I am pregnant with my fiancé’s baby. We often argue about what each one should do. What should our roles be financial, work, house, chores, etc? Like what is supposed to be okay?
Everyone helps with everything!!! teamwork positivity encouragment:clap:
What ever works for you and your husband. Every relationship is different. Personally in my house I did all house hold things because my husband works long hard hours. I was lucky to be a le to stay home the 1st seven years of my sons life.
Everyone helps, split it evenly between everyone.
That’s something you need to sit down together and decide. What’s right for someone else isn’t always right for everyone. You’re both adults so act like it and work things out.
Financial both work together on the bills, both work cause it takes 2 incomes to make ends meet house chores split down the middle when baby comes both work together to help mom with the baby
That will not be up to anyone but you two. And it will change as you both change. The bottom line is you two are a team and need to get on the same page.
Like everything in a relationship you need to find what works for you. My husband works and I take care of the kids. If I need help he helps me if he needs help I help him. We are a team.
I think equals. Bills should be 50/50. Chores should be equal amounts. Like I know I’m stuck doing dishes because that is just NOT something he does. Lol. 2 times in 7 years.
Whatever works before baby comes may not work so well after baby comes be open to changing what the plan is nothing is going to go 100% to plan so don’t expect it to
What ever makes the house run happily and efficiently.
Team work makes the dream work. We have 4 kids and both work full time. I cook dinner he gives bathes I clean the kitchen and put the kiddos to bed and he cleans the living room… this is every single night. Laundry, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, bathrooms all of that is done 50/50… what I don’t get done on my day off he will do on his day off. This is what works for us… he has certain bills he pays and I pay certain bills.
Whatever you BOTH think is fair. With me and my husband, it has changed over the years, depending on who was doing what. When I was working PT, I did more of the household chores. When he was working PT, he did. Both working we both do stuff.
You need to find out what works for you! I am currently 32 weeks with twins and have a toddler. Once they are born I will be at home full time so financially it will be on my S/O as I won’t be working. We figured child care cost for 3 kids with two infants were not worth it, as everything I would be making would be going to child care. Plus I plan on nursing so it will be easier for me to be home. You need to sit down and discuss what is going to work best for you both as once the baby gets here things will change.
If he has a problem with doing anything around the house (cleaning, cooking, etc.) then he’s…expecting you to be his mom and maid. You need to decide if that’s what you want for the rest of your life. Or discuss it now with him and explain why housework and cooking is 50/50, especially if y’all both work.
My fiancé and I both pull our weight around the house , I often do more because he works a lot , but he never has a issue helping out with anything
There is no specific role beyond what you two are comfortable with but that’s the key phrase… you TWO need to be comfortable with it. Both of you must be on the same page. Whether that means one stay at home parent (mom or dad), two working parents, shared chores, etc… it shouldn’t be an argument. Every relationship and every household is different and will work differently and nobody outside of your relationship has a right to tell you if you’re doing it “wrong.”
If you’re going to be a stay at home then you should be doing the majority of cleaning and dinner etc but on his days off he should help also. He should offer to watch baby too for you can go relax in tub or bedroom after he gets home too for you can destress
Sit down and write everything that needs done, big and small from laundry, sorting, folding, putting away, dishes, washing, putting them away, cooking, sweeping, moping, vacuuming, cleaning the toilet, cleaning the tub/shower, taking out the garbage, lawn care, changing the baby, feeding the baby, cooking, sit down and write it all down and decide how you will split it up. Are you going to be a stay at home mom, or are you going to work? Weigh outside work and things that need to be done at home and figure out what is fair for both of you, keep in mind you will have days where one will have to step up and do more than normal. If he is working outside of the home and you are staying home yes you should be doing most of the house work, but he should at least help with the baby when he is home, and he should help on his days off such as take over baby care. If you both work outside of the house then figure out a good splitting of chores. Financially things should be split evenly if you are both working. If one of you is better at making sure bills are paid then that person should do so. In my house we have separate bank accounts, my guy gives me his half of the bills and I pay the bills, that is what works for us.
My husband and I split house work, we both work, both parent…we are a team.
