Christ sake his family gets split up new step mum new sibling…an your surprised he’s got a few issues he’s 13!!! …the way you sound if you were my step mum I’d stay the f home too. You’ve had 2 measly years with this man, share no children , an aren’t married stay in your lane, support your boyfriend if needed …but what really has any of this even got to do with you?? Proper bad vibes here in my opinion.
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These comments do not pass the vibe check. There is nothing wrong with fighting to be with their son. You don’t neglect your kids because they don’t want to do something or think they know what’s best for themselves. They are kids, our job is to educate and guide them. To love them even when they are difficult. If he’s only visited 4 times in 9 months, is there a chance he’s being influenced when he’s away? The divorce sounds like it could still be very fresh and new to him, not to mention he’s the oldest. He’s probably taking it hard, and if he’s with mom, mom could easily be blaming dad for the break up, or he could be making that assumption on his own. I went through two divorces myself as a kid. The second time I was 14 when it happened, I was wreck-less, and I hated the women my dad paired up with. The next time you manage to get him over, I’d let Dad take him out. Get him out of the house. Bowling, laser tag, dinner, game room, etc. Something to get one on one dad and son time for them to bond and hopefully start to communicate. Let him know that whatever he is feeling is valid and that you two are there to help whenever he needs. Maybe compromise with him, if he’s willing to come every other weekend, you guys can do something in return. This is the worst time to back off, especially if you aren’t sure why he’s acting out. My dad wasn’t the greatest parent but I moved out at 15 and never looked back. Maybe if he had tried to communicate with me and cared how I felt, things could have been different. Kids, especially teenagers remember when you ignore them. They remember all the little details you may not think matter. Good luck, and stay concerned. It means you care 
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- Kids are not rentals - child support is for basic care and needs of the child it doesn’t buy you access
- A 13 year old votes with their feet - even if he goes for full custody it’s unlikely that a judge will force a 13 year old to go where they don’t want to go - furthermore on the topic of full custody unless you can prove serious neglect abuse or some other reason why it’s needed it’s unlikely that you will be successful in removing children from their primary caregiver “just because” you can apply to the courts for more time but your dreaming if you think full custody will be on the table without actual reason
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Stay out of it…if you want your sanity…stay out of it.
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He’s obviously going through a phase or trying to please his mom. I think the best thing to do is not to force the situation. My therapist said after years her sons decided they only want to stay with their dad and see her occasionally. Their dad had more relaxed rules and bought them gadgets and it basically became a competition. Children can be manipulative believe it or not. Respect his wishes and give him his distance.
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The kid is 13 years old. Just wait till the others hit teenage years. He’s not being a brat or anything like that, he’s being a teenager.
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His a 13 year old boy, he isn’t gonna wanna go to his dad’s every weekend. It happens, yeah your fiances feelings are probably hurt. But that’s what happens when kids grow up, tell him to go to whatever town/city the kids and do something he enjoys doing instead of coming out to the ‘country’…
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Right off the bat what you both did was wrong. He’s a teenager he doesn’t want to come over and forcing him to do so is pushing him away from you. He used his voice and said he doesn’t want to come over so don’t make him. Let him make some choices, hear him. Child support is irrelevant, that’s his son he can take care of him financially. 13yo will come around but give him space. His family is now broken and his dad is getting remarried, he needs time to process and heal. Listen to your fiancé vent about his frustration or hurt from not visiting with his son, but encourage him to spend some one on one time with him also.
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The way you are talking about him and calling him names, seems like you are the problem. You basically have been the other woman since you’ve been together 2 years and his divorce was just finalized. Start acting like an adult instead of the brat you are accusing them of being
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Most of these comments are funny. What if the roles was reversed and the dad had custody and the son didn’t want to see the mom so the dad says he don’t have to go… half you mothers on here would probably have the dad in court for contempt of court orders!
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Stay out of it! U have only been with the man 2 years in a child’s eyes that’s still quite a new relationship. He has known his dad and he’s mums relationship and knows where he is happy. He is old enough to make a choice and have he’s own opinions. Sorry but if he doesn’t want to be there with u and his dad don’t force him to do so… it will only end up in hate and resentment towards you both. I have never forced any of mine to stay with me they choose too. When it comes to their dads wkends with them all 3 ages between 8 and almost 16 all have a choice … go or don’t go … it’s all 
up to them and what they are comfortable with.
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Dad needs to find things to do with him especially since he only gets him twice a month. I’m grown and don’t like going places that bore me so he’s being human not a brat.
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Let him stay home 
always invite but always respect his decision. using force will make the situation worse, not better. Something may happen at home one day when he wants to have a place to run to and that place may be yours as long as he know the door is open
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He’s literally a teenager being a teenager. My 12-year-old sister lives about seven hours away from me and we have offered to pick her up and stay for long periods of time and I get told that it’s boring here what she really means is she can’t go and play with her friends that’s literally it. I’m not sure why your butt hurt by a teenager acting how teenager acts. Also your partner pays child-support because they are his children, child-support is to support the mother with the raising of the child financially, so that’s completely irrelevant here. I think what you need to do is take a step back and leave it to dad and the son to deal with. I understand that you are a part of their lives but step back and allow the son the breathing space he clearly needs. And don’t tell your fiancé to put his foot down when it’s his sons choice if he wants to come or not, it’s pushing the son away!
