Should you snoop through your childs things?

It depends on the child. I mean, our jobs as parents is to teach our children right/wrong, actions/consequences, boundaries etc.

I’ve always been bluntly honest with with my children, about everything. We talk about any and every subject. To the best of my knowledge, they’ve always been honest with me. My two oldest anyway. The younger two are still being taught and learning.

I’ve never felt the need to go through my childrens stuff. I know my oldest daughter smokes. I know my oldest two drink occasionally. They’re honest with me, so I have no need to not trust them.

If your child(ren) aren’t giving you a reason to not trust them, then don’t invade their privacy and let them have boundaries.

However, if you know your child is lying, sneaking around, stealing etc… then by all means , they neither have nor deserve privacy!

Unless they give you a reason to no then no. Same with the door … if they are doing bad things and then yes take it off but to just take it for no reason no don’t do that. They need privacy

We are more old school, I always went into our girls rooms to get their clothes put into their beds(for them to put away). I didn’t search for anything, but if anything was left in sight I did look, if whatever I saw caused concern, I then searched. When they were not making good decisions, we took their bedroom away, they slept on my bedroom floor until the earned their bedroom back. They are now all grown up, 25, 22 and 18 years old, they hated what we did, but now they see that it was all done in love.

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Privacy is much like trust in our home, you have 100% of both until you’ve given mom and dad a reason to question it, once it’s broken you have to earn it back( no I won’t remove doors) but if you have been doing sneaky things you may find yourself only being allowed to close your door to dress. Once trust is broken mom and dad have the right to “snoop” through your belongings and confiscate what we feel is needed until trust is earned again.

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Snooping creates sneaky kids. Unless the child is in danger I wouldn’t

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They definitely need a bedroom door as they grow , now it would be different if they were in there doing drugs so you’d want to keep your eye on them but for just some privacy yes they need a door .

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Both my husband’s and my parents respected our privacy UNLESS they were concerned about our well-being. Like my mom never went through my room until I started showing bizarre changes in behavior (she found the reason for that by following her gut) and my husband’s mom was suspicious of him involved in drugs so that’s the only time I know of she did it to him. I feel like kids do deserve their privacy but if a parental tingle is going on, then it’s no longer an invasion of privacy but an effort and responsibility to protect

I think theres a balance… if they are acting odd or in tons of trouble yes…I do search thru the phone every so often to see whats going on.I found plenty of info thay needed discussion.We paid for the phone and service a d need to be sure safety.Parents responsibility is to keep children safe.A check here and there can make the difference in whats going on.I dont read diary or etc unless there were huge warning signs.Theres a difference between being a strict parent and a involved one.I also tell my kids I will randomly or if they are acting very out of character.They actually come to me so I rarely have to.

I think you should they can have the privacy that they want when they can pay for it.

I mean everyone has their own doors at our house but I also tell any kid giving me pushback about “privacy” that “you came out of my privacy so I’m not going to hear it” lol you have to know what’s going on. Kids are sneaky even the sweetest, smartest, maturest ones will still try to sneak and hide things that they just don’t need and that are dangerous.

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I grew up with zero privacy. I became very sneaky and secretive. I wouldn’t do it.

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Privacy is huge to me, personally. They’re humans and you’re teaching them boundaries. How can kids learn to show respect if they’re not given respect? You shouldn’t just regularly be invading anyone’s privacy. Only in severe circumstances, after utilizing all other options. Everyone deserves to feel respected in their own home.

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It depends on a lot. I don’t randomly go into their bedrooms and look for things to find unless there is a reason I should be doing that. Now, when they all got cell phones the rule is I pay the bill therefore I can go through anytime I please usually we just check to make sure they aren’t being bullied or sending inappropriate pictures. The rule with social media is whatever they have ig/tiktok we have to follow each and every account. For the most part our kids tell us a lot and we communicate and explain to them we know mistakes will be made their kids and teens but know we will never judge their decisions

Privacy is something all kids deserve. Unless your child is in danger or you suspect danger for them, I would simply try and have a conversation with them first.
If you can show them that you are willing to have open conversation with no judgment they will come to you if there is a problem.
They deserve respect just as much as others.

