This question was submitted anonymously by real people looking for real advice. Please be mindful with your responses. No bashing or derogatory comments will be tolerated.
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So much pressure and too much provocative content in music, movies, and actions among people in society.
I know we can’t keep our kids in a bubble nor should we. But we do need to have better trusting relationships with our kids. Start talking to them when they are much younger so they hear the truth from you… not what their peers say. They need to be able to come to us with anything. I certainly made my share of mistakes!
Parenting is hard…so is growing up💞
Work on those relationships, work on healing what is broken. It takes patience, time, and grace❤️
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Get very upset, put her on birth control, ask yourself whether she was molested at a young age, tell her about sexually transmitted diseases. Talk to her about having long term relationships before having sex and that she doesnt have to say yes to every male.
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I am sorry if there is truly a parent behind this question and the question was not a rhetorical one because so many people who responded have been judgmental. No parent is ever immune from potentially having to manage such issues. Those who think they are need to rethink their position. I was a district administrator who raised three sons who grew to be wonderful young men and I never said never. You just never know. Our children make many decisions in a day. We always hope they will choose the way we would want them to but again it only takes one decision in one moment to be in the position of this 12 year old and parents can’t ever be present every moment of every day to monitor their children’s decisions! That said, we were not told the act was consensual but even if it was I would recommend the parent speak to the child’s physician who can make an appropriate referral to the right professionals.
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I was 16 and pregnant. My mom was a single mom and worked alot I was manipulated by an older man. I ended up married to him. It lasted about 18 months. My daughter is grown now with kids of her own. Please take your daughter and get her on birth control I know she’s young but im sure neither one of you are ready for a baby.
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If she is going to continue to have sex, make sure she knows about birth control. Know that its choices she is making and not a direct reflection on you. Try to find out who her partner is and contact parents. Twelve years old is too young to make such lufe changing decisions. Ask questions! Why she feels the need to express herself in such a physical way at such a young age.
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Sorry that you’re being so judged by everyone. Sit down and have a real heart to heart. Don’t sugarcoat anything, they need to know all of the possible outcomes. There are so many perfect and judgmental parents here that maybe this wasn’t the right platform to ask. It only takes one time and that one time can only be a couple of minutes then boom a baby. Idk you and I want to hug you and your child 
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I don’t even know where to begin.
I certainly am not a perfect mother, but I had 3 girls and they were never allowed to be anywhere without me knowing all of the details.
I was divorced and ran a very tight ship.
Sometimes I was so strict, when I look back, I feel sorry for them.
But, the lives they have today are worth all of the disagreements.
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Turn the tv off . Time things were censored more it’s in their face every day . Internet the same. So sad these kids are growing up way to fast…
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Sounds like you need to get off the Internet for a while and be a real parent .get involved, give them responsibility, set boundaries, reasonable boundaries and agreeable boundaries.
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So so sad. She or he are still kids. Someone is using them. Hug then, tell them it’s not their fault. They can’t even enjoy in that stage. Its have to stop. You need a professional help
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What are these kids doing unsupervised with the other sex at such a young age.
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That would be a sad day, sounds like there is a need to have better structure in the family.
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I would be devastated far to young they are only babies at 12 immature not even into to there teen years and they are hard enough to deal with for kids
First you keep loving your child then you realise that once they’ve done it they will likely do it again so you gently explain protection and help them choose something suitable mak sue to sport them at all times unless it’s some thing dangerous tell th also matter how good it was it’s better when both of you love each other
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I know it’s not easy but 12 year olds need adult supervision. Don’t put them in a position to have to make this kind of decisions. Boys and girls at this age should not be alone together. I’m not saying they can’t sneak off at school or events but lots of people are letting them date and spend time at each other’s house way too early. They are kids.
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If you can’t find the words to talk to the child contact Planned Parenthood or a similar organization that can give you brochures & other advice on how to talk to them. Then get the appropriate birth control that you & your child feels comfortable with. Make sure he/she knows you are always available to talk to them. If you feel you can’t do this then choose an adult you can both trust that can stand in for you on this subject. Be honest with yourself & your child.
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Nowadays due to so much exposure children are growing up fast. You need to first sort out how you feel about it. Then take professional counseling for talking with her. As with feelings involved it won’t be possible for you to talk to her in a calm manner. And if you think you are freaking out it is right any one else would too.
