Ask God to heal you 1st. Both my exes beat me. I held on to it until one day I gave it to God. I am free. I don’t hv that rage anymore. Prayers
No advice bc im not in ur shoes just wanted to let u know im praying for u! Hang in there!
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Have you tried going to school?
File for divorce hes a jerk that doesn’t get how important your mental health is.
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I say find a job you love and leave your husband. Living with someone like that plays hell on an already existing mental illness.
I totally feel this. I wish I can give advice. Unfortunately I can’t but know your not alone
Divorce, take the kids and move, any man treat you like that doesn’t deserve you!
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Post office PSE jobs would be good. Dont have to talk with people just deal with boxes
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So sorry that happened to you and l give you thumbs up for going on making a life for you and your family.God bless you
Get a job in the evenings and make him take care of the kids, due to child care expenses. I used to pay 200 a week for 2 kids and girl that’s super cheap, that was 12 years ago. Take some time, find out the cost of daycare base your job at minimum wage level and tell him it’s going to cost so and so a month in daycare which what you make probably won’t even cover it or say you can work evenings after he gets home and he can cook dinner, and do the kids night routine with them. I suspect he will change his mind really quick. If not, work event save some money and get out of there. One job you might consider is maybe a library clerk whether public or in a school setting. I wish you good luck. I suffer from MADD or MDAD, it’s been called both so i really do understand what that is like.
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I don’t know who you are since there is no name, but if you can text me or email me, we can talk.
Yes get mental health for yourself and get you feeling better first!
Leave. With kids and pets.
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Get a job and leave him. Start your own life. You don’t need him.
I cannot imagine a job making your life LESS stressful …
I would start with counseling to face the past trauma. Hugs mama. From one survivor to another
I say find a job
Save up your money
And divorce him! Insults are childish.
Look into working from home! Southerland looks like a good one where you get a w2 vs a 1099 https://jobs.sutherlandglobal.com/ShowJob/Id/2510817/Work%20At%20Home%20%20%20Inbound%20Sales%20Representatives/?lang=en
Counseling and a good lawyer!!
Do you both a favor SPLIT
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If u have a hobby that u enjoy like cooking baking crafting stuff like dat u can start ur own business from home n start with dat
Sounds like you need a divorce
You should apply for social security disability…as for the husband with ruthless insults ——-don’t walk…RUN 
If u go to work do opposite shift So he will have the kids
Couples counseling is the first step.
Get a new husband 
Why dont you start an income daycare
Marriage counseling. Sounds rough.
File for SSI or SSDI assuming your in the U.S.
Find a job that works for you.
Have you tried seeing a Naturopath
You can’t pour from a empty cup.Take care of yourself
See if you can do something from home…typing…bookkeeping…answer the phone…
Tell him boi bye and take him for alimony
Get a divorce! I have mix feelings about this because my ex husband is bipolar schizophrenic, so I know mental illness suck and are real , but I also spend the money how I want because well I make it. So yeah it did not workout. Again it sounds like he isn’t helping your condition and you can’t contribute to the household so y’all aren’t eye to eye, it will get worst trust me
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Have you considered checking into SSDI
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You must have a meeting with your husband and psychiatrist. Let him hear from the doctor directly how poorly controlled your condition is, and how difficult it would be to work. Applying for SSDI disability may be proper.
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If you aren’t in therapy, it’s time. And your husband needs to join you so you can express how much the insults hurt, and he can learn to share his concerns in a loving way.
I have similar issues. Constant chronic anxiety. One thing I have tried really helps the physical manifestation of fight or flight: propanolol, a beta blocker. It controls the increased heart rate and other adrenaline surge symptoms.
Good luck, and please don’t give up on treatments. New stuff comes along all the time.
Some of y’all are rude AF and definitely are uneducated on mental health and it shows 
Dear fan: I replied on one comment another person made. I know some of what you are living. I too am bipolar. For 35 years now I have taken medication.
