I have been with this guy for two going on three years now (we never dated due to religious differences ), but we were intimate and did everything as a couple, but we just were not dating. So fast forward two years later, we have a daughter now, and I have a daughter from a previous relationship. So the part where I need advice is since the day I gave birth, this man has constantly been fighting me, telling me that he wants to go to court to get full custody of his daughter. Now he has made these remarks ever since Iâve been pregnant keep in mind he did not want the baby in any way and told me off in the worst possible way, swore at me shouted at me, threw us out, and accused me of wanting to be with him. So because of this, I lied to him, and I told him he could not be on her birth certificate because I wonât be able to receive a social grant if his name is there, and Iâll fix it later once I get a grant for her. But the reason for this was to kind of safeguard myself for when he does try and take her away from me. I still donât get any social grants. I am the sole provider for both my kids. I pay his mother for keeping my daughter, and I pay my oldest daughterâs daycare and then her grandmother (from her fatherâs side ) to keep her too. Everything financially comes from me. So now, his mother has been making me feel like I am the worst possible mom. She is constantly shouting at me to bath my daughters when we are there or to dry her or pierce their ears when Iâve clearly stated that I donât want to pierce. And I know my responsibilities as a mother. When my daughter was born she would tell me how much to feed her and that I am overfeeding her because she has five kids, I of cos felt different my baby was 2.6 and dropped to 2.4, and I literally went into panic mode, and I would feed her whenever she signaled she would like some boob. And I would feed every two hours as per the instructions of the doctor. And to her, this was wrong. So just yesterday I had this breakdown, and I told her father look you said you want a paternity test, so go have Ur paternity test done and stay away until youâve done so because he said I should sorry out my issues with his mother myself because itâs our issues. My baby is only five months old, but I cannot handle her nagging anymore, and I feel like I have no support from him. I told him he could have his daughter full time if he can prove that I am an unfit mother or just leave us alone. Was I wrong in doing this? And can he take her away from me Please provide some advice on the way forward Because I really am at my witâs end
Without his name on there he canât do
Anything
- Stop letting the grandmother babysit, if ur paying her then pay a daycare. 2. He can get visitations with the child after he proves paternity.
You guys werenât dating because of religious differences but you were having sex? 
No. He canât just get full custody when he has no proof youâre a negligent mother, and youâve been the one fully providing. I would try and get your daughter another babysitting situation and away from his mom. Thatâs extremely toxic in itself. Also, talk to a lawyer and just prepare yourself. Keep every receipt for expenses that are due to your childâs needs, and all conversations youâve had with him. Good luck.
Not trying to be a asshole. But you really should be using protection if you arenât in a relationship. If you guys werenât in a relationship then he probably slept with other people. You just shouldnât take that chance. That said your child will now suffer 
bc it probably wonât get better.
You told him he could have your daughter if he can prove you an unfit mother⌠do not ever have a conversation when youâre that upset because watch him do whatever it takes to prove you unfit
Start keeping records and recordings, everything he does you and all that he says. Get a lawyer and fight for your child.
This whole situation sounds very strange and I feel like we are missing something here but stop letting his mother babysit and stop bringing her over there. Let him take you to court if he wants a paternity test.
Stop letting his mother watch the baby. She is a pipeline to him and a pest to you.
Since there are no custody or support orders on file with the court, you can change your phone number, limit contact and even move out of state without notifying him at all.
I would suggest seeing a family law specialist in your area.
I cant give you advice, but i can give advice to young girls who may read this: dont make kids with random people, because you want to be a mom. Think twice before you may considered someone to be your future kids dad, dont rush.
- He can get visitations or 50/50 custody if he takes a DNA test.
- He wonât be able to get full custody unless he can prove you are an unfit mother.
- Stop letting heâs mum babysit your child if she constantly questions your parenting and doesnât respect that you know how to raise your child.
Wow. You are one lying conniving person. I feel sorry for your kids⌠yes he can take her away from you. You lied and if he can prove that he can prove that you do not have your childs best interest at heart and he could be granted custody. 
