At what age is appropriate for siblings to have their own room/privacy? My daughter is ten and currently going through the “changes.” Her brother is 8. At their dad’s three-bedroom house, they are forced to share a room because dad’s GF moved her 20 yr old son in. I know it’s not my house, but I don’t feel that they should be sharing a room. I was molested and raped by my older brother (18 months older), and we didn’t even share a room. I am a concerned mama for my babies!
Your issues shouldn’t be projected on to your children.
Shared rooms aren’t uncommon for many families and they get on fine with them, especially when shared custody is in play. I’d rather have the younger siblings sharing than someone sharing with the 20 year old.
Isn’t there a law that at a certain age they have to have separate rooms? I mean come on what kind of father would allow that? My kids still share a room but they are still small (boy and girl, 18 mo apart) when one or the other don’t want to share a room it’s time to separate them.
I am pretty sure they are only allowed to share room up until 5 years if different genders. Thou the 20 year olds to get his shit together and grt his own place.
Some of these comments r funny. Cos when its girl and boy by law once 1 turns 10 they are not aloud to share…
Is your daughter uncomfortable with it? You might want to revisit the custody agreement with the courts.
The 20 yr is old enought to find his own place, if i were u i would raise my daughter under my roof
https://www.pacode.com/secure/data/055/chapter6400/s6400.81.html. section M states opposite sex at 10 years old or older may not share a room
The 20 yr old needs booted and he needs to put his young children before his GF and her adult son!!
Since you raised them right, I think rape is not the main concern (although it’s huge), but her lack of privacy and her father’s inability to provide a safe, private place for her. Have you asked them to put a divider up so it’s two rooms that share a door? At that age, privacy is more of a concern than safety and I’d be more worried about her with a 20-year-old but maybe just suggest a divider like a bookcase or a drape so they have their own space in that one room until the 20-year-old moves on.
So it’s shared custody and maybe only weekends the lil needs to learn to go to bathroom and change at least it’s her brother she’s sharing with and maybe he can’t afford it but the kids aren’t there long enough to pick up and move and far as the gf kid think as a mom r u gonna let ur kid be homeless maybe a bad break up or something u don’t know he needed his mother He got with her knowing she had a kid things happen no need to get worried about it. That’s what there dad is for to protect them . U know ur kids there old enough to talk about things. I’m a single mom of 3 girls and 1 boy u think the boy is 13 he refuses to put on clothes well he keeps his boxers on I’m always fussing at him but they don’t think nothing of it… they bust in when people use the bathroom it’s the normal thing shit happens.
it also depends on how ling they are there, if its split custody arrangement and they are there for half the week then it can be an issue, but if they are only there for a weekend then they wont push it
I kinda went through the same thing… but ive always talked to my boys about saying anything that bothers them… Something i wasn’t taught when i was small and i would keep everything to myself… I have taught my kids self respect and values and morals… I would think its better for them to sleep together than with someone they don’t know… Its hard that you cannot do anything about it since its not your home, but you can always teach your children to be alert and protect each other… Their situation doesn’t have to become yours if you teach them at a young age… Always have a open and good communication with them is the key…
maybe the two boys should share a room
According to DHS, I cant have the 7 yr old rooming with the 5 year old… Opposite gender.
They are kids! My daughter shared a room with her brothers until we were able to buy a bigger house. Guess what?? Nothing ever happened! I’m sorry you weren’t as lucky but you shouldn’t automatically assume the worst. As for the 20 year old, nobody knows the story as to why he is there. My oldest is about to be 19 and you can guarantee I’d move him back home if/when he needed it (he’s in college now).
cps says different genders cannot share rooms after a certain age …
My brothers and I shared a room until I was 15. It was only 9x12. My parents did the best they could. Not every couple can afford a bigger place…
I’m a firm believer that opposite sex’s shouldn’t share a room, however, some people don’t have the option not to have children share rooms. To my knowledge, in WA state, children can share a room with another sibling of the opposite sex until there is a 5 year age difference.
I have 2 daughters and they share a room. They are 4.5 years apart and we’re already looking at a new home so they don’t have to share.
To me, the 20 year old should sleep on the couch or find his own place. IMO
My daughter and son has never shared rooms, fortunately. However, I would be concerned about the 20 year old as well. Speak to your children was so that they will be comfortable to tell you anything
Also, ask their dad to have them in seperate beds if they are sharing a room. Hopefully it might be a temporary situation.
