My sister was in a horrible relationship. He got her into drugs and drinking. She lost her girls; she lost everything. She got help and has been doing so so much better. She has now informed all of us that she was back with this man. He proposed to her, and she said yes. This man has beat her, drugged her and taken the money, and paid men to have sex with her. He has put her in the hospital and left her stranded hours away from home or anywhere close for us to rescue her. I don’t know if I can go a second round with this. She just got visitation with her girls again. I’m at a loss at what to do. Part of me says to tell her I can’t be there this time around. But part of me is terrified that when he does beat her again and shes stranded beaten and bloodied she won’t call me to come to get her. I know this will end very badly. It never gets better; it only gets worse. Please help with advice. it’s her choice and her freedom to choose who she is with, but I don’t know if I can sit through another er visit because he’s beaten her so bad or drugged her so bad. What do I do? Sincerely a very concerned sister
Tell her u love her and so dose her girl and tell her how u feel about her being with this monster
He’s paid men to have sex with her?
Sometimes it’s tough love cut your ties
Very tough situation - unfortunately you cannot do anything. You can express your concerns and then cut ties it’s hard but is the stress to you and your family worth it if she doesn’t care more about your feelings and goes back to him?.
If she doesn’t see it herself after getting help and all the severe things that have happened then there’s nothing you can do. Some people don’t want to see it no matter how many people tell them how bad it is. All you can do is be there for her and remind her that she’s better than that.
Honestly, if it’s gotten to the point of her kids being taken away, nothing you can say or do will make her realize how bad her relationship is. I had a similar relationship (I never did drugs though). But physical abuse was present with many hospital visits, having my property stolen etc. After an incident, I was put on a supervision order with CPS. I didn’t lose my kids because I got what was needed done. But honestly, she won’t leave until She sees what is wrong. She won’t leave until she has had enough. My mom always told me that, nothing she could say or do would make me leave and she was right. I didn’t see all the bad because I love him. I listened to my mom but didn’t listen enough to leave. But eventually I had enough. I did this x2.
Just support her, express your concern and maybe, hopefully soon, she will open her eyes.
You won’t be able to convince her or tell her. She won’t leave until she’s ready unfortunately. All you can do is be there to support her when she finally realizes she needs to get away.
Hit him with your car. Haul ass outta there. No witnesses.
Keep being supportive but when she calls to be rescued call 911. But also tell her how you feel.
I wouldn’t even express concerns! I was in a very toxic relationship once and the more people told me to leave the more I wanted to stay…it was like I was trying to ‘prove’ we was good together to people that had doubts. When you are in a toxic relationship you lose sight of the bad things because all you think about is the times that he isn’t abusing you.
Either cut ties or don’t say anything, you expressing your concerns isn’t going to do anything, even her loosing her own children hasn’t changed anything so quiet clearly you won’t be able to change anything
Why isn’t this POS in jail. With all the domestic violence laws now she doesn’t even have to be the one to press charges. Speak to the DA about this situation.
Short answer you can’t make her see anything. As heartbreaking as this is it is her story and decision. Love her through it, sounds like she will need it.
As someone who went through a toxic relationship, you can’t, she’s gonna have to convince herself. Be there for her when she’s ready, distance yourself and maybe she will reach out. The more you try to push her, she will push you away.
Oi vey 
you’re exactly right- it is sadly her choice to be in this relationship, and she may need to hit her own personal rock bottom before she gets out permanently. Just like in an intervention- tell her exactly what you told us. Tell her what her choices have done to your family, to her own kids. Give her the ultimatum and then stick to it. Get help or you walk away. And then do just that. She will reach out if she’s ever ready. I’m sorry you have to watch her spiral… just know you can’t fix this.
Carry a gun and if you see him abuse her or threaten you…shoot him!
Try showing her that she’s better off. She got herself clean, sees her kids now and did it without him. Its such a hard spot you’re in 
just keep letting her know you love her but you do not support her. If he’s using drugs in a home they live in call the cops and get him in trouble for possesion! Do anything you can to make her realize he is trouble.
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Shes in a drug dependent relationship. Nothing you say will help. My brother is the dude in this scenario. She will need to realise it for herself.
