Should you punish for bad grades?

Do you punish for bad grades? My daughter wants to go to a party and get her nails done this weekend (she has her own money for the nails), but she has a 68 in one class. I’ve spoken to her and offered a tutor before. She always says no to the tutor. I want to tell her no way till these grades are brought up

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should you punish for bad grades?

For 1 D+ no I wouldn’t ground her. I’d make her ask the teacher for extra credit to get the grade up to a C and give her a few weeks to get it up to an A or B and keep it that way the rest of the school year. If not then I’d ground her

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Depends on the age. The effort. And any possibility of a learning issue.

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If my daughter has any missing assignments and asks to go somewhere, I tell her no. School comes first. However her test scores are 85% of her grade so if she gets a C on a test it drastically changes her grade. She can usually retake them if she got a c or lower but if she has anything lower than a 75% in the class she knows not to ask. Her teachers do grades every week so it will usually be improved by the following week

Yes, but have never had to ground my son cuz he is a 4.0.
F grounded for 1 month
D grounded for 2 weeks
He is junior and has always had A’s, but he know the rules in my home

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Not everyone is an A+ student in every single subject. Maybe no matter how hard she tries that this is her best. Should you really punish your child for not being perfect?

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no, its just regurgitated indoctrination.

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Absolutely. D means you’re grounded for a week, an F is a month. Going to tutoring when you are failing a class shouldn’t be a choice left on the child because no kid wants to go when they could be at a party instead, the alternative is failing that class and possibly grade.

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Absolutely
We have 5 kids
25 24 16 15 11
School sports family then the rest of life

No I don’t punish them for bad grades. Theyre not just kids lol they’re human. They will be grounded from electronics if and only if there’s an F for the quarter due to missing assignments.

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I wouldn’t let her go , because she doesn’t want to try to get the grade up . If she is saying no to a tutor , she doesn’t care that much about it .

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Depends. Age/grade? Is she trying and not doing well or just not doing the work? How has she typically done in this type of class? How are her other grades overall?

Id say yes to the nails, no to the party

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It depends. A parent knows if their child is truly trying or not. If you know she’s not, don’t let her go. Kids need to realize that, that kind of fun, is a privilege. Nails, that’s a whatever thing, she’s paying for it and it’s just nails, but a party, no. She’ll eventually catch on that she needs to raise her grades to do these things and if she really wants to do these things, she’ll try her hardest. But that’s where the parent comes in and has to see if their child is actually trying or not. In my opinion, even if they’re trying their hardest and still not getting it, they can still pass the class. I used to sit beside my teachers and they would help me through my whole assignment and my grade would raise. It’s all about TRYING.

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I tried my best in school and some subjects were just not for me. It didn’t matter how much effort I put in, I was lucky to pull a D in math. I’m thankful that my parents never punished me for that and I plan on extending the same grace to my daughter.

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As someone that really struggled with school i think grounding straight away or taking away privileges is unfair considering she got a 68 mark means she didnt fail.

Maybe have a chat about your expectations then if the poor grades continue then consider grounding and tutoring

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I don’t - I tell my kids it’s not about the grade as long as they tried their hardest.

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No I don’t believe in grounding for grades …

Now some instances it might work….

However you need to get to the bottom of the issue…is kid just not doing the homework? Is kid not doing well on tests? Or what the issue is… can they ask for extra credit to bring the grade up? Are they trying and just not getting it no matter how hard they try?

Those are all questions that need to be taken into consideration.

Now after all those things are considered then you have to decide what is the right thing for your family.

I personally can remember in high school I had a geometry class. I did the homework it just didn’t make sense to me. The teacher passed me because he knew I tried … I was a normal A/B student getting D/F…and it wasn’t because I wasn’t trying

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I wouldn’t. Maybe she’s struggling and getting her nails done and seeing some friends will help her do better because she feels better, natural consequences, if you were doing poorly at work, you wouldnt be told you couldnt go out or get your nails done. You would however have to set aside extra time for the work to improve (maybe you need to schedule a time every evening to work with her and get her work done, which is a natural consequence of a lower grade

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68 is almost a 70, I don’t find that grade terrible. And if it’s only one class, we can’t be good at everything. I think you are over reacting BIG TIME! Let the kid have some fun, coming down on her will only make her withdrawal more. Maybe she’s having a hard time in that class and trying her best already?

