My husband, my son (2.5yrs), and I live with my parents. We have since my son was born due to financial instability. I recently got a better job, and it has put the option of moving on the table. My husband wants to move right away to anywhere we can afford, even if we’re financially stretched thin, or the place isn’t the best. I’d rather put off moving for a couple months to find a place that works for us and our tight budget. The problem is, living here has put a HUGE strain on our relationship and our mental health. What do we do? What would you do? Move just to get out of a semi-toxic living situation but be financially stretched to your limits/potentially past your limits, or ride it out a little longer to find something that works financially?
Ride it out. You already are. Set yourself up for a solid future so you don’t have to move back.
Maybe plan some date nights that aren’t too costly and focus on your relationship. I would say wait to find a place that fits you guys and is worth it. Have you tried local resources to assist you with finances?
What’s more stressful for being broke in your own space . or letting your mental health fail because of toxic inviorment ?
Me personally I would leave toxic inviorment an struggle a bit in my family’s own space .
Exspecaily if the situation you living in is effecting child.
They don’t notice money they notice stress an all that though .
There no Wright or wrong it more what are u able to handle better in your own mind really
I had to move back home…twice! Got out as fast as I could… I was going through enough of my own turmoil and did not want or need more. It’s tough on your parents too.
In the end… it’s up to you. Good luck…and congrats on the new job!
For me, my mental health and relationship and my child’s well being are more important. I’d rather be stretched thin and be out of a toxic situation and rebuild the relationship than stay where I’m over stressed and anxious all the time. Mental health issues are no fun.
Only you and your husband know the best thing to do truly but as appealing as it seems to get out ASAP I’d be mindful that the financial struggle could cause just as much strain and stress on you both. Whatever you decide will be tough for a short time but worth it in the long run. Wishing you lots of luck
I’d ride it out so u can find a nice clean and safe place with time
If it were me I would wait a couple of months. You have done it this long if you can hold off you have a better chance of not having to go back.
Ride it out or risk being right back where you are
Honestly waiting sounds better, but if living where you are is putting a strain on your relationship I would move now. I would rather struggle financially than have the relationship fail over toxic things going on where you are now. Anything that drains my mental health has to go. Especially when it involves a child. Just my opinion, but nobody knows your situation or relationship better than you two.
Been in a very similar boat. We moved out asap. Once my mother threw a full coffee cup at my head we said no more. We would rather be broke but in our own space. It was tough, we had very little and no room to spend until I got promotions but it was worth it to us both.
Move!!! Living with his mother too long destroyed us. His unwillingness to negotiate on this front is what started the beginning of the end. Guess who still lives with his mom??
move while u still have a relationship
Move when The Lord tells you to move, we can’t up and move around just because we are uncomfortable because at times He put us in situations to be uncomfortable for a reason. Sit patiently and hear from Him, if you are praying to Him and you are listening you will hear from Him. Pray things workout soon and for the best.
A toxic environment isn’t good for any of you especially your son Move now
MOVE!!! I have been in this situation just recently! We decided to make our move even though we would struggle a bit with our 2 kids and it has been the best decision!! Your family needs their own space!! Being financially stable is great, especially if you don’t have to struggle! But if you have to, it’s ok! If you know y’all will do everything to make it work on your own, do it!! You won’t regret it!!
I’d move as soon as I could.
If you do it right now you risk ending up moving back In with your parents. But if you absolutely can’t stay there then move now. Only you two know how much more your relationship can handle. Congratulations on the job!
Find a place quick u can always move and find a better place down the road. Just be sensible about the places u look at. Obviously u know ur budget and u know what u need. If that means moving into a 1 bedroom apartment that u can afford with a lil bit of money 2 put back then that’s what u can get. If u can afford a 2 bedroom with plenty 2 spare then go 4 that. A family starting out from scratch is hard. Just dont over do the budget. Regardless of ur own place money issues can and will put a strain on ur relationship too.
I would move as soon as u found a place. I couldn’t live with my parents or my husband’s parents I would make a place work to raise our family and have a piece of mind. I would live and learn how to budget money.
Well ordinarily I would say move but it’s 2020! Both of y’all get together and pray pray pray !! Ask God for his guidance in this matter!!
Personally I would do what would best serve the health of my marriage so in this case, move.
I would look and keep the option open. You find something that meets your needs. Honestly ive been in your shoes. I would move. Its better for the relationship. Its hard living with parents.
