What are your thoughts when you are only staying in the marriage for the kids sake until they are older…let me also say that we do not fight with eachother, he knows how i feel about him (even though he chooses to ignpre it) we do not fight, we still hang out as a family i just lost romantic feelings for him…thats it…is it still wrong to stay for the kids so they have a happy family? We literally get along great…he just cant accept that I am not in love with him anymore…and i dont wanan tear my kids from a happy home life since i grew up in an unhappy one…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should you stay in a marriage for the kids sake if you aren't unhappy?
I wouldn’t stay. I’m not into being anywhere that I don’t enthusiastically want to be. I also would be tempted to see someone when I don’t feel anything connected to him.
You should definitely consider it.
Nope!! The kids will hate you when they find out that you only stayed for them. Put on your big girl panties and haul ass. Break it up, move out, do whatever. You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.
It’s not a happy home if mom isn’t happy, it may be better for them as you would have a big weight off your shoulders
How old are your kids ?? In my opinion of the kids understand what’s going on of you explain it and talk about it as a family. They adjust a little bit better (I’m talking in my experience with myself and my 4 younger sisters with our parents) but if you tell them out of the blue it might be a little tough)
Nope! You need to be happy too
A lot of times, us moms put ourselves last.
I was in this same boat for a long ass time and I finally let him go in February and couldn’t be happier.
Nope. Two parents separated and happy is better than together and miserable.
Absolutely not!!! Is that what you want your kids thinking is a good relationship? And I have heard Multiple People say the WORST DECISION EVER WAS STAY UNTIL THE KIDS WERE OLDER!!!
Unpopular opinion. Once you have kids their happiness is what matters most.
Just read the first question and nothing else - nah.
have you tried couples counseling or marriage therapy together with your spouse to explore the options of saving your marriage
Absolutely not. As a child that grew up in this, do not put them through that. The child will end up feeling guilty because there will come a time when the child realizes that they are the only reason their parents are still together and it will cause them to feel guilty for their parents both being miserable. Is it worth your children’s mental health? Is that the type of relationship that you want them to strive for, to stay in a relationship they are unhappy in? I sure as hell know I don’t want my child or my bonus children to stay in a relationship that they are unhappy in.
Can you fall in love again? If not then no because you’re teaching them to settle.
I stayed to keep my family together. Worse decision I ever made. Finally left. My kids have never been happier. They’re happy with happy parents. Do what’s best for you and they will understand. <3
I thought that it was for the kids sake my entire life up until 3 months ago. I’ve never seen my boys happier!! After 20 years of marriage my oldest is going to be 18 next month we also have a 17 yr old and a 4 year old and in the last three months of me filing for divorce my boys are happy I’m happy we are relaxed and actually enjoying life!! Do NOT stay for the kids sake it actually makes them just as unhappy as you are unfortunately!!
or also as a 2nd option, separate briefly for a month or 2 as a trial separation to see if this is what you both want. If indeed the two of you decide to legally separate and then get a divorce, have a sit down with your kids
Kids can feel the situation. Honestly they need happy parents not parents trying to pretend.
No…but love is a choice. Maybe counseling?
Staying when you are “roommates” also teaches your kids to settle and just ride through life and marriage and life is way too short for that
Nope. The children deserve to see you happy.
I think kids are very intuitive and can sense when their parents are unhappy. I also think they would be happier in a stable home
I understand this one. I’m just bettering myself and my kids right now. When mine get a little older, I could see myself moving out. But right now, the world is too crazy to be separated. So we make it work.
You’re trying to stick it out for them, meanwhile—they wish you would call it quits for everyone’s peace and mental stability.
I was that child. We don’t want you to stay for us, especially if you staying means you hurt and we have to watch it or be affected by it.
My Mom stayed with my dad for me and I wish she’d have left. It took a huge toll on her mentally. She’s ok now but it took a while.
No. You do not want to set the example of compromising your own mental health for the benefit of anyone else at any point in time. Mental health is important and your kids need an example of what a marriage is to grow up with and you and your partner are their first hand example. Ask yourself if you want your kids to see you happy or if you want them to see you just existing in a situation.
Maybe consider a different type of living situation where y’all live together and co parent since you don’t actually have ill feelings towards each other. No one gets to actually define your relationship or what works for your family but you
my parents stayed together because they had kids. and if effed me up
I knew they were “seperated” before they actually were and it messed me up. I would’ve niches rather had 2 happy homes over 1 unhappy.
