*Trigger Warning* The father of my child committed suicide: How do my child and I cope?

The father of my son just committed suicide. I have no clue how to feel or what to say. It happened yesterday. I’m broken and hurt and sad and angry. My son is going to be five this year. I couldn’t take it anymore of him not knowing. All I told him was daddy got sick and isn’t in this world anymore. He understood not all of it but the point of it and did shed a few tears. I felt the need to tell him because he saw how sad mommy was and kept talking about his daddy. His dad and I aren’t together, but he shared a huge part of my heart as I did his. My question is, how did you help not only yourself but your child as well cope with a situation like this? Please, please, no negative comments. My heart is hurting so badly right now.

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My oldest was 5 and my youngest was 9 months old when their dad passed away 4 years ago. I told my oldest that his dad got really sick and went to heaven to be with all our family members that went to heaven. That’s really all I remember about the day that I told him. He didn’t really understand either. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Hugs and love sent your way :heartpulse:

I am so, so sorry for your loss and for your son’s loss. Those words mean absolutely nothing to you right now, but I know exactly what you’re going through. My son was two days away from being 10 months old when his father, my fiance, killed himself. I was in the house, called 911, the whole thing. Two things have saved me: 1. A fantastic support system, and 2. Counseling. Find people who love you and your son unconditionally and let them help you through this. Get on the same page with them so you’re all saying the same thing to your son. I’ll say this again: let them help you!! You are going to go through a whirlwind of emotions over the next days, weeks, months, years. You’re going to he numb, hysterical, angry, depressed, doubtful, furious, questioning, guilty, hateful, delirious… all of this is completely normal. Lean on your support system. And get yourself into therapy immediately. If your son starts acting out, get him into therapy too. Don’t create trauma for him though. However he feels is valid, just like you. When my son is old enough to start asking questions about daddy, I already know I will say, “daddy is in heaven, it’s okay to miss him, but he wouldn’t want us to be sad all the time.” Best of wishes to you and your little guy. One last important thing to remember: you will be okay. I know you can’t fathom that right at this moment, but it will be true.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. *Trigger Warning* The father of my child committed suicide: How do my child and I cope?

I’d definitely be looking into a therapist for both of you. And lean on family.

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I lost my father this way. Get therapy. Yes, even for the five year old. This is a devastating thing. It rips your soul out. Whenever I hear the song crazy it reminds me of that first year. It was a dark time. Don’t go through it alone. Get help.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you are feeling. Cherish the memories and certainly remind your child all the time that daddy loved him and never let him forget him (not that he will) as for you let yourself
Be sad for a bit and grieve. It’s okay. Try to stay busy and reach out to loved ones so your not alone thinking. Everyone grieves different. Maybe a therapist while it’s hard? Again my
Condolences.

No advice really, but just wanted to say that I’m very sorry for your loss and to hold your little one extra tight :heart::pleading_face:

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Therapy honey and I’m so sorry for your loss

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I agree with everyone saying therapy. I was 13 when I lost my father this way and didn’t cope well with it until I got into therapy.

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I’m sorry for your loss. You cope one minute at a time; one hour at a time; one day at a time. I would look for someone to talk to; whether clergy or therapist. The most important thing you must grasp onto is that this was not your fault. And you must heelp your son to understand that now and in the future when he understands more.

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Be kind to yourself and your son, let yourselves grieve, breathe

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I would definitely look at therapy hun but maybe a memory box that you could make with your son so he can look at pictures of his dad and put a little note book and colours and things like that In it so he can write and draw pictures for his dad it might help him express himself and he can look through it on his own and with you xxx

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Please look into grief counseling for you and for your son .this is very new so give yourself time to get through the initial shock .

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Coping with the death of a loved one is the hardest. You never get over the loss. Counseling will help for you and your soon. It is ok to be sad it is ok to cry it is ok to be pissed at him for causing you two the pain. It is also ok to be an emotional mess for a while. I an sure they are support groupsthat might also help.

