I was extremely close to my in laws ( my ex husband’s parents ) until they passed . They did do things for my daughter who was by my 2nd Husband when she was little but they stopped after a few years . That NEVER offended me ever . She had her own two sets of grandparents . It’s just not to be expected at all . Only suggest items for your first two children
I would assume their two grandchildren and not the baby as the baby has her own grandparents that will buy for. Just say what the two girls want if the grandparents want to buy for the baby they will ask what to buy for her after you mention the two girls
I would only assume they are buying for there grandchildren it’s not there responsibility to get the new baby as well if they do that’s very generous of them but definitely shouldn’t be expected
I would say just the 2 kids that are their grandkids unless they are involved in your new baby’s life then I wouldn’t expect anything from them for her. Xx
That’s not their grandkid, why should they buy for someone else’s grandkid?
I would never expect my ex family to get anything for a babying had with someone else around selfish to me that the dad famiky job
I doubt the baby would be included.
I’m pretty sure they’re talking about the babies that are related to them. They really don’t have to get anything for the new baby because the baby still has their dad and his side of the family. If they want to include the new baby then great. If not. No hard feelings.
In this situation I would just do the girls that are related to them.
I always ask. I assumed 1 year that my in-laws were going to buy for my oldest son cause he was going to be with me for xmas but they didn’t. It was heartbreaking to say the least for my oldest and I ended up making up for it 10 times over but it still sucked. Now every year I specifically state to anyone we will be actually spending time with on Xmas to buy for all the boys or not at all. Idc if they take offense or not. I’d rather it be that than see my baby heartbroken cause he feels left out. I also carry extra gifts for him jic.
I would just tell them kid A wants this and kid B wants this… then if they’re wanting to get the baby something they will ask about her too.
I would just give the older ones lists and see if they ask for the new baby. I wouldn’t want to make them feel like they had to get her something as well, but if they want, that’s fine.
I’m kind of different I don’t agree with that I would include the new baby I’ve done this my family my son’s girlfriend’s kids lived with them and I included him as if they were my own grandchildren
Only the older 2. They might buy the baby something but they dont have to. Imagine if it was a case of divorce ur ex husband would not buy for you kid with ur new husban
It would honestly depend on their relationship with your baby. If they are active in your life and treat you as you are their daughter then it would be all three. If they are distant or only involved with the oldest two then they are all they are concerned with. My ex is still alive and all of his family have nothing to do with any of my children except for one sister. She is an aunt to all of my children. So it depends on how they are day to day in your life.
Just say daughter 1 would like this, daughter 2 would like this and daughter 3 would like this. If they plan to exclude the baby, then they don’t get for any of them
Dont assume, just ask
No, like it or not only the two oldest are their family the baby is not. So you can’t expect them to offer or get something for the baby.
Just let them know what all 3 want and let them decide if they want to get for all if they don’t then its on them and not you.
Don’t tell them anything. Let them buy whatever they would like to buy this year. If they buy for the baby then you know for next year. Or create a list for the kids on Amazon and send them a link to go from. They will be able to distinguish age appropriate items.
I would tell them what the older two want. I feel as though they would let you know as soon as you send the older kids list if they wanted to get something for the baby by asking well what about the newest addition. Something along those lines.
I would include all. And just be open minded if they dont get for new baby. Congratulations on new baby and Merry Christmas!
I would include everyone.
Just ask them! All they can do is say yes all 3 or just the 2
Maybe just include in list of stuff I’m sure they would love the new baby to
They are the two girls family, not the baby’s. The baby also has family that isn’t the two girl’s.
This is not a situation where everyone needs a “participation trophy”. As your third child grows this will become a good opportunity to teach her empathy for her sisters’ loss. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of the gifts when she’s little and once age appropriate explain to her the importance of her sisters’ recognition of their loss and that side of the family who wants to remain involved in their lives. Not enough empathy in this world as it is. Your daughters will be able to appreciate how you handled this as they grow and mature.
When you have a combined family it’s all or nothing.
I would just make a list for all 3 and let them take it from there. If they only buy for the other 2 then you know.
I’m pretty sure they are asking for their little ones they are related to.
I d buy for all so the baby doesn’t feel left out when it’s old enough to understand
Joanne Wanta I totally agree with you.
I have a son from a previous marriage and 3 kids with my hubby now and I would never ask hubby’s family to include gifts for my oldest because he is not theirs and vice versa. All my kids have their grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. and just because I married twice, doesn’t mean their family needs to be responsible for gifts for my other kids they don’t hold relations with
Well since your baby can’t say what she wants anyways…I would just say what the older two want and if they want to get the baby something they will either get her something or ask you what you need or want for her too.
Possibly write a list on a piece of paper,
Then snap a pic! it will just look like you’re sending the list you wrote for yourself and let the ball be in their court as to what they would like to do. It’s complicated and I feel like this is the best way to let them know without seeming like you expect it.