Get it togetherâŚ
This makes zero sense to međ Iâm sorry, but what a mess!
Lol you wont date but will have a kid with them :0
âDid everything as a couple and were intimate just not datingâŚâ okay dennnn
1stly rather get a full time nanny, that way they have limited access to the kids and canât do anything to the kids that would make you seem like an unfit mother.
2. Planned and supervised visits work perfectly if heâs not even contributing to the upkeep of the baby.
3. You a good mom.
This whole situation sounds strange to me. So you werenât together because of religious reasons but yet you had sex and had a baby. And 2 you said said since the baby was born he wanted full custody but then you said he wanted nothing to do with the baby which is it cause your story isnât adding up? Not trying to he rude here but this makes no sense
Lmfao you wonât date him but youâll sleep with him and have a kid with him 
You need to put your daughter in daycare and get out of this toxic whatever you have going on here! Unless you are a junkie or homeless him getting full custody is highly unlikely. Avoid the drama let him take whatever steps he feels neccesary and go about your buisness raising your children in the right way. Not to be rude but stop feeding into the drama itâs not helping anyone and it will make you crazy if you let it
Stop letting his mom watch her. Ask your other daughters grandma of maybe she can watch her too or pay for daycare or figure something else outâŚbut take her away from that. Let him take you to court or whatever, and go from there. Keep record.of any nasty messages they send you and anything wrong they do any threats they make and let him take you to court. But you need cut ties with his.mom as of right now for sure. For some reason they think they have control of say so and they donât. You need to show them that. Take back.control
I would run as fast as u can
Sounds like wants attention. Hire someone to take care of your children at home and limit visitation. If he wants custody, let him fight for it. Something tells me heâs all bark and no bite. Find your peace.
Get your shit together ffs
Youâre meant to be a parent.
You were together, stop bullshitting everyone, no one believes you so just stop.
FIRST, âreligious differencesâ kept you two from dating, but not having sex? Oooookay!
Second, if your concerned with him mom, STOP SENDING YOUR INFANT TO HER HOUSE!
Third, chill the hell out.
- Your amitting you lied to him⌠this can go against you in court⌠never lie as the truth always come out⌠2. You need to get legal advice not FB adviceâŚ
Get a different person to watch her instead.of his mom first off
OkâŚfirst thing first. Stop fucking around with his mom and get REAL daycare. Obviously yâall donât get along. So stop messing with her every damn day and have some peace. Thatâs just stirring up drama, that you seem reaaaaallllly good at putting yourself right in the middle of. STOP.
Second of all custody should be 50/50 UNLESS one parent is unfit. Best for any kid is 50/50. He obviously doesnât like you, and vice versa. BUT- that doesnât make him unfit. I see a whole lot of âshe saidâ and âhe saidâ crap on here and I got news for youâŚyou are going to have a rude awakening in court by a judge. The courts donât care if he likes you, or if you like him, or if yâall approve of each otherâs actions. The courts do care though if you are stirring up shit and causing drama. They wonât put up with it AND you risk losing your kid if you canât get it under control. So STOP.
50/50. Prepare yourself for it because it will happen. As it should because your kid deserves a dad.
He can get and is entitled to 50/50 shared time with your daughter. Sheâs not just yours, she is his as well.
I have no idea whatâs going on here.
How were you with him for 2 years but only casually seeing him?
Yes he 100% can get the DNA testing done and file for full custody
You not liking his mom has nothing to do with anything
Most of the time they like to keep siblings together since developmental wise its important to have bonds with siblings (of course their are only children but in the situation of siblings this is true.)
You have provided everything financially if you can prove that (receipts /bank statements that will help)
Also youâre breastfeeding so you should be primary right now as breastmilk is best so get a lawyer to help sort you out.
Itâs a mess youâve put yourself in but whatâs done is done.
