Hey mamas I have a dilemma and need some advice. Please keep negative comments to yourselves.
So’m 20 weeks pregnant and I’m in the process of moving in with my boyfriend (not the biological father). He wants my baby and I in his life and I’ve accepted that he will pretty much be my baby’s dad. He has offered to sign the birth certificate and give my son his last name. Well, I haven’t brought it up to the biological dad because basically he’s been ignoring me since he has a girlfriend. I sent him sonogram pictures and he had absolutely nothing to say. He is supposed to be helping me with my monthly doctor bill but he hasn’t done so either. I don’t want to ask him for anything because his family is nagging him about the baby possibly not being his. I know for a fact 100% it’s his but we’ll be doing a dna test at birth anyways. In my state, he basically has no rights until the birth certificate is signed which is another reason why I haven’t told him I’m moving. I don’t really want his family involved as they’re mostly made up of very negative people, drug addicts, mom is in and out of the psychward, aunts and uncles are mean and judgemental and he’s always “too busy” to even remember that the baby and I exist. If I don’t put him on the birth certificate, I lose my chance of getting child support and he has no obligations or rights to the baby. If I do, then I have to deal with these negative people that I really don’t like and don’t want near my child. I don’t want him near drug addicts and strangers who are always in and out of the family’s homes. I absolutely trust my boyfriend and his family to care for my son, they’ve treated me with so much respect although they all know the truth. What advice can y’all give me?
36 Likes
If your boyfriend wants to step up and the bio dad doesn’t… let him step up… you can’t force a man to be a father… and you don’t need any of that… child support is irrelevant if the baby grows up with a dad who cares
14 Likes
Is the little bit of child support you may or may not get every month worth worrying about him taking care of you child or your child being around these people? To me, it wouldn’t be. IF he decides he wants to be in the baby’s life, make him take you to court.
11 Likes
Look up the good cause I think it is
Personally if I was u I would leave it blank. As it’s a legal document u could face a fine or even jail. For putting ur new boyfriend on it no in his not the biological father. As did the biological father if u leave it blank he will have no rights
6 Likes
If he chooses later on to be a part of that child’s life you can get in serious trouble for having your boyfriend sign the bc knowing he is not the father. If he’s ignoring you then let him ignore you. Leave the father space blank and go about your day
3 Likes
I think you should be living by yourself.
20weeks isnt that much of a time to build a soild relationship with a guy, especially since you’ve just recently got out of a relationship.
12 Likes
Stay away from those people , he may able to give child support but in future it will be a worse thing .
Honestly fuck him🤷♀️ he obviously doesn’t want anything to do with a baby. And you have someone who does.
I’d just cut out the biological father conpletely. If he’s ignoring u, then ignore him. Especially since ur bf is all in and his family is too. Don’t even bother with the child support. Have the baby and live as if it is ur and ur bfs.
3 Likes
If your bf wants to step up let him the biological dad can’t confess up then he doesn’t deserve him or her
2 Likes
Darling, go where the love is, the rest don’t matter.
5 Likes
Half the time they don’t even pay the child support. Is it all worth the trouble and the possibility of him running in and out of your son’s life and letting him grow up with a family like that?
4 Likes
The first step is to find out if bio dad wants anything to do with the baby. Tell him the option about your current boyfriend. If he says that he doesn’t want anything yo do with the baby then let your child have a dad that really wants him/her. Blood does not make family. Love and support do.
2 Likes
It’s illegal to put someone’s name on a bc that you absolutely know is not the father. And if he requests a dna they would change the bc anyways and then you’d really be in trouble since all he would have to do is show the texts and pictures you sent. Now you could talk to him about giving up his rights so your bf could adopt the child. Otherwise leave it blank but unfortunately if you are receiving any state aid you will have to claim bio dad as the father unless he personally poses a violent threat towards you or your child.
4 Likes
Honestly I’ve been through this same thing I got with my boyfriend when I was 27 weeks pregnant and he accepted us and wanted to be her father I didn’t put him on the birth certificate though I put her real dad. Her real dad hasn’t bought her anything except a pack of diapers and wipes well me and my boyfriend broke up when she was 4 months old and he lived with me so it was a good thing I didn’t put him on there so just be careful
5 Likes
My sons bio father was like that. He denied my son from the moment I told him I was pregnant. I walked away. No child support no help nothing. In the end it was worth it. I know my son is safe and he his bio dad has no rights ( didn’t sign the birth certificate) I am much happier on my own with my son. It’s hard but worth it. Do what you feel is right. Good luck ![:heart: :heart:](https://answers.mamasuncut.com/images/emoji/google/heart.png?v=12)
3 Likes
I wouldn’t let the other I sign just in case. Things could go south.
