Let did handle it, phone call and ditch the letter. Have dad and mom sit down with kiddo if you and her domt get along, but a family unit meeting would be best.
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Clearly your intentions are good. But it sounds like a bad idea. Maybe just encourage her to have that same talk with her mom. And make sure she knows you and her dad love her. Her feelings are very normal for a four year old about to have a new sibling. Nothing out of the ordinary.
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I would just tell her to express that to her in a reassuring way then maybe bring it up to her father
Iâd just let her know what the little girl said. And let her know that she cried.
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Donât write a letter let her dad know and tell the little girl to tell her mom how she is feeling
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Donât do it.
You already donât get along & sheâll feel youâre attacking her parenting & ability to care for her daughter.
If you want to send a Congrats card, cool. Let her DAD talk to bio mom.
Until you two are in a better place, stay out of it.
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Seems like a totally normal 4 year old response - talk to her and let dad handle the ex
Maybe, I mean you know her. If itâll just make things worse and she wonât listen, work on what you can control. The dialogue your bonus daughter has with herself.
Mommas job to reassureâŚif she a decent one she knows thatâ¤mind your own.take care of her while shes with you let momma do the same
I went thru this with me being pregnant and our oldest being scared her dad would love the baby more. I reassured her and gave her a lot of different ideas on how to help out with baby. Tell her to ask her mom if she can help pick things out with her for the baby. Our oldest daughter fell in love with him as soon as she met him and even now she still is in love with him and heâs two. We even had another baby and there were no more scary feelings because she knew they were all equal. Sheâll be okay as soon as the baby is bornâ¤ď¸ This is normal.
I would for sure let the dad handle it especially if you guys donât get along that well
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Have the daughter go pick out some balloons and flowers as a congratulations better yet have her make a card (with help of course) go pick flowers if you can and give them to her mama as a I am excited to be a big sister and a congratulations all wrapped in one?
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"Dear ex, mother of not my daughter who Iâve raised her entire life. She is scared when her 1/2 sibling is born she will be tossed to the curb like you did with me⌠" okay maybe not. Lol
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Most children at her age are unsure of what will happen when a new baby arrives but when they do they quickly realise they are still loved and start enjoying having a new sibling. I would mind my own business but reassure the little one that all will be fine.
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Let dad handle it. Just reassure her she is loved.
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Go on warrior Stepmom and ask for advice there 
a lot of women in similar situations who can give you the proper advise you need
This is normal for children and writing a letter may make things worse than fix anything. You could write it and burn it if you need an outlet
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are you serious just talk to the mom for the love of God and tell her what her daughter told you. the mom can take it how ever she wants. as long as the daughter is heard nothing else matters!
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You donât have a good relationship with bio Mom, so writing to her would be inappropriate and not received well.
Just keep reassuring child that she is loved. Talk to her Dad together and if he wants to speak to bio Mom about it let him handle it.
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I would think this is quite normal feelings for a child to feel when a new baby is about to be born. Just reassure her that Mummy and Daddy hearts are able to love lots of children.
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Donât do it. Itâs very clear and obvious mom doesnât care what you have to say lol. Biological moms are usually possessive and controlling and donât care to listen.
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Maybe phone the bio mum see if use can meet and talk through how use could both come together to help.
Have your BD dictate to you what she needs to know. Or what she wants to tell her. Help her make an envelope and color and decorate it. So the mom knows itâs from her daughter and not you. God bless. Tell you husband whatâs going on as well. She will feel the same when yâall have child too.
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What your step daughter is feeling is normal. Many kids feel that way. I donât think itâs your place to talk to her mom about it. Youâre calling her your daughter, then youâre telling her how her daughter feels & probably give her unsolicited advice. She already doesnât like you. Sheâs going to see you as trying to tell her how to parent her kid which no mom accepts well & trying to take over as her childâs mother. Step back on this. Be supportive to the child but donât tell the parents how to parent. Talk to your husband. If he feels that mom needs to know how her daughter feels (she probably does already) let him talk to her.
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Nah this is why Iâd take years before allowing any other woman in my sons life if me and my man broke up, I know you mean well, but she isnât your daughter. It isnât your place to talk to the mother. Do step mom duties and love her but donât overstep.