Absolutely not cause if the marriage is toxic and alot of fighting then it affects the kids as well
Find out why you get along but you’re no longer in love with him . What changed ? Work on your marriage as much as you can if it doesn’t work then split. I will say you owe it to your kids to at least try to make it work . Don’t just sit there unhappy
Maybe try to fall in love with him again and if that doesn’t work it’s ok to leave. It’s better to have 2 homes than 1 unhappy one and trust me kids can tell.
If you aren’t happy in your marriage, then you are fooling yourself into believing you have a happy home for your kids, and for yourself.
Children need to grow up seeing healthy relationships
My opinion is why are you unhappy? Has he gave you a reason to be? If not I would work on trying to find the reason you fell in love in the first place. With kids you get busy and it’s hard to make time for each other. Try date nights, or even marriage consoling before throwing in the towel. Now if he has cheated on you, hurt you, etc. definitely leave.
Definitely try marriage counseling. If that doesn’t work get out. The kids can sense that you are not happy. Eventually you will start resenting your partner and then it will get worse.
Kids need a happy parent. Not a married one.
Maybe try date nights , be romantic & find that spark again,u never know
I think I would try everything I could to fall in love again! Maybe counseling? If that is the only thing missing, you hate to give up without trying. If nothing works, then I would say it is better to end it now rather than wait! At any age it will be hard on your children. Maybe you can both move on and find someone else to make you both happy and enjoy the rest of your lives.
If your happy and he is. …yes. Why rock the boat. You both get along. Where’s the harm?
My parents stayed together but we’re unhappy which made us all unhappy. They weren’t yelling at one another or anything, just depressed. They did seperate and it seemed to get better. But ,if your both happy…stay. I think it also depends on their age. If their babies that’s 18 yrs or more. Think about it first. God bless.
no…they know & you’re teaching them its ok to stay in a unhappy relationship for kids…
… Marriages ebb and flow. Love isn’t an emotion. It’s a choice you make and work at every day. It’s not always romance and butterflies.
Read the 5 languages of love with him.
Fix it if at all possible
Or end it
Kids are much happier with parents who are happy even if that means not together .
No, I only read the first sentence. I love my kids I stayed with their dad a hell of a lot longer than I should have. It ended up hurting more in the end
I say either fix it or don’t be together. If you just stay and they don’t see you arguing and then when they’re older and you decide not to be with him anymore it could be even harder on them.
I stayed for my kids as long as I could. I thought I was doing the right thing for them. It was a very toxic relationship. I stayed for 14 years. After we split, my kids were much happier and thriving ! It took about 18 months. If you think your kids can’t feel the tension and the disconnect, I promise you they can.
You can fall in love again if you make a bit of effort.
All relationships have ebbs and flows.
Try spend some time together without the kids.
Remember why you got involved with each other.
I don’t believe so. My thought was; do i want my children to think this is what a happy marriage/ life is?? I didn’t want my kids to grow up thinking how we were living was " Normal/ Happy". It wasn’t. I left (the kids came with me). It was really hard, but looking back, I DON’T REGRET IT.
Do what’s best for yourself and your kids. Maybe one day you two can rekindle the spark you once had
What makes you think you are no longer in love with him? And no. It’s not okay to live as a married couple if you aren’t truly happy as a married couple. Your kids WILL notice. It’s okay to give yourself a happy life and if you aren’t truly happy in your Marriage it will show.
No, I did and everyone was unhappy. Now we are all happy separately.
It’s not fair for your kids OR their dad if your unhappy. It’s unfair cause it’s basically giving him false hope, and it could turn to bitterness, which in turn WOULD hurt your kids
Absolutely don’t stay for that reason alone. Kids know when things aren’t right and that you’re not happy. They want you to be happy and sharing custody will be better for the family.
Never!!! Stay for the kid or kids sake. Please have a family meeting. You two need to explain why you are not IN LOVE with each other ( no nasty details of why) Tell them you two will always love them and they are not the problem!!!
My parents did that for a long time. We (the kids) could tell they were unhappy. We could see it. They ended up getting divorced and dating other people then decided to get back together 5-7 years later and have been together ever since.
Say your child wrote this. How does that make you feel?
