Help your daughter write a letter to her mom about how she feels.
I am so sorry to see already future broken adult.
Be sweet and sincere, and tell her the truth . Just donât point fingers .
Just include her to what u and d other children r doing together
Stay out of it period!!!
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Moms hormones are going to be in a 1000 different places⌠Encourage daughter to tell her mother what she is feeling⌠Ya know what they say about good intensionsâŚ
Stay . Out. Of . It . She wonât see it how you mean it . If anything itâs going to be drama for you and step daughter!
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A letter is just very extra lol if you want to write a note get a card that you and her picked out for her mom, you and daughter go pick some matching outfits for her and baby and write in the card why you did it. You can write a small note telling her what happened in there and then maybe she could see the good intention and just let her know you bought this because for some reason she was afraid she would be forgotten and you thought this might help
I just tell her what happen with child and tell her ,you told her your mom will still love you,and ask if she would ensure this to child cause she scared,and that this letter is to let you know not cause trouble, but for child
Just reassure the child. Dont write the letter
Donât write any letter, let the dad confront her on this issue
Whatever you decide on you should write it like the child is writing it. Make it sound as if the little girl is the one writing it and it may be felt more to the bio mom if it actually came from what the little girl has said to you. Tell the little girl that you are going to write her mommy a letter and let her express herself and you write it the exact way she says it.
Donât just donât interfer as much as you want to. Just let your stepdaughter understand she is loved by all and explain Mummies have lots of love and some people have lots of children and love them all. Will she not like being a big sister. Perhaps you could ask Dad to find out something you could get for the baby and take her out to buy it.When my granddaughter was finding it hard I bought 2 identical dolls she took one to Mums and one stayed here for visitation told her she needed to look after like her Stepmum would look after the baby when it came. Her Mum was a prize bitch saying Daddy and Nanny wouldnât love her any more as Daddy had a new family.
Normal feelings. No need for a letter. Just get her a big sister gift. She will be fine.
Do not bother her mom. Itâs not your place, at all. Beyond telling the child to talk to her mom anything else would be inappropriate and completely unwelcomed.
Just write, good luck with the new baby. We will be praying for you and will take good care of her daughter until she gets home.
Shes 4. Normal feelings. Dint write anything down and stay out of it
Stay out of it, you will become enemy number 1. Get her father to talk to her mother and explain her feelings.
I honestly think dad needs to handle this one
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She is 4. Lots of feelings, little maturity, just love the kid.
Write the letter and share with the Daddy. Then burn it
Donât send a letter. Talk face to face
Let her daddy handle it
Donât write anything, âSAT DOWNâ
Just speak from your heart
Think you should let her dad handle this oneâŚlike you said it wonât be taken well or even seriously coming from you. Kudos on being a loving and involved step mom.
She isnât going to want to hear a single word you you have to say, leave it all to dad.
Also, just show her love for now, sheâs getting anxiety that her world is about to change, shel see that her mom still loves her.
Got to love the over exaggerating in this one. To try to justify her feelings. May be a step parent but it dont make it your responsibility to talk to bio mother. Thats the bio fathers business to do. Because as you state yourself you dont like the biomom so your intentions will to be always cause drama. You became a step parent because your her bio dads wife doesnât make you her decision making. Keep your nose out of it unless your talking to your husband. Its not your place to discuss biomom with your step daughter especially when you will always be on the defense because YOU dont like her. Fighting up agsinst the biomom is only stressful and hurting the daughter. You insert yourself because of your feelings towards the biomom. Maybe if ya didnt have so many insecurities you wouldnt dislike the biomom. Seems your making it more about you and your opinion. Which you should only discuss with the hubby. Cuz if ya have nothing nice or neutral to say about the bio mom to the daughter than you should keep your mouth shut. Your only causing pain and stress in the step daughterâs life. When will people learn kids no matter what a bioparent does they still love them. Until they are mature enough to understand things. Your only hurting the child putting a bio parent down for your own insecurities. Let children grow and learn themselves about the bioparent if that bio parent isnt good be there to comfort a child so they know they are loved. Instead of pushing hatred towards the kid about the bio parent. You became a mother like figure in his daughters life because you married him. I mean seriously children do get brothers and sisters its not nothing new nor bad. All kids feel this way when a sister or brother comes into the family. Stop turning it into a drama situation for your entertainment to put down the biomom.
