Be very careful. If it goes to court they could go for parental alienation which is eligible. I suggest getting a lawyer.
If he files for visitation looking a strict step up schedule!
Communicate thru text , make him look bad… get evidence… make yourself look pretty for a judge
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Tell him if he has a problem with you protecting your child, then:fu:t3:
take you to court!! He’s a complete stranger to your son.
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Typical deadbeat. Tell him if he wants his son that bad to take you to court. He will run for the hills.
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Let him talk. If he was serious about being a father then he would be paying his child support and exercising his rights as a parent but he’s not. You have raised the child so his options are irrelevant. And you are right in many states without custody already established he could possibly take off with the child and you would have to wait months for court to even see him. I don’t blame ya one bit
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I don’t see why he can’t take his son to a park near by.
He should go to court to get visitations that way it’s not completely being ran by you. No one wants to be watched with there child that’s awkward, especially with you and your new man. Then you can also have piece and mind that he can’t run off with your son and he gets to be himself and chill with his son comfortably without being monitored.
He should definitely get some clothes and necessities for his son and his own place so he can have his boy over night.
He gotta start somewhere though. I wouldn’t trip on the child support as of right now. I would be more concerned with trying to create a bond so my son has his bio dad in his life.
Obviously he will have to start with supervised Visits so his son can get used to him but then you gotta pull the bandaid off and let him be a dad
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He’s a dick. You’re in the right.
I’m not sure why you’re in communication at all.
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If he wanted to see him enough he’d be smart and go to court.
He should be allowed to see his son and spend time with him without your family there. Especially since he hasn’t seen him before. This will be new for everyone. Having your husband and other kids there wouldn’t be normal visitation if he was in your child’s life and could take him for weekends etc.
under the circumstances I agree you can’t allow the father to have visits without you there. So arrange a mutual place to meet and just you and his son visit with him at a park or restaurant etc
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Bn n that situation before! He didn’t want to do anything for his son bc I finally got out of the abusive relationship with him. So he told so many pathetic lies on me to his family n other ppl that I wouldn’t let him get my son. Some of them believed him especially his family. When all he was trying to do was hurt me n get out of his responsibilities. I would ask ppl y wouldn’t I let him get his son as bad as I need a break? I personally wouldn’t let my child go with him bc u never know what’s on his mind especially when he’s so far behind on CS. Plus he’s a total complete stranger to him. I wouldn’t let him go either until he gets himself together n can provide for him properly.
If there are no court orders in place, technically he has legal right to take him. You do not need him to attend court in order to get a legal plan put in place. If he chooses to not show or contest court will grant you what you are asking for.
Their are services that can providing monitoring services if need be.
Withholding your son from his father due to back child support does not seem fair to me. That’s is an adult issue and the child should not be used as a pawn. (Not saying you are doing that ) He should contribute, most definitely. Your son will never get to know his father if not provided an opportunity. He may feel like he is being judged if the visits have to happen under you and your husbands supervision, use an outside agency that will remain neutral until your son becomes comfortable in his fathers presence.
I’m with you. He’d have to be supervised.
If he doesn’t file for visitation he doesn’t see the child. That way custody is established, rules are in place & there’s a way to enforce. Of course he blames you & says you’re keeping his son from you. Hes putting the responsibility on you so he doesn’t have any regulation or enforcement. My ex tried saying that in court. The judge said “you never applied for visitation” he said "I know but & started CRYING 
. Judge told him that I wasn’t keeping him from his kids, he was by not filing. Just stop communicating with him all together. If he’s serious about being a father he will do it legally. Others will tell you “it’s his kid too…” & Try to guilt you into enabling him. Stand your ground. He doesn’t see him until he files.
Draw up a parenting plan and take him to court
Of course the child deserves to see his father, good lord.
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Tell him to take you to court. He isn’t going to step foot in a courthouse or Friend of the Court they’ll throw him right in jail for being behind on child support. He’s the one who hasn’t been there he’s the one who’s made no effort he’s the one who doesn’t pay your in control.
