I don’t know what to do or how to feel about what just happened…my husband has been in the field for over a month and they were not allowed to take their phones with them so there was no way to contact him or ask him anything…but there was a fellow army wife in a group asking for help…her husband had kicked her out and she was 30 weeks pregnant…i took her in and let her stay with me until her mom could drive out and pick her up…she was scared to travel alone and the car was in her mans name…i didint see an issue with this at all…i couldnt bare to see her on the streets while being pregnant…but he came hpome early without even telling me and blew up…saying this is something we should have discussed and she could haver been crazy and hurt our kids (she wasnt and didnt) but now he wants nothing to do with me and he says i never take any one else into consideration but myself and now i am beyond hurt by him…was i wrong?
I see his both sides, he is right in the way you didn’t know her and she could’ve been a psycho etc. but you knew it was morally wrong to leave a pregnant woman homeless. This is a hard one. I do think it should’ve been discussed but like you said, you couldn’t.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Was I wrong to bring a homeless army wife into my house?
You meant well, but can see his concern. Putting her in contact with a social worker or resources would’ve been ideal. But…I see your compassion.
I understand his concern, but at 30 weeks pregnant I can’t say I’d have done any different.
You took her into consideration. He just didn’t like not knowing. I see his point, but u trusted your instincts.
Nope! You were doing the right thing! She was pregnant and a fellow army wife!!! He should be pissed off at his brother in arms and asking wtf his issue is! I’m my opinion both men are pathetic!! #usnvet
No, you couldn’t contact him. You made the call, you are an adult. Would I have left the women alone in the house with the kids? No. But she needed a place. You seemed or I am hoping you verified her story before letting her in. But I’m with you. You did right
She meeds to call his 1st sergeant. In the military they are required to take care of their family and can get in huge trouble for neglecting them.
I see both sides. You obviously have a big heart and meant well but it sounds like he’s stressed as well
You are both correct. His feelings are valid but so are yours and he shouldn’t be blowing up on you given the circumstances.
I understand where he’s coming from as far as you and your kids safety etc. But you has no way to get a hold of him and look at your beautiful heart:rose: . I know that would’ve pulled my heart strings as well especially as a woman etc. Peace and blessings I pray everything works out and he’s able to calm down and hear with his heart:rose:
This is tough because I see both sides. Your husband’s reaction seems like it comes from the fear of what if. As for you, I just think wow what a loving heart you have but maybe a little to loving. I’m not military but, couldn’t she seek help from his command or another military resource you could have helped her obtain? I’m so sorry you are going through this because I know it came from a place of love and just wanting to help someone.
As a pregnant lady, thank you.
I agree this is not a decision you should have made alone when you don’t live alone.
I understand him being upset and concerned but only due to the safety of you and your children, that was a BIG risk. However, to want nothing to do with you? Is a stretch, I could see a few days of frustration…but not to that extreme.
Nope. I would have done the same. But also contacted his command and gotten the Army involved and contacted social services and got her connected for money and resources.
You were doing what any decent human being would do. I can understand his concerns, but blowing up on you is an over reaction on his part.
I see both sides and I think he’s over reacting however there are resources afforded to her in this case. She can go to the family readiness center on base and they can help her, husband also cannot kick her out if they live on post, the mps will place him in temp barracks. If off post She has a right to a portion of his BAH until the divorce is finalized, contacting his chain of command can help get that set up for her.
You are 100% wrong if you allowed a stranger to stay around your kids. If it was just you, then that’s on you. But he’s mad because of the kids and he’s correct. There’s a difference between doing a good thing and protecting your kids. You could’ve helped her find a shelter or rented a hotel room.
He has a right to be pissed. I would be too. You can’t do that these days.
As a fellow army wife this isn’t uncommon or rare. We always open our homes up. I had people do this for me when I was engaged and traveling back and forth. Stayed with random wives and still 10 years later friends with them This wife should of gone to JAG though asap because the house is technically hers. He’s supposed to leave.
It’s scary when kids are involved though so I can see him being worried
She probably cheated on her husband and that’s why he booted her out.
Ur intentions where in the right place but hes not wrong u did put ur family in danger and at risk u also put his career in danger…there were better ways to help her specially if u live near a post that wouldnt have put ur family at risk…just because it’s a military spouse does not make them safe. I would apologize if I were you!!
