My daughter is 11 and was gifted a phone last year… at first I wanted it to be used for emergency’s only but then I decided to let her text with a few of her friends and she would watch YouTube and TikTok. I had her phone restricted to only one hour on her apps then I recently adjusted restrictions to give her more free time on the phone(6 hours of extra time on apps). Idk if I’m being too strict but she has been deleting her calls even when I told her not to do that anymore and she learned how to turn off the restrictions on her phone. iiiii don’t even know how to do that lol… I took the phone up and tbh I just want some adviceee or what kind of rules do you ladies have when it comes to your preteen having a phone? I’ve taken the phone up a lot because of her not cleaning her room or if she’s distracted on it when she’s supposed to be doing homework. I let her sleep with the phone in her room just for the alarm but I guess she’s been using it passed her bedtime… what would y’all do?
Take it away until she can be trusted with it
I’d do the same thing I do with my 4 year old. Take away the thing that’s making her distracted. My daughter learns real quick that if she wants it back she has to listen and do as I ask her to do.
I’ve taken the phone away from both my children for not following the rules. My son used to get it back for safety reasons catching a bus and train to school, but as soon as he was home he had to give it back. We did 2 weeks of that. I might have to take their phones away again as they are not doing as they’re told. Being preteens they are still learning consequences. So don’t warn just take the phone. Can’t follow my rules you don’t have a phone
I know there is a app you can download that tells you she is on her phone …just go and check it before she can delete anything
Eaither take it away or Family Link App
If she can’t follow the rules then she isn’t responsible enough to have the phone. I’d take it away for a while. Once you give it back if she continues to not follow them take it away again.
Take the phone & get her an alarm clock. Explain to her why you’re taking the phone & let her know that if you give it back what the requirements & expectations are and under no circumstances is she to readjust the parameters you put in place. Doing so it will result in automatic permanent loss of the phone.
I wouldn’t care. It’s often when you limit that people want to do things extra or what they wouldn’t do with more freedom. Deleting calls or whatever that were unimportant clear space or keep old numbers/ call logs from being pushed down. I do this, myself.
Umm just take the phone and don’t give it back.
Take it away. 11 is way too young anyway.
No phone in bedroom, strict rules or take the phone
Under 16 the phone stays with me unless they leave the house. They have no business on a phone watching YT or anything. A phone for emergencies is just that and there are apps to restrict stuff and remove the ability to do things
Sounds like you know what to do you just need reassurance that it’s the right thing.
She is to young. Buy a alarm.
relax. let go.
keep a good strong relationship with her, teach her internet safety.
how you react in the first place will teach her how to, and if your someone she can come to about anything to.
so stay calm. don’t over do. just stay involved and there, let her say it bc if if you those things I’m sure she will
If she isn’t following the rules then she doesn’t get it. Also she can have an actual alarm clock. She can have the phone when she’s left at home or traveling otherwise she’s not mature enough to handle the gift yet and it needs to be put up.
Also these days kids are real smart about how to get passed blocks on not just phones but computers as well so double check that stuff too.
Get rid of it. Also talk to your friends, family, or whoever, about what you deem is an appropriate gift for YOUR 11 year old. A phone is a gift that should have been discussed with you & dad to begin with.
My solution for my daughter was to go on a cool family tramp, and guess what, no mobile coverage! The detox was painfully for everyone, but it worked. Once we had her back, we had a bit of a family joke about how long the next tramp would be for any other required technology detoxes for any member of the family.
With Optus I can shut the phones down for as long or as short as I want. I have full control over their devices…
what supplier is the phone with?
A phone is a privilege not a right. I’ll be her alarm until she can be trusted to use it properly.
TikTok is NOT for Kids.
Way too young to make mature decisions re phone. Protect her from herself. Have internet turned off altogether till she is working and can pay for it herself.
