it… I don’t know what else to do at this point… Has anyone else been in this situation and what did you do?
I’ve been dating this guy for about a year now, he’s everything you would ask for in a guy, the kind you take home to meet your parents. They adore him and even got a custom made stocking done for him for Christmas, my two year old (from a previous relationship) gets so excited when he comes over and he’s so good with her. Bottom line he’s amazing and we get along very well! BUT he struggles to keep it up during sexual activities, we go sometimes a whole month without having sex. Almost like he avoids it.. I have a high sex drive and I thrive off physical connection in relationships, I’ve tried to leave hints like being around him just in my underwear or going to bed naked. He has maybe came 3-4 times we’ve been together.. I was honest with him and I told him it makes me anxious. I’m self conscious about myself, I’m worried it’s me. It’s eating me alive! I weigh 130lbs, I lost 80lbs but I don’t have much extra skin from my weight loss besides the area where I had my C-section which I’m the most self conscious about… He tells me it isn’t me, how I’m beautiful and that it still feels good even though he didn’t finish. We talked that he should go see a doctor, he took the information calmly acknowledged it but hasn’t done anything about
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Don’t just give him hints
Actively seduce him,get on top of him naked,give him a blow job,do something!
I really don’t believe it’s you,it’s him he’s embarrassed that he might not satisfy you so he’d rather not do it at all
Possibly something medical/or due to medication?
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Dang. Cut the man some slack. Get his testosterone levels checked.
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Tell him you wants and needs. He might be into other stuff
Me and my wife try new things
First, cut him some slack, it happens to everyone at least once. If it’s a repetitive problem take him to get checked, he could have a imbalance or could be depressed or stressed or have his own insecurities or a medical issue. He could be cheating, but it doesn’t sound like that.
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Tell him again how it effects you and ask him to please make an appointment to get his levels checked. He is more than likely very embarrassed about this and putting off talking to anyone about it. Try to not take it personally (I know, easier said than done). Chances are, it is 100% a medical issue and has NOTHING to do with you.
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If he takes depression meds that might be why.
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Maybe he has ED and is self conscious about it
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Sounds like ED and you constantly bringing it up or trying to seduce him is probably making him way more self conscious about it. Either adjust your expectations in the bedroom or leave.
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Tell him to go to a doctor and find out what’s wrong. If he doesn’t, then move on. Get a life with someone else. Do you really want to be deprived the rest of your life by someone who doesn’t think enough of you to go to a doctor and find out what’s wrong?
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You’ve only been together a year and by his reaction it sounds like it is something that has been happening since before you so he may have already seen a Dr and there is nothing he can do about it. Instead of continuing to bring it up which may be making him feel bad about it start getting creative. Buy a vibrator and sex toys and let him help you use them also you can have plenty of physical contact without penetration. If you show him that you are open to finding other solutions to the issue it may help him relax more and be easier for him to initiate things.
Give the guy a break it’s not all about that! Why ruin a good relationship over that. Get some toys try something else ask what he is into. Don’t push him away
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I was in a bad marriage for 27 years I left and now I’m married again. me and my wife don’t have sex much not because she doesn’t want it it’s just not my thing after being cheated on so meny times it’s hard for me to open up and let that side of me trust again I guess + all I do is work 6 days a week 66 + hours a week so ill I do is work eat and sleep we spend time together not a lot but I try so I don’t think it’s you I tell my wife that all the time it’s very hard for me to finish too. I’m going on 5 years with my wife and I love her very much with all my heart so I think my wife gets it I hope any way it’s not her fault it’s my fault and no she has never cheated on me or I on her I’m hoping one day it will change untell then my wife stands beside me and deals with it because she loves sex too but it’s going to take a long time to trust again the sex part anyway .so I hope that help you understand from the guy’s side it’s not you
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Probably attracted to someone else
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Certain medication can effect your sex drive … but if not on anything it could be just him …
I would maybe just try to have a serious, but gentle convo and maybe mention going to the doctor to see if something is medically wrong. Or maybe if he isn’t interested in actual sex, if he would be interested in foreplay or something. Maybe even using a toy on you. I def wouldn’t leave because of that, I’d find ways around it. My fiance and I have been together for 7 years, sometimes we go weeks without having sex, I think our longest was a month. But I also have my own toys to take care of things when I need it.
Get yourself a satisfyer pro 2 hahaha
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It could be ED and he is nervous about actually talking about it. It might also be stress, depression, anxiety, or a number if other things.
Another thing is he could be asexual and it’s just not a thing in general for him but he’s trying for you even if it doesn’t work out when it does happen. In that case even you being super attractive to him it might just be hard for him to show it in a sexual way to you. In that case there are other ways to be intimate and work on that aspect of your relationship. You should talk to him about what’s going on, why he thinks it’s happening, and what he wants from everything.
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He probably has low T. It’s embarrassing for him and has nothing to do with you or him being attracted to you
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Could be a medical thing , needs to see a doctor
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He might have low testosterone and the Drs can help that
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I’m here to say that I had a guy like this and he was into some kinky shit. As soon as he opened up to me and told me, I gave him a footjob and got the d lol
Those of you who assume he’s cheating or attracted to someone else sound ridiculously stupid. Y’all act like a guy can’t have an underlying medical condition. 
She even said its been their entire relationship not just sudden & his reason for going so long without sex could just be that he feels embarrassed about his condition.
