Before punishing her find out if that is the best she can do. Not all kids are academically adept. I have a 176 IQ and my sister has a 88 IQ. School was super easy for me I excelled without effort. My sister struggled to the point of being clinically depressed and eventually dropped out. If your daughter doesn’t want a tutor, it may be because she is defeated and feels it won’t make a difference. Punishing her before you have all the facts may be detrimental to her mental health. Talk to her teachers, talk to her. I would not punish her for bad grades. I would investigate and come up with a plan to help her.
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i always have a talk about what’s going on. my daughter was suffering from depression and didn’t do well with virtual learning. but i do punish for bad grades. i have taken the cell phone away ipad and she wasn’t aloud to hang out with friends. she got it together. i personally would allow the nails to get done but she certainly would not be going to that party or any party until her grades came up.
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I would find out whats going on. Some kids arent good at some subjects. I tried very hard at math and still got a d - i was almost grounded for it but i talked to my parents and it was unfair to ground me when i was going to my teacher for help and she would help with one problem and then be gone for 10 minutes. They agreed - they saw me doing the homework.
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Maybe let her go this time and let her know if she doesn’t bring her grades up then no parties until she does. But right now, with this virus still running rampant I probably wouldn’t let my child go to a party anyway
I made my daughter to tutor for 3 years while she struggled…I also restricted activities outside of school work. I was told she wasn’t capable of learning at her own grade level and that she would probably always struggle because she had a form of adhd…she’s now on honor roll and no longer tutoring. The point is I knew what my daughter was capable of and pushed her to strive for that no matter what the schools or she thought she was capable of. Sometimes all you can do is everything in your power to help and if it doesn’t help then at least you tried🤷🏼♀️
Don’t give her a choice on turor
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That is exactly what you should do…
My oldest daughter struggled with academics. If she brought in C’s we celebrated because we both worked hard to achieve that for her.
My oldest son makes straight A’s in his sleep so I don’t have to put as much effort in as a parent.
Really depends on the kid and situation.
Only you know if she’s trying or not.
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Punishing for bad grades serves no purpose unless she is purposely failing the class. If she isn’t studying, doing the assignments and not participating then find the source of the problem. You have offered tutoring so go ahead and set it up. You do not need her permission to do so. Have the tutor identify what her strengths and weaknesses are in the class. It’s important to focus on the positive too. Let the tutor help her to organize, plan, study and complete the work for this class. Often times when something is difficult kids just shut down and give up. With the help of the right tutor she should be able to succeed. Speak with the teacher as well. Ask questions about participation and see if she has some pointers to help your daughter do her very best. I am a private tutor and educational consultant. If you need help navigating I’d be more then happy to assist.
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I don’t punish for grades. If I see them putting their all into school I praise. If I see that they aren’t then I try and encourage to do better. If they don’t try then I start taking things away. To me it’s about the knowledge gained and the hard work- not the grade.
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You have to find out why the grade is low. Is she struggling? Is there an issue with the teacher? Is she just being lazy and not doing certain assignments? If you have to speak with the teacher themselves to get to the bottom of it. If she’s really struggling punishment isn’t going to do anything. If it’s just laziness in that class find out why. My son was doing this. Just being lazy with one class. But he wanted to push for high honor roll so I used that as his motivation to get it up. No punishment was needed because it worked and he made high honor roll this past quarter.
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If the grades are bad, it’s time for lockdown. Her number one priority is school right now and if she isn’t trying, she doesn’t deserve all the extra fun things. My dad let me do what I wanted as long as my grades were good, but if they dropped, lock down! Lol It worked too, freedom to do what you want is a great motivator to do better.
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As a student who struggled in school is some subjects. 68 is a good math or English mark for me. I worked hard to hold that low grade it just isn’t my forte. I had 90s in other subjects. I was punished and all it ever did was make me feel stupid and discouraged in a subject I already struggled with.
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You are the parent, do what you feel is best. I never rewarded for good grades and never punished for bad grades. My oldest struggled to get C’s, middle one got A’s without trying, 3rd got B’s with work and little one is so bored, she gets all good grades so far. As long as mine tried their hardest and did the best to their ability, that’s all I required
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yup. u get ds and fs u dont get to do fun stuff. was the rule with me
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Only if there was no effort applied. I will never punish them for trying their best.
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Somehow nails and going to a party are separate from grades. She seems responsible enough to earn money to pay for extra things. That’s to be commended.