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When I was pregnant with my first almost 14 years ago, the doctor asked me how old I was, I told him 21, he said I am a baby. I asked the doc how old is the youngest that you have coming into the clinic he said 10 to 12 year olds and it’s very normal unfortunately.
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Get her on the pill,and give her condoms. No it’s not encouraging her it’s keeping her protecting herself. You can’t stop it. Explain your disappointment but also keep an open mind as you want to keep that communication bond with her open always.Thats what l would do.
And some people,wake up this has been happening for years. Open your eyes and adjust to the fact puberty is happening at 8,9,10 these days for some kids.
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I find concerning that most are referring to just girls. I would talk to the person and explain life to them. What happens once you become a parent etc. Find out how often etc. This is a very touchy subject. Most of all don’t lose your cool talk don’t scream, make sure they know to protect themselves and explain about STDS.
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That’s just horrible parenting at its finest. What do you do? Take parenting classes, love your children properly so they don’t go searching for love in the wrong places, put your foot down and keep an eye on your children like you’re suppose to.
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Have a conversation and find out why they did it, what the circumstances were and what they were thinking. Make it perfectly clear that they’re in trouble because they’re far too young to be doing anything like that. Restriction of privileges as well
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I might inquire as to the age of her/his partner, then go immediately to a Planned Parenthood to get her/him birth control.
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Hug them. Talk to them. Tell the other child’s parent and discuss how to deal with their friendship. Tell them the law!!
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You educate them on pregnancy, STD’s and how it can affect you emotionally especially if you did it to show love and then your partner doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
Then you keep them busy and keep your eye on them to try and keep them out of that situation. Do more stuff with them, not just keep them at home. 12 is physically maturing but their minds aren’t ready for a lot of what comes with sex. They also cant support a baby so you better help with birth control for those times you cant be around.
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Well thank god I was blessed with very easy children , but I did sit my girls down and talk about sex, I was straight forwards with them and then I proceeded to find every horrible pic of STDs online I could find and explaining how they need to value their body and self and a boys will come and go, plus my girls couldn’t date tell they were 16 and it was dates only at our house tell we felt comfortable with them going out for a real date and them knowing if you say this is we’re you are that’s were you better be, but my girls were just very easy and very respectful of themselves.
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Make sure they are using protection and make sure it was contented and let them know it’s against the law at this age
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Heather Averitt - no matter how much some take care of their child, that child will find a way to do what they want. There can be all the love they want but when they put their minds to do what they want, they’ll find a way! Believe me, I know!!!
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Assigning blame doesn’t help anyone at this point. Medical examination, conversation & education.
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Sounds like the child needed more adult supervision hard to do today I know but it’s never too late
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A 12 yr old?? Sounds like her parents need to wake up and be involved parents!! 12 is a bit different than 18. I’m not a lawyer but isnt there laws about age and consent and rape??
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Talk to them like adults and don’t sugarcoat the implications, precautions and consequences. If it’s a daughter, get her on birth control and clamp down on her freedoms. Parenting just got real. Step up!!
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You won’t stop a preteen/teen from having sex. Sorry but you won’t. The urges are extremely strong as we all know.
And if it happens it happens. Give them all the information you can possibly find. Birth control information, doctors app, and some STI information.
ITS NATURAL! She/He can’t stop there urges why punish them? Tell them I understand plz be safe think of your future and try to find a way around there urges before going with a partner.
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Be compassionate and explain what can happen if they don’t practice safe sex. It’s too late to tell them to wait. If they’ve done it once , they will do it again. Just let them know that you are there for questions if they have any.
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There is no point in punishment or pointing figures and deciding who’s to blame. You could blame all of the above! However it’s already happened can’t change it. But she is not pregnant or has a STD so now is the time to communicate talk to her about things let her ask questions if she is going to continue or you suspect she is get her on some birth control I know she is young for that but better that than a baby at 13. The whole thing is communication!! Talk about everything! Make her feel she can talk to you about anything!
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Supervise your child every minute! She should be on a softball team, doing chores, or signed up for after school activities. Someone has failed here.
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I need more info before offering advice. Was it with someone her age, consensual, why did they have sex, where did they have sex, tell me about what you did, then I would decide what to do about it. Hopefully the parent asked questions and got answers from the child’s perspective.