On the other note, I got with my husband when I was 20 weeks pregnant. We’ve been together for four years. After the others rights were terminated we court ordered a name change so my son carries my husbands last name.
Before him I was with a guy and he wanted to sign and etc. but he turned out crazy
so I’m glad I never let him sign because of the risks and negative things I would have brought into my sons life.
My ex husband was not present and he didn’t get to sign the birth certificate but we were able to still terminate rights.
Good luck
1 Like
None of them should be on the birth certificate IMO. If your boyfriend wants to adopt the child later he always can, this is not something you have to rush, let him prove that he will be a good father figure and actually step up first.
9 Likes
My oppion I would just write him and hia family off in my mind and move forward with your life with your current. Screw child support its not worth it if you have a supportive loving healthy partner willing to step up. If it was ur current bfs child you wouldnt be asking for help with doctors bills and hes willing to call this child his… Just saying
3 Likes
wouldnt put boyfriends name on, even if bio-dad doesnt have name on birth certificate DNA will give him fathers rights. where i am blood dad can persue custody
I can only say do what you feel is right. It’s a tough spot you’re in. There may be ongoing issues with whatever you decide and you’ll have to figure out if those are issues you are willing to deal with.
Family dynamics are hard but in the end, this is your child. The bio dad has a choice too. I’m thankful your bf is stepping up to the plate with this new life. Not many men will do that.
It’ll be ok, take care of yourself and know that that baby will be loved no matter what ![:smiling_face_with_three_hearts: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:](https://answers.mamasuncut.com/images/emoji/google/smiling_face_with_three_hearts.png?v=12)
2 Likes
LEAVE IT BLANK!!! Save yourself the hassle and heartache (from State being the way they are) give that baby YOUR last name. Remember, it can always be changed later. Good luck momma. ![:blush: :blush:](https://community.muparents.com/images/emoji/google/blush.png?v=12)
13 Likes
Keep the druggies out of your life. You will be thankful for it trust me. Your new boyfriend will have to sign an acknowledgement of paternity since you’re not married if he wants to be put on the birth certificate so that’s completely up to you two, but I wouldnt put someone on the birth certificate that wasnt actually the father. What happens if you two dont work out? He would then have rights even if not biologically his because of the documentation signed and that’s exactly how the court will see it.
7 Likes
Only do it if you know 100% that new man is going to be there for you and baby abd you will be married. Sounds like baby will only be exposed to toxic crap with bio dad. Good luck
1 Like
Playing devils advocate here if I was the ex and my ex girlfriend at 20 weeks pregnant was moving in with her new boyfriend I would be hesitant in thinking I was 100% the father.
I would wait until the baby is born and get the DNA test and if he’s the father give him the opportunity to step up.
If he doesn’t and wants to relinquish his rights then take the avenue of the new boyfriend taking parental rights.
3 Likes
He can take you to court, request paternity tests and get his god given rights to HIS child. Smh y’all are crazy. Signing a legal document knowing damn well that kid ain’t his is illegal. Also, what if y’all don’t work out? Now you have two “dads” to try and scam for support, take to court to get that mess situated and who knows what else. Girls, get your lives together before laying down and making a baby! ![:woman_facepalming:t2: :woman_facepalming:t2:](https://answers.mamasuncut.com/images/emoji/google/woman_facepalming/2.png?v=12)
Give the baby your name. If the current boyfriend is serious, consider letting him be the father.
5 Likes
Don’t put any name on. Adoptions can be done if your relationship works out. Think about your child and the future not just right now. Anyone you put on there then has permanent rights.
7 Likes
There will never be enough money to raise a child. Forget the bio dad. He wants nothing to do with either of you. Move in with your bf. He’s the man you need for you and your baby, you dont need the money.
1 Like
Leave it blank!!! If the bio dad takes you to court and you put your BF on the birth certificate knowing he wasn’t the father and knowing who was you can actually be in trouble!!
