Yes it’s between the parents to have those talks. Your daughter listened to you and did exactly what she felt was needed. Who knows what kind of mess you caused in the coparenting relationship. You do have the right as the caregiver to have the child not use that language around you/in your home. But you should get punishments okayed by your adult daughter before using them.
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Mind your business. 
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Gotta be honest, I’d be pissed. If something needs to be addressed with/about MY child, I will do it on MY time. This is why kids get kept from grandparents, because they don’t know when to stay in their own lane. Is the F bomb appropriate? No, but it’s sure as hell not a safety issue, so mind your own.
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It’s not your business!!! You are NOT THE CHILDS MOTHER!!! YOU OVER STEPPED! You never message your kids ex! So disrespectful and you have no boundaries. My mother undermined me for 20 years!!! I will never SPEAK TO HER AGAIN! She had to be constantly reminding that he was MY CHILD NOT HERS! I WILL HANDLE IT WITH MY SONS FATHER NOT YOU! Coparenting BETWEEN MOTHER AND FATHER. SO GRANDPARENT SEE YOUR WAY OUT! You chose to quit your job, that is on YOU! You are babysitting while she makes a living to provide for him and her.
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These are the things I see from your question: 1. Whose to say he learned it at his fathers? You didn’t have to add that in at all because it doesn’t matter where he learned it. If your daughter had an issue trust me she would of brought it up. 2. You could of unknowingly cause your ex son in law to fight with your daughter because the child could of very well picked it up from her. Could be why she kept “forgetting” to bring it up to him. 3. Just because you babysit for free does not make you the parent in any way. Your daughter may not care if HER child uses the F-bomb outside of school. If it’s one of your rules at your house then address it there. A simple “that language isn’t allowed here without a time out” is all that is needed. 4. Why are you messaging your ex son in law? What makes you think that’s your place? You spoke with your daughter that’s where your involvement ends. They are not together so you should only be contacting him if you need to do a child exchange or something. Not only did you question your daughter’s parenting but his as well and that is not your place.
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Tell me you’re a toxic ass mom without telling me you’re a toxic ass mom. I’ll let you go first.
Yeah you’re wrong. Stay in your own lane.
I’m gonna be the one to say it…ppl like you are the reason that most parents can not get along. That was none of your business IMO.
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Yes you did over step …you need to just let your daughter know and her being the adult should handle her son and correct him …
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Personal matters with their kid is between them as long as you don’t suspect abuse. If your daughter didn’t think it was a big deal then you should have left it alone. Who says the child isn’t getting it from the daughter? I swear like a sailor, I’m shocked my kid didn’t come out dropping the f bomb 
.
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It is absolutely not your place to do so. That is their child not yours. If you were my mother I would be very upset with you.
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Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! At a certain age, you have earned the freedom to say something, especially when it is to correct a bad behavior. I mean, in a few short years, this dad will be hearing it from the school anyway if this young boy keeps using foul language. This is not something that only needs to be dealt with between the two estranged parents.
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Yes it’s not your place to talk to him.
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A kid got a nasty mouth and y’all over here telling her to mind her business… My daughter was playing with some kids who were cussing… Should I have not told them to stop talking like that or should I have minded my own business? Y’all are the ones that killed the village huh?
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Not your place. Not your child.
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Ughhh… totally not your place. There’s also probably a reason she kept “forgetting” aka it would probably cause a huge argument between her and her ex and she probably didn’t want to deal with that. I’m guessing she didn’t tell you that because you’re pushy and nosey (you literally wrote her ex! 
) and she also doesn’t want to argue with you over it either. Of course everyone close to you agreed, they probably don’t want you getting pushy or nosey or defensive on them either. The side note was unnecessary to your question, it just shows us that you feel entitled to involving yourself because you watch your grandson and you probably throw that in your daughters face anytime she disagrees with you which circles around back to her trying to avoid it all by saying “she forgot”.
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Yes. It was wrong. You weren’t supporting the child. You were creating drama and chaos.
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Yes you are 100% wrong
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Could be worse than an F bomb. Irritating but not much you can do. You don’t have to quit your job to babysit. They can get a babysitter or daycare.
Wow the F word’s just bandied around now and has that many meanings it isn’t just one word, so look for the inflections as to the import.
Not your job.
Not your circus.
Not your monkeys.
You way overstepped.
