I’m in a newer relationship. We’ve been keeping things pretty discreet around the kids. Recently, he has shown affection towards me in front of my kids (hand-holding, sitting close). But when we are around his kids, he makes sure to move away from me and not show any affection. Is this weird? I don’t like that he feels it’s ok to do around my kids, but not his kids. Advice, please… I haven’t dated someone with kids in a really long time.
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Does it bother you when he does it in front of your kids?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. The guy I am dating doesn't show me affection in front of his kids: Advice?
He may just not be comfortable with it yet, with his kids. Give it time.
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Oh shoot. I went through this. First, it’ll get better. I finally figured out he’s letting you set the pace with your kids and him with his. Maybe he assumed you know your kids well enough to know how they’d react to it.
Also age can make a difference. His are a bit older, mine are younger.
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Maybe he has a crazy baby momma that he doesn’t want to start trouble.
Maybe he wants to have a conversation with his kids about how they feel about you before he proceeds. Just let him go at a pace that he feels comfortable with.
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Or he’s still with there mother 
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I think he is leaving the option up to you to move away from him when he’s around your kids, too. If you go for affection around your kids and don’t shy away from him he must think you’re comfortable showing affection. But if he’s not around his kids he’s letting you know he isn’t ready to let them know yet. I don’t think it’s rude, I think it’s smart to make sure you guys are serious before letting the kids in on it. Think of the people you know who have new partners constantly and how confusing that is for their children. He’s just taking it slow.
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Give him time, everyone involved needs time to adjust. You’re overthinking.
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Red flag 
I’d run. If he has no problem subjecting your kids to displays of affection but is reserved around his own kids he doesn’t respect you now and he really won’t later down the road.
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It would be all or nothing for me. What’s good around yours should be good around his.
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How you two show affection should be the same in front of his children and yours. Discuss it with him privately to reach a mutual agreement and enforce it. Right now he’s showing you different boundaries are okay for him and his than yours, and I’d be paying real close attention. Good luck.
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Have you asked him about his custody arrangement and stipulations?
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There’s a lot of depends factors.
How old are your kids? How old are his?
Is there drama with the kids mom that isn’t there with your children’s dad?
What’s the family plan for his kids look like?
Age differences are a huge factor. A for example 1 year old isn’t gonna even notice that you guys are holding hands where a 6 year old probably will.
Drama is a huge thing. Young kids don’t have filters …maybe he’s not ready for his kids to “out” his relationship to thier mother yet?
Some family plans can allow for stipulations like not introducing significant others for certain amounts of time. The loophole is that if he’s introducing you as a friend and treating you as just a friend around them he’s technically not violating the family plan.
There’s a lot that can go into this. Your best option is to just talk to him. Not be accusatory or anything just a simple hey I was kinda curious type of conversation.
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It’s a new relationship. I’ve been seeing a guy for almost 6 months and he hasn’t met my kids yet.
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Talk to him. Seriously, that is the best approach. Be calm and honest about how you feel. He probably doesn’t even realize he does it. He may have more anxiety around his kids and feels more relaxed and comfortable around yours.
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Have you talked to him about it…?
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WOW you put this out there for the world instead of a private convo with him !?? your a catch
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How long have you been dating? If it’s less than 4 months I think he is simply being responsible. Me and my current husband dated 4 months before o even meant his kids. It’s for the kids showing them respect. I wouldn’t worry to much about as long as he is respectful towards you and all the kids and trying to build a relationship with them. My husband is extremely conservative around his kids and less so mine. He feels a more instinctual need to protect his kids. Where you are the one deciding how much affection is shown in front of your kids now that he is comfortable. If anything simply bring up how you notice that he is showing more affection in front of your kids and see if he is ready for affection to be shown in front of his. If he isn’t respect that. That will show him that you respect his parenting and that you understand his kids come first. Because they should!
His ex might be very controlling and maybe he isn’t ready for them to tell her about you - not because he’s ashamed of you, but because he doesn’t want to scare you away with her drama too soon.
On the other hand, he might be a hypocrite. Just wait and find out.
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Genuine question but how many relationships have you been in while being a mother? If he isn’t the first new relationship and he knows this maybe he playing off of you being comfortable with affection up front of your kids, maybe he’s never been affectionate up front of his kids or maybe he’s trying to ease them into it. When he introduced you to them, what did he refer to you as? I think you should just appreciate the fact that he even has you around his kids, thats a big step.