School is not easy for every child. The problem is her grade and how she came improve learning in that subject. So her choice should be having a tutor for additional support or repeating that failed class. Repeating the class may have to be summer school or night school to graduate. Is she willing to give up her social time to make up a class? She owns her grades. It’s not the end of the world to fail. Let her know she can fix this. It might take time but it will workout. But bottom line she has to graduate. What’s her plan?
This is a life lesson that things don’t always go as planned but can still be ok. Be there to support her. This will just be a memory one day. Best of luck. 
If she is really trying and has a bad grade then no. But if she has a bad grade cus of no effort like not doing homework or asking for help then yes ground her
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Party = no. Nails = yes
Depends. 2 of my kids are pretty much straight A’s. The rule was for them if they have a C average in a class they do tutoring at school. My other daughter struggles and C is normal for her. If they are getting bad grades bc they are being lazy I will take stuff away. If it is bc they are just really struggling I don’t.
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From kids perspective, I tried in beginning and failed a little bit, and I just got punished no questions asked. Made me resent so I stopped trying and failed more. 
I wouldn’t study I wouldn’t put in the work. Bc when I was trying my were still lower, failing 1 or 2. Still punished so at that point, why try at all if I’m just constantly punished?
Punish no, educate yes.
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No nails no party no social life! I want straight As. It really isn’t that hard, all you have to do is pay attention and do the work.
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If the grade is attainable, it’s ok. If she is legitimately struggling, maybe not so.
She doesn’t have a choice, if she needs a tutor then get her a tutor, don’t ask, do. Be the parent not friend.
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My kids get grounded. But they also are really smart. They would have gave up if I hadn’t. My daughter is 11 the grade #71 in her class. I mainly take electronics. They don’t need them really. Usually that does it by next report card grades are up
I don’t punish for bad grades but I will punish for poor effort.
Let me explain… if your kid gets a 79 on a test but worked his/her butt off to get that grade in ok with it and will offer help/tutor etc. if my kid gets a 79 on that test but blew off studying, forgot to study, didn’t care, etc than they will be punished until the next grade.
Depends on whether the bad grades are from laziness (just not doing the work) or if the child is truly trying and just isnt getting the proper help to understand the subjects. If its due to laziness, absolutely. If its just having a hard time understanding, no you need to come up with a plan to help the child succeed.
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My 14yo 8th grader has been failing algebra all year; we are just out into the last 9 weeks of school. I’ve given up punishing him. He has done tutoring. I tried getting him taken out of the class since it is technically an honors class that he will have to take again in the 9th; they won’t move him. All of his other grades are A’s & B’s…
This is a hard one.
The truth is the right way to handle this is based on your child
How old are they? Why are they struggling? What’s the class? what have you done to help ASIDE from offering a tutor?
If my kid is truly trying? And I’ve done what i can as a parent -including tutoring them myself- and they’re still truly struggling? No. I’m not going to punish them.
If my kid is not trying at all and just doesn’t care? Then yes. They will get a consequence.
Not everyone is going to be good at everything.
My Spanish grades? ALWAYS SUCKED no matter how hard I tried or how much studying I did…it really did not matter. It was my first class of the day and I had unidagnosed adhd. Thankfully…my spanish grade wasn’t one my mom was all that concerned about.
It depends i think i have a daughter that is special education that needs extra help and if i know shes trying her hardest but got a bad grade i try not to be to hard on her. My other daughter i tend to expect more from her
I’d give her an option. Go to tutoring or no party. If the grades are not first priority then there’s an issue.
I think that kids shouldn’t be punished, if they’re trying their best, but her refusal of tutoring would be a problem for me. If she’s serious about doing her best and bringing this grade up, extra help might just be beneficial. I would let her get her nails done because she has her own money, but the party would be a no for my kids, at least until they got more serious about this class.
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I was a straight A student except for algebra 1 in 10th grade. I did have a tutor I stayed after school and the teacher also had a class once a week to tutor. No matter how much help I got it was just something I could not comprehend. I was upset because I had always had straight A’s so it was very hard. I don’t know if she is trying her best or not really caring at this point but I know when I was trying hard and still not doing well it would have been hard to be punished on top of it.