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Depends…I wouldn’t mind so much. I mean ex needs to know so to each their own
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You are WAY out of line. If I were your daughter you would never see the child again.
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You can’t ever get a kid to stop using it… you can ask… or tell them… my rule when my kids were growing up. Don’t swear in front of me out of respect… I remember being a teen and calming my sister an f…$&; dog… I ain’t never seen my mama move so fast in her life to get but and slap me across the face for saying that word… to this day… and I’m 50… I dont swear in front of her out of respect… and I’m afraid she might smack me again lol… but I have much respect for the way my mama raised me!
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You are creating problems do not meddle speak to your daughter and stay out of their business. If you were my mom you wouldn’t see my son for a long while
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Wait a min, do you want a medal for babysitting your grandchild for free SMFH! These are all signs my mother had, I paid her. Ridiculous! Covert Narcissist she is, have not spoken to her in 2 years neither have MY CHILDREN! They are old enough to decided that!
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I completely disagree with these comments saying she was wrong. Apparently someone needs to look out for the boy, the way he’s raised, and vocabulary he uses.
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Ugh…you sound like a jerk. For calling him and the babysitting comment.
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You need to stay out of it. You told your daughter. If you actually see him you could mention it but otherwise dont contact the ex. Let your grandchild know thats not a good word(s) and arent allowed around you. And for the record you CHOSE to quit your job and babysit. Your daughter and her ex will find out soon enough when school starts and they continue to use such words its harder to stop it. I would also make sure you know its coming from the ex. Grandchild could be getting from other sources, tv, movies, video games, other adults etc. Your intent may have been out of love, but not your place.
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You were not wrong! If your daughter thinks you are quit babysitting and let her put her child in daycare. Sure if he starts spouting words like that she will be notified by daycare and possibly kicked out!
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If your watching there kid and help raising it. Yes it’s your business to me but then I say what I want. I disaplin them potty training them helping them grow.
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You don’t get to tell someone how to parent a child that isn’t yours. Your daughter is pissed because it’s entitled and judgemental. Just because you willingly left work to take care of the child doesn’t mean you get special privileges or have the right to message the dad to complain about language. Who says it isn’t your daughter’s language huh?
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Yea it is not ok to call the ex. Obviously you feel you have more of a say than you do because you babysit for free. Sorry doesn’t work like that
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Glad I grew up in a time when it took a village to raise a child.
Just a little FYI… If y’all ever see MY child being a inappropriate LET HIM KNOW!
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If you’re going to use your parents as free child care you shouldn’t be surprised if they feel like a sense of responsibility in how the child is raised. A daycare wouldn’t hesitate to notify BOTH sets of parents of a behavioral issue… especially if it’s obvious that information isn’t being passed between households. I don’t see why it should be treated any different in this scenario. Would she be mad at a teacher or daycare worker for informing the dad about the child’s swearing issue? I imagine not. Some of y’all are acting sooooo entitled by these comments. It is not this woman’s obligation to be free child care for her daughter— she is doing so out of love and kindness and should still be treated with respect.
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You were wrong.
First, not your kid. Might be your grandchild, but he’s not your child. Decisions and discipline belong to the parents.
Second, of course your husband and your friends are going to agree with you.
Third, he is a toddler. He’s repeating words that he hears. Has zero idea that it’s a bad word or what it means.
I’m not sure what you quitting your job to watch him has to do with your right to step in, over his mother. I’m sure she appreciates you watching him, but that doesn’t give you any kind of rights or say over him. If I were your daughter, I would be pissed at you as well.
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If she forgot I’m assuming it’s because she didnt really see it as a big deal …my daughter is extremely smart for her tiny age(4) she doesn’t always do it but she drops the f bomb in conversation with me …she knows it’s an adult word and it’s a us word (meaning she can only say it to me )
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Oooo, sorry but you overstepped a bit. I understand the sentiment since you help care for the kid as well and he is using foul language that’s not appropriate.
Since you are a grandmother AND his sitter you should have sat with your daughter and said you would support her if she needed someone there when she brought up the issue. For all you know he hears that word all over but it’s more prominent after he visits his dad. It’s the kid’s mother who is responsible for his language and behavior. It’s NOT your place to correct and intervene. If it’s an issue you could have told your daughter that until she speaks with his father and they BOTH come to a joint solution, you won’t watch him, as it’s problematic going to the park or shopping. It won’t be seen as appropriate if he ever goes to preschool or prekindergarten.