Iâd let the dad tell the bio mom. You need to stay out of it
I wouldnât do that. I would be honest and say she was upset and scared to be left out. Just be ready for backlash.
How about this: Donât write a letter and let her FATHER handle it. 
All these people saying to let dad handle it⌠I have two step sons and the bio mom and I do the communicating, not dad and her. Sometimes it works better that way, you donât know! We have gone through phases of not getting along, to being pretty good co parents ( we used to be friends when we were younger) that does make it a bit easier. Women tend to be able to communicate much better than men. The girl came to her for a reason, sheâs obviously the primary caregiver when she is at her home ( not dad) sounds just like my home, sometimes it just works like that! Especially if dad works all day and only sees them in the evenings
Tell your husband to speak with her
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Its normal for a child her age to feel that. Just reassure her when your with her how much she is loved and always will be and that she has to love her new brother or sister the same way. I dont think you should write anything. There are boundaries and that might be overstepping a bit. The child is just scared right now but she will come around and probably help the mom with the new baby.
I have not a single clue what is going on in this story. Anyway. The child should tell her how she feels. They are not your feelings to share or communicate especially with someone who doesnt even like your ass.
Best thing you can honestly do is follow your heart and your love for that little girlâŚit will flow naturally for you doing so because it is coming from a place of love and purity and if she can not realize that then that is very sadâŚ
This is not your place. Stay out of it. Her mother, her sibling. Maybe dad should talk to momma about these concerns. I have a feeling why the two of you do not get along. You will make matters worse. Just be a positive reinforcement at your home. Get excited with her. Take her to pick out a gift for sibling. Teach her to read, so she can have private storytime.
Probably let dad have that discussion with the childâs mother
The dad needs to step up and speak with her. She can confide in you In private but if you say anything to the mom, since you donât like each other, it can easily go the wrong way. Itâs just not really your place tbh.
This is hard after awhile my daughters step mom and I became good friends. I do agree if you and real mom donât get along have dad do the talking. Always talk nice about the real mom in front of child and if you have nagative things to say wait to child is back home. Maybe if you like take your step daughter shopping for her and her mom and new sibling. Buy something small that all three can have while mom is in hospital or even a little gift for baby. Just to show mom how much you care. I always say go out of your way just a little for the kids. If you and husband have your step daughter while she in the hospital try doing video chats so your step daughter to feel like her mommy abanded her. Always reassure her no matter what mommy daddy and you will always love her.
I feel like itâs none of your business. This is normal for a child to feel let her express it to you without you getting involved especially enough to write a letter 
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For my nieces we did big sister journals, they were able to do drawings and a d answer questions amd put there feelings down, and share it with who ever they wanted too
This is something that goes with having a second child, Iâm pretty sure bio mom already knows this and more likely than not already has plans to make the transition easier for her daughter.
I would not write that letter, if you have to put your two cents in then it should come from dad.
Those are pretty normal feelings for any child when a new baby is expected and given your relationship with bio Mom Iâd have Dad talk to her about it and you just continue what youâve been doing by providing an ear for her to talk to and being supportive.Obviously she trusts you so be the good bonus Mom by being someone she can confide in without it causing a bunch of drama.Youâre a safe place she can share her feelings with so unless itâs something serious that requires telling the bio Mom Iâd keep those convoâs between you two or let Dad handle it.
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Donât say anything. Bio mom doesnât need to hear it. Your job is to help the little girl with her feelings. Thatâs it
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The reason you donât know what to say it cause you know you shouldnât say anything and itâs not your place to.
If you do your getting ready to start a problem thatâs not even there
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This isnât coming from a 4yo noway 
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I wouldnât do that, opening a can of worms you donât want opened. I believe you are correct in thinking sheâll take it as an attack
Tough scenario for all. I love that you are an awesome bonus Mom and have a great relationship with her.
Having a not so good relationship with the bio mom is tough. First of all bio mom more than likely is not going to be receptive to your good intentions. You both already donât get along AND sheâs highly hormonal right now. Not a good mix at the moment. Let her get settled a bit after the birth and let bio dad talk with her about the daughterâs feelings. If the goal is to help the girl, then itâs best for dad to help her with the bio mom. It sucks and itâs so important for all to get along when children are involved. But sometimes itâs just not the case. Get some childrenâs books to read to her in the mean time that are for young siblings to learn about being a big sister:)
Avoid the drama for now.
