Can someone please just tell me it gets better? Will I be happy again? Why do I want him.
You are already part way to leaving by recognising the problems and wanting to leave.
option 1: talk to a friend/relative who will support you. Pack your things and leave. Change your phone number, block him on social media and don’t look back or contact him. The hardest time and when you are most likely to surrender is in the first couple of months. You need to be clear of him and his manipulation in order to let him go and move forward.
Option 2: to your GP, tell them what you’re going through, go to a psychologist to work on YOU.
Once you are stronger in yourself you can complete the split clearly and with no regrets. Loving him means putting yourself at risk. Love yourself more!
You know your exhausted, and you need to leave him…that’s the sign you need to listen to!!!
He will never change!!! he is getting away with it!!!
THE FIRST STEP IS THE HARDEST YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH! STOP MAKING EXCUSES, NO MONEY SO WHAT?? FAMILY OR THAT 1 PERSON U CHOOSE HAS A COUCH…GO …DONT LOOK BACK!!
IF YOUR STRONG ENOUGH TO WALK OUT AND NEVER LOOK BACK, KNOWING YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED, CHERISHED AND PUT ON A PEDISTOL…YOU CAN DO IT!!! IT WILL GET BETTER FOR YOU I PROMISE! YOU WILL FIND YOUR SMILE AGAIN! YOU WILL LAUGH AGAIN! YOU WILL LOVE AGAIN…YOU WILL FIND YOU AGAIN!!!
You need to stop making excuses why I can’t leave, pack a bag and walk out that door, and never ever get in touch with him again!!!
Silence from women hurts them so much more…so block him, on everything, tell 1 family member you are going to visit them, tell Noone else where you are…
(cause when you don’t answer him, and haven’t seen him a few days, trust me, he will go looking for you to cry put on his tears, and get you back with him, because he’s comfortable with you, you let him get away with his ugliness, he knows Noone else will put up with it!!)
A change of clothes is all you will need for a change of life…good luck xox
Very important things that are usually forgotten until it’s too late - get any important papers in your possession and into a safe place before you make one move toward the door. Birth certificate, marriage license, financial documentation (bank statement, copy of lease, anything which has your name on it, you need a copy of it so you have all the numbers and relevant information) because once you walk out that door you won’t be able to get it. If there is a women’s shelter in your area, contact them and ask for help preparing an exit plan. They can help you figure out how and when to leave safely, and where to stay where he won’t find you in his immediate rage. The most dangerous time EVER in an abusive relationship is when they know they’re losing control, and a lot of women die then. Make sure you’re safe. A women’s shelter can help. If nothing else, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline and ask them for help figuring out how best to leave. You’re right - he knows how to push your buttons. ALL of them, including the ones that make you want to stay. You need the support of someone who can help you nail down the nitty gritty details, and the women’s shelter or the hotline is the best for that. Be safe.
He is an abuser and has manipulated you into loving him and that’s why your finding it hard to leave.
How much longer do you have until you leave? This is just the beginning once he gets even more angry, those words will eventually turn physical. I know for me there came a point where I was just done loving him but the final straw was one night when he was threatening me while I was holding our child and my daughter cowered in fear from him she was 15months at the time and I thought that’s something I never wanted to see again. It was one thing to abuse me but to still carry on abusing me while our daughter could witness it all was something I wasn’t prepared to let happen.
There is plenty support out there to help you you just need to be brave enough to bite the bullet and leave. You’ve already suffered enough, how much more are you willing to take before enough is actually enough. He won’t change and he doesn’t love you. The only thing he loves is the control he has over you. This is no life for you and you deserve so much more.
I really do hope you find the strength to leave and then be strong enough to stick to it and not get sucked in by him again because it’ll only be a vicious circle that never ends just gets worse every time.