1 Like
Dont put anybody down, yes your bf may be great and all but you’re just now moving in with him and you’re not even engaged. Don’t make permanent decisions for your child on what could possibly be a temporary man. If you do end up marrying this man then he can adopt. Child support isn’t ever guaranteed, don’t rely on it as a steady income. Hell he might not even pay it at all. Almost 3 years here with no child support and it’s judge ordered. If he doesn’t want to be in your baby’s life then let him be. Can’t force anybody to be a good father. If he wants to come around in the future then do a paternity then, but make his ass take you to court. Don’t go out of your way because you’ll end up disappointed and your child will be stuck visiting a parent that doesn’t give a shit
If the bio dad isn’t involved then just leave the father name blank. If you break up then a man who isn’t your child’s father will have the same rights as you and can take your child if he wants and there will be both you can do about it because he is the legal father. You have not been together long enough to know how he really is or if he’s actually going to be there. If you want to be a family then be one but don’t give a man you’ve only been with a few months rights over you’re baby.
1 Like
Let your bf take the role if he wants it trust me
Your baby has a right to know all of its family, even the people you may not like. Biological relationships are important, those people are part of who your baby fundamentally is and will be. Also, signing the birth certificate doesn’t mean anything if the biological father decides he wants a DNA test. He can have one done and have himself added to the birth certificate, giving him legal rights. My advice would be to wait until closer to your due date and discuss it with the dad, if he genuinely doesn’t want to be around then odds are he wouldn’t have any issues with it, and if he’s against it then it would be better to not do it since he can always have a DNA test to fix it anyways.
1 Like
Leave it blank till you and ur boyfriend have been together for a while. Trust me i made that mistake. My 22mo old has my ex bf on her b.c. and he isnt the bio and its a headache to get him off of it now bcuz he refuses to sign anything etc. I now have to get a lawyer and petition the courts for dna which i know my ex will refuse to do even tho he knows he isnt her bio.
In all honesty, I’d be hesitant to believe I was the father if my ex was already moving in with a boyfriend and only 20 weeks pregnant. I’d not put anyone on the BC. This relationship you’re in now is so new and there’s no telling if it’s going to last.
9 Likes
Give the baby your last name and move on. If he isn’t helping you now or paying any attention chances are he won’t when the baby is born either. Let him be a deadbeat and don’t look back.
3 Likes
Either put the bio or leave it blank …i couldnt deal with the guilt of starting my kids life with a lie knowing id put a different person as the dad. Your boyfriend can later adopt your baby if the bio dad wants nothing to do with it. Your baby has rights too, you cant forget that even with all the issues u have with your ex and his family. It cant just b about what u want.
3 Likes
Leave it blank. The child will share your last name. Don’t rush or make hormone induced decisions. Love is grand! If it is pure & lasting wait. Your child will be 5 before entering school. Before school starting you can add the dad (choice or biological) to the birth certificate then.
1 Like
Don’t have him sign the bc. Don’t give your child his last name.
1 Like
Honestly if this was me… the way he sounds, I wouldn’t want him around.
I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate… ask him to sign over his rights… idk if u still have to do that even though he’s not on the birth certificate…
But I also wouldn’t put the bfs name either. Leave it blank…
4 Likes
Leave it blank. Give the baby your last name. In a year or so, if you and the boyfriend are still good and he still wants to be the legal father he can adopt the baby. Go about it the correct and legal way to avoid any trouble.
9 Likes
Sorry to hear mommy but sad fact… If he isn’t helping with the docters bill now he’s not going to help with child support either… The REAL DADDY is not always the biological dad but the dad that steps up and take responsibility and loves your child… Strongs
4 Likes
Neither person on the birth certificate and your last name
5 Likes
Go with your heart tells you. If boyfriend is willing to accept the baby then let him be the dad. The baby don’t need all that drama in his life as he grows up. And maybe not treated right at the real dad’s family. You feel me. Good bless you hope everything works out for you
1 Like
Do not let your new bf sign the birth cert. he ain’t the daddy and things may not work out
Also the really daddy will have no rights and could use this against you in the future.
