My ex-fiance abused me in every way you can think of, and I barely escaped him with my life. After I left him, he tried to run me over and stab me. He tried to ruin my life. My life became a nightmare. He still tries to add me on social media, talks about me in comments to everybody, “pops up” everywhere I go, and because of my current spouse’s custody situation, we can’t leave this state (he doesn’t want to leave his children, he keeps them every week). What bothers me, though, is…all of my family and friends, everybody I know, stayed friends with this man. It hurts me to see it. They know what he did…some of them saw the physical abuse happen…and they stay friends with him. If I cut off everybody who’s friends with him, I’d have nobody except my husband left. I don’t understand how a man can rape and torture a woman, and everybody is okay with it! Has anybody else been through this
Cut them all off! Start new. Dociment/screenshot everything. Try to get a restraining order. (been there done that) Don’t allow anyone toxic to remain in your life and weed out the double agents. Peace beats any friendship.
Are they keeping tabs on him or are they being friendly with him?
Get a PPO and cut every one of them off. You can make new friends. It’s not worth it, what if they are giving him information on you? Also if he sends any messages, ANYTHING, keep it documented.
I would cut everybody off even if it does leave you with just your husband. If they are okay with what he did to you then they don’t really give a fuck about you so why keep them in your life 
toxic is toxic, family or not
My ex from 9 years ago still stalks me. Document every thing. Call the cops everytime he shows up. Get a ppo.
Cut them off!!! Start a new life with new friends an it’s OKAY if your spouse is your best friend.
Cut them all off and start fresh
While I can’t say that I know from experience because I was never physically abused my ex, but I was severely mentally and emotionally abused. When I kicked him out for cheating, I finally told everyone what was happening.
I was pregnant when I went through the abuse so it was 5 times worse for me. I didn’t tell anyone until I ended things. There were quite a few people who stopped talking to him after I explained what happened, but there are still people that kept in contact with him. In my experience, I cut them off too.
Anyone that knows how abusive someone is and continues to stay friends with them is an enabler in my eyes. Even if it doesn’t affect their life, it just doesn’t make sense why you’d want to be around that.
You can always make new friends. They’re not your friends if they’re okay with his behavior, trust me.
My cousins, aunts, and friends all have my ex on Facebook. Even some who knew what I’ve been through. Now we are on good terms, and I’ve forgave and forgotten a ton. But I definitely will never stop being disappointed in those people for being okay with him despite. I know that feeling all too well.
Have you discussed it with any of them? Family or very close friends? Personally I would cut them out and move on, and get a restraining order.
Drop them anyway. You don’t need people like that in your life.
Start fresh, you don’t want or need the toxicity! It may suck at first but it’ll also be a breath of fresh air.
I live with a narcissist and currently planning to leave once I find a place
Have you gone to the police?
And, cut those people off. Clearly they aren’t loyal to you! It is better to have 1 person that you can trust than a room full of backs stabbers.
Cut everyone off! I have zero friends and family because of toxicity. My husband is my best friend and I wouldn’t have it any other way
I blocked everyone of his family. Packed my car when he wasn’t there and my kid and moved across the country for 2 years.
Cut them all off burn every bridge i lived through the same damn thing, they can be his friends he can keep them, rebuild your circle you don’t need them and as long as they are in your life he will remain in your life. Save yourself, document everything, Get a restraining order. No man is worth your safety or your sanity. Its been 3 years and my ex is finally gone and i can only pray for any other woman that falls for his bullshit charms.
Yes do block everyone and can understand this i. Went thru the same treatment for 20 some years maybe time to get law enforcement on board
You can’t know for sure if any of the people you associate with are giving him information about you that they shouldn’t be. I would be worried because it doesn’t seem like their loyalty is with you, in my opinion they are not worth risking your life. It seems rather odd to me that he keeps popping up so much to not have someone giving him some kind of clues about your life. To me those aren’t friends. Start fresh and protect yourself. Please get some counseling as well.
I’d say fuck those friends and family members. They clearly are toxic and support a disgusting human being. You don’t owe them anything and you can meet new friends. Its not the easiest but doable. It’s not worth the pain and them telling him things about you/your family… the family you and your husband have is all you need. If they choose to kick that douche to the curb then you can ease them back into your life.
