*Trigger warning: Domestic violence* My husband makes our kids stay upstairs and says mean things to me: Advice?

This is being posted so we can offer this girl support and love and resources. ABSOLUTLEY NO BASHING WILL BE TOLERATED So I have been wanting to post for awhile now I have 3 girls with my husband hes never wanted kids, we was together for month I got pregnant he went to prison 3 years got out had 2 more 1 on birth control, evreyday he makes them stay up stairs to play he never wants them down stairs when hes home from work if they are hes calling them names or just being mean hes always calling me names I hate it I’m over I’m done with him just have no family and I only get ssi idk how I can take care of my girls just on ssi, another thing he wants me to always suck his dick I dont want to how he makes me feel and treats us, but hes never ate me out ever he said he did with his exes if he was drunk I dont want it but I’m like why should I half do it to u if I dont get anything he says our sex life is over hes ready find someone that’s going do more things with him in his 1 life, he calls me names evreyday tells me I’m horrible cook cuz idk how cool much he wants fried chicken idk how hes held a gun up to me being drinking said I would like blow your face off all time talking about how he would kill me or just hurt me he never put his hands on us but I just cant take this.


I think you need to take your kids and leave. You don’t want them growing up thinking that’s how a man is supposed to act. Child hood trauma sticks with people into adulthood and really tends to mess people up. Sounds like you deserve better. You can always find a women’s shelter and ask them for guidance or help. Talk to family or friends etc
No one should put up with that it won’t get any better


They should have a local women’s shelter. They can help you get out. If not there are a lot of churches!! Please leave and get help! If not for you; for your babies!


Babe! Get your babies and go! Anywhere. Anywhere has to be better. If he says it…who’s to say hes not gonna get ridiculous drunk and do it. You need to run as fast as you can and never ever look back. Please!


Get your kids out of that situation, not even something that should need to be a discussion. I really dont see why women allow this crap to happen and then ash what they should do…its clear, leave! Those poor kids dont need to be put through that.

Check women’s shelters please for you and your children leave this man

Get out of there NOW! Take your kids and go. Look up recources in your area and just do it please for you and the babies.

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Sweetheart its not easy to find the strength to get out in these situations. Fone womans aid. Might be called something different in your part of the world.
Its one thing to allow yourself to be abused quite another to let your kids take it. Get out of it now. U owe it to the girls.

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Leave ASAP! For yours and the kids sake. Use every resource available. Good luck

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Find a womans shelter, or call the cops so they can physically get you out of the house and away from him. And so its documented, the abuse, and god forbid he tries to get the kids the court will see the police report and absolutely not give him any rights to his children. I’m so sorry you have to go through this, and I wish you had friends or family that could help you. But please get out of there, before it’s too late, before those kids end up with no mother to protect them from that monster

Ok… There are solutions for your situation. I would suggest that your first step be too get domestic violence counseling, them help you locate local resources and assistance in addition to helping you formulate a safety plan that works for you. You can do this :heart:

Leave him. Any way you can. Is there a reason you cannot get a job?

You’re in a very abusive relationship. You should consider going to a shelter. They would find you an affordable house for you and your children. If you stay and someone finds out what has been happening there you could lose your children as you are not protecting them ( from hearing name calling, emotional abuse, and more importantly you had a gun to your head and he threatened to kill you. Next time all.he has to do is pull the trigger and your kids will find their mother dead and never be the same) I know its scary. But you really need to go to a shelter and get your own place before he actually kills you

You can totally do this!!! There are resources everywhere and you need to get out for the children first and foremost. You’ll get money from child support and maybe find some help from family and friends. He’s not the end all be all and you don’t need him! You are strong!! Make a plan and leave. Lots of love to you and your kids. :heart:


Walk away and don’t look back

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Is there a local Women’s shelter you can reach out to for help? A safe shelter or something similar, close to where you live? They may be able to help you find housing, etc, to get you out of that situation.

U can make it on ssi. I have two kids and i am a single mommy. There is times its hard but u can do it 4 u and your girls

Get out! Everyone women shelter. Salvation Army. Get as far away as you can. Leave when hes at work. You and your kids dont need that!!!