You need to make sure you take your meds and regularly see a counselor. A bit of advice. Bipolar is considered a disability. You can get help to go to college or disability pay to help your finances.
Most important, don’t give up. There are jobs that you can be trained for short term.
Your husband needs to go to counseling with you if possible. You have 2 small children. Daycare is expensive. He may find after paying for the childcare, you are not adding much financially to the family.
You need to be able to rest to work. Taking care of two small children is ajob in itself. I will pray for you. I don’t know your name, but you can look me up on FB
Most of all, take care of you
File for disability.
You I both need a therapist .
My heart breaks 
for you. My sister has lived a totemented life with mental illness for 45 years.
I’ll say that you should have guidelines for purchases. My hubby and I don’t spend anything over 100 bucks without talking it over.
Regardless of you being a SAHM … You’re still working.
I would suggest a call center job or work from home rather than a stressful retail job.
Do very sorry for your unfortunate past experiences.
God bless you and Good 
luck.
I’m sorry mama it’s like reading my own life. Unless someone has suffered from severe mental trauma as a child or adult, they just don’t understand.
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Darling, sounds to me you need to find a job that you can be comfortable with and then leave that bastard. Just make sure Bill’s are divided fairly so you have an opportunity to stash enough to get you and the kids out of there. I don’t think your anxiety would be so unmanageable if he wasn’t such a jerk.
Do you have a good therapist? the medical medium is a great resource- nutrition and diet can help you♥️
I’m sorry a husband should not be insulting his wife. I understand your anxiety position. I have struggled with it on and off for the last 6 years since my husband had a heart attack when our daughter was 4 yrs old. Thankfully he is fine now. But the fear of loosing him opened an anxiety can of worms. There were times I couldn’t work, I used all my sick time leaving work early from anxiety attacks. I’ve tried everything from medication, CBD ( didn’t like the buzz that it’s not supposed to give you) , therapy to acupuncture . Long term everything helped a little but not enough. Honestly I was so frustrated with trying not to be medicated, to handle it myself I was only making it worse . My husband helped me realize that . I take 0.25mg of Klonopin in the morning and at night. It was the only medication that worked for me, because it stays in your system longer than Xanax. So you don’t get the highs and lows that you get from Xanax when it wears off because it’s a short term medication . It’s so light of a dose I have to cut the pills in half. Most doctors will tell you it’s not enough to do anything, but it balances me enough to take away the anxiety. I’m more functional than I was before with out the medication. I’m not a mess struggling to put a good calm face on for my daughter. I can work and balance my day without the anxiety. I also found not working after a while inflated my anxiety. It gave my mind more time to wander and stress about anything and everything. Working although stressful gives me focus in the moment . There are then time frames to your day instead of just praying to get to the end of it to try and relax . My husband has been nothing but supportive in helping me find my way through these changes . A job man my not be a horrible thing , just think outside the box with the type of job you try to get . Maybe start part time instead of jumping into full time work again, that definitely helped me transition.
Work from home? I have ptsd from a severely abusive and controlling relationship where the guy stalked me for years after even sending me scary serial killer like letters (cut out words glued to construction paper) and I also have had severe anxiety that started at 18 years of age also deal with depression… I used to take prescriptions but I am pagan and prefer to be as natural as possible with the stuff I take into my body so over the years I stopped taking meds and learned to deal with my anxiety through natural means and talking to professionals … I still get random anxiety attacks which have also caused me plenty of sleepless nights… I find that when I’ve worked retail I actually enjoyed it. I also had manual labor jobs which I really enjoyed for the same reasons you mentioned and didn’t think I’d like retail but I actually did… most the ppl I came in contact with were nice and the ppl I worked with were great made alot of friends plus it was busy work so it kept my mind from betraying me and giving me anxiety… Another plus was getting me time as much as I loved being a stay at home mom and as much as I love my kids it made my anxiety worse because I had nothing but time to think ir to feel stressed and ir under appreciated not having a say in where money was being spent and not having my own money was not helping my anxiety or my depression… I at first thought a job would just add to the stress and anxiety but I found when I went to work some of the pressure was lifted off me… Maybe give it a try if it doesn’t work out thats fine at least you gave it a shot…like I saud there are plenty of work from home jobs you do over the phone or heck even a lot of call centers fir customer service…
You need to find a low key job! Green house, even working from home, I know a lot of telemarketing places that allow you to work from home.