He shouldn’t get no access to the baby unless it’s court documented. Most of the time the judge will set boundaries especially since they’ve never met. Yes eventually he can visit with them two alone but for now it is better if u are there with them or he has supervised visits
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Get everything sorted legally first off. They can help with access etc are there supervised access centre’s where you are?
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Nope. Not without court agreement. Otherwise he can take the kiddo and never bring back. Then you would have to fight for custody to get him back.
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If a father is asking to see his child and you denying him based on your “assumptions “ of him not having a home or clothes that is wrong. He can use that against you in court and you’ll look bad. If he is in danger to himself or others or a drug addict and you can physically prove it than that’s different, other than that he shouldn’t be treated like a criminal just because he wants to see his child.
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Call an attorney. In some states, if there’s no custodial order, then both parents can legally take the child. Find out what you need to do to protect him.
Stand your ground Momma. Good for you. And even if he went to court I’d ask for supersized visits.
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Good luck. I am all for co parenting. But if he’s never even met his son then I’d suggest going to court so that you have some security
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You don’t send the child off with his father. Very important. Supervised with you until a court order is in place. Without one he can take the child and not return him and there would be nothing you can do about it. Let him put forth the effort to file for visitation and take the parenting classes and start paying child support. Let him do the work to make it happen.
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If he doesn’t want to draw up the court papers with you for supervision visition that’s on him or you can do it. You need to get parenting time set up with the courts asap so he can’t just run off with him.It’s not your fault it’s his for not staying in there lives. He doesn’t need a lawyer to get visition especially if you agree on it.
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Look into reintegration therapy. Go and get a court order and have everything documented through there. Without anything in ink he absolutely can take the Child without having to return him.
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It’s his problem not yours, shut him off just state he can visit his son when he makes a appt at your home or park, he is a whiner and will never be dependable,if his family ask tell them the truth and hang up
Simple…. Let the court decide… less stress for you that way
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I have been there done that… and regret my choice for keeping a promise to my sons father. I told him I’d never take our son out of his life, 1st time he laid eyes on our son he was 3 months old, I always would stop by were I knew he last frequented to leave off a note of updated addresses phone numbers and photos, he got them all and rarely reached out the 2nd time our son was 3 ( still no child support at this point) I let him take him as they got along real well but then again he told me where would even call me and allow me to call to check up on him. Then didn’t see him again for a year afterwards when he had a new flavor of the month he did this so often until I said look either be consistent or do bother because it’s causing the child issues, now let’s fast forward to my son at the age of 27 he tells me how he wishes I would have kept his father away from him and how it’s really messed with his head, I get to live with regret of keeping a promise which my son understands but hates that I stuck to my word. Good luck 
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Sounds very one sided to me. But how do you know how the child will be with the father if you never let him take him? You yourself could tell Dad that if an issue arrises give me a call. No one gets to know anyone by being kept away from them. Paid child support or not he deserves to see his child without you or any of your family around.
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How can he be comfortable with his child if he’s not able to see them . He has a right to see his child. Maybe short visits at first . Give him the chance .
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Time spent is way more important than money. He was good enough to lie down with but not good enough to coparent with…
Get him a carseat. Help him out. Put your child, first.
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Do not worry about him
Unless the child would be in danger with the father, a judge would most likely say that he should be allowed to take him. When I went to court with my first son’s father I told the magistrate about the area he was living in and that there had been a lot of drinking and drug use at his home. The apartment next to his had just recently had the window shot out in a drive by. The magistrate agreed with me and said we can try supervised visitation and if it went well we would revisit the idea of him taking my son elsewhere. The “father” showed up for 4 visits and never came back. So I am pretty sure unless he would be in danger he would be allowed to take him but maybe a magistrate or judge would side with you if they feel sympathetic for your case and see that he doesn’t pay support. Let him bring you to court. If it’s important to him, he will do it. But until then make sure the offer is still open for him to see the child with you there. It seems that you are trying to make this difficult for him but I will give you the benefit of the doubt and maybe the child’s father is dangerous.
