I know this story all too well. Raising a family is a full time job. Daycare takes from your wages unless he’s willing to help with that. There is no easy answer. Can you babysit in your home?
Stay at home with your babies. Taking care of your mental health, and rock it out as a stay at home mom. And if he doesn’t like it, tell him to stick it where the sun don’t shine. Stick up for yourself. I’m bipolar as well and have bad anxiety as well. The struggle and pressure of not working is always there… but I am the glue to my family at home right now.
Have you considered talking to your doctor about the severity of your ptsd. He may be able to help you apply for disability so that you can have an income without the increased stress on you and your family.
Can you find a remote job? Something you can do part time from home? Have you talked about the costs of childcare if/when you do go back to work? Maybe sit down and do a budget together so you both know what the money is being used for and what is available to spend. It seems important to have a serious conversation about what both of your responsibilities are
“My husband is ruthless with the insults” sounds like this isnt very healthy and probably not helping your mental health either.
I have the same as you and it’s hard to work but I have found if I work alone I handle it better. I am also have agoraphobia. I had a liver transplant so I am on disability but will have to return to work. I will find something I can do alone like clean motel rooms, wash dishes. I do have a degree but I have to work alone or not at all. I have to avoid crowds. It is rough but can be done. I am on meds and have professional help.
Keep in mind that if you go to work, you’ll have to put the babies in daycare and it’s very expensive!!!
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I heard your fear. Hopefully you have a long term relationship with a therapist and a psychiatrists who supervises your meds and knows your history.
I would encourage you to call your therapist and schedule regular appointments. Ask your husband to attend a session so he better understands your needs. Your therapist may recommend that you attend marital counseling, while you continue with regular therapy. Facebook is not a place to tackle the pain of severe childhood trauma and marital conflicts. I am sorry for what happed to you, but the good news is: You survived. You can certainly find a place of peace within yourSELF with consistent, professional help. Wishing you all good .
Please stay away from retail, but see if their are any stay at home jobs. But take your you shouldn’t be put under that stress god bless you I’m sorry you went through that.
Maybe find a job like gardening or working with your hands like you said. But make it " an escape " job. You make a little extra money and get to escape the house!!! Being cooped up all the time will make it that much harder to get out after time. Do not do retail. That will cause anxiety. Find a job that is exciting and can help you feel better about you.
Well first off your husband needs to realize the things he wants to buy are not important and family is more important. The only reason he wants you to work is so he can buy the things he wants. If he has no patience and does nothing around the house and he can’t see your worth maybe it’s time for counseling or separation for him to think about things. He sounds selfish wanting material things. Also he needs to be more understanding of your illnesses and understand that you have a house and 2 kids to take care of. Maybe switch roles with him for a week if he can get some time off. Maybe then he’ll see how hard you work in the house with your medical problems. If he just doesn’t care then maybe it’s time to leave. Also tell him day care is coming out of his pocket If you work until you get paid
Your first step should be to have your ruthlessly insulting husband move out and get himself some counseling. Your children need to be helping with chores at home and you need to be seeing a counselor. Your husbands insulting you is so wrong. He is abusing you and he needs to be out of your life. If your children are disrespecting you by not helping around the house that needs to stop and only you can stop it. You need counseling to help you figure out why you are letting these people abuse you and to help with your anxiety. Good luck.
Hugs mama. I’m sorry your going threw. I don’t understand everything your going threw but I also have mental heath issues and anxiety. If possible I’d apply for ssi or ssdi. And make it clear that you don’t feel like you can do it and that he needs to be understanding of you. If he still stays that way. I honestly would leave him and go apply for childsupport and tanf. Its better to take care of your self and kids then stay with a guy who doesn’t understand and insults you. Your self and your mental heath is more important then finding a job if he can currently support you all.
Maybe you could keep kids at home or get a job working at home. To me he sounds spoiled, like me me me, mine, mine, mine. That’s not a marriage or a partnership at all. I have rhematoid arthritis and I just started working again, it’s been 18 years and I’m glad my ex which his was he didn’t want me to work, he liked control but my new husband would love to make enough where I wouldn’t have to work by choice. I don’t have to work, I’m choosing to. We have struggled before and I did things like watch kids to earn money but he never acted like his money was his. It was ours. If we was going to spend money on big expensive things we talked about it first, he didn’t just jump up and do it which I wouldn’t stop him cause he did earn it. But we have respect for each other not to just go out and do it. Even before we was married. If you do go back to work then he needs to help with stuff around the house and kids. It shouldn’t be one sided but sounds like it is.
