Do you guys find it rude that a lady assumed my nephew was Autistic from him flapping his hands, which I know is a sign sort of but he is still young barely 1y. Old . And babies/toddlers do that. My son does it too or do you think she was just trying to be sincere and see if he really was or not ? Just wondering how you mom’s would feel I’m just a bit confused on how to react with that same with my sister.
Neurotypical kids hand flap at certain ages too
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I think all kids flap at some point. My oldest son has autism and my youngest son doesn’t but he flaps from watching his brother.
Yes, she was rude. Babies do that.
Maybe she wasn’t trying to be rude. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t. Strangers need to be mind their own business.
If she thought it enough to say it, id take it seriously. Some people take it as rude however I was told so many times nobody else saw it with my son so I would of been happy to have someone have thought it too.
Maybe worth speaking to the health visitor xx
I’d ask yourself why you think it’s rude… To me it implies autism is shameful
Other people’s opinions are theirs, nothing to concern yourself with. No need to absorb or give your amazing energy to.
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It’s all about context. How was it presented?
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Not unless you think autism is a negative. It’s just a different type of person and not a bad thing. Ppl should never assume anything about ppl but I don’t think it was rude.
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I think because there is so much awareness now and lots of parents are made aware of the signs it’s easy to assume isn’t it. Just as we would if a toddler was kicking off crying and screaming up the school - naturally I assume tired baby 
but realistically there’s plenty of reasons why a child would be having a tantrum. I think it depends on how the statement was said to you xx
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You cannot tell, just from that. Odd that she felt she had a right to even comment on it. NT kids flap and stim too. It definitely doesn’t always point to autism. Just like all autistics do not flap.
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Honestly i would tell her that while u appreciate her advice to mind her own business
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Unless she said it in a rude manner then no, not rude. Intent is huge, and from what you’re saying, she didn’t intend to be rude.
I would never ask a parent. In my opinion its non of my business
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I met a woman years ago we dated. I then met her kids. It was obvious to me that her 15 year old son was definitely on the spectrum. To me it seemed autistic/ asbergers. Tho she was in Complete Denial. As when We had him tested independently it proved to be true so maybe go with the assumption that she was concerned.
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Maybe it truly was out of concern.
I know many parents who have struggled years to get an actual diagnosis, maybe she was just trying to be helpful of this is something to keep an eye on.
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Look before I had my son tested i had people ask me the same thing because he did flap still dose at 4yrs old.
I simply told them we are taking steps too figure out why. But whatever it may be his Dr’s n I got this! ( upbeat voice throws them off)
Best manner in my opinion as I don’t ask others because I see how upset it makes my mom & son when we are asked. Don’t let ot bother you hun!
I think I would have to hear the tone and her wording, to give an honest opinion. She could have a young family member who’s been diagnosed and just trying to connect to the world. She could be a judgemental witch.
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As a society I feel as though we are put between a rock and a hard place with all the “dos and donts” you’ll get opposite answers almost every time depending on who you ask.
As people reading this, we don’t have a ton of context so it’s really hard to say whether she was being rude or not.
But generally speaking I’m going to go with unless she said something derogatory about kids with special needs that NO she was not being rude.
Very rude. I’d bid her good day and walk away if it were me. Some people really do not know how to mind their own business.
Could be sensory processing. My son has rocked since he could sit up. We went through the entire process for autism diagnosis but turns out he has a sensory processing disorder.
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It’s rude to assume. If she were to ask questions, maybe not so much. I have a son with intellectual disability and I appreciate when strangers ask questions. It gives me the opportunity to educate and to help make the world a nicer place for children with disabilities.
My cousins used to flap their arms when they bounced up and down as infants when they danced. No autism.
My brother in law told us our youngest could have adhd based on her behavior since she was 1 yr old and we ignored him. She was diagnosed last year and is now 9 yrs old. Sometimes other people see what we don’t see and most parents think because someone says something of the nature it’s something wrong with the kid . Parents need to take a better approach and realize while their kid may be different nothing is wrong. I have learned to listen with an open mind and it has really helped
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I don’t think it was rude
I think it’s only rude if you have a negative connotation associated with autism. My son has autism and I often find myself noticing stuff like that regarding other people’s kids. Doesn’t necessarily mean its “not normal” it just means I saw and, as it turned out, ended up being one of the things that lead my son to his own diagnosis. I personally don’t say anything when I see signs(major introvert vibes over here) but obviously this lady is different. Maybe she was just hoping it was someone to relate to on the chance that she has an autistic child herself 
Who even asks that question or brings it up in the first place? Yes that lady was absolutely rude.
