I’m deeply in love with a man; we are together right now and have been for a while. I have 2 children from another man who’s not involved, and my current man is extremely involved with them and helps me raise them. However, he was with someone right before me. Someone he wasn’t in love with and couldn’t be with anymore. He basically Left her to be with me because he and her both were unhappy; he just wasn’t in love with her. He and I have an insanely deep connection; I’ve never felt like this for someone in my entire life. And it’s the same for him. I want to spend my life with this man. But yesterday, we got the earth-shattering news. The girl he was with before I am pregnant. She’s almost five months along and Just now told him. It’s insane because she’s not supposed to be able to get pregnant, so it’s a huge shock. But the point of this post is that he wants to stay with me and get through this together. While also being there for that child. I’m struggling because it honestly destroys me that he’s having his first biological baby with someone else because I wanted to have a baby with him more than life itself. I dream about it, think about it, I wanted so badly to be the person who had his first baby. It hurts so bad, and I know I’m going to be insecure and sad the entire time. Like when he has to go to doctor’s appointments and be there for the birth, all of it. I have two children, so I know exactly how hard it is and exactly what he will have to do and be there for. But I love this man so much, and he truly loves me. He changed his whole life for me. He gave up the home they owned, the business they owned, everything. He let her keep it all, and he moved into my tiny apartment with my kids and me and never looked back. He’s supported me, loved me. He’s made me a part of his life, his family’s life, his friends. He gave up everything for me. And even after finding out she’s pregnant, he wants to be with me and make it work. He says I have his heart, and he can’t leave me. Basically, I’m asking, do I stay? Do I support him through this, love him, and love that baby he has? And just be a big blended happy family? I know one day we can have a baby too; I guess my hang-up is the fact that I’m not the one having his first baby. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Anyways, any advice would be helpful.
It’s clear that you care about him and obviously your children love this person as well I think a blended family is amazing!!! I met my husband 21 years ago and I had two small children from a previous relationship. He thought he would never have children of his own due to a car accident but We have a total of four children. He stepped up when my ex partner stepped out.
Talk to him about how yoi are feeling. Personally I think it would not only break his heart but yours and your children’s as well. Also talk to him about getting a paternity test as well. Just because the other woman is pregnant doesn’t mean it’s his child .
You want to be 100% sure that that man has moved on. Do not take his word for it. I have seen the exact situation unfold, only for the man to run back to the first female, cheat on the second, leave the second to be with the first, and then continue to play both sides until he got the first female pregnant again. Pretty words are one thing. Trust actions. They never lie. If he’s honestly over her, and that is in fact his child, be there for him and help him and love him as he has loved you. But you better make sure he’s not making you into a home wrecker, because as much as you want to claim he came to you, you will always be remembered as the bad guy if he ends up going back to the first female.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. The man I am seeing got someone pregnant before we got together: Should I stay with him?
Wow dude. You can have two children from another person before him, but he can’t? You made it sound like you guys were together for years before, it’s only been like, what, 4 months? Come on, be realistic here. You’re selfish if you’re in love with this man like that, and have two kids he “helps raise” and you can’t even compromise for an unborn child that didn’t even help it coming into the world. Pathetic. He left his entire world for you and shattered hers, like who even are you. And you know what? I truly hope, if you are going to leave him for this reason, that he finds someone or even goes back to her and gives him the same treatment that he gave you, because he sounds like he deserves that and you sure as hell are too insecure to see that.
It was before you mama … I understand its hard but don’t leave what you love for his past…
Go with him to all these appointments and love this child as he loves yours 
This actually happened to me sorta. I got pregnant and the man that got me pregnant a week later started dating somebody. And dated women up my entire pregnancy.
As the woman who is pregnant, he constantly chose other women above my daughter. And continues to, she is now six years old. I wish that the other women that knew about me had had the decency to either walk away or really make sure that he cared about his child.
