To those who have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, how do you leave?

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Andrea Nicole Gutscher

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Go before youā€™re killedā€¦.never gets betterā€¦heā€™s sick

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Contact your local United Way, explain your situation, they will help you.
They helped me back in 1989.

God bless!

Get counselling asap !!! Join a Fb Group about surviving Narcissist abuse. Start loving yourself and know your worth! Itā€™ll get better :pray: :relieved: :heart:

Patty Dearolf Mallett :grimacing:

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It doesnā€™t get better

Rebecca Benton Advice?

Set phone up record his dumb ass.

When he gets angry and rants and raves you need to put you phone on record with the mic end up in your back pocket, make as little noise in your back pocket area so youā€™ll be able to hear his dumb shit coming from his mouth, and record for about a week! You will have your proof if the police have to get involved again! Change the dead bolt when he is out along with the regular lock! Get a restraining order from the court house let them listen to the recording!! Who pays all the Billā€™s? Whoā€™s name is on the lease? There are things you can doā€¦Are you vaccinated?? take all your important things, leave things you donā€™t care about there! Move to a womans shelter??..move in a Hostel?? for awhile till you get your feet back on the ground, but if your name is on that lease and his isnā€™t change those damn locks and put his shit outside!! And do not let him back in! Itā€™s called Stolkholm syndrome! Look it up!!

I did everything wrongā€¦i mentally checked out 2 years ago and started living on the internetā€¦searching for love and attention anywhere i could find it while pretending everything was ok on the outsideā€¦i wanted to kill myself but hid my feelingsā€¦with every fight and every threat i retreated further into my mindā€¦10 months ago i met a guy at my neighbors while with my abuser. We started talking through messengerā€¦just as friendsā€¦he was just as broken as meā€¦i fell in love and finally felt i had the strength to leave. But while i was looking for a place to rent, my husband found out about my relationshipā€¦it cost me my family and a lot of my friendsā€¦but i got outā€¦and am with an amazing man that shows me every day how kind love is.

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Grow a backbone and leave

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Emerge shelter for domestic violence can help. emergecenter.org

Pack a bag and leave.

Melzy Black read through the comments!

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Contact these people and make a plan, they can help you with accommodation and advice about money.
Be strong and commit to leaving because it will be the best decision you make I promise.

Itā€™s not gonna get better

Donā€™t reply and eat more food

Once you leave you will realize you never needed him. Trust me

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He is a NARCASISSITIC ASSHOLE

It will only get worse never better. You need to get out while u still can. My cousin was in a relationship like this but no one really knew until he kidnapped her and tried to kill her in a car she was lucky enough to talk him into stopping by a liquor store for her to get cigarettes but instead she told the clerk what was going on and locked herself in the bathroom til the police came.

It took me 13 years to walk away ā€¦. Just leave everything and walk away ā€¦ was the hardest thing I ever did

(Iā€™m slowly learning) the signs we ignore in the beginning will be the reason we leave in the end

Girl Iā€™m fixing to go threw one gell of a divorce with a narcissists. You got this.

It gets better. Leave.

Get all this on tape without him knowing . Can even put cameras in the house .

You will NEVER be happy or fulfilled here. It is hard but it is best to pick up and start over now. This sounds like my ex that I had my daughter with. Absolutely always has a double standard and extremely narcissistic. You may feel youā€™ve lost everyone but u havenā€™t lost yourself yet. That mental abuse takes quite a bit to get over, so much Iā€™m still not me and may never be me before him ever again. Save money and Plan your escape. Future happy you is depending on you now. Maybe seek help at a womanā€™s shelter or trusted friend or family member. Change your number and donā€™t remember his. Good Luck and donā€™t give in.

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From a manā€™s standpoint ,you need to get out now. Things will never get better. You donā€™t have enough love inside you to continue this abuse. I went through the same thing,always hoping it would get better and holding on to what we once had. Finally I left and left my her have everything, it wasnā€™t worth the fighting and stress. So at 54 I had to start over with nothing. It was tuff at first but 4 years later I realize itā€™s the best decision I have made. Best of luck, please donā€™t postpone it any longer.