You were involved in a childâs life before it was born. That either means that your significant other was messing around on you. Are you were messing around with a man that was in a relationship with someone else. Either way none of us any of your business.
Dad needs to write this letter. Bio mom wonât take it as good intentions either way
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This isnât your letter to write. I am sure the mom knows about this common anxiety of big siblings. It will just come across as meddling since you donât have a good relationship.
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Yea, it shouldnât be coming from you, itâs up to the father. You need to stay out of it or youâll find yourself in a bigger problem since she already doesnât like you.
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What you need to do is strengthen ur relationship with mom. Especially if u love the little girl & ur man. Theres no reason for you guys to be feuding. She needs to feel respected & not replaced. Mom knows whatâs going on in her babies heart.
Only letter you should be writing it this. Despite our differences i think we can agree on one thing and that it our love for your daughter. Iâve been so bless to have the opportunity to be apart of her life so ty for that. Im sorry that we dont always see eye to eye id like to change that. I think you are an amazing mother. What can I do to help make you feel more comfortable. How can we fix this?
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First letter needs to come from dad⌠second letter needs to state that the 4 year old has been reassured( start with that specifically) that she doesnât need to worry but she had thought that baby would be an issue. Explain what was told to 4 year old about each situation and tell mom that she may want to also tell 4 yr old this wonât be a problem as well, so she can hear it from both parents
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Beautiful words Trace!
but there seems to be a lot of good advice - very difficult to strengthen a relationship with anyone if the other person doesnât want to - just sayingâŚ
You should have never made that promise.
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You shouldnât say anything or write anything let ur bonus babyâs dad handle that conversation so that bio mom actually listens and acknowledges her baby feels this wayâŚ
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Not your place. Not your daughter.
My husband has been in my sonâs life since he was 4 as well. Baby boy is 26 now. My husband is his very best friend.
Anyway, donât write that letter, or if you do, let your husband say itâs from him (adjust pronouns accordingly). Anything you say will end up sounding judgmental and condescending, even using the kindest language.
Even after 22 years in my sonâs life, my husband would never address something like this with my ex. Thatâs MY responsibility to communicate with my ex on the welfare of our child.
Iâm assuming you donât have your own children. No judgment, but if you did, you would understand how offensive if it to basically tell a mother that sheâs not in touch with her own childâs feelings. Trust me, Mom is aware.
You sound like a very devoted and loving step mom, but please, donât write that letter. You have no idea what you will do to an already fragile and volatile situation.
Just stay supportive and reassuring to the little one. Be a good friend and listen to her without inserting yourself into the situation. Sheâll be fine. Itâs normal sibling rivalry and it will pass. Writing that letter will NEVER pass. Donât do it.
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If you do anything other than love this girl encourage her in the belief that her bio mom will love her just as much as the new baby and if she is still reluctant to believe that she should talk to her bio mom about how she feelsâŚthen they are on the same page
Mind your business. Tend to the little girl. Maybe have a girls day. But do NOT comment on this in a letter to bio mom. Just donât. Itâs not your place. If you are so concerned have dad mention she was upset.
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The definition of bitter baby momâs is in these comments. 
⌠I WISH my girls dad would get with someone who gave a damn about my kids. Instead of these random ass bitchesâŚas a mother I donât get to dictate what happens when the child leaves my house and goes to hisâŚthat Is his house with his rulesâŚI will respect whatever women he chooses to have around my children. Because that women chose to be with someone knowing they have kidsâŚrespect will be given as long as itâs received. Now if she wants to act a certain type of way cool then maybe the story changes. BUT the OP has been apart of this childâs life for 4 yearsâŚshe has every damn right to talk with the mother. Every single one. She is a mother to that child. No one should say any Less. Just because she didnât push that baby out of her vagina or go thru a c section doesnt make her less of a mother to that child. She has been there from the beginningâŚitâs sad to see so many momâs unwilling to coparent with someone after years. This is whatâs wrong with most relationshipsâŚyou expect the dad to respect you and your relationship but wonât respect his and his relationship. The road goes both ways.
