Stuck in a rut of yelling and overreacting

I have a 5 year old. I’m stuck in a rut of yelling and overreacting. I know I am. I had covid in August and was hospitalized so I was gone for a month. At first I dealt with her clinginess and bad behavior because I knew she had missed me. But her behavior is awful.
Every single day her teacher sends home notes. She goes to half day school and tells her teacher no, runs around, etc. She refuses to obey adults. Not just her teacher. I’m so tired of hearing how bad she is. She doesn’t have friends because she’s mean, bossy, and can’t keep her hands to herself.
It bleeds over at home. I resent her before she’s even in the car because I’m embarrassed of her behavior. Then it sets us up for a crappy rest of the day. And she keeps on with me at home or running errands.
She hasn’t been evaluated psychologically. She has always been very willful and independent but obedient. I don’t know how to turn this around. I sit around and imagine just leaving her with my husband and going to live alone. I hate everything about being a mom right now.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Stuck in a rut of yelling and overreacting

You got sick and hospitalized for awhile part of why she’s been acting out but it shouldn’t continued. So if I was you have her checked by regular doctor. Bc now she’s acting out badly that means something isn’t right…try not yelling bc it does no good at all.


Sounds like a good old fashion spanking is called for.


Bring her to the Caribbean she will see what a good old spanking is like,we don’t play those games here


If u can’t stop Ur not setting a good example are u

Yeah don’t listen to ppl telling you to hit your 5 yr old. That solves absolutely nothing. There is always a root cause to these issues. Maybe you being hospitalized for a month was traumatic for her. She’s 5 years old she doesn’t know how to deal w/ her feelings around you being in the hospital for a month. I suggest you seek therapy for your daughter.


She might be doing it for attention, maybe. She didn’t have your attention for a month and probably didn’t understand why. Whether it’s negative attention or good attention, to a kid any form is good. Probably why she acts up in school too because she knows she’ll get sent home and therefore she gets to be with you. Going from having you around everyday to suddenly gone for a month had to be a change. No, it shouldn’t continue and needs to be addressed. Some sort of therapy maybe. I don’t think spanking will do anything for this situation so idk why people’s first suggestion is that before any type of therapy to see the underlying issue.


Sounds like you both need someone to talk to. Family therapy perhaps?


Parenting With Love and Logic is a great place to start. Remember whatever you do at this point is going to take a while to change. Having a teacher that is willing to work with her instead of just sending home notes would help, turn it back on her, ask her what her ideas are.

1 Like

Hi I had similar issues with my 6 year old different reason why it started. She missed you and is afraid you will be gone again. Print feeling page and every night ask her how she feels at home and school. It will give you time to bond with her and she will learn it is OK to talk about feelings and you will learn about her.
Explain feelings if she don’t understand.
It worked for as and he lives his time with me every night. I found out he is very sensitive and I am more tuned to his emotions.
His behavior improved and he made friends in school.
Hope it helps if you have any other questions message me.


Maybe something happened to her while you were gone :cry:


This is a great book that may help!


You’re the parent. Be one. You’re not her friend. You’re not anything else BUT HER PARENT. Start acting like one. Discipline & be firm about it.


Well something had to happen for her to act that way… children aren’t born bad. And I hope your not calling her bad to her face. Children can pick up on the way your acting. She’s a child maybe some positive behavior from you might help. I had 5 kids and have never said I’d leave them with their father and live alone… maybe your parenting skills are the problem


I hardly ever comment but I felt I had too
Try taking stuff away like toys deserts ECT time outs
Positive reinforcement if you let her behavior bother you act like it dosent bother you because if you react to bad behavior she will do it more
When she dose behavior reward her
Say if you behave at school and I don’t get any notes from the teacher
She will get - a surprise
Set boundaries so she knows what she can / can’t get away with
Good luck I hope my advice helps


Damn, how is that even fair to her? Like, you resent her before she even gets in the car or comes home. That’s gotta be rough on her, kids pick up on energy so I’m sure she can tell that you dont want her around and then that probably makes her act out.

The reason why kids even do this in the first place is because they’re lacking something. Attention, boundaries, discipline, etc. In this case, it’s probably all 3. You should work on gentile parenting. My son was the same way, until we stopped getting overwhelmed and started asking him WHY. Why is he acting that way, what does he need from us to help? Most of the time, it was love and attention even though we already have him love and attention. Stop yelling at her, first of all. Start giving more attention. Start talking with her. Include her more, in whatever you’re doing, dinner, cleaning, etc. Stay consistent with the verbal no’s and a strict discipline with a timeout chair for x amount of minutes every single time she does something out of line, and sometimes, they literally dont know how to act. They go off of our actions, so teach her the right things to say and do instead of just yelling at her about what she’s doing wrong. Teach her the right way to speak. Like, “no, we don’t say I hate you, we say I love you or I like you, or say you may not like what we’re doing but you can’t say hate.” You get the point.

