** TRIGGER WARNING** My husband and I got into a fight and I was told to file a restraining order: Advice?

If dcf is telling you to get one, I would. You don’t need to renew it after they aren’t involved but I wouldn’t chance them taking my kid because your refusing to take measures to keep them safe. I know a friend that had a restraining order because they got into a fight ( the police automatically filed for one) and she let him come to the house and see the kids and because he had spanked a child and they told she lost all 6!

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File it. For both of you.

Go file that Protection Order. I would’ve been in jail for throwing a full pot of hot oil through his ear when he fell asleep

Do you want your son to grow up thinking it’s ok to treat women this way ? Your duty is to.your son .your husband won’t change but you can change your future

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File it and stay the fuck away.

Your kid deserves better than all that.

This wasn’t or couldn’t have been the first.
Get out now. Divorce and make sure he does his classes and is sober before allowing him around your son. He checked himself in to get out of trouble with the law …the self pity move. The tears? Self pity tears. he’s redirecting your anger to feeling bad for him. For your sons sake if nothing else …end it now.

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You both were violent. You BOTH need anger management. He needs a restraining order aswell.

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At the very least it sounds like you should leave. This behavior is pretty terrifying and commonly escalates over time. A restraining order will help make a record of an ongoing situation.

Both of you guys were in the wrong for acting a fool in front of your son.

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File a restraining order for you not the child It doesn’t cost you a dime but time. If you do file for both you have to prove he’s harmed him in the past. As long as you’re kid is with you they are safe. This is not ok behavior and you need to protect yourself and your family. I know first hand, get out! For you and your family PLEASE File and be safe!

Honestly you both were wrong. Both of you acted terribly in front of your son and both of you need help…no one deserves to be screamed and yelled at and absolutely never should anyone lay hands on one another.

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Girl read your own words! If someone else posted this you would tell them to file for a restraining order and a divorce! Get the hell out of that situation so you and your son can move on to a abuse free life! What’s more important your so called “TOXIC” relationship or a life where you son grows up happy and healthy and not thinking that abusing woman is ok

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I mean it sounds like you threw hands first so if you get a PO and he is vindictive, just know that he can still file charges on you. So you are guilty of DV too and need help as well

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Of course she gat mad it’s her son but girl I’m sorry but keep him away till is not better

I been through this. I had to put a restraining order cuz dcf said so. If not, They would take my son away. So i did. If he wants to see his son. He has to go to court for that

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Threatening to kill someone is totally cause for arrest

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Two wrongs dont make right ,both of you need anger management

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You both did wrong but, he continued to do wrong and you NEED to put a po order against him. His mother is being an enabler to her son and obviously doesn’t think her son can do any wrong. If you do not file a po order, then your husband can come back at any time and if he is in a rage, you could carry through with his threats. Most people think that because the man doesn’t put his hand on the child during these altercations, he wouldn’t harm the child. THIS IS A HUGE MISCONCEPTION!!! He will do harm to everyone in the home at some point and time

Both of you are nuts. You can’t push someone and slap them and expect nothing in return 🤦 judge is gonna hear both sides and see you’re abusive too and drop the whole thing

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He has serious issues especially him telling your mom that he’s going to kill the family, mental illness or drugs

There are versions of a restraining order that will permit contact with the children under certian stipulations(i.e. in a supervised visitation center or public place, in a home setting if he is going to all of his therapies and supports in place.) I literally just got a restraining order granted yesterday in court, and an emergency one issued by the police on Sunday. I am not trying to scare you but i will say this…dcf has their information. They are trusting YOU to keep them safe at this point. It is known that this man is violent and also drinks if that was noted too… dcf is trusting you keep your son protected. If you bring your child around the dad right off the bat without him doing any substantial time or effort with counseling to learn how to handle himself, dcf may very well also deem you neglectful.

You BOTH need help. And to learn to keep your hands to yourself…

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Just read the first sentence so yeah … file a restraining order for sure it’s called a 50b in my state

You both need to grow up and learn how to deal with each other in a mature, adult way. Don’t you teach your little one not to yell and push and hit other people?! Yet you both did that in this situation! Stay away from each other until you both can deal with disagreements like adults…

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If dcf is telling you to get one, you get one. Or they can get involved thinking you’re staying in an abusive relationship an putting your son in danger. And it will force him to get help with AA. You should also not slap him in a heated fight. That only escalated it. But it’ll get worse if you don’t do something to stop it. And your son will be affected. Even at just 2. I was in an abusive relationship. He never physically hit me. But he yelled at me and pushed me against walls. My 3 yr old and 5 month old were very affected by it.