I dont think thats even an appropriate assumption to make!
Regardless if your nephew is or isn’t on the spectrum, I don’t feel a stranger should be asking that. That alone, to me, is disrespectful.
Thats just my thoughts tho.
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I hand flapped (my two brothers as well) and all 3 of my kids did as well . I think it depends on how she said it on if she was being rude.
But honestly I wouldn’t personally worry. There is a reason why doctors don’t diagnose some things until they are at a certain age
It was rude of her to assume and especially to voice it out loud. Kids do weird at all ages and to assume based off of one encounter is very foolish.
As a special needs parents sometimes we see things that most people wouldn’t otherwise notice I personally would never mention it to a stranger even when deep down I know … it definitely depends on the context of the conversation
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Apparently she has no manners. You don’t EVER pry like that. Why does she care?
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None of her business should keep her thoughts to herself
It also means all done in sign language. Just saying
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Why would it be rude? Being autistic isn’t an insult. I see a lot of people out there that I think are autistic, personally I’m not going to be like “hey I think your child has this diagnosis” but sometimes strangers see what we can’t see. My son was 12 months old when he started showing signs on autism that someone else pointed out to me, diagnosed at 23 months old. 
Assuming is always rude. Idc if someone has good intentions, you don’t assume, you ask and even then, it’s none of her business
Flapping can be a sign OR he could just like being silly and flapping around.
Even IF he did it’s inappropriate for a stranger to ask. It’s None of their business and they shouldn’t be making assumptions about children that do not belong to them. Even if they meant well it was rude.
Was this a stranger? It’s the audacity for me 
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I don’t believe any strangers should make any judgments based off a one time encounter. I had a store clerk give me her life story on her son “being on the spectrum too” bc my son couldn’t decide between a dozen different toys! My son is only 4 and was having to make a decision himself bc he wasn’t allowed to have all the toys… that didn’t mean he’s on the spectrum - it just meant he was trying to make the right decision. My son has never once been suggested to get tested by a pediatrician or a teacher.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. She was probably be trying to be inclusive. Unless she could see other early signs.
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It’s not like she said he was ugly, so idk about rude pee we, but she could have minded her business or just asked. Like an above commenter said, it depends on the tone and exact wording to determine if it was rude.
Sounds like she meant to be helpful but he’s too young to make this statement based on this symptom alone
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As a former teacher of special needs students I do pick up on things other ppl may not, but I would NOT approach a stranger and say anything. On the flip side, I have had ppl ask my opinion- and have answered honestly and always follow with “I’m not a medical expert”. So unless you asked her opinion yes it was disrespectful!
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Believe it or not some other care for the kiddos too 
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You’re acting like Autistic is a negative word.
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As a mom who is literally taking their 4yr old for testing Wednesday, I WISH someone else (besides my husband) had said something (not strangers, obviously) but people close to me.
No one else mentioned anything , so I felt like it was ONLY one seeing it, my husband agreed but he basically agrees with everything.
Once I started saying what all I was noticing, my friend was like “Yeah, I have thought that for a while” but she didn’t want to “offend me” and honestly didn’t know how I’d react. Which is valid because some people lash out and are crazy offended for no reason.
My pediatrician even seemed scared to even SUGGEST it to me and looked relieved when I said “no, I’m on the same page as you.” Because I’m sure he’s had parents freak out on him. Like being autistic is the worst thing in the world. Please. It isn’t an insult.
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My son has autism. I would never verbalize that someone’s child had autism. Although after 23 years I can usually spot it from a mile away. Its just ignorant.
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Assumptions are always rude imo. That said, there’s nothing wrong with being autistic either so 
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I have an autistic son.
I knew of autism but I knew nothing about autism and I can remember talking to a Co worker before I found out and he mentioned that my son sounds autistic.
I was so offended.
But from there I started doing more research.
I feel that it is rude as a stranger yes, but coming from a mom who deals with lack of understanding, I would have appreciated this stranger so so much.
Perhaps this stranger is dealing with some issues with a child or grandchild with autism and wished someone had pointed something earlier. In our state we have an early intervention programs till the age of three. If your child is not diagnosed early you could miss this very helpful, free program. Not everything is done with malice.