Man this sounds like me lately. You need to take a few days to your self to rest heal and regroup. Get her into therapy… and a IEP or 504 plan at school.

1 Like

Firstly I would sit down and just talk to her, don’t be accusatory or start off aggressive just say something like “hey can we talk? I noticed you’ve been acting out a lot lately and honestly, it makes me feel bad and I know it probably makes you feel bad too, is there anything you want to talk to me about?” And then let her talk, if she says no then continue on with “well mommy loves you but your behavior has not been the best and we need to work together to try to fix this, is there a reason why you’ve been doing xyz?” And if she says she doesn’t know then just continue with “okay well, that’s something we need to figure out but in the meantime we are going to start some new rules and consequences for certain actions I want to see change” then list off those rules and consequences. I would even go as far as making a sign with rules and consequences so it’s a reminder. Stick with the discipline you choose. At our home we do take away items and time out. My 6 year old is very independent, sassy, and smart and while she is never bad in school and super social, she is very mischievous at home so I have to be on her a lot. Talking to your child should be your first step, there’s something going on with her and you’ll never solve the problem if you can’t pinpoint what it is. Another thing is (I know it’s extremely hard) you have to learn to retrain your brain to not expect disappointment or resenting feelings. Kids pick up on our energy before we even realize we have it, and she can probably feel your bad mood before she even gets to the car. Try pointing out the good things she did immediately when she gets in the car and on the way home. Home is the place for discipline and structure, sit down with her daily and discuss her behavior with her, reinforce the good behavior you liked and then move to things you didn’t, explain what it makes you feel and why, and give her time to talk about what happened and why it happened. I hope this helps!


First of all have her checked over and assessed by her GP and look into finding a therapist. Your doctor will know how to assist you to access the help you need.


She needs consistency and routine and lots of joyful movement. Talk to her about what you see her struggling with, tell her what your expectations are and inform her that the whole family and all her teachers are interested in helping her meet the expectations.

Catch her being good and making good choices and reward her. Give her a goal to reach with something special like getting a pedicure with mom, new fairy lights in her room, a pack of construction paper. She needs to go hiking, play at a playground, go to a climbing gym or a trampoline park.

Lay in her bed at night and read her books about big feelings, being brave, making good choices, being a good friend. Praise her for the good stuff and acknowledge the bad stuff and ask her if she needs time to think about it before talking about it.

Teaching her box breathing to calm herself or getting her into gymnastics or yoga classes may help.


I completely identify with this. I feel awful but most days I just want to give up. Hope things getting better momma :heart:

Sounds like you’re really burnt out and need a break and there’s nothing wrong with that.
See if you can find someone to babysit or do something with your kid at least once a week so you can get out and do things for yourself.
Also constantly remind yourself to speak calmly when you’re having to correct her. It’s really hard but gets easier with practice I promise. Modeling good CALM behavior is the first step.

1 Like

Get some counseling for you privately to deal with resentment and as a family to figure out coping strategies and a discipline method that works for her and you . Explaining her behavior by Saying you had covid for a month and was hospitalized doesn’t make sense when you’ve been there the other 4 years and some odd months .

1 Like

Sounds Like My Daughter A Year Ago. It’ll Get Better. Spend More One On One Time With Her. Also If She Knows That Everyone Around Her Sees Her As A “Bad Kid” She Will Likely Want To Own Up To That Label. It’s Frustrating But With My Daughter It Took Me Talking To Her Like A Grown Up.

1 Like

Honestly what one of the other mums said… Praise the good! Ignore (well don’t give so much attention to the bad…) maybe start a sticker behavior chart? Rewards etc doesn’t have to be big… Kids love bubbles and the park, alone time with mum… My middle daughter plays up alot but since not focusing on the bad as much she’s been so much better. They play up cause they get all the attention that way doesn’t matter to them if it’s good or bad attention… All eyes are on them!!

1 Like

A few causes do come to mind and the first being that there’s a thing called Adjustment disorder with conduct disturbance. It’s caused by big chances…you being gone for a month is definitely a big change.
I imagine it created a lot of feelings that a young child just doesn’t know how to express.
That said, parenting is all about balance. Balance between being empathetic and being firm.

If it was me (and it has been) here’s a few things to try:
Smile when she gets in the car…Act happy to see her and try to find positives about her day to focus on. “What made you happy today?”
Yes, you’ll have to discuss misbehaviors too. But don’t make that the first thing.

One thing we’ve consistently done with ours is …
*Good behavior=positive consequences.
Neutral behavior=natural consequences
Bad behavior = negative consequences.
Put as much emphasis as you can on the positive. Have her earn rewards and privileges through good behavior.
If her behavior isn’t good she doesn’t get them. The result is essentially the same, but the phrasing makes a WORLD of difference.