There isn’t one set way that works for every house. You have to find what works for your house and stick with it, understanding that you may need to make adjustments along the way. With my work, I set my own hours, but my husband works full time offshore, so he is gone for weeks at a time. With our house, it would never work to have certain things set aside as his responsibility, because we never know when he’ll be home or gone. When he’s gone, he’s in the middle of the ocean on a shutdown rig and has no service or WiFi. Therefore, it’s my job to make sure the bills are taken care of and the house is clean and run properly. I couldn’t expect him to have any actual responsibilities there, because he might not even be home. When he is home though, he takes care of any and everything that I need him to, no matter what it is. I know that he works hard and sacrifices a lot for his job, and he knows that I work hard to run my own business and manage our house and kids. We both respect that and know what works for us, but I know that that’s not how it works in many other households. You both just have to sit down and have a conversation about setting realistic expectations and then follow through with them
Oh hun, every couple is different in this situation so the only advice I can offer is to draw up what future goals you have, figure out a game plan and just divide house hold chores and switch off so it’s not boring.
We both work full time and we both take care of the kids and house. We are a partnership. There have been times just one of us works and we try to pick up the slack but to be honest raising kids is just as hard as working outside the home so we don’t do the one person does all the housework and one person works. If it needs to be done we do it. I personally couldn’t be in a relationship where the man works and the woman just takes care of the kids/house. We also share a bank account and the money in it 50/50 regardless of who is working at the time.
Its all about what works for you. My fiance works, and I am a stay at home mom (was supposed to start cna classes a month ago but couldnt due to a ruuptured ectopic pregnancy a week before the start date and it caused me not to be able to lift more than 10 lbs for a few weeks) but ive been a stay at home mom since I was pregnant to now 3 years later. I care four our son and our animals at home while hes working and as far as cleaning goes it just depends who feels like doing what day to day. We dont have any set things we each do days. Mainky the only thing he does that i wont do is burn trash because I dont like messing eith fire. Even as far as caring for our son at least 6/10 times I do whatever needs done but if im not on top of it he steps in and does whTever needs done. I just usually beat him to it lol.
All of us do everything.
Our oldest is an adult now, so there are 3 adults and 2 kids.
See something that needs doing? DO IT. Ask for help you need it.
We all live here.
My husband and I work full time. We both come home and we each help with dinner, cleaning, or whatever needs to be done. Sometimes one does dinner and the other cleans. Re our kids…we each spend time with them and care for them as they are our kids…even if i was a stay at home parent, when he arrives home from work, he still helps with the housework and he parents our kids…its never ending.
You need to discuss the expectations you have of each other.
These are things you have to negotiate between you. Besides Love, honor and cherish its all up for negotiation
Whatever yall decide on is whats “okay”…right now im working and my wife is at home all day. She takes care of the house but i have no problem with coming home and making dinner(Im the cook in our house) shell take care of the dishes…but we dont necessarily have specific “roles” we are going through this world together. People say marriage is 50/50…i agree on some days. But theres days she can only give me 30% and i make up the other 70% for us to pull the weight and she does so for me. The “okay” things are whats right for you guys. You just have to communicate calmly.
Y’all have to figure something out between the two of you. If you both work, divide the household chores and taking care of the baby. If he works and you stay home, maybe do most of the housework but give him his own daily chores so he’s still contributing? Idk.
I am a stay at home mom. I do most of the chores and housework as well but my husband cooks dinner and mows the lawn occasionally. He also works and makes the income. I stay home and take care of the kids
Me and my fiance argue all the time over this stuff. He works and i stay home ( im high risk pregnancy and high risk to catch covid) He comes home and plays videogames for 10+ hours. Which i dont care really. But being 21 weeks pregnant i dont have the energy to clean and do everything so once in awhile i flip about him helping a little ( like do a sink load of dishes or take trash out) He likes to mess with me and get me flustered, but he still ends up helping out every once in awhile
I just do whatever I can when I visit my boyfriend. He has his own place, but I do like to help out here and there, he always cooks for us though and we shop together. We do basically all the chores together sometimes.
Well it’s all about being fair to each other, so say if you both earn different amount of money, say you earn the most I’d say you pay more because if you split it he may not have enough money for his self, or other way around, if it’s cleaning then it goes by work schedules and who works most and the person who works less needs to clean a little bit more or if you both the same work load then splitting it would work well maybe do a cleaning rota, and if you both have children together then forget it you be broke living in a dump jokes!
There is no way it should be done. Every relationship, household and so on has a different balance.
Just find your balance, no one can tell you guys how to do it.
The two of you could discuss, with a list in hand, what needs to be done and take it from there. Every household is run according to the family’s priorities and agreed shared responsibilities. Congratulations on the baby and good luck.
My son’s dad / boyfriend is the financial support and I take care of the house and our son. My boyfriend will do his own laundry and wash dishes once in a while and take our son out for daddy/son dates to give me a break
Depends on job situation i would say. My husband works a lot more hours then I do so I end up doing more errands and chores then him. But he definitely still helps with a lot, anything heavy duty, and when I’m tired he will make dinner and such. We try to make it even.