Your entire story is a mess. Regardless of ALLLLL the details, you forget he had every right to be a father as well. 50/50 bare minimum. You lying and manipulating the situation is selfish and childish. At this point, find alternative care for your child, get your priorities straight and prepare for a custody battle (I hope he files).
He can file, but I donât see how he could get full custody. Stop sending your child over to her house. And I donât get the 2.6 and 2.4??
If you were given advice would you actually take it? Sounds like a hot mess with everything even on your part. I highly doubt youâd actually take sound advice from any of us ,you seem like you just want People agreeing and saying youâre right !
I canât get passed the part where you all wouldnât call your self dating bc of religion but had a baby um what religion is this?! Sry but sounds like you got into a f up situation knowingly and now a innocent child will pay the price!!! Bc he can DNA is easily established and joint custody will be awarded. He doesnât have to prove you unfit to be able to be a father!! Personally i think you need to step back and realize how you got into this situation and do whatâs best for your CHILD now which is to have a mother and father!!!
I am so confused but find a new babysitter and just get away from them. You werenât dating but he kicked you out? Of where? But anyway cut him off and if he wants to take you to court that bad he will
This whole situation sounds stressful and messy. Iâd get out.
Full custody? No. Unless he can prove you are unfit. Why wouldnât you let him have visitation with child support? That baby deserves a father as much as a mother
If there is no court order stating you have custody . He can go & pick her up from his moms house & not have to give her back. Been there & my daughters dad is still not on her bc & she is turning 26 years old in june . I ended up with full custody & visitations at my discretion. He stopped seeing her & left state . Until she became an adult.
I agree, first find a different sitter! Then apply for legal aid remind him that he should be paying child support - he canât take the child off you if there is no reason or evidence of neglect but beware his mother might lie for him!
This makes my head hurt.
Hes entitled to 50/50. You chose to lay down without protection. Let him have his father time
You canât date but you can bangđ Iâm genuinely curious what religion this is
What the what the what?
Go file for a parenting plan before he does. He could take you daughter right out from under your nose if he does first. Seen good momâs lose their kids to bad dadâs, thinking they would never do such a thing.
If youâre paying grandmothers to keep your children⌠It sounds like your children live with their grandparents? So why are you bothered about custody?
I can not comprehend stupidity
So, you werenât dating because of religious reasons? Sounds to me that wasnât actual reasons, because if it was because of religion he wouldnât of been able to have sex with you either
Honey find another provider for child care for her and donât worry your a good mother he isnât taking anything. Next file for support. In addition if he wants to see his child let him handle through the courts.
So you were good enough for him to sleep with but not be with? You were ok with that and now a baby is here. He can fight for custody and visitation regardless of her birth certificate. And get a new sitter. Donât allow anyone to disrespect or yell at you.
Let him take you to court. My ex is currently doing this to me and my new husband. It is sooooo frustrating!
Is he paying child support? Do you have agreement from him about college and medical and other expenses? Because court wonât just sort custody (and if your child is doing good and thriving with you then heâll have a really hard time changing that) but all those expenses he might be behind on.
Every state is different but I know in our state they canât fight custody unless there is a significant change in custodial home that negatively effects the child. And if he wastes court time with taking you there and kids are thriving with you the courts will possibly slap him within all court costs and stuff.
But also main problem is sounds like him and his family need some firm boundaries and you need to hold them to those standards AND have a plan B to distance yourself and child from their negativity and interference if they donât respect you and your boundaries.
âReligious reasonsâ more like yall were only booty calls bc he didnt want to âdateâ and yall messed up and had a baby.
Yâall didnât canât, but screwed around and lived together ( so he threw you out)?
Heâs entitled to 50/50 and lying to him about grants doesnât look good on you.
Wait. Iâm genuinely confused⌠You want to keep his child from him but two different people have both of your children a majority of the time? Is that what youâre saying?
⌠Is this even real?
Is it not common practice to read over your words before you hit post?
I feel like my brain is bleeding.
