The guy I was seeing wants me to get an abortion: Advice?

A little bit of back story, I was married for six years, and my ex and I tried to conceive, but it never happens. I had to go to a fertility specialist, and he told me that I do not ovulate and that I wouldn’t be able to have kids on my own, we did 5 round of fertility treatments, and when they were successful, unfortunately, I would have a miscarriage, this took a huge toll on my husband and me, and we decided to stop, and we ended up divorcing a couple of years later. Fast forward to now, I was talking to a guy for months before meeting him, and we had an awesome connection; unfortunately, due to his job, we didn’t meet up, and we lost contact. About a month a half ago, he contacted me, and we met up, we started hanging out here and there, and we did end up hooking up; he knew my story, so we both were irresponsible, me thinking I can’t get pregnant (I told him my fertility story) well he finished two times inside of me and well, I’m pregnant. He is very upset, and he doesn’t want me to keep the baby; I don’t want an abortion because I will never be able to forgive myself. I prayed for a baby my whole marriage, and it happens now? Yesterday I told him that I couldn’t get an abortion it’s too much, and he eventually called, and he was raising his voice saying I was not thinking about him just about myself, that this is not what he wants, just a lot of stuff that I rather not mention again. I just said ok, and he said he would call me today, and he hung up. I did my research on abortions, and they both sound just awful. I don’t think I can do it once I’m there in the office. What would you ladies do?? I feel like God would not forgive me for this. What if later on I try to have a baby and I can’t? I will always think about this baby.

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Omg. Your body. Your choice. If it’s that hard for you to have a baby then I think it’s understandable to keep it. He doesn’t have to have any thing to do with it if that’s his choice. Don’t feel pressured by someone else to have a medical procedure if you don’t want it.

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Nothing says you cannot raise that baby yourself. Don’t let your guy friend talk you into an abortion. It’s painful for you and it’s beyond awful for the baby. Tell him he doesn’t have to be a part of the babies life and he has the option to sign away his parental rights. He will never be held responsible for the baby.

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I agree with the others in that the choice is yours and yours alone. Forcing him to be a father, however, would be selfish and unfair. He could also come back later and cause problems if he has legal rights. I suggest ttalking to an attorney about getting the father to relinquish his rights.

I am a new mama, and got pregnant not too long after my now fiancé and I had been together. I can honestly say that you will NEVER regret having this baby… that angel will change your life forever and show you a type of love only a child and mother can have. It is 100% your choice, regardless if this man wants to be involved. You are giving that precious child life!!! You got this mama! Do what is best for you.

I feel like this actually a very hard decision to make because what a lot of people fail to realize, at least in my state (NY), regardless of if you sign your parental rights away, you still have to pay child support and be financially responsible for the child, unless you choose not to put his name on the birth certificate and avoid paternity tests completely, if you ever need public assistance or anything similar though, they will automatically take him for child support regardless of if that’s what you want. I actually know someone personally who both parents gave the child up for adoption, I dont know the mother personally so I’m not 100% sure but I don’t think she pays anything at all but the dad 100% still has to pay child support regardless of the child being adopted out.
Personally, if you have always really wanted children and it wasn’t possible and you don’t think you will end up miscarrying and causing yourself more heartache, I would keep it, I can definitely understand the concerns of the father though because I’m sure if he did want children, he would want to be apart of their lives but just clearly isn’t ready. And are you sure you aren’t going to resent him for choosing to keep it and not being apart of their lives? The thing is, I know so many men who didn’t want children and made that clear and after the girlfriend or whomever ends up getting pregnant, they are considered a dead beat dad for choosing to step away from something they never wanted from the beginning, from my point of view, I think either parent (mom or dad) should be able to choose to stay away, the only hard part about that is the effects that it has on the children from either only having a single parent, never knowing their other parent so kinda trauma from that or if the parent keeps coming back in and out because they feel guilty for not having a relationship with something they wanted no part in and that can also effect the children so idk, this is a hard one but you do what you want honestly, it’s always your body, your choice!

