*Trigger warning: Child loss* Needing genuine advice

Ok… I am so looking for genuine input and not sympathy. I lost my two-year-old daughter very suddenly ten years ago. As a result, I became extremely unwell with PTSD and depression and was privately hospitalized. During that time, I burnt the inside of one wrist with cigarettes and now have about 19 round scars. (Kind of looks like reverse leopard print ). To stop this cycle, I had my daughter’s first and middle name tattooed with a small heart on my other wrist. Small, cursive writing. Neat and nothing showy. Was just for me. I have since gone one to have two boys with another partner (now 3 and 1). Now I’m not embarrassed by my scars at all. It’s a reminder of how far I’ve come-as I truly nearly died from my heartbreak. However, I am conscious that people do notice them, and occasionally I get questions about them. My answer changes according to the person asking. I’ve recently been thinking about adding my boy’s first names and a heart to my other wrist to match and to cover some of the scars. My boys have helped to heal my heart, and it maybe seems somewhat appropriate for their names to cover some of the heartbreak displayed on that wrist. I’ve seen multiple articles warning parents against letting their kid’s names emblazoned on a parent’s body as they may be embarrassed in the future. Will they be embarrassed when they’re older? If I don’t, will they be jealous that their sister has a tattoo and they don’t and think she’s more special than them? If I do get it done, will it just draw more attention to the scars? Do I wait until they’re older so they can have input? I’m torn.


I personally love the fact my dad has my name tattooed on him, and have never once been embarrassed!

U wont regret ur babies names ever

Do it. It’s not embarrassing at all. You do what makes you happy.

What a strong person you are. You should wear those scars with pride as you have overcome a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. Much respect​:heart::heart:


I say do it
It sounds like a beautiful idea :two_hearts::two_hearts::two_hearts:

In life we need our scars, to remind us of time, that wasn’t so great, you need to explain to them, that Hey your sister died, I loved her, I was very sad!

Why don’t you add a " ; " tattoo to the area. Then people will ask less questions? Also you can add names or whatever you like. It’s your body. :heart:

You do you girl. Hugs

I have both of my kids names on me. Embarrassed? I’ve never heard that before… Oh well :woman_shrugging:t3: I’m sure I’ll do much more embarrassing things… :joy:

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I have my kids names on my forearms. I love it and they do too. This is for you. Sending healing thoughts.

I think this is a beautiful ideal. Add your babies names to your wrist

I used to self harm as a teenager I have scars all over my forearm from it. I have also thought about covering them up with a tattoo but I realized that they remind me of what I was strong enough to overcome. I have been thinking about getting a semicolon tattoo on my wrist though. I think a lot of people know what that particular tattoo means now since it’s so popular.

I lost a baby during pregnancy and that stays with you. I am truly sorry for your loss.

I believe having your boys names nicely tattooed over the scarring represents a few thing for what you have said. They have helped heal you, this shows scaring and healing. It also shows that you will always remember your little girl. Its no one else is body to make judgement on. And if the boys know about their sibling they they wont be embarrassed by it.
It shows them all 2 as a unit even if it just by skin.
Ultimately its your choice and good luck with your choice.xo

As a mother who has also lost a child, mine was 13, I can tell you they have more of a chance being upset you only have the one name. I got my daughter’s name on my wrist then I put all their names on my other arm. Also I’m so very sorry for your loss.

I would get it if I were you. I have one daughters name and am soon getting my other daughters because she immediately asked where her name was…lol

No that would be lovely to have ur kids names :kissing_heart: brave lady
I got my daughter name on my wrist I took her into the tattoo shop with me 2 :slight_smile:

So sorry for your loss :cry:

Your body do tattoo what ever you want on it. Tattoos can always be covered when needed if in certain places. Your boys would love it more than anything.