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You’ve only known the man two years and the kid has 13 years of life experience with him. If he doesn’t want to go he can’t be forced once they get above the age of being picked up and handed over no one is going to physically put hands on that child and make him come see dad and the new wife
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Keep in mind, the oldest usually suffers the biggest effects when their parents split and they start hitting puberty full throttle. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is fair. Everything is boring. Everyone only wants them to be miserable. How is their moms behavior in all of this? Is she bitter? Is she manipulative? Does she communicate with their Dad? At this point all you can do is support your husband all you can and show all the kids you’re there for the right reasons without trying to force anything. I can’t imagine being a parent to a child who doesn’t want to see me. It would be devastating. If he wants full custody for the children’s best interest, fight it by his side. But if he’s only doing it with the hope his child will in return want to be around all the time, he could actually end up causing resentment. The oldest is likely to see it as once again he’s being jerked into an unwanted situation to where his whole life changes and he has no choice once again. Tread lightly. There’s a fine line between doing what’s best for the kids and doing what the adults want without consideration of long term effects of them being selfish. I feel like you have the best intentions deep down, but that’s not always what’s best for everyone.
I’d suggest Dad makes the oldest a priority right now without making the younger kids feel left out. He needs to spend some one on one time to allow him to feel like he and his opinion matters and is always being considered. Let him make choices on what he wants to do and how much interaction he wants to put forth. He needs to feel important and like his decisions matter. He does not need to feel like he’s always being forced and has no say in his own life
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The father is paying support because he helped make the children!! Do not force the 13 year old, leave the invitation open to him at all times, and maybe when he learns he isn’t being forced to visit, he might eventually want to on his own accord. Also, when the other 2 children are excited and talking about being at their dads, he might get curious to see what he is missing out on. Please don’t force him to visit, hormones are overloaded and he would rather spend time with his mates as he is in secondary school now and becoming a “grown-up”. Good luck x
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Some of you never experienced divorced parents and it really shows. Yikes 
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My ex and I let our kids choose where they want to be. Our 14 y/o son spends most of his time with me and our 7 y/o daughter spends most of her time with her dad. That’s the way they like it. Do we miss the time with the other kid? Of course. Would we FORCE them to spend time with the other parent? Of course not. It’s so much easier on the kid if you let them do what makes them happy. Forcing a teenager to go somewhere they don’t want to go can cause lasting damage to that relationship. I speak from experience on the kid’s side of this scenario.
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It sounds like a normal teenager to me. My 11 year old wants to be with her friends most of the time anymore as well. Divorce is a lot on a child and I don’t think your bf should give up on seeing his kid but find some fun 1 on 1 things he can do with just then. He might be older but I’m sure he misses his Dad and wants to spend some time with just him. Chid support also had nothing to do with anything. He should be supporting his kids regardless and if son doesn’t want to come, then he doesn’t.
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I have a 13 year old, she is constantly in her room & very rarely wants to do anything in regards to family time 
I wouldn’t panic, honestly. I think most teenagers go through this stage instead why don’t your husband think of things he may enjoy, like cinema, amusements, theme parks… and have some 1 on 1 time with him. That’s what he’ll secretly be craving, he doesn’t want to sit around with his younger siblings playing “babyish games” - completely normal.
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At 14 I visited my dad when he was going to give me presents, and I lived with and hated my mom. Our children owe us nothing. A very effective way of pushing them away forever is to act like they do. All this talk about the dad having a right to see his kid… where is this child’s right to their own voice? Does this suck for dad? Yup. But forcing visits will NOT help. Keep inviting him, try to plan outings he will like (like stuff he will really like not ridiculous Brady Bunch garbage) and hope he comes around at some point. It might be a while.
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Maybe bc you’ve been with his dad for two years, but his parents only divorced 4 months ago?
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Those aren’t your children, I’m not sure why you think you can take another woman’s children away from her, but think again. And his divorce was finalized in May and he’s already getting into another marriage?? He’s going to have to pay child support whether the children see him every weekend or once a month, and if you both insist on working the pay for play angle, you are just begging for disaster.
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Stop trying to force the kid to do what you want. Let him choose when he wants to come over. And maybe when he does, actually do stuff all as a family instead of having the kids sit around all day doing nothing. Also ask him what he would like to do.
Just stop forcing crap on him.
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Paying his responsibility in child support has literally 0 effect on the point of this post and it’s extremely wrong to even state such things.
Secondly, he’s a teenage boy, he doesn’t want to go to his dads then I would respect that, focusing him to do that will cause nothing but more resentment.
It’s hard for your hubby to let go but unfortunately that is a part of children growing up regardless.