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Reading this was triggering because i was in the SAME exact situation! For years, and we have 3 young children. He was even bakeracted a few times! So it was extremely difficult to choose what would be best for our children and myself. But 100% it will NOT get better! I promise that, because people like that will not just change one day. You HAVE to leave, no matter what, he will continue breaking you down until there is nothing left!
I called my mom and am here living with her for now until i find a place my kids and I.
I know you said you have no one but you have to dig deep and tell someone you trust about the situation so maybe they can help in some way.
Good luck!!! And if you need to talk just message me anytime!!!
:heart::heart::heart:

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Your not in love with him, your problem is that your totally addicted to him yes I said it YOU ARE TOTALLY ADDICTED TO HIM, he is your choice of drugs, and trust me you will walk or crawl away from him but only after he has disfigured your face and body because ā€œ if he canā€™t have you well then nobody will have youā€ he manipulates you easily and he knows it, GROW UP you ainā€™t a child you are a full grown female, stop making excuses as to why you canā€™t leave, I have no money boo hoo, no wonder no one wants to be around you, if you have or had a daughter would you want her to be in a relationship such as this one? There are many resources to help you out, however you need to take the first step, or are you gonna wait till he kills you and then himself, if your lucky cuz he might just cut you up so you canā€™t even stand to look at yourself in the mirror, yes it will have been all your fault as of right this moment you can walk away, recreate yourself my goodness build up your self esteem unless you feel you deserve what you are gettingā€¦ find a womenā€™s shelter in your area, and for the love of life donā€™t let him know where you are at, unless you like the way he treats you trust me it wonā€™t get any better it will get WORSE ā€¦ choose wisely,

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I was in the same boat last year my ex was super abusive mentally emotionally said horrible things to me used my illness against me etc I would cry myself to sleep asking myself is this normal eventually when I found out he was living a double life I said every work back to him took my shit and left never looked back you need to leave asap bc we donā€™t deserve that

Take what you can and run!! Nothing is worth more than your safety and your sanity.
You need to be prepared to lose everythingā€¦ and I mean, Everything. But trust me it will be worth it in the end.
Every day will be a battleā€¦ not with him, but yourself.
Donā€™t give up on YOU.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Best of luck!! :heart:

Unfortunately the relationship wonā€™t get better. You will have to leave. and never have contact with him again. NONE. How depends on how you can do it safely. Reach out to your local ywca or other resources. God bless you. It wonā€™t be easy but you must leave or continue living the way you have been. Please donā€™t wait.

Classic narcissistic personality my ex husband was the same in the end I woke up one day & decided that I wasnā€™t doing that S**t anymore, itā€™s hard to walk away my lovely but trust me you can do it, if heā€™s violent you can get an injunction against him so he canā€™t come near you, if he does you phone the police x

Never trust his crocodile tears, is just his way to make you forgive him.
Because he knew you love him so much.
I understand how is your feelings and your conditions, but trust me men like that he will never changes.
Leave him as soon as posible, before she hurt you more or hit you sister.
But i understand however others give you an advices, may be you still canā€™t solve your problem. Is depend to your heart and believe yourself.

Sounds like you love him more than yourself. Until you realize that you are worth more and deserve better you will continue to stay. A reminder that these types of relationships can end in the womanā€™s death. The next time the cops come grab your most valuable items and leave with them. Tell the cops you need protection and resources for abused women. I am so sorry you are going through this and I pray you love yourself more to start the beginning of the rest of your life.

He is a " narcissist " he will never change. I know because I was married to one for 30yrs. You seriously need to leave if you ever want a life. Stay Safe . He will destroy you piece by piece. Please donā€™t let that happen.

You need to leave, you will be absolutely fine quite soon after you get this man out of your life and you will wonder why you ever allowed any of this. I would contact womenā€™s aid or your local domestic violence centre (it doesnā€™t matter if he has never hit you or hurt you this is domestic violence he is controlling you and elements of your life, heā€™s gaslighting you, heā€™s scaring you) they will be able to get either the police to take the removal of him more seriously or help you make an escape plan that keeps you safe and they will emotionally support you, there are courses they can put you on thatā€™ll help educate you on whatā€™s happened to you and you can meet other women going through similar things and put you on the path to counselling if you need it, please donā€™t stay you deserve better :heart:

Find self-love (self-esteem, confidence, value) while you prepare to make arrangements to dissolve the current life you two have built regardless of it being difficult on the relationship side of things.