Talk to your family and friends let them no how you feel and tell them you’d appreciate it if they would remove him. If they don’t then you need to remove them.
Take it from someone who has been abused by an ex. CUT THOSE TOXIC PEOPLE OFF…GO TO THE POLICE…FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER…GO TO A EMERGENCY SHELTER if you have nowhere to go…you will get placed quickly because of your case but you HAVE to file a police report for it.
When my ex husband started finding out things about my current life I found that alot of friends and family still had him on Facebook and that’s how he was getting information. I went through mutual friends asked every single one to delete him and they did. Friends and family.
My friend who had been abused got a divorce…I was still friends with the ex husband on Facebook. It was a little different situation because he was not commenting or posting anything but my friend had business events that her friends would share the locations of and he would “just show up”. My friend simply asked me (and others) not to share her business locations if we were going to remain friends with him. A simple email to them stating that you believe he is somehow getting information from mutual friends, maybe not even purposely and that you want to make sure that is not it, if they could please remove one of you from their friends list. Yes you’re asking them to choose but you will find out who you’re real friends are, and maybe some haven’t even really thought about it. I personally had no issues deleting my friends ex…and I had actually known him longer than her but more of an acquaintance than a friend…that may be the case for your friends also. Good luck and be safe
The best thing to do is cut them out. It’s better to have one person to stand beside you then 100 fake ones. That is how he gets info.
That’s exactly what happened to me. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and he physically, verbally and emotionally abused me and our child. He raped me twice and left bruises on my daughter. My family is still friends with him,talk to him often, and want to help him seek custody. So I dropped my entire family off and don’t speak to them and while it was hard it was the best thing I ever did in my life. My kids and my husband are all I need. They aren’t worth it trust me. Once I dropped them off my family told me how they really felt and said they never really loved me anyways. There’s only so much you can take/do.
Why is he not in jail??
He must have been a charmer and people fall into the hands of a person like him.
And he does it because he wants to stay connected to you, and he is probably a good liar, so people tell him want he needs to know.
It would be best for you if you lost contact with these people and you can always make a new friend.
Your safety needs to be important, he also probably has convinced people you pushed him over the edge be careful these kind of people dont change.
Take self defense lessons. Get training and permits for weapons your aloud. Have pepper spray on hand. Protect yourself. Get rid of those family and friends. I hate that loved ones do this to people who have escaped those bastards 
I would block anyone that’s friends with him on social Media, and stay away from Them !!
F@ck them!! Apparently they don’t care about you anyways if they’re still friends with him!
Yes I move to other state.
Yes, cut everyone off if you too. You have to rely on yourself to get through it. I was in a 14 year nightmare, I barely escaped with my life. He still tries to torment me. I left twelve years ago, it was the best thing I could do for myself and my children.
I walked away from “family” that chose to believe my ex’s lies. I couldn’t love myself and continue seeing people that didn’t respect me.
I agree. I cut off all my exs friends and family, but I got lucky and was able to move states to protect me and my daughter. You have to make a decision. Get a protective order and every time he violates it have his ass arrested. Maybe after a bit it might die down, @ least it did for me until I was able to move states. Oh he was furious and livid, but he wasn’t too fond of jail either. He’d make multiple accounts to add me, he’d have friends of his try to add me, and I do know for sure directly or indirectly his family/friends were feeding him information. Partially why we moved states. I get with your current partner he doesn’t want to leave his kids, but you also have to do what is best for you as well. What I’d a life that consists of no life? For those who say “common sense/seems like a no brainer” being in an abusive situation is rough but getting out of it is even rougher. My step sister left her abusive ex who’d randomly show up, she didn’t do much to protect herself. One day he raped her strangled her and threw her down a mine shaft. She died by his hands and left 3 children behind. Don’t be my step sister. Do something about it before it’s too late.
Honey really all you need is your husband tbh. Build a new life with your kiddos and new man. Make new memories and new friends
Cut them all off they are not respecting you and you don’t need them. Block him from seeing anything about you and if need make sure you update or have a restraining order.
Cut the people out entertaining him, block him amd anyone who interacts with him off social media. I had to do the SAME thing 6 years ago. Its hard to let go of people who you consoder friends, but if THEY are apart of his life, they CANT be apart of yours. I wouldnt even take the time to tell them you sre uncomfortable because they are gonna tell him because if they are petty enough to still be friends with him, they are petty enough to run and tell.