Your job is to protect your son. File a protective order. No one ever thinks their spouse would harm their kids but it happens.

Both of you guys are in the wrong. Sounds like both parties need anger management. Yes you can stick up for your son but do it in a respective manner. Yes he shouldnt have threatened to kill anyone. I would talk to a women’s advocate before you file anything to be sure the tables can’t turn on you

This is a no brainer 🤦

Ladies I guarantee that with all the back and forth, between the hitting each other, yelling at each other and jumping around to the brother’s and then having Dad over and then finally leaving.
This was a very TWO sided arguement, that lasted hours.
They were both in the wrong and both need help.
Neither one of these parents should have the child. Because neither can act like a responsible adult.

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First off you can’t say that you’re not at fault too you had time to walk into the bedroom with your son and shut the door why didn’t you stay in there until things deescalate it but no you knew he was pissed he had already made gestures that he was going to be more violent so what do you do you go right in there after him I’m sorry but I am so sick of this all poor me when it comes to that kind of stopped yes I do believe that there is a lot of abuse yes I do believe that something needs to be done but when you know that you are in a violent situation and to walk in there and do that you are also at fault

Yeah because you know, choking someone is totes normal. And he was pissed at the baby. Yeah totally live with the “I don’t think he’ll hurt my son” bit. Bet you never thought he’d hurt you either.

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File it. Protect your son first. Thinking that “he’ll never do anything to our son” won’t stop him if he is drunk again.

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File a protection order. Whatever you leave him. No one should put hands on either person…from what you said with you pushing first… like maybe look in to counseling. He should as well. You both aren’t showing your son what a healthy relationship looks like he will learn from you both would you want your son In a relationship like this? Will he treat women with respect? I’d worry about this. Sounds best to move on

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Your husbands a vet who checked himself into the hospital the night he lost his shit and is putting himself through AA and anger management without a court forcing him to do so…as his WIFE you should go to therapy with him and learn about codependency and ways to change yourself in order to give your marriage a chance to actually work…no one is perfect hun…we all fight…you put your hands on him first so really maybe you should think about that …you are not the sole victim, it sound like you both need those anger management classes.

Its called NICE HANDS you both were wrong

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I’m going through something very similar except I wasn’t the one being physical, file for the restraining order it’ll just be for you since he didn’t do anything to your son. The court can do a temporary custody agreement right then and there until you go to court for visitation.

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You probably didn’t think he would ever put his hands on you either but look what happened

the both if you need help. regardless of who’s fault it is, you don’t lay your hand on your SO especially if you have children present. you both need anger management since you can’t seem to have a civil conversation🤦‍♀️

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You both need to learn to keep your damn hands to yourself. you both need help

Ya it sounds like you both need to seek help and be away from each for awhile. I think there is probably a lot more going on under the surface.

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You slapped him in the face?! I’d kicked you too. But he was in the wrong also. Y’all both need to learn to keeps hands and other body parts to yourselves. Get help. Sounds like one is as bad as the other. You both need to grow up and not do that crap in front of a child. It can really damage a little kid seeing mom and dad hurt each other… and usually someone who has seen war is unstable anyway. So it’s best not to hit

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You both hit each other. In fact you hit him first. He could file a report on you too

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Yes and get your child out of there. He is abusive and you need to protect your child. GET OUT NOW

You should next time he might end up killing you then your son is left with no mother. He will not change

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This is hard but since he checked himself In to get help he’s admitting he has a problem. Maybe hold off on getting one right now

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A PFA is better and stronger than a restraining order.

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File the restraining order. Hes not going to get better and abusers never change. I know, I was in your situation. You’re out, stay out.

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Yes, he threatened to kill you and your family and put his hands around your neck. That being said YOU need anger management too, shoving and slapping is not acceptable. How would you feel if when your son is older he had a girlfriend who treated him that way!?
Be a role model, if momma does it he will assume it is okay!