I check my kids phones when I please no telling when
My 12 Yr old is awaiting autism assessment and had issues talking to random online. I’ve warned all they delete I’ll remove the phone
i just suspend my kids lines when they don’t listen/get punished. when it’s suspended they can only call me, their father & each other since i’m the account holder and i make the decision 
taking it completely doesn’t do me any favors like when i forget to give it back & then i’m questioning when is football or whatever activity over…
Well, not to be mean, but you added quite a bit of hours to that restriction, if she is in school, that’s pretty much giving her all the time she wants on her phone. Also, you know how to turn restrictions on, you turn them off the same way, you can go to settings and search parent or parental and something should come up where you can turn them on. I’m not the best, because my kids are kinda unlimited but they are also older and do gaming mostly. But you just have to be strong and tell her she can only have this much time and if she doesn’t listen you will take the phone, and then follow through, but considering you extended her to 7 hours of screen time, she is likely going to put up a fight saying that you allowed it, and she won’t be wrong, you have to undo what you did and from experience, it won’t be easy, but you have to
Get rid of it and get a gabb phone. Smart phone with no apps or internet. Also you can choose whether she can send and receive pics or not. Even then if she isn’t following rules or deleting things then it only goes with her for emergency purposes then stays in a public room or with you when home. Buy an alarm.
11 is way to young and if so put restrictions on it and if she dnt listen make it disappear!
Take it away until she is older!!! Buy her an alarm clock.
Take it away. You are the parent and a phone is not a most have.
We haven’t gotten to a real phone yet just my son’s SyncUp Kids watch. We control it with our phones on the parent app. He’s also 11. He has I believe 25 contacts assigned on the parent app. He has talk and text. He’s lost 1 and broke 1. They are $10 replacements. We were looking at Bark Phone but he has to quit losing or breaking the watches first.
My 12 yr old asked her older sis for a phone for Christmas. And she got her one. Thing is… No one asked me to pay the bill. Which apparently I’m going to be on the hook for. But they are in for a rude awakening. Mama doesn’t have the extra money for another phone. I already work 2 jobs. So my kids phone will be just an alarm clock.
I haven’t seen anything of much good on Tik Tok for 11 year olds.
My grands never got their phone in bed. And contact the carrier. They can help with restrictions and limits that your daughter cannot undo.
Your 11 year old should NOT have a tik Tok…
An 11yr old doesn’t need a phone. And u see why. Be a parent and take the phone. Duh. Why is this even a question?
If she can’t respect the boundaries you put then get a different alarm for her and put her back on a tight restriction or give it to her only she leaves the house ; if those are the rules and respect your looking for . My son doesn’t sleep with his phone because he won’t sleep he doesn’t get the phone to play with during the week days (unless he’s pooping )(dnt ask) and he can talk to family pretty much when ever . He’s actually been giving his number to friends at school and they talk but my son gets the phone when I want him to and if dnt listen then he dnt get it . When we leave the house for outings he has his phone because I want to be able to call him or reach him if need to be . Kids can’t control themselves the phone takes over their souls it’s up to us !
And you can google anything and get the answer so she probably asked google or Siri how to take off the restrictions
The Phone has gotten much of her attention and you’ve to be very careful with her….
Tell her and teach her some moral lessons cuz she’ll still use the phone later on but Now you’ve to let her know what she might come across…
Take the phone at bed time simple remember she is only 11 n u r mum n if she doesn’t agree to hand it over we’ll she loses it till she decides to agree to the rules of having a phone at her age… no u wake her up or get an alarm clock for her room… a phone is a Privilege or a right xxx goodluck mumma
Time for the phone to get away from her permanently.
i use a app called family link, completely free to use and you can control all apps on her phone from your from as well as temporarily blocking apps, setting time schedules for use of phone etc. I have it and use it on both my children’s phones, there you can set age restriction on everything, from playstore to google and best is they can not change it unless they have your password. You can also see how many hours they spend on what app , and family link has a location option where as if their location is on you can see were they are. My children 5 years and 12 years are restricted to one hour a night before bed time Mon-thu, friday they get some time after school and in the evening and on weekends it’s an hour here and there. And the plus side of the app is you get an email when they download anything from playstore and that way you can also monitor what your child does.
There is this app I use called family kink I lock everything through my phone and unlock whatever I want my son to use. There is even a limit you can add to the certain apps. It’s helped a ton
from a sneaky kid who knew the ins and outs, take the phone. now.
Would you let strangers in your home alone with your daughter?? No, delete all social media apps! They are dangerous for your child.
