We are in our early 60s and have helped various family member by giving them a place to stay during tough times. The last 5 yrs no one has moved in and we’ve enjoyed the peacefulness. Our son and 2 grands needed a place to be which was supposed to be 2 weeks. It is now week 5 with not much hope in sight. No offer to help with Bills, rent and little help with cleaning. They are on devices almost constantly, if they aren’t going to store, order door dash, rarely cook. We are feeling trapped in our own home and cant even get a conversation started to address any of it. Any suggestions are greatly needed.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. We feel trapped in our own house: Advice?
Be blunt hun . Tell them unfortunately they gave till this date to find a new place .
Best of luck
Better law down the law fast!
Give them a time frame and stick to it.
My mother in law took advantage of us, she wasn’t supposed to live with us long and it was 4 loooonnnngggg months, I gave her a month to be out and when we kicked her out she thought I was joking. She never had a plan to leave. She took full advantage and was very dirty. Ur going to have to be the bad guy otherwise u will be taken advantage of
Have the talk with them - it’s your house
Ask him how many days are in 2 weeks an if he thinks he’s reached that yet…
Set boundaries, expectations and a time limit for them to find housing.
That’s your son. Tell him wtf or your looking at years, not weeks.
Call a meeting get some figurrs together and present them.
Write out a list of things you want from him. $ rent/utilities, help cleaning (be specific), etc. Sit him down & go over it with him. If he agrees he signs it. If he doesn’t he moves out. Be prepared to follow through with evicting him since that’s the only way to force him out.
Change the Wi-Fi password.
Give a deadline. If he’s doing nothing to improve then there’s no reason to keep bumming.
Talk to your son, tell him an amount you need to cover expenses, if he isn’t working tell him find a job. Make the kids clean up. If your son don’t want to help tell him to leave.
Tell them to get their own place
Sit them down and tell them straight.
Yes…I think its our job as parents to be there always for our kids…no it is not our job to be taken advantage of.
You sort out a fair amount between you to go towards housekeeping etc and chores they can help with
My son occasionally stays with his kids but hes the opposite…he shops, cooks meals, cleans up after them and works around the house and garden. No I don’t take rent because I own my home and the little difference they make to bills he more than covers with everything else he does.
Call a meeting and lay down the law!. Reward the Grands for cleaning, cooking, etc. with wifi/device usage. Tell the son pitch in or get out! He is not going to do for him or his if he isn’t made to.
You are the matriarch of this family you need to be firm… he is not a little bit and needs to figure out a way to take of himself and his children.
See if your individual therapist can help you learn some communication skills. You’re well past established residency so if you don’t have the boy on a lease you probably should. Set clear standards for them to abide by and make it clear this situation will not continue.
This sucks for yall. Kick them out … I know it will be hard because of the grandchildren but
Sit him down, give him a timeline to be back on his feet. Make a list of things he needs to do to help out daily.
Demand they sit at dinner table and listen to your rules. It’s your home take control. Tough love they can’t follow then they leave. Old enough to rack up utilities with games old enough to work
Cut of WiFi change passwords
1 less for them to use they’ll have to pay own internet bills then .
Change locks put there clothes outside show them who’s not the senial 1 now maybe in senior years but you know when you have had enough
Good luck we’ve been trying to get rid of our guests for 15yrs
Give them a 60 day notice
Mention to him his stay has been 3 weeks longer than planned and wasn’t a long term situation & you’d like your privacy back.Then tell him although you love them you need them to find a place and say you’ll give them x amount of time to be out.
You’re over sixty laws are significantly different for you and your husband you should call you local human services department and report them
You have to start the conversation. Obviously not with the grandkids, but with your son. Do it at dinner and something like -
We’re happy to help you out, but what was supposed to be 2 weeks has turned into 5 and is ongoing. If you’re going to be here long term, then we need to discuss some responsibilities. Set chores for everyone, son and grandkids, and let your son know he needs to contribute financially to the rising costs of having 3 more people in the house.
The longer you wait, the harder it will be and the longer you let them stay with no responsibilities, the harder it will be to get them to move out. You’re giving them a free ride. Everyone would love a free ride. Establishing household responsibilities as well as financial responsibilities may encourage them to move out.
Tell them to pay bills or leave.
Your and Husband need to put your foot down and TELL YOUR SON . GET SOME BACKBONE. after all it’s YOUR HOUSE RIGHT
Had many comments and the best one is change the Wi-Fi password or I would suggest cutting the internet off altogether…if they carry on with the devices they can afford data…then it’s time to ask them to leave…good luck please let us know how you get on
Tell them it’s time to leave. They exceeded the 2 weeks and have outstayed their welcome
If they can afford door dash…they can afford rent.
