What can I do about my overbearing mother in law?

My husbands mom is totally over baring… she comes and walks in when she pleases buys my kids things they don’t need or have and is really rude with me and my husband. She’s a huge Narcissist… When she doesn’t get her way she starts pulling any excuse to why we don’t allow her to be around the kids alone after telling us, she will tell my kids when they are oldest enough to understand why she was never around cause mommy and daddy never aloud them too, not only had she called my parents and told them how she raised me wrong but, uses her prier health problems as a excuse to be around the kids. We have spoken with family services about her after receiving a false call, and counsellors as this is taking a huge toll on our marriage. I never asked for him to keep her away. He’s trying to protect us…. Are we wrong for trying protecting our kids?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What can I do about my overbearing mother in law?

Protect yourself and your family at all costs. Narcissistic behavior is so hard to get away from. Grey rock method of communication. Get legal protection

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The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers

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Don’t allow her to come to your house. Let her know until she gives you respect, she’s not welcome and her grandkids wont see her either.

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No ur family comes 1st

Put a lock on your door. End of problem.

If you can’t put her in her place nicely. Then do it with force . Seems little choice here . Invite her for dinner get the kids looked after elsewhere and you and your husband try . Give her a firm choice after a liberal discussion. Good luck xxxxx. I hope your husband has your back

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He just needs to cut her off. As soon as she threatened to say something negative to the kids when they are old enough…she isnt waiting until they are old enough…she us trying to poison them everytime parents arent around already. It is what her kind does.

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Cut her off 100 percent. No visits no pictures no gifts from her. Nothing…she’s toxic af.

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Get a restraining order if she continues?

I would like to dump my kids at the inlaws and travel with my wife. But the inlaws in the other hand don’t want to spend time with the kids.

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Definitely put a stop to it now…it is definitely going to get worse…don’t feel bad about it either…she’s doing this not you…

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Boundaries and respect are a must! Sound like mommy dearest needs the cut! She’s already shown she’s not going to be civil so she doesn’t need to be in your or your children’s lives. Her toxic behavior is not going to be good for them and sounds like a major stressor in your life. I’m real quick to cut people off but you BS call CPS on me and you will never see my kids again… End of story…

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No.
I’d change the locks. When she tells the kids she wasn’t allowed, “Yep. She wasn’t a good influence and I didn’t feel safe with her around you.” :woman_shrugging:

Get a restraining order if you have to. Protect your family.
Period.

How she just walking into your house? Get a lock on it and keep it locked at all times.

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Tbh after that false call that should’ve been the last straw . Your husband needs to talk to her and have her back off … this is very toxic behavior . You guys dont deserve that at all.

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Nope not at all!! Its one of the reasons why i left my so called family i haven’t seen mine in about 15 years…as im getting older i realize i was being manipulated by a narcissist along with being emotionally abused and i definitely dont want my daughter around that!!

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Can you move cities? I’m serious, get as far away from her as possible!

You are NOT wrong, she sounds toxic, and if you feel she is than you have every right to keep her away!

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The false call would have been enough for me to cut her out of my life. If she doesn’t listen to your husband cut her out. Just because someone is family that doesn’t mean they have an obligation to be in your life. As for just walking in the house then lock your doors and if she has keys to your house then change your locks. I would have cut her out a long time ago. Ever since I got rid of the toxic people in my life I have so much more peace.

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Its truly amazing the destruction a mil can do…
NC now

If she’s not respecting you all as the parents then cut her off. My daughter will be 8 in less than 4 months and it’s taken years for us to be on good terms with his mom. Considering she never raised him and is now trying to act like mom. 30 years later. Blows my mind. She does the same shit as yours just walks in when she wants. Brings over junk food and candy whenever she can. But the cherry on top is her trying to tell us how to parent! :clown_face::rofl: you’re the parent not her. Remind her that if she doesn’t get it through her thick skull then it’s definitely time to part ways.

We stopped allowing my MIL over. Put up hard boundaries. I will not allow toxic people around my kids. And I have Zero issue correcting her when she misspeaks to my children. If she doesn’t like it, she’s asked to leave.