Are you able to draw disability at all, sounds like working a 9-5 job would be challenging in your situation
Perhaps work with animal rescue or dog and house “sit”? Animals are glorious for their ability to lower blood pressure and are knoen to bring joy.
It is very important to see a counselor and ask him/her for an advice. Because if you don’t feel well mentally, you can’t even look after your kids or do any other job. Also, your husband needs to have some sessions with the counselor because he is abusing you verbally. It could be that he is having any mental disorder. Normal people do not go around destroying other people.
Sorry, but it doesn’t sound like he has your needs in mind. It just might be time to move on. Find someone who will affirm and uplift you and your well being. God bless you.
Fukkkkkk that! If he wants to act a fool and spend money like y’all have a tree outback, let him!! But… tell him no go on the job!!! He only wants you to work so he can continue to spend your family’s money like a fool. No way!! $600 on a tattoo, what is thinking, he’s not 25 and single with no one depending on him, he has 2 little mouths to feed. If y’all were hurting financially absolutely, suck it up and hit the pavement, it’s for your fam. He’s selfish!
Are you on SSD? Do you have any income? Your husband may feel like as the breadwinner he doesn’t need to consult with you about spending money he earns. He may also feel like if hes working then house work and cooking is something he doesn’t want to deal with it’s your “job” so to speak. In my marriage I’ve been on both. When he worked and paid all the bills I took care of the kids and house, didnt expect his help. When I was the breadwinner, same way on the other foot. When we are both working and contributing financially, we both do the household chores and cleaning. Works for us. How would you support yourself and children if you decided to divorce? Wouldn’t you then need to work and take care of kids and house alone?
Are you actively in therapy and counseling? Support groups? Does your medicine need to be adjusted?
I hope you find peace with your situation.
Talk with your dr if you have one to start you on some medication that will help you. He shouldn’t be pushing you, that’s just a douche of him. Start with speaking with your dr because of you don’t get the help you need, getting a job would be senseless.
You need to heal your self before dealing with a ny one else. Your husband isnt helping you. Relationship counciling could help. What about volunteer work as a step towards paid employment? Have you applied for esa? If you arent fit for work you should be entitled to employment support allowance. You also need therapy. Your husband is not your responsibility and you are not the house maid. Its time to announce your needs to your family and inform them you no longer intend to be the cleaner or nurse maid. If you keep doing the same things you will get the same result. X
My husband is telling me if I don’t want to work that I don’t have to. I can go part-time if I’d like or stay at home and home school the kids. I have no mental health issues, just had a few health problems lately. You don’t need therapy as much as your husband does. My spouse supports me and would never pressure me to do things, he wouldn’t blow OUR money without talking to me, and would never make me feel as if I’m not worth his support. He knows my contribution would be caring for our children, our home, and him. I’m horrified that someone could treat their spouse in that manner. That being said, you should show him this post, it would be an eye opener on what a big ole butt he is.
First, I would apply for disability as with your conditions, you would qualify. Then if you wanted, get a part time job when your husband gets home and he can take care of the kids to give you a break
I see him wanting you get a job cause he doesn’t want to spend his money the way it needs to be spent. Providing for his family. A SAHM isn’t a easy jon and on top of everything you’re going through it makes it harder and from what I have read he doesn’t care. Sometimes the man has to be the sole provider, yeah it sucks but that’s life and being a husband and a father is. Spending money on tats and what he wants can wait til his family is taken care of. If he doesn’t see it then he needs to get his head out of his ass…
You should try a at home job and see if that helps. You contribute some and that should help you mentally as well.
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Divorce him, get spousal and child support, and get yourself some EMDR therapy to help deal with your past traumas. It sounds like a lot of work but it will be way less work in the end.
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Sounds like he wants you working so he can make plans to leave. Ya never know since he does not seem to communicate very well. You need to get banking info together and all financial papers as well. You need to talk to a specialist and also make some serious life decisions in order to get yourself in a better place. Working may help but you both need to care for the house and bills and kids
Get a divorce. If he’s ruthless with the insults, he doesn’t respect you, and it sounds like he just wants s to spend the money you’ll earn.