You asked why you still love him so much and why it’s so hard to leave. One reason:
Description
Trauma bonding is a psychological response to abuse. It occurs when the abused person forms an unhealthy bond with the person who abuses them. The person experiencing abuse may develop sympathy for the abusive person, which becomes reinforced by cycles of abuse, followed by remorse. No one can fix this but you. You
Need to dig deep, and hold tight to sheer willpower. Find the part of you that’s wise to the pain and refuses to fall for the tricks anymore by anyone. Do this, and yes, it can get so much better!! Real love doesn’t hurt like this. It really doesn’t and you deserve to have your love and good intentions reciprocated. Once you
Leave, cut him off. Don’t listen to him, read texts- nothing. Don’t subject yourself to the cycle that can pull you back in. You deserve to be happy. Took me 10 Miserable wasted years to figure this out. Now I’m so happy! Rooting for you
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. To those who have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, how do you leave?
He is gaslighting you and isolating you, this is an abusive relationship, and you need to remind yourself every day your away from him if you go back he will get worse and it’ll eventually lead to physical violence to keep you trapped. It’s not love its routine.
When he goes to work put a restraining order on him change the locks and put his stuff on the porch take his name off the lease
So unhealthy. This is abuse. Go to the closest women’s shelter and let them help you. It’s not love.
I started working on myself and it was so much easier to get him out of my house. We were together 10 years and most of those years i was abused. The last 2 years we didnt speak to each other. I started going on dates and seeing other people because he just wouldnt leave. He finally got the hint and moved out
Girl. Run. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but let me tell you from experience it does not get better. It will break you down and tear you apart until there is nothing left. Pretend everything is fine, let him believe you’re happy, stash and save up the money he gives you and then get the hell out of that situation. Nobody deserves that.
You tell a friend your plan but not him. Dont change towards him …just try to remain like everything is the same. If he suspects you are making a move he might retaliate.
I moved left him there. Plus the police suggest that I went to my parents. So move don’t let him know where you live
You just have to be really brave and do it. You will never be ready or prepared and it will never be the right time you just have to make you mind up and do it. Promise you will never look back
Take the first step and GO. don’t keep giving in to him when he acts right
Everything else will fall into place
Pack what is essential and leave. He’s not just emotionally abusive he’s physically violent. The inference of his breaking things is intimidation letting you know that he could break you if he wanted to. And so far he hasn’t wanted to. Find a women’s group that deals with domestic violence as they are a great source for leaving. Be safe. And get out while you can.
He is a narcissist. You need to leave, that’s not love , that’s trauma bonding. You need to leave because that situation will never change and it will slowly destroy your soul. Please read online about narcissist people. You will understand so much and you will find a way out. It helped me too. Now I am free and in an amazing healthy relationship. It gets better when you leave, I promise. Leaving a narcissist man is like being a drug addict , it’s hard. But I know you are strong enough. Leave and contact zero. That’s the only way.
Go to a women’s shelter. They will give you all the help you need
He doesn’t love you. Get out while you still can.
Please get out. You are afraid of the unknown. Please find a shelter if you have no family.
Take a day off of work and pack your shit and leave when he isn’t there. Block his number so he can’t try to win you back. Don’t look back.
It doesn’t get better. This will be your entire life if you allow it. You won’t be happy until you remove yourself from this abuse. You want him because you are traumatically bonded. Ever hear of Stockholm Syndrome. That is what you have. You don’t really love him but you won’t realize that until you break the bond.
Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response. It occurs when hostages or abuse victims bond with their captors or abusers. This psychological connection develops over the course of the days, weeks, months, or even years of captivity or abuse.
With this syndrome, hostages or abuse victims may come to sympathize with their captors. This is the opposite of the fear, terror, and disdain that might be expected from the victims in these situations.
Over the course of time, some victims do come to develop positive feelings toward their captors. They may even begin to feel as if they share common goals and causes. The victim may begin to develop negative feelings toward the police or authorities. They may resent anyone who may be trying to help them escape from the dangerous situation they’re in.
You want him, because you love him. He’s a master manipulator, hence the reason you stay.
I’d say pack up what you need while he’s away and just leave. Hopefully one of your friends or family will take you in until you can get back on your feet. You deserve better than to be with a narcissist. He knows how to dangle the carrot in front of your face, because you’re an easy target. Get out while you can, honey.
