My child’s “father” tries to blame me as to why he doesn’t see our child. He says I keep the Child from him but that isn’t true. I tell him he can visit with me and my family (my husband, daughter) around (my son with him is only 2 and I don’t want to send him off with a total stranger as they have never met). He doesn’t want to do that. He also doesn’t have a car seat, any clothing, or his own house for my son. He owes 5,000+ in child support, he has never done anything for my son at all. He says he should be able to take him because that’s his kid too. I won’t allow that because my two year old doesn’t know him at all, and I just don’t trust him. I’m afraid he wouldn’t bring him back at an agreed time considering he lies about everything else and I have no idea who he would have my child around, he won’t even tell me where he lives. He doesn’t care enough to go to court to get an agreement set. Yet it is my fault he can’t see him and I’m a “bitter” mother……What’s your thoughts?
Go to your local legal aid, tell them the situation, and if you have proof of the child support that was set in place, bring that too. Anything that you have gotten approved in the past or what he tells you about why, it may be painful to bring up, but tell them why y’all are not together.
You go to the courthouse and file for custody then go from there
Get to court and get custody arrangements
I think you are 100% right
Go to court and have it sorted out.
Let him take you to court.
If he does nothing for your child and he clearly isn’t worried enough to get it together and file for custody why are you still in contact? Block his number and if he does ever want to see his child he can go through court.
my thoughts is he really isn’t invested, doesn’t really care to see his son, and just wants someone to blame. Seeing as he isn’t motivated to take you to court, stand your ground and do NOT allow that kid to go with him, anywhere.
I hate to say it but welcome to the club… you will have to do all the work you will have to file child support if that’s what you want or you will have to file for custody and visitation arrangements… rather he wants to or agrees or not
Sounds ohhh SOoo familiar! MY daughter had a samiliar problem w her youngest and his father!! He told him,that was the only way he could see him or wait til the child can talk to give her details!!
Sounds ominous I would do what these other people suggest-seen to many bad situations where absent parent does really horrible things!
If he takes you too court he will get him unsupervised!
You have not right saying he cant see him alone
You are a selfish person (mother)
All narcs do this. Let your mother instinct guide you. That will keep your baby safe
Uhhh first of all, you cannot deny him rights to see his child. Whether he owes child support or not!
If you’re that worried he wouldn’t bring y’alls offspring back, take it to court and have it supervised visits!
Sorry but you saying you won’t let him see his kid cuz he owes child support is pretty petty and selfish.
So with no parenting plan or custody agreement if he takes him and doesn’t bring him back you wouldnt be able to get him back…until you go to court. They will tell you its a civil matter. Just a thought
If he has never met the child, and never paid child support, file for your husband to adopt him and go through the courts. Make sure to check your states requirements for abandonment first.
Just so you know….: most missing children in America have been taken by the other parent. Let him take you to court!
Thats a deadbeat thing… My kids father hasnt seen him in over a year and a half. Never calls… Including birthday or holidays, 10,000 behind in child support. Thats his famous line too. 
my kid dislikes his father. Thats enough for my happiness.
Go to court have it set to do supervised visits to start and see how that goes and explain to the judge why u want to do it that way
Go to family court so he cannot have him even for visits
Id write that sucker off and not waste another moment worrying bout him. He has serious issues, and needs to grow up if he wants a relationship with the child.
If he won’t visit per you requirements tell him to get a lawyer. 2 years and he doesn’t know his kid… he don’t deserve to.
Go to court and get a parenting plan in stone… you also can’t deny access just cause he owes support.
I would get an attorney. I did this, I had a parenting plan. And because I didn’t file a motion to restrict I got in trouble and because of that one mistake 4 years later still fighting to have supervise visitations.
My ex did the exact same thing, with all 3 of his baby mama’s. Talked badly about us, tried to make us look crazy and vindictive and money-grubbing whores. In reality, he never bothered with his children, unless he had a new girlfriend. Then he was the world’s best father and he just “wanted to see his babies”. Sounds like yours is the same… narcissistic and a bad parent. Take it to the courts, it really will work out best for you. He can spin it whatever way he wants, if you come with receipts to back you up. Then he won’t stand a chance. He may get visitation but my guess is, he won’t follow throw with it.