Sorry but they are not your friends. Try going to an abused therapy group. You will meet people who have been in your situation. They need a friend too
Get rid of anyone who is a mutual. Make your Facebook completely private. Go into your phone and turn your location off. If you have proof, go to police, and file for a PFA. I understand your spouse not wanting to leave state because of his kids. He should be helping protect you from your abuser. You shouldn’t have to fear living your life.
Cut them off too! You’ll make new friends. Press charges, protective orders and all.
go ghost. poof, yer gone. no social media, no traces…… move on.
Get a restraining order, if he is showing up at places you are going to that is stalking. Unfriend and stay away from friends and family from social media who are still friends with him. If they ask why say you don’t feel comfortable with him having any kind of access to your life and they are enabling that. You may love your friends and family but if they are not supporting you then cut them loose. It is scary to cut ties with your support network, but you will find new support in time and it will be stronger and safer than you have now.
ps: your family and friends aren’t really your family and friends. Cut the toxic. If that means you need to make new friends with a fake name—do so. They totally deserve the cut off
They weren’t really your friends.
Why don’t U just leave. ??
Cut them all off sometimes its better for you in the long run!! But yes I agree with going to a support group but definitely change your surroundings it’s not a coincidence he is “popping up” he has people in his corner that are also in yours & it’s best to cut ties with anyone who associates with him!
If your friends and family saw what he did to you, there is the possibility that they are afraid of him and do not want to be targeted by him. So they do not do anything to upset him . Have you asked them what they think of him ? Maybe they hope he will eventually leave them alone . Do not expect others to put themselves in a position to be A target of abuse even for a family member . May God help you and your entire family.
Get a restraining order
THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS IF THEY SUPPORT YOUR ABUSER. Cut everyone out, get a restraining order and a carry permit.
It’s hard sometimes but I had to cut ties with almost all of my friends and family bc of my ex husband…
That’s horrible, but it’s sounds like you’re taking all the right steps.
Do they know about the abuse? Cut them out of your life if they do. He sounds toxic. Block him on Facebook, turn off location and get restraining order if he makes any threats. I would block anyone who might be feeding him info.
Cut the people loose. It’s not worth the stress.
You said all you have is your husband that’s all you need you don’t need those other ones that don’t care
Go to a shelter for abused women they will help u there
Cut them all off. All you need os your husband and children. Those other people may he “friends and family” but at what cost?
I will be your family. I can’t belive that none of them would at the very least cut them out of their lives. They should be beating his ass.
Hunni cut em all off. You’re better off w out them.
Hope you filed a.police report
You need to find new friends!!! Fuck them… back stabbers!!! Grrrrr this makes me so mad they are friends with your ex!!! Thank god you had the means and motive to get out of the marriage
If he’s violent I know this sounds terrible I get a gun in case she decides to do something stupid women always think that their mate won’t orex the other thing get a picture of him having enlarged and use that as target practice so if he comes at you with a knife you’ll be quicker to make sure you’re alive
They’re not your friends honey. Cut them off. Stay close to your husband. Make new friends and get a restraining order if necessary.
I feel you are worrying about the wrong thing. You were tired of the abuse and got out, but yet by you worrying about what he says shows you are still his victim in a sense. Who gives a crap what he says?!?! Actions speak louder than words and if you have friends that know you for who you are then the crap he says they would also know isn’t true and they know he’s just showing his crazy side. But why isn’t he blocked already,That should’ve been what you did right after you got away and kept him blocked.
Has he been charged with all of this? I doubt it because he should be in jail… so I’m kind of confused. Him being charged with all of this would put huge limitations on his visits if not stop them all together. Who cares about who is friends with him and who ain’t!?
This man should be in jail!!!