*Ask her questions and make her think when she acts up. What did she do wrong? Why was it wrong? What can she do differently?
By taking that approach you’re telling her it’s ok (for example) to be angry but it’s not ok to hit.

*stay calm and in control (count. Take a breath. Make sure you’re responding rather than reacting) and don’t make idle threats. So only threaten consequences you’re :100: willing to follow through on.
Don’t tell her you’ll ground her for a week I’d she yells at you. Then keep giving her chances because you don’t really want to ground her.
*Have conversations with her. Just about everything and make sure you listen to what she’s telling you.
Kids are weird. They get ideas stuck in their head that maybe aren’t quite right and it affects their behavior.
Once you figure it out, then you can address it.


A month?? Might as well be a year to a 5 year old. Probably scared you were never coming home. You don’t think that effed with her head? Sit down and talk to her about how she’s feeling what’s going through her head. Then talk about her behavior and work on it with her.


Children act out their aggressions, trauma, ect.You were gone for a month. Who cared for her while you were gone? Maybe that has something to do with it?


Well you need to change your attitude towards her,maybe your negative feelings has an impact on her. This child is acting out for a reason and it’s your responsibility as a parent to get to the bottom of this smdh


I would definitely look into a therapist, maybe that month apart, gave a little bit of trauma. Especially if you were super close beforehand. While she rejoiced you were home, the high of your arrival wore off.
I would definitely talk with her too, ask her whats wrong. Reinforce rules. Discuss them, and be clear that there will be consequences for bad behaviors. But that there will be rewards for good ones.
Good luck mama.

A month without her mom is a LONG TIME. She is a child and you both had a long period where your lives had to change. You have to be patient. Spend time with her. It’s hard believe me. I have a two year old and her terrible twos are AWFUL. I’m a single mom of three and this terrible two is the worst I’ve had to experience. Some days I can’t wait for her to go to bed because she is absolutely terrible but my love for her is so much more. I always apologize to her if I yelled that day at her more then normal even when she does t understand. Because I know she is struggling that day as well. Being a mother is hard work. It can be depressing and downright unfair but you have to get back to normal with her.

1 Like

This could be a reaction to a combination of things in her environment, but along with behavioral therapist, etc, I’d take a hard look at her diet…cut out junk food, especially sugar and food coloring…I give my 5 yr old son a adult dose of Nordic Naturals omegas, (he can swallow their liquid gels though), magnesium, and a high quality immune support vitamin as well as a pre/pro/postbiotic…this combination seems to have helped his anger issues tremendously, especially the omegas! I will NOT go without those for him…so sorry this is getting you down mama, I know it can be so draining. Hang in there! :hugs:

I have the same feelings in the days my daughter want to have attitude and smart mouth which is a lot of time now she is 11 going on 16. Just breath it doesn’t make u a bad mom I have tried talking to her and doing things just us and it doesn’t help I just pray she out grows this stage fast before I really lose my mind

Sounds like a replica of you lol

Who ever cared for her 4 a month may have caused the problem

Get her some help asap. Or you’ll be sorry when she’s a terrible teen. I know I’ve been there

Lolol not gonna lie I can relate! PM me if you want to talk. I’ll tell you what made a world of difference for us with my now 7yo. These moms here are judgey, so won’t bother saying more :wave:

Sounds like a “spirited child” & they are challenging. Plus your whole family has been thru some challenging times. Google parenting a spirited child, there are good books & resources. At the very least find one thing everyday that you can give her praise for. You need to reconnect with her​:pray::heartpulse:

She’s trying to get your attention. Google Trust vs. mistrust… She doesn’t understand illness. All she knows is mommy was there and then she wasn’t.

You say “she hasnt been evaluated psychologically” but lets do you real quick,— verbal abuse, resentment, contemplating abandonment, and you “hate everything about being a mom right now”, you want “turn it around” well lets start and end with you, your a mom and that is the worlds most powerful position, start acting like one

Look into mindful parenting and watch Jady a behavioural videos

So hear me out im dealing with the same issue only thing is that I didn’t have covid I had a heart attack an had open heart surgery on may 8th to be exact I went into a como next day for 4 days my 13 yr old or 5 yr old were not aloud to visit me at all I woke up 4 days later an was in an out the hospital til August I was in the hospital 3 weeks come home go back in for 5 months everytime I came home my kids were same way clingy shit they still won’t leave my room both sleeping in my room my oldest acts out every so often an pick on my little one they both fight for my attention an I’ve taken them to see a doctor she is acting out because it affevted her mental take it one day at a time talk to her about her actions mine now know if they act like that it puts stress on my heart an I can go right back to the hospital if I get sick tell her that if she keeps acting like this in school an at home 1 she will be punished 2 you will end up sick again even tho it was covid an not a heart problems this helps 3 if you don’t feel good or upset how can you take care of her an her health it took a couple talks with mine even thought I Been home almost 3 months now they still have there days but I remind them of what can happen