Ur causing ur own drama by having the grandmother watch ur baby
Just take her to daycare
Stop being a broken record and he has no rights
Just block him
BtwâŚwerent dating but were having sex and spending time together as a couple ur bf gf to the least
Forget bout child support
Just move away
If he really wants to be part of baby life
He can pay for attorney and paternity test
If his family has them so much they could be documenting the time and use that against you.
First of all, YOUâRE WEIRD. Why are you choosing to keep the father out of the poor girls life bc you wanna be spiteful? You should be happy he wants to take care of his child. Youâre manipulative as shit and also a liar for not letting him be on the birth certificate. If youâre not an unfit mother you shouldnât be worried about him getting full custody, at most it would be 50/50 but let the man be a father. Stop being a weird, petty woman.
Lesson 1: Donât get pregant with your FK buddy.
I never knew you didnât have to put a fatherâs name on birth certificate!! This is wrong and tax. Payers should listen
Sounds to me like you should put both your kids up for adoption lmao the stupidity in this post makes me think those kids dont hv a chance.
Some of you people are awful.
No he canât take her away he can however get put on her birth cert if he gets a DNA test.
Is he paying for his daughter?
As for paying grandmother to look after her own granddaughter. Thatâs awful.
Iâd honestly put his mother in her place. She is grandma not mum
From the very start that was a whole lot of red flags. Pack ur kids up and move away. Dont ever contact him again and why are u involved with the mother if u cant be involved with him. Leave serious get as far away as u can and keep taking care of ur babes
His name is not on birth certificate, I would not let his mom watch her, take her to daycare or any where not to his mom, do not tell him that again, if he happens to record you saying those words, you could lose her if he proves he is the father! Cut all ties with him now! You are not married so he would have to prove you unfit to get her, but leave and make yourself and your kids life peaceful!!
Sorry but I stopped reading at "you pay his mother!â
If this man is this bad then why are you letting his mother mind the child. Take shit from him and his mother. Why are you letting this happen? Stop letting his mother mind your child and only have contact with his throw lawyers.
An environment like this is not healthy for your child
2-3 years and a child isnât casual no matter what you want to label it.
Do not listen to the women laughing on here. No one is perfect and sometimes mammas uncut summarizes/rewords our posts and it almost doesnât make sense, happened to me. You have to make a decision. If you do not want to be a part of this manâs life, then stop getting help from his mother. It sounds like you all live together for you to deal with her constantly. It also sounds like you work and there is nothing wrong with having your kids in daycare to work. Even tho you say your baby daddy didnât want your daughter, he sounds very involved. thereâs a lot of things missing from your story but the best thing you can do is get some real legal advice and detach yourself from these people, starting by finding a new babysitter. You donât owe them anything. A lot of you women show your true colors on here laughing at this woman post her issues, why comment and laugh and criticize. I guess you all must lead perfect lives. Maybe this group is just a pass time for you but ,when people post on here, they are usually already anxious, have depression and are at their wits end to ask for help from strangers knowing they are risking being criticized. You are adding to this womanâs problem instead of laughing, why not keep scrolling.
When you have a child with someoneâŚlike it or notâŚthere is a relationship regardless of if you are together or not⌠you are co parents to that child. If his name isnt on the birth certificate and he goes to the court and says âI think thatâs my child I want a paternity testâ and its orderedâŚregardless if there is no name or notâŚpaternity can be established that way. Once paternity is established he DOES have rights to his child. You can take him or he can take you for custody or visitation arrangements. If his mother is watching the child the court is going to argue the fact that you knew he was the father. Or else why would you refer to her as the childs âgrandmotherâ? If the child is doing well in your care there may only be a visitation order in place. If he can prove he can provide for the child there is also a chance of a joint custody arrangement. That isnt decided by you, however, thatâs decided by a judge. I would however make sure a child support order is in place if, those things happen. The chance of him getting full custody and taking the child away from the mother, as long as your deemed fit by the courts, is minuscule. Iâm going to be the a**hole that says it: just remember your child didnt choose its parents. And regardless if you like him or notâŚyou knew that having sex could result in a child. Itâs not fair to just take the childs opportunity at having a relationship with its father away because you dont like him. If you dont want the dad in your lifeâŚthen it was a bad decision to allow and pay the grandmother to watch the child. Do what you need to do to take care of your child. But, just know if paternity is proven family court is going to give him a right to be a father in some capacity and you may have to learn to coparent and have a working civil relationship as coparentsâŚfor your childs sake.