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I wouldnât write a letter. I would tell her dad. Or let her speak to her dad and then he can relay her feelings to the mum. If you guys donât get along she might think your making it up. She may have already told her mum this too. X
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Tell the truth⌠keep to the facts ⌠and the opening line should be⌠just letting u know⌠in the best interest of said childâŚ
If she is any kind of decent mother ⌠she will take it on board and help her 4 Yr oldâŚ
If not and she really is a dickhead ⌠then nothing u say will be taken the right wayâŚ
Hope that little girl gets all the reassurance she needs bless her
Oh no donât write a letter! If you donât get on, sheâs going to think wtf is this and not read it and even if she did, it wonât be taken well. Just speak to her face to face on next drop or collection. Just say in a light but pitying tone âbless her, sheâs been a little upset thinking âŚâŚ, but I told her that thereâs no way thatâll happen , sheâs such a sweetheartâ, you should put her at ease and reassure her See how that goes down. If she sees her arse, say you are only telling her what she told you snd wanted her to be aware.
As a step mom myself, some of you are ridiculous 
You canât tell her to stay out of it and thatâs it none of her business bc itâs just as much as hers as it is her partners. . She loves this child like her own, Shame on you all for bringing her down for actually caring about that baby! . . Her heart is in the right place. If I were you, regardless of the relationship you have with her mom, Iâd just speak to her with your concerns rather she likes it or not, stay civil and compassionate at least you let her know what was sad. . And def donât let people make you feel like what you have to say doesnât matter.
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Get dad to mention how their child is feeling. Since you and mum donât get on then dad needs to do it as heâs the parent
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Help her write a letter to her mom.
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Itâs pretty normal for a child to feel this way wen another baby is on the way i would just encourage the daughter to have a talk with her mum like she did you or can u not just speak to her and mention it so sheâs aware I wouldnât write a letter coz it could come across completly differently im sure u can put ur differences aside to have this conversation but yeh this is completly normal
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I would have dad talk to bio mom. And try a a peace offering with a gift for the new baby. If you must write a letter be sure to tell her you know how hard it is juggling life and kids especially when sharing custody. That you want to squash any hard feelings and make things easier for everyone.
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Tell her PARENT to talk to her other PARENT.
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Also itâs not âbio momâ unless sheâs not involved in her kids life, which she clearly is. Sheâs mom and your dads girlfriend or stepmom. Maybe her problem with you is that you donât know your place.
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Iâd tell her mom. If the kid is sad why cant her mom know ? Itâs for the kid not her. My sons going thru these emotions as well. We are on our third baby and he starting to get upset about not having all of our attention. Having a new baby does take time away from the other kids. All you have to do is let her know. Thru letter or her dad to tell her mom. I would be upset if my son vented/sobbed to someone else about this and I wouldnât have known. Itâs about the kid just remember that.
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Stay in your own lane!!
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What is wrong with you all??? This woman has been in this childâs life for her entire life! She may not be married to make the title âstep momâ legal, but she IS 100% a bonus parent to this child. To tell her to âstay in her laneâ and âlet the parents talk about itâ is minimizing step parents all together. Step parents are parents. Caring for their step children IS their fucking lane!!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What do I put in this letter to my bonus daughter's mom? - Mamas Uncut
I have been there with my own children and it caused a huge fight when I communicated how my child was feeling and the fear.
Going back I would have just reassured and supported my child and been super inclusive of the new baby (as much as theyâd allow) and I wouldnât have said anything to the other parent at all
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I donât think you should do anything. Itâs not your place. If anything needs to be done Dad should to it.
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Stay out of it.be loving and reassuring when she is with you. Anything you try to say to the bio mom will be misinterpreted and will be used against you. According to the law,it is none of your business. I know thatâs harsh,but that the legality of it. Just be the best bonus mom you can be and do a lot of praying. I have bonus children,so I feel your pain. Your hands really are tied.
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Do NOT write that letter. Whatever you do. Bad bad idea.
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Stay out of it, support your step daughter. Anything more as you asking for interjection into an already hot emotional situation
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I understand you want to support your step daughter but please stay out of it. Dont write any letter or talk to the bio mom. Let your stepdaughter or your partner do that. You writing anything as well attended as you may be it will bring nothing but drama. Reaasure your stepdaughter everyone loves her and that parents have enough time and love for everyone involved
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In all honesty, itâs none of your business what goes on in bio momâs home unless your bonus child is being harmed or neglected. Your job as a bonus mom, is to love your bonus child as your own and reassure her when sheâs with you, that her bio mom will always love and be there for her but, a newborn does indeed take more time to care for than a toddler or young child. When sheâs in your home, shower her with extra love and time, to reassure her, that she is loved and cared for always.