So I never usually write on this but I had to this time! I relate to you so much! I also have bipolar depressive disorder (without the mania) and have anxiety disorder with really bad panic attacks. I am 30 now but when I was 18 I had been working in restaurants and retail(like you said being hands on). But I had a baby at 23 and needed more income so I got my first office job! For the past 7 years I have had I believe more then 8 jobs or so! I get so bored. After a few hours at work I Catch my legs figgiting nonstop and I mentioned it to my psychiatrist and he was like yeah that’s your anxiety! The problem is that those jobs pay way more then most jobs. My last job paid $17/hr in California which is good.
Anyways I have been in my relationship for the past almost 7years so he has seen me through everything and he also makes good money but we argue like crazy cause of how many times I have lost my job! Oh and I forgot to mention I also have ADHD so I make so many mistakes because of my focus. I got diagnosed for adhd and anxiety in 2017 and for bipolar barely last year. I understand how you feel. My therapist has said that it’s normal for our significant others to get upset. His wife had adhd also so he was in our husbands place. It’s normal for them to get like that and it is normal for us to get upset because we don’t understand.
I would suggest to look up jobs and ideas of jobs you would consider and think they would be good and see how that goes! I am getting my degree in sociology and graduate next year. I have volunteered at places that I would like to work at and I love it! Sorry to hear about what your going through! If you need to talk you can always contact me! We always need someone to talk to. Sorry for the long post! Lol.
Get therapy for yourself and honestly it sounds like there are a lot of issues in the marriage itself. Sounds like you both would benefit from marriage counseling. I’m a stay at home mom, my husband doesn’t make 65k a year. But his money is our money. Its money to run the house hold. We talk about purchases before they happen. He respects me, I have equal access to the money. There are things he would like to get and most of the time its a not right now but we can save for it and the same goes for the things I want. If my husband treated me like less than because I stay home id walk. Marriage is a partnership, you are supposed to help each other and be equals even if one stays home. You dont have to stand for being treated like that.
When I was sah I utilized offer up and my love of upcycling furniture. There’s a lot of free or cheap items begging for new life that you can update simply with paint and new hardware on the cheap and flip for a decent profit. I also have bouts of insomnia and the craft eases my anxiety by keeping me busy.
Please Read…
So find ways to reduce costs in the home.
I coupon… Took my house hold from 675 to 800 a month down to 75.00 a hundred. For food , cleaning supplies ect.
Reduce electrical bills.
Unplug anything not in use.
Microwaves , tvs , vcrs , wifi boxes n the hours they arent needed.
Took electris bill from 220.00 to 80.00 in my home.
Plan needed outings better and in 1 day. Make sure your not back tracking , and have a written plan.
Reduced gas by 40.00 a week. Learn to save n be a bit fruggle. And your dollar will stretch further.
Sounds like your hubby is selfish. But you can save enough to make it worth not going to work with a good schedule and some planning…
Pm me if you need help.
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So get a job in manufacturing and kick the jackass to the curb
He’s verbally abusive and has wrecked your self esteem. You need counseling and try to read/listen to self help books about overcoming adversity. Stay strong, you got this
Tell this idiot you will work when the kids go to school. If he complains tell him to get a second job. Children at that age need their mommy. The only other job i would have you do is maybe take in someones kid to watch while a mom goes off to work. Then you can stay there and make a few bucks. If it is a infant or baby you can talk to it I am sure as it will not judge you, and not remember what you say.
