QUESTION:
"A little bit of back story, I was married for six years, and my ex and I tried to conceive, but it never happened. I had to go to a fertility specialist, and he told me that I do not ovulate and that I wouldn’t be able to have kids on my own, we did 5 round of fertility treatments, and when they were successful, unfortunately, I would have a miscarriage, this took a huge toll on my husband and me, and we decided to stop, and we ended up divorcing a couple of years later.
Fast forward to now, I was talking to a guy for months before meeting him, and we had an awesome connection; unfortunately, due to his job, we didn’t meet up, and we lost contact. About a month a half ago, he contacted me, and we met up, we started hanging out here and there, and we did end up hooking up; he knew my story, so we both were irresponsible, me thinking I can’t get pregnant (I told him my fertility story) well he finished two times inside of me and well, I’m pregnant. He is very upset, and he doesn’t want me to keep the baby; I don’t want an abortion because I will never be able to forgive myself.
I prayed for a baby my whole marriage, and it happens now? Yesterday I told him that I couldn’t get an abortion it’s too much, and he eventually called, and he was raising his voice saying I was not thinking about him just about myself, that this is not what he wants, just a lot of stuff that I rather not mention again. I just said ok, and he said he would call me today, and he hung up. I did my research on abortions, and they both sound just awful. I don’t think I can do it once I’m there in the office. What would you ladies do?? I feel like God would not forgive me for this. What if later on I try to have a baby and I can’t? I will always think about this baby."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“If he doesn’t want the baby, then you have to respect that. Allow him to sign over his rights, or just don’t put him in the birth certificate. Do not ask for child support, do not try to include him. Be happy that you are having a baby, and prepare yourself to raise the baby alone. You can do it!”
“Personally I would keep the baby and give him the choice of involvement. If he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby, have him sign off all rights and never worry about him again. If he does decide to have involvement work on it from there.”
“It’s your body your choice! If he doesn’t want anything to do with you or the baby that’s his choice. But let it be that don’t give the baby his name and don’t try and get anything out of him. He can’t force you to do anything you don’t want but remember he told you he doesn’t want this and let him go.”
“Keep your baby! Don’t contact him or force him. He can reach out if he wants to be involved, if not, you will find a man to be your child’s father willingly.”
“I went through this exact thing 15 years ago!! I had the baby. I never asked nor received a cent of child support. I raised him all on my own until he was 2 years old when I met my current husband who has raised him as his own since. I think you should 100% have that miracle baby!! Good Luck!!”
“If you really want this baby, don’t put him on the birth certificate and don’t ask him for a single thing. Tell him to walk away and he won’t hear from you. It’s completely your choice on keeping this baby, and I know having people ask you to abort is the worst thing ever (been asked). Make sure you are 100% up to doing this on your own and make your decision from there. Good luck!”
“Tell him you understand 100% how he feels and it’s fine if his choice is to not be apart of the babies life, he doesn’t need to be part of it. Don’t put him on the birth certificate and tell him you won’t ever go after him for money. get his rights signed over if that’s a possibility where you are.”
“If you really want to keep the baby then Maybe have a talk to him and explain that this might be the only chance you can have a baby. Offer him an out. Tell him he has no obligation to the child and he can go on with his life. Or offer him the option of being involved as much as he wants to be. Make sure he always has your phone number so he can decide for himself if he wants to be involved in the future.”
“Keep the baby and have him sign his rights away so then he doesn’t have any legal responsibility for the child. OR You can just Cease all contact completely with him now, don’t put his name on the birth certificate and raise your baby on your own. I raised my child on my own for a few years before I met my now partner and I will always cherish those memories when it was just my son and I.”
“If you feel that deeply about it then definitely do not have an abortion. However, keep your expectations realistic in that you’ll likely be doing this alone. He was under the impression this wasn’t possible and has been very clear that he doesn’t want it. If you do it you should be accepting the full responsibility with no expectation of him being there or helping.”
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