I would start by taking the phone away, and making her prove she’s even responsible enough to have one. Secondly, have you been on tiktok? Definitely inappropriate for children (I on the other hand enjoy it, but I’m an adult). YouTube also has some very inappropriate stuff. My 12 can watch YouTube, on our TV, that has a ton of child controls on it. She never watches it without an adult present (stuff still gets past the security measures). We control this by having a code on it. It automatically changes every 2 days, and I get the alert as to the new code. If your 11 yr old is deleting phone calls, they are doing something wrong. The world is full of child predators. They are easily able to access children thru apps like tiktok, YouTube, and others. You’re not her friend, you are her mother. Safety is number 1. With that being said, I would remove the idea of a phone all together til she is older. You can get a child safe phone for her to use. They allow only the numbers you set for it to call, no apps can be downloaded, and you can monitor it easily. Please please please know how easy it is for a young child to become manipulated and you won’t know til it’s too late. If you’re worried about the person who gave her the phone, again, she’s your child. You need to be concerned about her, not others.
For deleting and turning off restrictions take it back. She is only 11. You need to have full transparency on what and who she communicating with on that phone.
Add the phone to your plan
That way when you get an itemized bill
You can check the incoming and out going calls
Also install numbers of those she can call in an emergency
Whilst blocking other numbers
Another thing you can do is reduce and limit her hours
Also change your pass word
That way she has to come to you for the code (which you don’t give to her)
And you unlock it for her
In my personal opinion
I wouldn’t let my pre teen (10 yr old granddaughter)
Have one at night
Otherwise she won’t go to sleep
I’d take it away. Maybe get her a basic one that’s not a smartphone, for emergencies.
Take the phone put it on the floor and stomp it
Set a pass code on it that she doesn’t know so it will still work as an alarm but she can’t play on it. When she is allowed to play with it you can remove the code or she can have you unlock it for her.
My daughter is nearly 14 and we don’t feel she can be trusted unsupervised with a phone or social media, so she doesn’t have one period nor does she have any social media. She has a TV, an FM radio, a regular alarm clock, and a karaoke machine, but no WiFi connection except in the family room . She isn’t happy about it but we have explained our reasons and stand firm in our decisions. If you don’t want to go that route, you can turn off her service or her individual WiFi during certain hours in an effort to restricted her access.
Apple makes it easier to control and harder for them to delete stuff
Just get her a basic flip phone.
I’m strict they don’t have a phone at that age
You’re the parent. Put your foot down & take it away!! You gave her more freedom & she took advantage of it. Now she needs to learn the consequences of her actions. Buy her a good old fashioned alarm clock & when u decide to give it (the phone) back, she starts over at 1hr. When the hour is up, it goes back to you. If she complains her time gets reduced to 45min. If she continues to complain 30min. Make her earn her time back (over the course of a month) by being responsible. After getting her phone back, if she continues her old ways… take the phone & DONT GIVE IT BACK. Tell her you’ll consider giving it back to her next year when she’s gained more maturity & responsibility for her actions. AND STICK TO WHAT YOU SAY!! If you don’t follow through with your actions now, she’s gonna walk all over you (in my experience anyway)
Family Link app. I have it for my daughter.
she’s deleted calls so you won’t be able to see them and the only reason she would do that is to hide something, period. in my opinion, that means no phone. cellphones open up a world of danger to kids/teens to be groomed and is a major safety issue.
my daughter had a flip phone, she is 9 and can only take it with her when she goes out to ride her bike. i also have an apple air tag i put in her when she goes to ride her bike so i can track her location.
Get her a Bark phone or watch. They are completely locked down with parental controls. Take the phone away if she is being suspicious and not following rules
I don’t know. It’ll take me a while to explain my process. However, what I know works way better than any sort of taking away things or rules. Is lectures about every different part of the phone and what it does and actually trying to help them. It’s so strange that when you actually try to help them, they just feel like it’s torture. It’s kind of funny. But it kind of makes it so whenever they do their thing now they hear your voice lecturing them. So they end up stopped doing it because you’re like. Oh, it reminds me of my mom or dad.
Turn off the wifi on her phone. Make sure she doesn’t have data. My 14 ( 15 next month) has a phone for a year or so. His plan doesn’t have data available and I have a rather hard to figure out wifi code. I just turned off his wifi when he was distracted and not completing assignments at school. He can still text friends and call but he knows if he bugs his friends to much, they’ll ignore him lol.
I’ve taken my daughter phone away, there also an app called family link, and you can see everything, monitor her usage on it, see her location and block apps also
Take her phone and don’t give it back until high school. Buy her an alarm clock and get a flip phone for her to use when she needs to call. She doesn’t need a phone when she has shown she isn’t ready.
