Question: I have two daughters from my first marriage; my husband (their father) passed away when they were small, and I’ve since become involved with another man. We’ve been together nearly five years now and have a three-month-old daughter together. My question is not with the holidays my late husband’s family keep wanting to know, “what would the girls like for Christmas” they don’t specify if they include my baby or not, and I’m afraid to assume. I feel if I were the one asking someone in my situation, I would include the new baby, but I just don’t know. Thoughts?
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I would give them ideas for the others and then jokingly say what the new baby could use and see what they say. Or just tell them for the older two and see if they ask about the baby.
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I’d like to think so too but people can be strange.
Could you just be honest & ask them?
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Ask them. Or just give ideas for all the kids. I would think that they would see the new baby as your girls sibling and include her as well.
It would be a nice gesture if they included the baby but they shouldn’t be obligated to include the baby.
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I would simply ask and if they don’t want to get the new baby something then oh well it’s not going to hurt anything to ask a question that any other mother would be curious about
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Well I understand why you feel like they should include the new baby. However that new baby is not their family
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I wouldn’t assume that they included the new baby when asking. And I personally wouldn’t be upset if they didn’t. I feel like since the father has passed this is a way for the girls to feel the love from their family. Luckily the baby is too young to know the difference and hopefully in the future this won’t be a concern.
Just to clarify, I would include the baby because I can never exclude a child from something like a present. I’m just not in their position seeing it from their eyes.
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Your husband’s family knows of your new relationship or not?
You could always: “I don’t want to assume. Did you mean just ____ and ____ or all three of my daughters?”
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I don’t think it’s fair to assume or expect that they would but it defiantly would be a kind gesture.
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I’d just say the first 2 and if they want to know the baby also the would ask and what about the baby? 
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I would just say what the older two would like
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I wouldn’t assume they’re going to give a gift to your infant because it’s technically not their family. However I would include a gift for the infant in the list of suggestions bc realistically you set the bar. And it’ll probably hurt your youngest child’s feelings when it’s old enough to realize her siblings are getting gifts from them and she’s not.
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I would just include your older 2 first, then see if they ask about your baby too after that. Make it less awkward. Lol
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I wouldn’t assume they’re including the new baby, the new baby isn’t part of their blood family. That baby wasn’t fathered by their side of the family. It would just be your two daughters.
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Probably just their grandchildren if I have to guess. I have no idea though. Maybe ask them nicely?
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I just give them the two and then I always get a message asking for the other grand baby, even though it isn’t her she claims him too
Dont assume just ask if it’s for both or all 3
I would just ask they will understand
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Just say what the older 2 want…if they care to include the 3 month old they’ll specify. What could a 3 month old WANT Anyway lol?! Its not like she’ll feel left out…
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Just be sure to ask. They may not include baby and you need to know for sure so baby isn’t left out.
I don’t think they are talking about the new baby . I think they are just talking about their family members.
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Ah well can’t put to much pressure on it. We all love baby’s. But I wouldn’t put that on them . I am sure it’s hard enough not having there son. But just say the 2 older ones and if she wants to buy for baby she will.
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I would include all my children for whoever asked. Especially if I had all girls and they didnt name specify, but said “the girls” I would see that as all of my children.
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Just their brothers children (unless you’re still close and visit and they went to the baby shower and are in your new baby’s life).
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I have learned with family never assume unfortunately not does not end well S much as we would like at least with mine and my significant others family. I would personally stick to the big kids info
It’s okay for them to choose not to buy for the baby. Plus baby is 3 months and won’t even know that it didn’t happen
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I would just give them ideas for the oldest two and then if they intend to include the baby, they will ask about her too. But honestly you have a life time of your late husbands family doing things for your oldest two daughters and possibly not including their little sister… if that’s the case, she will eventually learn and understand why that’s a thing.
I would personally include your youngest, if it were me, but the same can’t be expected of everyone.