Maybe dad needs to spend one on one time with him on the teenagers terms, maybe being stuck in a house on a farm isn’t his cup of tea, maybe dad needs to facilitate bonding on a more mutual level Between the two.
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I think kids at that age go through a stage where they want to spend all their time with their friends or a possible gf/bf. These friends are usually around where the primary residence is. I honestly wouldn’t force the issue with him as it could push him away and cause a lot of resentment.
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Deeper seeded issue here. Kids are affected and you gotta zero in on what is really bothering this kid. They don’t know how to process their feelings so try an empathetic angle. Presents as Bratty but he’s def feeling a certain type of way. It’s relevant don’t forget that. Especially if he’s a great dad….speaking from experience
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I really feel for you its so hard blending different parenting methods and trying to navigate a healthy way through . just a thought but it might be that the eldest feels he needs to be on his mums side, and the more the other two love it at yours, the more he feels he needs to have his mums back. Not through anyone’s fault but just cos sometimes kids feel they need to decide who to side with. I would make sure he continually knows he never has to chose, mum and dad may not be together but he never has to pick a parent. That you muss him but want him to know he is always always welcome even when its not dads time. He may still be hurting from separation. Good luck stay strong and keep reassuring him
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My son is 13 and goes to his dads most weekends and as much as he loves his dad and half brother he still likes to stay at mine at the weekends because his friends up here have planned to do something and he doesn’t want to miss out. He also goes through stages where he will want to stay at his dads for the week and not come back home to me. It’s teenagers they prefer to be with their friends, I’d say it’s nothing to do with not wanting to see you and his dad
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My daughter moved to live with her dad, which 3 hours away, when she was 15. I thought I was going to die. But, here I am, living and shit! She turns 17 this weekend and I have got to see her maybe 4 times this whole year. Whenever she comes to visit she has to go see all of her old friends and I allow her to because I know that I am her mother and me and my fiance are boring! I still don’t understand why she moved out but that is something I have put in God’s hands. I may never get that answer and I am okay with that. As long as I know she is happy. I think that is what we all as parents should be worrying about is if our children are happy.
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My daughter is the same way. She would actually rather be at my mom’s house in her free time rather than our house or her dad’s house… why? Because she’s becoming a teenager (12) and her friends live around my mom’s neighborhood and it’s in town near things as opposed to our being 30 mins away from town. Do I still “make” her come home? Of course I do, I want to spend time with her too. But in her free time, after school and volleyball and all of that throughout the week, yeah girl, go hang with your friends. Go do something fun. Go enjoy being a kid.
It’s all about balance and perspective I guess. Good luck!
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Kids go through so much hell when their parents split up. I’ve been on both sides, as a stepdaughter and as a parent to my children having to process me and their dad’s divorce. There is more to it than this young man is saying. Maybe it is his way of trying to get attention from his dad or trying to push him away to see if he will fight for him. I know it is a lot, what you’re going through, but it might help you to both talk to this young man and ask him what things he would like to do, just for him and his dad together (fishing, bowling etc) and ask him to help come up with ideas for the family to do together. Make him feel included and make him feel like he’s got a voice in your family. I hope the best for you all. It is complicated, but with love and support, you can get through it.
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Let him stay home. If the shoe was on the other foot would you force him to go to his mother’s? Probably not so why force him to go to your house. Child support doesn’t mean you get to make the child stay with you bc you pay support for his care not his time.
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He’s acting out, I bet especially since the divorce. Your fiance should encourage the mother to get him counseling. Also with the new changes, he wants to be where he knows people and the area. So I can understand why he says it’s boring. Kids nowadays don’t value nature and country living.
Unfortunately he is at an age where he has a say. I would just be patient with him to avoid causing more issues and for sure therapy can help him.
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maybe the dad should do more with his kid it sounds like that boy needs his dad to be there for him especially now in a way they can connect
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Can dad and son have a weekend away together something that 13 year old will find fun? They can bond and chat and set agreements that he comes certain amount of times and what it is he needs when he does visit.
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I wouldn’t make him come. Just because he pays child support doesn’t mean he is paying for visiting. Let him be, he’s 13 and at that age. Maybe he needs to do some one on one time with him. He will come around quicker if he doesn’t feel forced.
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4 step kids,9,12 and 14 year old twin girls,the boys come every fortnight for the weekend without fail,the girls on the other hand its as and when they want to, they used to come regiously too but as they get older and develop social lives of there own and want to do things with friends it naturally becomes less,they come when they want too and theres no point forcing the issue,can u not remeber being a teenager?,forcing it just creates resentment,he probably feels like he is missing out,give the lad space and understanding,he will come bk,my daughter is now 22 and went through this with her dad but keeps contact and visits when she is free,its normal,saying hes bored there etc and and playing up and hurtful msgs is normal,hes too immature to articulate his feelings,kids manipulate
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In the same boat with my teen girl and do do I force her to hang out with me and her five year old brother…no hell I know we’re boring we only do kid stuff…at the end of the day does the kid love us…of course!!!
