You are not doing the right thing for your kids or yourself. They will graduate no matter what but in what mental condition by then. Kids are not blind!! Don’t let them think this is ok
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Now you need to see 
a therapist.
Shit if he has an excuse why don’t you !! Have a few drinks and see if you make poor decisions !! Unfortunately your teaching your kids how someone should be treated and how to treat others by staying!! Hopefully they don’t accept the same pain from their “lover” …
You need to take the kids and go. Kids are smarter than you think. You are letting therm think his behave is ok & its not. If you can’t do it for yourself, so it for your kids. But if you haven’t left now, chances are you never will. Best of luck to you and your kids.
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I promise you, 1000% your kids would rather you leave and be happy, than you stay and deal with it. Teach your kids to not put up with that or settle. Teach your kids self worth by being the example. You deserve better. So leave and have better. Be happy.
If you really, truely decide to stay. Then stop doing all the wifely duties. It is no longer your role. Be physically there, like present, but not emotionally or sexually.
Get yourself your own therapist to see regulary. Be open to them about it all. Lying to them is lying to yourself, which helps nobody. And they will help.
Now this next advice is not for everyone but has worked in situations like this for SOME people. Maybe open up the relationship. 
he’s already stepping out and crossing boundaries. Open it up (discretely) and dind you someone who can emotionally be there for you and just you. Who can show you the love you deserve and remind you of your worth. But like I said, not for everyone.
I hope it works out girl. You are strong and a queen. Keep your head up. He’ll one day regret his mistakes and realize you were the best thing that happened to him. Hopefully, you will have moved on and are undeniably happy by then. 
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Staying for the kids is only going to hurt them. It’s showing them that this behavior is acceptable from their partner. Please don’t stay if your unhappy. You deserve so much better for yourself and your kids!
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It’s a very personal decision to make. I’m sorry your going through this. There’s no easy or right answer for you but what you feel and decide to do because you are thinking about this all the time. It so heavy and so hard for so many reasons. It took me almost four years to separate and then divorce my husband after I found him cheating w multiple women. My decision was based on how unhappy I was and how that, his behavior and the way we (my husband and I) were interacting was effecting my children. I was so very sad all the time. It turned out to be better when we left and got our own place. Three years later we share custody of the kids and have found better realtionships. We still have a lot to get through. But at least the fighting around the kids stopped and we could regroup with time and move on. I hope this helps you in some way. I’m here if you have any questions or need additional support for you and your kids.
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Please, try no to accept or mind any judgements people may have and trust your inner truth and heart on making any kind of decision. Many people that have not or have been through it won’t understand your particular reasoning about this decision or timing to make a move on the decision. That’s yours. That what you can control in an uncontrolable situation.
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Start building your community of supports and people who will carry on with you past the five years and focus on those relationships and so new activity
It’s gonna hurt if you leave, once, but if you stay it will hurt you, repeatedly! All pain hurts, just gotta figure out how much you’re willing to endure! And you’re kids are watching you, you’re teaching then how much to endure as well!
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That is so hard. I’m so sorry you are having to live through this, it’s all too common 
.
Get yourself a therapist. It helps!! Find one you click with and keep going.
Do things that make YOU happy!
Get out into nature with your kids.
Plan trips without him, either with the kids or just you and friends.
Keep a gratitude journal.
So things that build YOU up so when the time comes to split, you are healthier and stronger and ready to thrive.
Start learning something new and take classes for it: language or skill.
Self care is different for everyone, could be:
Naps, baths, nature, books, coffee shops, journaling, exercise, meditation, volunteering, make up, organizing, doing nothing, painting your toenails, getting a massage, getting a facial, a total spa day, shopping, crafts, art, building something, smashing something, pulling weeds….
Do not expect him to change. Do not expect him to treat you better. Do not expect him to be nice.
The healthier and happier you are, the more toxic and mean he will become because he is unhappy with himself. These things he does, is a viscous cycle of self hatred that you can’t rescue him from.
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A lot of people won’t understand your choice but you are right as the law will support his presence in their life and it is hard to allow that when his dysfunction is not going to prevent him having access. You have spent so much time having to monitor and mange everything. Sure your kids may know but they will also know you have supported them. As despite it they love their dad. They will know this is not what they want and not choose it for themselves. What you have done it selfless. Agree to get a therapist to support you with the transition
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I thought I was protecting my children from seeing and hearing things when I was in a toxic relationship boy was I mistaken . Sadly my kids knew everything they aren’t silly . I say this with respect you cant stay to make kids happy cause they see and hear it . I think leave and he can have supervised access if needed . I say this to be kind not hurtful . Much love to you honey. Xo 
you got this mumma
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As much as you think you’re protecting them, depending on what they see and hear you are more than likely damaging them more by staying!!! I learned this the HARD WAY!! I was in the same exact situation and when he hit me in front of the kids I FINALLY got the strength to leave because I knew it was affecting them negatively!! After we left they told me how happy they were and how proud of me they were!! Mind you they were 6, 8, and 11!!! When we were together they would ask why daddy was so mean and angry all the time and they were afraid of him! I stayed because I wanted our family together! Also I was terrified to leave my step kids alone with him but legally I couldn’t do anything! But when I seen it affected the kids I smarten up REAL QUICK!!! Dont let your trauma become theirs as well please!!! After we left my kids were my rock telling me I’m strong, and we’ll be ok! I thought they would hate me because I didn’t think they knew what was going on when they weren’t around but they know more than we think!!! And now a few years later they assure me I made the right decision and we are all happier!! He hasn’t been around really. Maybe a handful of times in the past few years! Talk to your kids please. I was afraid to but I’m sure they know things are bad and want you happy!!