Chrystal Call you obviously have never been molested and are now a mom. When you go through abuse like that and then you have kids of your own, that is the number one fear that a mother has. I too was molested by my brother as well and when I had my 2 boys I watched like a hawk to make sure nothing ever happened even though they are the same sex. She’s not projecting, I believe she is being careful to not have another child go through what she went through. And Marla Haney… You can raise your kids the right way and have a beautiful home, nice cars, have learned manners, responsibility, learn right from wrong… But if someone is mentally ill even as a child and they molest other children, it’s not always because they were raised wrong. It’s because the molester has a problem even at a young age… Because of my history my sons have never shared a room, they never slept together, never bathed together, and I have not allowed them to sleep at friends houses. I would rather be safe then sorry then have another child go through what I went through for years. I can understand where this person is coming from.
Contact your local DHS office and ask at what age they should stop sharing a room. Most states don’t have laws against blood related siblings sharing a room regardless of gender but it is suggested that once one child hits puberty they go into different rooms. I think you need to seek counseling for your issues related to your child hood. Your son is not your brother and vise versa. Those are your issues to handle not your kids or their dad.
Each state is different on their laws as far as what age opposite sex children can share a room… most states that age is around 5
If you have a fear of your son violating his sister it could happen anywhere just not at your ex’s house . Get your son help
Doesn’t matter if they are are 2 or 20 your child is your child do you honestly want him to kick him out for no good reason that’s horrible,esp when the other kids only stay weekends.And again without any reason can you imagine your own son abusing his sister?Personally I think perhaps you need to work on your own issues before imaginary ones.And she’s 10?? What changes she’s no even a tween?OTT
Idk where you live but here in the stateof wisconsin its actually illegal for children over 3 of opposite gender to share a room
Where I live (Croydon) I’ve been told my eldest has to be 10 to have his own room, I have a son and daughter, currently nearly 5 and 2 so a long way off. I feel it should be sooner
Don’t blame or belittle a mother for “her own issues” when it comes to protecting her children. Molestation, rape and assault are facts of life.
I would suggest you consult with child protective services on whether this is even a legal housing of these children where the father lives.
A change of housing arrangements that include a 20 year old non related person into the household is a concern. Is the 20 year old bringing other people in and out of the house? Using drugs? Was there a discussion of the housing arrangements with the mother?
Nice to have all the opinions…but if something happens …well, that is a young girl’s life.
So Mom… check it out. Be concerned about all the people occupying space there… including her stupid father. Protect your children.
Different areas have laws for that. I had a friend who had to find a place with 3 bedrooms when her son became 6. The brother and sister weren’t allowed to share the same room even with a big room divider. The sister was 8.
By law they have to be in their own rooms by the time girls are 7 I believe.
I think you possibly might be confusing your past issues and hurts and fears and concerns with the present situation. You obliviously care. Love them. And are trying to protect them. No question about that. But sharing a room isn’t that horrible. They have food and water and shelter and are lucky they get to see both of you. Preventative measures are great. Talk to all adults In the home. Talk to dad about step kid. He’s over 18 look into a background check maybe. For peace of mind. Also talk to someone professionally about what happened please. Speak to your daughter. If she’s already changing at age 10 there are far more things she needs to know. How to defend herself or speak up for herself if anything were to ever happen. You’re mind and heart are in the right place. Good luck
I’m sorry but 2 boys in one Room or 2 girls and 1 Room is 1 thing I had to do that with my kids 2 boys and 1 Room 1 girl in the other.
But when you’re talking about a boy and a girl in the same Room never I would have never done that ever put both siblings in the same Room it is never OK
Stop looking for reasons to fight with your ex. It’s hardest on the kids.
Maybe the two boys can share a room. My concern wouldn’t be the sharing it would be the 20 year old that’s not blood related at all. You mentioned your got raped by your own brother and didn’t share a room. I’m sorry that happened to you but it if happened to you not sharing a room, how will you think it won’t happen once they stop sharing a room? The point is it can happen anytime. Talk to your daughter about her feeling uncomfortable to discuss with her father about necessary adjustments.
could always suggest the boy sleep in the other son’s room and have the 20 yr old (who should be out) gone on the weekends they come over. Then they have separate spaces. There is always the couch for one also but if she’s changing it’s time for split. Let your ex know and find out what your area requires (simple call to a lawyer or case worker) can solve it.
They should always have their own room in my opinion. But the age they are now is inappropriate for them to be sharing a room.
I would be more concerned about the 20 yr old at the point.
In some states, that’s against the law, I think. I don’t think kids can sleep in the same bedroom if they are opposite sex after a certain age.