They are held responsible for the baby financially though regardless of your parental rights to that baby, at least that’s how it is here in New York, not sure about other states

Don’t abort the baby cause of your ex or husband keep the baby cause you want it not cause of him

Also you can’t terminate your rights unless another person is willing to take the place of the child’s parent

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PLEASE keep the baby you’ve always prayed for. Even though I’m pro-choice I feel like you’d never forgive yourself if you abort this baby. I was going to get an abortion with my daughter & I am SO HAPPY I did not. Meanwhile, block him so you can be comfortable & relaxed during your pregnancy. He doesn’t have to sign the birth certificate & he can relinquish all parental rights. Reading your story & all that you went through it just seems like it was meant for you to have this baby.

It’s your choice, I’m pro choice for both parties, to me it seems like he doesn’t see a potential future with you and sees that if your pregnant than he has to stay and be involved in your life. Tell him he can go, doesn’t need to be involved in your life or the babies. You can raise this baby by yourself, it will be hard but you’ve tried so long for a baby and losing your only chance because of a man who you might not be with a few days from months to now isn’t worth it. Tell him he can sign away his rights and that you do not need him nor will you pursue him for child support. He’s not worth it, your happiness is what’s important, a man has no say in abortion. Your better off cutting ties with him and having your dream baby.

Yes you can, might be different state to state but that’s not always the case.

Talk to a lawyer. Figure out whether or not you have to sign a contract to keep the guy free of charge in the future and keep the baby. If you both were irresponsible but you want the baby then have it, you might not have another chance. Maybe someday that guy will realize and maybe he will want to be a dad. But for now do what is best for you without affecting the guy.

My story is about the same. After 2 relations and more years without, I got involved in another relationship. It was great when it started but after some time it became bad and even worse. We were actually in the process of ending our relationship when I found out I was pregnant. Against my better judgment I tried to make something of the relationship so that the baby would know 2 parents. But he didn’t want to know about it. After much thought, I decided to have the child and raise it on my own. And then after 5 weeks I had a miscarriage. It was for me the sign that I had to get rid of anything that could remind me of him. I did and went further. About a year later I found out I was pregnant again and wasn’t involved in a relation. I decided to have the baby, if I was prepared to do it on my own, then I could do now. It was just one time, I don’t know the father. He doesn’t live here, I don’t have any personal information. He isn’t involved nor aware he has a child. It was a though decision and sometimes it’s not that easy, but I don’t regret the decision I made. I am the proud single mother of an 14 year old son. Your life will never be the same but it’s worthwhile.

It’s very easy for a guy to say they don’t want a baby but doesn’t understand the physical and emotional accept regardless of your situation.

An abortion isn’t a decision you make light heartedly and is something that stays with you for the rest of your life. Personally I think it’s extremely selfish of him to make you get rid of the baby after everything you have gone through. If i went through what you did I would keep the baby and if he wasn’t happy then he doesn’t have be involved at all.

To many times woman are always the ones to make the men happy no matter how much it destroys you. Do what makes you happy and put your thoughts and feelings first. You’ve waited so long for this, don’t put it off because someone else tells you to. It’s also your body and your choice. Don’t feel like you have to get rid of it because he tells you to, it takes 2 people to make a baby not one so both feelings should be took into consideration.

Be firm with him and tell him what your doing and if he doesn’t like it then he knows what to do but don’t be hung up at the fact he doesn’t want it or if he chooses not to stay.

Don’t do it if you don’t feel comfortable doing it.
Explain to the man in question and emphasise on the fact YOU DONT WANT AN ABORTION and give him the option if he wants to be involved or not but tell him you are planning on doing this. (Maybe be prepared mentally to do this by yourself)

I had the same situation, my daughter is now 2 and I’m so glad I kept my foot on the ground with my Decision. Even though I was told all through my pregnancy that “he didn’t want it”

Do not do it.
He can go live his own life and you can raise that baby on your own.
I had an abortion with a man I truly loved and it took a huge toll on mental health, I still haven’t truly forgiven myself for it.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. The guy I was seeing wants me to get an abortion: Advice?

First few lines… my answer would be no

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If you don’t want an abortion don’t have an abortion.

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Don’t get one if you don’t want one…

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I would not get an abortion!

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Your body your choice.

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If you feel you’ll never forgive yourself and it’s something you’ve wanted for such a long time, don’t do it. As for the guy, he doesn’t sound worth your time or your baby’s.