And a side note: it was YOUR choice to quit a job to watch the kid. There are programs out there to help single mothers with day care costs. It’s her kid, her responsibility. I NEVER allowed my mother to keep my kids, even for a fun overnight visit, without buying everyone dinner or offering to leave pizza money… my mom wouldn’t take cash BUT I’d MAKE her have dinner on me, the kids got pizza and fun time with grandma. Making her not financially responsible might not be showing her what the real world is like, she should appreciate your gesture for child care and try to nip his bad words collectively with all who care for him.
But I don’t see why you quit a job to watch him but two others are also watching him 
why does someone need three people to watch their kid a week?
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Ok, gma. Stay in your lane. Kids will be kids and say all kinds of stuff they don’t mean and pick up randomly whether it be from Mommy Daddy or CoCoMelon. As long as everyone corrects the behavior this should be a non issue.
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Are you saying since you babysit for free that your entitled to over step your boundaries ?
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You didn’t do anything wrong!!
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Yes110% in the wrong.
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Yes, not your place. How annoying. Were you this meddlesome while they were together? I bet it contributed to them splitting.
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You overstepped. I’d be pissed too.
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No if you care about your grandson no. Someone needs to say something unless they don’t care if he talks that way. I would say something if my grandchild. My son had a babysitter who’s son used bad language and I found a new one.
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Not your place. You are not the parent.
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It’s really not your place, the mother will discuss it with the father if they see an issue with it. Also, do not do something for “free” if you plan to hold it over someone’s head. I have daughters and one day, if I’m blessed with grandchildren, I would be happy to babysit. Correct the child while at your home, but you really have ZERO say in what language his father uses in his home, neither does your daughter in reality. You could have caused a spool of issues for your daughter and things she now has to deal with.
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That was mom’s place not yours. You don’t have to coparent with him, she does.
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As he is your Grandson you have the right to express your feelings and instill a proper way of raising this Grandson. Your daughter was incorrect in not siding with you on this matter…It’s not “CUTE” to hear a toddler say the F-Bomb and a parent should be responsible in not saying that kind of language in front a child…
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You were wrong. It’s for mom and dad to decide how he is raised. If mom has an issue with swear words he learned at dad’s, that is her responsibility to address it with him. You quiting your job to babysit for free, does not entitle you to tell either parent how to raise their child.
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The only problem I see here is you already brought it up to one parent. Now it’s between them to figure out. Just because you don’t like what your daughter is or isn’t doing doesn’t mean you get to go to the next parent to get the action/reaction you want.
You wouldn’t want your grandson asking mom and when she says no asking dad hoping he says yes would you
Sorry, but you are DEFINITELY overstepping your boundaries. You think you’re justified because you are;
A. The Grandmother
B. Babysitting the child
But neither of these entitles you to parental responsibility or the right to go over your daughters head and take matters into your own hands. How would you feel if your mother had gone above your head about your children? How do you think your daughter will feel knowing what you’ve done? You’re essentially going behind her back because you think that she isn’t a good enough parent, whether or not you feel you’re doing the right thing is null and void. That child is NOT yours, no matter how often you care for them will that change. That right is solely with your daughter and the father unless, they are deemed unfit for the roll. Therefore, whether you like it or not you cannot dictate how the child is brought up.
I agree that the child shouldn’t be swearing, but this is just a matter of your own opinion All you can really do is positively reinforce that swearing is wrong and teach the lil’ one the right way to go about it when people swear.
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my grandson said the f bomb while staying at my house and he learned not to say it again. needless to say he is a total gentleman around me and knows grandma means buisness. if he wants to do that at his house thats his buisness but not here
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You need to stay out of their parenting. It sucks but we cannot control what is allowed in the other parents home. All we can do is correct the actions in our own home. but you reaching out to the other parent is crossing the line.
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Tell your daughter you won’t be watching her children if they are going to be bringing and using curse words when they come around after being around their father.
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I know you told mom to do it, but that was still her place and not yours. THEN AGAIN. She needs to follow through with telling him and she didn’t. Being a kid he shouldn’t be using the F bomb. I still feel that you should have warned her that you were going to do it rather than just doing it. Doing it for her, to her a boundary was crossed. I feel for you and the other that watch the child though. Mom and Dad need to step up more, especially since you quit your job to babysit for free…
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so you probably should’ve just spoken to your daughter about it and asked her if she would mention to her sons dad
Well I feel if you are making changes in your life I.e babysitting around your family and friends coming to your home because you told your daughter you will not have this language in your home from a toddler or her for that matter, not taken care of than either stop babysitting or yes tell dad.