Bio mom will interpret that conversation, no matter how itâs worded, as a negative conversation and she will be on the defensive instantaneously. Itâs not your place to address that topic. When the time comes and itâs truly an issue, then and only then, should the father address the bio mom. You need to honestly, stay out of it.
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Her daddy needs to be involved with this one! Sometimes itâs better to let him deal with things and not you.
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All children feel apprehensive when a new baby is coming along, I think if you do get involved her mom will think you have been talking to her child about her,
Iâd be kind and loving towards your bonus child, Iâd keep an eye on things without saying anything to anyone meaning the other family as children do have a tendency to fire one against the other,
I would definitely be aware I would definitely support the child and give her lots of kindness and love and speak to her daddy about it to so that heâs aware of how his little girl is feeling x I wish you all well x
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Be honest and tell bio mom how she feels about the new baby. Ask her what can YOU do to help the situation better
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When my ex started seeing someone else I had hoped we could co-parent amicably, from what I understood she was kind to my kids but refused to meet meâŚwhich I thought was troubling but I didnât make a big deal so long as she was good to my kids. For Christmas I wanted to get her something to show my appreciation for being good to my kids (with a card saying just that) my son picked out a pair set I had one just like it from the clearance rack (I wasnât rich and he picked it out because it was cute and comfortable, and a totally different color. Well, she sent it back claiming I purposely bought it so that my ex would think of me while she was wearing them. That never crossed my mind!! Nor was it my intention. I was thinking it was a little luxury for her. It wasnât in any way a sexy pj. But no, the gift was meant as an attack.
Good intentions are just that. It wonât translate. Let her father address it and leave it be. It wonât help and will strain the relationship more. Best of luck
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I say mind your own business, itâs normal for a child t feel like this when a new baby is on the way and itâs up to her mother to deal with this and not a âbonus mumâ what the hell even is a bonus mum? If you area a care giver for this child, the. Reassure her, offering to write rather than speak to her mum seems odd to me and in doing so you have reinforced her feeling, sheâs 4, itâs normal
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Honestly i would just have the conversation with the child yourself. If the mom is that kind of person you might as well not waste your breath. You can reassure her more than anyone that shes important loved and would never be forgotten. Mom should probably already be having these chats with her because itâs normal for a 4 year old to feel that way with a new baby but itâs pretty standard to have that chat as a mom with them.
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Stay out of it! Just keep loving your stepdaughter. Anything you write in that letter will only make tension worst in the relationship of you and the bio mom. Which will reflect back on your stepdaughter.
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You shouldnât do it at all. Encourage your step daughter to talk to her mom herself. Thatâs where your power is
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Been through it. Stay out of it. Have your step daughter talk to dad and let him take care of it. She comes to you thats a good thing. But let her dad do this. Good luck!
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You should have her father speak to her bio mom and you stay out of it.
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Keep it plain and simple. I know we donât always see eye to eye but the one thing we have in common is caring 100% about daughter. She cried and expressed sheâs scared scared you wonât love her as much after baby is born. I told her how much you love her and have enough for 2 babies but she still wasnât sure. Just wanted you to know because if the shoe was on the other foot, Iâd want you to tell me so I could reassure herâŚ
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If the relationship between you and bio mum already has its touchy moments Iâd stay out of it, and if you feel you must say something, best do it in words. Written word can be taken so wrong these days and you donât want to cause any confusion or misunderstanding with such a sensitive subject
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Itâs great you are a supportive, nurturing bonus mom. I suggest taking a trip to find the new baby and your bonus daughter matching blankets and teddy bears. Something she can give the baby when it comes.
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I think you should write a note, from you, not the daughter. Tell her what the child said, and make sure you let her know that you reassured her that her mama will always love her, even when sheâs busy with the baby. Ask her what else sheâd want you to tell the child. Go at it as a team effort to help the child thru this upcoming change.
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Hi another bonus mom here. Sometimes I regret not being more communicative when my bonus daughterâs mother was still alive. However, if your relationship is already bad, this will make it worse. Sheâll be hormonal and probably direct any feelings into anger towards you.
