My daughter is nine months. Her dad and I aren’t together and haven’t been since she was a month old. Through this all so far, he’s given me about 20$ and bought about three cans of formula. He has a girlfriend who might I add no good for him and tries to put her two cents into my daughter and his relationship. Like he owes me half of her car seat I bought, and he said he’d have it by this Friday. Then all of a sudden, I hear her in the background saying no, she can get a money order, and then he agreeing yeah, you can get a money order and saying he doesn’t want me spending the money on myself. I know for a fact he doesn’t think I’m going to spend the money on myself. I’ve taken care of our daughter for nine months by myself. It hurt because he knows I would and do everything for her. But now he’s saying he’s taking me to court to get shared custody. Might i add he saw her twice in October because he was hanging around his girlfriend instead of his child? My question is, would the courts give him shared custody. My thinking is I want him to have supervised visitation. He doesn’t have a single outfit for her. His car is broke, and he doesn’t have a place for her to sleep. I do not feel comfortable with him having shared custody as of right now. What would be the chances?
Unless he’s proven unfit he can get shared custody.
does he have gainful employment? That might be a good place to start
Depending on the state he’d have to prove he has the essential things she needs in order to be able to take her for overnight visits or have shared custody.
So, there is no real danger but you want him to have supervised visits? Stop being bitter and let him be a parent. You are not superior because you are a mother.
He’s her father. We as mothers almost always do more, but you sound like you’re keeping score and your daughter hasn’t even had a birthday yet. Give him a chance, new girlfriend or not. More than likely that’s temporary but he’ll always be your daughter’s father. You sound jealous.
He does need to have a bed for her and room for her to sleep in if he has her for some nights.
Unfortunately this is for the courts to decide and not you. You can bring all your concerns up in court though
I wouldn’t like him having shared custody either, if he wanted that he should’ve acted like it from the beginning.
I’d get in first if I was you, he has equal rights, he is not a danger to her so judge will grant shared custody, unless you can show them he does not know how to look after her, or if he agrees he needs to learn how to do things, best case he gets supervised visits while he learns, then he will get whatever he wants
At the end of the day that’s also his daughter. No matter how the relationship turned out. If he’s willing to get a little crib and stroller and buy her clothes and the essentials for when she’s there then it is his right to share custody. If you feel a certain way about his girlfriend then try to see if all of you can talk it out. Because you don’t know if that’s the woman he’ll marry one day and you’re gonna have to put up with her. So the best you can all do is leave the pettiness behind and be adults for the baby’s sake
It honestly depends on the state.
She does not sound jealous at all. Do you know how many so called “baby daddy’s” want to play to bloody victim card “I don’t get to see my kids” when they get a new girlfriend? Yes they’re literally just trying to show off in front of their new missus and make the baby mumma look like the asshole when unbeknown to others, prior to the new girlfriend he actually showed no interest in being father? And now a new girlfriend comes on the scene and wow automatically he wants to be father of the fucking year? Yeah she isn’t jealous, she’s looking out for the well-being of her child.
Doesnt matter what you spend it on. Omg men are ridiculous when it comes to helping. If he agreed to pay half and you covered his half then what he gives back is YOURS to do with as you please. Youre in for a long road
If he’s the father he’s going to get shared custody. And unless you can prove him to be unfit or abusive, he’s not going to have to have supervised visitation. The money order ordeal is probably to have proof that he’s given you money so when you go to court you can’t say he’s never given you anything.
They’ll probably give him supervised visits to start with because of the on and off relationship. But eventually, he most likely will get shared custody. His new gf and your bitterness have nothing to do with his parenting, if he really makes an effort.