With him being that young he may not understand completely. At least you told him the basics. Daddy is no longer with us. All you can do now is just grieve together and answer questions. I personally wouldnt tell him how he died yet until he is much older. Dont hide your grief he needs to see it.
Get some of his clothes and make a quilt possibly. Hold precious items back to give him throughout his life time and always let him know how much daddy loved him. Youve got this mom. Reach out to his pediatrician he or she will have resources to help you and him along the way. There is no easy way to deal with this. Much love and hugs and my deepest condolences

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I also lost the father of my son. Intentional overdose. It’s been 2 years, and I still struggle. My son is doing much better, however they didn’t really have a relationship. Just knowing that my son will never get to see his dad again is literally the hardest part for me. Seek counseling, lean on your family and friends and don’t ever let anyone tell you how to grieve. It’s a pain that will never go away, but it gets less painful each day. Stay strong momma, remember who is needs you right now!

Oh hunny I’m so sorry for you and your babies loss hold him extra tight hugs being sent your way

I lost my husband and my sons father last year, he was 8. 1 week before my sons birthday. I feel for you honey. I am here if you need anything.:heart:

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Im so sorry for your loss.you were right to tell your child the way you did. He is too young to understand and you didnt lie to him. I hope you can get some help for you through therapy or maybe your church minister.im praying for you .i cannot imagine losing someone you love this way.

I lost mine in January, it is absolutely the hardest thing I’ve EVER been through. He was not only my sons father but my husband. We were separated but we both loved each other and planned on working it out. I hit the lowest point I’ve ever been at in my life. PLEASE don’t handle it alone. Reach out, talk to someone, get on medication if you need it (because I absolutely need it) the first few months are a blur and I remembered I’m all my son has left. He’s what gets me from one day to the next. If you EVER need someone to talk to whose been in your shoes PLEASE don’t hesitate to message me any time! From one mom to another i KNOW exactly how hard this is and will continue to be and I’m here for you! I’m so sorry for your loss and your sons. I won’t tell you it gets better, but it gets a little easier. It’s been almost 6 months now and I still cry. It’s still hard. I miss him everyday and I hate the thought of having to tell my son about why he doesn’t have a daddy when he’s old enough to wonder. Definitely praying for your family :white_heart:

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Seek a therapist for you and your son

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Same thing happened to me and my son. We weren’t together either, but trying to co-parent. My son was 3 years old. Ughh. So sorry. If you ever want to talk to someone who’s been thru it, pm me. I struggled in so many unhealthy ways, but I’ve come to terms with it, and maybe now I can help someone else! :black_heart:

Therapy and dont keep bringing it up. Go to cemetery and let him send up balloons for his dad

Praying for you both … may the Holy Spirit comfort you during this time of grief and sorrow

You and your son need some kind of grief counseling. There are therapist who specialize in helping children get through this difficult time. It is going to be a long rocky road but together you two will heal. Prayers to you and your family.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I would look into some grief counseling for you and your son to help during this difficult time

There’s no time limit on grief, or right/wrong way. I’m sorry for both your loss and what you’re facing. Where he’s young show him and help him understand it’s okay to show emotion, even when upset and that it’s good to talk. I’m not sure from your post as to whether your spiritual but (example…) my dad was killed when I was 15, he was long serving forces and obsessed with aeroplanes so I associate seeing aeroplanes/chinooks etc as signs my dad’s around me as well as feathers/robins and my new experiences when I talk openly to my dad I get squirrels! People may think you’re mad but sod them if it brings comfort to you and your son, I know it helps me. My dad’s favourite music often comes blasting out the radio too regardless of what radio stations! I say goodnight etc to my dad every night/day. Hugs to you and your little boy x

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Whatever you do don’t blame yourself. He done this on his own! I just had this happen to a friend and they had been together for 10 years and it tore her up because she had no idea of why. Unless he left a note saying why then you will never ever rationalize it… prayers sent!

Please seek therapy.