If you have kids of your own from previous a relationship then it’s pretty much the same thing with him. You both have pasts. Move forward. If he’s great with your kids then stick by his side and be great with his. It’s not like he cheated on you. It was before y’all right? Sooooo…??? You both have kids from other relationships. Ok, what’s the problem?
Why would you hold it against him if it was before you and he didn’t know about it ??
If you’re so madly, deeply, insanely in love then you guys have certainly been together for more than 5 months?
You don’t even know if she’s going to truly let him be in her life… or… if the baby is truly his.
A lot of variables.
Go with it. Keep him. It’s not his fault or yours that she just let him know. You can love that baby the same as your own, don’t let it stop you from being happy with him. Does your children’s father come and go in your lives? If so, then he’s already dealing with the same thing you’re contemplating with he and his ex. Support him. It’ll only make your relationship stronger.
Don’t let the past rob you of your future …
It’s not like he cheated on you. This happened before y’all became a thing. Stay with him and see what happens. Make sure he has a dna to make sure it is most definitely his. If you love him like you say then you should be able to stay with him.
Sound clingy asf shit happens
Have you watched Virgin River ?
Girl I was 5 months pregnant with my now husbands baby when we got the news that he had a 3 year old son… it can hurt but if you truly love him you will make it work we went on to have our son and get married
I’d be more concerned about the fact that he left another woman to be with you. Especially someone he had a house and ran a business with. Seems like he once felt for her what he now feels for you. You can’t fault either of them for a pregnancy that happened before your relationship began. Is anyone else curious about the fact that he said he left his ex because there wasn’t really anything there anymore, yet there was clearly enough there to make a baby.
Did he cheat with uou?
Do not hold anything against him. You love him and he loves you . Y’all will make it work and you just make one big happy family . He may never go to the doctor appointment or anything.
Huh seems odd to me. He had a home and business so he had to have been in love with her at some point. To me you are sounding pretty selfish. If you claim to love each other so much you would do whatever it takes to support him.
You have two kids from another man already so why would it really matter that he’ll have one? I know you didn’t know when you met him like he probably did with your kids because baby isn’t born yet. So I know it’s a shock since you thought your with a guy with no kids.
How would you feel if he didn’t accept yours?
If you love him, be with him this is before he met you even though it’s creeping up in the present.
This might bring you a smile, what if it’s not his??
You stay and love that baby!
If your so madly and insanely in love with this person why are you asking the internet if you should stay with him over something that happened before you?
So, they owned a home and a business together? But he claims this intense love for you and “helps raise your kids”. But if she’s only 5 months pregnant, he either cheated on you or you’ve only been together a few months.
So madly, deeply in love with someone but ready to leave over an unborn child that was created before you. Selfish and petty. I hope he finds out how you really are and leaves you. He deserves better.
If it’s real true genuine love you already know the answer in your heart. It’s okay to not be having his first baby because when you guys are together he will look at that baby as if it is yours anyway and I know this because my husband always always looks at his children as mine because I help, love, support, and take care of them too! I mean… you will be a “step mom” but personally I love my step children just like I love my own 3. If you really truly believe in y’all’s love… be there for him, support him (and her as hard as that would be,) love him, be his peace right now cause I’m sure he needs all those things right now!