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As a parent I believe it is your job to know what your kids are up to. You’re not their friend. You must snoop especially if your kid has access to electronics. I know if a lot of parents snooped they would of found out their kid was on drugs or plotting a school shooting. Not saying your kid is but it’s your job to be aware.

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I snoop, call me snoop mommy mom. You get your privacy when you pay your own rent :person_shrugging:

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In these day and times YES!!! You could happen upon something that could keep your child from committing suicide or save them from a life of drug addiction. Not only those two things you could be saving someone else’s life and keep your child out of prison!!!
Definitely if you suspect something Do something!!! Even if you don’t suspect something there is nothing wrong with going through your child’s room every now and then! It’s called being proactive and good parenting!! Beside if they have NOTHING to hide why should it matter?? :pray:t2::pray:t2:

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Snooping and taking the door off your child’s bedroom are 2 different things

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Only thing I’m really snooping through now a days is my kids friends/friend requests/message requests/followers on social media. Also making sure proper setting are on for location and and viewable profiles.

There’s a healthy balance. It’s okay to do random check ins, but constantly watching your kids every single move isn’t necessary. That’s how you make sneaky children!

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They definitely need privacy and to be their own person. I wouldn’t snoop through all their things. They need a door to be able to be in their own little world and talk and sing or whatever without having to be embarrassed about anyone seeing them. You came here asking, because common sense tells you that what your husband is thinking, is wrong. They are your kids. Stand up for what is right on their behalf.

they deff need a door that’s insane but yes any parent has the right to snoop but only if somethings going on or you suspect something not just for fun

I think it depends on the situation as far as going through things. If you’re worried your child is doing something unsafe, I can understand wanting to snoop a little. To say they don’t need a door… I believe children do need privacy. Ask your husband if he would be comfortable just removing all the doors. You don’t need your front door either. No need for privacy or safety!!

It’s our house and I clean and pick up so if during that time I come across something so be it

Um, if my parents had gone through my stuff, I probably wouldn’t have done most of the bad things I did.

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I disagree with not having a door, reading journals/diary’s, (depending on the age) phone, and not giving personal space/time.

Anything else I’d fair game until I’m not the one cleaning their room anymore. Then, that’ll be a 100% their room (teenage years).

I lived in super strict foster homes, lenient ones, and middle ones. I did what I wanted. Didn’t matter their level of security LOL The not strict ones got the best of me and I didn’t do much since I felt respected by them, and they weren’t just trying to control everything.

Even in foster homes foster children are allowed to have a private place for their belongings the parents don’t get to to touch. I think every child deserves this respect.

If they have given you a reason to doubt them then yes you should, but if they have done nothing to make you doubt them then they are entitled to their privacy.

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Unless you have a legit reason. If you suspect something back going on like drugs or something. Otherwise then no.

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How old are they. Under 14 absolutely not even snooping. Over 14. Don’t let them push their limits but give them privacy. No way would I take a door off.

I do random checks through my kids phone, backpacks etc and my kids are teenagers.

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If more parents would snoop, they wouldn’t be surprised when their kids do certain things. They are not your friends and kids are not adults equals.

If my husband took my child’s door I’d take my own bedroom door off too. Privacy is important

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They should have a bedroom door. But I do think looking at certain things like social media and messages can stop preventable situations. Whether it be bullying or inappropriate talk.
Atleast until they prove to be old/mature enough to either talk with you or avoid those situations on their own.

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My bonus kids mom snoops. All it did was teach the kids to hide things and delete.

If they’re locking the door then off the hinges it goes… But they should have a little bit of privacy.

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Not having a door is weird. They are human and need privacy etc. but snooping … do it. I will say my mom probably saved my life doing that. But my mom suspected I was doing dumb stuff and I was.

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I don’t snoop and they’ve never given me a reason to.

My house, my rules! I’ll look if I need to. And if something warrants me taking the door, so be it! I monitor phones, apps, messages, emails, drawers, closets and any other thing possible.