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Protect that child at all costs you are right the baby doesnt know him dont even question yourself you are right stay strong wishing your family the best
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Obviously doesn’t have your childs best interest at heart… keep protecting and being a good Momma… hopefully he’ll grow up and be a good Dad, eventually…
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That’s his father and he needs a dad just as much as he needs his mom. Unless there is a substantial reason , you shouldn’t keep this child from his father. And if you do, this child has a right to hate you growing up!! Because you didn’t even give them a chance to have a relationship
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I would document every time he asks to visit and your response. So, when you go to court, you have proof of what you’ve offered. If you want supervised visits, is there someone else you trust that can stand in for you so your whole family doesn’t have to be there with him?
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Bring him to court
With supervisor visits
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Your child has rights
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To everyone saying to keep the dad away…so does the son not have a right to know his dad? Even if you meet at a park for an hour a couple times a week. The child will never know his father if you don’t let them meet. Nor would I press the court issue because I can literally guarantee he will get weekends with him. Try to meet in the middle. Don’t keep him from his child.
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If he cared he’d help support him.
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Um over 5000 you get a warrant out on ya and can go to jail. He obviously doesn’t care too much or he would agree
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Have him make a court date. If he is serious about finally meeting his son, he will do what the court tells him to do. It will probably be supervised visits with someone from the courts, to see how the two interact. Then maybe supervised visit with someone you both agree to. There is no way in hell I would send my child with him. He knows nothing of your child & you know nothing about him.
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Document everything-- every text, convo, ect. He isn’t putting in the work to do what he needs to do to provide a home and be a provider for his son. If it ever went to court, at the stage he is at, they would never allow overnight visitation. Personally, I would go to court to petition for full custodial parent rights while he isn’t prepared and while your son is younger.
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So I don’t normally comment on these types of posts but the amount of people on here calling this mom selfish is outstanding to me. I’d like to see a show of hands how many of you would allow your 2 YEAR OLD, to go with a complete stranger (to the child) to an unknown location knowing said person has no means to provide what the child may need. If you can’t look at your baby, and say you would you hand your child over to someone they’ve never met and not know where they are going or when they are coming back, sit down. I fully support fathers right but in this situation based if the info she provided, no way in hell would I let my 2 year go with him without even meeting in person and any father who truly cares about their child’s well being, emotional well being included, would jump at the opportunity to meet him, in any setting. And come for me if you must, but the child support DOES matter. For him to be 5k in debt, that means he hasn’t helped a dime of care for this child. I’m sorry but Parenting is more then just contributing to this child’s dna. Document everything mama, offer alternative options, as someone mentioned above, a public place would be good. He may be uneasy around your spouse. If he continues to decline, let him talk his talk and you keep on taking care of your baby.
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Meet at a play ground let them play and get comfortable as baby becomes more comfortable you can turn your attention to a little one on one time with hubby and daughter. Then 2nd time together can be a little more freedom. They adjust fast. Maybe bring a favorite toy or helium balloon on kite string something to catch his attention to want to play with his dad. It’s a tough spot to be in… but it’s his dad he will be ok
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He won’t go to court to get an agreement so there’s that! Nothing else for you to do here. 
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Why haven’t you gone to court to get the child support and have a judgement done?
I don’t think he should have to sit there with you and your husband watching him… let him take the baby to a nearby park, or just you and the baby go to a park with him, or his family, his mothers etc.
He’s trying now, and you’re denying it. He maybe can’t afford to go to court to get an agreement so you take him and have it done, this way there’s a judgement set and he can’t just take the kid and not return him.
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Protect your child at all costs. Period.