I feel for you. But I can’t help but to imagine how you met, and dated your Husband and managed to form a relationship the blossomed to Marriage. There are so many work from home jobs where you can log into a computer and make calls, telemarketing, Bill
Collecting. There’s many jobs where you can work alone with little contact with people. I have a Son who is Autistic. He doesn’t do well being “bossed around” and works well, and efficiently alone. He works for the Governor in the Mail room. Alone- all day. He makes $27 an hour. Plus benefits. Anything is possible. It’s fair to allow yourself to go outside of your box. It may help boost your confidence and your overall way of life. It will feel so good. It will be hard at first. Also- what about being an elderly companion? The options are endless.
There are many jobs available to work from home, you can do that from the comfort of your own home…
You are a survivor and tougher then You think you are. You went Through hell
And you are still up. You deserve soo much better then what you have , your husband is a jerk please get some help and then leave his butt
Can you find something online? I’ve heard Amazon has online jobs.
Good luck. 
It sounds like you got a job taking care of the house ,if you got all that it will get worse with a job ,cause u will go out to work and still have to care for the house ,he sounds like an asshole, he should be supporting you not insulting you , I would take my kids and leave, you sound like you got enough on your plate ,you shouldn’t have to deal with that shit from your husband
First of all before I say what I think anything you ever choose is ok. But is he worth it? Are you? I would tell him to get in or get out. Then take your self and kids to a child friendly parent friendly centre and park up. Get used to no money but get better through supportive parents and being in a place your kids are happy and you get to enjoy them too with support. Do this with him if he will get on board. But at the end of the day, if you do the work for the kids and hes throwing that shit at you, get a support system where he cant turn around and fuck you over. You are beautiful and strong in all of your diagnosis and I bet you love being a mum except not getting a break??
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Have you tried EMDR ?
I love you. I dont even know you but I want you to know that.
I’m a messball too. I’ve been on government assistance my entire adult life. FUCK ANYONE who is against what YOU need to do to be happy now.
One take one day at at a time’ as for him insulting you ‘ cuss his ass out and let him know he’s a sorry bitch ass person’ as for the kids there just babies teach them with love and patience’ if you’re husband don’t help get rid of him’ there’s your problem ‘ think about it A person that treats you like crap is a loser
Priority #1!!! See a counselor!! There are a few things taking a toll on you and you need someone completely dedicated to walking through them with you. No one comment will address all that you’re dealing with, so see someone who can walk you through each one of them. Maybe dad watches the kids while you’re out. Maybe dad sees how much work it is…? Maybe show dad quotes from a few childcare options… Maybe tell dad to BACK UP HIS SHIT!!!
Whatever you do… Stop apologizing for anything!! I’m assuming he knew who you were when he married you. Insults… Nope!! That’s the opposite of loving!
Wish I had more advice. Keep your head up high, never give up, remember to alway love yourself, fuck what everyone else things ( a lot easier said than done). Oh yeah, and a big virtual hug. Hang in there mamma.
Just gi e him a bill every month for the work you do
1st of all let me say how proud I am of you! I know what you’ve been through is hard. I’m so glad to see you are living your life. Horray for you!
Now second, I have GAD. not because of trauma. I take effexxor and it helps my anxiety. I was married to a similar man and let me tell you something…when o ended that marriage I was depressed and suicidal. I will never allow a man to belittle or name call me again! When you are weak that shit eats at you. You also have two very young children. Working and young children are not easy especially in retail. Retail cannot give you a good life/work balance with two young children, a spoiled ass husband and cleaning that house. Don’t stretch yourself so far so he can spend money like water. You Midas well get rid of his ass and do it on your own. You can atleast teach the babies to clean up after themselves when age appropriate.
If your gonna keep him then you really need to work on the boundaries. I promise if you don’t, you will end up miserable and can’t be healthy. Much love to you.