You know it pisses me off that y’all post this dumb shit but when I ask y’all to post something you won’t. So fuck this group I’m out

You need to LEAVE that man immediately! Not is he only being abusive towards you he’s verbally abusive towards your children. I know it’s hard to leave in situations like this search for women’s domestic violence shelters go to one of them untill u can get on your feet. Leave while he’s at work don’t say a word. There’s a place where I live that will send a cab to ur house for you pay for it they help u get out of that situation as easy as possible. If you don’t want to go to a domestic violence shelter call some family or friends see if they can let you stay with them untill u & ur children get on ur feet. Also if you are afraid he will hurt u or ur children if you leave put a restraining order on him so he can’t contact you and so he can’t come near you or the children. I don’t condone keeping children away from their dads but this guy is a piece of work an probly wouldn’t even care honestly. but seek help even call your local police station see if they know any where that can help you. But I say get u and your children out of that situation quickly

You CAN do this!! You need to leave asap before he actually pulls the trigger

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My mother was in abusive relationships since I was a child. (Except for my wonderful dad) I remember the verbal and eventual physical violence. She would have rather stayed in the relationship because she had no where else to go. I can guarantee your children know what is going on, there are so many places that can help you. Please do it for your babies and yourself. It is going to be so hard but well worth it in the end. I promise you. You can do it! I will be praying you and your kids.

You need to get out ASAP. I don’t know where you are but if you want to private message me I would gladly try to help you find some resources to assist you. I know people that work with the women’s shelter in my area. I can talk to them and see if they can give me some advice for you. :pray:t2:

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Go to a women’s shelter. Break the pattern before it gets out of hand

being on ssi you can get more help from the state, call 211 (united way) they can give you numbers to resources that can help you and your kids get out and to be able to support your kids. you need to get you and those babies out NOW!!!

Leave. Worry about the rest later, as far as how you will live off of ssi. Don’t let that be the reason you stay. Please.

It’s not easy but there is help out there. You would be better off leaving. If he is treating you guys that way he will one day kill you or hurt you guys really bad. It sounds like he needs alot of help. Do yourself a favor and get out of there and get help.

Is that the environment you really wanna bring your babies up in? Leave. Now. They don’t deserve that. And neither do you.

Leave him. Kick his ass out

A gun and your still there… What the fuck

Domestic Shelter in a another town pack what you can get your money and go birth certificates shot records call uber to meet you around the corner and get your kids and get out

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You have to leave. If not for yourself, for your children. He’s abusing you…and them. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible. There are resources out there to help you. Find a domestic violence organization in your area. They will help with counseling, housing, education and job placement. Also, they offer legal services to protect you and your children. If you continue to stay he will destroy you and your daughters. You got this…one step at a time. Stay strong mama :two_hearts:


Get your girls and go to a shelter. If you don’t care about your safety, that’s your choice, but you have an obligation to protect your children. When he goes to work next, take your children and your belongings that are most important to you and get out of there. He will kill you or at least attempt to.

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So I moved to Kentucky 400 miles away from any family. Couldnt work because of reasons. Had 2 kids with the dude I moved to KY for. For 5 years he cheated on me, threatened me, and controled me. Put his hands on me while I was pregnant. After my youngest was born I finally had enough, called the cops on him. While he was in jail, I called my dad and brother, they came to get us. Took me back to Alabama. I lived with my parents for 3 years. Met my husband, and now I’m finally happy and safe and loved. You have to protect your kids and yourself at all costs. Make some calls, get a divorce, get custody, and just healing. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.


Leave now! For the sake of your innocent children .

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Get out before he hurts you or your babies.

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I’m so sorry I would go to a woman’s shelter ASAP or to a family or friends house. There are many resources available to help you. Start by calling 211.


You need to find a women’s shelter a leave


Go to a women’s shelter. There are resources that can help. Google your local resources. You definitely need to get out of there. As soon as possible.

U need to.leave b4 he ends up hurting u and leave his kids without a mom
U say u get ssi. U can find an all Bill’s paid place. I see them all the time…girl u just need to be motivated enough to.make the move

Cause if.u dont and he hurts u or worse and all yr kids are forced to live with him cause mommy’s gone they are gonna have a horrible sad life. Worse than now. Please.


Get your girls and run. Get a restraining order. Find a domestic violence counselor and shelter. Consult a lawyer about divorce, custody, and child support. Your girls need you. They need you to be strong, show them the way, and protect them and yourselves. You can do this.


Please take your children and leave, for your safety and theirs. There are women’s shelters that will take you in until you can find a job and get back on your feet. Don’t let him know where you or your kids are.


Sounds like he needs to just disappear forever… doubt he would be missed.

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Low income apartments or house. When I left my abusive husband I actually got a check to live in the apartment complex I was in because my income was so low.?Food stamps. Any kind of help your state offers. Some states also have shelters and places to help get you on your feet. No one deserves the life you and those babies are living. I’ve been there and my heart breaks for you and your littles.