Id fight to keep full custody of ur child hes proven unfit already and allowing his girlfriend to tell him what ti do it should be between u and the father not her
Tbh he most likely won’t get shared custody of your child at the age of 9 months old. My son’s father tried to get every weekend from Friday 4pm to 12 noon Monday when our son was 10 months old but ended up getting 4 hours 4x a week court ordered. My son is 3y9m old and his father only has 1 night a fortnight plus 3 dinner visits a fortnight plus a entire day once a fortnight but this is because of safety concerns and inappropriate living situation
He will get shared custody. He will not have supervised visits. Getting supervised visits is very difficult, my fresh out of recovery ex didn’t even have to have supervised visits. I can’t stand all these women on here pretending they just want what’s best for their kid when they really are just bitter that the babys dad left. Him giving you a money order isn’t a bad thing because he’s trying to document that he is paying for things so he doesn’t get screwed at court.
It’s not about you him or the girlfriend. It’s about that child.
File your own paper work for full custody and child support or you won’t get a dime and just empty promises if he’s a danger to her you can ask for supervised visitation since it sounds like he’s basically homeless he would not get much time also bring it up that he has nothing for her no clothes car seat food a car or stable place to live andhe would probley get minimum visitation
Coming from someone whos dad walked out and always chose the other woman and kids over his own flesh and blood and always listened to her and didnt give my mom a penny, the courts still said they had shared custody. I wish they hadn’t though 
You should forget about the girlfriend and concentrate on your child getting to know her dad.
Theres really no reason to deny custody. He isn’t abusive. And why would he have those things if hes not had her over yet? Give him a chance to be a father. It’s the best thing for your child rather you like it or not. Send her clothes, send a playpen…not everyone has a car. Be the bigger person.
Yes he can have shared custody and get your carseat back, he can buy his own. He needs to supply his own things for his daughter! You’re not responsible for that stuff. You should go ahead and file for custody.
Let him see his child. There is nothing wrong with him getting a money order with you being in control, it is a safety net for him. You should not deprive him of what little control he does have over the situation.
I was once that girlfriend, telling him the same thing “get everything in paper” I would say. 11 years later we are still together & he sees his son.
In NC u can have it to where hea not allowed to have his girlfriend in tge same home but that rule will also apply to u
And you can put it to we’re the woman caint stay with him while he has the child and good luck mommy on this
Take him to court OR call his bluff and tell him to go ahead. $20 and 3 cans of formula does not a father make.
Let go of thoughts of the girlfriend. It can’t be easy with a the changes you’ve had since giving birth. So make it easier on yourself and think towards a better future. Just concentrate on your daughter and what her best interests are. As well as moving forward with your own life.
If he is willing to coparent and is trustworthy in doing so, the judge will set things for you there.
One step at a time. You will get there.
Why share custody ? Have him pay child support and visitation schedule. That’s all you have to do.
Get legal help. If he gives money, he gets to have shared custody usualy.
Do you breastfeed? That is usually a factor with such a young baby. I doubt he gets split custody, I would bet he gets weekends. If you haven’t I would file for child support.
They won’t give custody if she doesn’t have a place to sleep, clothes or a safe vehicle to transport her in.
He will probably get shared custody. He probably will not want that much responsibility and won’t stick to the parenting plan. Make sure to document everything.
He will say he wants half custody but in reality they usually don’t. Plus if he hasn’t seen here much they wouldn’t just start with 50/50 right away
Why dont you have him on child support??? Always see people upset when he doesn’t help or pay when that could all be prevented.
They will give him joint custody…you would have 100 % placement. Unless you can prove he is unfit parent. I would start writing everything down…what he buys, calls, picks her up. Ask for couple hr visits b4 sleepovers start
And unless he is abusive you are gonna have a time getting supervised visitation. You can’t go in and say that because you don’t like his girlfriend.
He will definitely get visitations without supervision. Theres no reason for supervised visits.
Tell the judge that his living situation is not safe. He doeant have transportation… Etc … And he cant take the baby unless you get to see with ur own eyes where the baby will sleep. How the baby will get from point A to B because you are concerned with the safety og ur child. Request supervised visittation
File the paperwork first (custody and child support, in most states they are two separate issues). Shared will most likely be granted, make sure to ask for you to be the primary parent/household.
Get child support sorted first. He has to be responsible for that child as well!!
We’re you ever married?