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Yes, children need privacy when they are becoming aware of their bodies and want to naturally be more modest. However, when it comes to their belongings we made it clear everything they have is under our control no matter where it came from. We had the right to take away or inspect anything in their rooms or on their phones. On the flip side, we also gave them our trust and impressed on them how hard it would be to get that back if they betrayed that trust. That only works if they know their boundaries; what you expect from them. We have never had to snoop through their items because they have always been very open with us. We also have an intact home so never had to deal with being undermined by the other parent/stepparent. They are now 18 and 21 and it’s no longer an issue. My daughter, especially, shares everything with me still.

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Uh they need a bedroom door and privacy.

Something must of happened for them to feel this way

Uh all kids need doors. Kinda weird having to change with no door. Plus it’ll teach them to hide stuff. I went through this. I know

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Closed door vs open door during a house fire… they need a door!

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I check for negative stuff , that’s all . Ain’t that what a parent is for to protect from bad people and drugs ect, my kids are open but I was once a kid too . But I’m thankful they’re not like I was

Bedroom door yes, unless they give you a reason not to.
Only time I had my door off the hindges is when I was angry and slammed the door 6 times. That night when I was asleep (my dad got home from work) door came off for a month.

Snooping, yes. There’s things that go on you have no idea about and need to. You don’t know what’s being said and how your child is at hiding things.
If I have an account for anything my mom had the password.
She could ask to see my phone or something at anytime.

The ONLY times my parents ever went through my things was when I refused to show them or tell them something (they were always in the right to look as well) for example (I never ever used a purse) I’d ask to go to the movies with friends and bring and bag and they’d ask what it was for and I couldn’t come up with anything so they’d search it orrr grill me till I gave in

Damned straight.

Now don’t get me wrong… there’s a fine line. If they prove somehow they can’t be trusted, okay, THEN take the bedroom door.

But, I mean. There’s no reason to NOT give them privacy in a healthy way. If they start lying, being sneaky, etc, then I believe that warrants some due diligence (snooping, if you will). You’re still their parent, and if they’re getting into stuff they shouldn’t you need to be finding out about it. There’s a healthy balance that should be had, given the circumstances. If kiddo is doing well in life/behaving rather appropriately most times, no reason to snoop. If they’re not ~ moderate snooping to loss of privileges (i.e. privacy).

Depends how old the child is and why you’re snooping in the room… All children need a door my kids sleep with the door closed for safety reasons There’s also a safety ladder under every bed upstairs… All they do is open the box and throw it out the window…

Kids definitely need privacy. If you choose to snoop a little I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s wrong if you don’t try to confront them about it but as a parent you always want to make sure your children are being safe. If you find something that interferes with their safety then by all means have a conversation about it but don’t punish them for it. That teaches your child that there is a safe space for them to discuss these things with you not that they need to hide things from you because they’ll get in trouble

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Up until a certain age I have parental controls on their electronic devices. Such as tablets and then phones. With the app I use I can see who they text, what pictures they send back and forth etc. I can see messages too but never check them because I know everyone my kids are talking to. It’s mostly their father. Or my son who is 12 talking to his girlfriend who just moved to another country. There’s no way those 2 are up to anything sinister :rofl:. Once my son turns 16 I’ll take the parental controls off. As far as bedrooms go. I don’t want to see my son’s room all the time he gets a door. Boys smell horribly all that BO cause they’re hormones are running wild.

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Umm your husband is crap tbh.
Children need privacy.
If you snoop (unless you feel they’re doing something really dumb or dangerous), then you’re a crappy parent.

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Girlll snoop! They can have their own privacy when they prove you dont have to worry. Kids are different these days & can get their hands on so many things. I know how I was as a child. My family should of cared. Im a parent first & that means to protect them from anything at allll cost!

Children should have a bedroom door, but it doesn’t need a lock. Yes, parents should be able to go through their children’s things. As much as we want to believe that our children will never lie to us, they may. It’s your job to try and keep them safe.

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They deserve some privacy. However, It’s my house I can and do enter their rooms when they aren’t in them or home. I don’t read journals etc. They are required to hand over phones when requested and must provide either parent with the passwords phone checks are done randomly. It’s for their protection and well being. I rarely go through their things but do go in for dishes and laundry. They are teenagers.