I buy for all children included in the “family” this includes my grandchildren, my step grandchildren and any children, my children’s exes new partners may have. It is complicated but the complicated relationships they are born into or brought into are not the fault of the children. I hope the writer’s ex-in laws feel the same. X
My husband has two children from a previous marriage. I have two children from a previous relationship. We have two children. My Mom is Grandma to all the kids. My husband’s ex mother in law is Grandma to all the kids. We don’t separate like that. My ex’s Mom sends things for all of the kids. Treats and what not. It isn’t expected but it is nice when all of them are included. My advice give the list for the older two and I am sure most will send something for the baby. If they don’t that is okay too. I wouldn’t over analyze it.
I can’t imagine in your situation them not including the baby…you didn’t have a nasty divorce, the whole family lost him and they’re probably happy that their girls and you are happy
Thats just me though. I would just leave it as the baby won’t understand right now but I wouldn’t be surprised at all if they sent something for her given your situation.
If there’s someone you’re super close to in the girls family I would phone them and ask. I would guess that the girls means all 3 not just “name & name”
Just ask them to clarify for you. Tell them you don’t want to assume anything and did they mean all the children or just the two?
And then be okay with their answer. They may or may not choose to include your newborn.
It depends on your relationship with them. If they see your while family often then I would assume the baby is included. If you only see them occasionally then I would not think the baby is involved. Either way babies are easy to buy for so she’s probably asking about the older ones.
The way I see it, if you make a list for 2 and then don’t include the baby- they may ASSUME that you don’t want them to include your baby and then you will assume they don’t want to include your baby.
So a very simple communicated question would clear all of this up and save yourself from so many assumed feelings.
I think its something that is special for your late husbands family and and the 2 girls. the girls are all they have left of him and so what they send them should be special thing for them. if they go out of their way to buy you your spouse and new child something that is a nice gesture but shouldn’t be expected.
A newborn is fairly easy to shop for. I would just give them a list for the older 2. If they meant her as well, then they’ll ask, or they’ll just get her something anyway. If they don’t include her, then you’ll know for next time.
I lost my mom when I was a kid. My dad remarried and had 2 other kids with his new wife. My mom’s parents never bought gifts for my dad’s other 2 kids and he never expected them to because they’re not their grandkids.
My children have different bloodlines and a lot of families. Each and every family accepts all my children as their own and no difference is made. If my children weren’t accepted we wouldn’t be in that family. My children are all siblings we don’t do step and half in our family. Blood doesn’t make a family…love does.
I was in this same situation as you losing my first husband. Except I have two boys and my now husband has two girls from a previous marriage. My first husband’s parent have always included my current husband’s children. They are so good to them. I didn’t expect them too but sure makes my heart happy they do. We call them their adopted grandchildren/grandparents. Lol
Never assume or expect anything for the new baby…I know they’re happy for you and all, but your daughters are all they have left of their son.
Instead of asking us, ask THEM?! “I don’t want to assume, so I need to ask, when you ask me, ‘What do the girls want for Christmas,’ are you also asking about my 3 month old?” Tada! But seeing as a three month old can’t respond to the question, “What do you want for Christmas?” I’d say it’s safe to assume they mean their blood relations. They have no ties to your 3 month old, so why you feel they should include her is beyond me. Your new daughter has grandparents of her own.
My suggestion is to ask them, nicely, if they meant all 3 children or only the older 2? And I would make it perfectly clear that you do not expect them to buy for the baby nor would there be any hard feelings if they choose not to. Don’t play games, Don’t be passive aggressive, don’t snap a picture of a list for all three children and let it go at that. Be an adult and be honest.
I’m reading it as you have three daughters total and they asked what does the girls want , I’m assuming they’re including the baby as well. That would be pretty messed up if they weren’t
I would just answer for their biological grandkids and see if they probe more for the newborn. The newborn won’t know the difference so if they end up not getting for them then it’s no harm done.
Or you could just say, they’ll be happy with anything, or a vague clothes would work or something along those lines.
I have a son from a previous relationship and 3 girls with my husband. I always include my girls when they ask about my son. They now say “grand babies” and “how are the kids” some grandparents wait for mom and/or dad to make the first move like that.
I would Just tell them the other two, and if they ask what about the baby, they do. But if not, Don’t stress.
They specifically said “the girls”…
Just let them enjoy there grandchildren. If they decide to enclosed the other one that’s up to them it wouldn’t be fair to ask them to though.
Nothing wrong with asking them. You’re all adults.
I would honestly send/text them a list for each child. Then the ball is in their court.
I wouldn’t over think it. Just send them what the 2 older children need/ want.
Unless they offer id say not to assume that
I wouldn’t expect them to buy for the baby. I wouldn’t even mention it.