I would have done the same thing
He is done with you? that is a bit extreme for the situation… sounds like a easy out. I would have helped her too. she is human
I believe that your husband is a selfish person and this is something that’s just one of his personality traits. If this was me my husband knows that I do stuff like this. I would text him why and give him some breathing room. Every time you go to him trying to explain yourself is only going to make him angrier.
Did you know her already?
I understand trying to help but I would never bring someone I didn’t know and met off an fb group into my home… I would be pissed if my husband did something like that… You never know what could of happened… I have to agree with him… I don’t think it’s right he wants nothing to do with you but you could of put yourself and your children in serious danger
I mean he is right and his feelings are totally valid
The pregnant should have gone to her husbands command. He can get in major trouble for what he did.
100% you’re in the wrong. Allowing a complete stranger in your home is so reckless. My parents literally did this with people off the street and they’re lucky we were never murdered in our sleep.
I commend you for helping a fellow army wife. I don’t see anything wrong with the choice you made under the circumstances of not being able to reach him. He can’t be mad that you made your own decisions on some things that were out of his control. It’s not like you did it to be spiteful. You did it to help her.
I don’t know when I was an Army Wife we all looked out for each other because we all knew our husband were married to the military first.
I would have done the same thing
You helped someone in need, yet you only think about yourself and never take anyone else into consideration… I can’t wrap my head around that part
He is looking for a way out
i wouldve helped her too, your husband should evaluate his feelings again and see it from your point of view, being a kind and generous woman that you are you dont deserve to go through pain just because of helping.
You dont live alone and you should have discussed with your husband too its HIS house too and I understand you want to help but you need to talk with husband FIRST before anything else. Just like he talk to you FIRST before anything else too together make decisions.
Yes it shouldve been discussed prior but its the christian thing to do. Offering her shelter and safety shows compassion…His anger at you is unwarranted . Should it be the other way around and you were homeless with kids Wouldnt he prefer you safe?
You could have helped her in a different way I guess he’s mentally probley going through alot
Thank you for stepping up. Living life with love and compassion is always the best way to go.
There should be a service in base of your husband continues to act like this use it …if he does not act like this now he does yea seek help do not be a statistic
Sounds like he’s using that as an excuse. He can be pissed but not wanting anything to do with you doesn’t sit right.
Oh wow. Definitely apologize. Your ok now and she wasn’t crazy and is gone now… right?? Don’t do it again. Hopefully he will calm down. Life is to short to be angry. People make mistakes.
Seems like he was looking for a reason to leave you.
I can see him being concerned however his reaction and continued behavior seems more than a bit over the top. I’d ask him what’s really going on here.
I think you were in wrong because you did it with out talking with your husband first. If you couldn’t talk to him then that should have been a “I shouldn’t do it then”. I appreciate your compassion and caring, there isn’t much of it anymore, but you could have helped her in another way. Also, if it’s on base housing I don’t think he can just kick her out if I’m correct. So have her call housing.
I think your husband is a jerk to treat you this way it’s one thing to be upset but to keep carrying on is totally bullshit
I can understand his concern but he’s going a bit Ott is there more to this story is it his mates wife or something
Idk… I understand you both… However, she wouldn’t have been on the streets cuz she could’ve gotten a hotel or went to a shelter. I would however NEVER let any stranger stay in my home with my children… How uncomfortable for them… But listen, somebody put that on your heart to help her. Yet still … you have to understand his side as well, and I would apologize.
It should’ve been discussed, but his response is over the top
It’s great you wanted to help her ot os. But you can’t bring strangers into your home or you shouldn’t. You don’t know people. Tho often bad things that happen are by someone you know and not a stranger. But it’s a risk you shouldn’t put your children in.
If she was/is a mil spouse and pregnant you should have gotten her husband’s command involved. Let them sort it out and gotten her somewhere to stay safely.
Your husband reacted the same way mine would have. You did think more about her safety then your own family.
Because even tho she was scared her husband could have come over and done some scary sh!t to your house. It would have been your kids… I understand why you did it. But also why your husband is upset!
Not in the wrong. Ideally you would have been able to talk to him first, but that was not an option at that time. Your a grown ass adult who should be trusted to make your own decisions without him or anyone else when you need to and that’s exactly what you did.