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No I wouldn’t I had private tutor from 11 until 15 and I gave up parents let me choose , And they was right

I pay my kids $5 for A’s,$2:50 for B’s…B honor roll they get $10 extra, A-honor roll they $15 extra. I do ground them for a week from tv’s…If a D or F. Yes, I did the “bribing method” because my son didn’t care to try…and this helped. I was at my wits end. MS is hard…so I wanted something to encourage because rewards weren’t making a difference. I wouldn’t ground her from either. Everyone parents different. Find what works for you all!

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Make her make the grades…once she’s out of school life begins and she won’t get chances

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Any further details on why no to the tutor?

I just feel like life is so short I know it sounds bad, But here’s the thing. I had a cousin who lived with us for almost 6 years, and he was much older than my kids. He moved in with us at the end of 9th grade. Didn’t graduate but passed because of his grades. So anyways he became a straight a student, and then around junior year he started messing up so we wouldn’t let him go do the fun things til his grades were up. Well Christmas last year, his senior year he moved back in with my uncle, anyways he graduated, and 2 weeks before he turned 18 my husband got him a job with him . A week later he got in an accident and passed :sob: I feel like guilty for not letting him go every time we said no, because of a stupid grade. He passed a week before his 18th birthday. My daughter is now In 7th and her grades aren’t too great, she is goin to tutoring everyday after school but I don’t not let her do anything because of hr grades . Idk its just how I am now. Life’s too short. Let them go and have fun.

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Absolutely! 68 is unacceptable. No nails, no party. School is a kids job period. sorry, not sorry. I wouldnt give a choice for the tutor. Also would be taking cell phone away for a grade like that.

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I never understand kids who tell me they are grounded for bad grades. I would tell her she can only go to the party if she agrees to at least three tutoring sessions or something like that. She should go and have fun with her friends, I wouldn’t take that away from her, but she needs to also focus on her education as well

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No you should find out the root of why they are getting bad grades

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No I as a mother I won’t punish for bad grades when my son gets in school life’s to short but I will take away something for hour or so

Is it a lack of effort? Some people try their best and still don’t get an A. Are there missing assignments? Or is she not getting good grades on the assignments? If it’s a lack of effort, yeah. Maybe try to get to the cause of the problem first though. Not everyone is capable of A’s in all subjects though and that should be taken into consideration as well. Yes trouble for not trying. No trouble for not understanding or other issues.

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I don’t think it’s any of your business what the kid wants to spend her own money on (as long as it’s not illegal and she can actually afford it), but the party is probably a no go, punishments should be related to the punishable offense, and cutting social time to fill extra study time is a reasonable exchange until she’s passing imo

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I don’t. I just tell mine that I expect that they try their best. My daughter struggles a little bit. My son struggles a lot because he’s a slow learner.

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I got bad grades in my math class as a middle schooler because I was bullied (by students) and my teacher refused to take time out to help me from falling behind. If my mom said I couldn’t see friends etc bc of that I would’ve never made friends at all.

Try and get to the root cause before you act too quickly

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This depends on a few missing factors:
Does she have her license? Does she have a car or drive one of yours? Do you drive her to and from?
What class did she make a bad grade in? Was it an elective that she didn’t choose or a core class?
Find out exactly what she’s struggling with and see if you can help her with it.
If she makes a genuine effort to study, work with a tutor etc. I’d let her go but give her a set amount of time to be home. However, if she chooses not to then she’s also choosing not to go to the party.
Let her know it’s ultimately her decision and that you expect improvement, not perfection.

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I never ever did good in math, even with a tutor. & I was in honor classes. So glad I wasn’t punished.
This is why I hate grades because what if she’s really good at something else? Do you reward her for the good grades instead of punishing the one bad one?

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In my opinion, it depends on what subject it is. If it’s a fundamental class that she’s not excelling in, then no, she wouldn’t be going to any party. Then again, she’s pulling a passing grade. If it’s enough for the school to pass her, it should be enough for you. Some kids just don’t learn well from a book. I was one of those kids. :raising_hand_woman:t3: I tried my best and there were some things (okay, most) I just couldn’t wrap my head around.

As for the nails? If she’s paying for them, let her get them done. She somehow has her own money (job or allowance) and that privilege of spending her money on what she wants shouldn’t be taken away from her regardless of her grades or anything else.