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Don’t assume. Don’t include the baby. That’s not their grand and they don’t have to buy gifts. It would be nice and I would , in this situation. But they don’t have to.
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I mean probably just their two grandchildren, the baby isnt their responsibility. Plus if people want to get things for babies they will usually just grab something for then because they are babies and dont know what they want yet
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Make an Amazon wishlist with stuff for all the kiddos. Let them order whatever they want to
My own personal opinion is that they should include baby however most would not include baby.
There is no way any of us are able to speak/answer for them you need to bite the bullet and ask them…
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I would only send what your older kids want. If they want to include your baby, they will ask.
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Probably just their grandchildren, tell them what those two girls would like and if they ask for your third child then great, if not well thats fine too.
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I have two children from separate fathers I don’t expect them to buy for my other children but some years they do. But I don’t expect it
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They are reaching out and want to love you, just respond in love and everything else will fall into place Father God I pray your will in the lives of your people in Jesus’s mighty name amen
I would have an open conversation about it. Something to the effect of “this will not bother my youngest now, as she is so little, but as she grows up I dont want her left out. If the two older girls need to be dropped off to make sure of this that is fine. Just let me know.”
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Just tell them what the two older one wants and if they were going to include the baby they might text you back and say and what about the baby but then again what could have three months old baby actually want or really need at that point.
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It would be a nice gesture if they included the new baby but I would not expect it.
In fact the new baby could be a painful reminder for them that their son is gone and could bring up thoughts of what could have been were he still alive.
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I’m thinking they are asking for their own granddaughters. But because you are asking, here is what I would say- the big girls would like whatever, and if you wish to include baby girl this is what she could use. That could clear the air and let you know their intention.
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Ask them. Just say you wanted to know so you don’t assume.
No they shouldn’t include the baby i dont see why they would. Just tell them what there granddaughters would like and keep it at that. If they want to buy for the new baby then cool but never ever expect it or try to include her when it comes to them. I wouldn’t bring it up to them either thats a bit cheeky if you ask me.
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Just send information for the older girls and if they want to buy for the baby they will ask
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Just their grandkids. Don’t feel any type of way. If they include. Fine. If not. Fine.
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Make an Amazon wish list and include all 3 girls.
Tell them you made one for all your daughters to share with whomever asks for it.
Let them make the choice as they should have that choice to buy for all 3.
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I wouldn’t expect them to. They’re not related to the new baby. Just tell them what their granddaughters want and if they want to buy for baby, they’ll ask about her wants / needs.
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I would just send the bigger girls wish lists. If they want to include the baby, they will. I would not make a big issue about it. I know you are thinking of how it will impact the little one when she older but for now, just let it go.
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Buy for all or none at all. Imagine how that child will feel being left out.
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With such a big age gap, I personally would not expect them to include the baby… and I think it would be less awkward for you and the family if you made it clear what your two oldest want. 
very sweet that they want to be apart of their lives.
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Why would they ? unless you have that relationship with them.
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I have a son with my ex. And I have my 3 year old girl with someone else. My sons grandma/ family embraced my daughter. They think of her as their own. Please ask. Let them know not to feel obligated, but you didn’t want to somehow offend them or assume. Just say when they said the girls you weren’t sure if that included your youngest. 
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Yes let them know and I’m sure they will Include the baby
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Not their grandchild. A decent human would probably just buy something small out of kindness but it would never even cross my mind for them to buy my other child something.
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I feel like most people would mean your oldest daughters. It would be nice to include the baby but I don’t believe it should be expected. Just tell them what they want, if they want to include the baby they’ll ask about her.
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Does the babies family buy for your first two kids
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It depends on your relationship with the inlaws. My husband passed away & we have 2 small children. If I were to have another child or a step child, my inlaws would celebrate with the child also.
I am very close to my inlaws still, speak or see each other daily. It all depends on what your relationship with them is like.
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They are asking about there grandchilderen not the new baby so let them buy for them and the new babies grandparents will buy for the baby and the girls if they included then as part of the family to me you sound a little greedy in my opinion
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No your new baby has nothing to do with them. Just tell them what the 2 kids would like.