Support and parenting time are two absolutely different matters. They do not go had in hand. You cannot deny him his rights. It is just as much as his child as yours and you are doing your son a huge disservice by behaving this way.
The court will not allow your family, husband and other children,to be present if they order the visitation and it is inevitable that he will be given overnights and able to take him on his own. Everything you are doing now will simply show the court that you are unwilling to be a fair coparent parent.
Don’t let him take the child
Get it all in writing with a court order. Ten years from now your son will not know who to believe when his dad tells him lies.
Let him take you to court they will also make him build a relationship with the child before he can just take the child on his own. But do understand when/if he does take you to court you can not control where they go or who they are around while he has his parenting time.
All he’s trying to do is justify his actions. It’s easier for him to blame you than be accountable for himself and his actions.
I went through this with my ex-husband. He hasn’t see “his son” in 10 years. He paid child support, because the state enforced it, but other than that has had nothing to do with him. Every 3 years I get a letter from the state asking if I want a redetermination done for child support. I ignored the first two I got. The last one, I signed and sent back. I figured after 9 years, it was time to reevaluate. When we went in for it, he made a scene, calling me trash and saying I kept him from his son. No judge in their right mind will deny, at minimum, visitation to a father that wants to be involved. These so called fathers just don’t care. If they did, they would do whatever to be with their children.
Side note, I do believe that if a man tries to be there, he should be allowed to be there ( by the mother) but even if the mother won’t allow it, a court would. That just means the man has to take initiative.
You are right, continue on with your what your doing
Do not send him without a court order. Get custody and visitation legally established. With no order, he can refuse to return the kid as he has equal parental rights and law enforcement will not get involved.
go to court and get supervised visitations! i agree with not allowing ur child to go with a “stranger” regardless if it’s his father or not. i went through the same thing when my son was younger.
If there’s no custody order in place I would not let him see him until there is, otherwise he could keep him.
Do Not Let Him Take That Baby.
Tell him to take you to court.
Why are you worried about what he thinks, sticks & stones. He can go by your rules or take you to court. He’s abandoned him already.
Trust ya gut darling…
Go to court. If he takes him he doesn’t have to return him legally until you go to court. You’re doing the right thing
Don’t do a thing without a court order. Everything needs to be written and in order first. Without that he can take his child and leave with him then you would have to go thru the courts to get him back.
I can’t give a full opinion on this since it’s your side/perspective and not every detail of the situation. I will say as long as EVERYTHING you are doing and not doing, allowing him to do or not do is all for the best interest of the child then stick to it. These issues don’t even have a set in stone step by step in any court in any state. When they say every situation is different the fuckin mean it. Tiny details set each apart. The only thing that’s for sure across the board is the the best interest of the child is the primary focus.
Stop all communication with him. Let him figure it out and no he would not take my child anywhere. I have a granddaughter going through this she allowed her son to go for 2 days came home with his bottom so red it was burning him. That’s a big hell no. Not anymore.
Take him to court and get custody arrangements. If you don’t and you give the child to him, legally he doesn’t have to give the child back. With a custody agreement, you can have him arrested.
I am literally feeling this post and also loving the fact that most people commenting have neglected a half of the information
You can’t control everything, maybe suggest having a neutral person supervise since he doesn’t want to visit around your family which by the way is fair enough. You take him to court for visitation and then he can’t blame you anymore
I would not let him see him until you go to court and have a custody agreement in place
DO NOT let your baby go off anywhere with him until you get a court order. Because without that he can keep him if you let him go off with him and you won’t be able to get him back if he decides to be an ass without taking him to court. I don’t care how he feels he obviously isn’t responsible for that child from what you say anyways.