I’d just say what your older kids like, wouldn’t want to cause unnecessary conflict over a few toys😊
Have a gift ready in case they don’t get one for her
My granddaughters have a little sister and brother. I treat them just like my granddaughters. I am Grandma Carol to them
It’s not their grandchild…
Clearly your 3 month old can not say what she/he wants for Christmas. I’m not sure why you’re making an issue out of this when a 3 month old does not understand christmas. I would not hold these grandparents accountable for buying your new baby gifts right now
Id just send list a of a few different toys & see what arrives
Wait until next Christmas…
There are no perfect answers. If it were me, I would let them know what the older 2 daughters want and wait for them to ask about the baby. I have been in a similar situation and my late husbands family have always included my youngest child.
I would just tell her the 2 from your husband. And if she asks about the baby then tell. Because not everyone is comfortable with blending families. I know my family is having a hard to meet with it. I have a little girl and my new bf has 3 kids from his previous wife and his kids are allot older than my daughter. And my mom is having some trouble with including them (mostly due to the fact that they aren’t always nice to my daughter and it bothers her so much but we are working on it) but she tries. I just try to let her come to terms with it on her own. We’ve only been together for a little over a year so Ik it’s gonna take time. And I don’t want to push. But that’s just my opinion.
I hope they include your baby but if not don’t fret. The baby is 3 months old and has no idea what’s going on.
If they asked, tell them what ALL the girls would like! I’m sure they want to include the sister of these precious girls! I know I would! Especially since you seem to be on good terms. If you tell them what the baby would like and they say they are not including her, you can address the issue then. No reason to assume the worst. Just curious, is your new husbands family accepting of your girls? I don’t know anyone who does not include ALL of the children in ALL celebrations! They are family regardless of blood!
Im sure they mean all, if they are decent people they will mean all, do you get on? If so defiantly all, i couldnt leave one out mine or not xxx
Your family should get for the new baby or your boyfriends people
Answer the question asked. They’re not obligated to purchase anything for the baby. The baby won’t know the difference or be offended.
Most adults would include the new baby. Not out of obligation, but courtesy. I’m sure that your new partners family includes the older ones don’t they?
They should as the baby is their granddaughters sister it would be sad not to include the baby
They might not have asked because its super easy to buy for a baby but as they get older its harder.
The older girls are THEIR family. Dont expect something for a new baby thats up to the baby’s dads family to provide that.
The older ones are probably the only thing they have left of their son or the grandparents is all the kids have left . Let them spend money on their biological grandkids.
Your new baby has its own set of grandparents.
If that was your parents that would be different I would say that they should include everybody because that is part of your new family. But they lost their son and those grandbabies are all they have left of them I think eventually they might come to terms with having another grandchild by default basically you know it’s not by blood but they have another one but right now I think that maybe you should just let them get the older to something
Babies don’t really need Christmas gifts
I’d send the list for the 2 girls. If they want to get the baby something they will reply with anything for the new baby?
I would assume they’re not including the baby & that’s fine. Don’t let it bother you.
She isn’t their grandchild so there for she isn’t entitled to anything, my 9 year old daughters father passed away when she was 9 months old, my now partner have 2 kids together who are 6 and 4 and there is no way I would even think of letting my daughters grandmother buy my other 2 kids gifts and the 2 kids don’t even have a grandmother on their dads side. Not everyone is greedy.
I’d only answer them in the regards to the older 2. If they say what about the baby, then add them in. I wouldn’t assume they’d want to buy for all 3 when the one isn’t actually related. I know when my kids ask why my step kids mom send their Christmas presents home, I remind them that that is their siblings family and theirs…
I would assume just the older girls.
Only the older two. They wanna buy for their grandchildren.
I personaly would have just bought small present for the baby i dont like leaving kids out even as babies xx
Older ones, the new baby isn’t their grandchild. I understand that is their younger sister, but I wouldn’t expect my son’s Nan (on his dad’s side) to get anything for my new son arriving (different dad).
I wouldn’t expect a thing for the new baby… just the older 2.
Is the new baby’s grandparents buying gifts for your other children? I’m just curious
Personally I wouldn’t have a problem if they did or they didn’t.
Everyone keeps saying that’s not their grandchild, but I feel completely different about the whole situation, being raised as the stepchild to the entire family. Nobody will treat my children differently period. I know that feeling all too well and it’s not a good place to be.
Just give a response for the older kiddos. They may ask about baby. Or in all fairness, it’s not difficult to buy a baby toy or teething stuff. I have a family member that I asked about her 2 oldest and not the baby. Because the baby doesn’t have a favorite color or character or anything to ask for. So I already knew I was getting a baby toy.
Im in this spot i have new grandbaby that not my sons i will buy for him to show i do love all kids and still buy for him but kids should allso be told facts of life they both have different grandparents will not allways be equel
No kid should ever not feel loved…
Send list for two girls. We had half brothers and sisters growing up .my grandmother didn’t buy for them . it wasn’t expected.
Just ask and say you don’t want to assume. If it’s just for the older, can you and your so get more for the baby, so it’s still kinda even?!
I would give list for the 2 girls and if they mean baby as well they will ask you
No I don’t think they should include your new baby. That is not their grandchild and they are still wanting to have a part in your eldest daughters lives and I would just be glad they are still apart of their lives.