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I don’t have kids of my own yet but coming as a former child get her the help she needs to improve the grade she may legitimately be struggling with that particular subject and once she pulls it up and if you can see that she’s doing better don’t push her to the next level just because you think that’s what she should do my grandmother always pushed me and why get a b when you can get an a and it has always messed with my head and has giving me really bad anxiety. But don’t ask her if she wants a tutor get her the tutor and tell her that she needs to pull her grades up to do things further in her life don’t take away friends because kids need those however special things like getting your nails done I would take stuff like that away or use it as a reward if she is able to pull the grades up as a hey good job for doing it
I don’t. My oldest is too smart for his own good. He never did his school work ever. But he aced every test he ever took. His grades weren’t great but he obviously knew the information. My daughter struggles. Her grades aren’t good. But she puts in a lot of effort. My point is what would I be punishing? They’re both learning. A piece of paper means nothing.
As far as your daughter refusing a tutor. She goes to school 7 hours a day. Then probably has homework. Of course she’s going to refuse a tutor. She sits & uses her brain too long as it is. Let her be a kid. If she’s struggling get her evaluated & services to help her learn during school.
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It’s one class. Stop being so hard on your child. Obviously she’s struggling in this one particular class but not the others.
So then tell her that stop being afraid to make tour child mad oh well if she wants to go to parties and do fun things she needs to do her part and get good grades
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I think it depends on the child. I have two that struggle everyday with school, so when they have an F they do not get punished because I know they are trying their hardest. Then I have one that makes straight A’s. If he was to have an F, I would know something is wrong. I don’t believe in punishment for grades, unless they just aren’t trying. Mine will cry if they make a D or an F, but I just keep explaining to them that there is a difference between trying and making those grades and not trying and making them.
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It depends, if this is due to laziness or if the child is struggling. Laziness and not trying, definitely punishable. If it’s a struggle, make sure school is providing any extra tools the child may need to be successful.
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Find out why she’s getting bad grades. Is she paying attention in class. Is she being disruptive. Playing on phone etc.
Talk to her teachers. Be active in her schoolwork. Sit down with her and see what her homework is.
This is the reason for homework for parents to see where kid is struggling.
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If it’s just one class… why punish. It’s a subject she seems to be struggling in. I had good grades in highschool BUT math. And my mom never punished me for it. It would be a different story if it was multiple classes
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You tell her no way. It’s not punishment. It’s called discipline. If she has the time and energy to go out and enjoy activities then she has the time and energy to meet with a tutor. It’s not about forcing your child to aim for perfection but insisting that she put forth 110%of her effort whatever that may look like. Good luck.
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Of course you tell her no way til the grades are up.
Can’t lie I am soft and would let her go if she aggred to a tutor but I’d also make her go or she would be grounded from everything.
I wouldn’t punish for something that can’t be changed in such a short period of time. HOWEVER, she should be put on notice that a tutor is non-negotiable and will begin asap and that this is the last dance and/or nail trip until the grades are in the “pass zone”. Give a little and hopefully you’ll get a little. Remind her that she’s not that far from a passing grade and she needs to make the effort to meet you in the middle.
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That depends, if she’s failing the class due to laziness or something like that, tell the kid no. If she’s struggling in the class, it would be mean to punish her.
That said, as the parent, make her accept the extra help, she doesn’t have to like it but the benefit is worth her annoyance. If she fights you on it, then punish her.
Just my opinion.
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I think it depends on the child and the situation. Currently I have one child on punishment for grades. But he is making a 48 and it is due to missing assignments. Meaning he just isn’t doing his work. He is too busy wanting to talk to his friends and play games online. I have another child who is failing another class but not on punishment. They are actively working on improving the grade which is low due to missing a week of school on doctors orders. I wouldn’t punishment for a 68. My standards are different post covid for sure though
I think it depends on whether she is being lazy or is trying but struggling. If she isn’t putting in effort…no way but if she is honestly trying…don’t punish her for that.
Grades tell you nothing. If she is passing the class, let it go.
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Legit two points from a c smh. Ket that poop girl go use her own money jesus. My family would loose their shit ifni didnt make anything higher than a low b. I would’ve got the shot beat out me for a 68. Guess what that did to me? I hate my family for it. I haye school all and any form. It made me rebel ahainst mt parents. Let that girl go smh
100% depends.
Is she struggling from missing classes and being a horrible student.
Or does she go daily and try her best?
My husband is extremely smart but almost failed high school as he had zero interest in it.