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Oh my goodness i don t want to be cruel but children can decide who they want to live from about 7 or 9 I think
I really feel for you and what you have tried to do once your youngest graduates start making individual decisions which is gonna help heal you one day at a time then eventually you will have the strength to stand alone and have some happiness good luck hun
Bach flower rescue remedy.
I 2 was married 2 such a man. Functioning alcoholic. His drinking led 2 many poor choices. He cheated constantly. Very secretive but I would get into his phone after he passed out from drinking. No kids 2 gether. I finally left him after 17 years. Fought another 3 years 4 my divorce. My advice is just leave now!! Don’t waste good years on this person. Kids adjust. They see what is going on wether u realize it or not. His behavior sets a bad example.
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I’m not going to sugarcoat anything just because you ask. I’m going to tell you the truth. The best thing you CAN do… is divorce him. You’re making excuses for him by pretty much saying the alcohol is to blame for cheating on you. No it’s not! HE IS TO BLAME. HE made the choice to drink. HE made the choice to be in ANY situation around others to cheat with. HE made the choice to have sex with them. HE made the choice to hurt you and by hurting YOU, he is hurting your CHILDREN. Do NOT wait to separate and file for a divorce. Your children are old enough to understand and they are old enough to resent you for not taking care of yourself. You even said your children are safe when they are with YOU. What happens when you AREN’T with them! You need to get him away from you and your kids. Trust me, they already KNOW what’s going on. Talk to them about it and you will see!!! Find a therapist and bring your kids with you. Get that toxic man out of there!!!
Go to God in prayer. Thats where you will find your answers. I know you feel like they might not be safe if they visit with him and your not there or they might not get to see their Dad at all, because he cant function well. Its a tough call when kids are involved. Only God knows what you need to do. Every situation is different. Your fighting demons, not your husband. Its a spiritual battle. Get some Christian counciling, whether he goes or not.
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You have asked for specific feedback on how to endure without splintering.
Set aside some time for yourself,walk daily ,meditate ,dress well ,eat healthy ,read ,listen to music ,whatever uplifts you.Pray.
You will make it through.
This is an unusual strength…Perseverance.
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No do not stay your just showing your kids it’s ok to stay in toxic relationships leave run show them you can get away and be happy and all you have to do is show the courts he has a bad drinking problem and they should rule in your favor and let the kids stay with you
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Continue alanon. Get a therapist. Continue living your life “around” him & save up money so when the time comes, you are able to break free. Totally get it and understand! Loves and hugs to you!
Do I really think that your kids will be thankful for you staying. Truth is - they won’t. They will ask u why you put up with it and why you didn’t want them out of that situation.
Leave if he hasn’t chosen you he never will and all your teaching your children is that’s ok . They will stay in abusive relationships because you showed them it was ok. I know I lived it.
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I am a recovering alcoholic. It’s great you are supportive and trying to make your marriage work. My husband was also supportive of me even tho I would hide my drinking drank and drove with our son. Now the cheating part it can go both ways if he cheats when he’s drinking you and everyone else has to see that it is the alcohol and yes he has to take full responsibility for that. He needs to want to get help as much as you want him too he needs to do it. I’ve learned a lot these passed 2 1/2 years it’s a disease. If it does get worse and if I was in your shoes I would think about leaving, he needs a wide awaking on what he is doing. I hope this helps stay strong and pray.
Your kids will never be happy until your happy. I was in a very similar situation but I left. The stories I heard from my kids made me cry. For for a legal separation, you can ask for supervised visits because of his drinking.
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People like that do not learn or change especially at his age. Staying and keeping yourself unhappy in order to “keep a happy safe family” is silly. Your kids can see your pain and struggle. Leave now
Your not alone !!! Do not feel like you are not enough!! It has absolutely nothing to do with your worth and you are not valued by his love !!! God saved my life from a very Similar life 
ps their have medication that make you vomit profusely when taken and then alcohol is consumed 
my sister use to put it in her husbands coffee every morning lmao 
he’s sober now
I’m sorry but the only way to help yourself is to get out. This isn’t helping your kids either like you may think it is. They know.
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You do what works for you . It’s so easy to say go . I would work on saving While I have shared income . As soon as that cap and gown walks … say bye . And Dip with a heavy savings . And life planned out
You are teaching your kids its ok to treat the ones you love badly show your children enough love and internal strenghth to leave the situation,grow strong grow tall teach your children to respect themselves,you are an incredibly strong mum if you can put up with hubbys shit you can upgrade to you.xox
. You have shown incredible strength and perseverance. Keep praying and loving your kids. I don’t understand what it means to suffer through marriage with an alcoholic but during a day and age where people drop marriages with a drop of a hat, the Lord is pleased bc u have PUT YOUR CHILDREN FIRST. Continue to seek wise counsel and for those of us who believe in the power of prayer 
we will pray for you, your children and husband. Stay encouraged love and check out EX Ministries fb or YouTube to feed your spirit and soul. Remember Jesus loves you and I do too.
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Truth is - you’re teaching your children their worth and what they should put up with and allow in their lives.
I understand you- I get you. .
But it is not in your children’s best interest to stay
And it’s definitely not in yours and it’s not in your husbands either - because you’re enabling it to continue- by standing by his side through it all.
Ps - drunk isn’t an excuse and drunk person does what he wants to do sober but uses alcohol as the excuse. .
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Love over addiction- pod cast on Spotify.
Your children know exactly what’s going on.
Staying only shows your children what to put up with
Go get some counselling and a good lawyer
Try to think how many years you would want your children to suffer in a situation like this. What are you modeling for them? Is this sacrifice something you want them to see as appropriate for a mother or partner? I understand the custody concerns but unhappy parents are creating an unhappy environment for their children to grow up in.
Im in the same boat. I have 2 years to go.