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Probably the bio grandkids. Never know but I’d just automatically assume. That’s great they are involved
You don’t have to…she’s a baby. If they choose to get her something there’s endless gifts for them to get.
Honestly, I would out right ask. This will likely come up again in the future.
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If they don’t include the baby (sibling) … how awful disgusting adults can they be to not include an innocent child … tell them three gifts - one for each child … I buy for the whole family regardless of the relationship status in my family … why grumble over another $20 or 30 gift 
… this should even be a debate … include all the kids - are people nowadays that self absorbed and thoughtless - by reading the prior comments … smh!
I would just tell them what the older girls would like and if they mean the baby too they’ll probably ask what about the baby. A lot of people responding seem too harsh. My family always includes all children so no one gets left out. And there’s nothing wrong with wondering. At least you’re not assuming and expecting it.
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It’s not their grandchild they’re not obligated to buy anything for your baby and the baby wouldn’t even know the difference since it’s only 3 months old. Send them a text as to what the older girls want and let it go seriously. Also when that baby gets older you need to explain to your daughter that her older sisters get presents from so n so because their daddy died a long time ago and the presents are from their daddy’s parents and in the future maybe you can have your older children go to their grandparents house to celebrate also.
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I would send them a list of what the girls want. Remember these girls are also what they have left of a lost love one. So that being said buy the baby a extra gift which will cover for the one she did not receive from the girls other family.
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That not their grand baby
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Well simply give a response that includes yr new babygirl in it too so they get the hint. That simple…goes like this…
What do the girls want for Xmas?
Oh. X wants a barbie, Y wants Legos, and babygirl loves stuff with lights! 
hope that helps:heart:
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I never expect my other children’s fathers to get all the kids but I have that bond with 1 an him an his girlfriend my daughter step mom buys my other daughter gifts an I buy there kids stuff I actually have there kids 5days a week with me while they are at work I watch them an my little one sometimes her grandmother an aunt buy for my oldest but I never expect or ask if they ask I tell them if they don’t say anything
Depending on the age gap. Do you all spend time together? Or will all 3 go to that Gramma someday, then yes. Otherwise no. If they want to they’ll ask
My oldest has a different father and when his grandparents come visit they do bring things for my other child. They Don’t ask what he likes/wants but just brings him random things. I do tell them tho they dont need to bring my other child anything since he’s not their grandson.
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I think what your trying to do is avoid a awkward situation if you assume they are including the baby, and they are not. So I would suggest just telling them what the bigger girls want and I’m sure if they are including the baby they will then ask what to get her.
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I’m sry but ur 3rd baby is from a different relationship so I think there in the right for just asking about the 2 girls!
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Since your new baby is so little it’s easy to assume what a 3 month old would like or want, so I wouldn’t mention her.
Give info on their actual grand children and then wait. They may ask for the new baby too or just grab something. Don’t get worked up or upset if they don’t include her and if they do, feel grateful. The new baby isn’t anything to them so they don’t actually have to include her. ((Edit to add: Good people would include her, but not everyone always feels that way. Hope they do.))
Good luck.
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I would say all 3 and leave it at that .some families will buy for non-bio babies some don’t. I have a non- bio granddaughter that I completely love as much as her brother my bio grandson.
I would simply respond by listing the kids separately- all of them - and what they wanted… simple as that…
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I remember feeling like this… until i really didnt gaf if they did or didnt… dont have to tell grown people u have 2 kids…
Ask them. Tell them what the older 2 want and be honest. It will come up again for different holidays and birthdays.
