I know what you’re thinking, that is such a naive question to ask. Just go get a lawyer and file. It’s not that simple, and I have probably put WAY too much thought into it. My husband and I have been married, almost 9yrs. My husband makes right at 75,000 a yr, and I make only 25,000. I don’t want any more from him, and I’d like to split custody 50/50. But on that note, how in the world can I afford it?? I live close to a military base, so rent here is insane! The only way I could even remotely afford to be independent is if I were to purchase an older home. But then that’s where my hesitation comes I to play. Mortgage, car payment, utilities, food, school expenses, phone, insurance, etc… how do you all do it? Advice, words of wisdom, anything that could be beneficial. And before you ask, no, I do not believe my marriage can be saved.
If tm you can’t feed them don’t breed them.
mediation is supposed to be cheaper than having opposing lawyers.
Why should he not pay you anything. Just wondering
Do u have family close to you? A lot of people stay w family or friends for a bit til they can get on their feet again. Also…just on your salary and not both of yours anymore…there might have to be lifestyle adjustments or even possibly a roommate. Been there and done that twice …good luck to you
You can apply for a financial affidavit and file the divorce with parenting plan attached prose. I filed myself, no atty, paid full price due to his income though but was less than $400.
If you live in a place where a $25k income can buy a home, you’re going to be just fine.
It’s not easy, make a budget- NECESSITIES, see what things you would qualify for based on your income, such as reduced costs on certain things you may need, in most cases of 50/50 custody child support is not ordered to either party, where as a parenting plan the courts would order a suggested amount of support for the children who reside with a custodial parent. Figure out if the other parent is going to contribute their 50% or more if needed as far as sports, dr’s appts, clothing, etc. some parents won’t.
Lawyers help you figure all that out. Cost of living child support and rehabilitative cost for you for rent and living
You have to get a lawyer because you have children together so your first step is to consult one. Due to the inequities in income, he’ll probably end up paying your attorney fees. If not, then hit up Legal Aid in your city to see if you qualify. Your best bet will be arbitration as it’s the simpler course of action.
50/50 custody will not get you child support. Is there any reason alimony could be an option?
I imagine you’d be entitled to spousal support and likely receive child support based off of his income compared to yours. Even split 50/50 custody you’d likely receive something from him financially. You may not want it, but take it because it sure will help out with supporting the children while in your care. You can do a child support calculator based off of what state you are in.
Go to court house and file indigent
Look into your own future and side hustles and ultimately what position or career do you believe you need to be in to be able to afford your life…and work towards that . don’t settle for where you are.
He should have to pay child support and alimony… and you work full time… you should be ok to start… then you might have to get a second job
You could just do what I did and wait for him to leave you lol and then he would be desperate and pay. No but seriously. That’s how it happened for me. I could have stayed and kept the house and my job there but I had no family there. All of my support was 3 hours away. So I sold a bunch of things and then moved 3 hours away to stay with my family until I can get back on my feet. Right now I am still with family, splitting bills, and working to get us a place
Why wouldn’t you want him to share in the responsibility of the children equally? Even if you share custody 50/50 your kids deserve support from their father to have somewhat of a consistent life. It’s not fair to them to change lifestyles weekly. Let him help you so your children are stable.
Are you both amicable about getting a divorce? Is this something that you guys could go about as adults together? Make it all about the kids and making sure they are cared for, have a mediator, write everything down, research necessary expenses etc etc
I understand that u want nothing from him but if he makes that much more than u then u should ask for child support to help you raise his children let me tell you it’s very hard I raise my daughter pretty much on my own no child support at all and I make sure all of my bills are paid before anything else it may be stressful at times but it’s worth it instead of staying cause he was a lieing cheating scumbag
Are you in Canada? BC family law website offers a tonne of information on separation.
Well… he has an obligation to pay child support a judge will decide, neither you or your husband in court the will make a decision based on what is in best interest of the child/ children that’s the right to do.
Im wondering the same. But how will you work this 50/50? Do you both work part time and can do that easy? My situation if i left: my partner works 1 week on 1 off. Id be taking kids as ive always been primary carer, he does night shifts too so he wouldnt work as primary carer. In AUS id have to apply for centrelink… im rural atm so best opportunity for work would be to move to nearest bigger town an hour away. That automatically means he would get the kids every second weekend unless he made changes. Thats not me been nasty- thats to give me the best chances of finding work and study options for longer term benefit. When you split you will need to do what is best for you then the kids. He wont be your priority anymore.
