Was my husband in the wrong for dating me so young?

Wrong on every level. I thought I was in love with a 26 year old when I was 15…he wanted to keep quiet and now I know why 🥲. If my daughter or son gets involved with someone more than 5 years difference and they are underage I will press charges and ruin someone’s life.

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That’s completely wrong of him. I am so sorry

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Yikes… bet your parents hate him

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Wow you dated a pedo

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You were 16 and he was 31. I know the age of consent is 16 in some states and may be in yours but that’s creepy. No adult man should be looking at a child (anyone under 18 is a child) like that no matter if they’re legally able to consent.

Plus you’re learning he’s a gaslighter. He’s definitely a pedo :woman_shrugging:t2: I said what I said.

If any of my daughters were being pursued by a 31 year old at 16, you better believe someone is getting their ass beat and it won’t be my child.

Caaaannnn you say nonce…

Why is it bothering you now?

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Why did you date someone so much older? he’s a pedo. I’m not even 30 An would never look at a 16 year old like that that’s gross.

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IMHO yes a 31 yr old dating a 16yr old is wrong. What does a grown man have in common with a child still in school??? :face_vomiting:

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I’ve rewrote this comment 3 times trying to not come off as harsh but I can’t. 16 is wayyyy to young to be with a 31 year old. Regardless of whether or not you were “mature enough” that’s 100% grooming and you saying he gaslights you. He wanted someone he could manipulate and a young person is the perfect target for people like that. It’s bothering you because you’re realizing wtf is really up. Not to mention guys like that go for younger girls because females their age won’t put up with their shi and see right through the bs.

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The question you really need to be asking here is, “would I feel comfortable allowing my 16yr old daughter have a relationship with a 31 yr old MAN” the answer should be quite simple and it’s the same answer to your original question. Not trying to be rude or shame, but its it’s clearly been bugging you for a reason love, and that’s because you know deep down it was wrong.

Oh god. I’m sorry you married your pedophile and rapist :pleading_face::grimacing::flushed:

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Hun I’m sorry but that is fucked up and not ok he’s a predator and should be behind bars

That age difference matters when you are a teen, older not so much. My grandfather was 13 years older than my grandmother but she was late 20s when she met him. My cousin married a guy 13 years older than her too but again she was in her late 20s

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My husband was 48 when I met him and I was 34, 14 years younger. We got engaged after 5 weeks and married just over a year later. We have been together 24 years and on 1st December married 23 years. Him being older works as I am more impulsive and he is my steadying influence. He brings experience and wisdom and I keep him young at heart. It works well for us as we complement each other and take the piss out of each other especially with him being a brummie. Having been married before to a man my own age who was immature and selfish I would choose an older man every time. He still has the old values like opening doors for me and treats me like a lady. He is 71 and retired and I am 57 and working still but he is a househusband which is a bonus as he cooks, cleans, gardens, irons etc and supports me as the breadwinner. If you truly love your husband age is just a number. Remember why you fell in love with him and look at his good points and not shortcomings. I have, thanks to my hubby a wide interest in films and music as we listen to music and watch fins from his era and mine. It’s all about give and take and caring and sharing. Good luck x

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Beyond too young!!! And shame on him for dating someone your age!

I had just turned 17 and my now husband was 24 when we met and we’ve been together for 7 years now
Personally I think it worked out for me but I don’t think I would ever let a 24 year old date my daughter when she’s 17

That wasn’t dating that was grooming.

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Well it’s not ok. We know enough nowadays that we have concerns for anyone who isn’t able to have relationships with other consenting adults . I don’t know your story but typically the guy who goes after much younger partners want to control them and want submissiveness because they don’t have life experience and don’t have any experience to compare it to so they can lie and manipulate them into thinking their awful behavior is love. I I guess you need to decide what you want to do and go from there. It’s not a fair relationship and you were taken advantage of- no matter what the age of consent is( that’s usually what they argue)

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It took you 11 years to notice the age difference?

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You’re growing, love. Would you, a 27 year old, date a 16 year old? The answer is probably no.

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Ummm… There’s men/women that tried that age gap with that age, that are in PRISON…

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Wrong on many levels.That is a huge age gap between a minor and an adult.Now if you were an adult when y’all started dating that would be different.I can’t imagine dating a grown ass man at that age!Pedo!

It makes sense that as you get closer to the age he was, you see how wrong the situation was. Most 16 year olds would have seen that in a fairy tale way. Don’t be afraid to grow on your own. Trust your own intuition and you can find your way. :heartpulse:

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Yes. And it does make sense that he is a gas lighter. A lot of people who are choose to date barely adults or teens because they are too young to catch on that there are toxic behaviors.

