Trigger Warning: Miscarriage. Do I have a right to be bitter?

I will pray for you. I just had a d&c 3 days ago. Hopefully you will pass naturally. I felt like it was another birth after having a d&c.

Sounds like a narcissist to me. Maybe have your husband talk to her and how it’s making you feel.

I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you, momma.

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You are having misplaced anger. Are they giving her sympathy through your Facebook page probably not… sorry for your loss

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Not at all. I just had one
Dec. 10th (surgery date) had a HORRIBLE reaction after surgery and was in immense pain for the entire week. (Suing hospital currently) my SO takes care of his mother with cancer, and she felt it necessary to call him to her the day I had the surgery. He ended up leaving me for over 5 hours in horrible pain. Then didn’t see him the following three days. He came back to visit for a few hours after that, and then the very next week his mother asked him to travel to Louisiana with her because she’s ill and couldn’t make the drive herself.

It’s sad how people will go to such lengths to hurt others. :woman_shrugging:t6::woman_shrugging:t6:

Yes, you have every right to feel like this & hun, I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Nobody deserves to go through this.

Your MIL isn’t being very nice about this, yes your husband is suffering a loss too and you & he need time to work through this together without anyone interfering.

Sorry for what you’re going through praying for you and your family

No I’m so sorry for your loss you are in my thoughts and prayers.

You have every right, it’s YOUR child, not hers.

You are angry with what is happening and how people are reacting to others and not you. My friend also had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. She said it took a week. I don’t know what someone could say to make you feel better. maybe they don’t either. I almost did I didn’t tell a soul, just kept my legs up most of the time. Dr said if I lost the baby it was cause there was something wrong with the baby. Didn’t help me though. I do feel so bad for you and Your emotions are your own so what could MIL say to make you feel better? Just distance yourself from her. If she asks, question her back 'where were you when I was going through this?? ’

You have all the right to feel this way! You do not have to feel like you are in the wrong bc you are not. I pray for you and wish this hadnt happened… Just remeber to breath and dont keep it all in try to talk to somebody anybody about everything youre feeling please… I know its got to be hard but its going to be ok… We will have you in our thoughts and prayers. That is your baby not hers.

No your not wrong it’s a very emotional hard thing to go throu I had one 4 years ago I still get upset of course now its easier to deal with but you have every right to feel the way you do you have to grieve ignore your mil all she is doing it seems is to get attention and thrive in it she is not being sympathetic or even care it’s you going throu it I’m sorry for your lose mama hang in there me and my family sending prayers

Nope. I was pregnant with twins and one of them stopped growing at 5 weeks and 6 days. I carried that baby until I was 8 months pregnant. I saw it on every ultrasound but the last two when my body had finally absorbed it. It fucked me up mentally. I kept being told by doctors and other people to not stress or grieve because I could lose the other baby. No one would acknowledge the baby to me. But would to my boyfriend’s family. It still pisses me off to this day. And this all took place in 2015.

I am truly sorry for this happening to you. There is no words to express the pain of losing a baby but having to carry your baby knowing you will not get to hold or see them grow up is a whole other pain. My heart goes out to you. :heart:

Wow. That would pisss me off. I’ve had 3 miscarriages so I really dont like people being all sad for me, so I didnt even go around telling everyone for my last 2, and would be furious if someone else did. Making it about theirselves.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I pray for you xx

She is an asshole. Simple as that.

I think you need to cut the mil some slack…she is not responsible for how others word it… and I can imagine she is feeling very helpless and wishes she could help you more…as for not asking are you ok that’s dumb the lady knows you are not ok sweetie…I really feel for you but don’t take it on the people you will need to help get you through this xx

I can maybe understand if its ppl who only know her and her son but not u, but even then…u would think they would say they are sorry to the PARENTS losing their child. The son nor her are still carrying the deceased baby…so no, u r not wrong to feel bitter. My 2nd pregnancy was fetal demise and did get a DNC done. Ik how hard it is and do want to mostly give YOU my utmost condolences and love. So sorry u are dealing w this

You are definitely not wrong, your MIL sounds like a selfish, narcissistic, B. I’m so sorry you’re going through this​:heart::heart::heart:

Some people dont know how to deal with grief. Focus on you. Its okay to feel bitter but dont dwell on it. She may really be more devastated than you think and that could be clouding her ability to put you first.
Its a tough time. Especially having no support. Make sure you reach out whether to a friend doctor or local organization . Best wishes. Hang in there :heartbeat:

Your mother-in-law is a a narcissistic person. She wants all the attention. Im so sorry for your loss. Please get some counseling.