Just leave it blank and if things get really serious with your new bf then you can go about putting his name on it but for now do not do it you will regret it later
5 Likes
I would just leave it blank. If bio dads family is full of drug addicts, make sure you get proof now, because I believe, at least in my state, you can start the court process now while pregnant. Actually, I think your best bet is to get a free consultation with a lawyer to discuss options. Like others have said, relationships aren’t always forever. Your boyfriend may stay but he also may not. If you guys get married & dad is still not in the picture, your boyfriend (husband by then) can adopt your child
5 Likes
Hunny if the child and you are going to be better off without the (as I like to put it) " sperm donor" and this other man is serious and this relationship is going to progress. You can get the " sperm donor" to sign his rights away. And then this other guy can be put on the birth certificate
1 Like
You can put whoever you choose on the birth certificate . If you ever have to legally get childsupport they will DNA test at that time and whoever is the bio dad would have to pay.
Leave it blank. I went through this with my daughter. Started dating someone and right after I found out I was pregnant. He said he wanted to be with me and take on the role of father. He wanted to sign the birth certificate and I agreed. Every time we would fight he would remind me that she wasn’t his. And then we broke up when she was two and now she’s about to start school. And I’m having to go thru a lot of extra steps because her birth certificate has someone on it that is not her father and not in our lives but it still says it. If he signs it then he will legally be the father. Trust me it’s best to leave it blank. Then if you and your boyfriend decide to get married then he can adopt the baby.
1 Like
Dump the babydaddy, what make s you think your going to get child support from the turd even if his name is on the birth certificate. So forget him and move on with your plans. To this turd you were just a one night stand.
3 Likes
If you are not married, do not give that child anyone’s last name but yours. Point blank.
9 Likes
I wouldnt have anyone on the certificate. If it comes to the point where you and your SO are that committed for life then he can adopt the child. Its early still and im not saying that isnt the case now. All im saying is this could get messy real real fast.
1 Like
All bio dad has to do is request paternity from the courts and then it doesn’t matter what you have done, he will be on the birth certificate so I’d leave it blank and hope he goes away if that’s what you want.
1 Like
Let the boyfriend sign the birth certificate and be the father he wants to be and then no more worrys enjoy your family
Really girl don’t tell him anything nothing move leave never look back give you an baby a new life a real daddy give the boy friend your new life give him his name never tell anyone you are even in labor piss on the old life not much of a life for you or your new baby you maybe always have to deal with hell as long as he is in your babies deceitful hell no what is is he leaving you an your unborn baby to take care of yourself because he is a sorry low rent Pace I don’t see any space
1 Like
Let your bf sign. The dad and his family sound like they aren’t worth having around and if your bf wants your baby then he will be a good dad and help financially.
1 Like
Leave daddy blank… forfeit the possible future child support (which likely won’t happen anyways) for the sake of your sanity and your baby’s well being.
5 Likes
If you do a DNA test it will put his name in the certificate like it or not. It’s best to leave it blank and see how things work out. Cut the bio father out and forget he exists or be tied to him for the rest of your life, sharing your child, important events, holidays, graduations and wedding as well as grandchildren with his family. Wait to see who stays for the long run if you decide later your eventual husband can adopt.
2 Likes
So I have a question maybe someone can answer… if you knowingly put someone else’s name on the birth certificate (with full knowledge they are not the biological dad) is that fraud?
Why not leave the Bc blank? Ok then you have the the option to get child support later down the line or you could ask for termination of rights.
Also… I understand that you completely trust your boyfriend and his family… but you really have only been with him a short time unless you cheated on him and got pregnant by someone else, and that brings another whole set of issues. 18 weeks ago you had sex with someone else, how can you know that this current relationship is going to last so long that you feel comfortable to put yourself and most importantly your child in the position to be someone else’s forever responsibility???
9 Likes
Phones work both ways. Stop contacting him and sending him doc updates. See if he ever responds or asks anything. If not then id let him be. Wait till dna. When it shows he is dad then he will know if he wants to be involved or not. Maybe he thinks its not his and doesn’t want to get emotionally involved to be let down. If he really doesnt seem to want to be involved after DNA then just ask him to give up rights. But I would leave BC blank until after DNA and y’all sort out whats what. Best of luck to you and baby
1 Like
Personally I wouldn’t put a father’s name…give your child your last name. I’m assuming that your current boyfriend is a fairly new relationship…and not long enough to know how he will really be (they all seem great in the beginning). Even if you’ve known him as a friend, a lot changes behind closed doors. If he’s going to help you raise your child…great…if he is going to help financially…great…but he does not need to be on a birth certificate to do that. If and when you get married to him then have him legally adopt him. Not to mention later in life you may have to explain to your child…no our last names are not the same…your father is “A” and I was involved with “B” when I had you so I gave you his name and now you have to carry his name even though we aren’t together anymore.