You need to tell that girl the hard truth if she’s loves her babies and wants to be any part of their live she will tell this man he needs to go and she needs to file a protection order permanently!! Remind her of her children and how much they need her remind her of the past the truth and be straight with her and say I love you please try to remember why you left in the first place remember how you go to your lowest of Lows and who was their to pick you up And who wasn’t their to help ! Show her how you love her but also re open those old wounds to open her eyes if this doesn’t work nothing will:woman_facepalming:t3:
You will never change her mind
Normally I’d say I’d say once she’s lost everything or is close to loosing everything she’ll see how toxic the relationship is and leave him. However she’s already lost everything and still took him back and agreed to marry him. Unfortunately the only thing you can do now is be there for your nieces and pray for her to realise how bad her situation is on her own
If social services is involved they should have put in their aggrement for getting her kids back was no contact with this man I would look into that and if it’s not in there inform social services of what previously happened because this man was in her life if she loves her kids she will put this man aside to fight for them that might give her enough time to come to terms with him not being good for her because if you do nothing and something happens to her or her kids how would you feel
Isn’t there a group for people or women that can attend these groups for people who have loved ones who addict maybe if u find a group and start going then u can see ur not alone and they can help u support u through getting ur sister help she needs maybe one day u can convince her to go to one group with you may be start to right path for her idk what else to say to this I hope she comes around and get help she needs
If losing her children didn’t open her eyes then unfortunately nothing you say or do will. I would keep my distance so there’s minimal impact on your kids/family and you mentally, it’s very hard watching…yet let her know how you feel and that your there when she needs you. When she does (hopefully) wake up and want out, she will need a strong support system. Good luck!!
Coming from someone who has been there, it does and will get worse. This guy has no backbone and believes he can get away with anything because he doesn’t get in trouble and she always forgives him. Try to change her mind before she ends up dead or paralyzed. Trust me, being in a wheelchair is not fun 
Well she can say goodbye to those visits and any chance of getting them back and THATS what you say to her!!!
Nothing going to help intill she relizes she needs help and obviously the 1 time wasent enough unfortunately dosent care about herself or herself she will never change the kids need responslble parenting and let her live her life bcause ur just going to find her dead
The sad thing is YOU can’t do anything except be there for her. Remind her if her worth and when she’s ready to be free of this cycle of dysfunction you help her as much as you can. It’s very hard to watch someone you love make choices you don’t or can’t understand. I hope she has a therapist or someone to help with her sobriety and her mental health. She needs support. Be strong for her kids. You may need to talk to someone yourself. This stuff is hard and until people have gone through it most don’t really understand. Stay strong.
He’s going to kill her 
I don’t know how mom’s can choose men over the babies they made.
Keep the text messages she sends you and go to.the police station. Or when she is beat up next.time. go pick her up and bring her to.the police station. She doesn’t need to press charges anymore.the police will. I’m so sorry you have to watch this play out
She will not leave until she is ready to do so and completely done with him no matter what anyone tells her. All you can really do is support her through all of this.
People need to hit rock bottom before they can really turn their life around… and she’ll not find rock bottom if you’re there as a safety net. Tell her you love her but can’t do this again. When she wants real help, she can call but otherwise you’re done. Be there for her kids.
Sadly nothing you do can make them see the light. I’ve been trying to make certain people leave toxic relationships but people do what they want. Sometimes the only way they learn is if they hit rock bottom. Sometimes not even then.
There’s no getting through. If All of that didn’t open her eyes… I’ma just be honest. All you can do is pray for her!!
You can’t honey she’s going to have to realize it herself and the more you try the less likely she will be to come to you when she’s ready.
Take her to a funeral home and ask her to pic out which casket or urn she wants ASAP. Tell her you’ve tried and you love her and you know if she doesn’t get help the next time you’ll see her, you’ll be kneeling next to said casket praying she’s in heaven. Get her a card for battered women to get help and walk away. Harsh but realistically ya gotta face the facts
This is so hard! Maybe she is going back out of fear? Have you asked her if that’s why? Maybe she feels he’s the best she’ll get? It’s hard to watch someone Self-destruct. I’d let her know you’re there for emergency only.
From someone that has been in your sisters shoes. You cannot make her see your side. I would look into seeing if she can have contact with this man. I got help. Rehab was amazing for me. Time heals all wounds. 6 months no contact with him or anyone else except my child made me wake up and realize what he was doing to me. But I also had CPS came in and took my kid. 6 months in patient, 3 month out patient, DV classes, and parenting classes I got it closed and now 2 restraining orders later. This was 7 years ago. I since then have re-married and have another child. I woke up real fast.