Of course not, you’re going through something very tragic. Having a miscarriage is so heart breaking and no one understands what your going through. So everyone should be trying to help you get through it then trying to comfort a grandma. I went threw one three years ago and it’s still heart breaking to me. So we’re all here for you momma. And your in my thoughts and prayers and I’m so sorry for your loss. :pray::heart:

My MIL acts like my baby is hers, even after having little to do with me when I lost my first. I hate it, she barely said a word to me when I was going through it and now she thinks it’s OK to ignore me still and act like my baby belongs to her.
Then she wonders why she only sees us once a fortnight :woman_facepalming:
You have every right to feel every emotion under the sun about this, it’s a very distasteful way of her getting attention, she should be focusing on looking after you and her son!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, be strong :two_hearts: you’ll get your rainbow x

I am so sorry! That is the hardest thing to go through! Its perfectly ok in my book to be angry and sad. Dont focus on other people right now. Right now focus on you.

Death of a child is unnatural. There isn’t a name for a parent who has lost or is losing their future dream. You won’t have the joy of my 13 years with my son I had. There is no greater loss than the loss of a child for a parent. Cling to your husband and ignore your Mil’s ignorant friends. They really don’t have a rule book in how to handle this situation. Nor do you have a rule book in how to handle all these emotions running through you. Grief is an everlasting process. It’s not something to get over but something you will face daily for the rest of your life. My prayers that you will be able to move on and forgive people. I can almost guarantee that some time in the future when this isn’t so sharp that you in your haste to comfort someone will make an equal blunder.

My heart is with you mama! Sending you the most love & prayers :heart:

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You feel hiw you feel. I had multiple miscarriages. It is not easy. Even people who have also had miscarriages do not know how you are doing. You will hear a lot of things that sound insensitive. I don’t think most people intend to hurt us, it sure seems like it at the time. I’m so sorry your heart is breaking. Here is the best advice I can give you. Take time to grieve. Do not let others try to tell you when you should “be over it” because there is not a timeline for grief. Find someone to talk to. If you need to, find a way to honor your little one.

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You aren’t wrong for feeling any kind of way… I’m so sorry for your pain- just absolutely devastating. Many prayers and love for you.

I am so so very sorry. I went through this a few months ago. I never had felt so alone. I didn’t even get a call or an I’m sorry from my mother in law. I’m convinced that she didn’t give a shit! She just wanted me to get pregnant again right away. You are definitely in the right to feel the way you do. I still do. Sending you love and comfort in your time of mourning sweetheart. I’m so sorry!

I’m so sorry your going through this. If this was going to be her first grandchild then she could be hurting too, why don’t you talk to her, maybe this tragedy could bring you closer, share your feelings with your husband, there are on-line groups of woman who have, and are going through the same thing. God bless you and your beautiful floating angel! :pray:

I am so sorry for what you’re going through. To give you a slightly different perspective, maybe the people are saying they’re sorry to your mother in law because they want to reach out to “your family” but might think it’s too close in proximity to reach out to you directly at this time. It’s possible they want to give you some space but still show they care. Not saying it doesn’t hurt that they aren’t reaching out to you. Just food for thought. Everyone grieves so differently and I’ll be praying God will hold you as you walk through this time.

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There is no wrong or right way to handle it. You’re grieving and if you’re bitter, that is okay. I’m so sorry for your loss. Everyone copes in their own way. And if you’re bitter because people are consoling your mother in law more than you, I can’t blame you for being bitter. It’s okay to feel that way. Hang in there. Sending good thoughts your way.

You feel what you feel! Hopefully you have a supportive husband and support system other than you In laws. I am sorry for this horrible time you have to go through! Infertility issues are so hard! My heart hurts for you!

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No you aren’t. When I had a miscarriage way back in 1997, my MIL had the nerve to look at me (when I got home from my d&c) and say (rudely) “well I guess I won’t get to be a grandmother anytime soon.”