You donât have to put the father on the birth certificate, if not married itâs the smartest thing you can do.
You need to go see an attorney!
Keep records of everything you pay, only pay with credit or debit so you have proof.
No not contact any of them what so every.
Get a different sitter. Make sure they know he does not get access to the child. If he continues to contact you get a restraining order. Unless he gets a court ordered test he. Has no legal rights to the child.
I didnt read all the way thru, but there is nothing âcasualâ about a man u were with for years and then had a baby with. You did way more than date him. 
This is what happens when youâre irresponsible. He canât take her away unless he proves youâre abusive in some way.
If he is the father he can file for full custody but the likely hood of it happening is next to none if you havnt got a criminal record
Yes your wrong! You only want him when itâs convenient for you! HE is her father, his mother is her grandma and you are her mother. You canât just use it to your advantage! And yes, you were dating!!! You slept together, went out together and lived together! You need to grow up and start acting like an adult with her father and grandma! This isnât just your baby!
Simple, leave him and his family alone. If you want financial support, file for child support. (You will need paternity done but theyâll help you) heâll have to pay you support and you can get half of day care expenses.
If he wants to see her, he can file for visitation.
Youâre situation isnât normal. Good luck.
Sheâs yours. Find a new sitter for her and cut ties with them. They both sound like pieces of shit.
Cant date but can screw? What religion is ok with that?
Did you intentionally get pregnant? Is that why heâs so mad?
Why am I thinking that you did? Youâve been lying to him about other things.
Maybe grandma is seeing things weâre not?
This whole story is just weird.
Please do not listen to the advice to cut all of them out and get away. Millions of grandmas criticize their grandbabys parents, itâs annoying af but the court wont see it as something bad. If they go to court it will look bad on you if you all of a sudden just cut them out of babies life. You need to go to court though you will most likely get primary custody and dad will have visits and he will have to help support baby. As far as grandma why dont you just drop baby off there quickly and dont hang around her house.
Why would you get his mother involved
Sometimes i wonder if these post are real or if some 1 is posting to het a rise out of people with these stupid ass posts
Iâm so confused
You hung out and did everything like a couple and were sleeping together but you werenât a couple.
Iâm already confused.
Not that serious, but you had a kid with him?? Wtf
Iâm confused⌠
This all sounds very childish.
Firstly it is very wrong of you to not put his name down as her father- period. You need to correct that. You can not use that as manipulation against him (my sister in law did this to my brother & its down right disgusting- it also does not stop his parental rights). If you want support from him then put him on the certificate.
His mother- just ignore her.
He will never get full custody of your daughter unless he can prove that you are an unfit mother which would be very difficult for him to do so i wouldnt even stress about it. But you should have some legal custody agreement in place as he is the father and that is his right- you cant deny him that.
Iâm trying to focus on the questions here and not what I donât understand. He can not get full custody. He would have to have proof that you neglect your child. Donât go any visit the mother anymore. YOU are the mother and YOU respectfully need to tell her to back off! You need to mom up now before it gets worse. And get a lawyer. The judge will set a parenting plan in place. For instance you can say you donât want your childâs ears pierced. Or he gets the child for so many hours per week and you have primary. He will also be told to pay child support. I donât know why these men think they can get away with telling the mother he will take the child away and get full custody. Thatâs not how any of this works. No judge will strip a child from their mother unless there is a long term neglect. Drugs/addiction or abuse of any kind. Stop listening to him. Stop being on and off with him. Stop playing his games! And stop letting his mother get to you!