You want the idea of him being good. But he aint. So you need to take that love back and love yourself more. Once you accept that he isnt gonna change and nothing will change youll be able to see more that what youve known. Sometime you got to take a leap of faith. Talk to your family and friends explain your situation and see if theyll give a room for a while until youre ok enough to be on your own.

Itā€™s crazy how this feels . You constantly question yourself . If itā€™s you thatā€™s the fucked up one because thatā€™s what he tells you . If you are just over reacting. They will literally cheat and lie and still somehow make it feel like itā€™s your fault . They will take you to a place where you are so insecure and they will get mad at you for it. Any argument will turn into you attacking them . They will refuse to talk about anything leaving you feeling confused . Then they will love you . They will love you so hard that you forget . Everything is a struggle . Trying to have family time and he is always mad. The kids feel it too . I know Iā€™ve enabled him Iā€™ve let him drink everyday, smoke everyday, sleep in so he isnā€™t ā€œmadā€ or ā€œgrumpyā€ . I wake up with kids . I feed kids . Iā€™ve done everything to make life easier on him because he is " overwhelmed ". And what do I get him laughing at his cheating . Him mocking me . Telling me Iā€™m abnormal and crazy . Provoking me to question that . Iā€™m in this position and wish I could say its easy to walk away but itā€™s the hardest thing in my life.

Same boat I canā€™t do this 16 years 3 year affair I found out when she was 9.months pregnant he hasnā€™t spoken to her since tried to forgive him almost 2 years out a certain e has come in the form of accepting I can not do this I need to go ā€¦itā€™s a fucking mess

This whole site makes me sick as I was a victim of a woman who was making all this same stuff up and people believed her and it just was not true but with all these people that didnā€™t know the truth were advising her truthfully it was the internet that was part of the problem you can say whatever you want to and no one is checking the facts

It wonā€™t get better. As a survivor of abusive relationships it will only get worse. Reach out to dv shelters, get a dvi through the courts, stash away money, do what you have to to leave. Reaching out means youā€™re ready to leave. It isnā€™t impossible even if it hurts. It will hurt less once youā€™re away. Those that truly care will be waiting for you when you leave but donā€™t look back when you do. Connect with someone to help. I hope you take those first steps. All good things wait for you.

It takes a lot of strength to recognize and admit you are in an abusive relationship. Until you do, you will not leave. This will continue to happen. Life is very short and you will come to see it as you should. Only then will you take action. Make a plan and leave with what little dignity you have left. Get yourself some counseling because your self esteem is gone to keep accepting the unacceptable. I wish you safety and good health.

youā€™ll only ever get out of it if you leave yourself! he wonā€™t want to leave as he likes having someone to control itā€™s what they do! you will just have enough of it and leave, all those things like where to go ect are easily sorted go to your local council or contact a womenā€™s refuge! I got the courage to walk away after my ex one too many times threatened to kill me and hurt my family, held me against the wall and spat in my face being so angry. breaking my phones cutting me off from everyone ect I got my stuff and walked the fuck out, went to the nearest public place I could go and asked for help even when he was following me chucking lit cigarettes at me all sorts you just get the courage to just leave, itā€™ll sort it self out get the police to get a restraining order ect get some counselling and most importantly get safe!

Is there not a womanā€™s shelter in your area that you can contact . Have you a doctor who will take time to listen and guide you to a shelter.

No. It doesnā€™t get better. I am so sorry this is what is happening to you. I am in the middle of divorce proceedings right now and the only reason I feel any sense of safety and sanity is one; he is in jail in another state and two; I found a wonderful resource on YouTube,

Leaving is easy but once you do you gotta stay gone cut off all communication etc.