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Lots of judgemental comments here…you stated this is not a common occurence so must have been a really intense breaking point. Yes you are both in the wrong but people can make mistakes when under the influence and when emotions are high. Neither of you can allow this to happen with a child involved. I pray you both realize this and get the help you need ASAP, and obviously learn and grow from this terrible situation. Praying for you all, please fix this for your sweet child. I know that’s what you want and why you reached out. Wishing you all the best :heart:

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You really wouldn’t be able to press charges since you as well out your hands on him. File for divorce. Get legal help.

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Maybe see what happens when he is going to AA and anger management? If he’s serious about it or could make all the difference

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I am guessing he had been drinking before you got home? I learned never to approach if my husband was. But he didn’t care for our son when I worked. Threatening to kill is a real concern!! Under an intoxicated state he might, that would scare the hell out of me cause my family went through that when stepfather had my brother against the fridge, arm against his throat with a knife in his hand. Was going to spread his blood when he was done. Not sure how affective restraining orders are but follow police advice. I say that cause if it happens again and you disregarded they might not take you seriously. Your son is witnessing all this and it is not healthy. Yelling, doors closing, husband threatening in front of him, etc. I believe you need a separation time and him living at Mom’s. Then search your soul and heart. I would not live this way, do you and your son?

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Does he suffer from PTSD?

Sounds like you started it. You cant think youre immortal because your a female like you cant get hit back… You pushed him to do that… Pretty sure theirs more to it for him to threaten like that. You need help before anyone…

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People don’t change over night.
If you want to work on your marriage & he does too, then stick with it & you too get help. He is at least going in the right direction. Other than individual counseling also try marriage counseling.

FILE THE RESTRAINING ORDER. It will makeyour life so much easier in court proceedings in the futur

Once a hitter always a hitter. I was married to an abuser husband also. I stayed for the kids sake but in the end wrong thing to to. When my youngest turned 17 my husband through me out ,said he didn’t love me anymore. Didn’t know he did in the first place. Long story short after 26 years of an abusive marriage I wad now divorced. Do what you have to to keep your sin out of his hands because someday your husband will turn on him. My husband did on our children.

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Don’t ever assume it’s ok. My daughter was murdered by her husband - a Delta Force soldier. These guys are not prepared to return home well

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I don’t think relations will ever be what they were before so I think you should let go and move on because the next time you may not be here to tell your story ? Look over your shoulder what ever :joy: you decide :wink:

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If he is willing to hit you then he is willing to hit anyone. Including your son. Protect him and yourself, take the advice that the professionals are giving you.

You need to take that baby and go somewhere safe. Your parents would be ideal. That man you call a husband is dangerous. Never ever stay just for the kids. Kids need happy loving healthy parents. This is not.

The straw that finally made me leave my ex (we share a daughter) was the day he refused to give me $5 for butter, instead he bought himself junk food and spit on me. After calling him out on his shit, he came at me with a knife. He destroyed our home and took my car. I packed my stroller and ran to the police station and stayed with my parents after that.

I hope you leave. I hope you and your son are safe. You have family able and willing to take you in and help protect you and support you. Take it. Do not hesitate.

You started yelling in front of your son first, you hit him first. That doesn’t make his threat ok at all, but you were abusive first. Did you tell the cops that? Maybe the yelling and fighting triggered ptsd? He is getting help, you should to. You both need anger management classes and if you decide to stay a couple, couples counseling.

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He is in the va?? So he’s a veteran? Not excusing his behavior at all… but maybe horrible PTSD?? Sometimes it’s hard for them to readjust even after years they can kinda fall back a little. Thank goodness he went for help. No matter what follow your gut everytime… good luck

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He beat you in front your son and the rest of your family is next. People say exactly what they mean. Remember Jennifer Hudson her whole family was wiped out because of the sisters abusive relationship. Worry about your son and less about the man that has threatened and attacked. Precaution better than a burial.