No the only thing it would happen was a children will suffer if you stay in marriage and not happy in
Would you want your children to stay in an unhappy marriage? would you want your daughter to be in your shoes would you want your son to spend a life with a woman that wasn’t in love with him? Don’t let your children wake up one day and find out that their whole lives was just an act. You’ll destroy them.
People fall in and out of love with each other. Go to counselling
Staying together for the kids’ sake was done years ago. That’s how a lot of marriages survived for years and years. But a lot of those people grew indifferent toward each other at best. I would say there were probably some who hated each other. And there were a lot of 20 year old marriages that went to divorce court. Nobody could ever figure out why. I suppose there are those who would applaud those people as being selfless… but I would say there were a lot of kids who spent time walking around the house on eggshells because the tension in the house was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Mom and Dad were fighting again. A lot of parents wouldn’t fight in front of the kids, they’d wait till the kids were in bed and take it outside. Some parents contained it as long as they could and then it would blow up like White Sands, New Mexico. Those kids would pray their folks would separate and get it over with. Nowadays, half of all marriages end in divorce, and a lot of those have one or more kids first. But now the break-ups are so bitter, there are often grounds for protective orders to protect mom from dad, and maybe even to keep dad away from everybody for awhile. It’s really sad. There are lots of causes for break-ups. Money trouble, infidelity, disagreements over whether or not to have children, division of household and general work at home, family; in-laws and out-laws, friends, and last but not least, boredom. This takes two different forms. Either you get sick of day-to-day routine, the same thing day in and day out… nothing really to look forward to. Or, you get tired of each other. You feel like you aren’t in love anymore. In some cases, this can be fixed with babysitters and date nights… time alone and a chance to remember why you got together in the first place… to rekindle the spark. Or sometimes you have just burnt out and you need to go your own way. You aren’t even mad. It’s just over. Do you stay together for the kids? No. Each of you deserves the chance to find a warm relationship where you feel cared about and where you can care back. The kids need to see that there’s more to marriage than a shared mailbox and a shared bed. Boys need to see that wives need help with the chores at home if they work outside the home… and there’s more to marriage than sex and waiting for the wife to finish getting dinner ready. Girls need to have Daddy tell them that they look cute in their outfits when they’re small. They need to see Daddy and Mommy joking around and having fun together, not serious and boring all the time. It’s important. But if that’s just not in you anymore? Then throw in the towel and get to a place in your life where you can laugh, play, and bond with your kids. They need that. Not a silent home.
The thing we do for our children
Have you tried therapy both as a couple and individually?
Once you were in love.
You may be able to recapture that love.
You both deserve happiness either with or without the other
If not you can not heal your marriage, therapy can help you separate and co-parent in a healthy way.
You say he is a good man and good father, it’s just that you aren’t it love with him.
The children may not understand why. Be prepared for that.
If you can’t find that romantic feeling for him, you probably should get a divorce.
He deserves a woman who will love him.
He sounds like the kind of man who will find someone pretty quickly.
And you can move on.
I wish you both the best.
Parents are better parents when they are happy.
Kids will be sad, angry, and they will act out, especially in the beginning, but it will be better for them in the long run and they will be happier.
Just be willing to work together and coparent so they’re not losing a parent.
I’m a firm believer that no one should continue in a relationship for the kids it is not fair to anyone and teaches the kids to except and settle. Life is to short. You and your partner can find love again.
NOPE, NOPE, and HOPE!!!
Absolutely not! The best scenario is for the two of you to part on healthy terms. Put the kids first but on healthy terms… And that is with the two of you happy. I left my ex at the end of 2010… Best thing I ever did.
Have y’all tried marriage counseling? If not, that’s something you and your hubby should look into.
Absolutely NOT !!!
You deserve happiness as well , your kids can still have a happy family even if you get a divorce , you can still doing stuff together as a family because you will always be their parents .
Never stay with someone just for the children
I mean there is sexual healing and therapy maybe you can be attracted to him like that again have him try change his looks workout I bet for you are that close you could get the feelings back.
Never stay just for the kids. It will hurt them in the long run. And they will be able to tell and they will think that’s how a relationship should be
Have you tried to start dating each other again? Like do things with just the two of you? When you’re stuck in a routine as parents you forget to focus on y’all’s relationship and that’s when things start going downhill. My husband and I have 7 kids between the two of us with the youngest being “ours” and it’s sooo hard to find time but if you don’t then falling out of love will happen. Get the sparks going again with date nights!