Got almost 100% in college when he took industrial mechanics
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I’m not a big punisher on grades. I understand …I allow a lil leeway based on my kids skills. Both my kids are bomb in math so I’m more lenient of English or history…not like F lenient but C lenient. Is she missing assignments vs not understanding?
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If she was given the chance to bring the grade up and didn’t yes. My kids all struggle with math yet always pass the class. They take re-tests when allowed and ask the teacher for help or how they can bring their grade up.
But does she have the money to regularly maintain the nails? Fill ins are expensive.
she is your daughter but she told you no to the Tutor there’s your problem. As parents we offer guidance and as a parent I tell you what to do not the other way around
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I would not give her those luxuries if she’s not going to put the effort in the work in. The simple fact is when she’s in the real world and she’s not putting the effort in work in her job and she’s not making money. Guess what she won’t be able to afford? Now it’s time to apply those concepts to real life concepts that she’s going to face in life
68 is a passing grade. I would just try to encourage her to try to do better and bring the grade up. My personal opinion and also being in this situation if you Become angry and start Getting too strict it will only cause her to shut down more. Best of luck.
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Depends on if she’s actually trying and still failing, or just being lazy. If she’s actually trying and still failing, her getting a tutor wouldn’t be an option for her, she should have one. If she just not doing the work, then I’d punish. Children need consequences for their actions and behaviors.
I wouldn’t give her a choice on the tutor personally. Whenever I got bad grades I had to actively show improvement before I could start hanging out with friends and stuff outside of school. I also had to study the subject a little every night.
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What are her other grades? Why does she not want the tutor?
Is this just a not her thing class or I’m not trying thing
If she has been getting bad grades in that class then I would make a tutor an option. Get a tutor or no getting nails done
If she is just being lazy and doesn’t want to do the work or is to focused on friends then yes diffently punish her. But if she is trying her hardest to get it and just can’t she may need that tutor and I wouldn’t be so severe with her. My son I know we punished him and took things away because he was just down right lazy
I use to tell my kids they need to try & do their best with their grades, I had kids I knew when I was young, who’s parents made them study & they could never go out to play (yes they were young) As long as she does her best with whatever class that she is in, that is all you can hope for, Now to punish her for that!!! Well that is on you. Now if she was acting out in school, didn’t do anything at home, fresh with you, then I can see you punishing her, But each parents needs to set their own rules
If you want to “tell her no way till these grades are brought up” then tell her no, simple as that. Be the parent and stick to your guns.
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Tutor shouldn’t be a option here. She’s a child. She’s failing. Get her a tutor. Also, if she’s actively working hard to bring her grande up then maybe yeah I’d let her but saying no to a tutor doesn’t seem like she is. If she’s failing cause she’s lazy or lack of trying then heck no. She’d sit her butt at home until she shows she’s deserving of free time.
Our job as a parent is to set them up for success. 
Goodluck!
She’s passing as long as shes trying! Grades mean nothing!
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Uhhhh SHE says no to a tutor??!!
Why are you allowing her to call the shots? 
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If they’re trying their best and not understanding definitely don’t punish. If they just don’t care and not studying I would set up tutoring, you’re the parent. Let her go to the thing but tell her she has to start with tutor or in the future she’ll miss events and things.
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It depends. Is she really trying? Or is she just not doing it? I would consider that first. If she is more into her friends, not caring about her grades, maybe sitting out a party will show her you mean business. But if you feel she is really struggling, get the tutor regardless of what she wants & maybe let her go
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Her nails and parties aren’t punishment they’re a privilege she should earn.
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Offered… no you send her straight to a tutor and she doesn’t get to go do the fun stuff until the grades are up.
If she’s trying and studying then no, but if she just doesn’t do anything then no nails.
Why are you allowing her to call the shots on if she gets a tutor? Lol. She’s got a bad grade in a class. Clearly she needs one. No party or nails till then.
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It depends on if she’s actually trying and struggling with school or if she’s just being lazy.
I was punished for a B- or lower. I remember one year I had like 2 B- and I was so scared to go home I was vomiting. If I had a 68 I probably would have ran away 
Not worth the ass whooping
It depends on the situation and child.
I personally wouldn’t allow it to get to a 68, if my child were struggling I would get them a tutor, not give them an option, get them a tutor.
If its pure laziness then 100% not going to party and have fun.