Don’t forget to ask also for college and health insurance for ur kid
Then u know what…yes, u have overthought it (and thats completely fine) … But honestly, u will struggle adjusting, may have to make some sacrifices …BUT what u need to know is just do it and u WILL figure it out… Even if its not quite all mapped out or whatnot… Take things as they come… U got this!
I wouldn’t tk one cent from my ex for 4 years after 26 years together and 3 kids… my kids were 6, 14 & 16 when we split… i wanted nothing to do with him & nothing from it… I was working multiple jobs and killing my self to mk ends meet and wasn’t able to spend much time with my kids… finally my father said “don’t cut your nose off to spite your face”… he makes 3 times what you mk… get alimony and child support to help support your child when they are with you… you will regret it later if you don’t… trust me…
How old are your kids
stay married 1 more year you have to be married 10 years to collect his ssi
Ask for spousal support and do joint with kids.
Split everything 50/50 not just your time with your child.
Why are you on Facebook and NOT talking to him???
Maybe that why your relationship is south
Get a better paying job.
You really can’t afford a divorce… let alone take care of children with your income. If you can, don’t pay any bills and save your money. You must go downtown and file for the divorce. There should be some type of waiver form or something stating that you can’t pay. Fill that out with your petition for divorce. At that point, you should have already applied for Legal Aid. You don’t have to be approved yet… you just have to have applied. They should have free advisors downtown to walk you thru it (Law library). Ask for full custody, child support and spousal support. They will serve him shortly after. They will walk you thru it and if you get turned down like I did, then you’re just going to have to pay for it all on your own.
I had the best lawyers money could buy here in Houston… Trust me, I was in deep shit. I was a stay at home parent with all credit cards maxed out and everything under my name… house, cars, you name it. I really prayed hard and f,ought for my little girl. Do what you have to do
Is moving to an apartment not an option? Not ideal but better than nothing
See if you can find another woman in the same circumstance that you could be friends with and share some kind of housing and child care arrangements and share expenses. Worked for me.
I divorced 3 years ago. It was amicable. In Indiana, there is no alimony. I can only get child support. I decided to file without representation. Biggest. Mistake. Ever. I have my first meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. My ex stopped paying child support, stopped doing a lot of things he promised (which shouldn’t have surprised me, that’s why we divorced…broken promises…) but that was about me, and this was about our children. I thought he would at least keep his promises to his daughters. But he didn’t. Now I’m in a huge legal mess while I try and get him to be accountable to his financial responsibilities to his children, among other things. I found a very good attorney that allows me to pay as I can. I know it can be expensive, but there are good family law firms out there that understand your income, that you are losing an income and are limited. They will work with you. Get an attorney now, you won’t regret it.
I was married for 27 years he took everything so one thing is to best lawyer that who make sure you and the have enough to live on you can get alimony and child support do let your heart get in the way you need all the money to leave on to raise your children it is not easy you a lot of hard time but you and him need to raise the kids just because you to don’t like each other the kids love you both you and him need to agree on money and talk to each other good luck
Honestly
You might need to find another job or second job for that hustle to afford being on your own
Even with 50/50 he makes $50k more than you so he will pay child support. Take it and realize it’s for your kids. Swallow that pride and get it to help with your kids.
If he agrees to your terms you don’t need a lawyer. How do we afford it? Go back to school or get a few more jobs. You’ll have time since the kids will be away half the time anyways. Then get rid of the extras you’re used to being able to afford. Best of luck.
Welfare will most definitely come into play, even if only for food. If you get alimony or child support, or he has to cover medical and child care costs, that will majorly help.
Ur best bet is to talk to a lawyer
Your gonna need to get that child support sweetie no there way. Plus since he made more you can also get spousal support. No body would think bad of you for getting it.
Another job, alimony, if hes military kids will still be covered under his insurance and such. Also if he’s military, use JAG not a civilian lawyer.
Wait a year- 11 to be exact. You can then draw off his social security when you retire.
