So. My husband and i grounded our daughter (my step daughter) for some reasons i dont want to explain.Her aunt wanted her to be with her after work and told us she wanted to see the kids. I stopped by and she tried to over ride me by trying to keep her there. I told her no. That she is grounded. She then tried to keep her from leaving the house, i told step daughter to get in the car. She then tried to stop her but she was smart and ran the opposite direction. Her aunt had a big hand in raising her with their mom since he was a single parent who worked all the time, until i came into the picture. She feels like she can over step me because of that reason. Should I have given in and kept her there or was i right about standing my ground for once? This is not the first time. She has overstepped me the last 3 years. Today, i wasnt going to let it happen. What rights do I have as a step mom and was i right about my decisions?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Was I wrong for not letting my step child go with her aunt?
If your married and live with the kid, my opinion is you are pretty much equal to dad and defo above aunt
She is His child and if He wants you to help with raising and you both put her on restriction then you are doing what her father wants .
What does her father say?
Iâm gonna need a reason for the grounding, to determine whether taking her from spending time with family was warranted 
Iâm kind of feeling like parts are missing. Based on your comment, about this not being the first time in the last 3 yearsâŚI may be reaching but sounds like perhaps something else is going on.
Where is mom? How close of a relationship does the child have with her aunt?
Steps moms arenât here to boss kids around. Often times step moms demand cooperation without actually looking at the bigger picture. Iâd suggest taking a step back and figure out the dynamics of what is going on and why there is a struggle with the auntâŚperhaps dad should be the step inâŚnot you.
Her dad needs to get involved.
So u went to her aunts house and ordered her to get in youâre car. Tbh i wouldâve stopped you aswell.
I think you overstepped
Well just curious if she was already grounded and you didnât want her staying there with the aunt then why would you take her over there in the first place ? Not saying what the aunt did was right but thatâs kinda confusing lol i would talk to dad and if he wants to take her over there let him do it sounds like thereâs alot going on with you and the aunt and thereâs alot missing from this
If you and her dad grounded her and he has agreed with what you have done then you had every right to do so.
I do not think you overstepped. If youâre taking care and raising that child now and have been left in charge of that kid then YOU say what goes. everybody in the comments down sizing GOOD step moms, get your head out of your @$$es.
Withholding a family visit is separate from consequences. Not apart of them. Whatever is happening in your house gets put on pause. Also. Have a conversation with the father to find the right answer as to the boundaries.
You are right. This aunt is overstepping .tell your husband to set her straight. Its all confusion for the poor child.
You did not over step! You did the right thing. I have done the same. You are her parent and the Aunt is a aunt. Been there done that. She is grounded point blank.
You were in the right!!
You did right. Itâs not like the Aunt doesnât see her and lives out of state. When your grounded the point is you miss out on things and to remember not to get in trouble the next time.
The only question is whether or not her Dad agrees with your decision.
If he does, and he wouldâve done the same, then no- you were not out of bounds.
If he disagrees and feels like you shouldâve let her stay, then the issue is between YOU & HIM. Not the aunt. Not the child.
You and your man need to be on the same page. I cannot stress this enough.
I will say this, the aunt is out of bounds 
She should NOT be acting that way in front of the child. If there is a disagreement between the two of you, discuss it somewhere private. Her behavior is ridiculous and Iâd be PISSED.
Yeah this story isnât adding up for me⌠so many pieces left outâŚ
Sounds like Dad has to grow a set, and speak to his sister. Iâm sure you both appreciate what aunt did, just as they should recognise that a step parent loving and treating the child as their own is better than someone indifferent.
If her father agrees then yes ur in the right especially her being grounded. I have a stepson and I get ppl who do that to me and me and his bio mother get a long and discuss thinga
I think her father shouldâve made the decision. Itâs his daughter & sister.
