I would like some advice on how to handle a funeral and eulogy for a father that hasn’t really been a great parent. He hs no friends, nor close relatives. He’s alienated most of the close family, and recently destroyed his marriage. There’s truly nothing positive to say… So, what do you say? Obviously not a place for negativity and to air all your father’s downfalls but at the same time I’m not going to praise him because it’s its funeral.I’m sadder more for what we all could’ve had.Someone must’ve gone through this, so I’d truly appreciate any suggestions. Thank you
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In that case if you can keep from saying anything I would, you do not have to give a speech
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I would just say he was loved and that you know he did his best and hope that he is now at peace.
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I would say sorry for the loss of my father to family and friends. May he rest in peace and God bless
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You’re not required to say anything. If you feel as though you have nothing positive to say and it’s not the place for negativity, then staying silent sounds the best.
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Speak from your heart not your head. So say that although at times things got hard you love your father. You wish you could have done more with him as a family. Ect xx
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Say everything u always wanted.
You are not required to give a speech and the way you feel I wouldn’t…
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As the pastor to say a few bible verses. You do not have to speak!!!
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Maybe you could write something about death itself and about how life is short…and there are so many things you didn’t get to experience with your father and it’s shown you how important it is to cherish and value the people you love while you’re still here. Something along those lines maybe? If you need a help coming up with something feel free to message me!
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Forgive him. He’s dead
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I wouldn’t really say anything, speeches are for those that mean something to us, those that made a positive impact. But if you feel the need to say something keep it short; In life he faced lots of struggles, in death I hope he finds peace.
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Talk about each other and how you can help each other out now.
If anything, just read off the basics, who his surviving people are, where he lived, went to school and what he did for work etc
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This is a tough situation. I can understand your feelings. If you have to say something, you could always go the route of talking about life and death, time is short, etc generic statements rather than being specific to your father. 
sending love and support.
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You probably should not give the eulogy 
You don’t have to say anything, he is already gone, don’t worry about your image coz speeches are for strangers anyway
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I didnt speak at my moms funeral. My brother and sister did but I did not and everyone was very understanding (I was worried how others would react to me not speaking more than anything)
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Dear Dad, thank you for bringing us on earth for everything you did for us,May you rest well and may God receive you,we will miss you, obviously even a witch is missed
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You do not have to speak at all
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Just say- Life hasn’t been easy but I hope you are now at peace.
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Maybe speak like you’re telling the story - talk about memories of the past
I would speak the truth. It won’t sound nice but it is good for you to let it out. You don’t have to be hateful about it just straight to the point.
No need to say anything.
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just dont do a eulogy
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I wouldn’t say anything. What’s the point? What could have been said from him or you while he was here wasn’t said…. No need to say anything now.
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You don’t need to speak. Have someone do it and keep it general and to the point. When asked if someone would like to say anything, don’t get up.
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Word to the wise…just be raw and honest…people already know. Try to focus on his good points.
Just read his obituary. I’ve seen that done at funerals before.
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I guess no one is perfect in anyway shape or form we all have our faults…at the end of the day if he made mistakes then shows he was human…more to the point he was your Dad regardless…respect.
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You don’t have to say anything at all maybe have a song played that could say it
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Sometimes the lessons we learn from a person is not what we SHOULD do, but rather what we should NOT do.
Talk (nicely) about those lessons and if he taught you something positive- even if it was something as simple as 1+1=2 or how to change a tire, talk about that too.
Talk about the good memories you DO have with him, as rare as they may be, no matter how small.
You may be angry with him, feel hurt by him, even.
But you still love him.
I once heard a quote that essentially said (and I am paraphrasing as I do not remember the word for word) that the only reason someone is able to actually, truly hurt you is because they are THAT important to you. That it would not hurt nearly as bad if it came from someone that did not matter to you, whether you like them or not.
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If there is nothing good to say then personally I wouldn’t even attend
O wouldn’t say anything. Just attend the service
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You don’t have to have a eulogy.
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I wouldn’t do one honestly or do a generic one thanking people
Just talk about the things he enjoyed doing. And who his immediate family is.
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This might be bad advice but watch the speech bojack gave for his mother on the show
Keep it short and sweet , no negatives . Talk a bit about his background and life but steer clear of personal details . He was who he was and he saw no reason to change . He’s gone now and with him goes all his baggage . It won’t bring comfort to you if you bring up his not so nice bits. Let there be dignity in death .
Been there done that. Do whatever gives you comfort so you have no regret. I had already lost my mother and It was definitely a different feeling loosing my mom verses loosing my dad. I took in consideration that I was the oldest and I did have siblings so I did what I did more for them then him.