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It’s your body your choice! If he doesn’t want anything to do with you or the baby that’s his choice. But let it be that don’t give the baby his name and don’t try and get anything out of him. He can’t force you to do anything you don’t want but remember he told you he doesn’t want this and let him go.

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Do what you feel is right… if you don’t want one then that’s YOUR choice and no one else’s … he doesn’t have to raise it :woman_shrugging:t3:

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You are the mother. If he doesn’t want to be involved allow him to terminate his rights. Raise your miracle and move on.

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If you don’t want an abortion don’t have one, tell that guy to kick rock and you and your baby will be just fine.

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I would have him text everything to me…about how he wanted me to get an abortion, I was selfish, and blah blah blah. And then I would cut him completely out of my life and raise that baby on my own. Because if I went through hell and back, had a miscarriage and then I was having a successful pregnancy, I wouldnt ruin what could have been my only chance to have a baby. And I would seek legal council about how I could have his rights taken away since he has expressed he didn’t want the baby.

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U may never get that opportunity again begins how hard u tried before ur body ur choice tell him fuck off and raise the baby

Have your baby…he sounds horrible!

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Nope,and if he doesnt want to be part of it,then i would ghost his ass

Just realize if you do have that baby and he doesn’t want it YOU are responsible for the kiddo. Make sure you’re able to be a single mom cause shit ain’t easy.

the answer to “what would you ladies do”?? Is I’d have my baby. He can take a damn hike. I’m having what I prayed for, regardless

Don’t do it; guy doesn’t want the baby, so drop him and go your own way. Your body, your choice, not his.

No abortion!! Keep that precious baby!!

I would not get an abortion!!! It messes ur body up so bad

Have the baby don’t put him on the birth certificate problem solved

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Have that baby. While having both parents in a child’s life is great if they are good people, it’s not neccessary to raise productive children.

Do what YOUR heart tells you to do. This is not something he has to do! It’s your body, your emotions, your risky procedure, your lifetime of consequences.

Do not let anyone force you into getting an abortion. If you want this baby, keep it!
If the guy doesn’t want to be in the babies life, so be it.

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Any man who takes a woman’s word that they cant get pregnant is an absolute idiot. And also… just because you and your ex couldn’t conceive doesn’t mean that a whole new guy with a different sperm count and dna thats being introduced would have the same effect.

Do not do it for his sake, you want this baby you keep it, wether he takes responsibility or not, you can do it alone.

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If it were me, I could not have an abortion.

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It sounds like you know you want this baby. If you can do this without him, then just do it. Millions of women raise their baby alone and there is no reason you can’t too. Chances are he will change his mind and want the baby once you’re closer to your delivery date.

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Keep the baby and abort the guy!

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Use protection and he’s on the hook for child support. How irresponsible

Your body your choice. Just don’t dog him out or call him a deadbeat if he’s not around for a child he stated that he clearly didn’t want.

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Keep your baby. Lose the man !!!

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Accept the single mother role & OWN IT WITH PRIDE.

You have wanted this forever & it is your choice. He can exit as easily as he entered.

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No judgement. If you feel like you can’t then you don’t.

You definitely don’t need a man to raise a baby!! Keep the baby you’ve wanted it for so long I wouldn’t let a hateful and selfish man take that from you

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Its ur baby u carry it for 10 months u said u always wanted a baby so keep it…u will luv this baby no matter if the father wants it

have this baby for your sake to heck with him

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Your body. Your choice.

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Bitches always got to put a laugh react to everything. Every post has some twit nip laughing at the OP. Its sad.

ps… he sounds like a douchebag. Have your baby and tell him to fraaicck off. Because he’s not even worth the space he’s TAKING. bye boy!!

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Yeah fuck that. Murder is never the answer.

If it wasn’t what he wanted he should have wrapped up!!! Nothing except abstinence is 100% effective!!! :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

Keep it and block him. Fuck him.

Keep your baby honey, it sounds like you’ve made up your mind already :purple_heart: you’ll be an amazing parent with or without him.

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Offer for him to give up his rights, don’t go after him for payments or anything.