Prepareā€¦ have money, credit cards, a place to go. When he is at work, have movers come to pick up your belonging that you care about and then go. Where ever you live, just look up help for ā€œAbused Woman.ā€ Every city and county has something. Honey the fact that you are questioning, you already know. Leave sooner than later. He may end up killing you and you wonā€™t have a choice then.

You need to stand on your own two feet get rid of him and get new friends.

Sorry it does not get better !!! I was married to that very same guy so Iā€™m really sorry thereā€™s two of them!!! You are at the stage now that i is t doesnā€™t matter how much you love him heā€™s chipping that away n itā€™s becoming hate. Sorry :smiling_face_with_tear:ā€¦ now youā€™re going to have to get really pissed off more than youā€™ve been in your life ā€¦ not only at him but yourself for allowing him to do this to you ā€¦ you pack your bags n leaveā€¦ even if you have to sleep in your car for a few days!! The point is youā€™re away from him n made the breakā€¦ now keep repeating to yourself Iā€™m a human being,I deserve to be happy, I deserve to see my kids grow up and see what their lives will be and my grand kids, I have a God given right to live with that happiness and no one has a right to take that awayā€¦ I refuse to allow him to take my happiness away !! Iā€™m done !!ā€¦ thatā€™s what I did n slept in my car for over a week n showered at a friends house before work everyday !!! You can do anything you set your mind to when you get pissed off and have had enough misery ā€¦. Good luck sweetlyā€¦ God is with you n he will open doors got you :pray::+1::tipping_hand_woman::woman_shrugging: it was the best move I ever made in my lifetimeā€¦ that was 20 yrs ago n today Iā€™m watching my great grand daughter oh 18 months learn to play and talk !!!

I tried to get out now im back in my situation this are better now but they r slowly getting worse an worse every day

If you not marry to this person or have any tie to him what so ever I suggest run and pack your thing and donā€™t look back if you do you will end up in the same drama and it wonā€™t end it will get worse and worse and seems like this person is narcissist and Bi-Polar they will never change or love you they will love Bomb! you and then stomp on you at the same time so my advice run run as fast as you can and get a job start fresh without his drama bullshitā€¦do it so he doesnā€™t know you are planning to leave him because the minute they smell somethings up they will do whatever they can to lure you back into their selfish life and you wonā€™t be to break free do it while you can.

It wonā€™t get better. You will be happy one day but the road to happiness is hard. Only you can take that first step. And keep moving forward. You will take that first step to leave when you are ready and not before.

Leave and never look back cause am telling you he never ever going to change .

