The man I am seeing got someone pregnant before we got together: Should I stay with him?

Be with the man. U got kids from another relationship. Its not like he cheated and knocjed her up. Not that hard. Sounds like hes excepted ur kid(s) as his own so wats the problem?

Well, this is a tough and complicated situation. But there is good news…the baby is innocent and in need of physical, emotional, mental support and most of all the baby needs to be accepted. I know this is hard for you, and I’m trying to put myself in your shoes. The relationship and love you have with this man is perfect. He loves you and your children. My advice to you is, stay with this man and just love his child like your own. You 2 will have a baby in the future. This sounds like it can become a wonderful blended family. <3

Children are always caught in the middle. If he is truly a good man he should be with the person he is In love with. Make sure of this, that he’s not a go to go to player. He is still responsible for his child if that mamma let’s him. Dose he have other kids with other woman is there a pattern? Just don’t hold the kids accountable for adult decisions. Hope it works out!!

If you have doubts examine your relationship. Only five months into this relationship. Slow down!! Get to really know him the person. You already have two children. Don’t bring more into the picture til your positive will work out! Ask yourself what’s best for myself n my children.

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My boyfriends never even met my kid before 6 months. I couldn’t be bringing all different men around him. And yet you let him move in with your kids? Sounds like you need some self worth evaluation time. Quit moving in every man that is your world every 6 months.

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Before you “give him a baby” think long and hard. He left one woman for you, you could be raising 3 by yourself. You’re already struggling. Take care of those babies you have and work to give them your very best. :heart:

To me this whole things sounds like a teenage girl’s fantasy. This poster is obsessed with wanting to be the first to have this guy’s baby yet she already has 2 kids with someone else. She claims he doesn’t love the other woman but obviously they had some type of connection to be together in the first place. Then she says how the other woman and this guy can’t be together but this man has ran and ingrained himself so far in her life & her kid’s life in what sounds like an escape from his previous situation. My advice … slow down and everyone pull their heads out of the clouds. That’s a ton of stuff happening in a short period of time. Why all the rush?

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Honey do him the favor of leaving. He’s been there supporting your children and loving your children, but you can’t do the same? Please leave. You didn’t have his first child just like you didn’t his. Life happens. So please, do him and his child a favor by leaving.

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If it happened before then there is no need to worry my husband has kids so I don’t see why you shouldn’t stay

It happened before you so it shouldn’t matter and if you love him as much as you say you do, yes you become a big blended family. His first child is with this other woman but that shouldn’t matter either… your first two children were somebody else so I say just embrace the whole situation and be happy.

Sounds a little selfish you had children from previous but he can’t. Yes you had yours already but he accepted you and yours do the same for him if you truly love him love all that comes with him

If you love him as much as you say you do, you will accept this and be supportive. You will help him raise a baby just as he is helping to raise yours. If you can’t do this then your not truly in love. Love means the good and the bad. Not just when it suits you and is all sunshine and rainbows.

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He needs to have a paternity test before any decisions are made. This can be done while pregnant.

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I would not. I went through that when I was younger and knowing what I been through, I would not have stayed. I was believing everything he would tell me but would be with her and lie about it. Do what you feel though. I would never stay again

I mean are we talking a while ago or recently before you got together? Like, mutual split or prego & bounce? Could b NBD🤷🏽

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If he has committed himself to your children surely you can commit to his enjoy his being committed to you and be glad he is taking responsibility for this other child

First, get over it. He sounds like a giving man, but before he locks himself into child support for 18 years he needs to get a paternity test. Son was married and had 3 children. Ex wife getting support and maybe let him see the kids. Son finally met a girl who broke ex’s hold on son. Ex is pregnant and son told me he could be the father. I told him to get a paternity test. She never would do it. She liked to tell son when mad that his 3 weren’t his.
If the paternity test proves it is his child, then you must accept it. Are you going to resent him and deny you and your children of his expanded heart or are you going to enjoy it. After all he accepts your children from another man.

When you got involved with him he was a package deal just as you are being unsure and thinking of leaving just because he has a child is the most selfish and same thing I’ve ever heard

So you are the reason he left the mother of his child he will do it to you also.

If you really do love him as you say you do then you will accept things the way they are and work through everything that comes at you.