You’re doing the right thing hun 
Don’t do anything without a court order
He should go to court. That’s his best chance to bypass your personal feelings about whether he can be a parent or not. If he has the desire to be a dad to his child you could be a lil more willing to give it a shot and try to facilitate visits that are reasonable and not awkward.
You don’t need his permission to get a court ordered visitation. If he doesn’t show, judge will deny his visitation
I’d block him and move on with my life. Let him blame you all he wants. You know the truth and that’s all that matters.
Lawyer up and tell that guy to contact your lawyer if he wants to discuss anything, give him the number, and hang up.
How about you file for visitation and get the order for supervised visits. He can’t call you bitter if you’re the one who did the paperwork, it’s all on him at that point.
If he’s not on the birth cert, tell him to kick rocks. If he is, apply for full, sole custody because of abandonment and then go after him for child support. If there’s already an order for cs, report him for not paying.
Don’t let that baby out of your sight
File a motion and bring it to the judge
Why has it took him 2yrs?
He can say whatever he likes to make himself look better. Just ignore him and only contact him if it has to do with your son. Let him step up and take the steps to be able to see him. Come for small visits, be consistent and go to court. He doesn’t want to put in any effort so he obviously doesn’t care. No matter what you do or say I’m sure he will find some way to spin it to make him look like the victim, don’t let him manipulate you.
Judge will probably recommend supervised visits. Depends on where but if he misses so many then he goes back to court and is held accountable. This is the only option you truly have because he doesn’t want to cooperate, and if he still doesn’t even after court then you have the right to ask for full custody and he can go on his merry way.
He just wants a sob story and an excuse
If he wants to spend time with him that badly, he can go to court, and get set visitation. Do you have legal custody thru the court, if not you need to get that set. He has probably found out that since court custody has not been established, he can take that child disappear, and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it. If he files for visitation, you can put whatever you want in the court order, such as he must provide you with an address, notify you within so many days of an address change, make pick up and drop off at a police substation, whatever you want. Obviously you have been keeping him from his father if he’s 2 and has never met him…
Id say if hes never met his 2yo child he has no right to make demands. Id say he abandoned his child
If his name is on the boys birth certificate id be going to court for full custody of my child with supervised visits for dad then its up to him to keep those visits and get to know his child…no way id be sending my baby anywhere with a stranger. After 2 years of no contact hes not a dad…hes a sperm doner
Your child is NOT a piece of property.
Don’t let him take your child without a custody agreement
Stick to your guns! If he wants visitation tell him to go to court!
This is y i claimed my sons father as unknown, and never seeked child support. My choice to have him. After 4 years his father said he wanted to be in his life but never tried. 18 yrs later he never met him. His loss! My gain!
If he knows where ya live i would send him a last message that he is welcome anytime at your house and that you are no longer gonna contact him through the phone and if he wants to see his child he can come see his child at your house. Then what ever he sends just ignore until he says he is gonna come
Tell him to take u to court
Don’t let him take your son without a custody agreement. He can keep him and the cops won’t do anything about it. If you and him can agree to a parenting plan, you don’t even need to go to court. Just fill it out, get it notarized, and turn it into the court and once the judge approved it your all set
Sounds like he’s an narcissist to me. I been dealing with this for years. Tell him to take you to court.
I would tell him to make a court date.
You could also maybe take your son without the extra people to the park and meet for an hour and slowly get them to know each other.
Because eventually if he has any balls and makes a court date the judge will let him see his child ( I’m sure at first will be supervised & he will have to tell you where he lives) or tell him to sign off and have your husband adopt
If your child doesn’t know him he needs to spend the time and effort in getting to know his child but as for who your child is around and not having clothes or a carseat if he knew his child it would be easier to just supply the seat til he could get one same with clothes and unfortunately you can’t control who the child is around when his in his father’s care I get where your coming from 100% tho but you can go to court and do visitation for him but due to your son not knowing him it will probably be supervised until your child knows his father and they feel comfortable that he is looking after his every needs and able to supply the essentials the child needs
Let it keep being “your fault” and dont let that man walk off with your child you might never see him again .if he wants to hang out with you guys fine just don’t let him leave with that baby
Ignore him. Let him take it to court.