Start off by saying, If I have learned anything in this life, I’ve learned that you don’t always get to hear the stories of one’s life that define you. I wish I had the opportunity to know more about the child who grew into a man that became one half of the duo that gave me life. I wish I knew more about what shaped him and molded him into the man he became…and this will always be the thing that saddens me about his death. Then change the topic to give the audience some positive ways they can truly share in the lives of their parents and children…give a positive message about not allowing the space or opportunity to pass to let your child know that you love them and are proud of them, etc.
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What was his beliefs, values in a positive way
If he had a favorite song play it or favorite poem or scripture read it… you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.
Don’t say anything you will hate later in life no matter what he’s your father. Just ask yourself what would Jesus do. When he was on the cross we was on his mind.
My dad and I didn’t get on or see I to i over anything. He wasn’t the best or worst parent but I no one thing the love he had for my son was the best thing for him. I went over and over in my head what I wanted to say so I didn’t write it down but once I got up there and looked at the 6 people who sat looking back at me my mind went blank. I just stood there then said I’m not sure what to say but I said the truth we didn’t always get on but deep down I no he loved me even if he never shown it but my son was his best friend. It took me just a couple of minutes to speak then I was done as like you I didn’t want to air stuff that’s long past or praise him for being a good dad but he was a very good grandad so I focused on that.
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I wouldn’t say anything at all. I’m sorry for your loss 
My bio was a crappy dad. He picked his 2nd wife over me and my brother. Once she cheated and left him he of course he wanted his kids back. I do talk to him but I no longer view him as my dad. I am the one they will call when he dies and I’ll be the one responsible for all of that. I plan to have him cremated because him and I both know I’d be the only one to attend his funeral.
People make mistakes, but surely there has to be a few memories that you can draw on for some positive inspiration. Try to think of something that he may have taught you, a time when you had a good day or anything close that. If nothing else, you can thank him for bringing you into the world and impacting your life in a way that has taught you about life. Even if it’s not good things about life, you can word it in such a way to leave any negative words out.
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Just say his name and birthday. And something like. “those that knew him, knew the truth about him.” And leave it at that.
Say exactly this. May he find peace in his after life.
Like the person above said… be raw and honest! Maybe start out with something like “My dad, as many of you know, he lived his own life. We/I will never understand, but I do want to thank him for making me strong.” And go on from there. Perhaps his absence forced you to grow as a person and made you strong, made you appreciate the kindness of others, etc… dwell on what he did love. Cars? Motor cycles, comics etc… you’ve got this!
Just say “he had his downfalls but if it wasn’t for this man I wouldn’t be here today”. At the end you can say “Rest in peace” or you can always say “God bless” at the end.
Just say he had his struggle with life and now he’s at peace with life. Sum up his life not saying anything good or bad about him.
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When our loved ones pass away their sins are forgiven. I would not do a eulogy then if you hold resentment especially if you can’t find in your heart anything loving or nice to say.
Romans 6:23 For the wages sin pays is death, but the gift God gives is everlasting life by Christ Jesus our Lord.
Colossians 1:14 by means of whom we have our release by ransom, the forgiveness of our sins
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Try to focus on some good memories. Be honest that he wasn’t a perfect father, but then mention a memory or 2 or 3 that you have. Something that may not have ended so good but started out good.
I think how Grey handled the memorial for her fiancee after finding out he had cheated on her in Catch and Release.
Thank him for you being here. Focus on who you have become because of him. Otherwise, just a few simple prayers for his soul. He knows his faults now. He is answering for them now. Be the stronger person and focus on the future and don’t dwell on the negative. I’m living a better life because of the hardest years of my life
Just choose a poem to read x
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“When we lose someone, we do not mourn what we had we mourn for the moments we didn’t get.”
Then speak of the things you wish you’d had the chance to do, say, or share with him.
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Just wish him well and ask God’s blessings on his soul. No need to elaborate and no need to air differences. Just pray for him and his soul. I am sorry for your loss.
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This is an excerpt from my eulogy for my dad who died suddenly and who had addiction and alcoholism: When someone you love dies, you are given the gift of “second chances”. Their eulogy is a reminder that the living can turn their lives around at any point. My father struggled with inner demons like depression, addiction, and alcoholism most of his life. But over the last few years, he learned how to text, he messaged me everyday, he learned how to care for my elderly grandfather daily, and he did so much to redeem himself from many years of self neglect. If he were here right now, I would remind him of this:
You’re not bound by the past; that is who you used to be. You’re reminded that your feelings are not who you are, but how you felt at that moment. Your bad choices defined you yesterday, but they are not who you are today. Your future doesn’t have to travel the same path with the same people. You can start over. You don’t have to apologize to people that won’t listen. You don’t have to justify your feelings or actions, during a difficult time in your life. You don’t have to put up with people that are insecure and want you to fail. All you have to do is walk forward with a positive outlook, and trust that there is an outcome that is greater than the sorrow you feel you left behind. The people of quality that were meant to be in your life won’t need you to explain the beauty of your heart. They already understand what being human is----a roller coaster ride of emotions during rainstorms and sunshine, sprinkled with moments when you can almost reach the stars.