3 Likes
Do NOT put your boyfriends name on that babies birth certificate. Very naive.
2 Likes
Fan adds
Karen🍒
Current boyfriend and I have known each other for a few years. He pursued me romantically after I got pregnant so he knows the whole story about my ex and his toxic family.
3 Likes
Ask biodad to sign his rights over, and let your bf step in, but dont have either of them sign the birth certificate. Your bf isn’t your husband, yet. Get in a better place, see where your current relationship goes, and then think about letting your man adopt your child!
3 Likes
LEAVE IT BLANK
Baby dad is shitty.
Boyfriend and you could break up. Then he may not want anything to do with you or baby. Then you’d have a whole legal thing going on to get him taken off the certificate.
But if you two(or whoever)work out and get married, he could adopt the baby then if he wants.
If they are bad people whyyy get pregnant?? DNA comes out baby is his a he has to do is sign birth certificate…then those bad people you chose will be around the baby
My daughter only has one parent on her birth certificate for this exact reason. The child support would barely cover the therapy bills required by forcing those people into her life. We’re 100% better off waiting until her true Father shows up.
1 Like
It doesnt matter how long you’ve know your bf, hes not your husband nor the bio father. If you have him sign the birth certificate you are entering an entire level of legal issues that is needed. Dont open that child up to more drama and Bs than needed.
My daughters father left wen I was pregnant so only my name on her birth cert. I wouldn’t even dream of putting someone who I was only just with on it. Once married then yes but otherwise hell no
No-one but the biological parents should be on a birth certificate!!! Give the child your last name. No offense but you don’t know how long current boyfriend will last.
1 Like
money doesnt mean anything when it comes to the safety and life of your child…you will always make what you need to work with the baby, dont worry about the only reason having the Bio dad on there for child support, cause it seems you already have your actual support system, you, your current boyfriend and family, and dont have to fight them to be around… forget the past and just bring your baby up with the loving people you two already have
1 Like
If he’s not helping with dr bills then seriously doubt he’ll actually pay child support either. Skip the dna test and put who you want on the birth certificate, but if you put the bf he can be held liable for child support if you break up
1 Like
Just wanted to point out it’s illegal and you can get a fine and possible jail time if you knowing have a man who is not the father sign the birth certificate. I’d leave the father blank and give baby your last name and if later down the road your boyfriend wants to adopt the child go from there.
I wouldn’t put the bf as father. But leave it blank and just let bf take care of you and your son. In a few years you can name change his last name or he can legally adopt to have more rights if something were to happen to you (God forbid). Name change is cheaper. As a matter of fact. My mom changed my last name to match my dads name when I was 5. It was paperwork at the social security office. She said it was easy. It didn’t change my last name on my bc though. Only changed my name on my ss card and allowed me to use that name my entire life.
1 Like
I would leave it blank and move on with your life if the baby was to ask later on be honest with him/her and tell them the story that you have just told us. The child will understand and if later your still with the new bf then think about him adopting the baby. Meanwhile do what you feel in your heart is best for you and your family. God bless
1 Like
I never put new bf on birth certificate that’s more power to him if anything happens between two he will take you court and thing gose downhill. And if baby dad ain’t helping well that’s his choice and his path. Do what you think is best for yourself and baby.
If he has basically flipped u off before a tiny human needing u to do everything for them what makes you think he won’t continue to flip you off once it’s here
Don’t have either sign the Birth Certificate. Nothing is wrong with using YOUR last name.
3 Likes
This is a decision you need to make, plain and simple. But personally, regardless of how awesome the new man in your life is, I wouldn’t let him sign. If you can’t make a decision, don’t put down a father. If you get married to bf and bio dad doesn’t want involved, u can always change it later.