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Leave him alone he’s a teenager and probably has more privecy at his mom, u shouldn’t b forcing him to stay with u if he dont want to , my nephew is 13 and he’s the same way he would rather stay with his mom cus he’s only child there and he has peace and quiet , while at dad’s there r lil kids and he has to wach them and do chores , dont force him to come or he will hate u more and act up he will come around just give him his space .
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I hear this so often about teenagers who have to live through a divorce. Maybe some family counseling. The teenager has a life there with his friends and whatever activities he is in at his mom’s. Everywhere weekend he has to give that up. Remember when you were a teenager- friends and freedom was oh so important. Plus he is probably upset over the family splitting.
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Don’t force him at all his at a age that could affect relationship with dad if pressured his dad needs to be a constant still in his life but maybe not in the way of him staying at yours all time anymore. Forcing him may cause you’s more issues it seems
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Listen he’s nearly an adult. My niece is this age, she barely goes to her dads because her friends are at home and she has a weekend job. Your fiancé is going to have to try make some arrangements to see him on his terms occasionally because he’s older and is obviously struggling with things in a different way. Might not work with your life but sometimes you have to work with their lives. I’m sorry it’s difficult for you but if your fiancé shows efforts to meet him in the middle (not literally) like dad and lad lunch when he drops the others off?
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Teenagers want these own life. And to be more independent. Dad might need to instead have a day a week or so where they do something the son likes.
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It’s a teenage thing. I have two older sons 12 and 14 from my previous marriage. They are meant to visit every second weekend and school holidays. As they have gotten older my 12 year old sometimes doesn’t come because he would prefer to stay at his dads and have some time without his brothers ( I also have a 5 year old son that is with me from a different relationship.
It hurts like hell when he chooses not to come but he goes through phases. Sometimes when he doesn’t come for his regular visit not long after he will go through a stage of calling me every night then want to stay longer next visit. I just keep communication open, tell him I love him and he knows I’m always here if he needs me.
Forcing the son to come to yours I feel will push him further away and cause resentment. I’m sure if you give him the space he needs he will come around eventually.
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When I was a teen I saw my dad on the weekends. Eventually his alcoholism and verbal abuse got to the point where I told him to F off and I didn’t even talk to him for 2 years. This background matters because even though I had no friends to hang out with, I knew the drug abusers at my moms house were easier to handle. Sure it’s a little bit of teenager angst and all that, but whether it be you or his dad, this kid would not be making such a fuss if there wasn’t a reason to. Hell, he might not even like being with mom, but if he has the freedom and ease to hang out with friends I’m sure he takes that when he can. Kids aren’t brats, they just don’t know how to communicate their feelings, and/or aren’t allowed to. Take this from an “ungrateful and spoiled brat”.
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Talk to the 13 year old. Find out what he would like to do when he comes over. Give him choices in activities you can all go do when he’s there.
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My friend and her ex have 11 and 14 year old together. The 11 year old goes to his dad weekends and after school regularly. The eldest chooses when he wants to see his dad which isn’t that often
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At that age my daughter didn’t want to go with her dad,so I didn’t make her.She is now 26 and she just started having a relationship with her dad again and he passed away last month and she regrets so much.
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I am both a child of a divorce and a stepmom. As a child of divorce its not easy to go visit with another person who isnt ur other parent. I went thru hell and never wanted to go to my dads his gf was mean and vindictive and always said awful things about my mom in my face and my dad watched and did nothing all i wanted was to be with my mom who only mentioned my dad when it was time for visitation she kept her feelings to herself about my dad. I chose my mom.
As a stepmom, i love my stepson as my own and will treat him as my own but i also step aside and let my husband deal with his oldest on all matters as a respect. I support him and know what he wants and what his son wants. I told my husband ask ur son if he wants to come live with us. So he did and his son said yes so we are working on getting things together to go deal with that.
Knowing what a kid really wants at 13 is very important because if u force him to do what you want he will act up and that could result in endangering the younger ones, the 13 yr old running away or getting into illegal stuff or becoming destructive because why not its the only thing he can control and if he cant be happy no one will…(teenage thinking) i was givin a choice after being forced to go to my dads and i chose no more seeing my dad. i avoided my dad and his gf as much as i could being at their house and the abuse i endured then affects me now. Ask the 13 yr old his choice not the parents. He is old enough to know where he wants and if he changes his mind support the child. If he really doesnt want to be with yall then dont force him.
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Sorry to say but he’s 13 he has a say now, and a choice. Been here done it stop pushing the issue or he will just stay with mom
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Child support is relevant to income and custody.
If his son doesn’t want to come you can’t force him. At 13 he has his own thoughts and opinions.
Fighting for custody to lower support will cost more in the long run
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My parents were divorced and we went to my dads every other weekend. Forcing him to go is going to cause resentment. Thankfully when we got to an age where we would rather not go, my dad was super understanding. We have a super close relationship.