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You can’t change other household language. All you can do it teach your grandchild what’s appropriate words.
But I think you should be able to talk to the dad, he is part of the family dynamic:0)
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Wrong on all counts.
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You can teach your grandson not to use those words and he can tell his father that he does not approve! If your ex son in law can’t stop using that language in front of his child he is certainly not going to respect anything you have to say, but he might respect his own son!
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Yes. He’s not your son. Even if the mother is avoiding the confrontation it wasn’t yours to create. Express your feelings to your daughter. That is your place. If you lose her respect out will only strain your relationship with your daughter.
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Your house, your rules and I would let both parents know that. What that child does at his parents house is up to the parents to take care of. But in your house you are allowed to have your rules! And this can apply even if you’re babysitting in their homes… When that child is around you they don’t use bad language.
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Yes you were wrong stay in your place
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You most definitely overstepped. If I were in your ex SIL shoes, I’d have had fun with you and given you a run for your money. Don’t worry about raising other people’s kids. And as far as throwing in that you quit your job to babysit, that doesn’t give you auxillary parental rights. Stay in YOUR Lane. 
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Yes, you were wrong. While I’m sure she appreciates all you’ve done, that doesn’t entitle you to undermine her or go behind her back. You’re not the parent. Period. Having good intentions does not make it ok to cross healthy boundaries. At most you should expect they teach your grandchild to respect the rules in your home (bad words for example), however that conversation should have stayed between you and your daughter. It’s her job to communicate with her co-parent, not yours. You’re also kind of assuming it’s all dad’s influence & more than likely caused a problem between the two of them which ultimately affects … the child.
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Absolutely wrong. Stay in your lane.
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Don’t know how old the parents are, but young (under 25) seem to think that young children talking and acting like little adults is cool. So fist bumps instead of shaking hands or high fives, saying wut up homies or bitches if cute and teaching basic manners has gone out the window. In talking to my daughter she isn’t a parent, but she says that I should be more open, oh and women wearing vagina hats, and songs like W.A.P to me is degrading to women, but she says it’s women taking power back over that word. And while I definitely agree with you on a child not speaking that way PERIOD, you probably shouldn’t have called the Ex only because he is an ex. But if you have a good relationship woth him, then it’s ok. I have had that very same talk with members of my family.
Your daughter may not be bringing it up bc she’s fighting other battles with her ex and it’s just not the time to throw more fuel on the fire. It’s great you’re babysitting, but unless she asks you to step in and address this, you shouldn’t be getting involved.
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I would have done the same thing if i were you and my daughter so called kept forgetting
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Our grand babies are our lane
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I see no issue letting him know…i mean, I’d do the same if I needed to. My twins live with their dad & said shit while they were here. I let their dad know. I didn’t bitch or anything, i was just letting him him know.
Not your business! Yes, you were wrong!
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Yes, as a concerned grand parent you were absolutely correct to have a conservation with your daughter ex concerning, not just graphic language either,but any other habits he may have. Do what grandmothers do, take care of their grandbabies with lots of love. And it maybe a good idea to have a conservation with your daughter, she sounds too young to be “FORGETTING”.
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Stay in your Lane.I’d be beyond mad if this was me.This is your grand baby.Not your child.Maybe mom had other important things to take care of.You could teach him not to use the f word.
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Just tell the kid that kind of language is NOT allowed. Other than that, stay out of their family affairs.
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You do realize there is every possibility your daughter or another adult in your grandson’s life used it, right? That might explain why she kept forgetting to tell her ex.
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I’m sorry but why doesn’t the father have the right to know when his child misbehaves?
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Really the F Bomb imagine that! Omg really ya your’e way out of line! The kid knows right from wrong stop lol you don’t think he hears it at school or elsewhere? Is he a good dad or bad he swears? & you quit your job to babysit free 
This was not your place.
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Maybe your daughter did speak to him and he gave her the f bomb back. So it’s probably easier for her to take the blame and say she forgot rather than go into details with you.