Yes child support but you should look into assistance. Like food stamps or rental assistance. Don’t rely on the child support because while it may be court ordered he pay but that doesn’t mean he will.
Never get legal advice from Facebook. ALWAYS call an attorney 
you can rent instead of having a mortgage. Get a dependable used car. I guess you are used to living an expensive lifestyle. make some sacrifices.
If your both in agreement then most court websites will have divorce papers with and without kids that you can print out, then you only have to pay the filing fee and the parenting class fee and the two of u can divide it in half. The print offs include sections for you both to fill out and the judge will determine if child support or alimony is needed or not. That worked for us but we were 100% on the same page and in total agreement with each other. This method does work if the both of you can be civil. If there is any chance of either of you not be civil then get an attorney.
i think that you should still go for child support as this is for your child(rens) needs a house is a need food all that, also since the husband has the better job you can have him keep insurance on the kids also look into your state for help, there are many resources to help parents that don’t make enough. YOU GOT THIS! YOU ARE STRONG! YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH! just remember there will be good days and bad. maybe before divorce try counseling for the both of you and one on one as well. hope things work out in the end the way they need to.
So 25000 is about $12 / hr I would look for a better job before doing anything. Here both target and chick fil et pays more than that. If you really want to make a decent go of it you need to prepare. He may or may not have to pay child support depending on the state. Im assuming he carries the kids insurance that will count as support. Most states IF you can get any alimony it will be only for a few years. You will probably be entitled to 1/2 his retirement but he will also be entitled to half of any you have. Prepare get your own bank accounts do mediation instead of using lawyers lawyers cost a lot more. He will probably end up paying 3/4 of extras but you will also be responsible for some of school fees child care doctor & dental visits.
Go to the court house they have papers there for self filing
Since each state is different it is hard to help, you should be able to find legal aid to get help with what papers are needed too file. If you are worried about car payments, hang in long enough to pay off your car and any other bills you might have. Look at what luxuries you can trim back, and do without. When my parents divorced my dad had to pay off all of the joint accounts, and provide health insurance because he was able to get it with his job, when my mom got a better job with better insurance she took over work the insurance they worked together for what was best for us kids. You can request your husband covers the children’s medical insurance and expenses, you can have him pay for school supplies and expenses all you have to do is fill out the forms stating so. Personally I feel it is best to try to fix a broken marriage if possible, unless there is an issue of domestic violence.
No u can’t get spouse support, not in Indiana, becareful, you need to plan before u do anything, you will have to make more money than that. Will u parents help u, hope so. Make sure u talk to a lawyer, all men dont help willing.
Try ‘Legal Zoom’ Actual lawyers and go by state. think it is www.legalzoom.com. It is free and might give some insight on your next step. Every state is different as well as status.
Dont ever jump tge gun, counseling? For you and your husband separate? The grass is never greener .but if abuse, yes get out…
File, ask for spousal support, and child support. Good luck 
I did it on 19000 a year
If u both agree on the divorce and custody agreement, u can file ur own divorce. Look online for free legal papers, or go to ur local courthouse n tell them u want to file ur own divorce. Fill out the paperwork, sign the poverty affidavit and file it with the court Clerk. He will have to sign the papers, uncontested and it’ll be finalized by the judge.
A mortgage potentially could be cheaper than an apartment. Child support and you can’t have 50/50 a child needs a place to be at more than 50% of the time. If you live close to dad what’s the prob there ya know.
Also sell car for cheaper car without a payment.
And also get a second job if need be.
I made a house payment & etc on $18k a yr…you find ways to make it work
May have to find somewhere that’s more on your budget? I’ve been in this situation so I know how hard it is 
best of luck
You can do it 
I thought I couldn’t either and somehow you just find a way. You make a budget, stick to the necessities & make the most out of FREE time with your kids. I used to think I had to take my son out to have fun, I learned that just staying home with him and playing or watching movies or Making projects or baking are just as fun. You will adapt!
It can be done . Don’t rely on anyone else’s income but your own and you do what you have to do to support you and the kids . If he wants to help that’s a plus if he doesn’t work harder and always strive for more ! Never give up and never think it’s the end , as for most thus is just the beginning of a new you . 
