My kids flapped their hands at that age. She needed to mind her business. Even if a child is autistic there is no reason for anyone to point it out. My son wears a brace on his leg and it irritates me when people point it out like gee thanks captain obvious just make my child more self conscious then he already is a******
1- is ignore her your kid is not her business and 2- i wouldnt care either way. Nothing wrong with autism 
Doesnāt really matter. Rude people exist, personally I donāt take it personal lol. You both know your children and Iām sure you monitor their development.
ALL babies flap their hands!!! Why would she care if he was autistic?? Rude!!!
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Itās rude. None of her business unless is a healthcare provider or teacher etc.
It is without a doubt rude af for a STRANGER to comment on such a thing having no knowledge of you or your child. Being aware and understanding privately is one thing, being verbally ājudgingā based on no clear evidence is rude. Iāve had someone come up to me loud as can be in a dentist office yelling about how my 8m daughter is on the spectrum because she was using sign languageā¦ its rude. Being aware and knowing how to act, react, what to do, what not to do, what to say, what not to say in a situation where you are encountering a person or persons on the spectrum is a blessing. Going out of their way to be accusatory out loud is insensitive even if your child was on the spectrum. Sure, one could be curious or know a thing or two on the topic. But there are boundaries of respect as well. Idk mabe Iām old school that way. If a parent or child would like to share, thatās the time for respectful conversation on the topic. Being accusatory not knowing anything about someone in an outspoken none of your business way I find rude.
Have the Drās said that, they usually know by 1yo, just to make sure for urself. Stay ,Blessed
How was the delivery? If it was casual and a real question then itās the same as asking if your child has blue eyes, or commenting on their head of hair. Being as how your child was at an age to be appropriate in flapping and /or have autism this was a person who is at least āawareā of autism and generally wanted to know in order to continue to have a conversation with you! Itās not rude unless itās delivered rudely. We canāt advocate for āawarenessā yet tell people they canāt askā¦
Who give a S*** what this stranger thinks or says. Just do you and let those babies be themselves.
I meanā¦ I think it really depends how it was said. But I will say (my son was just diagnosed at 3) itās not really up to anyone to tell you that. Some people have good intentions and come from a good place, but itās not an easy convo to have. And a child that youngā¦ the woman probably meant nothing by it. But I wouldāve probably taken offense. And thatās even knowing what I know now 
I donāt find it flat out rude. Obviously thereās some sting when someone asks if your baby has a developmental disability, but at the same tokenā¦ people are still curious about autism and are wanting to understand it more. I guess it would depend on the context of the situation and how she said it to me, personally.
Sheās trying x.x If your boy was autistic youād be happy that she put in the effort to learn about his diagnosis yes? Try to look at it from the bright side 
I donāt think she meant harm
Why donāt you just ask her? Tell her how you feel about it. If he felt offended say that offended me
I donāt think she was being rude. Probably just had a loved one with autism and wanted to be helpful. Saw this article after reading this post and thought Iād share. Nothing wrong with your child either way 
Early Baby Therapy Could Reduce Clinical Autism Diagnoses By Two-Thirds | IFLScience
I think itās really hard to tell where it came from, I would hope by the way she said it it sounds like a genuine thing maybe sheās had children around her who were autistic who done the same things. Thatās not to mean that he is or isnāt, I just would hope for someone to say it would be from a more sincere person who had experience rather then someone just being horrible. Can only hope. Anyways as you say heās still very young and that is a tendency in lots of children. Just see how it goes but take it as ok maybe sheās just trying to help x
Since early intervention can make such a big difference she was probably trying to help, but it would really just depend on how she said it.
And to note, itās very hard to diagnose autism that young. I would make note to talk to the pediatrician about the things you notice, but also keep in mind that these behaviors can be just typical toddler behaviors.
My son hit a lot of flags for autism but that parallels his expressive speech delay so we anticipate those things being resolved with therapyā¦ I just say that to say that these things arenāt black and white, especially at that age.
Depends on the context. Maybe she has a loved one with autism and was trying to relate or be supportive.
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Well coming from someone who has a child with Autism, they usually assume heās bad and needs a good disciplining at home. Donāt think too much into it.
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Why would it be rude? Autistic people are amazing, maybe she has an autistic loved one and wanted to relate with you. Itās not an insult.
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My son is autistic and has severe global learning delay and limited speech. I find people,mostly older people will ask if heās austisic and they usually say my grandson has that,or a friendās grandson has that.I dont think thereās any malice in it I think people are generally just more aware.
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As a parent of a special needs child they will have been in their own way trying to be supportive and see if things are all ok they might notice things that you donāt even though weāre with them 24 hours a day depends on the manner in which this person has said or approached this
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Iād say it honestly depends on the context with how she said it. If it came from a concerned or loving place then thereās nothing wrong with that. Obviously if she said it in a mean/judgmental way it would be a rude comment. The simple statement of thinking someone is autistic isnāt rude in itself, it all depends on the intentions of the person who said it.