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Ever deadbeat sperm donor calls the mother “bitter”
keep that foot down mama!!!
proud of you!
seriously do not let him have your child unless its supervised visits, period.
document everything bc any judge will see that he is wrong and if he “kidnaps” your child, you will have to fight for child…
get signed documents done so this doesnt happen
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No, you are not wrong.
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Best to continue to protect your son. If he wants visitation he can partition the courts for s
Visitation. Document your conversations, DATE TIME AND WHAT TRANSPIRED IN EACH CONVERSATION. TRUST ME YOU NEED TO DO THIS. GOOD LUCK
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Do you have a court order about the amount of child support he should be paying? If he owes 5K+ I’m thinking you do? If so, turn it over to Child Support Enforcement and they will go after him for the money. No judge would allow him to take a 2 year old child that doesn’t even know him, he has to have a safe home and all the things he needs for the child. Don’t let him gaslight you, you have offered visitation and he’s declined it, that’s on him and not you.
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You go to court snd create An agreement. If he refuses to go you make it how you want to.
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Take him to court for back child support. If he can’t pay maybe your husband will adopt him
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I don’t normally comment … but do what’s best for your child! Help him get to know his dad… make sure he has what he needs… maybe if you talk to him and suggest meetings at a park or something you and the child noone else needs to be there unless you are afraid for your safety then you go to court and get supervised visits pick up and drop off in a public place such as police station!! But just because he owes child support doest mean he shouldn’t see his child!
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Go through the proper legal channels and establish through the courts or being he hasn’t been there and owes back support; suggest he sign off his parental rights.
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If he wants visitation that bad he’d try to take you to court. Keep a record of everything and don’t worry about him.
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Literally save EVERYTHING. Everything between you two, texts emails call logs everything… Call the courthouse and see how long it would take for abandonment to set in from an estranged parent and if it’s been longer than the amount of time given, take his ass to court and make sure he’s required to pay fees. Depends on the judge and the laws where you live but you can get full custody so he can never do anything without your say AND require supervised visitation at a safe location where the child feels comfortable. Do not let him get to you. He has absolutely no ground to stand on with this. You have all the power, so use it. You know what’s best for your child! Don’t let him make you question yourself.
He is not being a father to his son. He can’t afford him either. Maybe catch up on child support would be a good way to start.
U have every right ur being a great mom
Take him to court, before something happens and you can’t get him back.weather he agrees or not let a judge and lawyer make it legal you are soul caregiver.it may not go all the way you want,but it will be documented.
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Until he can prove he is responsible, I agree with mom! Your the boss.
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You gave him chances, don’t let him manipulate you in to feeling guilty for being a good mother.
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Screw all of that. Don’t let him get in your head and make you feel like you’re in the wrong. You have no idea what he would do with him, where he would take him, etc. He’s never supported him, he’s never taken care of him, you have no idea how he would react if the child started inconsolably crying (because at 2 he most definitely will, and probably more so without his mother around and he’s with some random stranger) I wouldn’t trust the dude with a rock. Point blank TEXT him (text so you have PROOF of the conversation!!!) “You’ve never supported him, you’ve never met him, It would be irresponsible of me to allow you to take him when you have never interacted with him in his life, to an undisclosed location because you refuse to inform me of where you live. I try offering you to come visit him with my supervision but you are unwilling to compromise. If you want to continue this conversation, then me to court”. If he starts talking shit, tell him “I’m done with this argument, please stop harassing me. Like I said, you can have a supervised visit with me there or you can take me to court”. And if he keeps arguing, inform him that you will call the police for harassment. TEXT all of this though! For proof in case he ever tries to take you to court! And if he does, make sure you request supervised visitation.
Block him. Change your number. Since he can’t be a good Dad, he can wait till your son is old enough and decides if he wants to know his father.