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Is she approachable? If so both you and your husband sit her down and disguss boundries. Firm boundries! If not sadly yes shut her out. She seems like she just wants to cause you trouble and thats not good for your children to have a constant war going on around them.

All of the above! Get a lock for the door. Tell her she’s no longer welcome. Get a restraining order if you have to.

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Get a new lock. Get cameras for the home and cut contact. It may be worth calling in a police report just so you have something on file and it makes it easier to get a restraining order. True narcissists won’t stop. They play a game with one end goal in mind even if it destroys everything around them.

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The false call is enough to cut her off for a while… I don’t play when it comes to my kids.

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I’m sorry for your husband being raised by this woman. Just continue with her as you have making clear what you will and won’t tolerate. Then the decision is up to her how she chooses to behave.

Move or your marriage is done for.

Nope. Go NC. She has no right to do this stuff to you.

Been there done that!! You are far from wrong! I would set boundaries and I honestly wouldn’t allow her near me or my children. I went through this and i went through hell. She’d show at my house unannounced, call random people and lie and even after a weekend of my daughter being with her claimed my then 2 year old said a boy touched her private area. If you were so concerned wouldn’t you have called me the mother immediately? I cut off all communication and blocked her on social media. I even had to move. An entire state. Luckily me and her son aren’t together anymore so it was easier for me. Really praying for you because i know how hard this situation can be.

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No. First she needs to call. Second gifts well she’s grandma, however I ask first. Change locks keep doors locked all the time set boundaries if she doesn’t like it oh well🤷‍♀️

She’s toxic. Keep a record of everything. Btw grandparents have no rights in most states. Js

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You are not wrong. I have had to distant from my kids grandmother because she is a narcissist and very toxic for us. Now that my kids are getting older they are starting to see it for themselves. Boundries and distance has to be set for the mental health of you and the kids. It’s a sad situation, but just know no matter what she says you are not the one causing it. With people like this you will always be the one to blame and they will always be the victim because everything is about them. Some people you gotta love from afar.

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You basically have to set boundaries or get a restraining order.

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She can’t walk in if lock the doors.

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I’m so sorry your going through this & yes imo SHE needs boundaries!!
But, my MIL was the same way. My husband was military and I tell you his mom tried everything in the book to keep him from deploying from saying she had Cancer to wanting to call her congressional to tell them my husband was his dad’s only child. She told everyone that woukd listen that her son is divorcing me ( you’d think after 25 years she’d STOP) She’s a Huge narcissist. She called cps on me saying I was neglecting our kids which of course i never did.
Thankfully she lives in Missouri & we are in Oklahoma but my husband finally had enough of her crazy crap & cut her off and he has not spoken to her since 2019 but his siblings havent spoken to her since 2005. I stay in little contact with her only bc she’s legal blind and lives alone and nobody else will check on her.

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Ha ha sounds like there could be 2 narcissist and 2 woman that want control let us know how it works out for you

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Buy cameras!!! Place them out side your home all around your property. And one in your kitchen area. So if shit ever hits the fan you’ll have everything in video!!!
It’s time to put your foot down as far as your kids just explain to them don’t sugarcoat it. Depending on age.
My mom did and made me understand her more for how my grandma treated her. I still saw my grandma but the moment she tried to bring up my mom during our visits at her place I wouldn’t say anything just said she’s good and Idk :woman_shrugging:t2: and changed subjects or told her I don’t want to speak of her just here to spend time with you.
Now that I’m older she’s changed 

She’s a toxic person. You may have to cut contact with her altogether. Change your locks and keep her from just walking into your home. I would talk to your husband about moving away from her if at all possible. This is not healthy for any of you.

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Nope your kids not hers

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Both of yall need to completely cut her off and get a no contact order on her😑

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I would personally completely cut ties with her.

Lock doors so she has to knock. Set hard firm boundaries and stick to them. It’s easier to keep boundaries in the beginning than to try to firm up on them later.

Remove her. She is banned until she behaves.