You have an unhealthy attachment and entitlement here, if you think this way and you’ve only been together 5 months…id be telling that man to run…this is all kinds a wrong and I think your thought process would be toxic for this baby to be…
I understand your pain. Something similar happened with me. My fiancé and I were on and off in the beginning and it was mainly just sex… well we ended up getting back together… and a few days into us getting back together, he told me that he could possibly have a girl pregnant but it wasn’t 100% that it was his. Well at the time neither of us had kids… I had been told that I couldn’t have my own kids… so I easily accepted that he might have a kid on the way. Well like a month in … he just started saying the kid wasn’t his… it didn’t add up… and cut contact with the girl. It had nothing to do with me, or anything else he said he just had a gut feeling. Well time goes on and we get pregnant and have a son. I was so excited to give him his first son. Then like 2 years later he gets a phone call that the girl is going after him for child support and he needed to take a dna test. I was so upset. Things were different, we had a kid… we were engaged… I felt like it was the end of the world. He took the DNA test… and the baby was his. I had an extremely hard time with it. Everyone called me childish and said I was selfish. We spilt up a few times because of it. I had to really step back and figure out what I wanted because now his child and him were a package. I ended up going to counseling… and we went to couples counseling… and I finally 100% accepted it all. Things are different on my end because his child is 23 hours away… so it’s mainly just FaceTime visits right now… but I look forward to when we all finally meet face and face … and our son can meet his brother. It took me a lot to get here tho. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for not 100% being okay with it. Your feelings are valid… just dig deep and find what you really want. You have to 100% accept it if you so decide to stick around. It’s not the child’s fault. Just become another person to love that child because the child is apart of someone that you love ! If you need to inbox me please do !!! (Sorry so long🤣)
Wait, you’re upset because you wanted to be the first to give him a biological baby. What if he decided to leave you because he wanted to be the first to have a child with someone. See how silly that sounds. You are very insecure and I feel you need to mature some.
Sounds like you need to work on your insecurities. It’s also a bit hypocritical that you have your own kids to a previous partner yet you’re upset with him doing the same as you? I mean if he loves you and you love him put the past aside and be open to having a blended family like he has for you.
Simple
IF YOU LOVE HIM LIKE YOU SAY YOU DO, IT WOULDNT EVEN BE A QUESTION!! PERIODT!! If you truly want to spend the rest of your life with him, like you say you do, this wouldnt be a question.
How long have u know the boyfriend before he met your kids …how long have you known before you let him move in with you.
That happened with my now husband we started dating and two weeks later his ex called and said she found out she was three months pregnant…the way I looked at it was I didn’t even know him at the time so I couldn’t hold it against him…I supported them both and we’ve been together for four years now
If him having a child with someone else bothers you that much then honestly I don’t think you should be with him because you are clearly jealous and immature… You have 2 kids from a relationship before him and you’re upset over him having 1? Sorry but that’s not ok at all, it already sounds like youd push his child away or try to get him to favor yours over his and that baby doesn’t deserve it. Leave him, he’s better off
Well you weren’t the first one he had a kid with so idk why that is even a factor. The bigger factor is that he claims he wasn’t in love but was living with and had a business with this woman while meeting and subsequently leaving her for you and your “tiny apt”. Sounds fishy like he was creeping around. He “left” her for you so just know he can and probably will do the same with you. That’s a risk you have to decide is worth taking. Me personally I’d rather cut my losses and find a man who is single and healed before entering a relationship with me and not hopping from one woman to the next to live off. He probably left it bc he didn’t have a choice… It was hers to begin with. But good luck.
Ummmm….I’m going to say this right now. If you feel a certain way about this and think you might even hold a grudge against that baby, you need to be done. Because that baby sure didn’t ask to be a part of this fucking drama. Now, I do understand how you feel, but that baby has zero say in who their parents are and what they do/did. So…. I guess what I’m saying is, if you feel like it’s an inconvenience to your life, hold any type of grudge, are jealous, whatever, MOVE ON!! Because this is exactly how kids get hurt physically or emotionally. If you can’t handle it, move on. Please.
He can’t father your first child either. Suck it up buttercup. Lose the man you say you love? For something YOU CAN’T GIVE HIM EITHER? Well, aren’t you special?
Stop being selfish as if he had a child when you met this would not be a problem
Only 5 months along which means you two are newly together and you are so deeply in love… Hmmm yeah something is up
One you don’t even know if it is truly his kid yet. Two he gave up everything to start a life with you. It sends selfish for you to even have the idea of leaving him for that. Three if he treat you and your children like gold why would you even question him not being there in your life. Be there for him nothing has changed you just get the bonus of loving a piece of him.
So you have kids from another relationship but you are going to hold him having one against him? Makes no sense
Sigh. How many other women are in love with him? Buckle up for his suprises. Luv!