Sheâs been in this childâs & her dadâs life all their lives. Sheâs a legal relative who would get custody before you if your husband passed. So yeah sheâs going to override you. Youâre just playing mommy until your relationship ends. Auntie is forever. (I know this pissed some of off you. Sorry⌠Not sorry. Facts are facts even when you donât like them)
You have just as much authority of that kid as she does, none
Some of you are not understanding that the father grounded her as well. And his sister was trying to overstep him as well.
Sounds to me like you overstepped. This woman has been raising this child along with her parents then you come along and decide youâre charge? Youâre setting yourself up to be hated by all involved parties.
Your confusing the child by taking her over on punishment. And your new to the picture the aunt is like the mom before you. Should have let her stay
Stand firm. Next time she tryâs to prevent her from
Leavening the house. Speak up and say do I need to call the cops since your refusing to let my child leave?
While Iâm all for standing up for yourself and children, you donât use keeping a child away from family as punishment.
as a step-mom, unless you have legally adopted the child, you have exactly zero ârightsâ. if your husband died, the child would be removed. That aside, if she was grounded, and if the reasons for that grounding were valid-which seems dubious based on your immediately not wanting to explain them- then this should have been a conversation that includes her father, Personally, if i was the parent of a child who was grounded for valid reasons, I wouldnât take that to include family outings. Especially for a kid who has had a difficult childhood. I am also confused as to what actually went on- the kids were at the auntâs house and you stopped by and then the aunt wanted to keep her? She was already there if I am reading correctly so this doesnât make a whole lot of senseâŚ
If you are helping raise the kids NOW you have every right. Who raised her growing up is irrelevant to the now. Aunt is out of line. Btw people who arenât understanding this the FATHER grounded her.
Considering you AND your husband grounded her, no youâre not wrong. But you shouldnât have even went over to the house to begin with. Husband needs to have a conversation with the sister.
You did good. you are the parent also and you both made thatâs decision the dad probably would have been irate
What does her father say? He canât put that all on you⌠makes you look like the bad guy
She was grounded by you and her father. End of story. 
Aunts are just like Mommas. I was a Momma/Aunt to my niece, my brothers Child. I stepped in when my SIL started yelling at my niece, I said âNo Maâam, you donât do that, you donât yell at my niece, Not in my house. I was here WAY before you got in the picture, I will protect her at any costs. You are a âStep Parentâ which isnât shit.â
Sorry⌠Not so Sorry!
I mean same with my Step Mom, she has No say in what me and my brother or my sister sayâŚ. She is my Daddyâs Wife. My Mom is my Mom. Daddy is our Daddy. Step Momâs Mean Nothing!!
Sheâs grounded end of story
Way too much left out of this story to even figure out if YTA or not. How old is the kid? How long has she been in her life? I mean, is she 15 and only knew you since sheâs 12? That aunt is like her mother too.
Nope not wrong. Leaving and having fun is a privilege
That aunt shouldâve been on your side, once that child is out of ear shot your husband should call and reprimand her!
She has no authority. She needs to be reminded of her place and that she has not right to an opinion. If she wants to be a part of the kids life then she needs to respect all rules and boundaries you and the father set.
All in all she should be grateful you took her by. You didnât have to at all. And as far as she not caring about you and the fatherâs decision. Just shows where she standsâŚleave her there she will learn one day.
You have more rights than the aunt does. Shame on her.
What did her father say? How old is she? I feel like itâs a tricky situation you may want to talk to him about. Do you usually have a good relationship with his daughter? If not this could push her further away from a good relationship with you. She probably looks at auntie like a mother figure since sheâs been there so long and sounds like she did most of the raising.
You have no rights as a step mom and I believe you should stay out of that. Let the dad handle his child
No rights. No say. No nothing. Let the parents deal with it
Nah !!! She has not right over her just because she helped her brother raised her , she was grounded end of story , you did the right thing
Im going to be that person sorry⌠why she was grounded is important. Grounding a child from spending time with their familyďżź, Itâs not gonna teach them to pick up the laundryďżź. When they are the smelly kid at school and they have no clean clothes that might teach themďżź. If they donât close the bedroom window like you asked and then its cold in the middle of the night that might teach themďżź. Regardless, you said that the Aunt helped raise her well the Aunt was there before you and sheâs going to be there after youďżź. If you are considering your stepdaughter like your own biological blood daughter then you should be grateful that you have family who loves her so much and more than that will be there to help and support her when you cannot be there to so so. punishing a child should not inhibit healthy relationships with their family members. Time is limited for all of us.