In the state of Oklahoma you have custody, he can receive visitation.
File for child support instead of playing this bull of he owes me half. This is the legal way.
He can sue for 50/50 custody but it’s way more drama and money in the court system
Get a lawyer
He does not have "property of … " either of you tattooed across his forehead! Yes, he’s an idiot. Idiots can have their babies, too. Take X-rated pics of every inch of her, Hit the local thrift shop for 3 or 4 outfits, a few bibs, a couple of diapers and take pics of them. Around some areas they have “fill a bag for a dollar” sales every so often. A cheap tote wouldn’t hurt either. Tell him that everything else she needs is on him. He will learn,like you did, that baby upkeep isn’t cheap. Save all texts! How this usually goes down is he will complain about not enough stuff, usually diapers or food. Then tell him that he really needs to get his own so he’ll have it for “next week” … and other GF will clear out of get off the baby train because she’s no babysitter, or baby will be blessed with a loving set of steps and parents. Good luck, baby!
You cant control who your ex sees , dates or what ever unless they are a threat to the child or have a record of abuse … that’s his choice just as much as it is yours … go to court file the proper papers and let the judge decide what’s best for that baby regardless if you both agree or not … get it through the courts this way you have proof of what needs to be from him as well as he does you … make sure it also states about insurance/ medical / daycare … everything
he lives in a foster house. with his girlfriend i have screen shots of him threatening a guys child and her asking a person for pills. i’m not being bitter. i want what’s best for my child. he also was supposed to see her the other day and bailed. he does this most of the time. i’m stuck.
I agree with Andrea, he’ll probably get custody but if it’s like you say he’ll loose interest fast when he realizes how much work it is, and lawyers for this type of stuff isn’t cheap and if he’s filing himself it’s going to take time, from here on out document everything. Write your concerns down for the judge so your organized when you do go to court and in the meantime try to understand that they will give him custody and fighting it unless you have serious legitimate reason is probably just going to cause extra stress. If he’s is serious about being in her life and being a dad then her best interest is for you to try to be the best mom you can and let the courts do the sorting out of custody.
Yes, he can and you should support it, as long as she is safe in his care.
You need proof that he is not a fit parent to get supervised visitation. Your opinion on his new girlfriend is irrelevant and your just gonna come off as a bitter ex if you try and use her as an excuse to keep him from shared custody of your daughter. Talk to a lawyer and find out how you legally go about obtaining proof that he is unfit
They will give him some sort of custody and visitation. Most likely he won’t stick to the plan, but the courts will give him the benefit of the doubt because he is the father and he is showing interest by taking you to court. The money issue has nothing to do with the custody or visitation and I suggest going for child support instead of having to deal with what you are dealing with. Good luck
If he can show he has this things she needs in a safe environment, then yes, he’s a good chance.
Just take everything you’ve documented to court with you. Take him for child support. He doesnt pay, he gets punished.
Were you two married? And is he on the birth certificate? I’m not sure where you live but in the state of Georgia, you have to be married to the childs mother/father in order for them to have rights including custody rights and they have to be on the birth certificate
It didn’t seem like there’s any reason for him to be supervised or to not get fair time with her. Don’t be that chick. He’s her parent too.
That’s a hard one, if he proves he can take care of her while he has her then maybe. but it’ll take some time. ALSO you can take his ass to court and sue him for half of everything you bought for the child, one of my friends did it but you need the receipts and sometimes photos.
He would automatically be granted Unsupervised visits. If you want money you should.have done support. I see exactly why his new gf said do a money order so you cant say he never gave you anything because they’ll have a reciept.