My prayers are with you, it’s such a horrible thing to go through. :heart:

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Well it’s not your MIL Fault people that know her are sending condolences. You are hurting and simply need someone, anyone to be upset with. That is completely understandable!!! Simply focus on you and what you are dealing with, don’t worry about anything else… Just you. Your pain… Your loss. Nothing else matters. What someone says to someone else that’s not you will fade into the background. So very sorry for your heartbreak

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No you are not wrong in your feelings you would think that people would be more sensitive to the situation. I am very sorry for your loss.

I have personally dealt with this unfortunately on more than one occasion. I know what you are feeling and you have every right to feel whatever you need to. Do not let anyone tell you any different. Know that they are doing this not to hurt you though…it’s because they cannot look you in the eyes. They cannot imagine your pain. It hurts them to see the pain in your face. They dont know how to cope with addressing you directly. Most people do not know how to process consoling someone who has lost a child.

Big hug. I am so very sorry for what you are going through and for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine all of the emotions you must be feeling. You have the right to feel the way you do.

Not at all!!! Miscarriage is hard enough on its own and then adding that crap?!?! I am so truly sorry for your loss and for how everyone is handling it. :broken_heart::sleepy:

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Your angry and annoyed right now if ever person you told was to come up to you and say sorry for your loss your heart will never heal u would never stop crying just hold urself together or depression will set in I had 7 miscarriage it’s heart breaking your mad at the world you will never forget hun god love you take care

I’m sorry for what you are going through. There are no words I can say to give you comfort. I have has 3 miscarriage with one actually flat-lining me. You have every right to feel everything you are feeling. Yes it is wrong that she would even take this from you. No you are not wrong for feeling angered. Something only you are going through at this moment.

I am so sorry for your loss. As for your question: It depends. Is she really invested in your lives and involved? She might be the type to talk about you guys all the time so people think something like this would devastate her because of how involved she is. But if she could care less about you guys on a daily basis and only seems to to make a “show” of caring when it gets her attention from other people then yes she’s probably using you as a prop for attention. Or maybe she thinks if she doesn’t put on an act of caring people will think there is something wrong with her for being so cold. If you feel it’s about attention or appearances I’d ignore her and distance myself. Just because you are invited to the circus doesn’t mean you have to go.

Your absolutely not wrong to feel bitter or upset or like life is falling apart I lost my first child in September and I’m still not over it even though I’m pregnant again I’m still upset and grieving my baby in heaven nobody can understand what your going through unless they have gone through it also nobody asking you how you feel or telling you that there praying for you can make it a lot worse I had ppl tell me well at least the baby wasn’t fully developed and well at least there wasn’t a heart beat yet it dont matter you still lost a child and your going through a lot I just will never understand why ppl think that this is something you can just get over I’m so sorry for you loss and I’m sorry that your having to go through what your going through with your mother in law right now I’m praying for you and I pray for comfort for you

First, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine going through a miscarriage.
Second, you have every right to be bitter and angry.
Third, perhaps I would surround yourself with your friends and family. I would stay away from your MIL and also FB during this time.

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Being angry and bitter is grief . it is understandable. No one. .hurts as deep as the one that carries the child . that child represented your hopes and dreams that are now broken . please accept my most sincere deepest sympathies. At any point in the pregnancy the loss of a life hurts clear to the bone . .take all the time you need to heal . maybe in time you can try again . god bless

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You have the right to feel however you need to feel. It is your child! No one can know the pain of losing a child unless they’ve been through it. And everyone grieves differently. Sorry for your loss sweet lady.

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My sympathies to You and your family. You come first, you carried that special gift, also your husband because he was on this journey with you. Both of you created the family this child was meant for. Just think that people who are sending sympathies to your mother in law, may just be ignorant and or may not know you. Pray for them. Prayers for you for comfort​:pray:t2::pray:t2::two_hearts:

I miscarried my 1st pregnancy. I ended up having to get a D&C also. When I 1st found out I was miscarrying, my boss at the time told me it just wasn’t meant to be and I’ll get pregnant again. I literally came from the doctor after finding out to tell them I would be out a few days due to needing the surgery. I was so hurt and pissed. Took me a very long time to get over it. After my surgery I found out my sister and best friend, who is very much like a sister, both were pregnant. I was sad for myself, but happy for them. Was a hard time. You have every right to how you feel on this. I’m so sorry that your MIL and those people aren’t supporting you.