What she did was a crime, attempted kidnapping, wrongful imprisonment. File a police report, send them to her house, bet she doesnât try that s*** again. Cut her out of your life. I have cut family members out of my life, ( I should of done it years before) who undermined my rules with my daughter, because they thought they were a better parent because I was a single mom, and they were married, TRUST ME THEY WERE NO WHERE NEAR PERFECT PARENTS, calling them good parents would be a stretchâŚ
Well all these people saying you have no right, you have just as much right as the aunt in my opinion, more actually because the one with all the rights set the rules that you are enforcing, clearly the grounding was for good reason. You and their father agreed to terms, you are enforcing that agreement, which is in your right to do so.
You were rightâŚshe should listen to youâŚnot underhand youâŚhave a private conversation and let her know she overstepped her boundaries⌠go with your instinctsâŚ
I donât think kids should be grounded from someone who help raise her as a punishment. They love one other. She could help guide her in what ever your having trouble with.
Youâre NTA but that Aunt is!
Everyone complains about step parents not stepping up-until they do. Then itâs a different story. You were 100% in the right in my opinion. Kids need discipline. If you continue to let her aunt take over she will use it to her advantage. Youâre doing a great job!
I think what you did was correct and it seems like your stepdaughter also respects you by listening to you and getting around her. If sheâs grounded, sheâs grounded. You and her dad being married kind of gives you authority as a parent figure. I say you made the right call.
My husband and I have grounded or disciplined my bonus daughter. And my mother in law liked to over step what we say or do. Iâve had to remind both bonus daughter and MIL that when she is with us what we say goes, we are the parents regardless of step or not. My mil realized pretty quick if she oversteps it can affect her relationship with our other 2 kids as well and no one wants that. So since then it has gone pretty well. It took a blow up between her and I in my front yard during our gender reveal to get it through her head.
Thatâs on your husband not on you
Well, that is a hard one, but I grew up with an abusive step dad so Iâm a bit traumatized. I would have called her dad. You are not her mom( not trying to be mean about it ), and since this was family, I would have thought twice about it. The reasoning for the grounding is important, because honestly it sounds like the reason was stupid and you donât wanna be honest about it. Of course we can only make assumptions. You do have rights as a step parent, but you shouldnât over step boundaries either. How is your relationship with this girl? Whatâs the reason for the grounding? Did you consult with her dad? Some of these people answering were never the step child and are siding with you only from a parental stance instead of looking at the whole picture. In conclusion, I donât think you were wrong for standing your ground, but I think you were wrong in the way you went about it and should have consulted her dad. Personally, being grounded shouldnât keep you from spending time with family. My dad did that, and my cousin died 3 weeks later. I never got to say goodbye and he regretted that. Friends, hanging out, yeah no youâre grounded youâre staying home. Family? Thatâs a different ball game. Aunt should have consulted with her nieces dad if thatâs the case instead of arguing with you about it. She needs to also learn her boundaries as well.
My partner has been step dad to my girls since they were 3 years & 8 months old and weâve been together 5+ years now. My family respects him as their real father and always abide his rules because they know heâs the one stepping up and helping me raise them. I think your feelings are valid & she should respect the boundaries you set for the child.
Although aunt might have sly feelings towards you because to her you might just be a partner to her brother but hopefully over time she sees the family structure you guys have built and comes to terms that she doesnât have to overstep you and instead just be happy for her brother that he found a good woman/mother for her niece.