Leave, you and your boy will end up as another statistic. Dont let him manipulate you with his fake promises of changing and suck you in… move out and move on he is toxic

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File. The. Restraining. Order. Or an order of protection, whichever is better in your state. I know this isnt a common occurance, and you know you don’t want your son around this. Also, keep in mind before you call the police, if you’ve been physical, you could get arrested as well. So, try not to engage physically in the future, call the police immediately if he shoves or pushes you, or worse, and stay above reproach when it comes to anything physical. You’re better than that. You have to set the example for your son because he doesn’t seem capable of doing that right now.

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100% restraining order for now. You need to think about safety yours and your son. That behavior is unacceptable and should never be tolerated. Filed for divorce. He needs help yes but you need to think about you and your son nothing else. after he gets better and gets help I would have court ordered supervised visits for safety reasons until provin fit.

Let’s say you don’t, and next time he is drunk and out of control he does hurt your son… Would you wish you had of done so? Restraining orders are about preventing people who can’t control their anger from hurting people they shouldn’t

So with most restraining orders, even with domestic violence, very rarely do they put the child on there. If your scared get one but there’s a big chance it will NOT include your son, or where im at in Texas, it doesn’t. Even if he did hit you…

You pushed him so he pushed back. You slapped him so he kicked your legs. You attacked him and he defended himself…:woman_shrugging:

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Well considering u slapped him first ur in the wrong their. I wouldn’t ever put myself in a man’s place an out my hands in anyone! But he should not hit back either. Sounds like it’s jst toxic. If y’all choose to work things out jst remember ur son is watching ur every move !

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I man should never hit his wife. He’s supposed to protect you but you need to have resect . Maybe he wasn’t taught how to be good man 🤷

Get the restraining order. Once the line has been crossed into physical violence its so easy for u both to cross that line again. Protect your son. He doesn’t need the toxic environment or the potential danger of another physical exchange. It only takes a split second for things to escalate. I speak from experience but you should talk to a professional family counselor or someone else trained in this stuff and not asking on a public forum like facebook. I hope you all can work it out peacefully.:purple_heart:

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Maybe you should file a restraining order I’ve been in these kind of situations it will never change and supervised visits with the child

He’s not defending himself , he could of left

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I think you were both in the wrong.
And for this to happen in front of your son makes it worse.
Neither of you should be laying your hands on eachother…

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I was abused for 13 years. He abused drugs and alcohol. I thought the same thing… he will NEVER hurt our children. I was wrong. He did try to one night but I was able to protect them thank God! I immediately got a 1 yr protection order against him. 3. One for me and each of my kids. Then I divorced his ass. If he does it to you, he will do it to your child.

I highly recommend going to counseling and learning to communicate in a healthy manner should you decide you want to work it out. Get your relationship on a more positive footing BEFORE you move back in together.

In the meantime, you were both at fault. But he threatened to kill you and your family. That warrants a protection order.

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Didn’t even read the whole article. Legally separate and move on until he figures out his issues.

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For any of you thinking of this as him “defending” himself are fucking retarded in all honesty!!

I’m a survivor of domestic violence and I always encourage any woman that is being abused to stay safe you initiated the physical altercation by slapping him first did you report that or did you just report what he did to you it works both ways you can’t put your hands on him and yell at him yet play victim when he put hands on you you were both wrong you both need counseling so no I don’t think a restraining order is needed at this time he checked himself in the VA so whatever is troubling him he is aware and seeking help and you should be supportive of that keep your family out of your problems unless your telling them the whole story do you really feel threatened by him do you argue regularly in front of your son what help did you seek for your anger DV is real so if this is an isolated incident that was initiated by you then you both need to do some soul searching figure out the disconnect and work together to repair the damage that has been done

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Why if you left to go to your brothers would you return home to an environment like that with your child? You both need counseling and probably parenting classes and to be separated.

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He may never hurt ur son physically but he is hurting him mentally when he hurts you. YOUR SAFTEY MATTERS! YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND DO NOT DESERVE TO BE HURT! EVER! And it doesn’t matter if “he only did it cause…” No. U do not deserve mental physical emotional or verbal ebuse. I am so dam sorry hun. Its up to you if you file but all we ask is please please stay away from him. Supervised visits for ur son and him but please don’t put yourself in danger going near him

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Yes and take advantage of his absence and leave . Next time be might actually kill you. Be is harming your son emotionally and will eventually hurt him. Get out!