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Depends on the child’s age. My kids are 9 & 12. They are allowed privacy but only to an extent. I will go through their room, their tablets etc. However, having no door is wierd.

Only if they give you a reason especially if their attitude changes

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Absolutely NOT! Kids need privacy and doors! Now if you suspect drug use or something like that then yes by all means go search.

Wow. Kids deserve privacy. Unless you have genuine concerns and even then it should be done with the child. I don’t believe in snooping and they should have a bedroom door!! For the fire risk alone for a start but certainly for privacy! X

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Absolutely not. Removing a door is child abuse

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It truly depends on the child… my 16 year old lost all privileges and privacy because of lying and sneaking around… my 14 year old is an open book even if it incriminates him lol

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I had 6 children who have all turned out to be wonderful, productive adults and can honestly say I NEVER violated their privacy. However if I ever had a well documented reason for doing so I may have.

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I’m sorry I don’t go thru my kids s my stuff unless they give me a reason
I have no problems going thru their.things.
For a good reason

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Keep an eye on who there friends are, who is influencing them. It’s your job to ensure they are steered in the right direction and away from danger. Snooping if anything strange is suspected can safe a life.

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Yes. If you suspect something. Do it. It’s my house. My kids know I have the right to know what’s in my house. It’s not a lack of trust. It’s earning their trust. They won’t be into trouble as they know I’m searching. I found a vape pen a girl hid in my daughter’s room so her mom wouldn’t know she was vaping. (there is a test to test your kid for vape usage and cigarette usage) I test my kids on the regular. They know my rules.

How are you going to know they’re doing dangerous or illegal things if you don’t snoop. I’d rather know what my kids are doing then have my 13 yr old tell me she’s pregnant or have a drug overdose.

They don’t need privacy if they aren’t doing anything wrong.

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Age and who friend are and what they do

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Absolutely!! It’s not snooping it’s parenting

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Doors, but no locks. My children are 5 & 4

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You can get away with a lot of snooping by innocently cleaning :rofl:

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Honestly it sounds like you guys are doing toxic parenting

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Definitely need privacy and don’t snoop that is one way to turn kids against you and when they do need to talk about issues they won’t trust you sit down and talk to them if you suspect something

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Kids get a certain amount of privacy. But you better believe im going thru their phones. I don’t read all their messages, just skim make sure there’s no inappropriate apps or pics. Things of that nature.

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Only if you suspect something. Otherwise, no.

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Take the door if u see fit mine can lock theirs when they own it.

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Gotta dig if u want answers

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The door if they are misbehaving yes take it however if they want privacy they can have it at 18. If they are up to something I have every right to go though whatever I want. My house my rules. Don’t baby the kids they will turn out to be jerks. If the kids are being good doing nothing wrong I leave them be.

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Taking a kids bedroom door is abuse…

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I firmly believe you should know what is happening with your child. At least once a month I would have a cleaning day in their rooms, it illuminated any trash, and I saw exactly what was in their rooms. If I told them to clean their room and it wasn’t done, I cleaned it alone while they were away. I moved everything from mattress to chests. If you don’t know what is happening with your kids and they are your responsibilities, their room is a good place to start. I’ve helped them redecorate, repair, sort out their clothes, clean out back packs and purses. It gives you something to talk about with them, and time spent with them.
My mother said if you do something that you would not like to see pictures of on the news, don’t do it. I’m not sure that holds up anymore, because it’s become quite popular to be as notorious as possible. You are the adult and the burden falls on you to make sure your children are being raised and taught to the best of your ability; there are no do overs or second chances. It’s up to you to protect and nurture them. There are so many bad influences, society, tv, social media and even school itself; there’s only one of you, do your best.