Turn off her service for certain hours of the day or take it away altogether. This a a device YOU pay for, she can either for the rules or not have it.
TAke it away from her for good. She’s too young to have it and we as parents know what we have to do but don’t want to do it. Just do it!
Oh hellllllll no. Once those rules got crossed I would be taking that phone. Put that phone up in a drawer, go get the girl a flip phone or an alarm clock, and call it a day
Never let them them sleep with the phone, get her an alarm clock, the phones make it to easy to do nothing else, you had it correct when you limited it time, go back to that!! Ugh, as a grown up it’s so easy we’re tired, maybe we want to scroll too but these are not phones anymore, they are addictive, they take away motivation, they take away communicating skills, ohhh it’s a problem even in the workplace, correct it now!!!
Take the phone away. Tell her she cant listen and follow the rules she will not get her phone. Have her earn her phone back with chores. And earn how long she can be on it. I never got a phone until i was 18 and i paid for it myself. Buy her an alarm clock.
My daughter is almost 11. We use i phones. I have her phone connected to mine. I can see everything! I have daily allotments allowed example, 7 am to 8pm then all social apps shut down including phone and texts except to me. I can see all apps and approve anything she downloads first. If she is not doing good at home or school she loses the phone for the day or a few days. If she gets an attitude I take it. A phone is a luxury and if she doesn’t act right she doesn’t get the phone plane and simple. Goodluck
I didnt have a cell phone till high school, literally EVERYONE ELSE HAD ONE BUT ME!
I got over it and it honestly probably helped me more than i thought not having one.
You broke my trust so you dont get a phone. You can have one when you get a job and pay for it
When our teens first received their phones they had lots of rules… Until we felt they were responsible enough to have them around the clock. Our current rules are by the day… Sunday- no phone for anyone (including adults), Monday - Friday - after schoolwork is complete (they’re homeschooled) they can have their phones. No phones at dinner. Saturday they can have their phones after chores are completed. These rules don’t apply when they go to a friends house because I like to be able to contact them.
Before we felt like they could be trusted we made them turn their phones in each night at bedtime and occasionally we would go through and check what they have been up to on their phone.
Just keep giving and giving I’m sure that will help
Same situation over here, my daughter is a little older but it has gotten so out of control! It is almost as if it controls her life she can’t even have a conversation without being on the phone I have to repeatedly ask her to put it down when I’m trying to talk to her It has become such a problem. And when she was little I did not even let her touch a phone or from a computer or tablet until she started school and I was forced to allow it It obviously made no difference . Here in hopes to get some constructive ideas from the comments.
Preteens should not have a phone. Especially with access to social media and tictok.
Also sounds like she’s not following the rules so why does she still deserve one in your mind?
These kids don’t need any more entitlements.
Put your foot down people.
People and rules come before technology.
Take her phone and don’t give it back. She’s 11, she doesn’t need a phone. You stated she’s deleting phone calls. If she cannot be trusted with simple phone calls it doesn’t sound she’s ready for social media. As others have said, get her an alarm clock.
She can’t be trusted. Why give it to her? You’re just allowing her to deceive you even more. If she wants it back she will earn your trust to have it and abide by your rules. You need to be more tech savvy than her if you expect to not be tricked.
Bark is a really good app to monitor and set controls. We used it for a long time
Parent…
Your child is not your friend. God (gifted you) that child to raise, teach and PROTECT. At this point taken the phone is going to make her act out, in all kinda bad ways. SO, teach. You need to take her and the phone to someone that can retrieve what’s been deleted. Then you need to take her and teach her, show her what your fear is. Let her see Sound of Freedom, take her to your local police station and see if they have information to show her. If your thinking she’s to young to see hear or learn than maybe you both need to do it. Educate her and yourself about Human Trafficking. Let her become an advocate. God bless and best of luck.
Take it away? I mean, what do you mean what do I do?
I’m not sure. I’m always on my phone so… 
My son has no data on his phone only is able to use wifi and I can turn it off on his phone when I need too
Take the phone and give her a tracfone flip phone with only calling and texting you can view through your parent account. Parent does not need a tracfone for this to work.