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He’s lying to you, he’s in a relationship and doesn’t want the kids to know about it 
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From my experience, he’s probably talking to their mother. I had this happen to me. He’s not going to show affection infront of them because they’ll tell the mother. I was with him for months before I figured it out. He didn’t hold hands, kiss or anything in front of them, but obviously did without. Not only that but he wouldnt have me in any pictures or my son, only his kids and him on snapchat or facebook. Turns out she was on both. So hopefully this is not the case, but usually this kind of behaviour is due to something needing to be hidden. And if he is talking to her… Leave him. Don’t allow yourself to worry about this situaiton for the rest of your life, go be happy with someone who wouldnt do that. Dont take him back! Dont forgive and forget because he’ll forget but you won’t. But I hope its not that
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Personally if it was that fresh of a relationship he wouldn’t be around my kid at all…
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If you are comfortable with it being shown around your kids then that’s fine. If he’s not comfortable around his kids, then that’s fine too. It’s a newer relationship, things take time. Especially when there are kids involved. Move at his pace around his kids. It’s respectful. Don’t read into it so much. Or hey, talk to him about it?
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How old are the children? I think that may impact what behaviours he may deem appropriate.
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What is done around your kids is up to you, what is done around his kids is his call.
If you don’t want him touching you in front of your kids tell him that.
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I Put up with same thing. For my child I wish I hadn’t.
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Maybe his divorce was messy etc with the kids mom so he’s doing it to protect his children’s feelings.
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simply talk to him about it. ask him what his kids think of you, ask him how he feels. Tell him how you feel!
Communication is 
in a healthy relationship.
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I’ve been with a guy for 7 months and I don’t show affection when my kid is present. I don’t think it’s appropriate to show PDA with a new relationship like that. Now when we’ve been together a year is prob when I’ll show affection in front of her.
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Well I would say if only in front of your kids should not happen at all
I would say be delicate . Your kids are around more and feel comfortable. Those being his kids who he does not see often he does not want make them feel uncomfortable. Be respectful it will come in time
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We’ve been together almost 7 years it still happens. Its nothing to worry about
Maybe his still screwing his baby momma
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You are the one allowing what happens in front of your kids, and he allows or doesn’t allow things in front of his kids. If you’re not comfortable showing affection in front of your kids tell him so. You make the rules when it comes to your kids. Don’t assume things, don’t read in to things, just talk to him about how you feel, and whats on your mind.
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Been there, done that. In my case though, the guy still wasn’t over his ex wife. We could kiss and hug in front of my son, but in front of his daughters he was awkward. Then said he couldn’t love me. So… There is never a perfect answer, but you shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells because you are being an adult about a situation you are trying to be prepared for.
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I wasn’t overly affectionate with my man in front of my son when we first got together either…my son was younger at the time but he’d only known me as a single mom at that point…he wasn’t used to seeing me be with anyone, it was a very gradual thing so it wasn’t an overt shock to him
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Communicate. If you arent comfortable with it around your kids speak up. Hes clearly not okay with it around his kids. Maybe he is thinking like what I just said and is thinking that since you havent put a stop to it that Youre comfortable with it around your kids. Everyone parents differently though
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Does no one know how to communicate in relationships anymore. I’m only 20 and to me even communication is key. If you are bothered by something or have a problem, talk it out!
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Ask him ! Maybe the kids aren’t ready ? Maybe he’s not ready ? There could be a million reasons… so ask him .
Use I statements , communicate how u feel, your concerns.
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It should be consistent. It’s up to you to set the bar.
You’re complaint is he’s being a better parent than you?
YOU are in control of what happens around YOUR children and HE is in control of what happens around HIS
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You said it’s a new relationship and ultimately they’re his kids not yours.
Try communicating with him.
It’s fine that something is okay for your kids but not his and vice versus. They’ve been raised different and chances are you’ll have different boundaries.
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Idk if it’s a culture thing but I’ve noticed on this page and groups similar so many people cry “red flag” without much info.
Like damn ladies. Who hurt you
Talk to him. If you’re not there yet that’s fine but then don’t be affectionate infront of your children
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. The guy I am dating doesn't show me affection in front of his kids: Advice?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. The guy I am dating doesn't show me affection in front of his kids: Advice?