You do what makes you happy❤️

You have other children and it’s your body … do as you please … they ( your kids) will always have your heart and if no one likes it tough shit … your kids will know you love them regardless

You’ll never regret it and I think they’d like it. I have both my kid’s names on my foot. Neither one have a problem (13 and 9). They think it’s awesome.

Go for it! I think it’s a great thing to do.

No child would ever be embarrassed! Get it

Your very strong momma, I have my oldests name tattooed and she loves it, but she’s only 6 so I’m not sure if that will change once she’s older. I’m planning to get my boys names tattooed as well. I think it’s beautiful how you said they helped you heal, so there names covering your scars would be very meaningful :heart:

I think it’s a lovely idea you put it beautifully they healed your heart my oldest son has his brother’s name with a pattern we designed on his arm we lost him when he was 3 oldest was 5

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it’s about you, not about them. Do you! And if they are embarrassed., teach them. I do my life for ME, NOT for what anyone else thinks. Teach them to remember your child, you did this. They should not ever be embarrassed by this.

They have nothing to get embarrassed over. It’s your body. You do with it what you want. I’d get them if I were you, just to keep everything fair. I think it’s a great idea!

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I would definitely. I was a heavy cutter and would burn myself at a teen. I have mine covered with a big tattoo. I would use madirma to lighten the scars so the ink will stick better. But if definitely makes them less noticable

I think it’s a beautiful idea!

Im maori and have a tribe tattoo that incorporates my 3 boys need to get the 4th added and the 3 babies I have lost

You could always put their initials and maybe dob with hearts around it!

Thats the first I’ve ever heard of that. My mother has my name on her wrist and I’ve never been embarrassed. and I have my son’s on my leg ( gotta get my second boy) added. But he loves it Do what makes you comfortable and happy

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I got my daughter’s name and i dont regret it and when im older and have other kids im going to get their names

I’ve lost two of my children. In a car accident in 2016, I have an older son and a younger daughter. I had a special tattoo drawn out for my son and daughter who passed. It took me a long time to figure out what to put as a reminder, but I figured it out and on my other arm I’m doing a piece that goes together but it’s for my children who are still with me. I think it’s a great idea. It may seem silly but it will help you heal, I think covering up some of your scars with their names is an amazing statement for you or anyone you meet. Heeling from a loss of a child is the worst pain in the world. If it’s something that you want to do, I say you should do it. Your boys will always love you, because you are a strong amazing woman who has lived through the most horrid thing and now you are able to love again. Be proud and be strong. You got this mama :heart::kissing_heart:

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I am now 33 and my dad had my name put on him when i was very young, i absolutely love it and am definitely not embarrassed by it, i think you have a great reason for it and it symbolises how far you have come :heart::heart:

I would do it. I have never heard of kids being embarrassed about something like that. Realistically, something you do will embarrass them, because they will be teenagers. I would get the tattoo.

I think that would be a wonderful thing to do.

My mom has my name on her & I have my daughter’s name taking up my entire right forearm. As a kid & teenager I loved that my mom had my name on her. Made me feel special. :heart:

I have all 3 of my children’s names on me and don’t regret it

Get it I don’t know any person ever embarrassed of there name on there parents skin

I LOVE my dads and my mums tattoos of myself and my siblings on them !!! Simple names and a whole lot of love behind them :heart:

You do what you have to babe !!

Secondly YPUR ANA AMAZING WOMAN so strong you should be so proud xx

I tattooed over some scars and nobody sees the scars anymore.

I’ve never heard “don’t get tour kids names”. A lot of people I know have their children’s names or birthdates. Do what you feel is best.

It’s your body and they’re your children. If you wamt them on your body, do it!!!

Go with your heart hun… Always do what you feel is right for you… Doesn’t matter what anyone else says/thinks! Well done for your bravery and wear your scars with pride… Every single person has scars… some are just on the outside… X

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As a survivor myself of a lost child. My 2 other children are tatted on me and my oldest is so proud and points it out she is 13.