Don’t file until you hit ten since your so close. And no you’re not putting to much thought into it. Divorce changes people no matter how nice they are. Make a honest list of what your going to need.After your tenth anniversary, file.
Child support is a really big help. From birth to the age of 18 a million dollars is spent. You can also get alimony as long as you don’t remarry. Things to think about that’s for sure.
Its seems over whelming right now cause your head is in topsy turvy take one day at a time get legal advice weigh out your options budget your money when the time comes you’ll make it theres alot.of support out.there good luck
When i left, i lost it all. But it was worth it in the end. Pretty much its starting from scratch
File, ask for child support and have a standard child custody order and move on
Get past the “I don’t want anymore from him” thinking. I tried making all nice with the kids, support, and money. It goes south either way. Get primary custody, child support and alimony is allowable in your state. There is no reason why after nine or ten years you should be broke.
People who live on 1/4 of the money you and spouse make can survive much better than you will. You have to decide which is more important, your current life style or getting out of a bad marriage. I would start making a list, what are you willing to give up. You do not want any of your husbands money, but if he is the father of the children he needs to pay his share! Good luck!
Like Eddie Murphy once said “HALF”!!!
Divorce is something that will mark permanently on the fabric of your children’s lives. Is divorce the only option? How old are they? Have you considered keeping your family together while the little ones grow up and enjoy a comfortable life?
I raised my son with split custody and child support, for 18 years. While it can be done, I don’t recommend it.
The struggle impacts the kids and the amount of time you spend with them gets increasingly limited the more you share custody and have to work longer hours to pay for everything.
I recommend deep soul searching, counseling, working together to keep a family together.
I would keep my family together as long as I could.
You will need to get a tiny apartment and see what government programs are available to you. Get a car with a lower payment or no payments. Factor in what his contribution will be since he makes 3x you. Do all of this math before letting him know anything.
Michelle Longoria…
Can you help?
Spousal support and child support
Apply for legal aid firstly Work out a parenting plan or order apparently 50/50 Arrangements do not work they are very hard on the kids with schooling and things weekend or fortnightly accede is much better and Get Child support through the Authorities good luck move to an affordable area can you have family support to help
It can be done you may have to give thing up but my hubby and I did it on 19000 a year he was laid off and looking and we had 3 kids I worked at a motel
Tons of questions me2 !
Take an inventory of everything is the home. Pics help. If he has any retirement, you are entitled to half. If you are buying your home, you get half of the equity. Reduce bills when possible, cell phone, cable, etc.
Don’t file until after 10 year anniversary or you won’t get half the pension. There is equitable distribution which is so the kids can be taken care of both residences. He will have to pay child support and you may get a lump sum payment in addition. Good luck and don’t “take the easier way” cuz it’s your kids future.
From my understanding being married to military. Wait until the 10th year. Sounds shady but I heard to get any of his benefits you have to be married 10 years. You may not want them now. But you never know down the road. Being a single mom isnt easy
You will have to get money from him until you get on your feet regardless. It’s only fair, and the law (child support/alimony) if your complaining about buying a cheap house, consider the fact that many cant even comprehend being fortunate enough to buy. Consider renting. Also, you will have to work harder then you ever have to support you and your kids. You will have to find out a way to bring in more money or save money. Cut expenses, and he pays half, if not all of the school expenses. You can put clauses like that in your divorce. He should pay for healthcare costs, school costs etc. Its worth it though, and always works out in the end…best of luck 
WAIT till you are married 10 years! You will be glad when you retire. Suck it up till then. Start putting a few dollars away each payday. Then hire a lawyer, try to get full custody so you will get child support. If you split 50/50 custody, you don’t get support for the kids. Make him pay for the children’s healthcare. Maybe even spousal support for a period of time. But most importantly- stay married till you reach the 10 anniversary. You will Never regret it.