Even if you are a âstepâ parentâŚyouâre still parenting!! You did the right thing! You brought her to visit not to keep herâŚshes lucky you did! Aunt or not sheâs not raising the child nowâŚyou and her father are! Shame on her for her ego thinking she over rules your household! Child needs to be aware!! Great they have a good relationship but that doesnât overstep what happens in your house and your rulesâŚpersonally I think she just created an issue by doing this and shows the child itâs OK to disrespect you 
Similar situation with my nephews. Depends on how long yall have been together. I no longer over ride my brothers wife with his boys because sheâs been in their lives as a mother for 8yrs. The first couple years I absolutely over rode what she said because I still helped raise them. I will say, however, my brother wasnât in a good place due to addiction and their bio mom is still a steaming pile of garbage. These days whatever she says goes. Sheâs earned it
- You and your husband were in agreement on her punishment.
- You werenât just standing up for your authority. You were supporting his authority and your partnership as parents.
- Her being related doesnât give her anymore authority than if she had just been as a hired nanny.
- Your husband is her ultimate authority and conveyed that same authority to you when he agreed to marry you.
- If she cared anything about your daughter, she would be encouraging her to follow your rules so she could stay the next time. She is doing your daughter a disservice by teaching her to disrespect the rules at home.
- Absent abuse, she should support you both as your daughterâs parents.
Reason you donât wanna say? Why? Because they arenât good reasons?
She shouldnt be grounded from everything when. The aunt is prob more mom to her than you are⌠your just his wife ⌠you should of asked dad what you should do⌠id of let her go⌠she can be grounded from stuff maybe a friend but family? Crazy . makes you look bad and the evil step mother⌠let ur husband make those decisions.
You were right in standing your ground. I think your husband needs to speak up to this aunt & tell her that was not okay to be doing.
Grounded is grounded.
The aunt may have helped raise her, but the aunt is still not the parent.
You are the parent. Not her
Since it was her aunt and family, I feel it was beyond your role to step in and control this situation. I think her father should have been called and he should have made that decision.
Stand your ground until her father says different. And once he stops backing you up, your means of helping raise this girl are destroyed and then you may as well take the kids you had before and run.
If your grounded your grounded definitely wouldnât be at auntâs house having a good time tell her to come pick her up when she isnât grounded anymore . Punishments need to be followed through with or kids will walk all over you. Also seems she listened to u by running around past the aunt and back to the car
You need to make it clear to that Aunt that you And her Father grounded her. That should shut her up!
You and your husband are the only ones in charge. Not the Aunt so you and him have all the say. If she is grounded and you say no to her going with the Aunt. The Aunt should understand that and drop it . Stand your ground.
You have more rights as her step mother than her aunt does âŚdonât let that woman push you around and undermined you.and for her to actually physically try and stop the child was totally wrong .she should apologize to you and tell you that she will never try to override your decision again . before she is even aloud to see the child again
Do not let her overstep your decisions, that will definitely teach your step daughter to ignore what you say and that she can do whatever she pleases as long as her aunt has her back.
You both grounded her so yes she should have got in the car and went home when you told her too. Clearly your husband has no issues with you being her mum now so you can make those decisions while heâs not there. The aunt had no rights to tell her what to do if you have already told her. I donât care if she had a hand in raising her you are now her parent. Iâd get you husband and sit down with her and tell her sheâs not the girls mother and she should never tell the child to do something different if you have told her the plans. My stepdad had a hand in raising me and both him and my mum were a team and if one said I was grounded the other followed suit as thatâs what parents do. My suggestion is speak to your husband and tell him enough now and speak to your girl and tell her that you are her parent too and no matter what you guys will always be a team whether that be for good or for bad like grounding. My stepdad was my sons grandad and Iâd never say to him oh your just my stepdad and not his grandad he married into our family and then became our family.
Honestly, she sounds like a boundary crossing piece of work. Good for you for not backing down. My advice for your own sanity would be to have your husband put her in her place and deal with her because she sounds crazy.
As the favorite aunt, I override everyone. However, it depends on age. My nephews are young, 1-9, my nieces are older, 12-21. So when I have the chance to take the kids I always do. (Iâm usually super busy with work). They get ungrounded while at my house, because I donât get the opportunity to have them much anymore. It depends on perspective, age, and what theyâre grounded for.