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Both y’all should grow up. If the well being of your child is that important…take it to court and let a judge decide. Nobody wants to visit their child at the other parents house with them around. Again if safety is a concern. There’s programs and resources out there If a judge feels fit for him to have supervised visits by someone other then you
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Get a court order! Legally he can take him, You need something official.
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A plus for you. Don’t give your precious Angel to just any one.He is not being a father.
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Stand your ground!!!
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No you don’t need to take him to court unless he takes you to court and do not let anyone pick him up from daycare or anything besides you and make it be known no one can pick him up but you he can’t do anything because if he wanted to start entering your sounds like it would be under supervised visits anyways just keep documenting everything
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Is he on the birth certificate. If yes the court can set up where he sees him at a visiting center till they get to know each other. If he is not then I have custody till he can prove he is the father
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Sounds like my daughters dad! I will not let him take her alone either (not that he’s asked in a while anyway). He doesn’t have the means to take care of her but I think he’s just enough of a hot headed idiot to run off with her if he got the opportunity.
So personally I support your decision for whatever that’s worth 
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Child Support Paid in Full BEFORE Any Visit …
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I would cease any sort of communication with him. If he really wants to see him, he can take you to court and explain to the judge why he hasn’t stepped up
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If he wanted visitation bad enough, he would go to court and get a court order. Be careful because without a court order he can legally not bring the child back!
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If u have no custody agreement there is no way I would let him go. Make him take u to court. He won’t cause he owes you money
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This may be unpopular, but he’s right. As much as you don’t like him, or disagree with how he’s living, he does have a right to a relationship with his son. This has nothing to do with child support. This is about visits.
HOWEVER, what that relationship looks like, and how it’s handled is where you and him need to come to an agreement. Get a concrete parenting plan in place. Make sure that it includes where each of you live (assuming it’s safe), and specifies decision making for education and health care decisions. Have a concrete visit plan.
As a foster mom, I can tell you that starting visits with a previously unknown parent can be scary for a child. Instead of offering a visit at your home, which may make the father uncomfortable, meet in a neutral space. Maybe start with an hour at the play area at the mall and build from there. Offer father a plan that progresses to what he wants (unsupervised). Keep the focus on the needs of the child rather than your worries/anxiety. If there’s a safety concern, do it at a paid visitation center.
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Get a court order. Have it state that you have full custody. Have supervised visits until your son gets to know his dad and can visit. BUT also have it state that you are to have an address for him and that that is where your son will be. You also should have a phone number for the father in case you need to contact him.
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Stand your ground. But also swap it up nobody wants to go to the other parents house, my parents have been divorced since I was 5 and they say it’s still weird and awkward. Tell him he can either take it slow, and meet at an agreed mutual place until he (your son) can get to know him and build a bond and trust with him. Or he can take it to court and wait for a judge to say different… But honestly I feel where you coming from, he’s never met him (possibly) there’s reasons behind why you won’t let him go with dad, but at the same time yeah you sounding kinda bitter and greedy with your baby, you don’t trust him yet you laid down with him, he’s never met baby, but he’s trying now… I understand that if he’s on the birth certificate or even states he’s dad, he can just walk up get him and leave and there’s nothing you can do… But you BOTH need to put your issues to the side and think what’s right for the child and the child alone, again tell him that you prefer to take baby steps first, let’s go to the park or another public place for you to meet with baby and visit for 30 minutes to an hour at first then build it up from there, if you feel more comfortable with husband there ask him to go too but kinda stay in the background since it’s yours and dad’s child, but I want you there so if anything happens you can help, and always record the interactions with him, so if anything bad happens you can have that as proof of your encounters and if needed in court for a safety plan to set up supervised visits at DHR or something… But also once he builds the bond and stuff you do need to have some type of custody and visit agreement with him so he can’t just run off with baby, give him a chance outside of your home, but also keep your guard up and keep the costs one a tight leash so he can’t use and abuse the inch your kind enough to give him.