Same situation honey…trying to get divorced, haven talked to my ex husband in 15 years he wont sit still long enough for me to file as he struggles with drugs and being homeless …but I myself am trying to figure out the house thing too! My credit sux …i have 2 kids and a fiance we both work full time amd paying 1400 a month for rent for a lousy 2 bedroom is hurting me lol
You may be able to get a legal aid lawyer. Also check and see if there is a housing co-op in your area. You pay according to what you make. No it’s not the same as welfare. Both might help you
Do not take the bait when your attorney tries to stir up anger in you. He’s only helping himself. NJ has no fault divorce. My ex cheated, my lawyer suggested charging him with adultery even though it didn’t matter. I was hurt so I said yes and it just made the fighting worse. My divorce cost me $17, 000. I trusted my attorney and he played me. Take emotion out of the equation. Also I was in such a hurry to be divorced because I hated him but should have stalled for an extra year because my child support was much higher during the separation
Definitely save for another year. Once you hit 10 years you’ll get half his Social Security when he retires. They will award you alimony and or child support, regardless of what you want, through the court system and figure out a custody agreement that way also. Save up $5,000 anyway possible and get your lawyer. That should be enough unless you start feuding over things. Make sure you know exactly what you want going in. Especially any sort of holiday agreements or things pertaining to the kids. Best advice, especially if his job may relocate him, is to go for full custody and settle for 50/50 if that’s what he wants.
In some states like Kentucky you don’t need a lawyer you can go to your county clerk or download the forms needed online at the court clerks website. If your state allows this you just fill them out sign them with a notary and take them back to the clerk they will serve him. If he agrees to everything u get a court date and it’s entered by the court if he contests then you will be heard in front of a judge There are plenty of resources to help get u on ur feet but spousal and child support you and your child need and deserve are your first steps
If you are going for 50 / 50 custody, how can you ask for child support??
Don’t say you don’t want anything from him you are entitled to child support and it is his responsibility to pay for his children. When you get a lawyer he will guide you of what to expect and the procedures to follow
So for my divorce I separated first . I saved up for 6 months ,found a place I could afford walking distances to the shops that way I didn’t need a car . No cable no internet at first . Took half the living room and bedroom furniture and half the kitchen stuff . Wrote it all down what I took what I left behind . Once I was separated my next step was family court for custody agreement. Here were I live you have to be separated for a year before filling for divorce . When that time came I used my vacation money to pay for a lawyer . 2 years after that the divorce was finalized . Sending you strength. It can be done .
Take half at least of his 401k make him pay alimony and do not give 50/50! Make him pay child support!
You can do it I have but it is so easy for others to tell you to wait a year not so easy to do plus in divorce you can ask for that for your children to protect them support I was granted never recd then he never visited or saw his children I had an attorney paid sooooo much money one of the best let her go reviled all myself judge granted all if he is going to have an attorney I advise you do have one ask for him to pay your legal fees file first
First of all, not every state gives alimony. Just look at all the comments about taking this and that it’s no wonder most men want prenups or not get married at all. I agree with child support, but once the marriage ends so should their support of you. Support yourself and stop being greedy.
Stay married . Wait until 10 years then you will get part of his retirement etc
This is a huge change and you are going to have to be realistic. Your life will be different now. As a single mom you may have to move. More than likely, you will have to get a job making more than 25k. You will also need to let go of this “I want nothing from him” thought process. You will initially need help regrouping. Take what is fair for you and the kids, child support and alimony are meant to address the kids’ and your welfare. Talk to a lawyer and get informed. Your life is about to turn inside out and if you move forward it’s going to be rough at first. Get good advice and accept the assistance that you need. Good luck.
Most people don’t file for joint custody initially which is why they can afford it. Child support. It sounds like with your income you can’t unless you have the opportunity to live with a family member or a roommate. The only other option I see is if you’d want to go back to school. You would qualify for grants and student loans which can help with your bills and rent. This is what I’m currently doing. I also get spousal support and child support. You will still get child support with joint custody or at least that’s how it is in my state. You can probably ask for spousal support as well even with 50/50. That’s all the advice I have other than look for a new, higher paying job.
Get a different job, ask for child support, if your husband is in the military the kids are still covered by his medical coverage.DONOT wait just so you can take half of what he worked for that is just disgusting. You should be able to get government assistance, food stamps and wic until you find a better paying job. You are not solely responsible for the kids so he should help with the care of them. Talk with him and figure out what you can agree upon now… keep your emotions out of it, you may or may not hate each other but because of the kids you need to get along and do what is best for them. Good luck
Well when I was a single mom I had like 3 jobs and went to school. You need either a better job or a side job