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I would never ask. Not my business. I would just be kind to mother and child. Kindness is best with everyone.
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She may have only recently learned that itās a common trait or she might have recently had a child diagnosed and was looking to connect
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Hard to say without knowing exactly what she said and how she said it. Sounds like it was a bit of an assumption but itās possible her heart was in the right place. As an autism parent myself it is common to get supportive and knowing looks or comments from others.
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I am autistic. Are you so insulted your child might not be āperfectā? I rather have a sign and follow up than rely on my pride and let it sit.
We share too much in this country and we demand too much.
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Speaking as an autistic person, it depends on the context of the situation but most likely she may an autistic relative or family friend who stims that way, recognises the behaviour and was aiming to be sympathetic.
On the the other side of the coin, regardless of her intention, I think itās most important for you and your sister to remember that autistic people and children are different, not less, autism is not inherently a bad thing, and while there are ill-intended people who use it as a slur, thereās no reason at all to be offended or consider someone rude if they assume your child is autistic, and taking it in your stride regardless of the context will help remove the stigma around the word autism for you, your child and the person asking the question 
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My first question is why does she need to know either way? Curiosity is not a sufficient answer when coming from a stranger in my humble opinion. So yes I think it was rude but probably not meant to be intentionally.
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I find it refreshing a stranger knows stimming and while her assumption was wrong it wasnāt coming from a bad place. There is no shame in stimming behaviours nor in being Autistic.
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I learned to mind my business. Was in the elevator and this little girl was āacting outā. I said to her āyou too old to be acting like thatā. Her Mom said to me Iām sorry but my daughter is autistic and she is not understanding why we have to leave. I quickly apologized. I felt embarrassed. Smh
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Honestlyā¦as an old lady and the mom of an autistic child, now adult, I think it would depend on what/how something was said. I now recognized the hand motions my child made were typically autistic traits. But when she was little, I had no idea because she always had a flair for the dramatic anyway lol. So, if you are uncertain if she was being a jerk, she probably wasnāt meaning to make you feel any kinda way.
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I find it odd that a person believes she can tell if a child has autism by just seeing the child flap his arms. Only doctors and specialists can say that AFTER following procedures for a diagnosis. I would never ask a stranger questions like that.
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Kinda hard to tell without context. What did she say and how was it said.
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I did this as a baby and my whole family thought I was autistic till they found out I was just hyper lol if he asked it in a nice just wondering way, I wouldnāt assume heās rude , could just be curious or maybe autistic himself and wondering 
my son also does this (heās my mini twin) and this is just my opinion but if I feel uncomfortable with questions I do sometimes remind people itās non of their business and walk away !
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Only a specialist could tell you if your 1 year old has autism. Itās too early for laymen to see it. If youāre worried get him tested. But either way autism isnāt a bad thing, and can in fact help with later successes. Early intervention can even help get past some of the hindrances of autism
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Itās only rude if you think there is something negative about being autistic.
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My 5 year old grand daughter does that when she is excited and/or tired. She acts just like any other 5 year old.
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I really donāt think she was rude. Sometimes we as parents overlook things or just think things are normal but because she might have experience in dealing with/ working with kids on the Spectrum, she was able to say something. That comment would open my eyes more or even more if I had suspected it and if I didnāt suspect it, then I would schedule an appointment to get it checked out. Please do not feel hurt. My son is on the Spectrum and he is the smartest little human I ever came across 
I wouldāve asked what her profession was. Maybe sheās a therapist, maybe she was a doctor, maybe she was a teacher with special needs children. If she had some of those credentials then I would be concerned. She said oh just by the way heās acting. I wouldāve said oh well your opinion really doesnāt matter to me.Youāre just a nosy person.
She should have asked if your nephew had autism not if heās autistic- having autism is not who your nephew would be- as long as people see having an extra need as defining - then people (like you) see it as rudeā¦
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Maybe they have an autistic child or loved one and seen a similarity- which does not mean your child is autistic, but maybe that was their way of trying to connect with someone who may understand.
Depends on how she said it, thereās nothing wrong with someone having autism, however 1 is too young for that to be diagnosed
Sounds like she was just being contentious about the idea of the baby being autistic.
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She probably was just trying to show acceptance thinking he was or could have been. I have three and it would definitely be nice to see more love for them and acceptance
My son is 3 and still claps his hands when heās excitedā¦ Dr isnāt concerned because he shows now other signs of autism.
This exact thing happened when my grandson was that age. Woman was a local busybody so not much response given but to be honest, his behaviour has been unusual and I wish heād been tested. Now heās almost an adult, smart as a whip but continues to have communication issues. Who knows?