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Those that say she needs to stay out of it have never raised a grandchild. It’s not easy to turn off the parenting switch especially when you as a grandparent made the sacrifice to leave your job to BE the parent. While it IS the parents decision I have to say this. Grandparents have the right to correct that mess. They are RAISING the grandchild. Mom needs to think about this and what her next steps are because this child needs consistency something mom and dad can NOT provide without the help of grandma. She or he can always pay childcare fees… just saying.
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No. Not your child, Not your business. Also it’s really not the end of the world if he uses a word. Words are just words unless you give them power.
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You absolutely were wrong. You are not his mother.
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The more anyone “reacts” to his F bombs, the more he will want to do it, whether its laughing, a smile, dramatic change of pose or admonishment. He’s already learnt the word, he cannot unlearn it. Just hug him more when he does the right thing, the loving, the generous etc reinforce ONLY those positive behaviour. Your daughter probably already knows her ex swears a lot or uses that particular word a lot.
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Everyone saying not your business is so weird to me
I don’t get that. Your a very involved grandmother it’s definitely your business. But not really up to you to bring it to the dad. I mean maybe your daughter is having other issues with her ex and this isn’t top priority or just adding fuel to the fire between them. Sure bring it to your daughter all you like but ket her take it from there… also Just because you think he’s learning it from his dad’s house doesn’t make it true. Kids pick stuff everywhere. I wouldn’t be happy if someone accused me of teaching my child the F word at that young age either.
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Would you mind your ex mother in law telling you how to parent your child?
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Most definitely is not your place. Stay in your own lane and let her parent with the dad.
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I hope that you don’t often throw in their faces your decision to quit your job to babysit for free like it justifies you interfering in their parenting of their kids… That is your choice, you sound OTT.
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Wow, I appreciate all of the posts but some are downright violent!! One person even threatened fists. Will be the last time I ever ask for an opinion on this group. I did this on a spur of the moment (after talking to my daughter). Then I realized I was wrong. There are many other factors too numerous to name here. We all love this little man and our goal is to make him happy and keep him healthy.
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This is a hard situation and I understand where you are coming from because I too have adult children. As a mom we want to protect them and continue to help them fight your battles. But we can’t do that after a certain age because they are adults and have to handle things on their own unless they ask for help. Your daughter did not ask for your help. Hence her anger and silence for a week. You may need to learn this lesson now because in the future that silence could be longer and cost you a relationship with your grandchild. This is her and her ex-husband’s child to raise, not yours. Grandparents are very important but you still need to respect your daughter’s boundaries unless it endangers your grandchild’s physical, sexual, and/or mental health.
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Just tell him it’s an adult word and he shouldn’t be using it
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I would’ve been mad too but my reasoning is it may have cause a huge argument etc between them which isn’t good. I mean at least the dads is involved. A lot of Dads aren’t and fights like this may have been could make a Dad step back all together. Just my opinion though
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Well, I’m not gonna be popular. But I am a Mimi. And I do babysit my grandchild. If momma didn’t address the issue, I certainly would have.
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I understand being concerned. But using the F bomb is not life or death and if your daughter is not concerned then that’s that. If you are worried about him being abused a wellness check needs to happen
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Haha yea you were wrong, not your place and it’s an adult word. Chill out. Toddlers hear words every minute of the day and they choose to use them whenever they see fit. You don’t even know that the kid learned the word there, also can’t control what comes out of someone else’s mouth especially a child.
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You did the right thing!
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Welcome to Grandma World.I have had the same problem,I hate the gutter talk and affended by such speech. Ignore the daughter, she doesn’t care or he jumped her case on it and that’s her problem. I work with the kids and they do not use bad language at my house and I insist on good manners.Ipray they will remember correct actions and speech
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I don’t know that I would have contacted the ex. I would tell the grandson that’s a grown-up word and he shouldn’t say it. It doesn’t sound good coming from an adult, and it sounds worse coming from a kid. I would tell your daughter that you made a mistake in contacting him and you won’t do it again. You’ll talk to her. Maybe that will smooth things over. It may not be the way you’d like to handle it, but it’s the only way you can handle it and stay in your daughter’s good graces.
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Tell him it’s a bad word and only adults can use it. If he does it again, discipline him.
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In her eyes you did, in other’s eyes you didn’t. You didn’t ask her if you could resolve the situation so yes you was in the wrong and I understand why she isn’t speaking to you…I would do the same… now you as a grandma needs to learn to back off of a situation where you wasn’t asked to do anything. Gosh my mom wouldn’t do that before asking me if she could help in anyway.
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