So sorry you are going through this. My MIL was the same way when I had my miscarriage. Everything was always about her.

I’m so sorry you are going through this . I did in 1994 and in 1997. Adopted in 2007. One bio child born in 1992. My girls are my world and when people comment on the age gap they have no idea the trail of tears I had for 13 years . Sometimes life is not fair but I am grateful for the children I do have. Praying for peace for you . And again so sorry it will gradually get easier . I encourage you to ask a lot of questions and ask to see a maternal fetal medicine specialist

Hormones they just feel closer and her heart break more for her son than you honestly. Just relax its all good intentions

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I’d feel the same way love. I just suffered a miscarriage in June. I was alone because my husband is deployed. Everyone seemed to care about how he felt and not me…

Firstly, I am so so so sorry. It is painful and frightening in so many levels and you are so strong for being able to talk about it all.
Secondly, every feeling you have is valid. Never ever doubt your emotions.
Have you spoken to your husband about this? It may be a case of the squeaky wheel gets the grease, where if she is talking about it constantly, people will reassure her. It could also be that others are embarrassed or worried to talk to you about it.
Neither of these are okay.
I would definitely speak to your husband about it and have him say something. It is not up to you to have to defend yourself from family at this point. I’m sure your hubby is broken up about it too, and this is a time where everyone should be surrounding you both with love and light.
Do not let this fester, you will harbour the resentment for the rest of your life

The only thing I can say is I am so sorry you are feeling alone in this. But Social Media sometimes is our enemy when our hearts are heavy dealing with our personal grief. People don’t mean to hurt your feelings but don’t know how to talk to you about such a sensitive subject. So they reach out to your close family. Again I am so sorry.

Don’t be concerned with what folks are saying - do what’s best for you and listen to your doctor’s advice!

You have every right to be bitter, I am still bitter and my loss was almost 10 yrs ago, many prayers for you… I hope you will be okay

U have that right ur going through this hard and rough time I was told it wasnt meant to be. Iam so sorry I will have u in my prayers

No…Its all about you…Im so sorry. I know how you feel…I had many miscarriages. Take care

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Get in touch with The Lullaby Trust. They are fantastic at helping and supporting not only people in your position, but families as well.

Miscarriage is a sad thing. No one really knows what to say and often say the wrong thing. Try to find a support group for you. It is a loss

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I know EXACTLY what this lady is going through except it wasn’t my mother in law doing the attention seeking, it was MY OWN BIO MOM! Be angry and bitter. You have that right. It is you going through it. My own sister was there when I delivered my son in an eternal sleep, she wasnt there the whole pregnancy, just for delivery. Now she posts on fb about going to pay respects to my son after all the drama she has caused me the last 20 years and taking over $2000 from me and my family and causing us to lose our home 2 yrs ago. Am I bitter and angry? HELL YES I AM. Do I talk to my bio mom or sister now? HELL NO I DON’T.

Absolutely not. Call her out. I know that feeling.

So sorry that you are going through this she should be considered about you and your husband

Its completely understandable saying that idk you relationship with her if you feel comfortable telling her your hurting too. She should know this but some people cant see beyond them self’s and they can be good people they are just made that way. Also are these friends of hers and yours or just her friends offering support. I would say praying for everyone but not everyone thinks this way. Just remember we all are human. It may seem like she deserves the bitterness or resentment but sadly those feeling often hurt you more the the people we feel that way toward. You have to feel what you feel but try not to have the anger or bitterness to long because in the long run your hurting yourself. God bless you .I pray if no one else is there God will give you the strength to endure this pain of the loss of your little girl.

Tell her to stop talking about it. Yeah, she’s upset too, but she doesn’t need to spread your business around like that. You haven’t even had time to process this whole situation. It’s not even over yet.