I’m sorry for your loss. There is a community for suicide survivors, online forums, and questions similar to this. The website is: https://allianceofhope.org books: Books for Survivors of Suicide – Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors explaining to children: https://www.crisissupport.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/EXPLAINING_SUICIDE_TO_CHILDREN.doc.pdf

One day at s time. Your son might not fully comprehend what happened. But you both might benefit with the help of a therapist. And i am truly sorry

Definitely counseling, maybe visiting his grave, keep an open dialog. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Definitely grief counseling for both of y’all. I’m so sorry y’all are having to go through that. I couldn’t imagine the pain you are feeling.

Some of my signs after talking to my Dad, in low times I ask him to show himself in ways so I know he’s still around me x

I was 8 mths pregnant when my bf died by suicide. I always told him thst his dsd was in heaven but i didn’t tell him how till he was older. My biggest struggle was the questioning of why he did it. I became very angry with him for leaving us, mainly my son. Its an emotional rollercoaster that comes and goes. Its been 28 years and i still think about him all the time. His family and i also worked together and he spent every other weekend with his grandparents. He is very close to them. I don’t wish this on anyone.

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My son never knew his dad but he lost him 3 years ago to suicide, he was 14. The hardest thing for my son to cope with is the knowing he will never get a chance to know him. I agree to getting him therapy and just being there to answer any questions. Unfortunately they understand more than we give them credit for.

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Look for a local grief center in your area. Or a children’s hospital. They may have a child life support person who specializes in helping children process and deal with grief

You get yourself and your son into counseling immediately. My Mom died by suicide. Your son will never understand and there will always be that question “why wasn’t I good enough to stay for”. He will need lots of reassurance that his Dad didn’t want to leave him, he was just in too much pain. I can not stress it enough… COUNSELING. I’m so sorry he has to experience want so many have

My daughters dad committed suicide when I was pregnant with her.

It’s hard but she needed the truth. I’ve always been very open with her and answer any questions honestly that she has. It does get easier as time goes on but the void is always there. She knows it is ok to love her dad and sees the school counselor and a play therapist. She has anxiety and bad days- I give her grace and we deal with stuff day to day. Feel free to reach out if you would like.

I wouldn’t tell your son that he committed suicide until he is much older and can understand what suicide is. Not something you want him starting school telling everyone. As for coping try to stay in routine, cry in the shower away from your child. Only talk about the positive. I told my daughter the her pap went to a better place in heaven and is doing everything he wanted to do now. Then told her is she wants to talk to pap just look up in the sky and talk he is always listening.

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Babe my thoughts are with you and your little one and may he rest in peace now my really really good friend did this last year and I had to explain it to my then five-year-old and two year old that uncle was not coming to visit us any more because it’s he is with God now it is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do but you need to get him help specialist psychologist or someone someone that handles the stuff handle it a lot better now I want to talk about uncle so I’m glad I did do what many many people told me to do for us to speak to someone and my girls will say mum can we talk to the lady with the dolls so I make them the appointment and if I need to speak to her I’ll make an appointment for me and his mum is not coping at all very well some days so we go together and I think it helps helps her helps me we do it together sometimes we are here for you please know that you are doing a great job with your boy :green_heart::heart:

So sorry for your loss.Seek out a therapist that deals with the after affects of suicide.Mske sure their is a young child involved

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I became a widow of the age of 23, my daughters were 4 and almost 1, their father took his own life a week before my daughters birthday, she doesn’t remember him, but we talk about him often, she cries for him almost daily. It breaks my heart and makes me mad at the same time. The best thing to do is to be there for your children, she is now 9 yrs old and she still says how much she misses him, my oldest shuts her feelings down and won’t talk about him. But from my experience keep an open mind, and even though my heart is breaking, their little hearts are breaking more and more fragile. Neither of them know how he died, and I dread the day when we have to have that conversation because I have no answers for them. I wish I knew why, but we will never know the demons he and so many others face. Hugs to you, and just hold your kids tight!

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Get him grief counseling. Maybe you, as well.