Uh i would check your laws
I don’t know where you live but I’m almost positive in iowa it’s a law that they have to have separate rooms once they are old enough. Personally I would not let her share a room with her brother he would get booted to the older brothers room and that would just be the end of the story.
Some states actually have laws on age restrictions for children of opposite sex sharing rooms. If your state does not, there isn’t much you can do!
Look up laws for it in your state!!! It differs depending on your state, but most do have limits for when they must have their own space based on gender… If it was 2 girls there is no issue
I guess dads girlfriends son should be sleeping on the couch. In my state (ky) at 5 girls and boys cant share a room together
In my state it’s illegal for non same sex siblings to share a room. Just saying.
But by 10, it should be considered bc teens do their own space.
In florida children of opposite gender have to have their own rooms at 5
How many nights a week do they sleep there? If it’s only 1-2 nights a week, I really don’t see the issue, especially if the 20 year old is there full time.
I’m so sorry for what your brother did to you that’s terrible.
Depends on the state laws to be honest. In some states if there’s a five yr age gap and opposite gender they can’t share. Look up the laws for your state. But I’d just voice my concerns and ask for hidden security cameras as a precaution because of your history I don’t see why he wouldn’t agree.
I was apparently wrong…it’s not illegal, anywhere…
They should have separate rooms now. Try to talk to Dad,if he doesn’t make changes , hotline family services in your state.
There aren’t laws on room sharing when you own your own house- renting is different and they can require seperate rooms. Some people can’t afford to have a house big enough for each child to have their own room. As long as they have their own bed and personal space, its allowed.
Look into your state laws because most states its law that kids age 5 and over have to have their own bedroom!
I think it’s weird he would let his 20 yr old step move in while his daughter kids are so much younger. Poor judgement
in ohio thats illegal!! boys and girls over the age of 5 can not share a room…
I mean I guess I would rather my 2 kids be in the same room versus one sleeping in a room with the girlfriends adult son.
Some of the questions asked here are things that should be brought up in family court we are all agreeing with you but what kind of change is that going to make
In nj the law is children of opposite gender have to have separate rooms by the time the oldest turns 5.
Here in this state there is no law about ages sharing a room, but for my personal family I would say at puberty they need to stop sharing if they are opposite gendered siblings. Just for privacy and emotional reasons if nothing else.
While looking up at what age it was illegal in my state I found this
Everything I’ve read says there is no laws in the US saying it’s illegal. My two oldest shared til they were like 9 n 7.
I agree with you not proper
My children have always had their own rooms
Um, girlfriend should not even be living there! Then there would be no problem.
If it bothers you, then maybe offer to purchase a futon or something for dads house to put in the living room for your son to sleep on while he’s in there. I understand why you’re worried due to your past trauma, but lots of brother and sisters have to share rooms just due to parents not being able to have houses large enough for all of their children. or ask to buy a futon that can be put in the stepsons room and maybe your son could sleep in there with him during their visits, but I’d honestly be more uncomfortable with that versus my son and daughter sharing a room.
I would he concerned either way. I wouldn’t want my son to share a room with the older boy either. He could hurt him and them the mother wouldn’t want to deal with it.
It’s actually against the law to have different sexed children in the same room after the age of 5
In TN per CPS at age 5 a boy and girl can NOT share a bedroom.
Guys. It’s not illegal for blood siblings to share a room.
You just sound bitter that their dads new boo moved her son in…its not like your daughter shares a room with the 20 year old step brother but instead with your 8 year old son…you are being petty and letting your jealousy get the best of you. Mind your business…plenty of families have smaller homes and have shared beds or rooms. I think you’re using your past experience as an excuse to be a bitter bm i know the truth hurts but check your feelings and let your ex move on…as long as he is taking care of his kids…food, shelter, love then you have nothing to complain about.
Even though it is not state law, CPS generally has guidelines on age limits in different sex siblings sharing rooms. Generally once puberty is being reached. You would have to start a CPS investigation or already have a case going to have them enforce their guidelines but you would have to have cause that something was going on. Your best bet is to contact your lawyer or case worker involved in your custody case and see what their recommendations are.
There is no law demanding they have different rooms after a certain age, do your research. And it will be extremely excessive if you call child services over this issue. Not everyone can afford 4+ bedrooms. Maybe the 20 year old son has his own issues and needs to be living at home? Y’all never stop to think there are 2 sides to every story. So quick to judge, based off a small snippet paragraph of one persons side. I’d have the talk with her and explain to her these changes. Keep communication lines open. If she’s uncomfortable with sharing a room with brother then let her make that decision and come to you about it, don’t push your own uncomfortablities on your daughter that she might not even be experiencing yet. Life’s not always easy, sometimes financially we can’t afford our own bedrooms, it’s not the end of the world, stop treating it like it is.