Her age alone says he won’t get over night visits. At least where I am from not until she is two yrs old
I’ve been there and done that. Please excuse some ppl’s nasty comments 
you need to file with the state for support, it will at least save you some $$ in the beginning on lawyer’s fees. They’ll decide a set amount of child support based on your individual income. If he wants to contest it, then he’d be forced to hire a personal attorney and serve you with papers. Then you’ll probably need to hire your own attorney, but sounds like his gf has told him if he gets 50/50 he won’t have to pay as much in child support, but you’ll have to go through mediation and so on, and hopefully by then he’ll come to his senses or you’ll have the opportunity to prove he’s unfit. If you show proof to your attorney and it’s brought up in mediation, his lawyer will probably encourage him to compromise. Hope that makes sense, as far supervised visitation you’d probably have to go to court, BIG $$, and you’d need to support your claims with solid proof of abuse, neglect, or drug use. Family courts are starting to lean more to the fathers side these days
Prove he needs supervised otherwise visits will happen unless he chooses not to show on visit days
It’s not your decision. Seek legal advice and see what they tell you. Sounds more to me like you’re jealous.
File for child support now! It goes back to the date you file but they may take it back to the date your child is born. If you have any unpaid medical from her being born bring that to court.
File asap if he is filing for custody.
Ask for a court appointed attorney if you can not afford one and they will hopefully help you figure out what is best for your child where visitations or overnights with Dad are concerned.
Write down dates of visitation and overnights is had to this point. Write down any amount of money he gave and when for your lawyer only, not him.
Keep it out of DSS. Just go through family court for now. I would tell him that since he so filing for custody you will file for child support or he can come to an agreement with you on what he will pay and have him go to the town hall or town court with you to have the agreement notarized as typically a notary works at one of these places.
It’s always best to keep out of court and DSS if you can but if you cant go full speed ahead
The courts try for 50/50 hes the dad and whether or not you like his gf will not change the fact he is her dad…
None of this says he should have supervised visitation. And a judge won’t make it supervised unless you have good proof and reason for it and safety concerns. He’s her father to and has just as much rights to her as you do. And a judge may do shared custody. If not shared, he’ll get visitation. But unless he can proof you unfit, a judge won’t take custody from you and give it to him. But don’t worry about his gf. His relationship is none of your business. Focus on your child and not your feelings towards them
I would keep a book of everything he does. Like when he gets her, pays you child support (if he does) how many times he calls to ask about her. Document everything. So if you do go to court you have it in writing. Also take pics of any text, messages text, phone calls too. Oh also he is her bio dad. He can also get visitations to cause she is his daughter. The only way he wouldn’t be able to get her is if he is abusive or doing drugs
Its also best to keep visitation out if you can. You may not like his girlfriend however that doesnt mean they are bad for your child. You chose to have a child with this man. You were in a relationship with him. You must have thought at one point that he was a decent person. Have you tried regular weekly visitations for him and child, say 4 to 8 hours? Obviously you are the M ok m and given the chikds age court would take that into account where overnights are concerned however they wont give supervised visitation unless you have a valid reason such as he is abusive verbally or physically and not to you, the child. Or drug addict and you can prove it. The fact that his car is not in good working order is not conducive of whether or not he can be a good parent. He could pick your child up in someone elses vehicle. He may not have clothes for your child but you do. Why cant uh ou send an outfit to his home? He obviously can provide diapers. If you prefer your child to eat certain foods you can always send with, I did, but you can always just make suggestions but as her father he has a right to feed what he would like.
I understand this is all new and quite scary. The idea of letting your child leave you but he is her father and you really need to hope that he will do what is best for her. If you keep her from him now it will bite you in the ass later.
My ex and I were separated prior to her being born. He cheated. I absolutely let her go to his home. He had a GF but apparently they either broke up or he didnt have her around when our child was with him. Hed have his guy friend who was a single dad over. Almost every time he had her over night he would ask me to come there and spend the night. Literally just be there to support his efforts. I’m out with friends, I’d get a call. He was not an amazing Dad but he tried and that was all I could ask for.
Dont make it hard on him now. You will only set a tone and is that r u ally the tone you want for the next 18 plus years?
More than likely they will do joint custody but if he hasn’t gotten the child or they don’t know each other they won’t just sent her to start with.
Go ahead and get an attorney and go file for child support through DHR.
I wouldn’t allow child over there without a custody order unless you know he will return the child Because he doesn’t have to.