No absolutely not…! I cant stand MIL like that. Ugh i went through the dnc thing too.my mil was by myside when i woke up

No you have every right …its your body and baby … you have a right to grieve without dealing with her …

You are not wrong at all for feeling the way you do.
When my daughter called and told me her son had died, I was 600 miles away from home & getting married the next day. I was having people telling me they were sorry for me and my husband offered to postpone the wedding so I could come home. I told them, think of my daughter, not me. I’ve got 5 grandkids in Heaven and I never wanted any sympathy for me. Give It to my girls. They are suffering the biggest loss

Absolutely not! It is your body and your baby. She should be ashamed of herself. She should make sure their is more concern for you period.

So sorry for all you are going through. Sending prayers your way! :pray::pray::pray:

I’m so sorry for your loss. You have every right to be bitter.
Talk to your husband.
People handle loss in very different ways. Possibly your MIL can’t see past hers. You are in my prayers.

I will pray for peace and comfort to be your friends during his difficult time.

So sorry for your loss- prayers for you and your husband- all the feelings you have are real- legit and allowed! :blue_heart::blue_heart:

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know all too well.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the feelings you are having, I am so sorry you are losing your baby girl, we are praying for you

I am so sorry for your loss. People can be careless and heartless sometimes. Take care of yourself. Prayers sent up for you.

no sweet heart your not, same thing, happened to my sister. Praying for you… tender mercies Jesus. Amen.

never I feel sorry for them being so self absorbed and selfish hello it’s me the true hurt one heyyy

No, you’re not wrong. You have every right to how you feel.

I am so sorry for YOUR loss.

No, sorry for your loss.

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im so sorry for everything youre going through.:sleepy:

Not at all. Its yor body going through this, not hers.

I am sorry for your loss. Your mother in law seems like a monster in law

Am so sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers. Take care of yourself.

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I am so sorry for your loss.

Some people are attention seekers at others expense…You have every right to feel the way you do…she is using your misfortune for attention…

Prayers to you

Sorry for your loss. I am sorry your MIL is so insensitive. Families can be quite difficult. Take care of you :heart:

So sorry for your loss :broken_heart:

So sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine what you are going through. Prayers :pray::yellow_heart::yellow_heart:

Not wrong, but it’s not her fault neither her son’s fault, it’s the people who are assholes. Also your mother in law probably doesn’t know how to ask because she knows how terrible you feel, they don’t want to make you feel worst… i know how you feel I’ve been there n I’m sorry :disappointed_relieved:

It’s one of the stages of grief

This is about YOU. NOT her. Her emotions don’t mean shit right now. Yours do.

No u arent.! Mil are a pain in the butt sometimes.

Who cares how someone else feels? Concentrate on yourself

Heavens know, feeling so bad for you & pity for MIL. :pray: 4 U

hell no you are the one suffering the most

You’re not wrong at all

You must go thru the grief your way

I am so very sorry you are losing your baby

I am sorry this is happening to you. I have been there and loosing a child in never easy regardless of the stage. People tend to comment toward the people they know and are familiar with. Nothing against you. Its like if you go home and tell you husband about something that happened on of your coworkers he doesn’t know. Because he doesn’t know them or hasn’t been in that situation he may have nothing to say. Where if you told him something about someone you mutually know he may react differently. If those people in question are not close to you they may not be thinking of you. Just like a natural disaster happens everyone thinks those poor people but they specifically think of those that they are close with. Instead of focusing on those people focus on you. Maybe you need to work on having a group of friends who can be supportive. Not just in pregnancy but in life. Here is thing you don’t want to hear. Everything happens for a reason. God has a plan for all of and it wasn’t time yet. It will be, just not yet.

Also please talk to your husband about how you feel. Not blaming others or saying others were bad. Just how you feel. Let him be your support. Worst case he cannot say you did not tell him. That is his mom. You don’t get to tell him what to do with her. Just what you like and what you don’t.

You have every right to feel whatever emotions you do. I had a miscarriage not long ago just after finding out the sex of my baby and had to have an emergency D&C due to the amout of blood I lost hemorrhaging for 3 days I am lucky to be here to raise my other children. I was extremely bitter, had resentment toward other pregnant women, and I couldn’t look at any young babies for awhile. It’s truly a process, it hurts in a way no one else can ever understand unless they’ve been through it themself. So, feel bitter, have resentment, cry, scream, do whatever you need to do to be okay. I know it feels like you’ll never be okay and your world has been crushed, but I promise in time you’ll be okay. You’ll always have that spot in your heart for your little one. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.