That would be nice if they bought the baby something but I would assume they meant the 2 older children. Don’t expect anything for the new baby… if they do, great.if it was me I would definitely NOT ask if they meant ur new baby too. My opinion
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I say treat them all equal period is put something for all you don’t leave a child out not fair later on in life it could potentially be hurtful let them know how u feel hopefully they will be accepting if not it’s their loss
I would just tell them what the older 2 want. Families are made up of different parts. My older two have different parts that my youngest doesn’t. We have made it clear that my ex husbands parents and family are NOT part of my youngest daughters and steps sons family. It’s also out of respect for my now fiance. My older two get to go and spend time the youngest will not. Different treatment does NOT equal unfair treatment.
Now my dad raised my younger half sister as his own even after my parents split. He also bought my other half siblings Christmas presents. My grandma on my dads side was grandma to everybody! Including kids and nephews on my moms side even after my parents were split. It really comes down to all parties involved.
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I would tell about the older 2. If they ask specifically for the baby as well then okay if not that’s okay too!
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I’d assume not considering that isn’t there family but it doesn’t hurt to ask in a polite way.
“Hi, I have the girls Christmas lists for you. So just so it isn’t awkward were you planning to shop for the baby too? This is new terrain for me so I’m not sure whats socially appropriate.”
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You have mouth, ask.
Did they acknowledge your new baby ?? Send a card or gift ??
Don’t expect them to accept your kids with another as their family !!
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Would u include them in the baby’s first birthday like would they be on the invite list ?
It goes both ways u can’t expect gifts for a child that you may not include them in her life other then expecting gifts at xmas time ?
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I have a son from first marriage and my husband’s father has always sent my son Christmas gifts and a birthday card with money in it just like he does for his 3 grandchildren. He has done it for the last 20 years.
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I don’t think you should over think this one. If they want to give the baby something then fine but she is so small right now she wouldn’t know the difference. I bet as she gets older they will be considerate of her feelings and include her.
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I would just say clothing sizes of older kids and what there into and clothing size of 3 month old and what she needs and just go from there
Do you have a good relationship with them outside the holidays are they seeing the new baby and building av relationship with her. I’m guessing they’re just asking about the two you had with your late husband. They may get your new baby something but I wouldn’t expect them to. Just leave up to them. I wouldn’t mention it
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My husband that passed away mother always makes sure to include my kids by my new husband and even my step daughter who’s my husbands child and her brother who’s not either of ours. I’ve always said just my one daughter and she then asks about the others, now I just include all of them because she has made it super aware that she is buying for all 5 not just her blood granddaughter
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I understand where you’re coming from, but they’re probably talking about the older two. Since that is technically their grandparents and not your new baby’s grandparents
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Maybe choose something that all 3 of the kids could enjoy together. Something kind of “universal”. Watch and see who they shop for and leave it up to them. That will avoid any awkward convos and you will know for sure.
I’d just tell them what their grandchildren want. I’d assume they are only speaking on their sons children unless in the past they have bought your other child gifts
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That’s okey i guess. After all, your daughters remind them of the son they lost. Anyways, your youngest will surely receive some from her father’s side of the family.
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I personally wouldn’t think they are including the new baby.
You could send a list of things, say, “I don’t expect anything for baby, but just in case” and include a small list for her.
I’d just tell them what the older girls want and if they mention the baby then tell them something for her 
They aren’t actually related to your new daughter so I wouldn’t even let it bother me because it’s not like you’re gonna invite your exs family over for the new babys birthday.
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In that situation just talk to them, ask for clarification on if they consider “new guy” and the baby family, or you can tell them what their actual grandchildren want, and say IF they want to include the baby tell them something needed for the baby, but if you expect them to treat the new baby as their grandchild then you should remember to invite them into all of your lives, invite them to holiday celebrations, remember their son passed away which is harder on a parent than to lose a spouse. With the baby being so young it will not really matter this year or next if big sisters get something from grandma and the new baby does not. But you really should sit with the “new guy” and your late husband’s family and figure this out, personally I would hope they would jump on the chance to extend the family.
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Are you hidding me, what a cheek to even have that thought in your head… farout some people 
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I wouldn’t expect anything for the 3 month old baby.
That baby is not family to them.
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