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Nothing you say or do is going to change things until she is at her limit. I was in a horribly abusive relationship and I can tell you it isn’t nearly as easy to get out of as it is to get into. There may be a million things going through her mind that you dont even fathom. She isn’t happy with him. She is stuck. And probably trying to do damage control. Being in that is hard, but not knowing where your abuser is is hard too. It makes you even more afraid because you dont know when an attack may be coming. I know it is easy to judge people in it, but if you havent lived it, you can never understand. And you truly dont know what you would do until you are smack dab in the middle of it. What your sister needs more than anything is love, and to know that no matter how bad things get she has a place to go. She desperately needs that glimmer of hope. It may be all that is holding her together.
Literally nothing you can do
Ok so, I’m coming from one of the what if situations…
My sister’s (gag) husband did the same thing. She lost her daughter, the drugs, the sex, the whole 9 yards. Everyone. Every single person, including both parents, walked away from her. Part of me doesn’t blame them, but I just couldn’t do it. You can say it all to an addict until you are blue in the face. They’re just so used to hiding and numbing the pain that their brain literally tells them it’s best to just keep doing that bc trying does nothing… idk, but I watched it break her that much more every time someone told her to stop talking to them. I never gave her actual money but I did a lot. Yes I enabled. I know that. I would be out at 1 in the morning looking for her making sure she was alive in the freezing weather.
January 10th was her 6 year angelversary. I wish I did more than I did. But I don’t recommend doing more.
From a lost sister’s point of view, don’t do more, but do enough so that she knows no matter what you’ll be there when she really needs you but set the boundary of where/what you’ll stop at.
I feel for you so much and know how heartbreaking this is. Don’t let yourself go crazy over it. You need to set your own boundary with yourself as well to protect your own piece of mind. A boundary of what you can handle when it comes to helping her. Be consistent in no when it comes to something blatantly a lie and obviously for drugs but also he consistent in bringing a sandwich or something…
I had a family member in a bad relationship she is out of it now…she said woman feel like they deserve the beatings and the bad that comes to them so they go back …her loose the kids and being at rock bottom …she also said U CAN’T TELL THEM NOTHING they have to learn she 1000 times better and didn’t do anything to deserve this…SHE HAS TO MAKE THIS SOMETHING SHE WANTS!!!
nothing u say or do will help her…we all walk away and he did what he always done and she left after 16 Year
sadly all you can do is remind her all he made her lose and that she will never regain that as long as she chooses him instead of herself and her kids…and hope she gets in through her head
Remind her what she lost. And does she really want to go back to drugs and booze!!!
If losing her kids wasn’t her rock bottom, there’s no way anything you do or say will be.
I would probably say about the same thing all these other posts are saying. She has to snap out of it herself hopefully she will. My concern are the kids. I would call Job and Family Services and get the kids out of that situation over and above anything else for right now.
Its her choice theres nothing anyone can do about it pray to god he doesnt kill her .then its too late .god bless her .the initiative has to come from her
Work with CPS and the police to intervene and/or have a PROFESSIONAL intervention. Frankly, if they both wound up in jail it would be safer. I’m so sorry. This must be devastatingly heartbreaking. You have lost the sister you once knew and you may never see her again.
Do what you can to help the kids—pay for therapy if they’re not getting it or more therapy if it would help. Take them to calm places (beach, gardens, mountains), or places where they can forget their troubles (amusement parks, performances, museums).
Take them to meditation, dance therapy, yoga, tai chi, martial arts, religious services to help them be calmer, more focused and to learn to cope. You go too to help you cope! Love them and be there for them and be good listeners as much as you can. They are not yet lost.
Work with a counselor/therapist and Narc-Anon to help you deal with the situation and her kids constructively. Sending hugs to you.
You can’t make her. That’s the sad thing.
All you can do is be there for people you can NOT change ANYONE for ANY reason it will not work.
Have her get counseling at Women’s Center.Maybe they will make her stronger so she can get out now.
Can you report that she’s back with him? There has to be something saying he can’t be around the kids if he’s done all of that
Short answer you can’t make your sister realized something because let me tell you she realizes it but she’s not ready to leave the relationship and nothing you do is going to make her leave unless she’s ready to leave herself. I would advise her to start saving any domestic violence text messages pictures videos voice recording videos anything that she can prove that she is in a toxic abusive relationship that way when she’s ready to leave she has proof behind it. When if she is ready to leave never do it with his knowledge because the most dangerous time for a domestic violence victim is right after they leave their abuser that’s when most domestic violence victims end up dead at the hands of their abuser.