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There are adolescent clinics she can go to with or without you to discuss birth control, sex, relationships and anything else she needs to know. But right now she needs her mom in her life in a more intimate way to discuss who she is having sex with. And call his parents to have a sex discussion. Gather everyone up to discuss it.
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You need to educate your daughter about consent and make sure that the sex she has had was consensual, you need to educate her about contraception, sexual transmitted diseases and above and above all things keep your communication open between both of you. Try and stay calm whilst dealing with conversations. Be there for her both physically a day emotionally.
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I would definitely feel like I failed as her momma
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Sex is an unfortunate choice made by too many young people. It is inappropriate to be sexually active outside of marriage. Teach her that.
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Put your arms around them and hug them hard, then take them to a doctor
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I would definitely begin devoting as much time with her as possible and get her into counseling. Twelve is way too young to be having sex. What kind of crowd is she hanging around with?
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Communicate. Ask why they thought they had to rush? Ask if they were pushed into it? Pray it was a moment and not an obsession. Let him or her know that i love them regardless but i want the best.
Exhale first and take 10 deep breaths . Then u and our husband , or yourself sit down with her , rationally . It is going to be very hard. First ask her if she was bullied into having sex.
Explain to her about contraceptives. And STD . At 12 she might be someone who thinks they know it all . But as a parent keep the energy level down as best u can . Also a minor , maybe have her examined by a physician .
Take them to a homeless shelter let them work there a week and show them what sex leads to, then take them to a successful business of someone who actually waited and became successful
First find out WHO she had sex with.Underage is a criminal offence.Then Explain , if you have not, about the transmitted disease, pregnancy and the effect it will have on herself and many around her, should she become pregnant.
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Teach them about safe sex and give them the right tools to be safe. Dont be naive about it , kids are going to have sex weather you approve or not. Its everywhere they go. Online, at school, on tv in their music. You can not control every aspect of their life. Just prepare them to make the right choices and safe.
Have a serious chat, find out why, was she pressured etc, seek help and try to support her in making the right choices.
Teach them about protected sex and the responsibilities that come with it plus the one that could come with it.
I don’t see where the question specifies the sex of the 12 year old. Boys need guidance too!
Education and communication with your child. Have an honest and open conversation and arm them with all the facts and educate them as much as you can. Find out about your child partners and make their parents aware so they can also educate their children as well. Knowledge and education are important.
If it’s already happening, educate them about STDs and different types of protection. Punishing them will only make them trust less and get better at sneaking.
Cry 
& freak the hell out & stop that child from doing anything out of my site except school and they get it through their thick head ALL the consequences of their actions!
My opinion find out if was consensual and then give her the facts of life, get her even a two hour a day job make her pay you room and board then explain how much day care is, be a parent and teach her.
My girl was still playing with barbies at 12 … sex was not even an issue at 12.
A lot of kids are out here doing whatever because parents just don’t care. My boys always let me know where they were and who they were with. I always trusted my kids. They never lied to us because they knew the consequences. Parents now just let their kids do what they want so they don’t have to put up with them.
A lot of negative comments about bad parenting, maybe something led into it, we don’t know peoples situation and can’t assume their bad parenting is the result
Why is everyone assuming it was a girl?
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Well, what do we expect? They teach them how to do it in school at a very early age. Heck, when I was 12, I didn’t know any of this stuff, but if I did!
Talk with her, in a positive way…. Maybe you will find out. Sometimes parents make you want to see what it is about…. Accusing before you are thinking about it
Let’s see what do you do when your child is having sex at the age of 12? Do you kick them out of the house, do you hate them? No you still love them, try to find out why they had sex? Are they watching pornography at your home or a friend’s?
It’s so easy to type up certain phrases and you’ll be surprised what will pop up on the internet.
You discuss proper sex ed, consent and protection.
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A 12-year-old’s definition of “having sex” may not be entirely accurate . . . Find some professional help that can deal with fantasy thinking as well as pediatric issues.
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Sit down with her and have the talk that all young ladies need to hear about sex and it’s consequences of having sex and just love her and tell her that you love her and will always be there for her!!!
If it’s your son sit him down and talk to him about safe sex,pregnancys, laws and make sure he has condoms. And again try and keep the communication bond open with him so he can come to you if he has questions or needs help.
Teach her about having safe sex
You can lecture about waiting to have it when your older and wiser but kids will be kids
Check putting her on birth control and see that her sex partner is using condoms. Also have her checked out for STD.