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I would DEFINITELY recommend your local womens shelter…I’m sure it’s not what you think…you can go there with your kids and just the clothes on your back and they WILL help you and no men are allowed on the grounds so he qont be able to come after you.they will.help.you file a restraining order so he cant bother you or the kids at all.its scary but I went with three kids and it was the BEST decision!! By the second day you feel.SO refreshed and happy and free.good luck hun!!! YOU CAN DO IT !!!


This has to be said. As far as the children that were unwanted from the beginning (and you acknowledged this) you have to take responsibility for that. You decided to remain and stay in this to continue having more children. You can move forward with these children. You decide what to do not any one of us here in this public post. All I am saying is that you also have to take responsibility for the decisions you made. There are resources for you and you have to make this decision for your children. No one else can do this but you.


It’s one thing when we as adults are in these horrible relationships but if anything please get out for your children’s sake (and yours too). I promise you it will not get better and it WILL get worse! Make a plan A,B ,C do not tell him you are leaving, but do tell a close friend. You can go to a shelter that will help you get into more permanent housing.


Your the only one that can make it happen. Look for resources in your area and start making a plan to get out. It took me 16 yrs to walk away from mine because he wasn’t physically abusive but was mentally. It took me almost losing my kids to make me open my eyes. If you want out bad enough you’ll make it happen

If you get SSI you will also qualify for food stamps and WIC ( program to provide formulas and baby food to little ones) and possibly energy share ( which some states have to help pay heat& electric) look for women’s shelters, contact churches in your area and explain what is happening and why you need help to get away from him. You can do this for you, but especially your sweet babies. Praying for the strength you need and help to take the first difficult steps on your own. Best of luck mom. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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Wait until he leaves and take only what you need and run bbg. This is not healthy :disappointed:


Run fast and run far. Find a local womens shelter take the kids and your clothes and get out. Everything else can be replaced.

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Get a restraining order FAST and get out. Make sure you tell anyone that is dear to you. You need others to know incase something happens. I know it’s scary and not what you want but kids first.

You need to leave. It will be hard but you need to. He needs some help, you will probably need therapy as will your girls. You need to get them out. Call 211 and see what your local resources are. There might be groups willing to help you get on your feet. Call the police department and make sure that you can get a restraining order in place. Please get you and your girls out, you all deserve better. Seriously 211 can help.

This us the time to act as you normally do ,pack up stuff of your girls and make a plan , dont argue just be as normal as possible then when’s hes at work seek help call hot line and get help now . Dont confront him dont tell him your leaving . Get a po box and have your ssi cks sent there .

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Leave but don’t give him a clue you’re leaving. Make sure you do your research so you know where you are going and get out and don’t turn back. You made it without him when he was incarcerated for 3 years. You can do it. Your babies will give you the strength.

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Run while hes at work go to a crisis center

The best thing you can do is leave. I went through this with my ex husband except for the last year he did physically put his hands on me. The day he put a knife to my throat was the day I left. He beat me for over 3 hours before I could get a phone to call the cops. He went to jail for 2 hours and we had a no contact order. They would not let him back at the house even though it was in his name. We were allowed to continue to live there. Starting over was the hardest thing. I was only making 11k a year at that point. I didnt know how we were going to survive. But one thing I can tell you is it was the best decision I ever made. Us moms can do anything we put our minds too. Especially when it comes to caring for our children and keeping them safe. It has now been 3 years and I have a great job, full custody of my kids and I bought my first house on my own a year and a half ago. We still struggle but we are happy now. They are places that will help you. Contact local womens shelters and domestic abuse hotlines. They will put you in the right direction. Local churches and organizations will also help. Get away NOW before he does do something to physically hurt you because it will happen. I really thought that last day he was going to kill me. You and your kids deserve better!!!

I raised 6 children on welfare and then SSI. It’s not easy but can be done. There’s also foodstamps. And depending on where you live subsidized housing or section 8.contact your local welfare office. They will tell you what is available for you. Never stay in a situation like you’re in.

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Get out of there!! Go straight to he police and stay the hell away from him for yours and most importantly your children’s!! It will get worse.

Leave. Ita extremely important you leave today

I’d try counseling. If they didnt work I would file for custody, and support and get out. I was in the same situation and my kid remembers everything and he was only 3. Save yourself and your child hun

Find a womens shelter and leave with the kids when he’s not there!! Make sure you and the babies are safe.

Take your girls and go to a shelter for abused women and children. They will get you and your girls the help you all need and help you get into the direction you need to go. Do not tell him what you are planning. Just make the phone calls and go for the safety of your self and your children.