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The one thing that I will tell you that I learned from speaking at my father‘s funeral is you can put all the hours you want into writing some beautiful long message- it’s impossible to know where to start… How do you put someone’s life down on paper? But once you get up there none of it matters… You will go off of track, you will speak things not written- it will come from the heart, for good or bad.
The only advice I can give you is if you are moved to say something… Say it… Don’t filter your self because of your location or those around you… you need to let it out. There were things my heart moved to speak and I didn’t say it because of family eyes on me, the pastor watching, the friends in the pews of the church but looking back, it’s the only thing I’d do differently- say what my heart told me. 
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Are you going to have a clergyman there? Just have them have a little sermon and that’s it. Pray for his soul to be in a better place.
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Do not say anything !!
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This is an excerpt from my eulogy for my dad who died suddenly and who had addiction and alcoholism: When someone you love dies, you are given the gift of “second chances”. Their eulogy is a reminder that the living can turn their lives around at any point. My father struggled with inner demons like depression, addiction, and alcoholism most of his life. But over the last few years, he learned how to text, he messaged me everyday, he learned how to care for my elderly grandfather daily, and he did so much to redeem himself from many years of self neglect. If he were here right now, I would remind him of this:
You’re not bound by the past; that is who you used to be. You’re reminded that your feelings are not who you are, but how you felt at that moment. Your bad choices defined you yesterday, but they are not who you are today. Your future doesn’t have to travel the same path with the same people. You can start over. You don’t have to apologize to people that won’t listen. You don’t have to justify your feelings or actions, during a difficult time in your life. You don’t have to put up with people that are insecure and want you to fail. All you have to do is walk forward with a positive outlook, and trust that there is an outcome that is greater than the sorrow you feel you left behind. The people of quality that were meant to be in your life won’t need you to explain the beauty of your heart. They already understand what being human is----a roller coaster ride of emotions during rainstorms and sunshine, sprinkled with moments when you can almost reach the stars.
We chose not to have a eulogy.
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There is always a silver lining to every negative person or situation. To express sadness in his death is a relief, releases him from his troubled life and releases you from his abuse. I would definitely do the eulogy. Write down all the negative and the positives and express it all. If the only positive was him leaving, express this and the positive effect it had on the family. Every negative situation has a positive effect.
Just politely say you don’t want to speak.
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Just state facts about his life. Born, date, to, siblings, jobs, married, kids, illness, death.
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We only say anything if we choose to, most of the time we have a pastor or preacher do the service. Some time they know the people sometimes they don’t. If they don’t know the person, the pastor or preacher ask family or friends about the person before they speak. I am from Ky. Most preachers do this for a donation. I was taught, and believe that this is that person’s day , they have paid there price with death and God will take it from there. We do not speak bad of the dead, you may not always agree or like what they have done, but on this day it is not for you to judge.
You aren’t obligated to do a eulogy. Let the minister or a lcoe friend handle this.Or a poem about the hope of the atonement and afterlife is sufficient (((HUGS)))
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Sorry for your loss.
Don’t say anything. There is no reason to have to give a eulogy.
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I am Methodist and Methodists handle it very simply. If they were a good person, you say so in the service. If they were a SOB, you read scripture. God knows exactly who we are are and so do the people who attend the service.
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Don’t lie. Especially if most people showing up know him and were hurt by him, they won’t want to hear it. It’s okay to tell the truth without turning it into a bashfest.
You can say he wasn’t the greatest, you wish you had time to change it, maybe give a few good memories if you do have some.
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Maybe start with stating the obvious: “ …Anyone who knew my dad knew he was not the easiest to get along with, we also know that he was a husband and a father. While the relationship may have been strained we only have one father, and in my own way I loved my dad. We didn’t have an easy relationship but I forgive you dad and hope you are at peace now…”
This way you’re not sugar coating but you are also not being rude or mean. Hope this helps
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You can mention that you hoped for so much more for him and that everyone has there issues, he was no different that anyone else, but that he tried and now he’s at peace, a peace that maybe he always longed for.
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Say something simple like Dad we had our differences and did not always see eye to eye I will remember you forever as time goes by.