Also, I always found school to be a huge waste of time. Other than basic math and english, the rest is pointless. Why do I need to know about the Boston Tea Party? 1. I’m Canadian and 2. It is so ridiculously irrelevant to life today. :woman_shrugging:t3: School should teach kids the fundamentals of life, like how to invest, how to buy a home, how to save money, RRSP, TFSA’s, sexual education, mortgages etc.

There could be deeper issues going on that you don’t know about. Sit down and talk to your daughter like 2 friends not parent and child.

She’s passing, that’s the main thing. It’s like the old saying… You know what they call the person who graduated the lowest in Medical school?? They call them Doctor.
She may have legitimate reasons for not being able to get an A.

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My kids get into trouble for bad grades. I find school to be very important especially for their future. So if they aren’t willing to do the work and are just slacking. But every kid is different and I have my reasons. So really to each their own.

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Personally no, if you see shes trying and making and effort definitely no.
Also tho shes paying for the nails herself, maybe go with her and make her “punishment” bonding time.
See if the class is hard to understand, maybe the teachers not the best.

Maybe shes just stressed and this could help her unwind.

Because she refused to let you get a tutor for her. I would say no to the party.

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If she’s putting in effort/trying her best no. However, I always take away if they aren’t doing their homework due to laziness or lack of trying. I think she may be too embarrassed for a tutor. Has she thought about study groups with friends? What are her teachers like are they willing to help her or not? I think there is a lot of unanswered questions to this. There are other ways to find help for her rather than her feeling like she needs a tutor. Personally, I never would ask for a tutor just because I felt like it made me look dumb, but if she finds a group of friends she can form a study group with that would definitely help and not make her feel that way. Maybe allowing her to go out for a couple hours is exactly what she needs. At any school age you always need a break here and there just like us as adults try to squeeze in a little amount of time here and there as much as possible. Let her get her nails done and have a girls day and then Sunday have her hit the books again. I promise with my 14 yr old it always helps so much for her to have a day here and there just to regroup and start over the next day. They get overwhelmed just like us!

No - grades aren’t everything. As long as she is trying, that is all that should matter :heart:

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Some children are accedemically minded and some are not. We can’t all be good at everything

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If I studied, and my dad knew I was studying, then I wouldn’t ever get in trouble for my grades. Because he also knew that I was really struggling, but at the same time, I was studying and trying to learn that way I wouldn’t do any worse than I already was. So, it ultimately depends.

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I think it really depends on the situation. Is she struggling within that class to understand? Or is she just doing the bare minimum to pass, because she is passing. But it really depends on your families expectations of your children’s academics. Some people allow their kids to do what they can to graduate and pursue entrepreneurship or what ever they want to do in life, but if they have plans to pursue post secondary it’s important they understand that it’s competitive and to succeed you really need a strong foundation of understanding and prioritizing proving you’re responsible. Honestly there are so many different factors, I think if you feel this strongly I would show some tough and let her sit this party out. Encourage her to do well and reward her so that her efforts don’t go unnoticed.

As long as she’s doing her best, celebrate it. She’s retained 68% of what’s been taught. I’m happier with that versus a child that didn’t put their best into it and pulls a B.

Can’t believe people would actually punish children for bad grades :weary:

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No. Not everyone passes every single class, I failed every single class in school and only passed art.
Nothing helped me but I still gained knowledge after school

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A 68 means she did not understand what she was doing

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Some people genuinely struggle to do well in class when it comes to assignments but can retain information, I wouldn’t punish her but I would talk to her about rewards for when her grades are good

All crap with covid. Lot of kids are behind. My daughter was estimated grade 9’s prior covid. Few she reaching a 4, I’m not fussed kids have had shit 2 years

Get her help if she is not understanding the subject. Punishment, no. But going to a party and doing her nails is not something I would do knowing she needs help. Kids don’t learn that passing a class means nothing once you go into high school, especially college, especially even more so if she’s trying to get into a University. At my University for my Nursing program, we know a 4.0 is a must because it is not just a grade. It’s a person life we put in danger. I see a lot of parents advice is to say at least she’s passing. But is she really??!! You know that answer and depending on her career choice, 68 will get her suspended in college or dropped from the school. That is why Asians parents are so tough on our kids because we know the consequences later on.

If she is truly doing her best and you see her study for that class and making an effort I’d let her go. If she isn’t doing her best, isn’t making an effort to study at home, etc then I wouldn’t let her.