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Wait and see what happens. Wait to worry. Talk with the child and let her know she is loved and not to worry about things that may never happen
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Why isnât DAD talking to bio mom ???
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My step daughter did not want a party for her 15th birthday, but her mom wanted it, and she didnât
Want to tell her. I encouraged her to tell mom how she feels, I was accused of encouraging the daughter to be disrespectful to her mother. Not true, but it was perceived that way.
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Be supportive, encouraging, and comforting to daughter, she needs to communicate her feelings to her mom, offer to help her write a letter from her to her mom. It is normal for any child to have fears & questions with a new sibling. Keep talking with her tho, but encourage her to tell her mom herself
Just let her mother know that she is feeling uncertain about her place in the family once the baby arrives. Let her know that the current child needs some reassurance and perhaps a little extra attention. Good luck.
Say nothing to be honest. If l didnât get along with my partners ex that would be like me telling her how to mother. Just my opinion. But in your position l would buy daughter a little gift for congratulations on being the best big sister in the be world
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Dad should handle a letter/discussion with bio mom. You should just continue to reinforce in her that her mom still loves her & remind her that the new bsby is going to require extra attention. But that doesnât mean she isnt loved. Encourage her to be involved with new baby. And when shes with you make sure she feels special & loved.
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Umm if you donât get along then I would definitely stay out her buisness.just keep telling the little one how much you love her.and maybe let dad relay the ConcernâŚspeaking from experience
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How about turning it into something encouraging? Like reminding her that having a little one on the way is going to be a lot of work but worth it. If she ever needs a break so she can get away & spend 1-on-1 time with the older one that you are more than happy to help out. If sheâs feeling overwhelmed or just needs a break youâd be happy to help with the older one. Itâs not about the howâs or whyâs families are built itâs about keeping them together, no matter how many households there are. You & the bio mom are family, like it or not. Be supportive & she will respect you so much more for it. Iâd even go as far as having food delivered or taking a meal over. Maybe get both kids a small gift. This will also show the other kid that sheâs not forgotten about.
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let the four yr old draw a picture describing how she feels . she can give it to her mother. likewise teach her a simple prayer to say as she feels sad, lonely, worried etc . perhaps an uplifting childrenâs hymn⌠this little light of mine. there are many good ones
Tell her Dad about this and let him tell her Mother unfortunately sometimes you will have to take a back seat, you will have done your bit by telling her Dad about it.
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Get your bonus daughter(lucky you) ababy doll of her own with bottles diapers and such. Her and Mommy can take care of their babies together. I can tell you the letter is just gonna cause trouble.
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Stay in your own lane. Let dad take care of it- thatâs his job - BIO mom
Is having a baby and itâs a beautiful thing- not like sheâs going to rehab or jail. No letters.
You do not need to write a letter to her. This is all a childs unfathomable concerns. As adults we know how silly this actually sounds. I would tell get to talk to her mom about these concerns. So mom can let her know what an important part she can play in her new siblings life and and growing family.
Reassure child and if you write the letter, donât be over the top but tell her you reassured her and that you want to support her and her daughter. Maybe down play the convo you had with your step daughter. Just tell mom she is worried about her being in the hospital.
Stay out of it. My stepdaughter felt the same about me when I had a new baby and she was insanely jealous at first, but once she realized I loved her just as much and that she wasnât being replaced, she was fine. Now her and my baby girl are best friends. Itâs a fear all kids go through when they go from being an only child to having siblings. Her bio mom probably isnât doing anything to make her feel that way, itâs probably just your stepdaughters insecurities as all children have.
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First off. These are normal fears in children this age becoming a big sister or brother. This is why we as parents make a big deal about it. It is a very important job to be a big sibling. Why? Because the older sibling doesnât always get the attention with a new baby around. Everyone is coming over to see the new baby! No one is coming over to see the 4 yr old. Honestly, i would plan a special dinner date with her, and be super happy she is about to be a big sister.
I would NOT stress the mama out more at this time. If after the baby is born and things seem to get worse. Seeing as u donât have a relationship with this person and doesnât sound like you guys want to build one. Then you need to leave it up to the father to say something.
Now if you are wanting to make a better relationship with mother. This isnât the way to go either. It will just cause more stress and drama.