Go to a shelter it only gets worse.i lived with one for 10 years

My dear you need to if you are all alone being walk out you will have to leave everything behind you can always get more things look your life is more important they say theyā€™re going to change and they probably still never do it again but itā€™s a cycle it just keeps going and going and going and then finally it comes to a crossing point the words your life versus trying to please them you must lead and you must walk out when you think itā€™s safe enough to walk out and there are no one there and you walk out thereā€™s halfway houses out there get to a safe place we make a plan get to a safe place then you want to call for a halfway house that way they will help you If you have small children you must think about their lives you and children will be in danger you must leave leave everything behind thereā€™s a case There was a swollman and head too small children the the woman cat leaving and going back leaving and going back get to know Iā€™m sorry I wonā€™t do it again I promise well it started getting worse the bait and started getting worse pulling in all the curtains and rods and everything out off the wall of the windows put that person in front of that window no clothes on all the way around 22 windows but yet does not remember it then apologizes and you got to hide a baby into a closet knowing did that yā€™all donā€™t know whatā€™s going on and itā€™s frightened itā€™s time to leave itā€™s not quite right for children to hear and see such bad things going on in their lifetime but like I said when things happen you got to walk away you can always get a new phone you can always get new photograph you can always get new clothing you can always go to work and get money but you cannot replace your children are yourself all your family that person is very angry and violent you must get out thereā€™s a way to get out I got out you must make plans but donā€™t wait your life could be in danger and if you have children their lives could be in danger if I hadnā€™t left what I did me and my children would have died so therefore get to a safe place that no one knows that way he cannot or she cannot find out where youā€™re at that way your mom and dad and family will know you are okay and your children will be okay you can always start over donā€™t worry about all the stuff thatā€™s behind there your life is more important than material things my dear you will have to go and get a court order a restraining order keep him away from you and the children donā€™t go back to him because he promises it will never happen again it will only wind up horribly wrong therefore go to a different state go go where youā€™re happy If you have to take your name change the kidsā€™ names but donā€™t wait you and your childrenā€™s lives or escape you must leave If you keep count on your parents you can do so if you cannot didnā€™t I suggest you get away from there Now put your like in danger or others especially small children so if you have a smart phone lookup womenā€™s shelter for Abused and women shelter with children they will help you find a place to go remember once you make that choice eventually the choices will get better Iā€™m always going to feel like heā€™s behind you or heā€™s looking at you or heā€™s going to walk to that room at any given time. I mean itā€™s going to happen so therefore itā€™s going to take a little while for you to adjust in the children if you have children the children are going to want to go home to see daddy this time you cannot you got to keep going you guys think about you and your children for already number one and if you donā€™t have children you got think of your own self yeah things may have been better at home just letting you know and you just had to put up with this the screaming and yelling things being broken and that person downgrading you calling you every name in the book and telling you that youā€™ll never amount to things and and everything else and youā€™re thinking for yourself he didnā€™t for yourself and you donā€™t have no one hurting you are screaming at you youā€™re putting it down are making you feel like youā€™re not working today because youā€™re somebody in your worth it you work taking good care of It shows your children if you have children so like I said itā€™s worth getting out your life and your childrenā€™s life is more important been having somebody thatā€™s trying to hurt you to please for me get out everything will be okay itā€™s gonna be a little struggle but no matter how bad you think it is only away from you and be 40 times worse if you went back or could cause your life are your childrenā€™s lives So I suggest Please get out and remember God loves you He just loves you more than anything in the world you are his child So therefore just yourself fall and keep going forward no matter what goes on you just keep going forward I am very proud of you weā€™re trying to make a step to get forward to get on out of there God bless you

I just got up took what I had at his house and went home to my Motherā€™s.

The 1st time he leaves pack your bags get Out then

Loving your self enough to TRUST the process and believing you do have the STRENGTH- to take on a new journey that lies ahead for you. :white_heart:
FAITH LOVE TRUST

You are in deep shit you need to walk away now

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Sounds like you need a therapist to help with your self esteem, this isnt love

Once you are through this and out of this relationship you will be happy again.

Leave and change your direction.

We have nothing any more

Donā€™t wait for him to leave. You leave and start over

Omg girl, following because Iā€™m in the same exact boat as you!:muscle:t2:

Consider the possibility that you are addicted him more than really love him. It is the highs that you love.

I went to therapy two years ago and learned a lot about toxic relationships and how to handle them. I also learned how to reveal your toxic partners lies as their own insecurities and call them out on their shitty manipulative behavior and even stop them in their tracks about gaslighting you, but that took me two years to implement in my life. Iā€™ve been psychologically one-uping my boyfriend about his abusive tactics and am finally finding the courage to leave now that Iā€™m confident enough. Though thatā€™s my story. Leaving this man would be the best and soon. Especially going against him by seeing family and friends and gaining support would help tremendously in you leaving this scumbag too. Also Iā€™ve learned this the second year I was in therapy and my mind started to clear and focus on just me NOT him. Though, he doesnā€™t and has never cared about you and your ambitious dear. It was all an act. The moment he saw you, he knew he could use you and your kindness as ammunition and create more misery to fuel around him. Dear you fell into something not called love but love bombing and a monster behind the mask. The affection and attention heā€™s giving you isnā€™t genuine or loving it honestly is probably very invasive and youā€™re in denial with how he treats your own body. Like you said in your own words heā€™s using it to make you give into his toxic behavior. If you donā€™t respect yourself and start doing the things that make you happy like you once weā€™re. Heā€™ll always try controlling you. Where you go, who you see, even how long you can be at work. I started loving myself and respecting myself by putting down boundaries and stay away half the time. Heā€™s a very dangerous man too and heā€™d never bothered to approach my home unlike heā€™s threatened countlessly. These men are weak regardless of what they say their capable of. Itā€™s all bullshit and the sooner you see how much of a pathetic boy he really is. Youā€™ll pack your things and leave for the better.