All you need is your husband 
Document everything and get pictures petition the court for a strict protective order
they aint friends and family is more than just blood… if they stand by him instead of you you dont need them in your or your childrens lives… it may be hard at first (like it would be if you moved out of state starting over again) but cutting out the toxicity and drama from your life will make it 100xs better (i speak from experience) or even just cut it down to special holidays when you know HE wont be involved if they ask why… explain… make a new social media dont put your profile pic up, dont put up info… and only invite people you trust to that… get a protection order… that does include social media … and be safe…
I went threw the same but we didn’t have kids together thank God he abuse me and call me all kinds of names a i went to the cops and he still got away we been separated for almost 6yrs i just hope i never go threw this again
Alisha I think it is her current husband who doesn’t want to leave the state due to his children. It is the EX she is worried about.
If you have a restraining order which you should…him trying to contact you through social media would be a violation. Dro all those people. They r not your friends
I would cut everyone out!
Honestly I’d just have my husband and be happy with that! You’re safety and sanity are Far more important than a FAKE FRIENDSHIP OR FAKE FAMILY!!!
My gosh if that was me, my family and friends would have rallied and burned him alive. What did the cops say??
Cut them all, real friends have your back and wouldn’t remain friends with someone like him. I’m sure there are plenty of ladies on here that could love to be a loyal friend.
All you need is your man, especially if he is the one and treats you way better, friends come and go. You’ll find friends one day that will value you and who do care about you.
Sounds like you’re getting’ healthy’. Problem is; sounds like they are not. It’s hard, but, I’d cut them loose.
Cut them off. Get an order of protection against him. After you do that, if he “pops up” wherever you are. Call the police on him for violating the order of protection. I’d also snap a photo of him when he does for evidence.
Your husband is your only happiness you will have since it’s better to cut everyone off because they should have fight for you and protect you from your ex.Make sure that you have protection on yourself and keep the police phone number in speed dial when stiff like that happens.I am praying for you to have this nightmare of yours to end so you can be free from him.
Then they aren’t your friends. Meet new people, make new friend’s.
I’ve been threw all of this but thankfully no kids involved. I’ve been away for 4 yrs now moved cities to stay away from him and he still drives by my grandmas house (she lives in the same town as him) a restraining order did nothing and the police were absolutely worthless. Honestly my husband and new family and friends were a god send and I became a bounty hunter so I’m not afraid should I ever run into him again it’ll be the last thing he remembers. Take up self defense and learn to protect yourself. Size doesnt matter it’s all in your mind. My ex was way bigger than I but I would kill him.
Those aren’t your friends and family then cut them all out to heal
If everyone wants to stay friends with him, tell em to take a fucking hike along with Rapey McAbusiveface. You dont need shit but you, your current hubby, and your babies. Be your own best friend. Remind yourself that at least you arent friends with a monster and that’s what counts.
Next time it comes up between you and a friend, ask them this “so if you were to be hanging out with ex-fiance drinking or whatever, would you be comfortable with him driving you home alone at 2am? So you wouldn’t feel uneasy as he asked you inside for a drink or two? What about when you say no and he backhands you?”
If they say they wouldnt be bothered, find new friends. I’d rather be friends with a fucking cockroach.
Cut them all off , you say you wont have any friends, oh well you dont want people like that in your life . Focus on your new life and husband and tell people that if they associate with him you can not allow your self to continue to be be abused by him thu them so they will have to understand you cant have anything to do with anyone who associates with him in any way big or small. Be loyal to yourself.
Those are not your real friends. Cut them all out even though it will be painful at first. You will meet new friends and you will see that those other people were never true friends me I know that’s easier said than done. To cut everyone out and feel like you have no one is scary and it’s painful, but it will get better I promise.
If you got a understand
Ing husband you dont need the rest of the trash. Cut them all off like a bad disease
Agreed tell them it’s him or you. Gtt rid of them if they don’t it’s sounds like your in a great relationship now so make new friends and creat a new family of your choosing.
I know this has happened probably quite a few years ago if there’s a new husband in your life but did you ever go to the police about it? I have a friend she got married to a man and he was quite abusive he ended up keeping her captive in her own home and sodomized her for quite a few days. And I tell you she is the strongest woman I have ever known because she took him to court and she pressed charges on him for what he did she was in her late 50s at the time. Well now that man is in prison for what he did to her. There wasn’t all that social media quite as much as there is now so she didn’t have to worry about that but no one would’ve ever known that he was that type of person if it wasn’t for her because he was so good at hiding it. Now if those people that are still friends with him and know how he tortured you then they’re not your real friends and family. Because people that are OK with that are just as bad as your ex fiancé. You don’t need those people in your life those type of people are the reason why the world is the way it is today. I don’t understand how humankind has become so evil.