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His trying to justify why he doesn’t do the right thing
Red flags going up here… where has he been since birth? Why hasn’t he contributed money wise? Be careful…
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My son was 2 the first time he met his dad. We did one supervised visit after that he started taking him for the day then over night, weekend and eventually by 3 it was 50/50 every other week. Child support has nothing to do with visitation. He has nothing for the child because he doesn’t see the child. He probably doesn’t want to deal with you and should get visits through court.
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In most states a child born to an unwed mother has sole custody until the father establishes parental rights through the court including a DNA test or he marries the mother. Signing the BC does not give him rights.
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Sounds a lot like my oldest son’s father! He wanted unrealistic things and when I said no he refused to see my son, had the DNA test done and proved he fathered the child and still nothing. My son is 16 now, 4-5 years ago I was given a phone number for his dad after making contact I gave the number to my son. They talked for a couple days by text and then my son got distracted with friends, school and such, didn’t initiate contact for a couple months then text happy father’s day and got a text back asking who it was. There has been no contact since as my kid told me about it, I apologized to my son, my son has kept the same number this entire time and has never heard anything after his dad said “Oh, I must have lost your number when I changed phones”
My son chooses not to contact someone who has had a way to contact him and has not made an attempt, ever. I wouldn’t turn my son loose with his dad back when my son was 3 due to threats his dad made when we were together. Your child’s safety is more important than someone who only wants what they want and are unwilling to work to see the child.
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Well maybe he don’t have money the love is what counts don’t be a bitter baby momma lend him your car seat and pack a over nig ht bag for him you have a husband so I don’t think you want t him life is to short but that your child do what you think is best
Hi there everyone on here is wrong or semi wrong…. I know from experience child support can play a factor is seeing the child…. I’ve taken my kids dads to abandonment court enough times with them lying on me… say I don’t let them around there kids … you know what the judge told them ? He said and I quote “ she doesn’t have to especially if you haven’t paid child support” he said them telling him I don’t let them see their children was hear say unless they had proof to back it up and guess what they didn’t … but even so the judge only said you wanna see your kid pay your child support !
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He can fuck off. Plain and simple
Keep the distance you have. He’s not to be trusted
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If he wants his kid bad enough…he will wise up on his own and patition the courts and go tell them he wants his rights and can even petition for a DNA test to prove it…relax and see how smart he is…but then he will also be ready to answer to the courts as to what kinda dad he will become if he fails…set back n watch…otherwise …no worries
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Consult legal means for action against this looser. He’s up to something and it’s not good
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A person who claims to want to be an active parent isn’t really showing any actions to the words he speaks. My kids father never paid child support and after leaving to move across country for a new love affair, my kids decided they didn’t want him around when he would get violent with partners or walking on eggshells to not do something to would set off his temper and all those years went by claiming he was a caring parent and I was holding them back. He knew where we lived, had my phone number, could have worked something out but just played the sympathy card to everyone else how his nasty ex was keeping them from him. He didn’t buy clothes when he had had them, I provided it all, from childcare fees to school supplies and uniforms. Some people wanna say they are having it tough to play the victim. Actions are louder than words and now my kids are adults and he still makes no effort, and only talks about himself. Narcissistic people will always blame another and it’s worse if the relationship you had was more his way, he will not understand that has changed and it’s really a sad thing to see because it’s the kids who suffer the most. Look at actions, words are easy and cost nothing, it’s actions to making steps to visits such as mediation or supervised visits in a local playground might help things move along. Good luck xx
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You know what? You are to blame and there’s a damn good reason for it! He wants to see them so bad? he’d pay child support and stop being a manchild himself. I’d never ever ever send my children with someone if I wasn’t 100% comfortable with the situation.
Go to court get everything legal, best for both of yous. Also your son needs his dad I was in your shoes once I never stop him he just never bothered. Good luck.
File to have an agreement set and if he doesn’t follow through, then let the court handle it then.
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Sounds like every other dead beat father excuse I have ever heard.
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