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He’s only 1 year old for crying out loud.
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I think she was fishing to find out. Shame on her!
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Yes I can’t stand it…people forget that kids are allowed to be silly or do certain things just because they like to do it…some people just have to put a label on EVERYTHING
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At 1 yr old I would just ignore her comments.Young children are just trying to learn how to use their arms and legs.
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My son showed “signs” that I was concerned about at first, including hand flapping (which he still does), trouble looking at eyes / staying focused during conversation, he was delayed with speech until he was around kids his age that spoke better (he’s almost 3 and speaks full sentences now), and that’s not to mention the God awful tantrums, slapping himself, throwing himself against the walls. We took him to get evaluated just to be told he’s having trouble communicating, which was the source of his frustration, but otherwise was “normal” (not on any autistic spectrum). Normally they can’t tell til about 2 unless there’s obvious signs. A lot of babies/toddlers do things the same, autistic or not, until suddenly it’s not and you’ll know as mama. I’d wait it out and if it persists or you have doubts get baby evaluated at 2. Right now, baby’s just learning how to use those limbs lol
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Tic tok is making all these kids look like there is something wrong with them
Shouldn’t assume or have an opinion.
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I think it’s weird that she even said something……
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People are so annoying, just ignore them.
Autism is nothing to feel offended by…
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I’m guessing the lady has an autistic child and is maybe looking for companionship. Can’t imagine why anyone without an autistic child would bring that up….
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noting personally i would get offended by. I would simply answer no and move on
Im just wondering how the conversation went about that you felt she was rude
My youngest has a few learning disabilities and autism is one of them. I knew from 4 months there was something different and by 13 months he was referred for autism assessment and diagnosed at 2 years 8 months. My son hand flaps constantly always has done. My older 2 have never done it. I don’t know of other children that do it, that aren’t autistic. The woman shouldn’t have said anything to you though, maybe she related somehow and was trying to start up a conversation. And being autistic is nothing to feel offended by.
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Bring a special needs parent myself, I’ve grown a pretty tough skin. Alot of things that would make most other parents angry, don’t even phase me. But either way it goes, it still was pretty rude for her to just assume and ask
She should have minded her own business in my opinion. And I would have told her so. It shouldn’t matter whether a child is autistic, so why point it out.
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I thinks it’s none of her business either way
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I don’t think it’s rude. The earlier autism is diagnosed the more help they can receive to have the best possible outcome for them as an individual. I have 2 nephews at different ends of the spectrum. Both are amazing! I think she was probably trying to be helpful more than insulting.
My 6 year old is on the spectrum. Hand flapping is one of his biggest “stimming” things that he does and he does it often, multiple times a day and always has as long as I can remember. Even when he was a small baby he has signs of early autism. Thankfully I had early intervention in place (due to him being a preemie born at 2lbs 9ozs) they were able to catch it early and he was able to get into the therapies and pre-k that he needed early on. Early intervention is KEY with any atypical neurological disorder, not just autism. I am sure she had the best of intentions when she mentioned it. Maybe she has been in a situation or something that she wished someone had said something to her or a family member or friend early on…
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I think that she was rude! So what if he does! Is it any of her business. He’s just a baby! Sorry but I have a nephew around that age with a similar disability and that attitude hurts my heart. Shame on her.
Well, there’s not enough detail for anyone to understand what happened…
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My son flaps his arms like wings. Getting ready for takeoff. It’s normal. Some people try to be doctors and can try to insert themselves where they aren’t wanted nor needed. I would be offended by doctor stranger thought the need to “diagnose” a one year old that she doesn’t even know.
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yes it’s rude bc it’s none of her business.
I had some random lady tell me that my son walking on his tip toes was a sign of autism I hate ppl like that. Hes one , I wouldn’t pay any mind to her or anyone else like that. I also hate ppl that think something is “wrong” with a child if they aren’t walking and talking by the age of one.
Mom Karen’s are the worst!!!
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No one gets more unsolicited advice or comments than a mother. I found that out. Some people just don’t know what to say out of their mouth…especially when no one asked for their thoughts. I probably would have said something sarcastic…like I did to the man who told my son he liked his mask (because my son wasn’t wearing one).