There’s really nothing you can do but be there for her. You’re gonna have to set your own boundaries but you can’t make her leave him and trying to can cause you’re relationship with her damage.
Just call CPS and inform them they’re back together. Either she loves her daughter’s enough to ditch him, or she doesnt
Anonymously report a this to cps so here reunification with her daughters depends on staying away from him and staying clean
Oh wow l feel for you. I would be walking in the opposite direction as l could not do the heartbreak again. I lost my sibling to a drug overdose 4 years ago. Id also be telling her that if she continues with this loser, that she isnt a mothers arsehole and she doesnt deserve her children and report her to the relevant authorities in regards to this affecting her children. Tough love is called for enough is enough. I loved my bro but he loved his habit more than he loved any of us and ultimately died on his daughter’s 14th birthday. U know what u need to do.
It’s sad but she has to see it her self I went through a misaler situation and my daughter came back to me I feel your pain omg the tears a rolling again I’m so sorry 
pray every day for your sister 
I pray alot to this day gods always there remember that 
be strong!
There’s nothing you can do but pray… my friend was with a man exactly like this… he cracked her head with the but of a rifle so they took her 3 boys away… she went right bk to him and never did what was needed to get her boys bk… eventually he hit her in the head again with a huge flashlight and killed her… he’s now in prison., her parents and sisters kept telling her he would kill her one day & they were right…
Be there for the kids
Bottom line- You cant. She has to on her own.
Best advice- let her know you care. You will always be but have to remove your self emotionally. That when shes ready to be dine youll save her. Dont let her manipulate you. Shell use it as a crutch to stay with him. Make sure her kids know too.
Educate yourself on narcissism, psychopathy and sociopathy. So when it comes time you know how to help her heal from the wounds of mental and emotional abuse
Can I make you understand you should take a step backwards? If I tell you to stop putting your effort in can you do that? If you see how hard it is to change yourself… How you gonna change her?
What you do is be her sister despite her choices. Like you said it’s her choice even though you do agree with it, love her anyway
Pray for her every day that God opens her eyes before it’s too late
You can’t stop a natural disaster. You can’t predict which house a tornado will hit and which one is spared
You can’t no one can … She has to face up to it she has to get angry enough (pissed enough) and say I don’t want this anymore… until that time she’s in a cycle of denial…
You can’t. People only make them move when they’re sick and tired of being sick and tired there’s nothing you can do until she gets to that point.
You staying in the picture and supporting her through this decision is as much enabling her as she is enabling him by keeping him in her life and agreeing to marry him
You can’t make her realize it. She has to do that herself. I was in a toxic relationship for 20 years. My family tried telling me many times through the years I needed to leave him, but I didn’t. I had to learn it for myself. As a sister your job is to be there when she needs you. I know it’s hard. My sister suffers with addiction and I don’t want to do it anymore. But she needs you. If it means more trips to the ER, that’s what you do. When she does realize that she needs to get away from this man she’ll remember you were there for her.
You can’t make her see him for what he is. Be there for the kids
Guys like him get away with it cause the mum has no support’s etc. Just always stay around. Always say you’ll be there. Always say you love her. Otherwise she’ll never feel like she can leave him cause he’ll brain wash her that no one loves her except him.
You cant change what shes doing but what you can do is protect the kids.
Don’t try. Take it from someone who works in corrections and has for 10yrs. YOU CANNOT make someone stop drugs, abuse, etc THEY have to WANT to get out and get help and stay clean/free.
Tell her you love her dearly, but you do not support her decision to be with this man and you want no part of it. but that you will always be her sister, and if she needs you, you are a call away and you will be there for her. Tell her when shes ready to move forward without him you will help her. That you fear for her safety. And be there as much as you can for her poor children, they need it most.
Just Jeep reminding her that it toxic and keep explaining why it. Just because she’s there and it’s happening to her doesn’t mean she can see that it’s toxic and dangerous. Love is blind and it fools. Keep telling her why you’re concerned and keep talking to her. Tell her why the guy is toxic and tell her why the things he’s doing to her is dangerous.
I say that you are only enabling her. Tell her you love her very much, but not to contact you unless it is because she wants help out of the situation. And be there for her poor kids that she doesn’t care enough about to stay away from the piece of shit.