I’m 29, I could not in a million years imagine dating a 16 year old

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That’s absolutely DISCUSTING, WHERE WERE YOU PARENTS? Had you been My daughter, That sick SOB would have been given a new hole to breathe out of

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Yah if you were my child you wouldnt have been with him. He sounds like her wanted you because you were a child. So he is a pedophile

If I were your mother you’d find out how wrong he was. And so would he, from behind bars. End of story. Now, if you were 17 and he was 20, I’d feel a bit different

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Gross :nauseated_face: sorry but just no

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That is foul. What does a grown man have in common with a child? Also,finding a child attractive and having sexual relations with said child… yowza

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It’s all well and good saying he’s a predator/pedo whatever but we don’t know the ins and outs… my mum was 16 when she fell pregnant with me my dad was 30+ although it’s not ideal and they didn’t end up together for long after me but my mum will sit there and defended it too the death because she had hers eyes wide open when she walked into that relationship. Times where different back then it wasn’t seen as such a bad thing in fact it was more common too have a bigger age gap. I’m not saying this is the case but I think people should think twice before throwing the word pedo and predator around

Theres no way i can imagine a 31 year old dating a 16 year old as okay.

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Yes he was! There is a 17yr difference between me and my husband but it took me ages to convince him to date me even though I was 21 he wasn’t too eager to get to know me. But once he did he stuck. Lol. Now we’ve been together over a decade. As opposed to when I was 16 dating someone 32, he “didn’t care about the age difference because I was soooo mature.” Gross I wish someone would have shown me how sick that was. I still feel disgusted thinking about that.

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That’s disgusting. Your husband was a predator to you, so I’m positive he will be a predator to someone else. He’s a pedophile. But I’m confused on why it’s all of a sudden bothering you :thinking:.

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Takes two to tango girl :pray:

Yes that’s creepy as hell

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Predatory behavior. Same situation with an ex. The older I got the wiser and the more my eyes opened to what really happens. Unacceptable.

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I was 20 when I met my husband & he’s 11 years older than me. We have been together almost 19 years, married for 16 years, & have 4 children together. In my opinion age is just a number, but he truly should have waited until you were of age before he got with you. It’s definitely a hard pill to swallow when you grow up & come to realize that something that happened in your past was wrong on so many levels. Sometimes it can give you the wrong ideas & thoughts in your head. I don’t know who you are, but if you personally need to talk to someone you are more than welcome to message me if you need to talk.

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He groomed you, of course you’re feeling a certain kind of way. Hugs. :black_heart:

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What would a 31 year old want with a 16 year old?

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A 16 year old… is so easy to control and manipulate. He chose you because he knew he could train and mold you into what he wanted. You were being groomed, hon. No woman his age would tolerate his bullshit because they could all see through it… but a young, impressionable child? Yeah, he was using you from the beginning… your innocence was just too damn irresistible.

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I was 16 my husband was 24.wasn,t a bed of roses.lived with him 32 years.haven,t married again.i want either.

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I’m sorry but I would kill a 30+ year old if they went near my 16 year old daughter. 18 is the highest I would want her to date at 16 anything older just becomes perverted.

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WTF!!!
I would have turned his ass in, so wrong.

It was definitely wrong. He was a whole grown ass man. He didn’t have any business with a 16 year old.

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Sooo many questions.
1.where tf are your parents
2. What would a 31 yr old man have in common with a 16 yr old child?
3. In what year were you 16?

In my opinion he manipulated a child into a relationship regardless of whether you “thought” you were mature enough or not. He robbed you of a childhood bc NO CHILD should be even entertaining the thought of marriage at 16 PERIODT‼️

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Depends how he treated you I guess…. But yeah that’s young as fuck

That’s gross, your parents were okay with that? My dad would have lost his mind.

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Sorry you fell for your creep ma

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Your feeling a wY now because your an adult and you know it’s not right. Big ugly pill to swallow but you know. Especially if your a mom.

Hell no that’s not cool at all . Is this a real question :interrobang:

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People saying “age is just a number” let it happen to your child I bet you wouldn’t be saying that anymore ! I would never let a grown ass man that old be near my daughter !!!

I think you answered your own question

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He needs his shit pushed in, frfr

You were VERY clearly groomed. He’s absolutely disgusting. My heart breaks for you!

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There’s a 13 year difference between me and my husband but at least I was old enough to drink when we started dating. I can’t imagine any parent being ok with their 16 year old daughter dating a 31 year old MAN. Yes age is just a number but I think you should reach a certain age before that saying is ok.

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That’s wrong. It’s a crime.

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What u mean its been bothering you.? You mean your young & hes now too old & you think grass is greener?

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I got with my bf when he was 46 and I was 19 and I’m 21 now. 16 is a bit much I can’t say much bc of the age gap between me and my bf. If it is bothering you so much leave. Do what’s best for you .

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My husband is 14 years older than me. I was 18 when we met. If I was anything shy of 18, there wasn’t a chance in hell. Same goes for my kids.

If you reflect on the initial relationship, do you see any patterns of grooming? Was he interested in your sexual behaviors early on? Did he interact with you as a superior? Did he manipulate people or information to hide any of his behaviors? Do you feel you ever had a choice in the relationship to walk away? What was the emotional maturity of him and his friends? Did they have any concerns about the age difference?

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My parents were uneasy when I was 14 dating a 16 year old. :flushed:

Nope. That’s grooming and I’m sorry it happened to you but that’s not alright.

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Ok…
Better questions to ask…

Do you love him?
Does he love you?
Does he treat you with respect?
Does he take care of you?
Are you both happy in your relationship?
Do you see a future with him?