You were out if line relli g her youâd send her mom a letter on her behalf. There are only children all over the world dealing with this - itâs not that serious. Definitely doesnât need your interference. Shouldâve just directed her to talk to her mom and share her feelings.
Since youâve already made the promise, Iâd reach out to bio mom and tell her her dtr wants to talk about the coming baby but you felt it best to direct it to her.
These comments do not pass any kind of vibe check. Yâall sound petty and gross.
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You know you are coming from a good place, but the bio mom will not. Maybe talk to the daughter and have her write the letter on her feelings, so the mom knows it is coming from a good place 
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Start the letter by saying her positive. Like I love how youâŚyou are a good mom because
âŚ
Then go into the daughterâs feelings after saying the good.
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Your bonus daughter is young but not to young to understand love, receiving and giving. It may be a beautiful time now to share how she may participate by understanding when she came on the scene as a baby she didnât make mommy get stuck in the hospital. Instead of writing a letter yourself, help your bonus daughter create a card with an enclosed note of how much she lives the baby and canât wait to have him/her be a part of her life and family. Encourage her with her unsure feelings and if she has ever learned to make time for a new friend that mom will be new at learning to make time for two children. As someone else said, I would have her dad mention the 4 year oldâs thoughts in a form of a question, âmom, will you forget about me when you are taking care of our new baby?â Another thought would be if she were over at your home and a natural phone call to home would happen, encourage your bonus daughter to ask herself, â mom, while you are busy with the baby will we have time to play or do things together? I love you so much and like playing together. Can I help you with the baby too?â Hopefully her mom will also be in tune with her daughter and may have already thought of her having these thoughts and feelings.
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Itâs not your place. Plus, a letter can be misinterpreted because of wording and tones construed in the readers mind. Yâall already donât like each other so sheâs going to take offense to it. Youâll only be stirring the pot even more. Itâs normal for kids to feel that way.
If anyone is going to say anything it should be dad not you, and if/when it is brought up, it shouldnât be made into a big problem when delivering the news to the mother. Dad can even explain to his daughter that itâs normal to feel worried before a new baby comes and that it would make her feel better if she told her mom how she feels, even if heâs there when she tells her. At the same time youâre teaching her to be honest and speak about her feelings.
Definitely not your place, let Dad handle it.
I would leave it as in person conversation so thereâs no misconstrued tone.
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Congratulate her on the new baby, offer help, and donât mention the Convo of the 4 year old. It will not be perceived well.
Let her mom be her mom and handle it. Youâre her step mom stay in your lane. You already said mom doesnt like you, so why stir the pot? Have dad relay the feelings and leave that pregnant/hormonal woman alone.
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Leave it alone. Let Dad handle it.
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I think its wonderful you want to try and help the childâŚits about the childâŚtalk to your husband and see if he thinks thatâs a good idea and maybe would want to sit down with his daughter to write the letter or even do a phone callâŚif he doesnt want to then ask him if he would care if you helped her a little by writing the letter.( let her write it).or if he even thinks itâs a good ideaâŚor maybe just a simple phone call would be even better from the daughterâŚshes young and shes scared and probably embarrassed that shes even having these feelingsâŚbut she definitely needs some reassuranceâŚhonestly in my opinion if the child came to you with her feelings then she trust you completelyâŚask her if she would like to call her mom and you or dad be right by her side but she does the talkingâŚor how she wants you or dad to go about letting the mom know how shes feelingâŚ
If the mom doesnât like you thatâs ok to but you both have to be adults and set your feelings for each other aside when it comes to the childâŚI think the dad needs to be a part of this with his daughterâŚas adults with kids we all know these are normal feelings from a child and they will passâŚbut needs to be addressedâŚgood luck in whatever route you take handling this situationâŚI know it can be a tough situation when youâre the stepmom and love the childâŚyou want to step in but then again dont wanna overstep your boundariesâŚI think the first thing I would do is have her sit down with dad and tell him her feelings and see what he suggest she does .Good LuckâŚ
As a M/B nurse, I have found a lot of momâs also have the same problem when their first child is around this age. One little 4 yr old boy came in, to see his mom, wouldnât look at his baby brother in the bassinet, just wanted his mom, Climb upon the bed to her lap, hugged her, but did a side view look at the baby, By the time they went home, he was fine. I personal feel itâs the age, As for writing a letter, her her to talk to her mommy,
Iâm a bonus momma too and I love your heart. I have been a bonus momma for 12 years and I would suggest not writing a letter but maybe have the dad talk to bio mom about your bonus daughterâs fears. It could get a little tricky with bio mom and she might not take the letter well. Someone else suggested she could draw a picture. Thatâs a great idea.