….I evicted my mom so… it sucks but you gotta do what you gotta do
maybe help them get financially motivated and secure. Try and teach them the tools they need to be on their own and help out with it. It’s a lot better than letting them crash and burn and be stuck in your house. It’s kind of outlandish to teach an adult with children that sort of thing but everyone has tough times things are more expensive than they ever were and the younger generation are lacking in a lot of fundamentals it seems. Maybe they will return the favor one day when you need it.
Kick them out, with no guilt feelings, you owe them…NOTHING!!!
Sit down and figure out what works best as far as responsibility’s and financials etc. Then sit down and have a family meeting outlining your expectations if they are planning on staying.
Sounds kinda dramatic it’s only been 5 weeks. Talk to him and give him a date he needs to leave by. And ask him for help with groceries and cleaning up
They will only keep doing what you allow them to do. Tell him pay up or move out. And his sons need to help around the house and do chores.
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Cut off their internet access and kick them out
Star with changing the internet password, give them a ultimatum and a date to leave , do not put your foot down, it’s your house and they are taking advantage of you and your husband
My first question is,did you talk to him about helping?Second,I’d talk to him and tell him,you have xx amount of time to either help or,you need to find a new place.If that doesnt work,go to the court house and start the eviction
If he doesn’t allow you to start a conversation about it then don’t have a convo just tell them to leave. You’ve givenore than enough time to get on their feet. Ordering door dash isn’t cheap and they’d probably have plenty of money if not for that.
Just come straight out and tell your son it’s time for them to go. He’ll get mad but he’ll get over it.
It’s your son! Talk to him and give him a month to look for a place, be honest tell him how you feel
My parents have helped many people in the same way over the years. The first thing they do before the person even moves in is set ground rules, what they will be expected to help with and things that they can’t do, and let them know that if they break the rules and aren’t helping then they will be expected to move out. It helps a lot and they’ve only ever had to kick out one person.
Wow, that’s really sad! You need to talk about a move out date!!
Write a letter with a move out date …Period !!
Yes, write our a 30 day notice to son and grandsons, if grandsons are under 18 years old only give it to your son, for everyone over 18 they get a copy which will include all names, then set that date up and evict them on the 30th day. I would also copy it to my phone,spouse,son and grandsons phone. End of discussion. It is a limit to love when it interrupt your peace
Have a talk with your son about a move out date, with love. Ask how you can help with the transition.
It’s sad when family members take advantage. Write out a letter of what you need them to do and pay. Tell them if that is unacceptable they have 30 days to find other accommodations because you can’t have them there.
Ground rules, expectations and boundaries. Have the uncomfortable conversations!! Your house.
Sit them down and tell them your expectations It’s your house…call a mandatory meeting with everyone that is living their…l
Don’t be a doormat… give them a date to be out. Otherwise, they will still be there a year from now.
Conversation my eye! Don’t discuss–tell your grown son to chip in, help out, and get a place of his own. Set a deadline.
Just talk and say we love having you with us but we just cannot afford to pay all the bills etc .you need to help us with this and in the meantime you need start finding your own home and say we will help you find one .
My house is always full of family living here and I’m 71 but must admit love it .but they do pay there way .couldn’t do it otherwise
Tell them they need to start helping with bills, food, cleaning and if not get out. Stand up for yourself and your home. Family or not you shouldn’t be made to feel like that.
I would just lay out if their gonna live there part of that is helping to clean and all the money they spend on food can be saved (or most of it I get lazy too) for rent or part of it.
Don’t start a conversation if they won’t let you. Just straight tell them it is time to go. When they ask why, list the reasons. Then you file an eviction notice so they have time to leave, usually have 30 days. That’s it. Put foot down and enforce. It is hard but they’ll keep taking advantage as long as they can.
Kick them out. Your house,your rules. Why is it so hard for Americans to stand up for themselves?
Check newspaper ads for rentals, tell him about them. Is he even looking?
Just tell them to get there things and get out of your house
Change the locks when they leave and don’t open the door
Change your Wi-Fi password for starters, and don’t share it with them. Put a Cable password on too. No TV or internet for the freeloaders. Watch how fast the kids whine to their father to move out.
Tell rhem to get out. If they don’t, file eviction
Are they Ill, unemployed, broke and have nowhere else to go? If no, there’s no reason for this.
But your foot down and tell them what you expect of them and if they can’t do that then they need to leave.
When I have faced difficulties starting conversations with people for whatever reason, I have found that getting my thoughts out in a letter usually helps. I hope things get better
Family meeting and if no change in behavior give them a due date to be out
Your house your rules.