If he is a good father allow him to be in his childs life.
Never depend on child support either, worse thing you could ever do.
Also make him get the things for his house he would need don’t supply him with anything.
If send my child with Enough dypers for a day and clothes, he is the father and his responsibility to have things for his house to.
Of course send her milk she can’t go with out that.
And another thing you can request they do a visiting schedule to start with so push that.
Soooo, MAKE visitations not allow his gf.
But don’t trip when it applies to you.
Ole girl needs to back off. She isn’t wifey. She’s a temp.
Most of the time the mother gets custody unless he can prove you unfit. If you can talk to a lawyer, most of the time the consultation is free. Call around. Does he pay child support? If not, file for support, they will go by his income on what he has to pay. Not sure what state your in so you need to seek legal advice either through a lawyer or your county’s legal aid. I know in Ohio you can go to Family support office or Job and family services and they can help you file for child support, if you get Medicaid or food stamps they will help with filing for support and also visitation.
You need to file for custody ASAP, most of the time whoever files first will be granted sole custody until you go to court.
If he doesnt pay child support, doesnt bother to see her, and yall weren’t married, and doesnt have his last name, I would just tell him she wasnt really his, and leave it alone, it sounds like you got you all by yourself, you sound like strong woman, and like you dont need him for shit and neither does your daughter
She’s just as much as his as she is yours, YESSSSS HE’S GONNA GET SHARED CUSTODY. HIS SITUATION CAN CHANGE. Besides you were sleeping with him at some point so… Act like you were then.
You dont have choice judge does he will get overnights possibly not supervised unless hes violent or an addict
No judges in there right mind would give him custody maybe supervised visitation sleep asured hon he a loser !
He’ll get joint custody because her dad and deserves it. Unless he’s a sex offender or abusive, he deserves a chance. Don’t be the bitter spiteful baby mama. 
I would file for child support ,NVM all this see if he pays ,it’s been months ,he hasn’t .get an order.then work thru that to a visit schedule ,if he truly is homeless he will have supervised visits,if he has a home likely not.good luck and it’s def time to find out your own info ,he isn’t gonna be forthcoming.
Get a lawyer and explain things then go from there
He dose more than what what my BD dose. My BD dosnt help at all he don’t even come see his kid. He hasn’t seen his daughter since like June when she was in the hospital… at least urs is helping out a lil bit. Some is better than nothing trust me. I really am doing this shit by myself zero help from anybody. Which is cool my baby good. I wish her father would be more involved I don’t want him to buy nothing or give me money all I ever ask him is to come see his kid but he always has an excuse… U should count ur blessings tht he actually wants to be involved and is willing to help
Do what is best for your daughter. If the roles were reversed, what would you want?
Take is ass to court
If your not gonna spend it on yourself why does it mater what form it comes in aslong as it comes? All I can see that is a problem is his girlfriend… have shared visits to start with.
I guess it’s possible but I think he would probably get visitation.
Sorry to say but you just sound like a jealous ex who is bitter about the father of your child being in a new relationship!
And i bet you haven’t made it easy for him either! Dads get so much stick but if he’s a waste like you say he is why have a baby with him in the first place! Everyone goes through struggles but why should that mean he doesn’t get to be a dad! Also why do most mums think they have all the power and can play god with their child’s life!
Just ask that he is required to set up a cot and have the place ready for her if the judge grants joint custody
File for full right now and for child support. His bitch can’t say anything then. I’ll never in a million years understand why women date dead beat baby daddies. It’s highly likely you’ll be able to prevent him from keeping her overnight if he doesn’t have adequate set up for her to sleep but he’ll be granted visits. Just push for every other.
You go to friend of the court first and get the ball rolling and tell then exactly this. And that this person who is dating your x you know nothing about and would like to start with supervised visits because of this person.
I would say yes, he will get some custody. Also, you will get some child support as well that could help. Let the judge know he isn’t prepared with items for the baby. They can do a home evaluation and go from there.