I was once in your shoes the only difference was that we lived with my in law and the same thing happened to my marriage I have 5 kids and just as you mentioned it put a HUGE strain on our marriage and mental health as soon as I got a better job I started looking for a place of our own my husband supported the decision I made and we moved to our own house (July of this year) and let me say since we have moved everything had been so much easier my kids are happy and our marriage is so much better! My husband realized how much stress and problems his mother was giving us he has no regret moving out and us being on our own! I’d say move now if your husband wants to move right away start looking together for a place and make the decision to move together to a place where you will have peace of mind and no more stress!!
You have lived with your parents long enough. You both need to move out and become adults.
Maybe explain that you want to make sure that you won’t have to come back to your parents house to him. If he thinks that there is a chance that you guys can’t do it and stretching thin that is a possibility.If you are barely gonna make it maybe you can just start looking, but not be in a rush and still find ways to save more or spend less in other areas.
It doesn’t hurt to look around. You could start looking and make a plan and see where you could cut back on spending. Maybe that would mean eating out less and more home cooked meals, less frivolous spending, idk if you buy drinks at the gas station but my husband was spending a bunch doing that every day so we got a coffee maker and now he takes thermos of coffee to work every day that he made at home. Lots of ways to cut back. If your in a toxic situation it’s worth seeing where you can cut back and making a plan.
I would move, it will give you both time alone in your marriage (even if others don’t interfere,they are still in house). And you will be stretched financially bit you will be doing it for your family, and not putting a strain on the family you live with now. Plus it will boost your self esteem to be doing it on your own. You’ll be happier because you will have made important step with your life also.
I’m going to go with “supporting your husband”. He wants out. He probably NEEDS out. If it was me and my hubbins, I’d move.
I switched shoes, I’m your hubs, READY TO MOVE, and honestly, if my husband didn’t support that, it would really hurt my heart.
That being said… you sound like a logical thinker. And you said 2 months.
That’s ONLY 2 months.
Unless the situation is abusive, like call the authorities toxic, I’d tough it out. (I’m still putting myself in the “I want to leave now” shoes).
Like, you’re leaving. Period. It’s best to find a good, healthy, non-toxic, NEW environment to move in to.
…it’s only 2 months…
Let me contradict myself again…
It’s really what’s best for y’all. Just talk it out momma. Make sure you’re both being heard and respected.
Looks like your relationship is going to continue to be strained either way…I’d say have serious talk with him…give it a certain amount of time…agree on a date and follow through and move at that time.
2.5 years sounds like plenty of time to have gotten prepared. If you aren’t prepared by now, will a couple more months make a difference? It’s time.
Don’t sound like all the facts being told here. A 2 income family with just 1 child should be able to afford your own place to live. Sounds like hubby not working and hasn’t in almost 3 years. If he does work then maybe a part time second job is in order. But yes, it is very hard to live with other people and you should move at soon as you can, it will alleviate a lot of stress on the whole family.
Move . i didnt even finish reading the post .you need a healthy relationship with s.o. if it is toxic there it is a stressor.money is not everything.somehow you will make it .it will not help to not support your husbands decision.
You are married. Move out! Even the Bible tells you to leave your parents and cling unto each other. Move!
Move. Been there done would go back and change that if I could.
My mom used to say that there wasn’t a house built big enough for 2 families… move
I would start looking for a place that fits your needs
Move now, protect your marriage. You can move up to a better place later, but a marriage is much like a house plant you need to nurture and protect it with love.
You need to move out for sure. Listen to your husband and if your worried of being stretched thin do what most adults do make it work! Get him to get 2 jobs or something, you cnt keep relying on your folks. You have to remember they need privacy to and with y’all under their roof for 2 almost 3 years I bet they want their space back to. Ask yourself if you wasn’t so lucky to have such lenient parents to stay with you wouldnt have any other choice! To be a full adult that’s the way you need to make all your decisions! Stop relying on your parents your an adult. Like me I know my mom would help me pay my car note if I didn’t have the money, but I dnt except that as a way out bc that’s my problems not hers! It’s my responsibility to know how to get things done without help bc I’m an adult.
It’s the right move,ask landlord if he can make improvements first
Save your marriage,.
MOVE… No question
Only you can answer that question. It depends on what you value most and is it worth the sacrifice and how much you think the relationship can take before it breaks if you don’t move.
I would say wait and find something that you will be happy in for the next 12 months or however long your lease will be. 2 more months will go fast and its worth the wait if it means you will be happy later on.
