I’m 11 years in with my “coparent” who my child doesn’t know and he only pops up every other year to make appearances. Visitation has always been supervised after he threatened to run off with her as a baby during our divorce but since he doesn’t like that he just stays away 
Get everything in black and white, supervised visitation, and let the chip fall where they may.
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My son’s ex baby momma will not let him see his daughter. She will not even let us see her either. I have no reason why. He even sends her money. She was born and lives in another a state. Breaks my heart we can’t see her. Christmas was so hard this yr my son cried. It took everything I had not to call her and tell her ass off. She is so fucking selfish and uses our grandbaby as leverage for everything. I can’t share pictures of her on my social media without her getting upset and yet my mom, her mom and my son can. She has deleted me off social but seems to know if I share photos. I have lost all respect for this girl. She doesn’t like me why I don’t know she was always jealous of mine and my son’s relationship. Since she was in the picture my son and I aren’t as close.She still tries to stir up shit between us! It breaks my heart that she is so heartless. Don’t understand why girls keep their kids away from their fathers and their grandparents.
Yes you’re a bit pissy, but I agree with you, no address, car seat, we’d have to meet somewhere for short supv. Visits, to get our child comfortable with him, must know my child’s whereabouts at all times
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A court hearing sounds necessary. Tell him to file with the courts and get something on paper. You can also request supervised visitation to start since they don’t know each other. They can make a plan to start that way and ease into full visitation.
I’d see if he feels more comfortable meeting at a playground and with just you rather than a whole audience. If he is not interested in doing that I wouldn’t bother until he actually shows dome sort of effort.
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You have every right not to let him see the child alone …he needs to suck it up if he ever hopes to have any type of relationship…effort gotta come from him …seems his pride is more important …good call mom 
Omg my daughter is going through this exact thing right now. Has been going through this for 10 years , she’s had enough being the good guy . He’s been smoking drugs in front of his son as well (he’s old enough to tell now). So she’s taking him to court hopefully to get some custody and then he can drop out of his life.
Well how is your son together ever to get to know him if you dont let him visit.get controlled environment certainly but with social worker or the like NOT with you and your husband.How will he ever get a relationship with his family all there.Money owed or what he has are nothing to do with it.If he gets a good relationship with your son it will help you all but if your son gets no contact because YOU dont want it you could be laying up yrouble later on.Your son could blame you and think hes something special.Let your son have one to one supervised and your son can make his own mind up over time.You just need to be there to pick up the pieces if it goes wrong.
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I think your completely right so dont feel bad
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My kids would be heartbroken if I left them on their own with a complete stranger, no way would I just pack them off to a man they don’t know. I would bend over backwards to have a relationship with my children, sounds like he makes 0 effort for your son and instead his efforts are put into gaslighting you. Don’t make anyone make you feel bad about doing what you think is best for your baby. Keep a record of everything that happens, every test and phone call. Provide opportunity for him to build a relationship with his son in a way that will make your son feel comfortable and safe and will allow him to build some trust. If he declines them opportunities thats on him not you. He obviously knows very little about children to think you would just pack him off and wave good bye. Being a dad is way more than just DNA, it’s about what is best for your son not his Dad. As a parent you put your child’s needs before your own, he doesn’t really sound like he is doing that.
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Yeah I went through that one time and I finally let my child go just to get a call from CPS telling me that he told them he had no way of contacting me which he did he just didn’t want them getting ahold of me and I was told to go pick up my son immediately and they needed to come lay eyes on him and I still to this day don’t know what happen. So stand your ground. If he wants to see him bad enough he will come to your home or take you to court and prove his self to them.
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No you are absolutely right. Let him take you to court. Document everything starting now. You need to have proof that you aren’t keeping your child from him but that you want your child to visit him safely.