I have my children on me and they love it

Why would a child be embarrassed? Thats crazy.The love you’ve described.That u hav for all ur kids.Not just the boys.Ur daughter also.Is precious.They will not b embarrassed.They’ll love it.Because its on their Mom.That loves them soo much​:blue_heart::purple_heart::blue_heart:

Honey God bless you. If it brings joy to you then do it. It’s about you only you. Your boys will always be proud of their momma!

And yep my daughter was jelly because my son’s were bigger and better (because tatts weren’t a big thing when I got hers) but I got another one and covered her first one

IMO we as parents embarrass our kids no matter what. Having a tattoo with their names is the least of the embarrassment you will ever do lol.
As for the tattoo on the wrist if the scars remind you of what you have overcome you could possibly sit down with an artist to either do a tattoo with the scars as an intricate part of the tattoo or a way to disguise the scars. You should really think about what you want. Do not allow other’s judgements to dictate what you do.

My ex stepmom has us on her back it never bothered us. I also have 2 of my 4 kids names, DOB and weight in heart shape on my shoulder blades on my back. They were little when i got them done but have never said anything about it. They are now 10 and 7. I plan on getting the rest of my kids a tattoo as wel, just havent had the money to do so yet. I will also be getting a small one for my angel before my daughter.

Maybe add a poem or pic to each one to symbolize the hurt and healing

If they’re ever embarrassed it’ll probably be when they’re like 12-16 when everything embarrasses them anyway. I think the symbolism of placing their names over your scars is beautiful.

I am so sorry for your loss. I think it’s a lovely idea to honor all your children in that way. My mom has a tattoo with all my siblings names and myself. We are not embarrassed by it at all . I thought it was a sweet gesture. And just shows how much love you have. I wouldn’t worry about anybody else and what they will think. Whatever makes you happy, Whatever makes you heal, do just that! You have overcome so much and the right people will love and support your decision.

My dad has mine and my siblings names on his arm! I love it, my brother has his daughters and so does his wife. I’ve thought about it but haven’t really wanted to. I don’t think they’d be embarrassed and I think they’d understand if you do decide not to get their names, and why you have their sister’s. I love the symbolism of putting their names on the opposite wrist. There’s a lot to consider, but you’ll make the right choice no matter what it is.

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Sending love, strength and healing!!

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There are tattoo artists that specialize in covering self harm scars so I would recommend looking for one in your area. I’m so sorry for your loss I can’t even imagine

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I too lost my 5 year old daughter and have her name on my arm - I will be adding her little brothers name to my body - I was hoping to have another baby but so far 3.5 years later and 35K later still no baby - I love having her on my arm and my son who is now almost 8 is asking to have his name on me too


Im not embarassed my parents have my name tattooed on them, they have a reminder when they get senile and forget our names (4 of us) soooooo.

Last part is supposed to be funny.

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God bless you and yes I would add their names.

My boys loved me getting a tattoo of them; I’m sure yours will too.

Maybe just initials instead if you decide you don’t want to do their names. That way it still symbolizes them, but remains some of their privacy as they grow

I to self harmed due to childhood issues and I have both my children’s names on me and on my wrist you can no longer see it now I think it’s lovely my eldest is ten and she loves it my youngest is 2 so he dont understand yet go for it they will love it x


I would add their names. No shame or embarrassment in that. If they get embarrassed it will be their early teen years. But will grow out of it


I’ve never heard of the embarrassment of a mother having her children’s names tattooed on her body. My SIL has her 3 kiddos and a heart tattooed on her, I think my brother has a matching tattoo, but he’s always wearing long sleeves, so I never see it lol. You could do hearts and their initials? It’s really your choice, but it sounds like something super positive to do.

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I have 5 stars on the back of my neck that represents my 3 nephews and 2 younger brothers and they think it’s cool, the ages of them vary from (13-19) also I’ll be getting my daughters name, my angel baby and my niece tattooed… I don’t think your boys will be embarrassed at all!