Iāve had these kind of comments rudely and just sincerely wanting to know. Iāve had people say it kinda disgustingly about my oldest and then some say it sweetly. Context is everything these days. Iāve left people with jaw dropping answers already that were rude and have had some of the sweetest convos with others.
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It is also a very common thing for ALL kids to do to some degree. People need to mind their business. Doesnāt matter what her intentions were.
She was trying to be helpful and informative. Why do people always think people are rude for this. I wish a lot of things had been pointed out to me. That lady knows that if itās an autistic trait he is in fact displaying then the quicker itās checked the better as early intervention for children on the spectrum can be critical depending on the child.
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Give her the benefit of the doubt and treat her as a sincere woman who really thought he was autistic. Its become more common nowadays.
Not rude at all depending on the conversation context. My son is Autistic, and I always welcomed questions. Some gave me great info before we knew he was Autistic. Itās never really to early to watch for signs. My son is amazing!
Well there is nothing wrong with being autistic so she may have been just asking
It is rude to assume things. But what was said after that? Did she say other things about it? Did she drop it?
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My grandson is autistic hes three he does that especially when he was smaller he doesnāt do it as much what i truly hate is when people stare an dont say nothing an give u looks like control that kid ugh i love my baby an i dont care what people think he can do all he wants
I wouldnāt take offense to someone asking if your child was autistic but what I would explain to them is that your child is still extremely young and it would be really hard to tell if they were truly autistic until 2 or 3. My son is 5 years old he is not autistic and he does weird things sometimes and does weird hand movements and head movements but heās just off in his own world doing a dance or something in his head. Top other people I guess this could look strange. But I would never assume someone is autistic do let alone ask.
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Hard not to take it personallyā¦ but she probably didnāt mean for it to come off that way. I know that autism is so prevalent that I am looking up signs etc. you just want your baby/nephew to grow up without any complications. Maybe she was just trying to connect? Who knows!
Maybe she was concerned, I can remember when my mother said to me about my child why she would crawl on her bell6y not on her hands and knees or when you tired to stand her up her legs would fold up under her. Did i get up set ? hell no , I took her to her Dr. was told she was just fine just LAZY . She was almost 2 18 monts as not walking then one day she got up on her own and took off . End of story . Take the kid to the Dr to find out . and not here that not one of us is a DR.
It could be genuine,they may have friends or family that are autistic,but I genuinely feel that most should just mind their own business
No I donāt think itās rude. And there are screenings that asks those questions because that can be an early indication. And the sooner you know the better.
I understand how it can look rude, but I wouldnāt take it personal.
Overthinking it she didnt mean harm. But really Once u realize ppl are stupid or rude, you wont care. Plus isnt there better things to worry about than a lady you wont see again?
No not rude maybe just aware. Many people are negative around Autistic children due to the lack of awareness.
I think itās rude, babies do flap there hands especially if things donāt work they wanted them to. Iād keep my opinions to myself anyway.
Well Iād rather they assume they have it and have more compassion than those people who think autism doest exist. I would rather assume everyone has some sort of issues and that we should be kind because we donāt know other peopleās strugglesā¦ But if she was assuming to be judgemental then Iād be upset.
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I was told my son had it because going under a cabinet and closing the door was a sign. I found that ridiculous.
Yes people need to quit being Karenās & think itās okay to dish comments publicly or advice to a stranger. If itās not a compliment your kid is cute,cute fam,etc donāt make some back handed insult to a stranger. Idc if there was 20 kids clapping their hands. My son gets so excited he wiggles his fingers but no kid/person should be in a category of be define as this. Were all humans and different but even autism kids,kids, adults I will never treat them diff or ask someone r theyā¦mind ur business, u can watch but itās weird when people think itās okay to interrupt parentās with their kids minding their business. One thing ur beating ur child or kid has a melt down hits a stranger but that cmt wasnāt necessary and honestly some people donāt find themselves as offensive or triggering people!!!
I think it really depends on how the conversation went?
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A little presumptuous maybe? Depends on the context of the situation xx
Why is it that someone asking a reasonable question is considered rude? And let us say for the sake of an argument that this person had ill intent and was trying to be rude; it is always up to us, the recipient, to choose how we receive things and the perfect response would be to smile warmly, look them in the eye, and say that your baby is a bit young for such a diagnosis but thank you so much for your care and concern. 
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Itās a stranger. Why should their opinion matter to you or your nephew?
Mind your own buiness is what I would of said
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Some people are hyper vigilant. Especially when itās something they are experiencing.
Buy a red car, you notice lots of red carsā¦
Dating a narcissist? Now everyoneās a narcissist? Sisters bestfriends baby cousins nephew is autistic and flaps his arms? Now any arm flapping will be attributed to autismā¦
I would have dismissed her and went about my day.