Money is absolutely not the issue here. Let’s say you get past the HUGE burden that is your mental health … then what?? You make more money for your husband to recklessly spend. Also, it sounds like you provide the balance by staying home and looking after all the “wrecking balls.”
You DON’T deserve the constant disrespect much less the disregard for you’re emotional situation ,with all you’re medical needs i would apply for SSI or disability ot is difficult to function when there is NO emotional support as for you’re husband making all that money he feels entitled to spend it as he wishes I’m sure he feels hell i work so i can do what i want i would medical help for yourself and take care of you’re children making more money isn’t the answer you need to take care of YOU before anyone else God is you’re provider he will help you stay positive
Wow I’m sorry for everything you’ve been.
I’ve also got pressured into putting my kids into day care and getting a job. But it honestly was the best thing because I got alone time and it help with a few big Bill’s and my car. Anyways my job was at the most maybe 4 days a week at 4 hrs a day.
Maybe that is something you can handle ??? Something small. So that way he can shut his mouth and maybe itll help you feel good again💗
Apply for disability. And get away from him.
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Your husband promised to love and take care of you when you took your vows. In a real man’s world, he’d be fine you home with your children. By the time you pay for child care you’d be lucky to break even. Get a second shift, even part time job to make you feel better, not him to spend recklessly. Let him care for the children. However, never, never put yourself down. Money isn’t everything! Being a mother and wife is a full time job. They’ve done studies to show how much it would cost one to hire people to do the jobs a wife/mother does. He can’t become the husband he should be, maybe you should look elsewhere.
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People who spend money on their wants before their and the families needs probably won’t make a difference with a little more money because its never enough, they don’t want to sacrifice and don’t think they should have to.
First of all, I truly hope you are in therapy.
My mother was extremely mentally ill and stayed home and truly hope you are seeking constant counsel with a professional.
I can tell from your writing here that you have a lot of issues and need help.
I unfortunately was cut on the pieces of my mother and hee illnesses, and I worked extensively to ensure my son did not have the same childhood as I did.
If you dont want to work outside the home no one can force you but it sounds like being away from the family might help you some.
I went through much trauma and including severe assaults. I’ve been on this buss and I know what its like.
I truly hope you can find healing and peace hun 
Having your spouse verbally abuse you isn’t going to help you get a job. What a POS. The only person who can change is you so I think getting a job is your decision. It may be best since he’s already spending money recklessly. This is your decision that none of can make for you but I hope with all this advice you can make one. Praying for you! 
Maybe just get something part time and something where you work alone. See if you can do it. If not, it’s ok to quit.
He insults you? Because you stay home and take care of your house and kids? That’s ridiculous! Who does he think is going to take care of the kids if you work? You spend more for daycare for 2 kids than you make, depending on job…tell him when they are older you will, and if he keeps up with the insults kick him out!
If you want to be able to go work, you need your husband to do his job “as a husband” and give you the support you need. I dont know how old your kids are if the are old enough to help take the pressure off by helping with the cleaning. Sounds like you really need therapy as well as marriage counseling as you have been through so much. You deserve so much more.
I’m trying to find childcare right now, and it’s like over a thousand a month for 2 kids. Make sure it’s even worth it to work because it might not be.
Get a job and get rid of him,take him to court for child support and alimony, verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse. JS
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First find what you like doing and do that, go into the area of job u are comfortable with, next u have to counter and fight the l can’t mentality no Matter the excuse behind it convincing u, go for that impossibility till u achieve it, that way u will win this mental health issues one by one. It’s a mental fight and u have to be the winner
After reading the bit where you say your husband is ruthless with insults i really think you need to leave him! Tou have been through so so much already you dont need more stress from him. You a worth more!
I know someone personally with the same disorders and that person works a full time job and does over time and makes really good money even the fact they have to go into 50 businesses and service them.
Print out the prices for daycare for those two babies and show him. You’d most likely be working just to pay for daycare!! Also, therapy for you. Take care of yourself.
get a call center job, and then apply for FMLA. you’d be in a secure building and when mental stress kicks in use the FMLA to cover you on those days you just can’t make it to work
You are actually qualified for a disability benefit. Did u apply for it?