Don’t make it hard, if you both work compromise. If your husband does the outside chores, mow the yard, wash cars, take garbage out then then you should do the majority of the inside chores. Both pick a night and grocery shopping together. Pregnancy didn’t slow me down at all. As long as your healthy the exercise is great. But take time together and do things outside of the to keep the romance alive. Don’t argue over silly household chores. I’ve been married 38 yrs and love it. Raised two sons wouldn’t change it for the world. Best of luck with your up coming baby.
It depends on the house. Everybody is different. We own 4 tow trucks and have a 13,12 and 2 year old. Some nights I go some nights he goes, we both try and clean when he’s home. I work at home and the shop with the 2 year old so it all realy depends on who is doing what and mat leave
We both work full time and have hours that vary by work load, time of year and client demands. We have a 2 year old and are expecting our second in June. We sit down on Sunday and say “what can you commit to this week? What can i commit to? How should we split the remaining?” Some weeks I do a lot, some weeks he does a lot and some weeks it’s pretty even. We remember to stay flexible- we are a team. Love the winter though bc he does most of the cooking bc he loves instant pot and slow cooker meals!
Every two people are very different and even circumstances are different I used to stay at home and I took care of everything. But now I work full-time so it’s split more evenly. We tend to do the things we don’t hate and the other person takes on the things we do hate. Example my husband puts away the laundry but I do it all. He grocery shops and I plan what to cook and buy but I usually cook. Things like that. Whatever works for you two be patient though it may take time.
Everything is both of y’alls responsibility. If you start splitting hairs, it will never end. If something needs to be done, do it. Don’t put it off for him as he shouldn’t put it off for you. As far as who will work or stay home (if that’s what’s in question) y’all will have to weigh the pros and cons and decide who is the better choice. It definitely shouldn’t be an argument though. It should be an open, honest discussion as a team to figure out how to accomplish tasks and progress forward.
Whatever works for the two of you( soon to be three of you) is ok. Ignore expectations, and work things out your own way.
Try and work it out by your strengths and weaknesses. Like I nornally handle paying all the Bill’s because if it were up to my husband, he would forget and then you can say goodbye to a good credit rating. If one of you is better at cooking, then maybe that can be your job. Etc.
This is different for everyone. It’s 50/50 when we are both home for sure. I’m at SAHM and my hubby works full time. So majority of things land on me. If I’m busy with the baby, he washes the dishes, or throws my laundry in. He does his own laundry, and does the lawn and trash. If he ever works late or has to go in on a Saturday and it’s suppose to rain the next day, I do the grass gladly. I take in trash bins when needed as well.
It’s not a tit for tat. It’s a team effort.
We both work my husband runs his own business he operates the equipment and I keep up with the books I end up handling most of the errands mainly because he has issues with numbers and names so it’s just easier we both clean the house he takes out trash sweeps whatever needs to be done and handles the outside stuff as well as vehicle matinence and my mom cooks since she stays with us that way when we get home at 10 or after we aren’t having to fix dinner for everyone our family watcha our kids but starting next year I’ll be at home more instead of the job sites with my husband so I’ll probably end up taking over cooking and more of the household stuff errands and childcare responsibility all the errands and accounting for the business
Married 43 years this week. We both have always had FT jobs. Argue about jobs Yes. Now we help each other with most things and let the little things fall into place. He cannot manage the finances and I cannot lift heavy things. We don’t assign duties just get it done.
Congratulations on your baby!!
I do the majority of everything and we both work. but I’m picky. If I want him to help with something all I have to do is tell him and he will.
i had kids before we got married nd after we married. He works nd pays the bills nd everything else we split there not one thing that hes suppose to do verse me we take care of our kids together nd we clean the house together.
My husband is thw head of household as far as working. I work part time so I obviously do the cooking and laundry and chores around the house. But my husband is very good to me amd helps me out all the time!!! He never puts me down for only working part time, in fact, he always thanks me for everything I do and vice versa!!! I will be.oeponing my own business at the begining of the year so I am happy that I will be making more money for us!!! Nothing wrong with having more income!