Please get medical attention. Maybe disability. Worth a true
Get a damn job no excuse
Leave his sorry butt!
Your husband sounds like a real asshole. He should be thankful his babies are safe at home with you, especially with the way the world is lately and how expensive childcare is. Your babies will be off to school in no time and I’d say then start looking for work. Until then if I was you I’d sit my ass at home and cherish every moment of it.
If that man is insulting you, leave. That’s disrespectful. The rest gets better with time. But Fuck that.
I am inclined to call him a dick, but I do want to eliminate him from the equation for a moment and focus on what work can do to help you.
I had a very similar situation and transitioning from SAHM to employed was so emotionally taxing. I also was still stuck with the majority of the housework and child raising. BUT! There were mental health benefits I didnt know I’d experience when I worked again after having my babies.
Adult time. I could socialize with adults, vent about my home drama with close coworkers, make friends and acquire a social life, that wasnt interrupted by a kid hanging off my leg. Financial freedom, the ability to stop and grab a little surprise for my babies on my way to picking them up… I didnt know how much I’d love work until I finally went back. I loved my job, I loved my coworkers. I started off part time and then went back to college and then college was a whirlwind of confidence and socializing and success that made me the happiest I’d been in years.
My happiest years started with me waking up at 3am, to get to work at 4am, to work until noon, then go to school until 330 then pick my kids up at 4pm, come home, cook, clean, bath and PJs done before he even got home from work at 530pm. Then reading them books, doing bedtime, getting them down at 730pm so I could do a little homework before bed. It probably sounds insane, running every day like that, but the work and college brought me so much motivation, self confidence, a sense of value and worth I never had a home, socializing kid free… Now, I’m a single mom because he was abusive and if I could do it all again, sans abuse, I’d be right back at my happiest, finding peace in the routine and being on my best grind to be my best me. Not to mention the support all this new social presence brings with it. You become a person again.
You may find that same positivity for yourself. Fuck him though- do it for you.
Please please go to your doctor for help finding a therapist or support group. You are worth the attention you need to let someone help you. God bless you and your children.
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Become a promoter for Le-Vel. Great products that could help you as well and you can make decent money. Plus new accounts get $25 loaded automatically.
I am so sorry for what you’ve experienced 
Shame on your husband for being a selfish asshole! Marriage is supporting each other financially and emotionally! He should be ashamed of himself for putting materials ahead of your health and well being. (Also childcare will probably take up your entire paychecks). Take care of you
I work as a case manager and I assist my members with similar circumstances to get work from home jobs… what state do you live in
Working from home over the phone is your best option. Over peopling at a job will only make you manic depressant… Prayers are with you
Tell your husband taking care if kids is work and quit spending money.
I am so sorry that you are going thru this. Try to apply for disability and PLEASE get therapy. Childcare is very expensive.
I would work toward getting onto SSDI, with those issues and a psychiatrist on your side you’ll eventually get it, but be warned almost everyone gets rejected the first time and you have to wait a year to reapply and if you get a job you’ll have to wait 2 years to be able to apply.
Sounds like your hubby doesn’t give a rats ass unless it pleases him, so he’s gonna force your ass back to work so he can keep spending money he technically doesn’t have… ya ok go for it, and when you feel like his slave what next? Not to mention you’ve already said it’s caused you to have damage to your heart, so why are you letting a dick tell you what to do? Tell him to fly off a cliff and do one if he wants to be selfish you don’t need that bullshit in your life neither do your kids.
So, I don’t understand your trauma and how it makes you feel, and neither does your husband. Only you know what you can and cannot handle and if this is too much then you need to sit down with him and explain what you are going through and IF you do get a job then he is going to need to help around the house and with the kids. You can’t do it all. Even without anxiety and insomnia it’s SO HARD to be a working mom because you are usually still expected to do so much around the house too.
Find a job you think you can do. Maybe a delivery driver for Uber eats or something Low stress. No set schedule you can do it when you can.