Go to a battered women’s shelter. They can help you relocate to a new area away from him. Also, if you receive SSI, you should also get a benefit check for each child. Your babies need to see ypu safe and happy. If you have to, walk away with nothing but your kids and your safety. I’ve been there. Shelters will help you get back on your feet. The one we were in helped us find a house and helped with furniture and kitchen and other household needs. Please, for the sake of your and your children’s mental and physical wellbeing leave. Prayers for you and your children

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Take advantage of the system that was built for women in your position. Apply for as much government aid as you can. Find government funded housing units or get section 8. Apply for food stamps. Get the hell away from him and file for a divorce. Then throw the book at him and make sure that man pays child support for each one of his children. You’ve got this, momma❤ stay strong for you and your babies

He has a gun AND threatened you with it and he is a convict? Send his ass away.

Find a woman and children’s shelter and let them know everything that’s going on. Get full custody and he will owe you child support by law. You will also be able to get more government assistance once you are away from him as well…you are never stuck please don’t ever feel you are! There is help out there. Please go before you or your girls are seriously hurt one day

I think you know exactly what you need to do. Gtfo of that very dangerous situation, ur kids don’t need to be raised around that or their gunna have some hella issues

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If you stay in that situation it will ruin your girls they will be more accepting towards that treatment as they will think it is normal. They will end up with depression and anxiety as they get older. Doesn’t matter how much money you have or anything you need to protect those girls!! For gods sakes do not let him or anyone he knows where you are or that you are leaving pack essentials and get out when he’s gone. Been in a similar situation but it was also physical I got out for my sons sake. No matter how much they say they will change they can. And they won’t!!

Reach out for resources in your community before you and those sweet babies are on a tragic news story the longer you stay the more emotional/childhood trauma you are doing to those girls show your girls they deserve better show them how strong you can be you CAN and MUST do this !

Please leave… Dv leads to death… Please keep you and your children safe… If he never wanted them I would never leave them alone with him… I am praying you get out for the safety and well being of all involved

Off topic, but not really. Get yourself tested. I may be out on a limb, but he may be bisexual. It happens in prison. A lot. And leave. He sounds terrifyingly dangerous!

This is so sad. Get those kids outta there

Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical you shouldn’t be tolerating it. Take your kids and go its gonna be hard yes but it’s not impossible :heart_decoration:

My kids dad would do the same. He would make all 3 of us stay upstairs so he could have peace and quiet downstairs. I forget these details because it’s been so long since we broke up…but leave. If he’s not hitting you yet he will be. What kind of a father treats his girls that way. No leave.

LEAVE !! Figure out your resources financially theyare dv shelters… its not ideal but I have been in your situation!

Please call the closest battered women’s shelter and get you and those kids OUT.

I raised two girls on social security. Actually, we had more food, we’re happy and healthier!! Don’t even worry about money at this point. Get out now!!!

Please call a local shelter and save you and your babies!!! Im so sorry mama.

You definitely need to get you and your children out of there. Before something happens and you can’t. There are places you can go places that will help you get away. Look into it. Prayers for you and your children

Oh Honey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You and your babies deserve so much more! A woman’s shelter can help you make a plan to get away from this horrible excuse for a man. Please get out now, before he hits you or your children. Sending you lots of love and strength.

Dont leave!!! Find a church or a family attorney, dont screw yourself and your kids out of their home. Legal separation…it worked for me like a charm! Whether he signs or not is irrelevant. He will have to go, provide an automobile and a roof over yalls heads. He can agree or be garnished. There is no expiration date on a legal separation, I found this out because I needed to keep my medical insurance…the kids too, but that’s automatic, just state it to your attorney. He will have to send child support and separate maintenance. You can get a grant as a single mother and get a check and go to school. A year after its dont I can guarantee you’ll be in a stable mental place and be so much happier. This will only get worse as well as reinforce to your kids that this is condoned and acceptable…set the bar higher!! Prayers for you to be strong! For you kids, but for you too…you’ll need to be healthy and happy for them!!


First of all im so sorry this is happeing to you and your babies. No one deserves to be treated like at all! Get out, theres nothing there to benefit you and those girls. If you need to go a shelter until you can get stable for your babies and yourself, then do it. I couldnt imagine what you are going through, but i pray one day you find your self worth becasue you deserve so much more than that!! God bless you and your girls!!