If its been a constant with her grades then absolutely NOT
Nails yes, party no. If she doesn’t want a tutor she obviously needs that extra time to study 
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I guess im the odd one out but if i put myself in her place… i had a class where i just got sucky grades. I just sucked, and i didnt care about the grade in that class.kids cant be good at everything. If my parent punished me for a grade in class, id be miserable. I dont think kids need punishing over grades personally
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You’re not going to excel in every single subject. You’re just not. There is always one class that someone sucks in. If she’s only struggling with one, then let it go. Don’t be pushing her and make her stress out. She probably needs a break.
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What is the age of your daughter? You are the parent. Not her best friend.You decide on the tutor.
It depends on why her grades are bad. My oldest won’t turn in any of his work. Me and his teachers will watch him do it but when it’s time to turn it in he “forgets”. We have tried everything and he just doesn’t care. His grades on test and what he does turn in are great so he understands it. In that case yes I punish him bc he’s failing classes over something ridiculous. If he was doing bad bc he didn’t understand or was struggling then I would find ways to help and not punish them.
It sounds like she isnt trying so I would punish for sure I’d also reach out to teacher if any missing assignments id ask for them and make her do them
depends. if they are failing because they are being lazy and not turning in work like they are suppose to… then Yes. Failing because they are struggling with the class and need more help. no
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Just bc she said no to the tutor let’s me know she don’t care and not scared of consequences so YES punish her. Had she said yea I would have a lil bit more empathy bc she wants to do better.
I’d tell her when that 68 flips to a 86 then she can party.
If thats the only class she has a 68 in then i wouldnt punish her cuz a 68 is still passing,thats a high D ,they dont do things like they did when we were kids,teachers dont really even teach them,they have to teach themselves,they give them work, and they do it on chrome books,were if they cant figure it out they have to go to google to figure it out, i would not punish my child for one D, dont get me wrong,there are a few good teachers left out there,that still take there job to heart and want the best for there students,and will help them,but my son litterally had a teacher tell his class,you guys are just a paycheck to me,and he was in the 6th grade!
My motto is “it better be up before report cards come out” I don’t manage my kids grades throughout the semester. I only go off report card grades. It’s their responsibility and they need to take accountability. They know if they bring home a bad grade (below a C although I prefer A and B’s only) on report card they are grounded and I get their cell phone. This has worked well for me. All 3 of my children have maintained honor roll. Set clear expectations and follow through on your consequences. She is old enough to take responsibility.
she should fix her grades before thinking about parties ur the mother not her
If there is no effort and she deserves that grade then yes! I have a 2 teen girls and if they fail they lose it all. No phone tablet computer. Grade must be brought up and must ask for extra credit through email, so I can see it and know they asked for extra credit. Our school offers an early college program and my girls will graduate with an associates degree 2 weeks before high-school graduation. I am a strict parent when it comes to friends, grades and chores. And whether she has her own money for nails is irrelevant, your house your rules!
I guess in a way we punish for bad grades? Maybe? So we pay for good grades and take for bad.
A: $20
B: $10
C: $0
D: -$10
F: -$20
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Discipline teaches…. Punishment is the opposite and never works… long term… look at our penal system… find a currency that works for her… has she done her best? No learning disability? Many things to consider…
Well you make a deal. You can go only if you use the tutor. Otherwise it’s a no
Yep…do your part to support their education.
This situation is why our children have anxiety, are depressed and have low self esteem. I support children being successful in school but it is not worth stressing them out . Did the child not prepare for tests , not hand in assigns ? Tutoring might not be the solution as maybe they are capable of only achieving that mark ?
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I always maintained straight A’s. Honor roll. One marking period I got a D in socail studies. I was grounded for the whole next marking period. My father was very strict about me doing well in school. Because education is very important to achieve in life.
Some people don’t process certain information like others do. Someone can study and study but still get a bad grade. I was like that. I can’t retain information as easily as others because my mind goes a million miles a minute.
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Tutor all weekend
No party
No I would not punish her for bad grades I would talk to her and ask her why her grade is bad it could be she’s struggling to understand the material and afraid to ask for help or she could be struggling with mental heath
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You are the parent, you set the boundaries and rules. I wouldn’t be asking if she needs a tutor you know she does. So I would get her one since she’s having issues and until she makes efforts in doing what she needs to do I do what I called ‘unplugged’. No electronics. You want stuff you have to do what’s expected of you period.
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Maybe no to the dance but aaaas long aaas she is paying for her nails why not?