You should contact a Disability Advocate so they can help you apply for it.
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Bite the bullet and get that job, save up and prepare to leave that man. I understand you said you are scared to try the job thing but it’s not like you are living better anyway, rather suffer doing something that’ll progress you. You can change this Boo. You are already winning at surviving.
Raising a 1 and a 2 years old its a hard hard job your husband should be more considered with you I am pretty sure he knows what you been thru. I hope things get better in your life.
You have to take care of your health 1st, sorry about the rude comments, try to jump through the hoops to get on disability. Taking care of 2 little kids 24/7 is a big enough job.
Where are you going to make enough money to pay for day care for 2 babies and still make a profit? If its really that big of a deal maybe pick up like 2 4 hr night shifts at like Starbucks. Leave him to do dinner bath and bedtime… bet after 2 weeks of that he decides its better you stay home.
2 babies in day care will be expensive so unless you are able to get a high paying job I would stay at home. I read so much about daycare mistreatment that would worry me too.is there any way you can stay at home until kids get in school then get part time.Also insults are never acceptable & especially not with all the trauma you have been through so he needs to stop that. You are supposed to have a partnership & all big purchases should be discussed . He should give you some spending money too. He sounds very controlling.
Make a spread sheet with him and see how much daycare costs vs your potential salary.
Omg the situation is a little different but some the same. The stress, the trying to please everyone… where are you? Please send me a private message so we can chat.
Maybe start out with a volunteer job. Helping animals or seniors. Might give you some courage before starting a paying job. I wish you well! Tell the hubby to ease off.
You could start with a part time job and see how it goes. If you want to stay home with your kids, tell him that. You can work once they are back in school even.
You can apply for ssdi that’s all disability’s that prevents u from being able to work!
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I would suggest finding a part time job and see how you go.
Preferably something low stress, even it’s boring like factory work.
If you find it to hard to juggle kids, job, mental health, then your husband needs to be supportive and let you stay home.
First. Well. Heck, I don’t have the answer, but I know you and husband need to get on the same page with money. It’s not his, it’s not yours, it’s ours Children do things that feel good, adults do things that are good for the family. YouTube Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University, listen, take notes, he has a call in show,find it. Listen to it. A job. You, dear have a disability. PTSD. Get to a doctor and therapist and get a care plan. File for disability, see if you can qualify. $65k a year is pittance. You two probably have no 401K, savings, college fund or life insurance.pity if you are missing even one of these elements. Then, the group in your squad are mess monsters, if I read you…“people can’t use you without your permission”. Shut the tv off, electronics, after breakfast, we clean. Everything sparkles, then you eat lunch, all have an hour, then back to cleaning, you know what to do. Now…you…are you taking any classes on line or at the community college? If you are not taking one computer or business class a year, you fall further behind. Get off the pity potty and read one volume of an encyclopedia at a time. I’m sorry if I sound harsh. I had the worst marriage in history. Abuse, money, cheating, drinking…I planned, worked, prayed, then left him and made a REAL LIFE for myself. Check back in…i care.
Stay home !! why put babies in daycare? That’s just ridiculous! Leave him and then he can pay child support and then he we see he didn’t have it so bad! What a jerk! You deserve better! You are working a full time job and with issues to boot!
Get professional help,dear ,at the same time resolve to get through this ,as a mom u have to.Earning ur own bit shall raise ur self esteem and allow u to b in a better position.so how so ever difficult it may be,resolve and start at something that suits u and labour through it.u shall get through it.u have a high level of self awareness and that shall protect u.
Have you thought about a doggy daycare job? Minimal work with people and the animals help an insane amount
Wow my life suddenly looks so much better and so easy… maybe try and find a job that your used to but do part time rather than full time?
Wow-I see slot of myself in you If you take on a job he should help with the kids and house. If you continue to stay home, as I did for 30 years, you should have knowledge of the money and that’s should be a busget
Leave your husband , hes 1/2 your problem . Take your kiddos and go , it will be rough at first but it will get easier , it will free you in an emotional way .