Being bored is like the absolute worst thing in a teenagers mind. They act like it’s gonna kill them. Been there.
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God you sound like the step mom from hell! Trying to force yourself into your step kids lives then throwing a fit when you learn it doesn’t work that way especially with teens. I can almost guarantee that the things this teen is saying to get out of coming over are not what he really wants to say and the problem is he has no desire to be around you it has nothing to do with his father. Bet if his dad offered to go hang out with him just the 2 of them the kid would jump at the opportunity. I can also almost guarantee that he is not the only one of your step kids that feel this way he is just the only one with the courage to do something about it while the others are sucking it up and playing nice. The kid isn’t a brat you are. You need to step back out of your fiance’s relationship with his kids because all you are doing is creating a wedge and the other kids will eventually start to show their resentment towards you for it. Encourage your fiance to go hang out with his kids 1 on 1 especially the oldest. Do not force him to come to your house. Divorce is a hard thing for kids to go through adding a new step mom and step siblings into the picture before the devorce is even finalized and it’s a nightmare but add an overbearing brat of a stepmom impossible. Sounds like you need a reality check and to Grow the hell up
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I have an 11 yo step daughter who was 5 when I came into the picture and I love her like I do my own children… we got custody of her 1 year ago next month (but not because we pushed for it) but before that she was supposed to come over every weekend but we wouldn’t make her come if she didn’t want to, and some times she would go weeks without coming up here or even talking to us other than “hey how’s my sister’s doing?” During a quick phone call or a random “I love and miss y’all” text… now? She hasn’t been to her mom’s in over a month and hardly talks to her, but her mom also works full time and goes in right before she gets home from school and doesn’t get off till after her bed time… She hated it here at first cause we didn’t have much for her to do cause we live in what she calls “the boondocks” but now she has a trampoline, laptop, cell phone, friends, ATV, hoverboard and a crap ton of other stuff to keep her occupied and she loves school out here… she actually told her mom that the only way she will move back in with her is if she doesn’t have to switch schools again…
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By forcing him or trying to get full custody is only going to make things worse. It wasn’t just the adults that went through things…his parents divorced, his dad has someone new in his life and a new sibling, add puberty to that…it’s a LOT! Let him work through this and he will come around, putting pressure on is not the answer
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when i was still at home, mom and dad also divorced… we had no choice. When its dads time its his time or weekend. Why does it feel like kids have more “choices or options” for themselves these days? Getting what "they " want… we didn’t die from visiting dad no matter how boring it might have been🤷♀️
Divorce is tough on kids especially at that age. My husband went through many ups and downs with his kids during and for years after the divorce. I think it took 4-5 years for his daughter to come around and 3 for his son to come around to the idea that dad didn’t abandon them and that I wasn’t a horrible person who stole their dad and that my daughter didn’t replace them. It’s going to take time and for him and his ex to properly communicate and coparent. The son probably feels like he’s not wanted, done something wrong, or like he doesn’t have a place in the family. I don’t have enough time or space to share what we went through but feel free to message me and I can share my story and what worked for us when the kids were that age.
I’d venture to guess he’s most likely being told things by the mother. I’ve had a similar situation with my oldest step child being used as a therapist and best friend to their mom knowingly or unknowingly turning them against their father and his “new” family. I feel for your fiancé and can only hope he and his son maybe get some counseling to find out why he doesn’t want to be around, besides boredom.
You need to keep a journal and start writing in it everyday about whats said or done by the oldest son.
But i can tell you, i have 2 stepsons and its really hard for boys to blend into their dad and new stepmoms family. It just is.
I lucked out and got the best stepkids period. I got with my hubby 11 years ago.
We got pregnant and had our son whos about to be 10 yrs old in january. Anyways, my one stepson lives in the Philadelphia side of PA and we live in pittsburgh which is a good 6 hr drive. So he would usually just stay for a few days on 1 major holiday a year like easter then he would stay for like a month every summer. When i first met my hubby, my stepson was only like 8 yrs old.
He loved coming here and is really really close with his little half-brother Once my stepson became a teenager, he came to Pittsburgh less and less.
So we just started going to his hometown more and more to visit a few times a year. You kinda just have to go with the flow with teenage boys. That’s my best advice to give. This is normal for 13 yr old boys.
Now my stepson is 20 yrs old and we barely see him. It sucks when kids growup.
Idk your stepsons moms situation but i know its better to be cordial with the mom. Especially if the boys saying little remarks about being scared or whatever it was he said. You know the old saying, “keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer”?!!
He went through this divorce as well. I feel for you guys. But I feel for the boy more. His life has been turned upside down. Give him a little time. He will come around. Personally I would not make him do it. He’s a kid. He doesn’t know how to work through everything that is going on. Just my opinion
Ignore all the “mom experts” on here! They love to be preachy Karens, if they knew it all they wouldn’t be on this page 
IMO, if I may give it…I think you let him be. It’s a phase and he’s not going to ignore his dad forever. As for the child support well he kinda has to by law sorry
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So I was a teenager and my parents were divorced. I loved my dad, but I also wanted to see my friends on the weekend. My dad used to let me pick a friend to come over, or plan to do fun things and I would bring a friend with me. Maybe ask what HE wants to do, or if there is a friend he wants to come over. You guys are in the country you said. Maybe s’mores, camping, a hike, etc. Some outdoor fun might be enjoyable for a teenage boy. Good luck!