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If you don’t want an abortion don’t have one. But if you decide to keep it I wouldn’t try and make him be a father to the babu or pay child support. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want it. After all you’ve been through I’d keep it. Honestly, it’s a sign and blessing from god

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Personally he made the choice to have sex with no protection, whether being told you cannot have kids or not. (I also was told that and have 3 kids) He made his choice at that time, now it’s your body and your choice. Go with your gut!

Don’t abort the baby… this is a miracle baby…

I would keep the baby. If he doesn’t want to be involved that is his choice. You both made the choice to have unprotected sex. Even though the chances where slim there was still a possibility that it could have. Have your baby and go on and live your best life.

Abortion is sin! God made that baby. Abortion is murder.

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I’d keep the baby and have him sign over his rights

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Sounds to me like this baby( like all babies) is a gift from God and is meant to be. Have the baby and good luck

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Have the baby and don’t put him on the birth certificate. You will not forgive yourself if you abort, you said so yourself. What if you never have an opportunity again? That baby will love you whether he does or not. Keep the baby momma

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If he does not want the child, then he should not be obligated to provide for the child. Have him sign away all rights and responsibilities and accept the child as your own and only yours

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You can do it on your own! Sounds like you’d regret having an abortion, so please don’t let him pressure you. Block his number and have that angel baby :heart:

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If you don’t want one don’t have one. That’s not up to him.

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Have the baby and if the father doesn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life then whatever. You can raise the baby on your own! :blush::heart:

You could keep the baby and have him sign over his rights so hes not apart of it anymore. Itll be hard but if you think an oz of you will regret it, dont.

think of him as a doner i would write up a contract and get it notarized saying he doesn’t have any rights to this child he doesn’t want to prevent future mishaps

Think of all the times you wanted this baby. God puts ppl in our paths and you are now pregnant. U can raise this baby with so much love. , you don’t need that toxic energy or bring you down and change your mind over what he wants… Its what you want. When the baby gets here he may feel different. I am not for aborting but its your decision for the rest of your life.

DO NOT GET AN ABORTION just because he wants you to. You both chose to have unprotected sex. You may not have thought it was possible but it happened. Personally I’d block him, cut him off completely. If you have mutual friends restrict them so they don’t see updates on your pregnancy/baby. You can raise this baby without him. He’s just going to use this kid to make your life stressful.

Keep your baby. You don’t need to keep him around though!

Every baby is a blessing REGARDLESS of how it was conceived. You love that baby with everything in you and move on with your life. It’ll be the best decision you’ve ever made. Good luck momma you got this!!! With or without him you and that baby will be perfectly fine.

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Do it yourself. If you went through years of miscarriages and not thinking you could get pregnant I completely understand why your like absolutely no. So you need to decide can you do this on your own will you do this on your own? But need to decide can I do this and this means no help from him.

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Keep your baby. Let the guy go. Congrats:)

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Keep the child and raise it yourself. You can’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do! He doesn’t want to be a father! So leave him be and raise it yourself!

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Screw that guy. Tell him if he doesn’t want a kid FINE you’ll have one and he can GO.

Keep that baby God loves you and you got a baby on the way now

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Don’t do it. Have the baby and leave him off the birth certificate.

If you want baby then have baby. He wants no part then leave him out of it. Raise child yourself many people do. And get birth control because obviously you don’t have a problem

Keep baby you got pregnant for a reason

Please keep your baby! I have a similar story! Now I have a son and wouldn’t trade him for anything!

Do it on your own and get him to sign away his rights

Just let him opt out and raise this baby yourself

Your body your choice, don’t forget while you two have a choice the baby doesn’t

Have the baby and :fu: to him!

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If you want this baby, KEEP THE BABY!!! But be ready to raise the baby without him, If he dosnt want a part in it get him to sign over all parental rights!!

tell this idiot where to go and move on wit your baby❤️

Keep that baby it’s a miracle

This may be your only baby if you had so much fertility issues. It’s your baby your body

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Keep the baby have him sign away his parental rights

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From the sounds of it don’t do it. YOU clearly don’t want to do don’t. If he doesn’t want the baby then have him sign his rights over now, he can do it. Both of you just walk away with what you want.

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