Secondly to everyone talking about how longvthey have been together. So what if they have only been together 5 or 6 months. What’s that got to do with anything. Me and my husband were only together 2onths before we started living together and 7 months when we got married. We have been married 3 yrs now and having our first together. He already has 4 biological and 2 adopted plus I have 2 from a previous relationship. It doesn’t matter how long they have been together. She should support him the way he has her and move on. My oldest has a sister who is only maybe 3 months older than him. I didn’t let the fact that he got someone pregnant before me bother me. I was told by doctors I couldn’t get pregnant and then ended up pregnant. So if she loves him then support him and if not then yea she should move on and let him be there for his child with or without her.

you will have 3 more loves of your life and 6 kids so just keep on getting on

You know what the best thing you can do for your relationship with this man? Is be the best step-mom you can be. Be a co-parent with the baby Mama and Daddy, work along with them make sure that baby know it’s loved and wanted. Treat that baby like he has been treating your children. It may be the baby you’ve been dreaming about. This will strengthen your relationship. If it doesn’t then you can walk away knowing it wasn’t you that is what was wrong with your relationship. It’s all on him. You can’t change other people, the only person you can change is you.

If you’re friends then you’re friends. No secrets no lies and it is absolutely nothing to do with you… just support the guy he’s the one struggling. Woman up and love his kid

I think this is truly the dumbest post I’ve ever seen and I usually don’t say things this harsh. But really? You’re letting him be there to “raise” YOUR kids. Yet you’re thinking of breaking it off with him? So now your kids will have two men/dads uninvolved and then a third playing daddy when you get with the next guy? And so on?
You say this other woman is only 5 months pregnant but you two are “so in love” and have been together for…….how long exactly???
And you let him into your kids life’s to raise them/play daddy when they have a father already- this early into the relationship if it’s what? less then 5 months that you’ve been together?

He got his ex pregnant BEFORE you and didn’t even know….??
Lmao if that’s true then that shouldn’t affect you at all. It was, BEFORE you. Not during, right? Unless he cheated on her with you…He didn’t cheat on you and knock her up right?? So why tf would you punish him for something he knew nothing about?? If that’s what happened.
He dropped/let go of all these things he had built in his life prior to you, his home and business yet you want to drop him for something he did BEFORE you.
He is accepting of YOUR children that YOU had BEFORE him but yet you can’t be accepting of a child created BEFORE being with you???
You want his first child to be with you but yet you already have two children of your own with some other dude?? :rofl::woman_facepalming:t2:
If you loved him as much as you claim this wouldn’t even be a question. You’d be finding ways to help yourself in accepting this new life you’re both/all about to have. Not thinking about breaking up with him.
My advice is, have him get a paternity test and if it comes back the child is his-get over it if you love him. And he loves you. Make it work. He needs to be there for his new child too though. Not just play daddy to YOUR children…
idk why chicks bring dudes around their kids and have them playing daddy so early into relationships… it’s so stupid. Kids don’t deserve to have their life’s played with like that. Or maybe you really should break it off with him before you get yourself knocked up too. Don’t bring more kids into this without being with this man longer and getting to know him better. And lol there’s always the possibility that he didn’t actually leave the ex and is now playing you both. Maybe meet her and find out for yourself before getting anymore involved in things

If she’s 5 months pregnant, then you guys haven’t been together very long. I would take my time instead of rushing into anything right now. Take your time and see how things play out. If it’s meant to be, it’ll all work out.

5 months? Girl you need to give your head a shake. Something isn’t right

Huh? But you have not 1 but 2 by someone else. Sounds a lil immature and selfish to me. Smh

All this within five months? I have no word’s.

Who writes these questions?

At least be smart enough to get a ring on it

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It would b different if he cheated on u,if thats not the case then I would stay

Facebook is not the best place for advice. Try counseling.

Well being with someone clearly 5 months or less is not really that long. Accept it and embrace the baby or move on. It’s that simple.

Nope I would walk away honestly, Find a man without such recent baggage

Ughh… i see problems down the line.

What did I just read…. YOU have other kids that aren’t his but can’t get over the fact that he has a baby on the way AND wants to be in its life?! Tf? Please leave that man alone so he can find the right woman cause you ain’t it.

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If you have to ask what is right you shouldn’t be in a relationship and you don’t really love him you just love the idea of not being alone.

Oh and he will eventually leave you to be with someone else.

There’s more red flags here than a Chinese Army marching by…

Stay he sounds like a keeper

So he accepts your kids and you can’t except his? Sounds like he should kick your selfish butt to the curb.

Your first red flag should have been when he left her to be with you! And are you sure he gave up his life with her or did she find out he was CHEATING on her with YOU and threw him out??

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Put yourself in the other woman’s shoes for just a minute, would you not want him stepping up to be a great father for your child? Boo fucking who it’s not “your kid” get over it, he’s willing to step up and be a father to a child that he has with a woman he doesn’t love, he’s with you and loves you and your children as well so quit bein selfish and grow the fuck up

It sounds like he’s trying to do the right thing. I wouldn’t fault him for the life he had before you.

4-5 months isn’t a long time. So you got with a man, had sex, fell in love, and moved him in your house around your children all within 5 months. I think you need to find yourself.