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My father n also my children’s father both killed themselves 8 years literally almost to the day apart then 10 days later I had my youngest son. Get a therapist. My nephews mom passed away also when he was 7. I talked to him about what the wake n funeral was gonna be like, how his mother was gonna look etc. U tell them but in their words n age. Ppl say time heals all wounds, no that’s not true. **hugs

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I went through something similar, my sons dad died as a result of an altercation with the police (my ex was in the wrong). My son just turned 6 when it happened. He didnt get all the details, I just told him his dad was in an accident. I dont know when or if I will give him more details. What seems to help is that we visit his dad’s grave whenever he wants. We make a picnic out of it and bring one of his favorite foods to leave behind. I also keep videos and pictures to show him whenever he starts to miss him. I never tell him to not talk about his dad, he know he can come to me and talk about him whenever he wants.

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I think you answered the best you could for his age. So sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your son.

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Definitely grief counseling for you. Let your therapist guide you with your son. Monitor him and let him show you if he needs help.
I suggest this because I fear if he is constantly pestered with the situation it may make it worse. Let him guide you as to what he needs. It may be too early age wise for him to realize what has happened. He will need you to be open to conversation but try not to continually bring it up. As his mother you will know when he needs to talk.
I am sending you hugs! Any death leaves many questions to the survivors. You may never know the reason. Just know it isn’t anyone’s fault. He wasn’t well and felt he couldn’t handle things.
I am so sorry for your loss.

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My oldest daughters father died when she was 5 in a car wreak… it was devastating to all of us( we weren’t together either ) she is now 15, but she has been in counseling on and off for the past almost 10 years, shes gotten better with things, but it will take time… We talk about him often, she has pictures of him, and we always remind her of how much he loved her… But step one is counseling… you may also want to see someone to talk to too, I didnt for along time, but it does help …my thoughts and prayers are with you momma and your baby! :purple_heart::pray:

Mine committed suicide when our boys was 7 & 9 my oldest was 7 days away from turning 10 it took them a WHILE to come around but we done counseling & it helped tremendously!! They’re now almost 15 & 12 and talk about him more now but they still have their days.

Check out Dani Bates she is a widow and a mother of two little girls. She has lots of advise and personal experience on her page. My condolences.

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I am so sorry for your loss. My recommendation would be to see a counselor for you and your son.

My heart goes out to you and your child. Please seek counseling for you and your child. I wish you all the love and support :heart: So sorry you and your family have to go through this.

Counseling is the best answer

I don’t know but sending big hugs and condolences.

Thank God I have never been through this. My heart goes out to all of you. Love and hugs.

I’m so sorry your living with this and your child is. Prayers for both of you. My father committed suicide when I was 16. I’m 68 now I’ve never recovered. That being said I also didn’t get any counseling. Please get yourself and your child help. Also remember it’s not your fault. Only he did this. Again I’m sorry for you and your child’s pain.

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You need to be honest if he has questions and just be there for him and also know that he can be there for you too I’m so very sorry for your loss

I’m sorry for your loss. I recommend therapy and support groups. There are a lot of support groups here on FB for suicide survivors. Also, the now accepted term is “died by suicide”, not “committed”.

I’m so sorry for your loss. The father of my son passed away before he was born. He was the step father to my two older boys who were 5 and 7 at the time.
There is a place in south Florida called Tomorrow’s Rainbow and it is a grief counseling farm for children that have lost a parent. They helped me explain to my kids that he took his life. She walked me through what to say and we started the grieving process. Tomorrow makes 3 years that he has been gone and the kids still grieve from time to time.
Is there perhaps a grief counseling place that has group activities? My little ones did not respond well to therapy, but responded positively being around other children in their same situation.
Again, I’m sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your little one.

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You could right a journal on how your feeling . Also find someone to talk to.sorry for your loss

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Don’t know where you live but there are support groups for and for children. In Detroit it’s called Sand Castles
Suicide leaves so much hurt and guilt behind. Find a counselor or a group. Remember it’s not your fault
You told your child enough truth for now. Remind him he was loved

So sorry :frowning:
Thinking of you and your son!
Xxxxxxxxxx

My brother took his own life leaving behind my niece who was 3 at the time. She wasn’t told until she was nearly 7 I believe but was told by someone who had no business telling her. Please seek out a counselor before you make that decision. It changes the course forever.