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Itâs not your place, let her and her mama figure it out.
the letter canât come from youâŚno matter the purity of the intention it will be received as an attack. She may already be quite aware of the little ones fears but at 4 years old you really canât determine how much effort mom has put in to reassure her, you just arent there and you dont have a good relationship. Reassure her at your house and continue to support her feelings and let her know she is always wanted. The letter really as nice of a thought as it isâŚis highly inappropriate. This is one of those oh so tough moments bonus parents face where they want so badly to helpâŚbut it is just not your place momma. Very sweet thought though.
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I think Bio mum might get upset with your bonus daughter for not coming to her about her concerns. Sad that it could be this way but if you donât get along with her I would talk to your hubby. I am sure you donât want to draw a deeper wedge between you both and also you donât want your daughter to feel worse if bio mum was to get upset her. Your heart is definitely in the right place. Good luck
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All these people saying let dad handle it and its not your placeâŚmmmm excuse me yes it is. This is her daughter as well, she helps takes care or her, comforts her when she is scared. So in my eyes yes it is your place. My daughter isnt my blood, but I have been there since she was born. And I would let anyone tell me its not my place to speak up for her. Because its it my place!!! But maybe instead of a letter, maybe go out to lunch with her. I know you said you dont get along. But have you really tried. Me and mother of my daughter, didnt get along at all in the beginning. We used to all date and then she left and I stayed. But anyways over time she saw how much I cared for her. And thats I wasnt trying to take her place. Just wanting to be apart of her life. And now everything is GREAT!!! Me and my fiance just went to her little sisters wedding!! Thats how close we are again. If she wont go to lunch maybe have your daughter tell her how she is feelings. So she doesnt think you are putting thoughts in her head!!! Good luck!!!
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I feel like you, dad, and daughter should sit down and figure out a letter from the daughters own words and have the daughter give it to her. Have the dad express that sheâs concerned and wants to have a good talk and an outing with bio mom, and have her bring the letter too. Its okay for her to feel scared that she wonât be loved anymore, a new baby is a huge change, and although bio mom might not be impressed with your presence, when it comes to babies, most of us are more concerned for our kids than the other woman (as long as it pertains to the child obvi). I think approaching this like a grown adult and helping your daughter get some closure before she becomes a new big sister is very important, and if she hasnât told her mom about how sheâs feeling, it does seem as though it might require some parent intervention. We are the voice of the small, the quiet, and the meek. Even if bio mom isnât happy at first with your letter, it isnât about you. Its about the daughter and how she feels. Make sure that you keep it on that topic and that topic alone. Donât attack her, just let her know that her baby has some concerns that she just doesnât know how to deal with.
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I think itâs wonderful also that you want to help the girl but I think mom will take it the wrong way also is there anyway dad could talk to her
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I am a bio mom, a bonus mom of 2 with 2 different bio moms. I will say this. With 1 of the bio moms, I do have a good relationship with and feel that I could tell her anything. The other one not so much. My oldest son who my husband is not his father, if his step mother came to me with those same words I would not take it in any sense that you want it to go out in.
So with that confusing part out there, I would talk to dad and let dad handle it especially if you and bio mom do not get along. If there ever comes a time and you both get along for a LONG WHILE then maybe you would be able to talk to her more. But at this time talk with dad and let him address it.
just write a note saying âhey, just wanted to let ya know shes having a bunch of anxiety about the new baby taking her place, if you want to talk to her about itâ and then put a <3 and your name and then it will just simply be communicating an issie from a friendly place and all will be well. it doesnt need to be some formal thing. dont make it more conplicated than it needs to be!