Unhealthy attachment is all im reading you have 2 kids and a step child make a life together don’t have another one unless life nd you are settled
Is this real? I mean for one he wasn’t with you at the time . No reason to hold that against him . Unless he cheated . But the way you talk in the post like y’all been together for a long time . Deeply in love and been helping with your kids . But obviously you haven’t been together too long if he got another girl . Pregnant before you . So if your so deeply in love than let it go and be there and love his child like you claim to live him . but if you honest can’t handle it or too immature to deal with it . Than maybe leave . So he can be there for his child . And find some one who will except his child .
Leave. For the sake of his child. Your jealousy (if you can’t contain it) will leave a big negative impact on that child’s upbringing. This sounds toxic… you’re upset because you wanted to give him his first biological child… 
also he’s actively in your children’s lives and his ex is 5 months pregnant 
moving a bit fast don’t you think? Especially with kids involved
Uh what sounds like he deserves better, if you really love him you’ll stay!
The fact your calling his baby ‘that’ suggests you really aren’t happy about it… Its life either deal with it or leave him because it’s obviously eating you alive already
WALK AWAY NOW!!!
Every word you said points to the childish pettiness you will incorporate into this newborn babys life. It would be amazing to see more great co parenting these day but you are going to cause tons of drama and that baby deserves more. No disrespect just being honest. You have only been together for less than 5 months. You will all be ok. Walk away for that childs sake Please
Watever happend in yo first relationship didnt teach u alesson dts y u acting like a teenager in love. U cud be jst a victim in their break up 5month n already high on th moon for someone who is infact leaving in your own house . So th guy left ahouse n evrythg 2 awoman who didnt hv evn his child nor legally married to her. Its sad but u might be aprey 4 him n infact he knew abt th pregnancy even b4. He cud be fooling u
The choice whether to stay or leave is yours and yours alone… but if you decide to stay, please don’t hold anything against the baby, none of this is it’s fault. If you will always feel some type of way towards the baby, leave.
I say move on . Take care of yourself and your kid’s first , wait until your children are older before you settle down with anyone. You don’t need baby mama drama , because any woman who doesn’t tell her ex she’s pregnant for 5 months has something up her sleeve. Trust me focus on your little family first blended families don’t always work out. Kid’s first before any man.
No. Stop now. He left someone he got pregnant for you. He will discard you too. He’s probably a narcissist. Get out now. He showed you who he was immediately.
He had a home and business with this lady but he wasn’t in love with her and now she’s 5 months pregnant? Your deeply in love and move some man in with your kids all in 4 months? How long was he in a relationship with her? He just had sex with her so he liked her somewhat. This all sounds messy and I think he’ll end up back with her. Your the new girl so everything is fresh and exciting with you. Unless you aren’t going to be jealous and love that baby like your own leave him alone.
I think i get it. The dream you had in your head died the moment she said she was pregnant. It does change things for you guys. Take your moment. Then put on big girl panties and move on.
First of all, it’s the love drug. Second of all, if he changed his whole life and gave up everything for you and your kids then you can support him through this…….since you’re so in love right? Because that’s what love is!
Girl; it’s only been 5 months. I know that’s a while… but you don’t know him for sure yet… I made the mistake of falling head over heels for somebody and got pregnant 2 months in and then he left me for another woman and abandoned his baby… it is hurtful all the way around. If he’s gonna leave her for you you don’t think he will leave you for somebody else? I would leave. I’m so sorry. This is a hard position to be in.
Wow! So he’s deeply involved with your children and you’re being petty because he’s having a baby with someone he got pregnant BEFORE YOU. He should leave you 
SELFISH!
A couple of months isn’t a while. And, in my opinion, way too soon to have a strange man move in with you and your babies. Stop being ridiculous. Worry about your kids and let him deal with his. SMH. You’re effing bonkers, lady.