Just assure the child to love the baby and by being with the baby the baby will also receive love. Pray for poor childâŚ
I ALWAYS wondered why kids had to be the ones to get HURT/USED AS A WEAPON/PUT IN MIDDLE/ACT LIKE THEY ARE GROWN UPS/
TELL THE KID ITS THEIR FAULT(THATS WAS AND IS MY LIFE,IM 53) THAT YOU STAYED IN THE ABUSE/
KIDS ALWAYS GET THE S+++$END OF THE STICK
LET ME STOP I COULD WRITE A BOOK
I would stay out of it. Suggest the child tell her mom how she feels. I think you would create major problems if you get involved.
Let her mother be a mother⌠You do what you can when the little girl is there to love her and remind her that youâre still there as well. Iâd let her know that a mommy never forgets their babies, none of them, and that her mommy will miss her while sheâs in the hospital for only 2-3 days. Ask her if she would forget her mom or you in 2-3 days? You can have her do some art for her mom and baby as a present. My step daughter was the same she hated when I was pregnant she has only child syndrome and she still struggles and sometimes refuses to look at my babies but I bought her presents from the baby and wrote her a card how the baby canât wait to meet his amazing and beautiful sisters. Tell her how she will get to play this wonderful new role and sheâs gonna get to help mommy take care of her baby bro/sister. It isnât just mommyâs new baby itâs also her sibling and be realistic. Tell her at first the baby will just mainly eat sleep and poop all day. Yuck. But as the baby grows she will have someone to play with over there and mommy will still spend lots of time w her and give her lots of kisses.
As far as mom goes, do you guys not communicate at all? Text her and ask her if her kid has expressed any of this to her. My step daughter is usually more open w me than anyone else so when things come up in message her bio mom. Otherwise I wouldnât write a letter if yâall arenât even on communication terms. It would be a damn insult bc it would come across as if youâre assuming her mother doesnât care about her feelings and isnât doing anything on her end to prepare her. Let her mother be her mother and handle things. You would be surprised though how a child changes once they get an Amazing toy or a few from their new baby sibling to the most amazing sister in the world. Thatâs what I did. I also had to do it for my step daughter for my babyâs first bday and anytime my daughter ehas a bday she has to get a sister gift from them to help her cope. She literally canât breathe and throws temper tantrums and breaks shit when she sees bday decorations even for anyone but her. Sounds like you have a super sensitive kid on your hands and all you can do is remind her and SHOW her no matter what and no matter how many babies in any home she is still loved the same. Thatâs all she is seeking. Confirmation that she is still loved.
If shes still there tell her you will do the writing if SHE tells you what to say. Write it down exactly like she says it. Give it to her family.
She is 4 let her dad handle it
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Itâs sad that a 4 year old would feel this way. The question is, why? Iâd stay out of it if I were you, Iâm sure theyâll handle it and you can support her when sheâs with you. Just donât overdo it.
Tell dad and let HIM bring it up with bio mom⌠itâs his responsibility. Stay out of it
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As one whose been there say NOTHING. Since you donât get along anything you say will be a threat. The gift idea seems good. Just reassure the daughter.
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Me saying that is to know whether both children have the same father. So if not being the case u b there 4 the 4 yr old.
Stay in your lane. Coach your step daughter on telling her mom how she feels. Offer bio mom help when baby comes, take her a meal for the family
Tell the bonus daughterâs father what she said let him handle it. The girlâs mom is going to resent anything you say.
I would write the letter as if it was being written by your bonus daughterâŚ
LikeâŚâDear MommyâŚâ type thingâŚtell your husband what is going on for he can be in the loop. If she takes it wrong than thatâs on her.
I wouldnât feel right if I didnât write a note knowing how that Baby is feelingâŚmade me so sad to read it.
Good luckâŚ
I think you should tell your husband and he should talk to his ex about it. by the way (daughters name) mention being scared you wonât have time for her.
Nothing if you donât get along, this is dads place to step in
What is a bonus mom?
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Just let the child know thatâs not the case nd she will b loved By U nd the Bio Mom
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Stay out of it 
Your Not her mother.
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Let her daddy handle it. Itâs his place not yours
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Sit dad down with her, let him know how sheâs feeling. I donât think the letter is a good idea
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Have her dad say something !
Let her daddy write the letter or have the conversation. You show her all the live you can muster
Donât do it! If she already has a problem with you it will only get worse!
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