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He sounds like a bitter man. Stay strong on your boundaries and don’t give at all! Your son will thank you one day. If he truly wants to be a good dad, he will do what’s expected of him! Plain and simple.
f__k him right off your way or the highway
yip he is the dad but he’s gonna have to be a mature and resposible man and communicate and cooperate like adults do so he can be in his sons world 
otherwise he can go be a looser and blame whoever he likes and he can tell anyone who cares
Your right I’m was in the same position if he can’t be trusted don’t send your baby
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I feel like there is a lot of unknowns here
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File for an agreement, even if he don’t want to go to court, if you start the process, he’ll have no choice.
Yous doing the absolute right thing, if I was in your shoes I would do the same, I would never send my child off with someone that they do not know, regardless of who they are, especially if you do not know where they will be going.
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There is his story, your story and the Truth!
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Make him take you to court for anything like that . If he is never met his son they will not just let him take the baby. Everything would be super vised
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I’m a sensible, reasonable person and if my baby daddy didn’t have what was needed to care for our child ( car seat, clothes. so forth ) and refused to tell me where he lives ( where my kid is going to be ) my kid is NOT going anywhere. Call me whatever you want, but the safety and well being of my kids comes before someone else’s feelings.
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Have a custody agreement made! If you ever do decide to let him take your child; without a custody agreement, he could legally keep your child, without it being kidnapping! This happened to my best friend!
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It’s not that you aren’t allowing him to see the child. You have offered supervised visitation which is appropriate since he doesn’t know his child. I think he’s uncomfortable in your house and I can’t blame him. Make a public meet up so they can learn to get to know each first. Don’t hover though. Give him space bc that’s fair and you the chance to watch everything that happens. Be sneaky if you have to so you hear how he talks to his kid. I don’t know if you should let him take him until you have things sorted out in court. If he was only caring about and for the child he would do anything to work it out. And if not his intentions are probably not what he’s making it out to be. Good luck
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Craziness, u do know if he does go to court they don’t ask to see where he lives or if he has food in his fridge or clean clothes they will just simply say u have to hand him over no matter what u say. Judges don’t play that in your feelings shyt. I see it allll the time. As soon as the other parent shows up to court they get rights regardless if u want to or not and u can end up in jail and the other parent with custody if u don’t hand the child over so be ready
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Take his ass to court for visitation.
If he won’t get a court order, you do it. Start off with supervised visits and go from there. Easy peasy.
I am a mother that dealt with this myself…I beleive as a mother we have to protect our children because they cant do it theirselves…I divorced my husband due to drugs and badddd anger problems and was very scared to let him take my daughter just like you I wouldn’t let him take her anywhere…I let his grandparents see her and thats how he seen her she is now 24 and her father still doesn’t have alot to donwith her and he blames me all these years for not being able to be her father and to see her…I said no blame that bottle and drugs you choose to shoot up…So no you are not wtong protect that child as only you can 
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I agree with everything except having him come visit in your home with your husband & daughter there. It would be uncomfortable & doesn’t give him that one on one time to get to know his kid. I would find a public place to meet up at like a park or something & have it be just you & your son. Start by obv being right there as he doesn’t know him but slowly allow him to start taking the lead & be there more to supervise & show your son you’re still within sight so he’s not scared. But I wouldn’t want to come visit in my ex’s home with his new S/O & daughter watching my every other move. He needs to be able to get to know his son & have some space & privacy to do so.
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You can file for set visitation for the “dad” I did this to shut my oldest’s Dad up. The ordered evaluations on “dad” then granted supervised visits at a location they designated with one of their counselors and after “dad” blew it off 3 times, the canceled all his visits. Years later when he got his act together he had a very tough time in court trying to get visitation. Get into court NOW that way you have documentation should “dad” ever get his shit together.