Just guilting you for his own dumb choices. You have given him availability, if he really wants a relationship he can start there. He just wants attention from you; he can’t get the good anymore so he’ll take the bad. Sad state. Good luck.
Nah bro your good. Tell him to go thru the courts if he doesn’t like your limits and boundaries and reasoning.
The “father” sounds like a child! If he can’t get his stuff together then he’s not responsible enough to be in his life!
He wouldn’t get a response out of me, no court order, no visit
Also when he tries that bitter baby mama BS … Just don’t accept it. Say out loud “I do not accept this” cause your not. He doesn’t even deserve the amount of your time it took to type this out
No. If he’s not going to court he doesn’t care or doesn’t want a legal trace showing he had the kid
If you don’t have a court order that says you have custody don’t let him go because he doesn’t have to bring him back! The courts will make him tell you where he lives and where your child will be during visits. But they would start with supervised visits since they have never even met. But since he doesn’t want to go to court then he can’t see him unsupervised.
Fine for custody. He’ll probably get standard parenting time and you have no control over that. He has to hang out with you and your husband to see the kid? Awkward
Nah he’s good. If he wanted to see his kid enough he’d make a point to show up nomatter the stipulations to seeing him. Definitely agree with not sending your son off with a complete stranger. Let it be your fault. You know you’re doing what’s right.
Your doing the right thing by your baby!
Get it in writing in court for your sanity. That way there are clear expectations.
Stick to your guns make him get a custody order the courts will probably start them off supervised
Get a lawyer if possible to get it settled with him just my thoughts but I wouldn’t let him take your son anywhere I wish u lots of luck with your choice
Trust your instincts. If I was in your situation I wouldn’t let him take my child either. And without an arrangement he has no say so really who cares what he says.
Document everything.
If he wanted to see him, he would take it to court.
If he’s not willing to take it to court, he most likely is putting on a show for someone. Wether it’s his own parents, friends or a girlfriend
Don’t take that baby over there…baby doesn’t know him from Adam…he could try to kidnap him…so as not to have to fork over that child support…out of the question…as to this child going to visit a man you don’t know where he lives or nothing…hell to the no…
Same situation, f em
Mine is very similar. He has access through a third party (his mother, who he lives with and sees everyday) to see mine anytime, just has to say the word. Owes over 40 000 in support I’ll never see, tells everyone who will listen that I keep the kids from him although he said to me (before the restraining order) that he officially abandoned the kids and doesn’t want to see them or speak to them or hear from or about them ever again because I won’t be in a relationship with him. Just try to shrug off his nonsense excuses, those who know you and your situation know the truth. Sucks for the kids though, I can tell you from experience that it’s traumatic for them. I wish these kinds of “parents” had some harsher consequences or some mandatory education on loving their kids…it’s unfortunate. Sucks having the road think you’re the bad guy when you’re doing what you can to accommodate. I suggest setting up a third party or separate place for him to visit the kids where he can also be comfortable. If he chooses not to see them after that, then it’s out of your hands and true colours will be shining bright.
Don’t even bother he can’t be bothered to at least visit the child
Good job Mom keep protecting your baby, where’s his effort as a parent. He seems like the type that put on a show they want their kids but either don’t show up or when they get the child they will take a few pics for show and dump the kid on the grandparents etc. Trust your instincts as his mother. Get a lawyer asap
I’d do the same!! If he REALLY wanted to see his child, he would take any opportunity or have his butt in court to set some terms!! Keep doing you mama!! Protect your baby
Tell him see ya in court. Don’t do anything before u get before a judge.
A man who wants to see his child, will see his child. Point blank period. A POS donor will blame everyone else for why they are slacking.
That’s on him. He agrees to your terms or no visit.
Oh no. I’d move and wouldn’t tell him where. He sounds like he’s just trying to aggravate you. He don’t care about that baby. I think you’re making the right choice