I agree with a lot of others, could be anticipating a reaction from bio mom, he hasn’t told the kids enough yet, or he’s nervous. I’d just talk to him about it 
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Ask him why does he feel so comfortable only showing you affection around your children but not his.
Does he speak of having a HCBM? If so that could be the issue. However he should communicate his boundaries so that you aren’t left in the dark or hanging.
It’s one thing to move slow but it’s another thing to not communicate that to the person that you’re in a relationship with.
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Man fuck this page and every one that comes along with it. I’m out. Y’all childish as fuck and wonder why your kids aren’t mentally ok. Grow the fuck up. Period end of story.
Half of y’all have prolly never even come close to this shit and put your kids mental welfare on the line for your own selfish needs. Grow tf up.
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Give it time. He’s making sure his kids don’t feel awkward. Kudos for putting kids first
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I think of a few situations as to why he’s not that way in front of his kids. My mom wasn’t affectionate with my stepdad in front of me for a while.
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Im still with my kids bio dad but we don’t show tons of affection around our 2 year old other than hugging or sitting close because she always acts jealous and wants the loving time for herself lol she’ll literally pull us apart if we’re hugging/sitting close and get right in the middle or get hugs for herself 
. So maybe he just doesn’t want his kids to be jealous or feeling like he’s giving all his attention to someone else. I’ve baby sat for lots of new couples and the ones that have older kids will talk to me about how they get upset that their parent is showing attention to their new partner cause they want all their time and attention for themselves especially when it’s a parent that only gets the kids on the weekends.
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It’s totally OK for you to be comfortable with pda in front of your kids and him not be in front of his. You of course also have the right to feel weird about it and not particularly like it. Has he had other gfs before you? Or have the kids only seen him with mom?
Could also be a red flag so tricky
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I can think of a couple of reasons that he would do this. The one that concerns me is, he doesn’t want his kids to get attached. As in he’s unsure about the relationship.
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I wouldn’t be concerned about it. If this ends up being long term you both are going to have to respect the boundaries you have for each others children. From what behaviors you both allow to desipline to even the interactions between your ex’s. He and his ex may have discussed interactions with the oposite sex and they agreed to be more conservative with it.
Could be a lot of reasons. One of his kids could have reacted badly to the break up or previous dates. Could be his ex. Could be subconscious.
Are you OK with the pda in front of your kids? That’s the only thing that matters. If you and your kids are comfortable and so is he then great.
But talk to him and tell him u have noticed and that it’s OK but you’d eventually like to be able to show affection around them and have a discussion about boundaries where the kids are involved.
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Maybe he wants to take it slowly because the kids arent used to dad being with someone else yet? Talk to him about it I’m sure he just feels its what’s best for them.
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Sounds fishy. I’d ask him and pay close attention to his body language when he responds. If it’s just going slow for the sake of the kids or something then why is he different in front of his kids than in front of his own? Sounds like he’s either still got a thing going with mommy or he’s kind of a wuss about people’s opinions on your relationship. I’ve been in this situation and he was absolutely still sleeping with their mother. Not saying for sure that’s what this is but you need to have a talk. Not making out or getting pg-13/R/X in front of ANY of the kids is one thing but not even holding hands or sitting close and only in front of his own kids? That’s suspish.
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What he allows around his children and what she allows around her children do not have to coincide at a early stage.
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I think he’s just thinking of rushing his kids into something they might not be very comfortable with… talk to him
Maybe his baby mama is crazy and he’s worried how she might react if the kids say something. Maybe he’s just not ready for his kids to see that especially if him and his ex are recently split
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Well, did you give the all clear to show affection in front of your kids?
Everyone has different lengths of time before they’re comfortable with this. Some people wouldn’t even introduce their new boyfriend/girlfriend until a year of dating. Some people are fine after 3 months.
So, if you’re fine with showing affection in front of YOUR kids, he’s probably just following your cue, but maybe he’s not comfortable with it happening in front of HIS kids yet.
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It’s not so weird. Me and mine have been together for 2 years and he still doesn’t. They know we are together but our children never see PDA
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Just ask him why he does it in front of yours but not his. I would. Communication is always key.
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Talk to him, if it’s because he’s being sensitive about their feelings thane that’s a good thing. Communication is key in all relationships, encourage it in all aspects so confusion doesn’t keep reoccurring x
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Maybe he doesn’t feel comfortable showing you affection in front of his kids just yet?