First you need to price daycares, that could eat up every dime you make. I have seen my daughter pay my grandchildren’s daycare, put 1 tank of gas in her auto and be flat broke
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You shouldn’t have to get a job to support his poor financial choices.
Get him a quote for full time daycare for the kids then show him what you would make… then mention now that both of you work, he will need to help more with the house work and kids. Maybe he will reconsider
Start therapy and start trying to find a job…as a couple yall will have to adjust to these changes as far as the kids and home…but u need ur own money. U need to get out the house and work on u…ur hubbys right. A job would benefit u
Although I also believe he should allow her to get her issues under control before attempting to work and he should be supportive
There are jobs that you can work from home at. With the pandemic right now it will be slightly harder to find a job.
Price out daycare for him, start talking about the 50/50 split of labor around the house that will happen, mention the list of things that will be added to his plate… then talk about how much you’d actually be bringing home. Sometimes they just need to see it a different way to understand you staying home is a better idea
Rediculous, he earns 65 thousand a year and doesn’t want you, there mother to care for your children, family’s who don’t earn enough to live then yes there’s no option, but surely he would rather you look after them than someone else especially as he burns money, that’s how issue, he has to sort that out not just make you get a job, plus with your mental health, I would point blank say, are you trying to harm me even more, 65 grand is enough to live
Look into SSDI, talk with your couenslor and physchiayrist to see where they stand on it. It doesnt have to be permanent and then when you feel a bit more ready you can look into the Ticket to work program
I feel if his earnings are enough,being a full time Mom is a full time job.Childcare alone would take a lot of your income.
Honsetly daycare would probably be more than yo u would make. Its It’s so expensive for two littles.
Who would take care of the house and kids him? It sounds like he doesn’t know how much work u really do. Let him try it as see.
I am not sure why you said trigger warning…that being said, I am normally all for both parents working. I am still but, it really isn’t going to worth it to turn over your check to a daycare. Unless he is willing to play Mr. Mom and you work p/t 2nd shift. If you have gotten married and had 2 kids you have persevered so I think you should be able to handle a job.
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You should get a labor job again! You don’t have to work in retail. Just make sure if you do, your husband understands that you need help
You’ll just be working to pay for childcare so what’s the point…
Its hard to do but get rid of him your getting mistreated get help to leave or stand up to him and threaten him that your Leaveing if he don’t change don’t waist your time not being happy life is short
Look in to local day cares and show him what day care us a month for two kids,
If you do start working he better jump in and start cooking cleaning and taking care of the kids! It sounds like he’s the problem.
Get a labour job if that’s where you comfortable working. But hes not wrong…for a home to function well most of them need two incomes…and talk to your doctor. Take control of your mind and body back!
I feel like your stuff is severe but you sound like you use it like a scapegoat… I have the same diagnoses minus the trauma… your husband shouldnt have to be the sole provider, that in itself is stressful af… I’m ready for the bs and the hateful comments…
Leave…i did it with 5 kids 2yrs ago…thats an abuser and he isn’t gonna change even if u talk 2 him
What do u think is best? Are u capable of making decision n not asking fb?
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Remind him of how much child support he’d pay if you two divorced. It would almost be enough to live on with out any extras.
I thank you should see a counseler.he should see one a counseler to. She should try for a disability check.
Tell him your kids need a full time mother right now. Maybe when they’re in school in a couple of years
If your husband insults you then he’s part of the problem. You should have support and love from him.
My other half works in a factory, pay is decent and hours can vary.
Cost of childcare for two kids kind of outweighs you working… I’m my opinion, unless you find something that pays really well.
- Get a job because your marriage is not gonna last.
- Get divorced because your marriage is toxic.
- Work out a plan for your life and future.
Have you tried EMDR? I highly recommend it.
If you have to go to work do it for you and yours drop the man and take his fun money away child support !!!
Maybe draw up a budget and start with that
You should stock shelves less stressful you dont have to interact with lots of people just maybe a few like co worker or supervisor
Are you able to get disability? Look into that
You should apply for a disability check unless you want to apply techniques that result in healing and growth
Anxiety is just fear
Fear with keep you stuck between the problem and the solution
You need a counselor to help you overcome that and you should dump your husband
What can 2 sick people do for each other?
Maybe look into a work from home job?
I wouldn’t do it. It’s not time yet.