When he leaves, lock him out (change the locks of he has a key) & leave his stuff outside… Don’t answer or give in. Change EVERYTHING Prayers girl Restraining order
I started mentally detaching myself from the relationship for a good 6 months at least. After a year and a half of mental, verbal, and emotional abuse, he hit me “on accident” and didn’t see a problem with it. That made it easier to leave. I secretly started making plans to move out with a friend. By chance I actually met my husband shortly before ending the relationship. He was the last push I needed to get out. But even if I hadn’t met my husband, my friend and I were already looking up places. In the end I ended up kicking my ex out.
Side note. My ex said and called me so many nasty things when we broke up. Days later he tried to talk through things because he “loved me so much.” Once I rejected his advances not even a minute later he went right back to his old ways. It’s a cycle, you just have to find the strength to break it.
You need to remove yourself from the situation. Don’t think he will leave because he won’t. Just leave
Or a women’s shelter or friends… Stay away from him. I had to do it it’s hard
It will not get better !! Move out . Make a plan , save some money and then when he’s not home move
Took me 4 years and 2 kids later but I woke up one morning while he was at work and I put all of his belongings nicely packed in my carport for him to collect. I left the home that afternoon when I knew he would be back to get his stuff just so he didn’t talk his way back in again and I had my sister stay with me for the first 2 days till I got a routine and back on my feet again ! It may feel impossible but one day you just won’t be alive to do something about it
Want out, get out, you move out, otherwise some day he will be hugging and kissing your dead body, …sounds like you both are codependent…
I went to a domestic violence shelter with my kids!! That was my way out!! They helped me get out the state and they Placed us in a shelter in that state for 3 months… but I received all the help I needed not just for me but my kids to!! It wasn’t what I wanted to do but it was what I needed to do!!
RUN…and RUN now. I’ve been there. The emotional and verbal abuse will turn physical. Please please please listen to me when I say get the hell out of there now
What you’re experiencing is called a trauma bond, and it’s created by the abuser creating that constant, intentional abuse/love bombing cycle. It won’t get better. Make an exit plan, find local resources for DV victims, and get away from him as quickly and as safely as you can.
It will never get better. They will pretend just long enough to keep you from leaving then hurt you even more. Then blame their actions on you. I took me 6 tries to leave my ex-husband before I finally was able to. Know, it will hurt now but the freedom and happiness you will feel not being controlled and dehumanized is so worth it!
Open secret bank account put money In it
First off, he’s a pro manipulator. F*ck your emotions and go before you get killed. This is a classic gaslighting situation. I was in one once. Drain that bank account and run! You’ll heal. You will continue to be hurt over and over if you stay. So stay there and hurt or leave and hurt but heal. No money? Get a loan. Get another job. Do whatever tf you have to do to get out. I mean I can’t say what else I think you should do because I’ll have to go to Facebook jail
It won’t get better until you are away from him. Why would you love someone who treats you badly? You’re better than that!
This is basically what I just left. You can do it…just cut contact and leave. There are shelters and other places like it if you don’t have any $$.
It doesn’t get better. At least not with him. You need to leave. I can’t express enough how badly you need to leave. If family or friends can’t help, then Im sure you can find a shelter that you could go to.
You want him because he makes u feel like you need him. He love bombs you when you feel like you should leave so you don’t. He will never change had it with my sons dad for years even now he’s manipulative. Told me everyday I was bi polar to the point I went the doctors thinking I was and I wasn’t. Get out now
When I left I went to a shelter for abused women and children. Then ended up at a homeless shelter. Until I found a place to rent. It doesn’t get better until you leave.
I lived this for over 13 years, with it always turning into physical abuse. You have to be the one to cut ties and walk away. They get too much out of the cycle to ever care enough to leave. Just get everything set up and when he’s gone or at work etc, leave. Never look back. I had to figure it out with 4 kids and the same monetary withholding, and he never let me work long without him ruining it (showing up to my job acting crazy, or hiding my keys so I couldn’t leave for work etc) I promise you that you’re stronger than you think and you can do this. Make a plan. Set it in motion. Don’t back down.
Go to a dv shelter Hun! Get as far away as you can! This will turn physical !
Getting good advice, if no family support, go to a woman shelter they will take cared of u, prayers, walk with your feet & used your head, their are safe places for u
I think when it got to the point he was in and out of jail and his behaviour had me near a nervous breakdown and completely damaged my health…When he was put away in jail that was my time to get out and take control again it was hard and very scary and I still have trouble.