My mom (Ik how dare I talk about me being a child) has given me full privacy and I come to her for everything, I do not hide anything from her because I know we she won’t have a blow up freak out take my door moment if I’m doing something she doesn’t like. We sit down and talk about things. I am 18 yrs/o and honestly I wouldn’t raise my kids any differently if I had them because of how much of a difference it made for me, now obviously if your child is endangering themselves set boundaries into place, but don’t go straight to the shake down. Just because he’s young doesn’t mean he won’t understand what you are talking about. Sit him down and talk to him about your concerns. Take him out to B-dubs or sum n talk to him. If you put effort into creating a trusting relationship you will have a child that wants to talk to you.
Say your worried about Alch take him to get ice cream of sum “hey kid ik you’re getting to that age where you want to try different things and I just want you to lmk we can have a conversation about safe alcohol consumption. I know that if I say your forbidden from doing it you will just go out and do it. So I’d like you to be honest with me if you drink, I’d prefer you do it at home. I don’t want you drinking and driving or riding with q friend who has been”
Obviously that’s just an example.

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Taking the door off is not abuse.

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Privacy is very important. My grandma snoops thru everything did my moms whole childhood and thru her teen years and did the same with us when she came over. My mom hates it and ALWAYS gave us privacy. It really is important to give them the space they need within reason. They are people with boundaries too🤷🏻‍♀️

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What? Why wouldn’t they need a bedroom door?

No, I don’t think you should go through their belongings in general. If you have reason to believe they have something dangerous that you need to confiscate, like drugs or weapons, that’s a different story. But only if there’s reason to believe that.

You will destroy your relationship with your children if they don’t feel they have privacy and don’t feel respected. Snooping and removing the bedroom doors are both ways to make them hate you and shouldn’t be done unless they are literally at risk of hurting themselves if you don’t.

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First it depends on the behavior of your child. I have a 16 yr old daughter. I do not go in her room at all unless shes gone and needs me to grab something. I have a 15 yr old son that I have to search his room on a regular. The difference? She can be trusted. He takes things that could be harmful to himself or others and hides them in his room. If he wasn’t a safety risk we wouldn’t go in his either. If the child can safely have their privacy then let them. If they can’t then they created the reason they dont have privacy

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That just sòunds cóntrolling

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My kids know and understand that I value and respect their privacy as they are not only kids but they are people, but if I feel there is a valid concern I will go through their things and check their internet search history and such… they understand that I value and respect them, but my #1 job as their parent is to keep them safe and healthy at all costs… my children are 15 (almost 16), 14, 11, and 9

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I wouldn’t take my kids door unless they were slamming it non stop but I check my sons phone occasionally just to make sure he’s staying safe. I see some weird stuff but nothing serious and he’s not shy to have conversations about any of it.

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I think your husband doesn’t need kids

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Never had to take doors off, but if it came to that , I’d take the doorknob, then the kid would know you could pop in at any time. Just a thought.

Depends on the reason. Does she have mental health issues? Is she sneaking out? Like why. My father always went through my stuff and i hated him for it. He also was abusive and neglectful so it wasnt him being a good parent. My advice if she isnt having issues i wouldnt because it could ruin your relationship.

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If it’s a safety concern then possibly or if the kid goes missing

My mother always respected us to not do it. She trusted us and for that we never did anything wrong. I’m not saying to not do it as every situation is different but I’m greatful she didn’t feel the need to snoop.

Ha! Two out of three of my kids currently have their doors off :joy: the day they start paying the bills and putting themselves through college is the day they have full privacy :woman_shrugging:t2: need to change? Good thing they have these awesome things called bathrooms. I’m with the husband all the way.

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Depends on age and reasoning imo…

If you are just curious then absolutely NOT OK!

If you have suspicion about something talk to your child… if that doesn’t work then yes… snooping may be warranted but again that depends on reasoning. (Self harm, drugs, alcohol are my only reasoning for snoopin)

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Adults need privacy…period.

Find a middle ground between the 2

I would clean my teens room and always leave on a freely made bed anything I found that was inappropriate…that way they knew I knew and we would talk about it…always kept me connected

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It depends on the situation and age of the child really. A pre-teen/teen certainly needs a door but doesn’t need a lock.

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Depends. Did they give you a reason to go through their things. Did they do or say something to make you think they are hiding something?

absolutely not. my parents have done this to me several times in childhood and adult years and it has mortified me in way i can’t openly explain on the internet or ill go to a crazy house. either way, don’t torture your kids like this. clearly your husband isn’t the open and comforting type or your children would just bluntly tell y’all everything out of basic trust.

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It depends… what are you looking for ???

Absolutely not unless safety is a concern.