All he can do with the kids is love them and support them. They are not possessions so the They are mine x amount of days because I paid my child support is crap. I can see the kids point… come stay away from his friends and regular activities to entertain dad is probably irritating at best. Dad could put in more effort to call more or see him without having to sequester him him in a home he’s unfamiliar with away from his regular life. I’m sure he’s old enough to add now and he’s aware that mom and dad are only recently divorced but dad’s been in a relationship with you for 3 years if you have a 2 year old. He may feel like it is wrong to support dad’s cheating on mom. Let him come when he wants and build a relationship on his terms and he will be more likely to want to spend time with dad. And if they all get to where they don’t want to come- as they get older well dad knew he had 3 kids when he made the 2 year old. His choice to leave them… His mess to pay for not the kids.
If he doesn’t wanna go he doesn’t wanna go
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Change your attitude first ! You sound like the wicked step mom …and btw that child support is just that to support the child not payment for visitation it sounds like you need to grow up
So in his mind you are the reason his parents got a divorce, you and his dad have been together 2 years by your own admission and his divorce was only 4-5 months ago. He’s at the age he can make his own decision where he wants to live. Nothing you can do about it.
At 13 he should be able to choose and you sound like the brat. You mention the child support like the kid cares. He’s not a rental. My son is 13, and doesn’t always like to go to his dads every other weekend. This is a very delicate time in a 13 year olds life. Their bodies and hormones are changing. And since his mom and dad are recently divorced and you are ALREADY the fiance, he may have some feelings about that. Maybe stop and try to understand his feelings. He’s a normal teenager.
Sounds like his mom is putting shit n that kids head. Hes 13 he dosen’t have a choice here. Ur not bringing harm 2 him so he has 2 keep coming
Love that people come here for advice and majority of you tear people up. Hopefully your never in this situation and if you ever are, take your own advice.
First off you are the problem. From reading this you obviously have a problem with his oldest son and kids aren’t stupid they can pick up on things like that. You can’t force him to do anything and trying to “put your foot down” is only going to push him further away. He’s at that age where kids push away so you need to level yourself and try to be understanding. Go see a therapist or something.
I say don’t force it…like many of these other women mentioned, he’s 13, he’s barely a teenager. He probably wants to be with his friends and also teenagers change their minds so quickly. I say do whatever makes him comfortable even if that means seeing him less. You guys are adults and your fiancé should do what he can to make sure his child is comfortable, it’s not like he isn’t going to see his son ever again. I’m sure eventually he will want to be at your house more often, but until then definitely don’t force him to do anything. It sounds like this child has been through so much in just a few short years…his parents got divorced, his dad has a new soon to be wife, there’s a new sibling, etc. Let him know he is wanted and will always be wanted at your place, but don’t force him, let him stay at his mom’s for longer if that’s what he wants.
My son don’t go to his dad’s. Doesn’t matter paying support or not. Visit and support are 2 different things. Don’t force it. All the dad can do is encourage him and invite him all the time. Keep in contact and don’t be mean about it. My ex forced our son to go at that age and it has ruined their relationship. My son don’t go because he doesn’t like his dad’s girlfriend. She tries way too hard and he doesn’t feel comfortable. He don’t feel like he belongs either. His dad has tried to guilt him into going and he has shoved him farther away. So if he hears about changing of custody etc it will be worse. This is a iffy age. Just have the dad call him and just talk about what’s going on with school etc. Say he would live to see him. Maybe just a day and not the whole weekend. Keep the relationship flowing.
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There is so much wrong with this post, I know you’re looking for advice but you’re so full of negativity.
From pretty much saying the kid should come cos dad pays so much maintenance to you’ll need help with 4 kids!! you made your bed sweet pea, so lie in it.
You can’t force a teenager to give up every second weekend, or whatever it is, to spend time with his dad, unless dad carved out some specific time for just boys stuff, a bit of male bonding, father and sons, not just everyone together i.e all the girls!!
There’s a lot going on here, separation, divorce, moving, new step family, dads engaged. that’s a lot of change and I can only assume it’s all within the last 2.5 years for the new family bit as you’ve a 2 year old!!
Give the kid some space, support your fiancé in helping him make time for his son(s) and maybe you could see the bigger picture, not just your perspective.
Good luck.
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At least he’s paying support cause some dads/mums don’t bother paying for their children, like some have said don’t force him to go to yours with his younger siblings give him an option and he might start respecting you both and wanting to go one day to yours. And when someone said are you to blame for his parents divorce my other half parents split and found new partners and they aren’t to blame for them separating there is always other reasons to separate. So don’t need to blame her, maybe she is the reason but she doesn’t need us blaming her.