He works i take care of the house and animals and baby he helps if I ask but I personally prefer things done my way here at the house and I don’t feel he should do have to do anything he works 6 days a week so he should get to relax on his day off
It makes two to be parents with a S and it makes two to make a home if being in relationships there shouldn’t be who does what it should just be equally if he not helping with house or supporting u in any way and being equal in relationships and life style ur both living in well… Then that not much of relationship it a one way path that he just living off u expecting u do everything that when u need decide if it worth being unhappy in that situation and relationship that most likely won’t change or moving forward with ur life and happiness not having to do everything for someone else … if u have do it alone well then … Mise well be happy and less stressed doing it alone rather than worrying about what he isn’t doing
I was working but was laid off due to covid so now I’m most likely going to be a stay at home mom for now. I’m pregnant as well (8 months) so it’s been hard for me to try to find a new job that will allow my flexibility of maternity leave/work from home this early on. I personally do all the cleaning and cooking because my husband works full time and I have more time at home to do it. If I was working though, then we would probably split a lot of the chores/finances most likely.
There is no right or wrong way, you need to find the path that best fits your dynamic no matter what it looks like. That being said, “keep score” aka “well I did it last time” is not healthy. You need to talk to your SO and really listen to their thoughts on the matter and devise a plan that works for you both. Attack the problem, not the person.
Men hate doing dishes so that’s your job!! It doesn’t take but amin anyway if you both work share house work if you stay home, keep your home as nice as you can makes a man feel like you love yourself and him But remember you’re both having a baby there’s day’s you just need your rest and he needs to help you out or he can carry the baby next Time look luck
Each relationship is different. When my husband and I moved in together, we agreed he does all the cooking and I do all the cleaning. We have always had seperate finances, even now that we’re married. We have an excel sheet that keeps tracks of what he pays for and what I pay for and at the end of the month we look at the totals and go from there. Examples are I carry healthy insurance on the family and he pays for all of the food. I pay the electric and he pays anything extra. One sheet shows my expenses and the other his. Add it up and divide it, makes it completely equal. It works because he’s a spender and I’m a saver. We are totally equal in everything we do with finances.
…do what makes you happy & gets your s*** done.
As long as business is handled - who cares who does what
I work FT and my husband is a stay at home dad. Do what works for you
We don’t have traditional “roles”. If we see something that needs done, we do it. My man works, cooks, cleans, helps with our daughter, and does anything he wants on the weekend; works on cars, goes fishing, whatever needs done.
My spouse and I have all money go into our joint account, hes not working now but is still being paid regular working income.I have Child tax income for the kids.He pays the rent and I pay the bills from child tax( which all bills are way less then rent).Rest of money goes to groceries and whatever…We have both become equally lazy in doing things lol but typically I cook and clean and get kids ready for school and he always helps out once I get in gear and start cleaning…Its always been like this,but when he was working I didn’t expect much from him except for 1 of his 2 days off then he would be full hands on helping
Equality is best. Help each other the best you can. Making roles specific can lead to resentment. Equality tends to keep that from happening
Do what works for you and your family. Your way is never the wrong way.
Who ever does a thing best does it I don’t know how much money we have but I make sure cars work and yard work is done and cook on weekends Housework sucks
I’m a stay at home mom. Everything we do as a team. But most of the time I have to ask him because hes so into the t.v. sometimes he forgets and I just do it any way.
If you gotta ask what your role is…you’re probably not ready for a "relationship "…
My boyfriend works 2 jobs and helps me when he can with the house. I care for the baby and he helps get bottles ready for me.
No two couples are alike and have different circumstances. No simple answer for this.
Yes thats true …dont argue and get upset about it its best to stay calm and talk things out …you pretty much already know the answer to lots of your questions like is it best that you both work if you are able if not which one is better to be home and who is the one that needs to cook or laundry you could do everything together as much as possible and build a stronger bond and both could sing to or chat with the baby as you go cause he or she can hear you ya know …staying calm is most important and doing things together is a great way to bond and always be a team …js
Should kept leg closed till you had papers them its 50/50
Only the two of you can answer that question.
Suppose to be a team. Always work together or there is going to be problems…Talk about things and don’t take it out on the other spouse or family members it will separate the house hold and create drama’s and dislikes in the house
Team work. Balanced team work both working together for the household.
It should be like whatever you two decide it should be like.
Just as long as it is TEAMWORK
That really just depends on Yall, im better with money and do all inside work.
He does yard work and takes out trash, but that’s mainly bc im allergic to outdoors so yeah.
Split everything equally so no fights
Whatever y’all are good at, divide by that. I suck with money so I get an “allowance “ I put in a separate account and he pays the bills. (We both contribute to all accounts). I can’t clean tub or toilets so I clean everything else and he does those. I garden and he digs holes of need be and he does the lawn, raking and snow. Together we will paint. We noticed if I give him a list and I don’t go to the grocery store, we spend a lot less and have a lot less crap for food so I make a cohesive diner plan and make the list and he does shopping. I clean the house, he does dishes and garbage…we have been married 16yrs thus far.