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Hiw did she say it and how did she act every advert suggest that you need to put yourself in others shoe nothing rude just she was doing as the world tells her to
A family member tried to tell me my 1 yr old daughter was autistic because she threw fits already, then tried to tell me she was diabetic because she’s 1 and 1/2 and weighed 38 lbs. She’s not either and now that we have aback yard and she’s not drinking 8-9 glasses of milk a day she’s down to 28 lbs
Instead of seeing a negative just forget it and move on. Be thankful that people are recognising more symptoms and are aware of some signs or autistic traits early on so that the children that do have it can be helped sooner. You will always have people making comments or giving parenting advice even if you don’t ask for it.
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It comes with the territory of being a mother I think. People will give you unsolicited advice all the time. Smile, nod, and do whatever you feel I right as a mother.
I have 2 sons on the spectrum and they both had some very clear signs early in life. Before I confirmed it through an actual doctor, there were all sorts of opinions and advice being thrown my way from people who had no clue what they were talking about, but they were only trying to help. Rather than being mad about it you kinda have to just let it slide off your back.
I need more context… Body language, situation, etc.
You are free to take it how you want.
Just remember, unless it was intended as malicious, being mad only messes with your stress.
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F*** autism is just a label for treatment… do not give a shit what anyone in society thinks… maybe she needs a friend
Doesn’t really matter if she was genuine, a stranger has no business commenting on your child/family member’s development. That’s something for parents, doctors and teachers to discuss together. A friend maybe. Not a stranger. It’s very rude to comment on a developmental difference that the family might already be aware of and struggling with. And just flapping hands alone doesn’t mean anything.
Depends on how severe the flapping was. I don’t think the lady was trying to be rude. Maybe she has a close family member with Autism and was sincerely trying to offer advice or support. My daughter flaps her hands all the time. People always ask me if she is signing something…and I always tell them that it’s just one of her stims.
Maybe you should take a step back and think of why the possibility of autism is so offensive to you?
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My son is on the spectrum, he is 2, going to be 3 soon. The hand flapping started pretty early, at like 1 year or so. I don’t think it was meant with malicious intent, unless the tone of their voice was making you feel some type of way
I wouldn’t be offended because autism isn’t an insult.
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my son does it when excited
Depends on what she said and how she said it?
As a mother to a son that has literally created a syndrome of his own that no one else in the world has there are some things in life you have to take it with a grain of salt her intentions may have come from a good place my son experiences tons of things that Drs. THEMSELVES cant explain and let me tell you as his mom I can sit here and tell you that I know more than they do and it was the absolute smallest things that I would have never ever even guessed I have an 11 year old so I wasnt a new mom either till this day I wish I had a mom that would help guide me in the right direction so I know where to seek help
Autism can be beautiful In so many ways, instead of a insult I would take it as a compliment. Sounds crazy but autistic people see the world in a way that others cannot. If he is then so be it 
if he’s not then all well, no need for hurt feelings:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
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Not rude. She was probably just genuinely curious. Her very much might be. I’ve always flapped my arms, even as a baby. Guess what? I’m definitely autistic. 
My oldest is 5 1/2 and I’ve never had someone come up to me questioning if either of my kids were autistic. Who tf thinks to just walk up and say that- specially someone you don’t know? It’s not an insult but like- why would someone just assume they are?
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Its not really rude imo
No. Someone threw that out to me last week if they display behavior normally people ask.
As a mom of an autistic child I’m glad to know that more and more people are recognizing signs of autism which means autism awarness is really getting out there, which is so desperately needed. I doubt she was being rude I’ve had people come up to me when my son is stimming and ask me if he has autism and I always just answer their questions, I dont find it offensive, in fact I prefer people to ask questions versus just staring at him and silently judging us. (My son is 9 and is completely nonverbal)
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As a fellow autism parent, maybe she saw things she experienced herself and was trying to make a bond over her struggles too. I mean unless she was terribly rude and said “your child looks autistic” then yeah… but she could’ve been trying to relate.
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Whether he was flapping his hands or not its kind of rude to come up to a stranger and point out a disability their child might have. It’s really not their business at all. But she may not have meant it run and was just curious but she’s still out of place by bringing I up
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I had that situation turns out she was right. I wish I could thank her honestly. I would have never known to have my son tested for autism. I definitely did take offense to it.
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Some might not agree but this is my opinion. Yes it’s rude, it’s just not something you ask a parent or something you say to someone especially if you don’t know them or assume about someone. Some mean no harm by it I’m sure but to me it’s just not an acceptable thing to assume out loud to someone
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My son did this turns out he was autistic.I guess it would depend on how she said it and brought it up.
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