My son is 13 years old, I had maddison put on my foot when he was 1, now 13 and I am having mason put opposites my youngest daughter’s name. My son is transgender and is not embrassd about maddison or when mason is done. I would not be embrassd

Just do it …they probably will do the same when they grow up …cover them scars that have made u so sad with the guys that make you happy now go for it …

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I think its a good idea to tattoo your other children’s names. I dont see why it would be embarrassing to them. I dont think it would be something to show their friends anyways as it’s something between the family

1 bereaved mother to another.
Do whatever you need to.
I think as the boys get older they will understand.
And be proud of what you have been through encourage them to blow out candles on a cake for her birthday. And talk about her lots.

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First, I want to tell you how deeply sorry I am for your great loss. You do what you feel is right. My daughter was born still and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through. I had her date and time of birth/death tattooed on my right wrist in small Roman numerals. People sometimes ask me what it stands for and I tell them it’s to remember my daughter. I feel those are the only times anyone brings her up and I don’t get into detail but it allows me to speak about her. That is in my own twisted small way of proving she existed. You do what feels right. There is no handbook for etiquette on parents who have lost their children. Don’t worry too much about what everyone else will think :heart:

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As a mother that lost a child I totally know how you feel. Yes you do go through something and we all react differently. I did alot of crazy stuff that I normally wouldn’t have done but here’s the thing you don’t have to answer to anyone abt your scars. Ppl shouldn’t ask in the first place however everyone is curious but when you feel it’s the right time to open up and tell ppl what you went through then you’ll tell them until then just simply say I’m not comfortable discussing that if that doesn’t work tell them flat out it’s none of their business

Let me start by saying I am so sorry for your loss. Both my boys were born in Hawaii and I had their names tattooed and they are now 21 & 23 and love that I have it!
I have one grandson by my youngest son and I’m thinking of having his name or something to represent him as he just went through a major surgery and I feel I want something to represent him as well. The scars are apart of who you are and how far you’ve come… never be ashamed or embarrassed of that. Sometimes our stories can true help to heal others. Thank you for sharing something so painful with us.:heart:

First let me say I am truly sorry for your loss and how strong you are. :heart: second I have my daughters name on my back. I’m pregnant with my second and I have not decided if I will get this ones name tattooed on me at all. It is really your decision (obviously) because if your kids are embarrassed by that at all when they are older (I doubt that will happen) the good thing is they don’t have to look at it if they don’t want too. You birthed them, you will forever have scars on your body from each of their pregnancies so why not have a beautiful permanent reminder for YOURSELF! :heart: if it helps you feel better about you then girl I say do you! :heart::kissing_heart:

I am planning a tattoo for my daughter but I’m waiting until she’s a little older and I know her likes and dislikes more (she’s only 16 months atm). When I get mine I want her tattoo to have details about her not just her name. Maybe her favorite animal as an outline or in her favorite color once she chooses one. In your case I wouldn’t hesitate to add those babies names though :wink: it’s a nod to all of them that they are loved. I’d never be embarrassed of the love that was shown for me

I don’t think a child would ever be embarrassed to have their names on their parents body. I know my bf, his dad has his brothers name and not his and THAT hurts him

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My daughter to this day is pleased that I have her name on my shoulder she’s almost 47

My daughter loves her name tattoo!

Try getting something to symbolize you overcoming your heartbreak over the scars and their names somewhere else. I have a phoenix over my scars for still I rise and my children’s names are elsewhere

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I think your reasoning that they helped to heal your heartbreak it’s an AMAZING reason for you to do it. And even if they do get embarrassed, you’re a parent embarrassing your kids is part of the gig, right? Lol.


Why would they be embarrassed? Ive never heard such thing. I have 4 kids, i have all their names, and they all love it. My two middle boys have a step mom now who loves them dearly and even she has their names tattooed along with her sons. And my kida thought it was an amazing gesture for her to do thar. Because she loves them and considers them her kids as well.
I see no reason any child would be embarrassed. And i feel they would feel left out if you did not add them. I would definitely do it.