She is pregnant. She was kicked out and only stayed long enough for her mom to come get her. It’s not like you moved her in long term
Wow! You did something that was so kind and amazing and this is his response?? I would suggest you reevaluate if you even want to be with someone like that. Maybe only mamas know what it feels like to be pregnant with all those hormones and anxiety- that’s so despicable of her partner to put her out at 30 weeks pregnant but I so commend you for stepping in the gap for this mama We need more people like you in this world
You would be livid if he let his mom move in y’all’s house without discussing it with you first:face_with_raised_eyebrow:… this is where you mind your business
He sounds like a jerk. You helped someone who needed help. Good on you.
Any man, military or not (my fiance is 100% disabled combat vet) that is that much of an asshole to let a 30 week pregnant military wife be homeless does not deserve you. I have opened my home to some women to get back on their feet. A few worked out, the others I helped get the services they needed. Which only takes a couple days. Your friend had a plan in place. She followed through on her plan and moved with her mom. Your a kind human. Your husband is not. Military wives hold everything down for these soldiers. He obviously is insulting you by not thinking your smart enough to make a decision like that. Let him go! Goodbye!
You know how ppl say it’s OK I drive drunk because I didn’t get into an accident. That’s what you sound like when you say nothing happened to the kids. Being pregnant and an army wife doesn’t automatically make someone a good person. If you make these types of decisions, then I can understand his reaction. I couldn’t be with someone who takes in strangers into my home while I’m not there and my kids are.
Sounds like someone has control issues. Helping the helpless if you can is always a good thing.
I see both sides.I completely understand where both of you are coming from.However,you couldnt exactly get ahold of him and you made a quick decision.I wouldve helped her as well.
In the military we’re a community and I’m sure if something happened to you he’d be happy someone opened their doors for you.
We often live nowhere near family and friendships are hard as a military family. I can respect his feelings however he is overreacting by punishing you in such an immature way.
I’d reach out to MFLC and get the lady’s husband’s chain of command involved so they’re tracking what happened. And possibly seek couple’s counseling for yourself and hubs so y’all can work through this. I understand safety but in our military culture it’s not uncommon.
I knew spouses who had families stay in their basements during a storm, had people sleep over during holidays when spouses were on deployment etc. It’s a family dynamic between strangers honestly.
I understand how you feel as a woman and I understand how he feels as a husband. So neither one were wrong thank goodness everything made out ok . I myself would apologize to my husband and assure him I would discuss matters with him from now on.
Your intentions were good , you were helping a person in need, I have done that before as well. Were there risks? Of course but I believe your husband overreact, yes he has a right to be upset but in your defense y’all he no communication due to him not having a phone since it wasn’t allowed. I have to agree with other people here that he was looking for a reason to leave .
You did the right thing. Since there was no way of contacting him he shouldn’t bitch.
Totally wrong, especially having kids in the house, you should’ve never brought a stranger in your home, your husband is right
If it was him bringing someone into your home without discussing it first, would you not be mad??
I don’t see where you were wrong. I would have done the exact same thing. I’m sorry love, explain to your husband that it could have easily been you on the streets.
My first thought reading this is that he was looking for a reason to end your relationship. A level headed person doesn’t flip out over helping another.
You wasn’t wrong…you acted on your instincts to help a fellow woman…if it was a friend of his he wouldn’t think twice…I hope he realises how lovely you are …what would he say if you turned her way !! I hope it all sorts itself out…bless you for helping her…you are a lovely person
I think what you did as the most thoughtful & wonderful thing one can do for another human being, But I do agree to a point with your husband, he was worried about your safety, But you still did a wonderful thing for that woman
He was definitely right with his concerns. I understand where your heart was but unfortunately we live in a very evil and unsafe world right now. However, since everything worked out for everyone I think he might be taking it a little too far by not wanting to have anything to do with you. You were just showing sympathy and compassion and that’s a good quality to have.
So. I would have done the same. Call me captain save a ho. Idek. But i have a major “issue” with helping people.
My husband. Would have reacted as yours did. (But he would get over it. Hopefully yours does too). I mean. I see their point also. N I have learned. People will definitely take advantage of “helpers”.
You are probably more empathetic. A lot lack that. It’s a hard balance when your empathy is so strong but the spouses isn’t….
Tell him he was right. Men like that:sob:. N you see it “could” have been bad. (But it wasn’t so technically YOU ARE RIGHT. But sometimes ya gotta think. Is that the hill you wanna die on? ).
Why didn’t she contact her husband’s chain of command???