I see love bombing, gaslighting, and trauma bonding in this. These are ALL abuse. You’re not crazy whatsoever! Your attachment to him is through a trauma bond. This is common in abuse. He doesn’t have to touch you to be abuse. Throwing things and destroying the house is abuse. It’s to keep you in fear of him which results in him having control of you. He’s calm when the police arrives to make them think you’re the crazy one. Everyone is telling you to leave, and yes they are right. But you know what keeps you safe better than anyone. Leave when you can. It’s not easy to leave. It’s the most dangerous part of leaving an abuser. If you decide to leave, do it in secret if you can. When he’s at work etc. Go where you know you will be safe. If you have no where to go please find where your local DV shelter is. I have been in this position before. You have the strength to get through it. God pulled me out of an abusive marriage of 10 years. He is faithful.
You need to respect yourself enough to either leave or make him leave before you end up dead. Don’t waste time he will change the violence will get worse until he kills you.
Contact a local domestic violence unit and they will help you. You police or court house should have contacts for them. And will get better once you make the decision to leave and get help. You feel guilty and want to believe them but they won’t change til they want to and get help. No matter how much you love them. They have to do it you can’t do it for them
It gets better with each passing day you have to find the strength to do what is best for you no matter how hard it may seem it’s not impossible
Going through the same right now😔
He is a total Narcissist. You need to find someone to help you out, family or whatever. You have no lost anyone other then yourself as he has totally controlled your entire life. You need to make a safe plan, and execute it without him knowing. Just leave…it will be hard to go but do not let him know where you are, and do not answer your phone. He will try and get you back only to use and abuse you for his own pleasure until he is done with you. He does not really love you, he is only pretending to fulfill what he wants. It will be very difficult at first, but things will turn around. You will get people back in your life that are truely meant to be and most importantly, be yourself again. It is an amazing feeling and you will not regret it. I have been in a similar situation, and it was the best decision i ever made was to leave.
Leave now! And document everything! This sounds exactly what I just got out of. My bf was perfect in the beginning and then a flip switched. He was possessive and controlling. I wasn’t allowed to leave. He broke my phone so i couldn’t call. He would hide my keys and purse. Literally the next day he would cry and apologize and it was a very toxic cycle. Finally last week, he escalated and choked me in the tub, and I was thrown at a wall. I now have a protection order in place. Please leave now. It will not get better. I know grom experience. It will be hard. If you ever need someone to talk to. I’m sure we have very similar stories and can relate. You can always pm me! Stay strong!
Too many red flags. Leave! It will never get better because you always let him do whatever he wants. Love yourself. You deserve it.
I say you need to pack up and leave and never look back there is other men out there you don’t need that abuse I was being beaten on by my kid’s dad so I packed up and left and never looked back I made the right decision you can too
Just think what this will do to your kids it will stay with them forever. I’m 61 and I still have really bad memories of my childhood seeing this often growing up just because my dad was a mean ass-wipe. Prayers that you get out.
It WILL get better. I was living with someone that sounds just like this post… and I packed my bags and just left the one day. He didn’t even see it coming … two years later 1 year of therapy and I’m finally getting better now mentally …
Look up power and control wheel. Sounds exactly like what’s going on. It can get better, find a DV advocate. There’s usually several in any area, they can help you leave and usually have transitional housing until you’re on your feet. They can also help with protection orders. There’s always a way out. You can do this
Wow you described almost everything I went through with my ex. And yes EX. I left 2 years ago and never looked back I was with him for 3 years and I’m telling you it won’t get better, it won’t change, find a friend you trust or a parent if anything and LEAVE. And now I’m happily with a man who gives me EVERYTHING I’ve been looking for.
You want him because that’s what he’s trained you to do. Look up gaslighting lovey. It IS abuse! No, it won’t get better.
I suspect the friends and family you’ve lost because of him will come running if you called them for help.
You CAN walk away with nothing and start again, but YOU have to make the decision to do so.
You’re a strong independent woman and you can do this
Go now for yourself.