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Family meeting time. Your husband and you should present as a completely united front. Let him take the lead, but be clear on what is/not acceptable if she wants to be present in your children’s lives. Boundaries are important and she needs to know when she’s out of line so she can correct her behavior. In other words, if you don’t tell her how she’s acting inappropriately, she can’t fix it. If she keeps up the disrespect and shenanigans after…well then that’s on her. You have to weigh the odds…is her relationship beneficial and healthy for your children, or is it making them act out or unhappy in any way? In the end…those are your children and your word is law…she either accepts that or she doesn’t

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Block her from contacting you, your husband and your children, change all locks on your doors and keep them locked so she can’t get in , make sure all windows are locked. You and your husband sit down and have a talk with your children explain to them the new changes and rules. If she keeps up bothering you and your family. Call the neighborhood watch or the police to have her removed from your property. If your children are school age ban her from going to their schools and no contract with your children. If she causes a seen let the school go after her for trespassing. Don’t post where you are going or doing until after you are finished. She may try to log on in someone’s else’s account be vigilant. You and your family need to completely cut all ties with her. This is for your sanity and the well-being of your family

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I’m sorry but after she called my parents saying some shit like that she would never step foot back in my house which would stop the bs she is telling your kids!

Set boundaries and make them clear with her. By TALKING to her. She is your children’s grandmother so cutting her off is jacked up.

Not enough back story. Why couldn’t she be allowed around her grand kids? What’s the details around the false call? Is she actually a diagnosed narcissist? Do your kids mind being around her? Like gworl

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Id be putting her in her place realllll quick

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No… u r not wrong. Ur children don’t need toxicity in their lives. I would cut her out real fast…

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Yeah, she would never see us again after the fake call to family services and/or her calling my parents saying they raised me wrong. She is toxic!

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Nope. Get a restraining order. We had to against my biological mother. She is barred from ever seeing my kids.

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Stay away from her. She is not doing you or your family any good.

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Being narcissistic is one thing but the day someone calls social services on my family is the day they’re dead to me. IDC about their feelings or health problems either because if you mess with me or mine you’re non-existent now. Also, let me state, I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS CHOOSING HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN OVER HIS MAMA !!!

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Completely cut her off their not her kids

nope protect those children!

Let your husband protect his family. He grew up in her household so he has his reasons; trust his judgement.

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Time to move and not tell her

No keep her away it’s your family not hers put your foot down and who cares what lies she tells

You are absolutely right!!! Get a restraining order.

Not at all!! Keep her away from your children. Your husband needs to speak up and put her in her place. You both need to set boundaries and stick to them. If she can’t agree, cut her off! It’s nice to hear that your husband is standing with you on the issue. All to often we hear about the spouse siding with their parent and not their spouse.

My mother in law was the biggest narcissist. Toxic is toxic. Doesn’t matter if they are blood. I would cut her out and only associate if you have to.

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Shes needs to learn boundaries or stay away. Aint got time for toxic people. Lifes too short.

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No you protect your kids

Tell her to f**k off and stay out of your lives glad your husband is sticking by you he obviously knows what his mother is like xx

Young one, stick to your guns. Your house, your kids, your husband and your life. She is focused on you because she is unhappy with her life. Don’t allow her to bring drama in your life. You might need to sit her down, with your husband and put your foot down. If she doesn’t like - she doesn’t need to be part of family. But remind her- you want her in your kids life - she’s their grandma- and life is short. So if she wants to waste her time trying to disrupt your family - time with her grandchildren will become even shorter - her decision- but you stick to your guns , young one.:sunflower::v:t4:

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My daughter and her husband don’t have anything to do with me, I have had on meal in their home, EVER, and that was only because my sister moved across the country right before Thanksgiving 2019, so I suggested we get together at her house. I haven’t had a holiday or birthday with my daughter since then… she even blocked me on her phone because zo made a mistake and asked her about world events on Sept 9th 2021, if she knew what was going on in Australia, she is a highly educated leftist liberal, but refuses to discuss anything going on in the world because I voted for orange man bad in 2016. I’m sorry you feel your mother in law is overbearing, but could you be at fault in anyway? My SIL has nothing to do with his family, so my daughter has nothing to do with me…
Why can’t people get along…

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Wouldn’t see my child ever again.

Completely cut her off! She is TOXIC!!!

Divorce is only option lol you’ll never get away. If you turn your husband on your side it will cause turmoil… been there done that and divorced now.