If anything since youā€™ve already called the cops a few times and heā€™s acted his way out of it.

Iā€™d advise calling the Elizabeth Freeman Center. They help with domestic abuse and many other relationship based abuse or mistreatment. They can help you way more than a Facebook page, I promise.

Youā€™re very very strong for posting this, I wish you the best and I hope you dump that prickšŸ’–

Ladyā€¦ Iā€™m not saying this to be meanā€¦ But if you donā€™t get out now, weā€™re going to read about you in a news articleā€¦ it will not get better, it will only get worseā€¦ from the sounds of it love has blinded you and you have been brainwashed to think that this is a proper way of receiving loveā€¦ He does not love you he loves the ability of always having access to youā€¦ Get out now!!

I went through the same thingā€¦my husband and I would split up for a while and get back togetherā€¦in my mind I would save some money knowing heā€™d be gone soon againā€¦but I realized what I was experiencing wasnā€™t love but habitā€¦I had to put a stop to itā€¦yes it was heartbreaking for meā€¦yes it was scary at times but having him in and out of my life freaked havoc on me.

You donā€™t want drama,but the police have been to your house twice in one night, you donā€™t want to be with him,but you love himā€¦then you ask ā€œwhy do I want him?ā€ What the hell? Seek professional help.

If you stay with him, it 100% will NOT get better.

Step one:pack bags.
Step two:walk out the door.

Wooowwww. Magic. :roll_eyes:

Im so very sorry, get out now!!

Sad for you. Just stay alive.

What is more important to you? The house or freedom? Donā€™t make excuses, get out. All you need is your toothbrush and paste, any meds and leave. The rest is just material things. Your health and sanity way outweigh trinkets and wotnots.

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Are you confusing the adrenaline rush with love?

You need help. You need to get out of there right away. There must be somewhere you can go even if it is a womenā€™s shelter. Apparently you donā€™t have children, which is good at this point. His apologies are false. He is a narcissist and you will never be happy with him. It will only get worse. Get out immediately before he totally distroys you.

My ex would say some of the same stuff when in reality it was her who was doing these things making me feel I was the problem Iā€™m not saying I was perfect bit she was the one who was violent also going around talking behind my back and cheating I was convicted without a trial as I was blocked from my family she told our sons there was no one in her life then sends .text Inviting me over think it was him less than a weak split maybe she meant to send it to me as she did that kind of shit all the time . Knowing that it would set me off I never once raised a hand to her or cheated . In are thirty year marriage . My point is that we are only hearing one side in my case she had been planing her leaving two years at least . Before I knew it she slandered and lied and set me up and people believed her some without even .knowing me or the situation . All because she was a woman the worst thing was she used my sons against me she had been working on my youngest for a few years and somethings canā€™t ever be fixed it really burns my ass when I see all you people saying you need to leave him and that heā€™s no-good. .maybe that is the case as there are a lot of assholes out there but n one of these people no everything about your situation .I was blocked told I need to go away all so she could pretend she was innocent . How convenient is that.
.

Leave it will get worse

Find an abused women support group. Find out where to go for help. The relationship will only get worse. Find the courage and save yourself. Stop wasting your life on this sick controlling piece of human garbage.

It sounds so hard to do when you ask yourself how you will survive but it is honestly the best decision you can make in the world for yourself and your children! Plan your escape, put every cent you can aside, pack your bags and take them to a friendā€™s/the kids school/daycare if you have to. Buy up gift cards everytime you go shopping and store them somewhere safe. If you have to stay at a friendā€™s, do it! If you have to beg for food from Woolies, do it! They will give it to you, and if they donā€™t, ask again, and again! Eating carrots for three days straight is still better than what you are in right now (trust me, I have been there and I only think positivly about it now). Go to Centrelink, ask for help from every agency you can find, if you have to, get a tent and stay in a caravan park. It DOES get better! But it will never be better while you are stuck where you are. You and your kids deserve better and he will never give you that. Youā€™ve got this!