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Kick him out to to human services housing food stamps ect

If you need help finding DV services in your area (which you should qualify for) please let me know in my inbox. I’m pretty good at finding social services within the US. You have to make a plan and go, worry about supporting yourselves once you’re safe. Violence typically escalates. He’s making it clear what he’s capable of, please believe him. DHS in the US has DV grants. They will pay for a hotel, then pay for you to move into an apartment. Disability services might help as well.

I’ve been in your situation. It is hard to get out but knowing you need to get out is a step in the right direction. My advice is look at domestic violence shelters. They help you get back on your feet they did. My ex would search my browser history so if you even think he might do that. Go to a library with public computers and ask. Or secretly make an escape plan. Don’t pack a big bag. Pack what you need in a book bag. Go to the shelter. Call the cops when you get there. Show bruises if any. Before you record what he says on your phone secretly. Get a police escort when you get your stuff. Keep your kids and yourself safe. You can do this. I believe in you (even thought we don’t know each other-I have your back)


There are shelters. Plus, you should get custody meaning child support. You and the kids don’t deserve this and I’m praying you find a way out.

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send his butt back to prison there is a way for you to live without this abuse. see social services. before. he uses. that pistol. he has serious problems.


Find resources in your area. Domestic abuse shelters, emergency housing, food assistance, and child support. Sadly, the courts whole idea of men need their kids too was a good idea until these situations. Go to the closest police department and say you fear for you and your kids lives. Take the bigfer step foe your girls, if not for any other reason. They deserve better, and there are ways to get better.

You should record his behavior for proff in court and then leave and take him for support you will have money to support them. Find a cheap place if they have geared to income do that for awhile until his payments are forced out of him by the governing body he probably wont pay on his own without the govt forcing him so be prepared to struggle for awhile but its doable. Use coupons, buy used clothes, do whatever it takes he has threatened your life imagine what life will be like for your children if one drunk moment he pulls the trigger. They will grow up without either parent. I dont think you should be worried about sex stuff right now. Tell him your not sucking it he can go su k himself off or find some other chick to do it. After you move out maybe you’ll even find someone who actually wants to be a man and pleasure you and be a good lay sounds like he sucks

Ummmmm… LEAVE!!! :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

You need to leave her situation and find a safe place for you and your children

Find a womens shelter ASAP.


Get out before you end up dead. Either call the cops when he’s on a rant and get them to remove him and get a Pfa or find a resource in ur area to help u escape. This will not end will. Your children don’t deserve this and neither do u. This is not love at all. This is controlling abuse. Please before he doesn’t something y’all can’t come back from…leave him!’

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Your children are going to blame you for never doing anything about this and allowing that man to keep them upstairs all the time. Start thinking more about them and less about everything else. I left an abusive relationship but not until I was hospitalized. I regret putting my daughter through that and she was my motivation for leaving with nothing more than a backpack on my shoulders and her. Do what you need to do to get out. Immediately!


Cross the money bridge when you get there. There’s no free pass when your girls lose you!!! LEAVE ALREADY. Plan out what you’ll do then when it’s done - could take hours or a day maximum, pack your things and carry your children, run as fast as you can.

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You must call for help. Be proud u wrote here. I’m sure if your on SSI, you can still get out to save u and those girls. Where is your family? Can u call them and tell them what’s happening and just go…what about a friend? I get your worried about money…but that has to be your second concern, because your first should be getting out of there to protect those kids and yourself. Get a restraining order set in place for you and the kids too. That way he cant come find you. Get custody in order…
Oh girl…I’m sorry this is happening. Please help yourself asap…

Call the law. If he went to prison for 3 years I’m guessing he’s a convicted felon and therefore not legally allowed to own a gun or be around a gun. He will go back to prison.


It seems impossible but once you’ve gotten out you’ll know you made the right decision. Buck up and be brave. Ask for help. Good luck.

He may have never physically hit you, but he is abusing you. I’ve been there. That’s mental and emotional abuse. It took me awhile to realize that. And one day, it will escalate too physical. Emotional And mental abuse is just as bad. You need to seek help. Talk to family. Or a friend. Even a cip9. Or go to the hospital and ask for a nurse ora doctor and tell them your unsafe at home. And they’ll get you help. You and your children need out. You are more then that. You deserve more then him. You’re better then that. My kids helped me leave. I thought I was staying for them. Turns out, I stayed for myself, but I left for them. They are learning thaw behavior. Learning that’s how you should be treated. They’re seeing that And hearing it. Think if that was your daughters in that kind of relationship. What would you want for them? Get a restraining order. Yes it’s just a piece of paper. But garuntees the police will come every time he tries to show up. I won’t lie. It’ll be hard. The hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. But so worth it. You’re worth it. You’re babies are worth it