It sounds to me that you might be the perfect couple that counseling could help…I would at least try it before you do anything drastic…what have you got to lose
That teaches your kids to settle.
They are smarter than U give them credit for and to fake a happy home is not a good idea.
Yes. Love does return. Stay.
Hellll no, please don’t do it, you will have wasted precious years of your life
Its better to come from a broken home
Instead of an Unhappy home
No. It doesn’t benefit them or you. They’ll know. Even professional advice isn’t to.
Maybe you should try marriage counseling first. You need to discover why, after 2 children, you’re not attracted to him anymore.
I knew my parents weren’t in love anymore & I prayed everyday they would separate and make themselves happier, they would’ve been better parents.
So…What did you love about him to begin with? Try thinking about what it was you fell in love with enough to marry him and have a family. Then try working on making it happen again.
No, but that doesn’t mean the kids can’t have a relationship with both parents as long as that’s consistent cz that’s all that matters is your children and what they will take in, if you’re unhappy then leave as it doesn’t work, your mental health matters too. Do it amicably then the kids will respect both of you. But no don’t stay in a relationship for the sake of the children.
I typically say no. But I think that maybe with a little bit of work and time, you might be able get those romantic feelings back. I wouldn’t say your marriage is unhappy if you get along great and everything otherwise is going smoothly. I’d say it’s platonic, which is a lot more common than most people think.
I think that it’s really a conversation you need to have with your husband though and not a group of strangers on the internet. Everyone is going to have different opinions & too many opinions can make things feel worse than they are.
However, if there is negative tension between you two, it could cause internal turmoil for your kids.
Maybe you could try couples counseling or even just trying to get the spark back, as that may be the only issue. Try going on dates with him. If things don’t start to feel romantic, that’s ok.
I don’t see an issue with it unless you guys start dating other people. When it gets to that point it probably a better idea to make new living arrangements but if that’s on pause for while then I’d say why not if u guys can get along and be friends then it’s just like being roomies but better cuz ur kids r his and his yours so u don’t ever have to lose time with them.
Love is a choice, if you want to keep your family together then you need to make the choice to fix the relationship. As couples are together longer we get lazy we stop doing the little things we did in the beginning. We can’t tell you what to do myself I would try to fix the problem even if that means therapy first. Figure out how things changed since you felt in love with him figure out if you want the feelings back that you had for him. If you really want to be with someone new then don’t stay for the kids sake.
have you tired counseling? maybe you are just bored…maybe the love can be revived?
“keeping the family together” isn’t always the healthiest choice. And not just talking about abuse or stuff like that. We deserve to be happy, excited, and passionate about life. It’s okay to move on. Everything has a season and sometimes it’s a short one and sometimes it’s long term.
And sometimes, holding on to a short season causes more pain than letting go.
It sounds like you’ll have good foundation for co-parenting. Show your kids that you deserve happiness and so do they.
Also, I won’t talk about fairness, but it doesn’t seem right that EITHER of you have to be in a relationship that makes you unhappy. Begin the process to move on and set you both free.
You need some counseling
Good luck finding “Mr right” grass is always greener. Nobody is happily married 24/7
How about counseling? Why did you ever marry him? You appear to be a self-serving person here. You should search your soul and ask yourself if you want your children to grow up like you did. I think this is why we have so many problems with kids these days. TOOOOOO many divorces or non-marriages where people just have to walk away to make themselves feel better.
The dynamic may change if either of you develop feelings for someone else so if you want to stay under the same roof for now you’ll need to have some really honest conversations
As the child who is in this situation then absolutely not. Staying in a relationship just for the children isn’t healthy for anyone.
If you don’t want to be with anyone else then why is it an issue ?
Ur making the child suffer along with u
you can be in a Happy Home And be a single parent. I wouldn’t Stay With anyone For Ur kids. I’m sure you wouldn’t want Ur Children To Stay with someone when they are unhappy. make a Happy home Alone
all i can say is follow your heart - do what u think is right - for kids and u!
You sound as though you have your eyes set on someone else. The grass may seem greener on that side until you set your feet on it. You didn’t mention any faults about your husband, so it seems as though you want to test other waters. Your husband don’t deserve that, he deserves better. You go test your grass and waters and leave him to get some who truly appreciates him
If your happy then be happy…but don’t stay to make others happy
Get out honey… Sooner then later is always better.
You will eventually be done with it all no matter how hard you try.