It’s an excuse. I’ve heard it so many times before. I went to counseling with the fool to try to get him involved. His excuse was always that I’m preventing him from being with his kid. Mind you we LIVED together. He would “work” all day yet come home with no money. Id tell him to go do something with his child because our child wanted to spend some time with him. He either had to “work” or he just wouldn’t. The one time he did, my son came back crying & the two of them were arguing like children. It was ridiculous but somehow, always my fault. He’s likely just a pile of shit. Probably your fault that he doesn’t have anything for the kid too 
Go to the courts and file full custody. Get an agreement made up and work off that. It’s the only course of action at this point. Good luck!
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Good for you. Stay strong.
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Why not offer like a neutral meeting place like a playground to meet up and let your son get to know his father. But also stick to your boundaries.
No visits unsupervised until and unless he has them court ordered. Period.
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Yall need to go to court and settle it there. Periodt.
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As a father I wouldn’t wanna come meet my kid that calls another man dad people go thru things but it seems like you already written him out of his kids life it’s not fair because people do change and when he does his kid won’t be there for him to even try to make amends
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Protect your child there have been too many ex spouses that have killed their children for revenge when they have visitation,he needs to go to court if he wants to see the child, your baby don’t even know him yet like I said THE CHILDS INTEREST AND SAFETY COMES FIRST !!!
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Do court ordered supervised visitation. If he wants to see the child that badly he will agree.
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Do you not have a custody agreement?
If not, make one. See a lawyer ASAP bc in some states, he has just as much right to his child as you do.
Get supervised visits for 6 months until the child is comfortabke with him. Offer face time calls, some states have a minimum of 2 calls per week. Offer to meet at a public park, bring someone with you.
My biggest oiece of advice, keep all texts & calls respectful. Don’t engage when he starts popping off. Be polite but firm bc if you act the fool, at won’t look good in court.
In the event visitation is established, all pick-ups and drop-offs should be at the local police department bc they have cameras. Record all interactions if starts acting crazy.
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Better yo do court because they would force to have supervised visits until they see fit as well
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You could always try to find a place that does supervised visitation that wouldn’t be with you and your husband (maybe that makes him uncomfortable)but someone that knows what they are doing and see if he wants to do that. And I would get a custody agreement in place. You have full custody and he get supervised visitation for now until he can prove himself. They will be able to report how he is with the child, how he reacts etc. But you need an actual agreement in place to help protect you. And if he doesn’t want to do that then that just means he doesn’t really want to get to know his child but you have done everything you could do.
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Go to court for custody ASAP!
He could drive up take the child and there would be nothing you could do!!! That should be your first concern!
Narcissistic bastzzzzz
I say meet him in the middle and agree to meet at a park just you, your child, and him. I would assume it would be very uncomfortable for him to meet his child for the first time with your husband and his daughter there too. Its an intimate vulnerable experience so at least give him his first time without strangers judging eyes on him.
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Nope!! Protect your son. Remind him that he still owes child support and when he starts paying, then you MAY consider visitation. Let the courts know that he’s not paying. If you do relent and let them meet … make sure it’s in a public place !!
I’d personally be doing it all through court if possible
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File for full custody no visitations! If you don’t have his address leave it blank or put last known address for court! I don’t blame you these new men are doing to much to the mother & the kids
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No. If he wants to see him he can do so on your terms unless he wants to hire a lawyer and fight through court. Which he obviously doesn’t care about. He’s not interested in seeing your child, he’s interested in arguing with you point blank
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How can he be 5,000 behind on child support if y’all don’t have a parenting plan already in place? Usually child support is court ordered when the custody/visitation agreement is agreed upon in court. This doesn’t sound right.
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You are completely right to look out for your son.
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Don’t insist that he visits with your husband and his daughter there. In that way, you are keeping him away by insisting on them being there.
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Good job mama!! That would be pretty scary for a two year old to go thru.
Go thru the courts an get an order in place especially if he’s never met him or know him as he gets use to seeing him an gets comfortable then the courts will allow him to see him with out anyone around if he won’t go to the court do what I did I went an called k y ex while there an said I need the address you will get a court order to see your kid guesss what if he doesn’t give to you he the bitter one not you an if he is on child support they should have his information already in the system
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He should pay the back child support. When you love your children you need to support them. This happened to me and I lost over 5K because I didn’t want to fight for it. Looking back, I feel I made the wrong choice.