In TN if you’re over the age of I believe 4, you have to have your own room.
My kids have separate rooms an they are 8 years apart they are boys all kids need their own room
Here you cannot have boy an girl in the same room at that age
Too old in my opinion to be living with mom and step dad and honestly mom should be more worried about the 20 year old molesring the younger two since she stated molestation in the post imo 🤷
I would want my daughter and son together being theres a 20yr old man unrelated to either of them living in the house…I would be more concerned about that then brother n sister sharing…I have 9yr old twins boy and girl they have they’re own room and he sleeps on her floor so he can be with her
In CA they can share a room as long as they have separate beds. CPS even states it’s ok. It’s better to have separate rooms once puberty hits but if they do share a room its not illegal.
Boys and girls shouldn’t be sharing a room after the toddler stage.
They shouldn’t be going over there if you uncomfortable PERIOD !!! TELL THE EX HUSBAND IF HE NOT ON BOARD TAKE EM TO COURT!!!
I feel like there’s rules on that, but every state is different so I’d check into it
If the kids don’t see it as an issue then u shouldn’t either. Just talk to the kids about inappropriate touching and make sure they have a safe person to turn to in case something like that happens. My kids are 12 and 10, don’t share a room but always end up sleeping in the same room cause they are inseparable. I too was molested by my older brother but that doesn’t mean it will happen with my kids.
Probably nothing you can do about that… as long as they have their own beds at dads
Oh helllll no! Separate rooms!!! Courts will agree
As it was posted above there’s absolutely no law in any state about children of opposite genders sharing a room. Where y’all are getting confused is with foster children, there are certain restrictions about sharing rooms. There is often a “rule” (not a law) that CPS will consider about bedsharing. All children should have their own beds. That’s it. I have 3 children in 1 room (2 girls and a boy) my oldest is about to be 11 and my youngest is 5. My girls change in the bathroom for privacy while my son is still a free spirit and gets naked anywhere. We take turns with the bedroom to allow one or more children some time to themselves/personal space. My children really only are in their rooms to sleep and my son my goes to bed way before his sisters so there’s no negative impact on anyone. While it would be nice for the children to have separate rooms, a 20 year needs far more privacy and space than a 10 year old.
Me and my husband moved in with my dad and step mom because she needed help taking care of him and some weekends my kids share a room when my husband is home but when he is on the road my daughter sleeps with me she is 9 and my son sleeps in their room he is 17 but sometimes they both sleep in my room they have their own beds and a divide thing so they have their own space
It’s a personal preference. I stopped sharing a room with my older (by 10 months) brother when I was around 10, it made us uncomfortable, but there’s no law prohibiting them from sharing. Voice your concerns but most judges won’t rule against it unless there’s behavior in either child to consider it inappropriate
Definitely time for sister to have her own space!
In NC if they’ have started school boys and girls can’t share a room
There to old they need separate rooms
Most Children who harm or molest other children have had it done to them… unfortunately. It’s a learned behavior…now curiosity is a completely different issue. And that should be addressed at this time anyways. If you’re worried about your kids molesting each other I would say there is more serious issues at hand than them sharing a room. And hopefully your brother got actual help and you counseling and therapy as well.
I’d be more concerned about the 20 year old. If he were the sort of person who likes to hurt kids, they’re safer together than in separate rooms.
In my state, opposite gender kids cant have the same room past 4 or 5. I would check your state laws!
IT IS NOT ILLEGAL FOR SIBLINGS TO SHARE A ROOM.
Please stop spreading false information.
The only time it becomes a problem is if something occurs. In Va. it is not illegal to let your children of any age consume alcohol in your home, they can get drunk at any age and parents will face no legal recourse, however if CPS is notified, you will face issues. I imagine it is the same with cosleeping and opposite genders sharing a room and the like. Only if a problem arises or CPS gets involved will anyone bat an eye at it. Btw, I don’t agree with the law, I am just stating the facts.
I would also maybe continue your counseling if you’re concerned that your son will harm his older sister.
I think by the time they start school they should be in separate rooms just my opinion but it’s up to you… why can’t your son and the dad’s gf’s son share a room
Talk to your kids? They may not care but if they don’t want to definitely talk to your ex
In my housr the kids got there own room when they wete girl at age 6 and the noy who was a yr older has his room
You better take your butt to court and make it a part of the custody agreement.
Um, I think that 20 year old needs to get his own house… He is old enough to have a full time job and go get his own apartment.