Theresa Aramburu Not necessarily. You are making quite the assumption based off of your own experiences. It says right in the text that aunt was present helping bio mom while single, kind of seems like she stepped up more than dad. If I were bio mom I would 100% be giving the childâs aunt more rights than the stepmother.
Despite anything else your husband left his daughter (your step daughter) in your care while he was gone so doesnât really matter why you said no. Doesnât matter if she was grounded or not grounded. You weâre currently responsible for her so what you decided goes regardless. Only person in my opinion that has a right to over power your word would be her father. (assuming her bio mom isnât involved at all)
Aunt needs to know she is an AUNT not a parent. Yes she helped when dad was single and working now there are 2 parentsâŚshe is creating issues and confusing kiddo this way
Iâve had this kind of happen. An aunt who thought she was going to step in and take over with my SS when he was young bc he was being difficult and she was just going to do things for me. I didnât make a scene at the time (DH was there but didnât see what happened). It only happened once bc I had him call her later and let her know that it was NOT ok and would cause problems for us in the future. I saw red though, so I understand how this makes you feel. We donât necessarily have rights as stepmom, BUT when DH puts us in charge, we are in charge. I would talk to DH about this and have him speak to her.
You and her father grounded her. That shouldâve been respected.
You were right. She was WRONG
Be proud of yourself mom.
You are the mom. You set the boundaries. As long as you and her father are on the same page youâre not wrong.
You and auntie need to talk and learn to work together. Auntie was a big part of daughters life and will continue to be. You are mom now and teaming with husband
Auntie needs boundaries but understanding too
Go to court and illegally adopt stepchild/children that way you have all legal say
In my house grounding doesnât mean preventing kids from seeing family members.
Family is your support system. When you rob them of that, you do it at the detriment of the child and your relationship with the child.
You should be ashamed of trying to prevent her from spending time with her aunt. Maybe sheâs acting out and getting in trouble because sheâs going through it right now and her aunt is her safe space.
You can resume grounding in regards to friends, phone, electronics whatever⌠but preventing a kid from spending time with family??? Nahhh. Thatâs not ok.
Good for you! You are not wrong. Staying with aunty is a privilege. They are grounded means lost privileges⌠Itâs hard enough to discipline kids without backlash and stand your ground with a kid let alone having to stand your Ground with an adult! Shame on the adult!
Sheâs grounded
Your responsible for her
She needs to respect you
Not wrongâŚ
your husband is the one who should be dealing with this not you, I learned this as a stepmom myself.
If you and your husband are a United front everyone needs to co-parent together for the best interest of the kids and no other reason should trump that
Work this togetherâŚit will be so much easier
Grounding does not mean you canât be with familyâŚ
you are right grounding is grounding and itâs now you and your husband that set the rules. You stand up for your rights as the mother just because she helped in the past your husband and you now and she needs to back off
As this reads to me I donât feel like the step mom was in the wrong. She is following through with what her husband said to do. They are showing a united front. She let the aunt see her and spend time just not like an over night visit. If this particular person kept doing this to any of my kids step or not theyâd be lucky they got to see them for that much especially for encouraging her to go the opposite direction and not following what I said to do. If you want to be technical or legal neither one really has a full say the step mom nor the aunt. Family may be a support system but not every family member has your family in the best interest either.
To me, grounded doesnât mean you canât be with family
She can overstep you. You r not her mom and this power struggle will not end well. Drop the step parent act and be her friend. Let her dad do the discipline.
Nope you did the right thingâŚI absolutely HATEâŚwhen ppl do that! I donât care if she was or wasnât âŚyou said NO!!!
Esp doing it In Front of the child
Tbh Iâd speak to the aunt directly and tell her if she EVER tries that stuff again, especially trying to physically keep the child from leaving, SHE may be grounded from being around said child until she learns how to act
You were right about it 100% she needs to learn boundaries