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I think it’s a beautiful thing and I think you sons would be honored


It’s a proud moment and I think when you explain the reasoning behind it to your kids when they get older they will be proud that they were able to help you not ashamed or embarrassed! Embrace what makes you you! You overcame a lot:)


My daughter was 5 when I had her name tattooed. I let her pick the font and she went with me to watch it done. She is 9 now and still love to look at it! I say do it, and include your boys in the decision making, so that it is a family masterpiece!

My mom got my brother and I on her arm( it’s a huge tat) when we were both teens and we loved it

My son asks me to finish my tat for him. He knows I started it. He sees it as an honour. I don’t believe your sons will be embarrassed by a simple tat. I think those kids that are us bc the tat wasn’t tasteful to begin with. And yes their sister was special, they will never meet her here but will know her by your stories and they will know where you went and came from. My son and I have a different relationship than my daughter and I, he watched were we went and how far we came back.

You are incredible. May be when your boys are a little older they’ll be embarrassed for a while, but they will come to understand what an incredible mother you are. Do it up Momma! I’m so sorry you had to go through such a tragedy, but so happy you have been able to overcome it.

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Right there on my chest is where I chose to put my daughters name. I was a single mom from day 1. Got the tattoo when she was maybe 2. She is my world. Shes now 15. I got married when she was almost 11 then a yr later had twins. They are now 3. I will add their names to each side of hers (in like a semicircle) her very soon. I have multiple other tattoos. But my kids (especially my oldest) are my everything. This pic is from when it was just me and her.

Your kids arent going to be like mom has a tattoo of my sister and not us, unless you’re raising aholes. You have a couple options, find an artist who knows how to work with scars and get your scars covered, tell ppl to mind their business, say the truth, say childhood accident.
Personally, I’d do a tribute with all the kids… you dont have to have a tattoo completely in mind, just find a great artist, and let them know… :heartpulse::heartpulse::heartpulse:

I wouldn’t be embarrassed as a child, id say do it

I have my kids on my wrist my son is 19 daughter 15 and other daughter is 9. No one is embarrassed my kids love it actually especially my 19 year old son. I think you have an awesome and meaningful idea and I love that. Do it. :wink: :blue_heart:

I’d say do it. The ones that say it’ll be an embarrassment truly have no idea. Don’t mind what others think they don’t know you or your kids. A tattoo is art and a window to your heart. :heart:

My brother has me, our brother, our sister, my oldest son, and my sisters son all tattooed on him. We aren’t embarrassed at all and neither is my 10 yr old or my sisters 11yr old. They think it’s awesome. He’s been talking about getting my 2yr olds name on him as well! We take pride in the fact that my brother loves us enough to put our names on him. His girlfriend doesn’t mind it either.

I think you should do it!! Every time you look at those scars you will see your precious boys’ names and be grateful for the strength they gave you :heart:

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I don’t have any tattoo but I can’t imagine a better image than your babies’ names. I’ve never heard of anyone’s kids being embarrassed by that. Sorry for your loss.

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My dad has a tattoo of Elmo with my name under it, because Elmo was my favorite. I’m not embarrassed at all by him having my name on him. I plan to eventually get my girls names or initials.

DO IT!!! Literally my favorite one.

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Had my oldest daughters name tattooed on my wrist when she was 1 1/2 shes now 9 and I have another daughter who is 1 and when her sister was born she made sure I got her sisters name tattooed as well! She loves them!

:heart: woman … Do not care what anyone says about your scars! You are here and I’m proud of you! I too have burn scars. They are on my upper thigh where no one can see. Im sorry for your loss but so very thankful your boys have helped with some of your heartache. I dont think they would be jealous if you didnt get their name on you. You do you :heart: I do like the thought of what you said about covering some of them up. Embrace them. Not sure how clean burnt they were but turn them into flowers or something with the boys names.

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