Sorry that was a bit all over the place, do you live with his mum? Or have your own place? Iâm confused a bit, and yes he can go for full custody, itâs his child, I dont think he will get full, but could get 50/50, especially if you act like a child in front of the judge, you need to grow up real quick, cause once its court ordered, you will have no control, watch what you say from now on, because saying he can have baby if he can prove you are an unfit mother, is something he can now take to court and use against you, he has rights, itâs about your daughter now, dont make it harder then it has to be.
I donât understand why you say you two couldnât be together because of religion. But you two screwed around, lived together and was a couple. That does not add up for being religion (for any one person). So in all reality you you were like a married couple but wasânt married.
What the hell did I just read?
How do you do all things like a relationship, bring your child into the picture, and have another child with someone but only be âcasually datingâ them?!
Just make him take a paternity test prove itâs his kid and go after child support. Yes he can take her. Itâs in the courts hands
Tldr ⌠Religious differences âŚbut yall had sex there wasnt a difference there⌠Well ok
Not dating but did everything as a couple and have a child together??? HmmmâŚyour a little screwed up!
We were intimate and did everything as a couple but just werenât dating⌠uhhhhhhhhhhhh what? This post makes my head hurt.
Simple move out of the house if sheâs that bad. Sorry but why lie about the birth certificate. He has the right to have his name on it as well. The child isnât just yours. And good on him if he wants custody ECT. Why should mothers just have it. Have you thought of 50/50
Ok I really think that you werenât together but have been for almost 3 years have a kidâŚmakes no sense⌠DIDNâT date bc of religious DIFFERENCES? SERIOUSLY Iâm lost
I would find other accommodations instead of using grandma. She can have visitation with her son. Itâs likely that when your child is older, she will just insult you when youâre not there.
reading the post you are not actually looking after either of your children that is down th extended family grow up
First go to child support office and file for support. They will go to court for you for free, he will have to take Paternity test at his expense. HE has a right to see his child, and a legal responsibility to HELP support said child. If he doesnât pay he will could jailed and will definitely get drivers license taken awayâŚand more 
. The unpaid support get fines attached to it, and never goes away.
Lawyers are expensive and drag it out. Your case is simple, so go to Child Support office. If you get a lawyer, child support will not help you. Their hands are then tied if you have an attorney, BUT they will enforce court orders.
*Trust me, it is a big mess getting an attorney. They will not work if you canât continue to pay them, rightfully so, and you then have to ask the judge to release the attorney from your case, to then start over and open a case with Child Support Services.
Unless you love paperwork and running around to court, or think the laws donât apply to you, then get an attorney. Which again IS unnecessary if you are not dividing assets with this man, or entitled to alimony etc. AND Child Support Services does not help you with alimony, only child support.
Good wishes, donât wait. Oh yeah, they will garnish his paycheck and income tax returns also. Same thing goes for men too if he is the provider of his child, and the mother wants custody or visitation. You BOTH have rights TO RAISE YOUR CHILD.
Omg. Were you a child of the system? Do you have family you can depend on? People who can tell you that itâs not ok to move in and have kids with people youâre âcasually datingâ? I feel like youâre very much alone in your life. I think you need a therapist and a social worker and a lawyer⌠someone. You need people who can counsel you in life, girl, because what you got going on now, is not cutting it. Letâs go get you some help. Stop dating⌠Should probably stop not dating too, in thinking about it. Learn to use 3 forms of birth control (hormonal + condom + pull out) if you insist on sex (though I think you should maybe hold off for a few years) and start working on you. Heal. Grow. Be better for your girls. You are their example. They will allow men to treat them the same way they see you treated. No one cares what you want anymore. Itâs not about you now. Make better choices. Bring better people into your life. And when youâre stable and grown and you love yourself mor,e than you love sex or relationships, then you can look for a new man who will treasure all of you. In the meantime, though, like I said, get that lawyer and that therapist. Like, yesterday.