4 Likes
I wouldn’t put his name. I wouldn’t even continue including him. He’s not required to pay child support until a dna test is done anyway. Just think about the best life for you baby. Also I think I’d be upset with my mom if I found out the man on my birth certificate wasn’t actually my real father. But I would understand why she chose to leave it blank
3 Likes
You trusted your ex once.
If you don’t want those adults in your babies life because they are on drugs and crazy… trust yourself. If they aren’t making an effort to be in your child’s life or are acting like this child is a burden instead of a blessing your child is better off. They won’t change. I wouldn’t put anyone but yourself on the birth certificate and when you and your bf have been together longer have him legally adopt your son. But I wouldn’t give your sons paternal bio family any more pictures or info unless they ask and seem to want to be interested. Just because he’s ordered to pay child support doesn’t mean he will pay anything anyways. Save your baby the heartache and don’t worry about that part.
4 Likes
LOs biological father isn’t on BC is still forced to pay CS. My boyfriend has been there since she was 10 months and well accepted her as his. But unless we got married he wouldn’t ask to be placed on the BC.
Let the bd go and not tell him a damn thing you will thank yourself later… Sounds like your bf is all on board for you and baby… If bd doesn’t want anything to do with baby and his family says its not his then don’t do a test to show that it is because that will give him rights to the baby if he decides to be a jackass later on…
Move forward mama, if he were interested, he would have already stepped up. Hold your head up, and don’t look back!
1 Like
Just you sign certificate and if things work out with bf and you get married. Have him adopt her. Till then just you. If bio father has no interest in child leave him off. But be aware if he decides to claim your child later on, he can order a DNA test and have rights. Just be prepared for that if by some chance he changes his mind
5 Likes
It’s never a good idea to put a man who’s not the father on the BC that is just a boyfriend… later in life he can adopt. Besides the actual father has to sign over all rights before someone else can sign that. He can take you to court and it will get ugly very fast… be careful with all of that… it shouldn’t be hard if the baby’s father wants no part. Good luck
3 Likes
Please don’t put you bf on the birth certificate. My niece did this and she wanted to leave the relationship and he wouldn’t let her take her child and said he was going to get custody of child and get child support from her. He is very controlling and would keep the child from his biological family. You can leave bc blank and he can be your child’s dad, just not legally.
4 Likes
My husband’s family did this. The biological father was named on the birth certificate, but he never signed. He was then adopted by his stepfather when his mother married him. They never let him know that though until he was 11. Besides that family secret being a psychological mess, I would do the same, just not keep it a secret. If they grow up knowing who the biological parent is, but know who the real parent is, its more likely they will be well rounded and less drama over authority would happen.
2 Likes
My ex conned me into doing this exact thing with my daughter. He now gets to try to turn my daughter that is not his in any way against me during a messy split and his revenge
2 Likes
Leave the birth certificate blank of a fathers name. When you do a dna they will give him rights regardless. Do not send baby for visitation time until you have a court order or dad could get custody. You DO NOT have to list a dad on the birth certificate
I would definitely not add my new BF’s name to the certificate. If you guys get married and he adopts your baby, then he would be recognized on paper as being his/her father. So there’s no need to add him on the BC.
I would probably add the real BD’s name on it- just because I wouldn’t want my child to find out the truth and it damage our relationship. A lie is never good.
Side note: In California if you’re not married and the father is not present, you cannot add his name on the BC anyway- your state might carry the same rules.
One of the points of a birth certificate is to track bloodlines. Putting a name on the certificate that is not the correct bloodline is fraud, it’s illegal. If it ever came to court you would be in a ton of trouble for fraud on a government document.
3 Likes
Just don’t have either sign it.
2 Likes
Follow your heart it sounds like you have best intentions for you and the baby. You have to keep the baby’s best interest, so follow what your heart is telling you.
You can not put his name on the birth certificate. He has to physically be there and do it. If he cares enough to show up and do this then I would give him a chance since he is the father. Being on the BC still gives him no rights, he has to be legitimized and all you need is a DNA sample to get child support.
Your child’s well being is more important then child support. As for the last name I would go with yours and it can be changed later on when you and your boyfriend are more serious down the road
move away mama.
3 Likes
Dont put him in the birth certificate or use his last name if he aint the biological father… point blank… thatd be the most ridiculous thing you could EVER do… give baby your last name and leave the father blank…
3 Likes