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You know the answer to that already. She’s sick. I’m sure it’s hard for your husband as well. Regardless, it’s still his momma. Keep the toxicity away from your kids

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let her buy and get the kids what she wants, but let her know how you feel

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Advise her nicely… “” MOTHER-IN-law, we are going to find you two((2)) lonely men over forty years,to help look after you and satisfy you!!! Do not get angry at Our children,for Our need!!! WILL THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?,? KOOK HER STRAIGHT IN HER EYES HAVE HUSBAND BY YOU SHE WLLL GET THE MESSAGE…REMIND HER EACH TIME SHE DROPS IN…GOOD LUCK .A ELDER .

Yeah I’d be cutting her off. Long ago. 

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Absolutely not. Your children come first. You have to cut anyone out of your life that causes major issues like that. Until she can be respectful and civil, I would cut all contact.

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Never wrong for cutting toxicity from your life.

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Nope. Narcissist never change all you can do is learn how to deal with their behaviors. You’re literally dealing with a overgrown child who’s never had any discipline. Depends on if she was a environmentally made narcissist or if she’s a Grando narcissist which were born that way. I would get a book and start learning how to deal with narcissist.

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Not wrong. Cut her off completely. I’d move further away too so it is harder for her to walk in your home.

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Your kid. Not hers. You make the rules. Stand your ground. Sounds like your partner struggles to be able to which is something I understand as my partners mother can be the same and my partner relies on me to stand up to her.

You don’t have to allow your children to keep the gifts. If she wants to waste her money…lit her. As for the disrespect, have a sit down with her. Be straightforward with her and stick to your guns. If she displays negative behavior, ask her to leave.

Move. Move far, far away

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Your not in the wrong for protecting your kids, if it was me i would just completely cut all contact with her

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Depends on how y’all look at family. Some think “family is family, no matter what they have to be included” or “if that person is toxic, family or not they get cut off”

I personally believe family or not you get cut off if your toxic bc I don’t wanna raise my kids around toxic people.

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Cut her off !! Make sure she’s not listed at the schools or anywhere for emergencies. My friends MIL picked her two daughters up from school to spend the day with them and my friend had no clue why her kids didn’t come home on bus. Police were called and everything. Sounds like your MIL is just as bad. Set rules !! Make sure hubby backs you right in front of her. Nothing behind your back , if you can record her when she starts about I’ll tell them why I can’t see them crap , record on your phone. Nobody can fault you if they can see the truth.

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Are these her only grandchildren or does she have others that she stalks?

Ooof if she’s willing to call family services I would keep records of everything she does against your family and maybe get a lawyer. She’s a danger to your family

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I feel your pain…we had sperm donors mom tell my daughter to send him money in jail, lying and threatening my daughter with a welfare call…I use to work for welfare…she finally got sick of them all Trooper that served her papers told her to get restraining order.

It’s your job as a parent to protect your kids…

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Your grammar is appalling…I hope you don’t speak how you spell or you’re giving her a reason to downgrade you. You are the parent act like it.

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Change your locks and keep the doors locked all of the time. Then tell reh if she can’t be respectful tp you then she does not need to be around your family.

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Get a restraining order

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Toxic comes from many sources and if coming from his mom then you still have to limit it in your life. Don’t answer her calls and limit or cut off for as long as you need to find peace in your life again. You may have to move if it gets too bad but hopefully it won’t come to that.

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Girl stand up for yourself, she sounds like a toxic self centered narcissist. If she was my mother in law she would never hear from any of us ever again. Don’t entertain her toxicity let her swallow her hate and her misery. It doesn’t matter if they’re family if someone is toxic cut them out of your life. 

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Lock your doors, change your phone numbers, either return all gifts or donate them, but cut off contact. Also let the schools you kids attend know she is a hostile grand parent and has no authority to see or pick up your children.

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never ever wrong to protect your kids

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Throw the bitch out you think!

I would show her the door! No one has the right to over shadow you when it comes to your kids. I’d sit her down and let her know her behavior is unacceptable and it needs to change or she won’t be allowed in my home period. I’d also let my husband know of my intent and tell him he will have to visit his mother at her place if he wants to see her. Your kids come first and foremost and grandma or not, she’s toxic and sounds a bit nuts to boot. Put your foot down :woman_shrugging:t3:

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