If she refused listen to you… You trying very hard to help her… Dont waste of your time… She ask for it… I have been there… They continue for 30 years, still together… The kids are theirs… ,To do your ways… Accept move on… Unwanted hurt you.
you are not being helpful being an enabler. tough love is love too. You know in yourself that you really need to back away from her and let her be responsible in her decision in life. Dont let her guilt you in staying and saving her all the time because that what makes her do things that is harmful for her because she knows there is someone out there to bail her out. Just concern yourself with her children but if she is also use her children to trapped you in her toxic life cut them all off.
Why is this man not in jail for what he’s doing? CALL THE COPS! Anytime you know drugs are involved or he’s beating her, call the cops. Even if your sister goes to jail, although the thought of it might scare you, she might be better off. She’ll have enough time to sober up and get her thoughts straight. Even if the guy goes to jail, that means he’s out of your sisters life
And if you know the children are in a comprising situation and you don’t do anything about it you are just as guilty 
First of all nobody made her do the drugs or alcohol. That was her choice, yes he may have been an addict but she had to want to do it. It’s always easier to blame someone else than the person who is your family when they screw up.
She’s silly needs detox then 3 months of rehab
Sounds like she should be getting help in a hospital don’t let her out her relationship is toxic and very codependent so before she gets killed lock her up till fully healed or she never Wil be able to have her kids time for her to smell the coffee and stop being so selfish!!!
Get that Asshole wimp and report his ASS so the inmates can kick it
Contact Docs immediately contact your local police station for a welfare check on her she needs to do this it’s an addiction and partner loser is giving her drugs to get money for prostitution very sad situation she will realise one day sad for her kids
Make the call to the right people, and warn them that the kids could be at risk because mother is back with the same guy again. Not much else you can do.
Don’t blame that man SHE chose a man drugs and alcohol over her children…its so easy to blame someone else
You need to tell her how you feel. She doesn’t realize that she’s not only suffering this alone, that you are too right beside her. Tell her heart to heart holding her hand and looking her in the face. She needs to feel valued and as twisted and disgusting as it is, this man fulfills that. Try going to a support group with her, let her hear and see the devastation domestic violence causes in families, most especially to the children. She doesn’t have her children now and that alone is heartbreaking. You are a good sister. She needs you to help her be strong right now.
She must like it… She stays in it
I am actually dealing with this with my sister as well…minus the kids because she has already lost them for good. All i can say is as frustrating as it is there is nothing u can do. In my situation i have decided that if she calls again all beat up asking for a place to stay my answer will be…sure as soon as we go to the police station and report him. If she wont report him…as hard as it may be…i will have to turn her away.
I hate to have to say this but she is making her own choice at this point. If losing her kids didn’t make her completely turn her back on him then nothing will. Sounds like he’s actually her pimp who tricked her into thinking he was her boyfriend at first. It’s actually more common than people think. In which case she needs to go to the police that deal with trafficking and report him. I guarantee she’s not the only one he’s doing this to. Tell her that. I’d straight up ask her if she wants this life for her girls because he will target them next. He may be using them to scare her. Which is why she needs police involvement to put this sick bastard away. But only SHE can make this decision. Tell her you’ll go with to do all that and be by her side. Otherwise she is on her own. Then find someone to file for full custody of those girls to protect them from the shit storm that is waiting for them. Don’t enable or hold her hand to the grave. And don’t allow her to take those girls with her either.
Only she can save herself. She has to do it on her own terms, not yours.
Some never change. Leave her be
Tell her what you think, point out all that she’s been through. Tell her you can’t be there if she goes back to him and let her decide. You can’t do much more than that.
Sounds like he needs his ass beat! Someone give him a taste of his own medicine!! Pos… Keep the kids away. Give mom love and reassurance that she is loved but what he’s got going on is confusion. I hope she gets out of there & never looks back. Poor kids… She needs some sister time, maybe make her feel better about herself somehow and talk self worth into her💔 she needs to get into her head that he is wrong very wrong and she deserves 10× better. Maybe she doesn’t feel worthy of something gone wrong in her past. Anything like that could be what’s keeping her with him. Suggest counseling & id go with her if you could until she feels good enough to go by herself.
Theres nothing you can do.
You can’t change her mind . Or make her choose differently. She is her own person . That being said
You have to take care of you . If you don’t think you can handle it again you have to walk away .
You have to stay healthy .
Tell her she’s choosing a Pe£!$ over her babies. Also call the visitation center and them she’s now engaged to her abuser drug dealer and you don’t feel she’s safe to be around the girls again.
Drop her like a bad habit
The kids are better off without her, sad to say. They’ll be in danger around that nasty shit.