Combination of right and wrong. The issue is you didn’t talk with him first… You was trying to do the right thing but your husband is right. What if her ex came after or comes after you and your family for helping her? Especially if he’s not there to protect his family
First and foremost he should TRUST your judgement In a case like this if you couldn’t reach him or talk to him! If the scenario was different and you had to make a huge decision concerning something else what would he expect you to do if he can’t be contacted?! I definitely think he is overreacting! Sometimes we have to put ourselves in others shoes . He wouldn’t want you to be homeless at 30wks pregnant
You & her should really reevaluate both of your military men. Hers for kicking her out while she’s pregnant with nowhere to go, & yours for being so harsh. I can totally understand your husband’s caution & fear of strangers in your house. I personally don’t bring strangers into mine. But for him to not want anything to do with you seems like he was looking for an excuse to call it quits anyways. Both men sound controlling , both men sound like red flags. He could’ve been disappointed in you without cutting you off.
If it were the army husband that you brought home then I would understand his frustration but…your intentions are pure and that was sweet of you! It is uncomfortable for him OK…but maybe you can find her another home or shelter and tell her your husband’s family will be moving it or something so she can leave in a nice way.
You did the right thing and Karma will be very kind to you! Yes it could have been risky but what if it were your daughter in need.
I gave a homeless woman a brand new pair of Jordan’s my hubs at the time had just bought me. He flipped out as well. But my heart was satisfied that she didn’t have to wear those awful shoes with holes throughout anymore. ALWAYS be the change you want to see in this World!!
I think right and wrong I wouldn’t of had the heart to ignore her either perhaps maybe I would of offered to take her to her mom
Honestly this sounds like he’s using this incident as an excuse to say/ do things he wanted to. Letting someone stay with you for a few days isn’t awful. Could she have been crazy? Yeah. But so could a friend you’ve known a while. That doesn’t mean you should ignore a person in need if you’re able to help them. He could have calmly talked to you about why he doesn’t like this and y’all could come to an agreement about this happening again in the future but instead he decided to be a d!ck and lash out.
He wants nothing to do with you cause of that? That’s the cowardceay out. You did an amazing thing for a mother and her unborn child. I would have done the same.
This is a tough one. I can definitely see both sides. While I know your heart was in the right place, it’s always dangerous bringing an stranger into your home, especially with children. I think you would have been better off helping her find an alternative option. Just because she’s a woman & pregnant doesn’t mean it couldn’t have turned ugly. However, I think he could have addressed his concerns with you in a more constructive way. Hope you guys can have a good conversation about this and move forward.
Number one: it’s your home as well and you as a mother wouldn’t directly put your children in harms way. It means he doesn’t trust you.
That’s bull crap.
Secondly you had NO way to let him know. Hazards of the career.
Secondly that woman had EVERY right to take that car, clean out the bank and bounce since it’s marital property. Period.
Ya hubby better hope you don’t request counseling through the military because everyone’s dirt will come out including the woman who was pregnant and put out!! The military doesn’t take kindly to that sort of conduct. y’all have more rights JUST through the military than you think.
Ok yes it probably wasn’t the best move, but it’s over and done. You can’t change it! Now. He is probably projecting his own issues onto you. He probably did something he shouldn’t have, but rather than be mad at himself. He is going to blow this out of proportion. He is picking a fight so to speak. Anyway, good luck!
No he sounds controlling & selfish!! You did a good thing it wasn’t like you could talk to him about
No you were not wrong. He is entitled to be a little upset about the situation. But to blow up the way he did? Hell no! He’s lucky to have such a kind, caring and compassionate wife such as yourself! You did a beautiful thing taking that poor woman in. Don’t feel bad about that
I agree with one of the comments above saying it sounds like he was just looking for a way to end your relationship/marriage. A mom ALWAYS puts their kids first so im sure if you thought she was any danger to you or your kids, you would’ve immediately shut down the idea. It was a very SELFLESS thing for you to do. For him to say you never take anyone else into consideration is weird, considering you took this woman and her unborn child into consideration when making this decision …. ?
My S/O would’ve probably said something like “this is why I love you, you help people whenever you can but still keep our family in mind”
Hes being a first class dick. You don’t need his permission to do anything and you can’t get his opinion if you can’t contact him.
It’s super kind of you to have taken her in, it is important though, especially where kids are involved, to take extra precautions. If this happened in the future I would kindly help with resources but not invite them into your home.