I wish I didn’t know! I don’t know what to do. I guess if it is with another 12 year old ? I just don’t know what I’d do
Boy or girl, get tested for STDs and vaccinated for HPV. If girl, get a pregnancy test. Take to gyn for an exam. Get birth control in place. Preferably the type that goes under the skin. Also get her condoms. Birth control does not prevent the spread of disease. I also would let the parents of the partner know they are having sex. If a boy, provide condoms. Would give a stern talking to.
Make them work, charge them rent, want to play adult games you have to pay adult prices. Take their bedroom door off. Take their phone away. Parent!
It’s not just the daughters that need to be educated on sex at young age, but the boys too should be taught too.
Put her on birth control. As it most likely won’t be the last time. Have a talk with her regarding careless sex and the unwanted consequences; STD, pregnancy.
Under age! I would be wondering why? Also how I missed the signs and be playing educating catch up pretty bloody quick.
Is said child a boy or girl? I find it interesting that such young children are thinking of having that kind relationship
Put her on birth control and explain why she still needs to insist on condoms. I was 13. I can promise you, you can not put this horse back in the barn so the best option is to be proactive and supportive. She needs a good sit down with a gyno so she can learn about birth control, sexual diseases and possible mental health issues that could arise. Most importantly make sure she has a sense of agency and a firm understanding of what consent really means. That its her body and she ALWAYS has the right to say no and just because she gave consent on one occasion does not meant she owes consent again later. She needs to learn and feel strong that she is in control and that anyone who pressures her is wrong for doing so.
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Just talk with her?, ask her if she had some condom.
There’s nothing she can do after the bull climb the fence
The first thing I would ask is how old is the person she is having sex with
Get them checked medically and then make sure you know where they are and who they are with. Keep them so busy with school and chores they don’t have time to screw around. Take away phones and tablets, zero social media access. Tell them since it’s obvious they aren’t to be trusted to behave they will be monitored until they earn your trust back.
Vicki Lutz do the same even if it’s a boy. Kids aged 12 should not even be thinking about having sex.
Talk to her about all the dangers that having sex at that age will bring:talk to her about condoms and the pill:and hope that all you’re saying she is listening:encourage her to talk to you about whatever is troubling her and left her express her feelings that lead her to have sex
Get them tested.both if possible…assess their knowledge…assess HER KNOWLEDGE …and quietly review possible background events ( was there unknown earlier molestation or grooming or something for the early interest???) …provide comprehensive education and info …ask when why how
…try not to freak out …but explain this is mighty early…should wait for real love…and just cuz it happened doesnt mean you cant reel it back for a few months or years…
Then alone in your room SCREAM IN A PILLOW and figure out how you dropped the ball…why didnt she come to.you to ask or talk first
Why does everyone assume this is a female child?
File charges against whomever she had sex with, if he is a minor you deal with the parents and you deal with your child as well, it takes two if it was her own free will.
Its because we push these kids to be grown up. They really have no idea what they are doing.
Ummm 
during covid when does a 12 year old have time???
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Who said the 12 year old was a girl.! what would you say to a 12 year old boy?
They still should b playing with dolls not boys id scream
Don’t over react! Chat w her and also teach her to take control of her own body! Plz do take her to a gynecologist and discuss birth control…be gentle get involved w her life and find out who her friends are she is way to young to understand consequences yes if you know the boy find his parents have a chat there also. If he is older there should be consequences
Nowadays getting pregnant is not the worse thing, what about HIV just make sure she’s fully informed and the best person to do that is a doctor.
They not kids anymore they might be ages of kids but thei too far forward
My mom told me stay a virgin.I did all through high school.I was very glad i just said no…I had lots of dates but never went steady for long…
I agree with Jenny at least you will find out who it is if she won’t tell you. Go talk to their parents.
Find out who the other person was first
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In all of the comments and the post one important fact is missing. How old is the Male or the Female Talk never fuss or raise your voice.
Pay more attention. 12 year olds shouldn’t have time for sex. You should ask yourself Why your 12 year old is having sex
Get birth control pills as soon as possible. I assume its a girl. She should not become a mother so young.
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I am more concerned about the age of the person that had sex with this 12 year old. If it were me ( I raised 3 and now raise my 13 year old grandaughter), I would attempt to meet with the other family to discuss.
And, make sure the 12 year old is ok.
Too young, means no one has spoken to them about sex.
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