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Just say no just being a child.
My 13 month granddaughter doe sthis especially when excited
People should never assume anything. Keep it to yourself
Iām usually on the look out for signs of autism and other neuro divergences. Just in case something happens and I need to interact with that child, or spot signs of distress. I donāt think sheās being rude, unless you think being autistic is bad. Then you may need to do some self searching.
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I think itās rude she offered her unsolicited and likely unqualified diagnosis of your child. So yes, she was rude.
It has nothing to do with āif itās coming from a place of concernā like other people are saying. Itās presumptive and rude to think you want her commentary. You donāt ask strangers for their childrenās medical summary
No I donāt think it was rude at all. Personally she was probably just curious. I donāt understand why you think that it was rude. Maybe she was wondering because she knows someone with the same behaviors or are themselves and wondering what sign to look for
It was rude for a stranger to make an assumptions & that stranger not know the 1 yr old babyā¦should have minded her own business instead of creating trouble.
my friend and neighbor watched a little one and we hung out. I noticed he did the hand flaping ALOT in the same manner and times and situations that a autistic child would.
I have a autistic child I knew at 1 she was and fought for 4 years to have her tested bc no one believed me bc she grew out of and learned coping skills that several signs she stopped all together.
I told my friend and the mother my concerns about it.
they didnāt notice what I did and didnāt to the tips I suggested to help when he was stressed out I was picking up on clues they DIDNT SEE AT ALL
I suggested they simply talk to the Dr about the signs I was seeing she was rude to me and then belittled me that I had no right or education on this subject because her co worker who was more educated said itās fine.
4 years latter when they were forced to test him he was struggling very bad and they never sought help for the issues I saw and he needed thearpy and other services and for 4 years didnāt get any at all.
he is severely autistic and k knew for that entire 4 years.
sometimes it takes a different perspective to look at things and if itās nothing then itās nothing
if they has talked to the dr he could have had services sooner and they refused and then acted like it wa a shock to them it wasnāt to everyone they told.
I would stop worrying about what other people do or sayā¦We all say dumb stuff once and a while. Just ignore with a pleasant smile. And move on.
Better to ask than assume heās just a badly behaved child, has shitty parents, or the myriad of other assumptions one could make.
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Itās REALLY NONE OF HER BUSINESS
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Iād say sheās more uneducated than rude. Shake it off.
Itās rude for a complete stranger to assume your child has a condition. I wouldāve told her where she can shove her opinion
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Stop giving her qualities that she doesnāt have. Allow her to be a good person and instead of asking complete strangers just ask her!!
My Son is autistic high functioning his 22 years old and I find ppl. It is very noticeable in his mannerisms we went shopping one day and this older woman about 60 told me he should be institutionalised as his a retard . I nearly socked her one when his younger brother 21 years old asked if she was on day release from the old bitches home and maybe she should return now.
The amount of ppl that commented defending my son amazed me there a lot more awareness now so I donāt think she meant to insult or upset you .
I think itās strange for a stranger to ask someone a question like that. If the stranger thought the childās behavior is similar to an autistic child, that thought should not provoke the stranger to come up to you to inquire.
Thatās like seeing a person in a wheelchair and assuming that they were born paralyzed or that they were hit by a car and will never walk again and then approaching to inquire about the personās condition. Itās strange!
A ladyā¦ So no family or friendā¦a lady told me today that I was rude. I ignored her. Soā¦why is this bothering you. Many ladies say stupid thingsš
Yāall are so offended by everything. Also, you seem like itās so āgrossā that she would ever even mention it
Honestly, why do you care what some stranger thinks?
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Yes itās rude itās not her business and my teenagers do it lol they arenāt autistic
Idk about rude but it sounded like an awkward conversation. Can a 1 yr old even be diagnosed?
I would never ask anyāone that!
Anyone who goes around assuming someone has autism are a special kind of devil
I tend to mind my own business 
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If I donāt know, I donāt ask. Itās really no one elseās business.
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I have adopted three special needs kiddos, now 18,7 and 5. One day in the store one of them was having a meltdown. Along came a lady and boy was I ready for her because Iāve had so many say āoh, they need a napā or ā my kids would never have gotten away with thatā. You know who Iām talking about. Anyway, she very quietly and unassumingly started talking to my child while also talking to me. She distracted him in a way that peaked his curiosity and quieted him down. She told me that she would entertain him while I could step back, gather myself up, take a deep breath and calm myself. After a few minutes the situation was under control and she explained that she had been in my shoes many times. I was so grateful for that woman I canāt begin to tell you. Oh, I still have moments like that and I still run into people who think they know whatās going on but I try to be the woman who helped me that day. Making no excuses for the lady in your circumstance but maybe she wanted to be that lady too.
. My heart goes out to you and your family no matter if he has a diagnosis or not.
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