Obviously if you only took yourself into consideration you wouldn’t have cared about her…. Sounds like a jerk
The part I can not get through is him not only blowing up at her, BUT him wanting nothing to do with his Wife now.
I wonder, She did not say, just Her or the Children too??
What else is going on? Sounds as through and this is his Excuse not his Real Reason…
I’d have done it too…… but I’d have told her that this decision is temporary until I can speak with my husband… gotta pick the hills you’re willing to die on darlin…. & this is most definitely a worthy one…… explain it to him like this…. Your spirit felt moved to help this woman & you don’t know why, but you expressed the arrangement has a termination date of say 10 days…… that your intention wasn’t to disregard his feelings, but that you thought since you couldn’t get ahold of him, & felt pressed to make a decision, you put a termination date of 10 days on it.
But just so you know…. Vehicles are community property husband can’t do her shit for taking the car. That has to be worked out in divorce court. He cannot have her arrested.
As someone who has decated a good portion of my life to various charities, helping our armed services and veterans (including thier familes when they are deployed), i don’t think you did anything wrong. If your first instinct was to call your husband but that wasn’t an option, you did the right thing. Then as an adult who needed to make an executive decision, you DID. That’s your job as a mother and a wife. If you can’t consult with your husband you HAVE to make a decision. And you helped. End of story.
That being said, if her husband (leagally married) is in the military and he tries to kick her out whike she is pregnant, there are avenues the can thake to get HIM in trouble. They can get in trouble for cheating too if there are reports made. The base will help her. But i still think you did the right thing. This whole “the husband has final say” mentality is so absurd. He wasn’t available. He also clearly has zero compassion for others. And i am shocked at how many other mothers on this post wouldn’t have helped her. Definitely not the type of people i would want around me or giving me advice.
He is projecting and looking for an acceptable reason to start a fight.
His story won’t include her being pregnant and an army wife. He’ll probably tell others that, “she was a homeless person you didn’t know and how dare you subject your kids to that kind of an unsafe situation.”
It sounds like he has something to hide.
Btw, you’re the salt of the earth. Don’t change.
I personally would never bring a stranger into my house. People are crazy. Surely the army has programs to help her. The way he’s treating you is wrong tho
He’s toxic. Time to reconsider your marriage and please for the love of whichever deity you pray to, be safe!
Kick him to the curb, girl! He has no compassion for others… You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life!
a not so similar case happened over a year ago. Found a young man napping in our courtyard. He had a broken bike and a bag of snacks, pop and a can of spaghetti oos (that he couldn’t open) Spoke to him with the intention of asking him to move on, then noticed he had a broken wrist that was all swollen. This 21 y.o. had taken in a homeless man who in turn took over his apartment, kicking him out! He called the police and management BUT because we were in the middle of a pandemic, he’d rented his apartment online, paid his bills online, the management couldn’t confirm that HE was the occupant because they’d never seen his face before The homeless dude had all this guys belongings, including his ID, social, etc! Police couldn’t help him without him proving his identity. I asked him if he wanted something to eat and he hands me his can of spaghetti ooos We had just eaten dinner so I gave him some of what I’d made. We called the police for him to see what they could do. It took 4 hours for the police to arrive but in the meantime, I brought him his dinner. He ate, then asked me if he could take a shower. … This is where I made a similar decision BUT thankfully my family including my husband, was home. I went in, talked to my husband and grown teenaged son. Told them what was happening and asked their permission. My son was all like, “OH HECK NO!” But my husband, looking at my saddened face asks me if I thought I could trust the boy." I simply replied, “Both you and Daniel are here. I know what you’re thinking, I would do this if you both weren’t, but I would like to think in this day & age and being wiser, I might not. Since you ARE here, I think we are all safe. Besides the police are on their way.” They came out to meet him, felt safe. Made him leave his bag outside (just in case) He was wearing shorts and a clingy t-shirt, so if he had a weapon, I’d have noticed. He took a long hot shower. The police show up. SHOCKED that we allowed a stranger inside our home AND allowed him to shower! 5 officers trying to explain to me just how dangerous this was. My husband looks at them and said, “You’re wasting your time. My wife rescues wild animals off the side of the road. One homeless man isn’t going to scare her.” <3 I looked them dead in the eye and said, “When everyone stops helping someone, what has this world come to?”
So much for… for better or worse. No one takes their vows serious anymore.