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There are good books about death for children. Mousy. And others. There is a journal that guid s you through the grief.
Hugs often for your child

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I am not a mom but the oldest of 4 siblings whose father committed suicide when we were young. I was 13 and my youngest brother was 7. All of us got age appropriate grief counseling. It was hard for all of us but especially my brother who was 7. He didn’t understand until he got older. My advice would be to let him know the whole truth when he’s a little bit older, when he can understand a little more. I’m so sorry for your loss. :heart:

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So sorry for your loss, please get yourself and your child a professional to talk to, it will be the most beneficial option for you both. Wish you the best going forward.

I went through the same thing 2 days after my son turning 4, my daughter was 3months old. Keep the details basic but in their language. “Daddy died & went to heaven” etc. Definately grief / trauma counselling for your son and really importantly for you too. 4years on and I’ve only just come to the realisation that we really do need to fit our own oxygen masks before we can help others. That includes our kids. He will need lots of extra love and cuddles and reassurance from you. My son became very anxious if I needed to go somewhere and he had to stay with family / carers. He still spends nights in my bed scared that I will leave and never come back. Little things that may help… a pillow or teddy made from one of his tops. Photos for him to see. Talk about him / to him often. Send balloons with notes to him. We also had a led candle in my sons room that we ‘lit’ every night for Daddy so he could watch over us and see how we were doing.

Sending you all my love and support. What you are going through is so difficult. Please remember to be kind to yourself. Cry in the shower. Scream in your pillow. Talk to someone. It never goes away but it does get easier xxx

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My brother passed away from suicide. His youngest son was 6. He had a really hard time with it. He didn’t know til he was older of exactly how. My sister made him his photo album of pictures of his Dad from him as a young boy to grown up, pics with him with him, along with his brothers, (one also being deceased as he died from injuries sustained from car accident. He was 15) also had a memory bear made out of his clothes for him. He has certain things that is sentimental to him of his Dads. There is also a book that I would reccomend for you to read, and when your son is much, much older he can too if he wants once he knows how he passed. The funeral home got it for us. I will attach a pic of it in the comments. I am so sorry for your loss! Dealing with loss is hard on anyone, but when it’s by suicide it’s a much more difficult kind of loss to deal with. You will feel all the different emotions, and know that it’s normal. However, know that it’s not your fault! Cause you will feel guilt and that’s all part of the grieving process, but just know it’s not your fault. Definitely look into family counseling for you and your son, it will help too. Always keep his memory alive for yourself and especially for your son. Never feel like you can’t talk about him, cause it’s sad or anything. It’s how you keep his memory alive. Take your son to his grave site, let him talk to him, tell him he loves him, send balloons to him and/or put flowers on his grave for his birthday, Father’s Day, whatever the day may be. Tell him Daddy’s watchin over him from heaven. He is the whisper in the wind, a feather you find, a penny you find on the ground, cardinal bird, butterfly, favorite song playin on the radio of his.

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Please feel free to message me my sons father passed away a few years ago I’m sending such good vibes you’re way honey :sparkling_heart:

Love go to your GP they will refer you and your little boy for counselling, my husband was ill but died suddenly in hospital, our twins had just turned 8, they were broken, counselling was amazing, am so sorry this has happened to you, reach out hunni, much love xxx

It’s never get easy. Always pray to God for u and ur son to give you strength. And pray over your son. God see everything and heals all wounds. God bless u and ur son.