I say if you can afford to move and carry yourselves and bills move on! Sorry to say life is a struggle and when starting out will be for years to come! Learn to juggle your paychecks along with just necessities until you feel like you got this! We struggled for years sometimes with 3 paychecks but that’s what it took! Just expect to like movies at home and casserole dinners! Squeeze those paychecks! lol
I feel like your man would do MORE for you and the boy if he feels like he has some control over his life. Idk.
Idk you, him, or how hard it is with YOUR parents
You move, and God will move. We were in the same situation, but decided to move anyway. That was 2 years ago. Today, we’re happy and comfortable. We didn’t know how we were going to pay everything, even though we budget. Today we’re doing well. There are some months that are a little tight. But, for the most part, we’re good. Sometimes you have to take a chance
Personally…Id find something that is in my budget with a month to month lease. That way when the opportunity to get into a better … Nicer place comes I could still afford it. Living with his in laws cant be easy on him… So maybe if he has his own space it would make life a little easier. Maybe he just needs to be the king of his own castle with his queen and his prince. I know that sounds corny…
What’s the difference finding an affordable place now or 2 months from now? Is there somewhere you’re looking at that’s not available now but will be in 2 months? Families living in the same house must be stressful and you’ve been doing it for 2.5 years. Props to your husband for sticking it out with your parents. If your marriage is in trouble I’d move asap to save it, but if not I’d save more money then move.
I will said make sure your baby is safe and secure and more then anything make sure you have time for your son and if your husband wants to more make sure he can pay half the rent so you can have time for your kid. There no toxic relationship if they or you mom and dad…
Right now for you, I am feeling that you should be searching now. But I feel like the perfect place and opportunity will come. Try to get 1 more month if saving it though!
Can you get away for a weekend now & then till you’ve saved more money?
Wait 6 months. Save up all your checks don’t spend them. You can use that to move and pay up rent ahead a few months.
Move out.Let the parents have there privacy.
File for assistance and leave. Go back to school, get paid to go back to school. There’s ways to make it work. We are both without jobs for over a year now. We have gone back to school and receive all sorts of help. From
The college and the state. We have two young children. Your home is supposed to be your happy place. I almost divorced my husband after living with his family for a year. All that toxic mess you live with spreads into your marriage.
Find something that works financially, regardless of when you move.
I would ride with it for a little longer
Moving out n still be financially unstable will cause same amount of stress
Move out. I’m sure the parents would love to have there home back by their self
Ive lived with my inlaws so i understand how he feels. Your idea is of course better but trust me, go ahead and move and sort it out after you do. Better to do that then him leave you 🤷
Id try and wait u dont want to rush into getting something u have to just “settle” for. Try to talk with ur hubby bc i know it isnt easy to live with in laws. Get out of the house n just take a drive. But save ur money for few more months and move in the spring!
Lots of options out there, it doesn’t hurt to start looking
I would move. A lot can happen in a couple of months maybe he feels like he can’t last another day there. I would go and just cut back on everything you don’t really need. It’ll be hard but y’all might be happier
I would put together a short list of places you could afford now and a nicer list of places you could afford if you wait 3 or 6 months. Show them to your husband and ask him what is more important getting out asap or getting a nicer place. If he’s adamant about moving out don’t ignore his mental health but if seeing nicer houses makes him agree to wait then you have your answer.
I’ve been in that situation and I think you should move-pronto. Living with my in-laws ruined my relationship with my MIL.
Id rather find a studio apartment then live with my family or inlaws, but that’s just me
The adult thing to do would be wait. Save a little so you won’t be so stretch and wont be living paycheck to paycheck. Then find a place that’s suitable and a good location.
Ride it out. It’s better in the long run. IMO. Communicate.
No one like to move in the winter!
Definitely wait longer , seems either way whatever situation you choose at this moment is going to be stressful…move out max your limits then you may end up back right where you are…wait a bit longer save more money and take the time to find something that works.
I would move. I was like that with my parents and bf along with my daughter for about 2 months. I honestly couldnt take it anymore to the point I had to go to therapy. I wanted to wait it out a bit to save more for our first house but my mental health and my peace of mind is more important than dealing with toxicity. So we moved best decision ever!!! Yes we may have to wait a bit longer for our house but we are free and at peace.
Go. Figure the rest out later.