Take it away she is 11. She should have no more than hour only after chores and homework is done. If she is disobeying rules at 11 what will she be doing at 16. Get a grip NOW.
We have our kids on family link, they can’t control that at all. We didn’t allow any social media though.
She doesnt need 6 hours😵 nor does she need tik tok.
11 is too young to have free usage of a phone. The world is sick and dangerous. There are ways to restrict things that she can’t remove. Ways to monitor what she’s doing. I’d personally say any app should be restricted for now,except for however long your comfortable with her using them. But she should have ti sit in a common area of the home since she’s deleting calls and stuff. She should have to give it you at night too because she’s being sneaky with it. I think she’s too young for tik tok in general. Maybe go through who she follows and allow child friendly content. It’s all about constant monitoring at 11. Sounds like you need a total re haul in how she’s allowed to use the phone.
Don’t know what kind of Phone, but I have an app called family link, I an monitor daughter phone , restriction, time limits etc and I set a password , so if she wants to make any changes on phone- new apps, etc, needs to ask my permission first, it’s been great.
I would not give an 11 year old a phone in the first place lol.
Take her phone at 8pm and replace it with a book. 
I have an 11yo whose had a phone since she was 8. It’s through our plan so I can see every phone call, and text, even if deleted. She’s never been allowed social media except for YouTube. And she has an app that puts heavier restrictions on it that require me to approve any apps or websites she visits. We (including my teens) have access to her YouTube so we can see what she watches. If she breaks the rules then the phone gets taken, and we have a talk about why the rules exist. I don’t restrict usage tho, except during dinner.
ETA… an 11yo absolutely shouldn’t be on tik tok. I’ve reported so many women for trends involving getting naked. It’s disgusting. Not the mention how easy it is to slide on the darker side of tik tok (drugs, sex, 50 shades stuff…). Minimum age per their policy is 13 for a reason.
Mine is 13 and she’s not allowed on tik tok or snap chat.
She has a fb account that i monitor. I also take her phone at random and go through it to make sure I know the people she is talking to and texting.
I made very clear rules about her phone usage.
She mostly just listens to music.
Take her phone away if she’s abusing the privilege.
She can earn it back by showing you that she can follow the rules.
If she’s deleting calls or texts I would definitely be concerned about who she’s talking to and why she doesn’t want you to see it.
My preteen has a gabb phone built specifically for the and their safety. At 11 she should only be on phone total of 2 hrs daily, no apps that perverts can act like a kid and lure her on.
My 11 year old has a bark phone. It’s your normal smartphone but we have the ability to essentially turn it into a flip phone… which we did. She can’t add a contact without our approval. She can’t delete a text without our approval. Internet is blocked, all social media apps are blocked. She can download games but we have to approve them. We got her the phone in case we need to get ahold of her. We haven’t left her the option to make bad choices with it.
download family link for restrictions ! if she tries to take it off it locks her phone and only you are able to unlock
11 is too young. Can’t respect the rules of the phone then can’t have the phone. When she’s 18 and pays her own bills then she can do what she wants but right now you make the rules.
Get her in an android if she isn’t and put mmguardian on her phone. It’s a bit pricy, but they can get past all the blocks. You can read texts and see who calls. I don’t do that unless there is a reason and honestly haven’t had a reason to do it at all. I mainly use it because I can limit usage and it shuts down at 10 on a school night. They can still call or message the parent if that happens. But only the parent. Let’s of really great benefits to the mmguardian app. You can also limit what apps they have. Mu kiddos will never have snapchat. I don’t mind the others, but not until they are adults.
If she doesn’t follow your rules then she loses her phone. You need to enforce her boundaries or you are creating a monster!!!
My kids (15 +16) have to turn their phones in at 10 pm on school nights and 11 on the weekends. They get them back in the morning.
If they don’t turn their phones out at night they don’t get them back the next day.
How about no on smart phone… it’s for emergencies get her a flip phone simple. She can’t delete calls from it you see that in the monthly statement.
I would get a “dumb” phone, like an old school flip phone and let her use that for texting and calling only. And only let her use the other one at home with WiFi and supervision and limited times.
Get her a regular alarm clock. After the first time she took the locks off she would of lost it or I’d of switched it to a flip phone and only give it to her when she’d be away from home.
I have family link for my kids tablets and oldest phone I have set that they shut off at bed and only I can approve apps being downloaded