All of the chores. Laundry dishes cleaning bills and making sure we have food on the table. full time job and a single mom. House of five. No help from anyone.
You have to figure out what is best for your household. What works for one doesn’t always work for the next. For my husband and I for example, we both are capable of household chores and responsibilities and up until October shared financial responsibilities also. I lost my job and am now at home, so, my “role” is more traditional, I take care of the household chores but bc of my abilities and experience, I can also take care of repairs and other things if I have time, when he is home, he helps if he has the energy, if not, he can relax. You have to evaluate your situation and what works best
This isn’t a one size fits all. It doesn’t matter what anyone here does, you have to do what works and what’s fair for your family.
I worked my soon to be x husband stayed home with the kids i cooked n cleaned… i worked because i have more education allowing for a higher paying job and daycare would have been his whole check if he worked plus he wanted to b a stay at home dad. At the end of the day, it is what works best for you n your family. You may not know what that is until the baby arrives, but def experiment. There is no right way or wrong way. Ideally it should be 50/50 but not all situations work on 50/50
There is no set way that is right for everyone. You have to find the balance your family needs. I work 40 plus hours a normal 730 to 4ish job Monday to Friday. He has his own business so someday he has an easy day ans works 2 hours sometimes he works 16. Mine is set his isnt. So I take kids to school before work pic them up after and start dinner and then bath the kids then clean kitchen and get kids to bed. He does all the yard work, which is a lot since we have 2 acres and also all car maintenance which is a lot since we have 7 and anything I want redone around the house. He has few easy days but when he does he cleans up but for most part I do house work. He gives me money and I pay all the bills and my check is for insurance, school, and all the rest is basically paying off our home. We work well together and agree on what we do without even saying.
Well the way we do it is he works, throws out trash, repairs what needs fixing, and helps with the kids cause we both made them. I stay home and cook, clean, and take care of the kids. Some times when he sees I’m tired he will wash dishes or clean the house or cook to help out.
It’s a team effort that is why y’all are together.
Figure out whatever works for either of you. If there is something one of you hates to do, and the other doesn’t mind, then they should do it. There are some things you might both hate, but it needs to get done, then share the responsibility. It’s not rocket science.
My husband and I both work and share all responsibilities. The thing he does that I don’t is yard work and maintenance around our house. Other than that, he will wash dishes, I wash dishes, he gives our little ones their baths, we both make dinner. It’s about working together to keep a smooth flow going in your household.
We do everything together!! Yes he cleans, cooks, does laundry and help with kids homework. There’s not one thing I do that he doesn’t
Honestly to me it should be all shared. Now if he’s in the mindset that he works all day and needs to sleep and not do anything when he gets home, RUN!
He did yard maintenance, clean our cars etc and I did house work, cooking, shopping. But he would offer to help with cooking and hang washing with me. It’s about finding balance.
Household role: Single mama so I’m mom and dad, provider, cook, protector, handy person, cleaner, etc.
we both work, we both clean and we both cook. we have no roles in our household. and it works very well for us. i give birth monday and he said he will help pick up the slack with financials and chores until im fully healed
It should be 50/50, both of y’all should pitch in equally on everything.
Imo, you both live there and are responsible for everything involved with it.
There shouldn’t be gender roles in your household. If you’re better at making sure bills are paid & saving you should be in charge of finances. If he is then that should be his role. Frankly with today’s technology you should just set that paychecks go into a joint account, set a specific amount to be paid directly to each bill, a specific amount for food & household, an amount for savings & an amount to go into each of your personal accounts. Once you agree on the numbers it’s done. As for home maintenance & child care it should be shared equally.
Sharing all responsibilities could be quite helpful.
When I was pregnant, my husband would take out the trash and clean the toilet/ shower. Anything I was unable to do because of fumes or too much bending or stuff being too heavy but other than that, it shouldn’t be who does what it should be I cooked dinner so he loads the dishwasher or you see the coffee spot on the counter just wipe it up. The big chores like sweeping, mopping, vacuuming were all done by whoever got to it first.
Right now a SAHM. I have a 5 year old who is in Kindergarten and a 1 year old. My fiance works.
I’m pregnant, my boyfriend works. I look after the baby when he’s working. I clean but that’s because I’m fussy we both cook…
We split everything. He works over 40hours a week and I stay home. But we split household things and bills
“roles”?!! What year is this, 1950?!
Everything. Stay at home mom of a 10 year old boy 5 year old girl 3 months old girl and a 31 year old boy(husband) he works alot. But yes everything
My fiancé works full time, I work part time & some evenings whilst looking after 2 toddlers. I clean & do all the washing & we share cooking & washing up