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Don’t view it as HE’S having a baby with another women but instead YALL are having a baby TOGETHER! This life is hard enough and there’s always time to have children of you’re own and just because times are hard doesn’t mean to give up, ESPECIALLY on someone you love. As long as it’s being handled the correct way without any drama then there shouldn’t be any problems.

So it’s okay to be with you when you have kids from a previous relationship but not him? No, that’s not fair or right.
2. You said you’ve been together a while yet she’s 5 months pregnant? So you haven’t been together that long and it’s still the honeymoon phase. If you can’t handle being a step parent to his child then leave now because he doesn’t deserve that kind of attitude and neither does that baby.

Was he cheating on his ex WITH you? If so, u could be feeling the same way SHE felt at the betrayal. If NOT, I apologize And he sounds like a good guy to wanna be there for his new baby. Being a mom yourself, u KNOW your love for one child is no greater than for the other. If u and he have 10 kids together, if he is a really good guy, he won’t love yours any less than this one coming. Be so happy that u were blessed with a man who accepts his responsibility. God made our hearts to accommodate loving as many as He chooses to give us. Just the same amount. And please never try to get between his new baby and him. Never be jealous. Try to love this child as he will be part of his life forever. If u can’t do that, step away. He deserves more

Ok, first off your said y’all have been together a while now, turn around and said that his ex is 5 months pregnant and he left her for you. Question, were they married?? Because you mentioned they had bought a home together, had a business together, and he walked away from all of it. If you been together for a while, that says to me personally, that y’all were messing around longer than just 5 months. He was very willing to walk away from his life to join you and your kids lives. Why can’t you just be grown enough to be there for him? You make it sound as if they were miserable together and both wanted out. Miserable people don’t make love, have sex, or however you want to put it, and end up pregnant. JS. I feel like there’s more to this. But that’s neither here nor there. Just be a grown woman and be there for him like he’s been for you.

My thoughts re this other woman probable feels like shit hence why she didn’t say anything till she started showing. She may be jealous of the love you guys have but you be the bigger person And love her too. She may possibly need a strong compassionate woman. Bei.g pregnant can be scary for some. Especial with a man that already moved on.

Do you love your 1st child more then you love your 2nd?
No
Then it shouldn’t matter if he has 10 kids before he met you
This baby is coming either learn to accept it or walk away

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Sounds like you are still in the infatuation stage… Very early on in your relationship. If you stick through it this then maybe it’ll grow in mature love. Remember to put your kids first before this man. Guys come and go but your kids don’t. I hope things work out.

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If she wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant, then that baby is a blessing in so many ways! If y’all love each other like you say then support her as a first time mom and support him in positive co-parenting! Don’t be the wedge…be the bridge! If you choose to keep him then you are choosing to accept ALL of him and that includes that sweet baby and it’s momma! Help him in being her support system! Your relationship with her is just as important as your relationship with him! Be a team…ALL of you, including momma, baby, and your own children.

Let go of the things you can’t control and love the man and his child as you already do. Don’t give up something great because of an emotion that will eventually pass. Babies don’t know any better. And it’s very possible this other women may need you as well. So continue to be a bright light in their lives and be thankful to loved so deeply. It’s gonna be ok. You guys will become even stronger amd have a big wonderful family. Somt worry about not being the first. You two ha e each other and nothing can break a bond that strong. Family is family.

Is he sure its his child, thats the question I would be asking.

It all happen before u met him so I said yes on staying

DNA test to be sure it’s his

You need to grow up before having more kids :sweat_smile:

How can you even say “he takes care of my kids” and then question if you can handle taking care of his, and supporting him through becoming a dad…? This post is nuts to me. Lol. The fact that you’re even questioning leaving him because he’s having a child- after he selflessly has loved yours and you for all you come with…is so fucked up and sooo selfish

It’s been at least only 5 months since you’ve been with this guy and you moved him into your place with your kids :flushed: I would be so scared to do that no matter how much I liked the guy.

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She’s 5 months pregnant so this can’t be that long of a relationship, unless he was cheating on her to be with you. Either way, you’re not 20 years old, you’re a mother first and if this is the type of relationship you want to raise your kids in go for it. Personally I’m not capable of loving someone else’s child, I wouldn’t be in this relationship, nor would I have moved someone in fleas than five months in while having two children. No way. Take your stuff and go raise your baby!

IT WAS BEFORE YOU!!
Stop the nonsense.

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Make sure it’s actually his baby before you do anything.

Girl grow up. That’s all I have to say.

Some ol lady advice!!! GET A COURT ORDERED DNA TEST 1ST!!! THEN TAKE FROM THERE!!!