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The protection order should go thru. He is unable to control his anger. No kid should have to watch physical violence. Mom may want to protect her son,s reputation. He needs help. Is he a vet? Good luck

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See this is why girls grow up thinking they can put their hands on a man and nothing will happen! Its complete bs! My sons ex gf kicked him and tried to hit him in the face and absolutely nothing happened to her, but the year before he got suspended for a week for calling a girl a bitch that was cussing him!!! We are suppose to raise our boys not to hit girls, but its completely ok if a girl hits a boy? Nah f**k that! I got 2 boys and a girl and they are being raised thr same way! Dont put your hands on ANYONE unless you fully expect to get hit back girl or boy!

I dont understand why this is a question. I’m sorry but regardless of him being drunk, you should have never smacked him across the face. He should have never kicked you either. And being drunk and threatening your family is wrong. But IMO its not one sided. You’re both wrong and need to grow up. You have a child to raise… learn how to communicate or move on from each other, either way you are gonna have to communicate in regards to your child. Best of luck!

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Sounds like they both need help need counseling need to separate and do what’s best for the child she initiated the physical altercation they are both in the wrong

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I’ve been in an abusive relationship before. I filed a pf against my ex while we dated cause he was abusive. I ended up dropping it. After we broke up he threatened all of facebook he was gonna kill me if he found me and posted a gun. Needless to say the cops called to check on me and my son. They checked him into a local psych hospital where he had to stay a week. Now over 1 years later we are great and coparent our son.

For your son and yourself safety yes. I had a young girl who came to me late at night and asked to stay as her partner threatened to kill her and their little girl… it’s horrible hearing these experiences that family don’t get on when husband or wife are abusive to each other so sad…if this relationship has turned toxic and he sounds he has turned to the bottle ,it’s sensible to stay away from him your son won’t miss him as he already witnessed what he is like with violence towards you stay away is my advice .

If you don’t file, he will see that well it was ok to do what he wants with no repercussions. By filing he knows that you will stand up and be strong and not allow him to do that to you. Do you know how many women end up dead because they didn’t want to file and rock the boat. Your son will see that abuse as normal behaviour, which he will also abuse you later or his partner later in life. Be the strong mom and do what’s best for you and your child.

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Do you want to live or do you want to die? Every 8 seconds a woman is beating beaten or killed. Do you seriously think he’s going to be happier about this situation now? NO. Get OUT!!!
He’s a drunk and taking anger management classes. That says enough about him.
After you left to go to dinner with your family or whoever, why on earth did you go back home? Not smart.
And I definitely wouldn’t be letting his mother guilt trip you and I most definitely would NOT be staying in your home alone! Wake up! Do what the police told you to do. File the restraining order. If you don’t obey what they’ve told you to do, you’re going to be in trouble.
This seriously irritates me! It’s a no brainer. You’ve been in an Abusive relationship for some time and I can tell by the way you’re second guessing everything. You absolutely must get out and get professional help. You have PTSD. Been there. It’s not fun or funny.

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It sounds like you are both toxic to eachother right now. Until he is stable enough, no he should not be trusted around your son alone. Yes file. Things can be changed and fixed when the time is right.

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File. Of course the enabling mother in law would say that shit. You get yourself and that baby safe. I didn’t have a way out and i had to fight my way out. Trust me, listen to the officers. File an order

Why would you smack him… ? He obviously has rooted problems that should be taken care of and made the initiative to take care of them

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Are we reading the same article…everybody is making this woman a victim when clearly she said she hit him first I’m tired of woman thinking that they can hit a man and he supposed to just take it. She needs help he needs help and that’s it if he gets charges then you should too if he can’t see his child then why should you when you both put hands on each other he getting the help he needs on his own now what are you going to do to control your anger instead of asking if you should tell the police anything you should ask what can I do to get help with my anger he getting his

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Restraining order to keep you BOTH off of eachother.

Counseling together and apart. Maybe even some for your child.

Coparenting classes.

Cps will get involved anytime cops are called to domestic issues and children are present… and if you’ve done nothing to protect your child from another situation like that they’ll start to question your ability to provide a Safe and stable place for your child.

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I’d say spend a good amount of time away and take classes. Maybe you should file for a while so he takes this seriously