In my opinion… I also had an older boyfriend back then… I was 17… he was turning 28…it’s is what it is… we eventually broke up due to issues…but when I was happy I was happy…

I think the questions above should answer what you may need… age is just a number especially because now your older.

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If you are looking for a reason to leave him. Than do so. But don’t use something from 11 years ago even if it is creepy

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Oh honey… you were groomed. That was very predatory of him. You’re going through what is called “coming out of the fog”. Please know non of it is your fault no matter what your brain tries to tell you. He was an adult, and you were a child. He knew better. Your husband is a pedophile. :sob:

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Yeah he groomed you. It would be different if you were already an adult though. Run

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Yes. 10000%yesX10000000.

That’s a pedophile. That isnt an age gap, that’s an adulty-adult targeting a young child.

I wouldn’t want to be around someone like that ever ever again. If you weren’t with this man now, you would absolutely find it repulsive but your relationship blinds you. I wouldn’t (knowingly) even let someone like that sit next to me much less be in my home.

Imagine dating a sophomore in high school right now. You okay with that? No? That’s not even close to the same age gap as your husband and you have.

It’s just so so gross and I’m sorry that you were groomed in such a way that you only now see how messed up it is.

Source: dated a 36 yo at 15. I would do everything in my power to put that man under the jail now as an adult. And yes, he will continue to prey on children after you, because that’s what he is. A predator.

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Thats not dating thats. Wrong

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It was inappropriate. You were a minor.

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When and if you ever have a 16 year old daughter/granddaughter, you will have your answer!

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It was against the law back then and now but you’re married now and if your relationship is good then why break it off?
Yes it was pedo status but your 27 now. It’s bothering you now Becuz after age 25 the human brain is fully developed and can fully comprehend and articulate also make sound decisions.
It was probably out of your parents hands to stop you and you did what you wanted and ran away with him as a teen. Now that you may have children you can see how wrong that would be. He’s getting older and you can see the age difference. If it’s abusive then leave him.

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First of all he is a pedophile

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So let me ask you something. If you had a 16 year old daughter and she started seeing a 31 year old man, what would you do?
Because as a mother of an almost 3 year old girl, & a proud gun owner, I’d be conflicted not to use it on that Pedophile.

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It’s gross and he’s a predator.

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You already know the answer hun

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Better question :raising_hand_woman: Why didn’t your parents press charges? You were a minor at that time. Your parents didn’t do there job . How the hell does a 16 yr old meet a 31 year old to have a relationship with. I new where my kids were at all times . I still do they are 50 44 And 39. Called a tracker on all of our phones :iphone:

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This is pedophilia. A normal functioning adult would never look at a child romantically. If you have children with him, I’d keep eyes on them at all times.

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Go with your GUT FEELING❣️ ITS THE RIGHT ONE. BEST WISHES

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I often think this. I was 16 he was about to turn 25.
If it was my daughter I wouldn’t be happy

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Oh lord. If anybody sits here and says age is nothing but a number on this situation , you’re just as bad . He knew what he was doing was disgusting. He’s a pedophile!!

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That was not “dating” that was grooming. You’re married to a pedophile

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Sounds like he groomed you so that he could more easily control you. There’s a reason women his age didn’t want him.
I hope you are safe, and can leave safely

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When u were 16, u probably thought u were an adult and knew what was best. But now as an ACTUAL adult, I bet u know the answer.

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He picked u when u were young and molded you into something he wanted

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Wow….I’m so sorry this happened to you…… you wrote this because now, as an adult, you realize how wrong what he did to you is…… there’s a reason why this is wrong. @ 16 you didn’t know any better. But he did……

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Janet Jones. Made me think of Noni ha. They would think thats pedophilia too. Get over it people

Your husband was fucking disgusting. So yes. He was wrong. Hope you don’t have kids with them, or he’ll just specialize your teenage daughter or her friends.

I was 16 and husband was 19 we got a lot of shit for our age gap but we talked to both sides parents. I couldn’t imagine 11 years age gap. That young.

Being 16 you would know that a 31 year old is very old for you. Don’t know why it even happened to began with. If I was 16 I would never date a 31 year old. To me it’s common sense.
This was a problem from the beginning. It’s gross in my opinion and it should have been stopped.

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I would beating a 31 year mans ass for showing up on my door step to take my 16 year old daughter out. Hell no just wrong. You were still a child he was a grown ass man. He knew better.

Maybe there was no parents may you find peace

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That’s called grooming

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Thats some pedo stuff right there.

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Hell No. Too young! He was definitely wrong! Where were your parents? So wrong of him!

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You need to leave and seek counseling. Too late to charge him for being a cho-mo because you’re of age now but goodness sweetie your parents should be ashamed for letting you down.

We met at 24 & 49 & now 59 & 34 & it sucks :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: the age gap is catching up

Yes it was wrong and he groomed you.

It was wrong when our grandparents did it too.

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That’s disgusting, he’s a pedo ! I don’t understand your whole story but you were groomed by a old creep!

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At 16, you made a conscious decision to MARRY him and stick with him for all these years?
Can’t put the blame all on him…

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