Child support 
and move on 
And this is selfish for you to even question about leaving because you weren’t the first to have his baby, but yet he stepped up and is supportive of your kids and accepts them, doesn’t make sense but okay!!
You sound really immature… you’ve only been dating this man 5 months? He lives with you and your kids and you want to marry him. Sorry but you don’t know nearly enough about him for all of that. You’re moving waayyy too fast and yes you sound very petty and jealous. Regardless of when he got this woman who is really more like an ex wife vs the fling you made it sound like originally this baby deserves nothing less than love and acceptance from every adult in its life including you. If you can’t put your big girl panties on and do that then you need to walk away and work on yourself. You’ve obviously got some major issues you need to address with insecurity and moving way too fast in relationships. Because of that you’ll never have a healthy relationship anyways.
Something is off here. I think dude wasn’t completely honest with you. I dont think any of those things were his. I think it was all hers but he’s telling you he left it all for you and you’re obviously gullible enough to believe it seeing how immature you’re acting about him having a child… his 1st child with someone other than you meanwhile you already got 2 kids 
. Just leave him please for the sake of his unborn child cause you strike me as the type who’s about to cause a whole bunch of drama for that woman and her baby. …over here referring to it as "that baby that child " HIS honey HIS baby. HIS child
Wow. Usually I’m not one to judge but that man gave up everything for you and your upset over something he couldn’t control if you have to ask if you should walk away then you absolutely should. He deserves better. That baby deserves better. Your connection must not be too deep if you can’t support him through this when he gave everything up for you and your kids.
I’d walk away. From what iv read you’re going to struggle with this and its going to make it hard for your partner hes going to feel guilty everytime he’s had an appointment with his ex and if he chooses to miss appointments so not to upset you he may then resent you. You’ve either got to get past this and 100% support him and his baby or move on
You deserve each other!! If everything that has being told here is 100% truth, then enjoy it while it lasts cos believe me when I say “IT WILL NOT LAST”! When I started reading this story, I was expecting to read that you had been together years and his previous partner has reappeared with a child in tow… 5 months is not a long time, 5 months pregnant means this child was conceived this year! Once the lust has wore off, you will see things more clearly and reality will kick in…
You need to move on because you said in your post how well he treats your kids so if you cannot respect and love his kid also he doesn’t need you. Love goes two ways, to receive you have to give.
You’ve got yourself a good man. Just because your not going to give this man his first baby doesnt mean you just give up on him. You stick by him. You be there for him. You support him. You take care of his baby. If you say you truly love this man you’d do the same damn thing for him that hes done for you. That baby shes carrying is what hes about not her. If your thinking about leaving then you dont love him like you say you do. Be the bigger and better person. Stand by your man if you truly love him
You sure she didn’t kick his ass out after she found about and you two and yours was the only place to go? 
If she’s 5 months preg how have y’all been together “for a while”?!!
It sounds like your biggest concern is that someone else is having his baby first. You already have two children of your own and should be more mature than that. I think there are a ton of ‘real issues’ that you should be concerned with at this point in the relationship. Put your ego aside and deal with those issues, at least for your kids sake!
Really??? If your in love you stay with him. He gave up everything for you and supports you and children that are not his. When in a relationship if the other person has kids you accept them also. How is it fair he accepts your but you cant accept his because your not the one giving him his first child? But 5 months you might want to wait for a child with someone you dont truly know. It takes awhile to fully know someone and it takes more than 5 months definitely.
He left her for you:joy:
hes probably gone do the same
So u love him more than anything and want a life with him but it’s also all worth throwing away because he’s having a baby? 
There is probably another reason why he left his ex and unborn baby and his work. My guess is he was cheating and his ex made him leave. Why would he leave a woman carrying his first child ? There is a whole can of worms which haven’t been opened up. My advice is if I were in your shoes I would run away from this guy. But the decision is ultimately yours.
Well it wasn’t really “Before” you. You say he left her for you. So basically he got her pregnant while cheating with you…
He’s supporting you and your children … why is it right for him to do it but not you.