I think just having the plan set in place that you’ll move-out in 3-4 months will help your relationship and for you to work towards something. No use rushing and moving into a place that’s no good and you end up back where you started
See if you can qualify for Affordable Housing based on your income. Most Apartment complexes have to make a certain amount of their units designated way.
Move. It will ruin you guys if you wait any longer. Believe me, going through it now.
I’d wait it out. Take time looking. Start packing, be ready to make the move
You’ve put up with it for this long, will another few months hurt if it means you’ll have a place more suitable. Set a goal if it’ll help e.g. “if we haven’t found a decent place in 3 months we’ll look to try it your way”, at least that way the end is in sight. Good luck x
This pandemic is tricky I would stay a couple months longer. You don’t wanna move out god forbid lose your job.
If you will be stretched thin on money if you move now, then wouldn’t they be causing more arguments? I think it’s better to hold off then move rather than move and be stretched only to possibly have to move back in with them.
What does your parents say
Ride it out 🤷
Especially with a baby
You start house hunting right away and move as soon as you find a place you both like. You can find a decent place in far less than a couple of months won’t stretch your budget. Your family needs their own space.
Would you guys getting your own place not allow you to make more money?
I would wait to find something I could afford but the hunt for that something should be extremely aggressive. The strain on your marriage will be worse if your baby or yourselves are starving.
Closing on a house can take 30+ days. Take that in to consideration… And tax season is just around the corner (if you get a return). Most banks won’t even consider you if you do not have a decent work history ie have been working at the same place or in the same industry without disruptions for x amount of months/years. If you are looking to rent, finding a place that suits your needs can also take time. It doesn’t hurt to start looking now. In my opinion, staying in a place that causes stress is not worth the money 🤷 talk it over with your parents, maybe they are just as ready for you to be out and can assist with a move. After all, unless you are paying to live with them, you moving would be saving them some money.
I did this and trust me wait we got a place just bc we could afford it and it beyond fucked us over there was so much shit the renting company lied about that we got stuck with
Stick it out u dont wanna move and have no money for bills or food or to furnish ur place its going to xause more arrangements if u move and ur not stable either way just do whats best for the baby every one is saying move so he wont leave u but its about that baby
Being in a similar situation now for the third time, my advice is to wait until you find a place you can afford so it doesn’t put you into a position to have to come back in 6 months or a year. It’s tough but the outcome will be so much better if you can find a place you love and can afford. What if you rush into a place and there’s repairs that need to be made that you can’t afford and it could have been noticed if it wasn’t so rushed? Or if you’re renters you may end up in a situation with a slum lord that’s just as if not more toxic than the situation youre trying to get out of. As much as it might be tempting to take the first thing you find it will be much more rewarding and relaxing to find a place you can afford to love.
Both of you need to sit down and do the pros and cons list thing together.
Tough call. Being stretched thin financially could cause more problems. My personal opinion, wait it out just a little longer. Maybe not a few months but enough to know you’re going to be financially stable. Don’t want to rush it and end up in a worse situation. Start looking now but don’t rush into the first place you find if it’s not realistically affordable
Living with in-laws is literally the worst and strains relationships so bad. I would def try to be finding a place soon
Was in the same boat except it was extremely toxic staying at his moms house. Im sure SHE regrets being the way she was because she was getting help financially but i forced him to move out, sooo not healthy to have our kids in a toxic environment. We ended up having friends/family gift us free furniture or random items we would need without even having to ask and we thought we would be tight on money but God is great! Just a huge sign to trust and just go for it.
I’ve done this. Move. Move move move.
I would wait. At this point you’re just gonna trade the stress of living with your parents to the stress of struggling financially. Better to wait and find something within your budget so you’ll hopefully be relatively stress free when you get settled.
Find places that you like or could live in. Save what your rent or payment would be for a couple months and add an extra $200-$300 for other bills. (Utilities) If you can save that and not break the bank completely . Then move Somewhere. One you’ll have that savings to help you out the first couple months . Two you will know what you can do
Been in somewhat the same place. Start looking but dont get something where ur stretched tooo thin cuz thatll just bring a different strain to the relationship
Wait cu if you are barley making it you might have to go back and the situation with the parents will be worse. Something happened to us
Have been in this situation. Move. You, your husband and your little man will be much happier!
I got tf out of my in laws as soon as we were able to because it was either get out or break up it was causing that much strain. We’ve never been happier than we are now and it’s so nice to not be around the toxic anymore
I would wait. You’ll be able to possibly save up some money to put a down payment on a house to buy, and itll be worth it in the long run.