It’s his fault he’s in the situation he’s in … If he truly wants to see him he’ll go through the proper court process … He doesn’t get to walk into a 2 year olds life as a stranger & have the right to take him *anywhere …
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Y0u get full control for your son need to go to court and have him pay child support Serenais right in what she says ,.
He’s got problems. Keep your son safe.
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Establish custody otherwise no one has custody and your right he wouldn’t have to bring him back just like u don’t have to let him go with him with custody agreement u will have set boundaries …. Just be careful if he does take u to court these things could potentially be used against u
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My sons “father” pulled this same shit in michigan tried to take ME to court over a kid he didnt even bother to meet. The judge laughed when he demanded his ‘right’ to see ‘his child’ and gave him NOTHING his visits are now “as mother sees fit” but he is still obligated to pay support.
Go to court and come up with a plan. Have him served. If he doesn’t show up that’s on him. You need the proper protections in place. He should not have to visit you and your new family to see his child. You should make a plan to meet him somewhere with just you and his biological child in a public place like a park where he can get to know his child. I know I would not want to hang out with my ex husband and his new wife to visit my children.
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I certainly agree with you not just letting him take him when he’s never met him but I don’t agree with him having to come to your house with your husband and daughter being present. That is going to be super uncomfortable for all involved. I would take baby steps… meet him at a local park. BUT because you don’t know what his motives are make sure your husband/relative etc. are close by watching in case anything happens.
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Use wisdom. Do not let him take the toddler. One weird fact is he won’t go to court and you don’t even know where he lives! He doesn’t have any custody/visitation rights and no Judge in his right mind would not allow the little boy to go anywhere with such a dead-beat. Please protect your baby!
It’s your job to protect the baby. Let him go to court. See if he wants to see baby that bad!
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I’m n same boat as far as mine not going with father! He can come see her spend as much time with her as he wants! But she is not going with him 2 him nothing by herself!
You have custody of your son! You and only you! You don’t have 2 let him go ne where if u don’t want! If he wants ne different he can take u2 court
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‘grow up!’ he is a man/child
No he can’t take him at all!!!
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I’ve been here aswell.
Don’t worry what he or anyone else thinks your ture friends know the truth. Don’t stress what ppl think or say your protecting your son thats your job keep doing it.
Absolutely do not let him take your son. This isn’t someone who cares about the child….this is someone who wants to use this child to control and hurt you.
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If there is no custody agreement and he’s the father on paper he could easily take the child until you guys would have to inevitably go through custody court. That can and will traumatize a child, even if he does properly provide and care for the child. He should be speaking with you about a court documented custody agreement instead of just saying you’re bitter. If this was actually about having a relationship with his son.
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stick to your guns! Everything you said makes perfect sense.
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Get to court immediately. He can come, get the child and you will have no say You need to establish custody, first. If you don’t feel comfortable with him being alone with your child. The court will appoint someone to watch them
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Young one - Stick to your guns. You are a great Momma and got great sense too. A child can disappear in a blink of an eye. No Court, no trust - no flipping way!!! 
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He’s not a father he is a sperm donor. If they wanted to see the kid they’d show up and see them…
Kick him to the curb , let him go to court , if he is behind in child support he will end up in jail stand your ground . Get a protect against him he sounds narsistic
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I absolutely wouldn’t let him take your child for the fact you don’t even know where he lives!
Where would he take him to?
I fill both parents should be in a child’s life but not when there isn’t any communication!
You are doing the right thing.
I would apply for full custody, Then if he wants to contest it ok , courts will look at everything. Keep records of when he calls or comes to see child. Also make offers to meet in a public place with him . A play ground, in door park would be wonderful. Wrist bands for you and child so child can only leave with you.