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Are they passes even if right on the minimum? If so let it go!some are not as academic as others. That’s not to say she’s stupid or anything like that, she will know far more than you give her credit for, but just isn’t motivated or that interested in school itself to show it. As long as she’s working, let her go. If she was failing, bunking off regularly, getting into trouble messing about then no chance

What subject is it in? What are her grades like in other subjects? Is it an important subject? I don’t see what preventing her going to a party would achieve apart from you feeling control instead of getting to the route of the issue?

Nails yes,party NO… NO tutor sorry …NO party!!

I would never punish bad grades, especially if my child tried their best. I would encourage and actively help them to achieve the best grades possible by helping them develop good studying skills and habits as well as using positive reinforcement to encourage them to keep trying.

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No bloody way, some kids are fantastic at maths some aren’t, some kids are better hands on then on paper, they have to find what fits them individually and punishing a kid for trying their best even if it not an A + at least they are doing something as it’s better than nothing!!

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I have two teenagers boys they suck at getting there shit done but punishment for it will only make things worse I took there Xbox away for 3 days wow hat a difference that makes lol :joy:

A 68 isn’t just laziness that’s not understanding the class. A kid is hardly ever going to willingly go to a tutor but have her do it anyway

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How can you punish a child for bad grades :scream:, some people genuinely struggle, ever thought of that :thinking::roll_eyes:. If she’s tried her best how could u possibly justify punishing her. Its not her fault :sob:

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i struggled with maths in school and never wanted a tutor because I was embarrassed and anxious to answer questions in fear of getting them wrong and looking stupid. Maybe offer your help to her with no judgement x

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She needs to take it more seriously

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If that’s the only class she’s struggling in then it’s not like she isn’t trying … just talk to her about it I wouldn’t punish her for it though.

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I would say in general absolutely do not punish a child for bad grades , children all learn at different rates and levels, they are not all the same. If they are struggling keep doing all you can to get or give them help, encourage them and be extra positive in the areas they do better in. In saying that with my 2, I have certain expectations, based on previous grades and knowing what they should be getting, not for me for themselves, both lucky kids to have the brains they do and if they got grades ilnrw where from lack of effort or other reasons, I would not be happy for them , probably still would not punish them, but would be having serious chats and the looking at why

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She should definitely get a tutor and show she wants to get better at it, maybe tell her if she agrees to a tutor then she can go?

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I strüggled in classes to and I wasn’t còmfortable being with a strànger. I’d ràther my teacher or my mom hèlp me. Plus thínk about it, for the most part kíds don’t even nèed what schöols teach. They don’t tèach what we actually need in life. I wouldn’t pùnish for this

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Your the parent! If she needs help then get it… Wouldnt agree to celebrate a bad grade. And yes i did push for better grades…

What about saying as long as you tried and did your best. To many put to much pressure InTheir children. But punishing for a lower grade sorry no.

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Have a nice calm conversation with her. Tell her if she wants to go this party she needs to improve her grade. Ask her to do extra credit exercises in this class and prove to you she’s serious about bringing her grade up. I’d let her go to the party and if she doesn’t bring her grade up by showing you she’s trying then the next time she asks to go to a party the answer will be no!

It’s one class…give her a chance to bring the grade up.

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Is the grade her trying and struggling or is it due to laziness? Everyone always assumes the child doesn’t understand the content. Until you realize it’s the child not doing the work. Decide accordingly.

By all means push for better grades get her a tutor but NEVER punish a child for in your eyes bad grades every child is different. Some a* some ungraded all that matters is they give it their all 100% trying. Is she a good kid in school
Speak to her about meeting in the middle, my mother put me down with my education and the hurt i felt it isn’t worth it…

Make a deal if she wants to go out she needs bring her grades up or agree to and do tutoring and show effert in bringing her grades up. Either way it’s work on grades to get to do extra stuff but she chooses how.

Never!! Grades aren’t everything, I always tell my kids if u have tried ur best that’s all anyone can ask of u, I have a daughter who stresses all time she’s not good enough and a son who’s dyslexic, their happiness is more important than grades, I get they need to do good but no way would I punish if they didn’t get what I expected them to

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So you’d ground your kids for not mentally being capable of doing something in school?
If she was failing all classes because she didn’t care, that’s a different story.
But grounding them because they really aren’t capable of doing something is gross.