I doubt his visitation would be supervised. He would have to be deemed an unfit parent as far as I know. Advice I was given…WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN AND GET A LAWYER! Best of luck
Yes he will get some custody. He’s he dad. Whether you like it or not, he deserves to have his child and your child deserves their dad. Don’t be like that.
You guys will have joint custody. Suck it up
If he’s not a alcoholic (or drug addict), like mine, you know she’s safe with him, that he would never put her in harms way, and does what he’s supposed to (feed her, change her, nap time) I don’t see a issue
I think that the father should see the kid but make sure they have running water and heat. If the guy can’t help provide for his kid, hopefully he can pay his bills. Maybe he’ll start helping financially if he sees her more. Hopefully you all can get to a place where there’s respect and no arguing so the kid won’t have to see that.
Sorry courts won’t give you what you want because you don’t like her, you have to PROVE they’re unfit
It really doesn’t matter what you feel comfortable with. The court makes decisions based on the best interest of the child. Provide your facts not opinions and ask for child support and primary physical custody.
The chances of getting shared custody especially if he files and obviously wants it, are good. What is your issue? You seem more concerned about the new gf and how much money he has spent than you do about his relationship with his daughter. I understand your concerns, but if you chose to have a baby with someone who doesn’t have their shit together you cannot hold it against him now?! Why do women do that? They get with a guy, he’s totally good enough to sleep with and have unprotected sex with, but all of a sudden after you break up, he’s no good for your child… smh. You don’t know how to take care of a child any more than he does, you are learning and so is he, he has a different way of doing things than you do and what happens in most cases, is if the other parent doesn’t do things exactly how you want them, then you say their are unfit, you want supervised visitation, you don’t like their significant other, ect. but… if they were with you, you would help them learn how to do things, be forgiving and accept all their flaws and differences on how they do things for your child. Aside from neglect, drug use, physical/emotional abuse and filth there is no reason to warrant supervised visitation or not sharing custody with the other parent. He wants shared custody so he can do what he can to raise her on his own, on his time, on his dime, and not have to jump through hoops to please you and do everything your way… let the new father be a new father and learn the joys of that through trial and error, like we all do!.
My mom and dad went through a similar situation while duking it out for custody of me. From what stories I’ve gathered from both sides, my dad wasnt fit to have custody of me. The courts still granted him shared, he got me every other weekend, every other holiday, and the first 6 weeks of summer. He will probably get custody if he fights hards enough.
Ma’am, you really need to consult an attorney. Custody and child support laws vary from state to state. You need to explain your legal rights and obligations in this matter.
Often, the first consultation is at no charge because it acts like an interview for you and for the attorney. Also, in some places they have legal clinics where the rates are based on a sliding scale (depends on income) for civil cases-which this would be.
Its possible but I wouldn’t let it be so. Does not seem very kid friendly environment
Hun do your best for your child and forget him, he must not care or he would be more into helping to raise her.
Idc what some of you all have to say. Father or not he needs to own up to half responsibility. Regardless who has custody. Keep screenshots any physical evidence you have to take to court to prove he’s not equipped to take her. I broke up with my sons father when he was 3 months old. Him an his whole family are naracissit an after have lived with them I know what they were capable of. So I filed Sole physical an legal custody with him having visitation in my presences. He then thought he could file an get joint, so I filed to have his dismissed. I went to the dismissal hearing ( he didn’t show up) so it was dismissed. 6 months later he doesn’t show up to final court just like he didn’t any other court dates so I got granted what I filed for. He didn’t see his son all last yr and only 7 times this yr and only for 2 hrs max at a time. To this day (he’s 2 yrs almost 5 months old) and he’s only bought diapers; not even his family has bought him anything no birthday no Christmas either). They have no room nothing for him where they live (his father lives with his parents cause mental disability save the judging) no car or car seat either. I filed for my sons safety. Go file first, then it will be based off your case. Hid gf has no say in anything to do with your daughter. I have a bf and luckily he respects me and doesn’t ask or interfer with things regarding his father or my son.