You have two kids already are you kidding? You ever thought maybe he wanted to have your first baby too? Sounds childish to me. If you wanna be a step mom then do that. Its up to you…just don’t treat the child bad if you are going to stay
You lose him how you get him …
Lol how old are you??? “We are together right now and have been for a while” BUT the ex is almost 5 months pregnant!!! I stopped reading at “that child” umm you mean HIS child!!! You must be a troll because if you’re not… I’m pleading the 5th because Zucky loves putting me in fb jail
And you want a kid with him but barely known him for 5 months? This is why the rate of single moms is so high cuz some women just reproduce with any damn body 
Let me get this straight.
He loves you, loves your children, supports you, has taken on your kids like his own, and now you are asking if you need to do the same???
So basically you’re a hypocrite… riiiiight…
For fucks sake grow up
I’m make sure it’s his to begin with and you have kids from a different man… So you acting like this is kind of petty.
You had 2 kids for someone else and he loves them. If you can’t offer the same for him you better leave him now. Your whole post it’s about you and no one else. U sound so selfish.secondly he left her for you.he ready for him to leave for someone else.
He wasn’t the father too your first born correct? And he still loves you a lot? I’d say suck it up even though it’s hard, it’s going to be a HARD pill to swallow but if you love him you will make it work, he clearly is still trying.
First things first, DNA test.
BUT, if that is his child then you need to let him be a father even if that kid isn’t with you. If you truly loved him you wouldn’t get in the way of him wanting to be there for his child.
There are definitely some pieces missing to this fantasy, cough, I mean story. First of all, if she’s five months pregnant, you haven’t been together “for awhile.” Four months max. You barely know this man and yet claim he’s your soul mate?? You sound more like a love bombed victim of a narcissist.
If you have this connection don’t throw it away because he has a baby with someone else you will get through this if your love is worth it all
Are these questions for real??
If you love him, love that baby too. He did your kiddies, so why wouldn’t you to his?
From reading this- he gave up THEIR home and THEIR business. I’m pretty sure you were the side chick and he got busted
If you truly love him this would’ve never been a question! Selfish-that’s a baby! A child. Something so innocent and sweet that you already have two of. Sounds like he doesn’t deserve you if you’re ready to jump ship!
If she’s five months pregnant than you barely know this guy. You already moved him into your house with your kids in less than 5 months of being with him? That’s weird…
Am I the only one that seen this post selfish if tpu actually loved him for him and wanted to stay with him over anything then you would be supportive and get through it together you have 2 children that isn’t his an he didn’t allow that to get in the way so support him and do it together show the other women that you’ll both help and be there for baby when is needed, nothing stops you to having a future and maybe years down the line you have a baby together, your response isn’t someone that’s thinking about him and what this news may of made him feel its seems to be all about you and what you wanted how you feel,
Was this woman who wrote this the other woman he was having affair with. Wife is 5 months pregnant and she wants to have his baby and he does all this stuff with her kids already and doesn’t like the fact he’s having a child with someone else. I reckon she’s scared he will go back running to his wife. She sounds like she was a mistress to him and now sees her easy money and life slipping through her fingers
“He gave up everything for you”,
Now a situation is here you wanna run…
If I were him I’d run coz he threw everything away and got this in return.
Did a 15 year old write this
Been together “for a while” but she’s 5 months pregnant? There’s a lot missing from this story for sure. So was he having an affair with you or he cheated on you and went back to her for a roll in the hay and now she’s pregnant? Exactly how long is a while to you? How do you know he didn’t know she was pregnant before now and this is how hes decided to tell you? Definitely get a paternity test but I agree with several other comments you can’t expect him to step up for you and your kids and then you not do the same for him, not how it works sister. And if yall have only been together 4 or 5 months that sounds like way too soon to be moving in and being around your kids. My husband never even came into mine and my kids home the first 3-4 months we started dating, that is my kids home not just anyone can waltz in. Sounds like he has some splainin to do honestly 