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Just leave it beâŚbe there for the little one her mom needs to talk with her but honestly you should just stay out of itâŚits a normal reaction with young kids getting a new siblingâŚ
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There are lots of childrenâs books written to prepare for becoming a big sister. I would order some for your house and the bio mom and write a little positive note telling the bio mom youâre thinking of her as she prepares to welcome the new baby and maybe include a little gift for the baby or her. Mention that youâre working on preparing her daughter to be a big sister and that the daughter expressed concerns that you tried to alleviate.
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Agree tell Daddy about the problem.
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I totally understand you wanting to give her a heads up,/maybe even warn herâŚ. But it may come off, I fear, as you saying that you know better than she would. It might come off as you saying Hey donât neglect your 1st born, it might not come off like you mean it is all Iâm saying. I mean thereâs gotta be a way to say it without stepping on toes
You dont. You tell dad and let him handle it. Especially since yqll donât have a good relationship
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This maybe an eye opener for mom and bonus mom . USE IT talk to other mom tell her you donât want to interfere but you need to have a listening talk with 4 year old . Tell her its about feels no right or wrong. Then with lots of hugs kisses and promises no one will be mad. Let little one tell thier feelings. Be sure to include all dads to. For the sake of child NO ANGERY WORDS in front of child . Go pee if you canât hold your tongue
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Let it go the mom should be able to read her daughters feelings and if she doesnât shame on her your gonna ad fuel to a fire u donât need everything will work out
Orrrr talk to her dad so that he may talk to the bio mom.
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Donât write the letter. Donât try to control the situation. Not your place.
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My daughter has a bonus mom and even though, we donât always get along, Iâd want her to tell me if my baby girl was having anxiety about the new baby (Iâm actually pregnant with twins now.) Iâd never want her to feel like sheâd be left behind or forgotten⌠it actually breaks my heart thinking about it, but luckily, Iâve made it a point that sheâs gonna play a HUGE role in the babies lives and that theyâre gonna love their big sister no matter what and sheâs actually VERY excited. Just shoot bio mom a message and tell her that youâre not trying to overstep your boundaries and let her know how baby girl is feeling, that you think sheâd feel better hearing it from her that she has absolutely nothing to worry about and end it with âhope all is well! 
â she canât be mad at you for letting her know that baby girl is having anxiety. Thatâs my advice, but everyone is different.
I love the attempt at bringing everyone together to coparent but this is definitely not the way to do it. Writing a letter can be taken in many different ways and if sheâs hostile towards you off the rip I donât think a letter would do you any good.
If anything I suggest sending a message asking if she would like to go for coffee sometime and see what she says. If she agrees I wouldnât start off with âso your daughter came to me and saidâ donât do that bc then sheâs going to feel some sort of way that her daughter confide in you and not her. So do casual conversation howâs her pregnancy does she have everything she needs is she excited, how can you help, then hit her with Iâm sure youâre going to need help after the baby is born bc they can be a lot of work and we would love to help if she needs it and you wouldnât mind taking her for a week so she can get adjusted from the hospital back home but you noticed the older daughter crying and when you went to console her she told you how she felt and although you reassured her that wouldnât happen but you did want to let her know.
Mind your business she must hate you for a good reason
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Donât write anything!!! Just make sure she feels love when sheâs with you 
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My husbands ex thinks everything I say is negative. Its gotten so old. I recently wrote her on Facebook asking to be civil & stop the nonsense. My husband & her have 3 kids together & once she remarried things became about money & her not allowing us to talk to or see the kids. She also has told the kids for 5 years now that their stepfather is adopting them but, never has the money for it. Since a court battle was going to be too much since we live in another state my husband just said fine have it your way. She gets child support & we have no contact with the kids. We now have a daughter & have baby #2 on the way. His kids were so upset to find out they have a sister they wont see. We keep in touch with his family which is how she found out about our kids & she told their kids that they have half siblings but bc daddy doesnt love them theyâll never see them. Ive done all I can to be nice since the get go. I wish you luck. She tore me down in front of the kids & blames all this on me. Yet I didnt do anything except meet their dad after they split. I hope bio mom sees where your coming from trying to be the mediator for yalls daughter. Its really a blessing for that little girl. Also make sure she knows at your home she is wanted & loved. Itll make a big difference to her.
This doesnât require a letter this should of simply been already discussed during pick up between the bio parents