But in my opinion if none of this has been reported and it is not too late then it should be those people that except it should be cut out of your life and take defense classes and get your carriers permit it’s better to be safe than sorry. And with the world the way it is today I would rather be around people I can trust even if that’s only one person. And if you get lonely reach out like you have already to talk to people but don’t keep continuing to put yourself in danger by allowing those people in your life still. And be strong I hope everything turns out for the better for you and your new husband.
You don’t need friends like that anyways! Let’s start a where are you from thread under my comment so she can pick someone from her state and one of us can be her friend.
KENTUCKY
I say cut them all off. If they were truly your friends and actually cared, they wouldn’t stay friends with him
Do yourself a favor, those people aren’t your
friends. Make new ones. One
loyal friend is worth a hundred of so-called friends. I doubt that they trying to hurt you, but
they are, I am so glad you had the courage to get
away from this monster, that’s what is the most
important thing here. You are safe and now in what seems like a healthy relationship, alot of women (men too) stay and end up hurt real bad
or dead. You got out and thankfully didn’t have kids in this toxic environment. Live your life and be proud of yourself. This monster will end hurting someone and then these people will realize what you were smart enough to get away
from. Be happy, you didn’t lose anything.
Cut every single one of them off.
Didnt you have him arrested if he did those things. I would of. Get a restraining order. Tell the cops what hes done and is doing
Cutttt them all off, all you need is your husband and kids… That’s it. Cut everyone else off or you won’t be able to heal. Do what’s right for you as a woman.
My first word of advice is to get a notebook. Every interaction you have with him or whenever he has your kids DOCUMENT. DATE AND INCIDENT. STATE EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. WHERE HAPPENED. AND DO NOT PUT YOUR OPINION IN THERE STRICTLY FACT. THERE MAY COME A TIME THAT YOU HAVE TO GO TO COURT AND YOU CAN SAY I THINK IT MIGHT. BUT IF YOU HAVE ALL THIS STUFF WRITTEN DOWN IN A JOURNAL FROM NOW ON TILL WHENEVER IT WILL BE HELPFUL FOR YOU AND YOUR ATTORNEY. MY SAYING WITH MY HUSBAND FRIENDS. YOU’RE EITHER WITH ME OR AGAINST ME. YOU MAY LOSE SOME PEOPLE BUT THAT WILL DEFINITELY BE A POSITIVE FOR YOU. If you see him somewhere. Take a picture. Date it. AGAIN IN YOUR DOCUMENTATION. THIS WILL BE A PAIN IN THE ASS BEGINNING BUT WILL BECOME A WAY OF LIFE FOR YOU. NO ONE IS PRIVY TO THIS INFORMATION. IT IS YOURS ONLY BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE TO GO TO COURT THEN PEOPLE WILL BE GOING DID YOU READ IT DID YOU RIDE IN IT BLAH BLAH BLAH. IT’S GOING TO TAKE A LOT OF STRENGTH TO DO THIS BUT THE REWARDS WILL BE PHENOMENAL. DON’T LET YOUR SHORT-TERM GOALS IN THE WAY OF YOUR LONG-TERM GOALS. Definitely on your side. you just got to be smarter than he is and I guarantee you are.
I would stop talking to those so called “friends and family” and just stick with your husband! If he pops every where, record it wither a pic or writing down where you saw him and also press your GBS location as further proof! I would try to stay out of public as much as possible and try to file a retraining order! P.S I know this isn’t ideal, but until this custody battle is over I would do this, it will also prove he is unfit!
I was dealing with this and got a restraining order. Thankfully there were no kids involved.
I can’t imagine how hard it is for you and I’m so sorry. But, I would let all of those people go. Completely! If they know firsthand that you were being abused and chose to support the abuser, they aren’t the friends for you. I would absolutely cut ties with those people and get a restraining order against your ex. Then you and your current husband can make new friends that support you. Good luck starting over!
Girl yes and still dealing with it. I got to the point where i stopped caring. He literally beat me up in front of our children and a lot of other shit. But some of my family(ones i am close to) stayed his friend. These folks i barely deal with and im ok with it. All i need is my kids and my bf