Maybe the son is wanting some father son time away from the home & all the females from time to time then he might be happy to visit
I was that age too, when I stopped seeing my dad so often b/c I wanted to hang with my friends. He will come around.
Four visits in 9 months isn’t a lot and dad is missing his oldest. If there’s a way to do solo visits with dad to help rebuild their relationship or come to dad’s on an alternate weekend than his siblings it may help. He may feel like it’s his job to protect his mom and not leave her alone. Family counseling with dad may also help.
I think by calling the child a brat you are essentially saying you are not mature enough to handle the complex issues of a teenager from a divided house. All of your finances kids are his. It is a package deal. You really have to open your heart.
Try once a month for him. And also try 1on 1 with his dad alone. The kid could just be acting like a teenager. Let him pick a activity the weekend when he comes. Seek professional guidance also. so if the kid is lying it could be documented.
Why are you mentioning child support? It has nothing to do with this. You told him to put his foot down and it escalated! You’ve been there 2 years… you’re new and you’re calling a struggling child, a brat. You state you want to support your fiancé thru this but you need to support their relationship. Sometimes you take a back seat and support their bond and help restore it. You don’t call this boy a brat. He went from having his dad and/or parents, to now having a new child in the mix who is young and needs much more attention and a woman living with him, that he doesn’t know. You sound resentful towards a child and that’s not normal. When you say “The audacity of him”… like he chose this. He’s a child. He needs to feel loved and probably counseling to navigate this new life. Life is hard as an a full grown adult. It’s hard when you’re a child, have your life turned upside down and is trying to just control what he can. They need counseling and for you to show love and support. Stop looking at him like a brat and start looking at him as a child whose life has done a 180 and he needs a breathe.
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Honestly he’s 13 they are going through a lot of hormonal changes on top of all the family changes he’s had to deal with. But to me it sound like a typical teen. He probably wants to be home where his friends are and where things he knows. I would see if he wants to bring a friend over to help with Bordem. But I wouldn’t think into this. He’s being a typical 13 year old where hanging with parents is no longer cool. Give him options like bring a friend or take him out somewhere so he forgets where he is.
I’m not sure where you are but, where I am located at 13-14 they have a say so on which parent they want to live with and if they choose to not go to visits… they do not have to go! And btw… child support and visitation have nothing to do with one another. So, that was irrelevant. Being a girlfriend, I would support your boyfriend and do only that. I feel it would be in your better interest to stay out of it. It could get ugly real fast.
Also, he’s a teen… hormones are crazy right now. 
Maybe his dad could just meet his children somewhere like dinner or movies as a way to spend time with him (them) so they aren’t “bored” at his house and he still gets to at least spend some time with him (them.)
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I remember that phase…
I told my dad ONE TIME that I was going to call CPS when he threatened to spank me. He tore my behind up anyways and said, “go ahead.” Never brought up CPS again lol. Raising kids in this day and age is so different now…But it is just a phase. It will pass. He’s just a child who is probably angry and confused why his world as he knows it just flipped over on him. Maybe a conversation with him about what happened and why things ended up on the path they are on will calm some anxieties. As long as he’s not doing anything destructive to himself or others just ride it out.
All these moms saying, let him stay home. Ummm what??? He’s the dad and wants to see his child.
That father has rights so encourage him to spend some one on one time with his oldest and have his GF watch the other ones while he takes the time with his oldest. Maybe that’s what the oldest is needing right now and he will feel the extra needed love and attention he so desperately needs and wants from dad and things will get easier on everyone. He may even open up to dad during their one on ones!
All kids want to feel special and all parents want their time with their children.
Find a way to make it work for you the both of you.
GF, help make it work for the two of them so they can keep their relationship instead of watching it distant even more.
A few things are wrong here with your expectations. You have been with your fiance for 2 years and the divorce just got finalized in May. You are not taking into consideration the trauma any of these children have had. Kids have feelings when their family has been torn apart and It can take many years for them to cope with the trauma. Stop focusing on yours and your fiance’s feelings and focus on these kids on how they feel. When you start understanding how these kids are feeling. You will understand what the right thing to do is. And going for full custody would not be one of them.
My son would say the same thing about going to his dads. It would have nothing to do with anything else except that it was boring. So instead of getting upset with him or the situation, try and look at it from a teenagers point of view. What do you guys do when he is there? You have to remember he leaves his friends and his every day to come and visit. I know I know its his dad and his family that he is spending time with, but I’m not telling you guys to look at it like a parent. I’m just telling you to look at it like a teenager. Also, every child is different, so where the other child may be calm or less active, maybe this child has a good friend he doesn’t like leaving. I don’t know. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you all, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like your house, it doesn’t matter how much you all pay in child support. Instead of taking defense on the subject, try to talk to him, and be open about it. See if having a friend stay the night would be cool sometime. See what he would like to go do, what he thinks he’s missing out on when he comes to see you all. Look, raising kids, especially when they are teenagers is not easy and I won’t pretend it is. Its a learning process constantly. I don’t know how I didn’t see all of this before but I just seen where your fiance is trying to get full custody. Why? Is there a reason? If not, you are forcing something that just can’t be forced. How would you feel if someone tried to take full custody of your child? If this is bad talk between the parents or ill feelings, the child is going to pick up on that and feel like they have to choose. Try co parenting. Also, if the divorce was just finalized in May. That hasn’t even been 5 months since and things haven’t even settled yet and your fiance is already fighting for things he doesn’t like about the divorce agreement meaning( custody). Come on…
Sign him over too who ?