Going to say this family is first,you help them but when there not willing/or want to help there is a problem. It will hurt at first but you need to kick your son out. I’ve been through this. Kicked my daughter out but keeled grandkids. It was tough but she finally got it
I imagine they don’t want to be there any more than you want them to be there in the end you will feel better for helping your son & grand children make a new exit schedule with your son stick to it allow little more time to save up money for apartment for him & his children
Serve them eviction notice
Set a date they must get out.
Stick to it and CHANGE YOUR LOCKS!
There’s helping them there’s being taken advantage of…… my mom voice would be going at my boy right quick
Tough love is needed, time to sit them down n tell them the rules of ur house, they also need to pay their way, kids want to have a device with internet…they need to earn it, change the password each day until the chores are done, as for ur Son he definitely needs a kick up the butt for treating ur home like a bloody motel, shape up or ship out I hope everything works out for you
Tell them to get out! File eviction! Call the police! This is not right! They have no rights to your home!!
Talk to your sonnby starting with you like being the grandma that enjoys visits and then go from there.
Change the locks asap when their out!!!have a civil standby to get them to go
Give them a written deadline to leave.
And then follow through.
Start with a chore chart and post it on the fridge for everyone to see with assignments by week with persons name etc
Start a grocery list and online you can add it to your cart and get an estimate of the total budget then let your son know he owes half that- do this every week or 2 however often you shop.
As far as rent or bills , I wouldn’t demand that because that just means they will be there longer because they’ll have less to save for a place of their own. But you could come up with a rough table of how much you expect or suggest your son set aside each month and then help figure out based on that amount how many months he would need to stay with you to save that amount and move out, but you would need to pad that a bit giving them more time realistically factoring in all the expenses and unexpected stuff.
Have a talk with him and see when they plan to move out. 2 months should be maximum stay. Just tell them straight out your use to peace and quiet and you expect them to have found something elsewhere by end of second month.If their not out change the locks before they are squatters. Make sure you give them written notice
Sit next to them and text them. Then look over at them with sad eyes and explain to them just how much they suck.
Your house, your rules. Set boundaries and a deadline for when they are to be gone.
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Kick them out! So much of this now a days going on and so unappreciative! Saddening!
I know someone going through this very thing and it’s been YEARS, with no end in sight.
You are an amazing momma. Doing school online…wow and raising 2 babies, you are such a wonderful momma to be getting an education to provide a good life for your children. Straight A’s congratulations. Call your local county office and see if you can apply for emergency aid, also ask about shelters and getting assistance with child care and health. If you don’t have insurance, they can help you.
I am a single mom myself,
I am in CA if you ever need an ear to vent to you can always DM me. You are one strong momma for reaching out for help. I am sending prayers and happy good vibes your way.
Tell him they can’t afford to eat out and tell him he needs to give you x amount of dollars a week to hold back for him to get his own place your too old to have your life turned upside down
I would say you have other guests arriving for a month stay in 2 weeks as you thought they would be gone by then. Yes its a lie but it’s a hint for them to gtfo
O yea very simple since they can even make a min to address the issue i would write a small short sentence on a postage and stick it to their devices while they are sleeping assuming they tend to sleep in.
This is what i would write on it .
We sold our house movers are coming in next 24 hours. Pls make sure all you things are packed as well darling. We didn’t want to bother you with this nonsense seeing how busy you are i. Search for your home. Love grandma .
Trust me soon as they wake up they will all run to want to talk to you about it since their asses are about to be on the street they don’t care about you . They care only about them selfs amd this is how you will know. When they run to you and ask you why when and so on then you know is all about them if they say grandma i m so sorry to hear that would you like help with packing then i would sot and talk to them about it . Other wise i would continue to give them a white little lie and soon as they ask you question answer it with same question back. Lol would love to see this happen hahaha
Make up a rental contract get it notarized and have him sign it
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it’s time to tell them either shape up & help around the house or leave, And get a rental contract with your son paying a little something towards the bills
Open your mouth and communicate!! It’s your son for goodness sake. You definitely should of started appropriately having healthy communication in his childhood, but you can still start now!! I could never imagine being so scared to talk to my own child
It’s your home. You need to sit your son down and talk to him. He seems to be immature and not willing to make something of himself. That’s a sad situation but you can’t take care of grown children forever. He has to spread his wings and fly!! I don’t understand how you can’t speak with your own child!! I have grown children and can talk to them about anything, and my parents were always able to tell me anything, and they did!! You can do it!! You can do things in a loving, caring way but still get your point across. I’d set a time frame, and tell him he has to get a job and be moved out by a specific date. If that’s not possible, then I would set a time frame for him to start helping with household chores, etc… Remember, it’s your home, and you are the boss of your own house!!