These things take time and he obviously doesn’t want to make things awkward for them or give his ex a reason to be upset at him.
Maybe talk to him about how you both feel about this?
Instead of posting to ask us talk to him. It’s y’all relationship. You’re grown and so is he. Communicate what you’re comfortable with and set boundaries
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You dont know if hes banned from it from his divorce. I think the easiest thing is talk to him about whats going on. But, definately feel he is easing them into this. So respect that and let him set a good example.
Baby steps. I don’t think there is anything wrong with what he is doing. At least you are around his kids. You don’t have anything to prove by him being affectionate in front of his kids. It’s something he needs to work through. He may have some guilt about his marriage. He may be more comfortable in front of your kids, which is great. Don’t rush anything.
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My husband and I just started showing affection to each other in front on my step son and we’ve been together 6 years. At first it was on purpose cuz we didn’t want things getting blown out of proportion with his ex. Now he seems us show affection and he’s just like eh whatever. Our 5 year old on the other hand gags and tells us we’re nasty lol
It may be a way of him to get his kids comfortable around another woman if the only mother figure has only been their mom!! I had this happen when I was younger and I found out it was because he was still involved with the mother and I was told differently but the kids were 1 and 2 so they really didn’t know I was his girlfriend!! But now that I’m older and ended up into another relationship with step kids I watched for signs…like have you ever met their mom! that’s 1st for me so I know that he’s really not in a relationship with her for sure! Ask her if she’s the one who’s bothered by it and what does she feel about yall being a couple in front of her kids and if she feels disrespected by anything…I feel as if he can do it in front of your kids but not his…did their mom say something and he’s just trying to respect her wishes and so on…I’d sit down and talk with him as well and then maybe you’ll get an understanding or realize it’s something else.
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Sounds like his kids aren’t ready maybe to see dad show affection to another woman other than their mom… have a conversation with him about it.
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Maybe he is just following your lead with your kids.
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Read your first sentence again: “I’m in a newer relationship.” It’s self explanatory.
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I’d definitely find that odd if is was me but it depends on how long y’all been together Ik it says newer relationship . So if it’s like real new . Than definitely should be taking things slow with the kids. There shouldn’t be affection around your kids either . Should go both ways . You need to communicate with him and find out where each other is at . And definitely shouldn’t be rushing with any of the kids . Most people wait awhile before bringing there kids around . But only way your gonna know anything talk to him
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I was with my ex husband for almost 20 years and he never kissed me, hugged me or anything in front of his children. 
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Here’s a novel idea: Ask him and have a honest conversation about your needs/worries and come to understand each other on a deeper level.
Why do ppl make a post on social media instead of talking to their person? He knows what his kids can maybe handle… And he has boundaries around his
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That is weird and seed flag feels like he is being decorative just watch out
I suposse is normal, taking time to get his children adapted to their new dad’s relationship.
Is he still sleeping with mom. Sounds crazy but I been there. And they def weren’t 100% over. I was unknowingly the make her jealous girl
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You could be his mistress
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Mommy could be grilling those kids for information!
Things are done because of parents being too noisy
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Nah I’d ask about it. What makes it okay to show your kids but not his own?
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Just talk to him to gage an understanding as to why… Communication is key for any relationship to thrive
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Maybe he has a crazy ex
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He’s still seeing his kids mother
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You didn’t set those boundaries but he did. There is a difference. I was that same parent when I started dating years ago. I never showed affection in front of my babies to someone else (they were lucky to meet my kids) but regardless you don’t want to teach your kids to kiss everyone you date. Have standards and have respect.
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Hes probably just respecting his kids
I feel a lot of these questions could be resolved if they’d just communicate with their partner. Not saying all, but a lot.
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Not weird. Probably trying to have the kids getting used to you being around before showing any affection infront of them. I’d do the same if I was out of a relationship, and eventually getting into a new one. It’s a big thing for parents and kids. It’s okay.
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Respect his decision. The relationship is new and he is approaching it how he feels best for his kids. If you can’t respect that then you need to move on.
Nah. He feels comfortable enough to show affection around yours, but not his? That’s sketchy to the fullest. He knows what he’s doing. Period 
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Depends on how long youve been together. Since you said its fairly new id be patient.
He doesn’t want them telling their mother.
I don’t do it either and it’s the kids own father. I don’t show affection in front of any family tbh. It’s very cringe to me.
Get rid of him don’t waste your time