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QUESTION:
"We have one girl and 2 boys 5, 3 (4 in Dec.) and 10 months. My husband heard about his stepbrother (age 16) touching younger boys from a couple of ex-cops of which we are now wondering why no one felt the need to inform us about said issue when we have boys who he was around. My husband asked his mother about it and confirmed the info was true. We always thought his favoritism to our son was maybe just him liking my boys' personality or just being a good uncle but I see now that my hunch and feeling uncomfortable about his favoritism to my son was appropriate now we feel worried and mad and upset idk what to do… what about family events and what if he shows up one of these times to a family gathering I don't want my kids around him and I'm hurt and mad at my mother in law and everyone else for not telling us. I don't know what to do… all my head wants to do is re live all the times we went over there and try to remember if there was any chance he was ever alone with my boy I'm so upset and it makes me sick just thinking about it"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"They probably didn’t tell you because they didn’t want it to be known. Which unfortunately is common even though it’s important information. I would not have any contact with him… for any reason. The fact that you said he shows favoritism to your son would be enough for me to not associate with him. I would avoid him at family events, or maybe not even go. That’s a hard situation, but it’s your child & you need to protect him"
"PLEASE get your children some counseling and let the counselor know what information you found out! I would also call CPS! I can almost bet that the boy has conditions to his release! He probably isn’t supposed to be around minor children and his mom should be in trouble too! ESPECIALLY because she knows already!!! Wtf! I am sure your husband will fully support you in not EVER allowing him around your children and if not, too damn bad!"
"You need to sit down and have a talk with your children and explain good touch, bad touch and see if they will tell you anything!"
"To hell with everyone that kept it a secret! Don’t go to shit, have it at your own house if you want family gatherings. No protecting feelings when it comes to your children. I thought we stop protecting these sick ass people! Smh you should be pissed."
"The family obviously doesn’t care about your boys. To hell with them… You have every right to be upset. Sadly this has happened in my family, and a lot of my cousins got molested from this family member, but my parents never took me around them and I never had to deal with that… Prayers for your family"
"I know it’s young, but since the issue has come up, just talk to your children about good touch and bad touch… and i asked my daughter when I bathed her if it was OK if I helped her wash down there. I don’t call my kids parts cute names like some parents call it a cookie… my step mom called it a tutu or a haha and the boys were a hehe. I tell my daughter lady bits so it’s not clinical but it’s also clear what she’s trying to say if she has to tell a teacher or someone in authority… my boys are 12 and 11 now but when they were younger I had the same talk with them."
"I hope your stepbrother is seeking treatment, he is so young. As for your kids, YOU decide who gets to spend time with them. It would be a firm no, with zero exceptions. Make your own family activities, and if your invited to other family gatherings, first thing I’d ask if he’ll be there—if he is, you don’t go. I’d have a serious conversation with your MIL on how betrayed you feel that this info was kept from you and your husband. Best of luck."
"I am so sorry you’re going through this!! That should have never been kept from you but about the future family gatherings…it’s simple. If he is there don’t go and if y’all have something at your house he is uninvited! Who cares how anyone feels about it that stepbrother is not safe to be around your children and you are there to protect them at all costs!"
"That’s definitely something that the family should have been made aware of and you have every right to be upset! With that said, it’s not the entire family’s fault for what he’s done (just those that have concealed his actions). I would just suggest that if you choose to still attend family functions where the stepbrother is there, you keep an extra close eye on your children and don’t let them alone with him at all, ever. None of them. Just because he has preferred boys in the past, doesn’t exclude any daughters from a perceived threat."
"I’ve literally missed weddings I was supposed to be in because a man who molested my family members was going to be there (it’s a relative’s dad). Your kids come first above everyone else and their feelings. The fact that no one felt the need to tell you is super upsetting and I’d be mad and worried too. Now you know and you can protect your kids but I agree with previous comments I’d make sure to have the talk with them just so their aware of what’s appropriate and what’s not."
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