I have severe anxiety, clinical depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder and PTSD from being beaten and raped by my ex husband for 12 years. I was on dissabiltiy for it for awhile but was struggling so bad because they only give so much to live on. I decided to go to therapy and not let this shit define me. I want to be there for my kids and provide for them financially. I have new husband and children now, my boy is 2 and my daughter is 6 months. I know it’s hard but sometimes you just have to face your demons, fight that battle everyday, be that warrior and do what you have to do. I work a retail job now. 40+ hours a week but I’m financially comfortable and believe it or not, feeling like I have a purpose and accomplishing something everyday kinda helps my mental state.
I hope you find strength to get through this, you are already doing the most important job on the planet, raising children. Try get benefits some form of disability payment or even sign up to one of those budgeting websites, we have one in Australia called my budget and it’s amazing how just setting up a budget you can both follow can help ease the stress.
Apart from that marriage is hard and financial strain makes it bloody hard too. You really need to be easy on yourself and I know that’s hard to do when you have trauma but you really need to realise those kids are your job right now if you need control then try and take control of the budget it will get rid of a bit of the mental fog that comes with anxiety.
You’ll probably find when it’s the right time a job or opportunity will come up, life is funny like that
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Possible to get a stay at home job?and also I’m sorry your life wasn’t the greatest growing up I hope things get better for you
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I would leave him. How can he know your struggle and still be so ruthless!? That’s not love. And trust that if you got a job and he had to be mr mom while you were gone he’d be begging you to quit cuz he couldn’t handle all that you handle on a daily basis. Sahm is a full time job x2
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I don’t know where you live but another thing to think about is child care, your kids are 4-5 years away from being in school. I’m a SAHM and if I went back to work my whole paycheck would be used for daycare for the 2 kids
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Sounds like you both need a little more support from one another to get on the same page. The way you wrote this it shows you acknowledge his struggles and are willing to give what’s needed if need be. No matter who is making the money you all signed on to this together and I would be firm that you are just not willing to be judge, ridiculed, or demeaned by him any longer. I work FT and have all the child rearing and household responsibilities, he views this as a comfort for me 
. He has the comfort of going to work and making sure most of the bills get paid, taking out the trash, and mowing the grass. It works for us, I guess. It can leave you feeling overwhelmed so it certainly is going to make your anxiety worse. Have you tried letting him know you are open to going back to work but that means there also needs to be a division of household and child responsibilities? I always try to explain it isn’t a lack of desire to be the do-it-all but the reality of time management. Your human your not an octopus.
What about doing something creative and selling them? It won’t make a lot of money but it could be something that could keep you occupied, get a little more income and let you feel like you’re contributing? That way you wouldn’t have to leave your home but it’s also that small step towards independence? Xx
i would not leave 2 small kids to go to work,I had to,u don’t.Nothing is more important right now then ur kids.He needs to grow to hell up and realize that’s part of it. From what i getting from your message,u r not able to work
usually retail such as dollar general is not too stressful and you can work like 6pm-1030pm which could be a good start and you can work your way up to more hours. I found that helped my sanity and anxiety a lot because getting out of the house being useful keeps my mind from worrying. Plus once you see the money even if it’s not much it’s still nice to buy something on your own. good luck momma.
Work from home job? Also have you tried EMDR? Just throwing out thoughts. Sending love and light for everything to fall into place for you!
Maybe do a start up business like selling weight loss, makeup, jewelry from home?
Finacial peace University by Dave Ramsey.
Money is one of the reasons people divorce and if you cant be on the same page with money you dont have a money problem but a marriage problem.
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Not sure getting Child care during Covid would be possible. So like some others suggested let him know you are willing to work when it is feasible for the kids. Tell him the emotional abuse needs to stop. He needs to start writing up a budget(be damned if I’d be allowing a 600 dollar tattoo when it should go towards kids education).