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My father was never there for me at all, but I have a love in my heart for him. If I had to speak at his funeral, I’d like to think that it would go a little something like this. As we all gather here, in this time of grievance, I would just like to say a few words on my father’s behalf. Although we have never had the relationship that I would have liked I am grateful for him, because without him being my father I’d not be here. He hasn’t made the best decisions in life, but who does? Life is a learning lesson. Nd what I have learned of my father, although a person is not who you’d like them to be they are a person nonetheless, and deserve just a much as any of us despite their short comings. I pray that God give him the mercy and grace we all need at some point. I pray that he knows that although he had his faults, he is still my father and I love him. I pray that his soul rests…Idk maybe something like that. Nd if its just to hard, maybe not speak at all.
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May you find peace in the next life
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I will be doing the same thing for a brother of mine who hasn’t step foot in my home for over 20 years… my choice. One of the directions is to keep it shot and direct. He was a man who went a separate direction from the norm of the family but he lived his life his way with his choices. May he rest in peace. Something like that should work. No pacifics, no finger pointing, or negativety.
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Find something to read that comes from heart. There is one thing I know for sure. If not for your father you would NOT be here. Speak of the good things in your life today because of him. You don’t have to say what he did to make you that way.
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You truly don’t have to do a eulogy.
Most funeral directors have a generic prayer or if non religious a poem they can say.
Or if your comfortable you can find your own poem.
Sorry for your loss. May God bless you with peace and comfort in your struggle. Pray about it. You’ll be surprised what you think of. God bless.
A minister once told me a saying,
Live your live the way you want to be remembered so the minister does not have to lie at your funeral,
You are in a very difficult position, if it was me I would have to say I am not comfortable doing the eulogy and it would be better that someone else does it or we just don’t do one, or make it short and just focus on where and to whom he was born where he grew up and went to school. You can mention his marriage (s) to whom and date and place, you can recite the obituary listing his survivors brothers, sisters, nieces/nephews and extended family near and far, and mention family members that have predeceased him. I hope this some help to you
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Give a bio of his life instead. Where he went to school, how he met your Mom, how many kids he had, what he liked doing. Say you’re sad about the things you never got to do together.
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This man, gave my mom half of my to make me who I am today. He wasn’t always but maybe the government got to
Him and he decided to
Dip
Out on us due to mental reason.
____ was liked by few and maybe that was a good reason because he was a mess who danced to his own beat. Speaking of beat, he was a dead beat when it came to being a father.
Jk on most of that.
But seek some inner happiness he caused while you were around. Random sayings, or behaviors that people can laugh at. The best way o think you can go about this is to make joy of your pain he has caused.
I had a father who was very difficult towards me. I did not speak. I had nothing to say that was kind, so I remained silent.
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God knows his heart and his struggles.
I have simply declined to speak
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Somthing I’ve always thought about and if I was truly honest I think I’d skip it and go with the kids on me own with my partner afterwards so that we could have our own personal space to pay respect without needing to put a show on infront of people most family know we didn’t an still don’t get a long an I have my valid reasons on why but I wouldn’t want to wreck it for my siblings who do get on with him as its them that I’ve gotta live with afterwards despite our differences in our veiws over him I respect them enough to dip out for there sake aswell as my children who love him
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Skip the funeral and visit him when you’re comfortable
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I believe he loved you.
Just don’t do it. Half of the time people are lying anyways
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Why do you need to say anything? Just let whoever stops by pay their respects and be done with it. Maybe wind it up by saying the Lords Prayer. There’s no right or wrong way to have a funeral.
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Just talk about how you enjoy your life and that you will be eternally grateful that he helped you to exist, and of course some peace in the next world stuff
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It’s ok to say that he was not a super human being. And you don’t even need to have a service for him. You can have him buried or cremated and nothing more
I would say maybe something along the line of I know life wasn’t easy and a lot of mistakes were made but I hope you find peace. I will keep your soul in my thoughts and prayers. I wish things would have been different because I love you regardless. Not sure if this helps. Best of luck.
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Forgive him and move forward!
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Honestly you do not have to do a eulogy. If people are expecting you to say something then speak the truth, you don’t have to say anything overly positive, but try to be positive because in the end the eulogy you give will be a reflection on you. Here’s a helpful site:
I straight up told everyone my mom was a fuck up and made a shit ton of mistakes, but then followed it up with the fact that I still love her and will miss her. Then I gave 2 examples of times when she was a good mom.
Everyone already knows who he is. You gotta speak your truth. Maybe a “my dad wasn’t really there for me so I’m not really sure what to say about him. I’m sad he didn’t get the help he needed and that we will never have a chance to be close. I hope if there’s an afterlife he’s learned his errors and is doing better than he did here.”
You can’t sugar coat it very much without looking like a liar. Just be honest in a soft way. If the dead wanted to be spoken better of they should have been better people while they were living. Don’t say anything you don’t mean.