It’s easier said than done to tell you to walk away. It’s not ever easy to leave someone who is manipulative, narcissistic, controlling etc. I was in a similar relationship for 8 long years of my life and had two children during. We had the cops involved so much at the end. I think like 10 times within a month and a half. My personal breaking point was when he almost dropped our one month old son on his head trying to open a door. But your story is different. Everyone’s is. He is feeding you lies and it seems like you know they are when they leave his mouth. Yes you can still love him and he may love you, but that’s not enough to stay anymore. Your mental stability is at stake and at the end of the day that should be one of the most important things you have. There are resources available out there for you. My personal opinion is that you need to leave him bc he won’t leave you ever. If you have reliable family or friends start with them first for support.
I wish some of these commenters understood what happens when someone gets into a relationship with an Overt Narcissist… Victim Blaming is NEVER the answer!
Start making a plan. Start educating yourself so you know what to expect. I read everything, watched all the movies I could on abuse and there is so much more help now a days…
Convide in your doctor. Ask those you can trust to help you reach your goals safely. Start hoarding money…put all important papers somewhere safe…ywca or a domestic violence office will also guide you.
Please be safe.
Been there and done that! With two kids! I promise it does not get better! But leaving with minimum to no resources while on your feet is so much better! That’s not love babe! That’s crocodile tears! It’s not real, it’s for you to stay. And staying in that situation is not an option! Someone will get hurt or die (you)! Take it from me, DONT STAY! You lose yourself. One day you will find love! The real love! It’s been 8+years and my kids know this is how mom’s and dads are supposed to love ! You’ve got this! It’s hard as hell at first but so so worth it I promise !
I know your pain honey… I’m so sorry your going through that. I’m right there with you, but I’m trying so hard to change it. It’s time to move forward with my life he just won’t let me take Sam Hollinsworth advice she’s a very smart woman and sooo very right we got this! We can do it!
Make a plan to leave, then leave…
It took him giving me a traumatic brain injury before I left. Don’t let it keep going on! You just have to leave and realize you are better off!
I’m taking this advice!! You should too!! Smart ladies here!!
Been there. I left with some clothes, got a 40$ bus ticket bc he took all my money always…and i moved and became homeless. No regrets.
You won’t leave until you’re ready. No one here can make you see why you need to. Until you make the decision, you’re stuck. No matter what you believe (that you love him), what y’all have is not love. At all.
It starts with verbal/emotional abuse and it WILL turn physical. You have to leave ASAP. I know it will be hard but you will be glad you did in time. Sending so many prayers for strength your way.
Look at my profile pic. That’s how happy I was when I took the courage to walk away. Oddly it was my now husband who told me that it’s better to be single than in a relationship that bad. Whether you love him or not, you need to lose this relationship otherwise he will control you. You may not realize that he’s making you feel you have nowhere to go. But leave…even if it’s to a refuge for Domestic Abuse. You don’t need bruises to be abused. And it’s best to leave before the bruises start. You may lose some so-called friends but will find that you keep the good ones and make new ones. I don’t know who owns your house; if it’s you then change the locks. If not, walk. Hum Gloria Gaynor if it helps. You will want him for a while because it’s what you’re used to and he will make you feel no one else would want you. You need to stay strong and visualize him hitting you. You will be happy, confident and strong again and you will find someone worthwhile to give your love to.
Go to a women’s shelter they have professional help to get your new life on track
Get some help, make a plan and stick yo IT. IT wont get better and its never too late to withdraw. You think you love him but as soon as you get a treatment you ll see thats not love. You May feel sad, unworthy, incapable and much more. But you can!
It’s never going to change! I’ve been there! If you have no one or anything, there are women’s help groups and shelters! It’s not easy, it won’t get easier, but you have to go!
Get while the gettings good.there are shelters for battered women
It never gets better. Get out as soon as possible
Start by reastablishing your support system with your trusted friends and family. Let them know that tou are planning a better future for you and your children becasue you deserve to be happy. And to say nothing to him.
Also see if you can get any of his erratic behavior recorded, So every time you’re feeling those lovey feelings you can actually look at the behavior.
And proof for others who wanna believe his nonsense.
Anytime you go shopping hide $20, try to get enough and start your own account, If you have a very trusted friend or family member start sending them your important papers and small momentos that won’t be missed.