At least try to help her the best you can. Tutors can be embarrassing for some kids.

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All work, no play is hard on an adult, it is on kids too. Kids weren’t made to sit in a classroom for hours on end. In fact they learn best thru playing. We have removed their childhood and in its place put work and stress. Let them be kids for a while.

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I never pressured my kids about grades as long as they pass/were good for teachers/stay outta trouble. I will bargain with them i feel like its more affective. Get her a tutor and tell her she can go if she starts tutoring

Has her grade suddenly dropped ?
If so…deal with the reason. Grounding her wont make her try harder it will make her resent you and make her feel like a failure.
Encourage her to try hard at school and let her go to the party.

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For me my kids well being and mental health is more important than grades.

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I do in a sense because my son rushes and doesn’t take his time. He had straight A’s but now he has a D. I asked the teacher about how to help him and she said he’s smart and knows what to do, he just rushes and doesn’t read the question in its entirety or he makes silly mistakes. He can tell you how to do it though if you ask him to explain it.

His “punishment” is that he has to do some extra work online for about 20 minutes in the area he is struggling. That way he’s getting some extra practice but if his grades improve, he doesn’t have to do the extra work anymore.

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NO way punish a child for bad grades…they can only do what they can…I’ve always say to my children do your best that’s all you can do.

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I tried my best in school, and some subjects I just couldn’t get the good grades in. There was a lot I didn’t understand. As far as tutoring, not every child is going to feel comfortable having one. Luckily my kids don’t have bad grades, but if they did we wouldn’t punish. Our rule has always been just try your best, that’s all we ask.

I could understand if it was to laziness or not caring . But how these kids are learning these days is difficult as heck. Talk to her calmly…ask her if she needs any assistance by you or maybe a friend of hers… push for better grades but don’t punish her if she is truly struggling .

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Id say ok to party but you have a tutor. Help with grades first.

I won’t ever punish my child for having a bad grade or grades. I’d simply ask him what’s is causing him or her problems. Everyone learns differently. I’d offer to help them or find them a tutor. I struggled very badly in school because I’m a slower learner. I’m not stupid, it just took me longer to learn how to do certain things.

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Depends my daughter’s grades would be classed as bad, against others her age, school and myself know how much she has improved, and how hard she tries,in everything,how can I ask more of her, so Ofcourse we celebrate her ‘bad’ grades.

Talk to her see what’s going on. Unless there’s a history of her just being flippant with her school work and obviously putting no effort in.

Too many teenagers are suffering with depression I’ve too teenage girls and if they failed anything in school I would still give them a treat nails or a meal etc there mental health is way more important than school and life is tough enough for them

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This is insane to me. Why, would you punish her for ONE bad grade? It’s damn near a PASSING grade. All work and no play is mentally draining on an adult much less a CHILD.

Okay so here’s my thing. All you parents that have kids who play sports, don’t they require good grades to play? I remember in high school I had a D in one class and couldn’t compete at a track meet because of it. Well guess what… I wanted to compete so I got my grade back up. I’m pretty sure things haven’t changed much. You get bad grades they won’t let you play, plus some schools if you have a bad grades they won’t let you go on field trips and be part of fun activities. To me those should be incentives to do better, have a goal to work towards. You all need to stop babying these kids and push them to do better, not just in school but in life in general. Light a fire under that ass.

Are you her parent? Then start acting like her parent. Failing? Then you don’t get to go out and have fun. We need to figure out why and how we’re going to fix it.

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68 isn’t a terrible mark maybe that is her best its her own money she should go to the party

It depends. Does she really not care or is she having a hard time…

That’s the question.

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I think that I would be thinking about the type of party. Is it a sweet 16 at a hall or a bday party at a skating rink? Then I probably wouldnt take it away. If it is a house party possibly lacking adult super vision, and basically contributing to a not so great lifestyle- then heck no.

I graduated with a 1.7 gpa in high school and was constantly punished for bad grades, still graduated. And guess what? All places give af about is the diploma. I got a 68 in drafting as a freshman. DRAFTING. That shit was hard. And now I’m 23 and on the deans list every single quarter of college. She’s a kid once, let her go to the party and get her nails done (especially if she has the money to do so herself)

She may be nervous or embarrassed by the thought of a tutor

then tell her no, you are the parent.

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