Counseling!!! For you, for him, and together…

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Find a grief councilor. When my uncle died his boys were elementary school age and they offered grief counciling. It actually helprd the boys and my aunt. I am truly sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine your pain. My inbox is open to you anytime hun

Grief counseling so sorry for your loss

Your welcome to message me we lost my husband and father of 5 to suicide in 2015

Talk to family and friends as often as possible :heart: and take it day by day

I found grief counseling really beneficial. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, be kind to yourself :heavy_heart_exclamation:

I think your son is too young to be told his father committed suicide. I believe it wise that you wait until he is old enough to understand. But first have the conversation about suicide, and that there are always individuals and organizations available to help those in crisis. It is Important too to understand that depression / mental illness is no different than any other physical illness, and that there is nothing wrong with seeking help / medication. Please understand the importance of him understanding suicide before sharing that his father died that way. Children whose parent(s) commit suicide are at greater risk of doing so themselves.

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Prayers for you both!! Find yourself and him a counselor. At his age he’s probably a little young to be told his dad committed suicide, but that’s just my opinion but every child’s maturity levels are different. I just know I have a 5 year old and I don’t know that I could tell him that.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, be kind to yourself.

Therapy, faith and love

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My 2 oldest kids dad died christmas day 2019. They were 7 and 9 at the time. After the initial shock and grieving i had them talk to a counselor for a little while. Now i try to always help them remember the good. We have pictures, tell stories, cook some of his favorite meals. We try our best to keep the good memories alive so they have them to hold on to. I’m so sorry for your loss. It is hard to help your child navigate something so terrible while you yourself are trying to work through your own grief.

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My mom died when I was 3. I honestly don’t remember a lot of it. But my older bro was 5. I also had a twin and a little 1 year old brother.

I remember my grandparents coming around a lot. I remember coloring out my feelings as I got older realizing my family is different because I don’t have a mom.

I was unlucky and had close family that didn’t really talk about it so I was left confused and felt alone for a long time.

The best thing you can do is be there. Answer questions as honestly as you can. Most importantly, talk about him when the kids ask. It makes them feel… Less taboo to talk about.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your child.
Make him a photo book. Tell him about his Dad as he grows up. Good memories.

Grief counseling, encourage him to look at pictures, see if maybe you can get some of his dad’s stuff for him to keep. I’m so sorry for you both. I can’t imagine

Maybe there is free therapy groups for children losing a parent that you two can attend

Possibly even groups for you as well

It hard when someone commit suicide everyone will be different on how the handle it

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You get help and cope and when your son is older then you will know what to say and how to tell him better then saying anything now! He is to young and kids have enough going on then to try to understand death! I am so sorry and I am praying for comfort for you and your baby!

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Sorry for your loss :disappointed: I was 5 when I lost my dad to suicide. We went to counseling and that helped alot! It was called Hearts of hope!

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this is hard to say but all im saying is prayers to you🙏 ive known a few to go this way and other ways.

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I’m sorry for you and your sons loss

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As someone who’s been in your exact situation (my son was 15 months though his bio sister was 5) I wholeheartedly recommend therapy/counseling for both of you and allowing yourself time to grieve. Ask for help if you need to, I promise you’ll get through it!

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Last September 28th, my daughter lost her husband of 20 years this way, and they share 5 children.
First, you have to allow yourself to grieve.
But, you need to remember that your son is going to have so many questions, and you have to be there for him.
As difficult as this is for you, you are an adult, and you have to set the tone and example for your son.

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Grief counseling would probably be the thing to look into. My dad died when my brothers were 3 and 5 and my mom had them in therapy. I was 11yrs and didn’t get therapy for that. My dad died of prostate cancer so I know its not the same but either way I think therapy is the way to go.

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I’m reading the comments n it is sad that so many people have lost their loved ones by suicide. My middle son tried to kill himself like his dad n gpa did but luckily he didn’t suicide. Just say it in his terms. That’s what I did. My kids were 6 n 4. It sucked. **hugs

I’m sorry for your loss and your sons loss , :pray:

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counseling will be a great tool for both of you. it will help you deal with it and him and also help you deal with your son. grieving is also the best way to deal with it. letting the emotions out instead of keeping them in. but, you have to stay strong for your son also. you are his biggest advocate and role model. prayers to you, so sorry for your loss.:cry::heart:

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