Contact your local state aid office and let them know you are trying to leave I’m to believe an abusive narcissistic relationship and sign up on the waiting list for housing assistance and any other assistance they can provide. Waiting list are quite long so get on them ASAP.
You will go up on the list if you ever end up leaving and go into a shelter.
Start looking for work at maybe A day care that gives a discount for your kids, if they are school age you could take a job at the school or day care.
Or look for jobs in your areas with a Built-in daycare.
You have to be able to put your happiness and mental health 1st for the benefit of yourself and the safety of your children.
Look up the term “trauma bond”.
There’s a book, “Learning to Leave” - it was written for women who have made the decision to go but need direction. I used it years ago. I put a cover from another book over this one, so if my husband at the time happened to see it, he wouldn’t go into one of his alcoholic rages. There was a lot of good information in it!!
Walk away however you can. Mental abuse gets worse and turns physical.
Look up trauma bonding and start going to a therapist.
That’s how it starts…then before you know it; it’s bruises, cuts and scars, broken bones, concussions, TBI’s and down right fear. Fear to even say anything out of line, afraid to even look at him because you fear you’ll look at him the wrong way and you’ll spend the night being his punching bag again.
Girl, leave. Now. There are woman’s shelters, your local Job and Family Services, Intergrated Services can help get you set up….they are plenty of options.
I believe if you call 611 it should give you a list of local resources for anyone in need of anything…
If you wanna talk, PM me. Wishing you the best of luck and I honestly pray you get out safely! Stay safe mama💜
Therapy. My therapist helped me leave my ex husband. And I love her for it.
Been here except he started getting physically abusive. It doesn’t get better. Only worse. I waited until he almost killed me to get out. Pack your stuff and go. Make a clean break. Cut off all contact. There are womens shelters and places that will help you start over. Then get some help to better yourself. I seen a therapist after for years. It was very hard starting over but was the best decision I made. My kids and I are so much better off now and we actually got to a point we were very happy.
If your area has a women in need shelter, you could start there!
I felt the same with my ex. I never got the nerve to get away. He ended up dying in a car wreck. I wish I would have left 10 years ago. Im so sorry girl, I know what your going through. Please try to find the strength.
Leave and give yourself 90 days or more away, without contact from him. Find somewhere new and safe. Resist hard at going back. He cannot love you like you need and the stress hormones and adrenaline from the highs and very lows will break you down. You can heal in time, but first you need to simply be safe. His is an awful betrayal and he’ll play victim and probably lie more, but you need to get out and away. You’re more broken than you realize but very strong, and you deserve peace to rebuild your life.
Run as fast as you can sis get out now before you leave in a body bag that’s how it starts someone who loves you will never treat you that way that is not a life or love
Sounds like you’re dating my ex. Best decision I ever made was leaving that mess. I took a deep breathe and let all that negative energy go and it’s been worth all the financial struggle since. Try reaching out to family or your friends, not his, if you have any. If not just leave. Personally I would rather sleep in my car than deal with that again. Don’t keep waiting for it to change, if it was going to it would’ve already. Get out as soon as you can and as safely as possible. Good luck!
This is not love this is trams bonding. Please seek help from the closest DV program they can help you with a safety plan.
Please leave as soon as you can, it doesn’t get better at all!!! I will be praying for you, for God to give you the strength to leave… you poor child. Just get out go that man does not love you or care for you cause if he did he wud not do this to you… it will only get worse. If you need any one please feel free to dm as well.
Call a women’s shelter, leave immediately and get in therapy.
Leave. That’s what I did. Had a friend teach me to back up a U-haul trailer. Packed up my clothes and my daughters clothes and LEFT. Let him have the house and everything in it. I worked and was financially stable, but even if I wasn’t, I still would have just moved back with my parents and started over. I don’t regret it for a single minute. Please don’t live your life this way.
Been there. I left after 3 1/2 yrs but I was pregnant and he was also physically abusive. You just need to leave. I went to a domestic violence shelter and got alot of help. Even got my own apartment. Goos luck xx
I need these answers also
You just leave. I escaped my abuser barely through his hands and ran out and never looked back. Was it easy? Hell no. But it was done and possible.
Get out before he kills you
Your local crisis center will help