Is there a step dad involved ?
He is 13 and if I was his dad I think he needs to have a chat with his son on his own.
Find out where the kids heads at.
He may have some issues going on in regards to the relationship his parents had .
It may not be a reflection on you or you and your partners relationship.
It very well could be something to do with his parents .
If there is a step father involved u dont know what has been said to the kid by the mother and the step father either.
Time for a son and dad chat 
Good luck .
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I would not force anyone to stay at my home if they didn’t want. Mom and Dad should’ve thought about all the chaos of divorced . Let dad handle situation .
How old is the kid? If he doesn’t want to come, he shouldn’t have to. And if you go to court, the kid is a teenager and old enough to speak in court. The judge will take his feelings into consideration. He pays support because he has children. Support does not equal visitation. They are totally different courts and orders. Forcing the kid into your home is a bad idea. Especially if he’s saying things “just to be a brat”. Because he will come and see things “to just be a brat” too.
Before I get told Im bitter or some other weird shit- I have 2 kids. One here and one not. My 15 year old doesn’t want to be here so hes there. And thats okay. He was old enough to make that choice and I don’t believe in forcing kids to do things as if they are not human. They are allowed to have feelings and opinions. Does it suck? Yeah. Do I pay child support? Also yeah. Do I wish I saw the kid I pay for more. Yes. But he has the right to have feelings and make choices about his life.
Life is funny and everything works out eventually as it should.
Leave it be he is old enough to decide who he wants to live with im going threw the same with my stepdaughter
Sounds like a typical teenager. My son went through something similar with his dad. He’s 18 now. He likes to do his own thing now so his dad & him had a talk & they agreed he would only go over when he wanted to. Now he goes over like once every few months. To be fair, him & his dad have zero in common & he really just goes over to see his little brothers. You should have your fiancé & his son have a good serious talk & let it all out. What if he doesn’t want to come over cause he’s sad his parents split up? Or because maybe he’s sad that his dad is with someone other than his mom? There could be a lot of underlying reasons why he’s acting out.
Sounds like a shit ton of drama.
Maybe Dad and Mom should sit down with the Son and ask him what’s up.
In my state, at 13, you have a say where you live and visitation in the court.
I understand you want to support Dad but the Mom and Dad need to figure this one out.
Just because Dad pay child support doesn’t mean he’s entitled to see his kids. There’s way more to this story I think.
My son is 14… and going thru the same thing… doesn’t care to go do the cute kid stuff anymore…
He probably just is still processing the divorce if it was finalized in May. He might feel resentful and blame u for breaking up his parents. Not saying it is right, but 13 is a hard age. Also, the mom needs to step up and support the relationship between her kids and their dad. Therapy might help. Good luck. Step parenting is hard.
Bringing up how much child support your husband pays is completely irrelevant to whether the son feels comfortable staying at the home. Money is just another manipulation tactic used by parents during divorce that only hurts the kids.
He’s just being a teen
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Wow! The discussions raise some good points, however, it seems as though everyone kind of missed the mark here. I didnt read through all comments but I think the conversation should really be about the child…not who should or shouldn’t do what because they arent married yet. Here are my thoughts: the boy is 13 years old. This is a rough age for kids these days. He has to deal with the broken home, parents separation, new siblings, etc. all while dealing with his own issues at 13 years old. There is his own identity, school, peer pressure, friends and so on. I think a discussion with him, his dad, mom AND stepMom is warranted here regardless of who is blood related or not. We all know that blood does not always mean family. This is a transition in this childs life and everyone who plays a part in his every day life has a role. All of the adults here should be involved in this decision as well as the boy. Sit him down to find out what is going on with him. Why is he unhappy? Is it bc he wants more time with his friends? Imagine what it is like for him, shuffling between 2 homes while his friends are hanging out with each other. Could it be that he IS actually bored as the oldest and there isnt much to do for someone his age? Find out what he likes to do and what HIS ideal situation would look like. It could be as simple as having him join a sport or participate in something where he does have contact with his friends. My son plays computer games with his friends. They all meet up in the game and go on quests together. I dont think this is about discipline at all. I think this is about meeting this kid half way and providing support to him in what is already a difficult time in every persons life as they transition from adolescence to young teen. My apologies for the long post. Im a pediatric nurse and feel strongly that this is not an easy stage of growth and development for kids.