If you want him in your life, you’ll work with him on this.
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He isn’t telling you everything. Don’t make snap judgements. Gently & over time, get to the bottom of it. You need to figure out what’s causing him to do that without being too pushy. Maybe he’s just not ready yet.
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Send him my way……I’ve kicked my husband out to the kerb and have 0 sex drive…I’ll be happy using my toy while he sleeps 
I actually have been in this situation. He was a great guy to but couldn’t keep it up. Seemed to avoid sex. I always thought it was me. He wouldn’t talk about it, definitely a touchy subject.
One day he finally told me that it’s been like that for him since he was 16 and he didn’t know why. At this point he was 25 I encouraged him to go to the doctor and that he was young and they could fix the problem. I went with him and held his hand. He ended up having erectile disfunction
So many factors can cause it!
That knowledge changed everything. With meds he became more confident and got his drive back
Most definitely a medical problem. Do not push him away. He can’t help it.
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Some of these comments are not it. You obviously love him. Relationships aren’t built on sex. And shouldn’t be unless that’s all you both want. He probably is very insecure about this and I think it speaks volumes about it because in this society (which some of these comments prove) men are always made out to be these sexual perverts. I’ve been married 16 years and we have gone through this issue. Just be supportive and he seems like he is willing to work on it so don’t leave him or sabotage the relationship because of insecurities. Love is what’s most important. Much love to you.
Have him take some extenze one night and see if it makes a difference
Is he on any type of medication?
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It’s probably treatable his testosterone may be low or something medically that is going on
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He could be closet gay?
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Could always use viagra and go back to doctors also he’s prob embarrassed as well about it so don’t make a big deal out of it and use toys during sex so you still get to finish and just be supportive about the situation
He may be on meds that make it not work as well…trust me he knows there’s a problem…why wait til now to say something?? Unless he’s getting older and going thru the change,? Which might be the problem too…then he May Not be attracted to you like he thought he was??? Maybe you should take some of the blame too…don’t try so hard just let things happen…
.
Stop making it all about you how do you think he feels.
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Have him look into bluechew. It helps
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Tell him to get some Viagara or extended! Nothing wrong with needed that sometimes.
Get an toy, he sounds like an good guy,
I’ve been with my husband since January 2010 and married since January 2011. He’s seen me go from 170s to 272.6 (my heaviest in 2017) as of today I’m 152.2 my husband has been such a big support for me although he doesn’t do anything I do food or exercise wise, just learned what I can and can’t have and helps me stay on track. He is 350+ 6’0 40 years old. I’ll be 34 in March. I’m 5’0, I didn’t have much of a sex drive when I was bigger and it’s slowly increased, we don’t go at it like rabbits but have a healthy sex life. We don’t base our relationship or marriage solely on sex, we are intimate in other ways. Talk with him openly and honestly. Maybe he feels that you’re basing the relationship solely on sex and maybe he wants more than that.
He could have been touched as a child. If your first sexual experience was traumatic, it carries over into adulthood. Be patient, offer support, and try to get to the root of the problem. Love and patience goes a long way 
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So sorry… that must be difficult having mismatched sex drive. See if u can find a medical reason for it first.
My man has low testosterone levels and higher estrogen levels and has to take testosterone injections along with estrogen blocker. Even with all that maybe 1-3 times a month, but if I want he gives it up more, and I know that messes with his head. We’ve even tried blue chews which doesn’t help so much and gives him a headache. Good luck girl the struggle is real but get toys and have him use them on you it may work out just have open communication.
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If he’s not willing to go to a doctor, then he’s hoping you’ll just forget about it. I know how you feel and it’s a dealbreaker for me.
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I have bedroom issues i hardly 
my partner knows this, sometimes it will get to her but we talk & snuggle. I would love to cum a billion times during sex but it’s impossible doesn’t matter what i do so now i don’t even think about it otherwise i get stressed & paranoid.
Pay attention if he is on drugs it will cause that also. I hope that’s not the case. But I dated someone and it was drugs that caused it. I was done.
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could be nervous about something to . one relationship I was in messed me up because her kids would just come in the room at any time could be anything that makes you nervous and not preform. I had no problem before or after
He could very well have a medical issue but, because of how girls keep leaving him to fend for himself as opposed to actually giving him a chance and trying to help him through the issue, he’s grown quite hesitant to even approach it. 
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So… maybe you need to point out that him refusing to take care if his health is selfish…not only because of the ED…if you love him you can work.through that…but because so many times ED is indicative of other health issues such ad high blood pressure, clogged arteries…one good climax or stressful event away from a heart attack…him putting you in a position to potentially lose him that way is selfish.
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Could be a side effect of medications? Anti-depressants?
Maybe hes on medications that messes with his libido.
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Encourage him again to see a doctor. This is common.
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9 chances out of 10 when this happens to a guy, it’s definitely not you that he has an issue with, it’s something out of his control on his end. Maybe talk about making an appointment and seeing a dr together
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I been with my husband for 17yrs and hes the same but it doesnt bother cuz sex is no big deal to me lol
He’s gay and you’re the cover up sorry been there
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He’s not concerned enough about it ? I find that unusual for a man to not be stressed about his parts. Is he possibly depressed? His drive us effected and that means something is wrong mentally or physically or both.
Make an appointment for him & take him to it. Ask him what he’s afraid of, especially if it just involves taking a pill like thousands of men do.
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Depression, low testosterone, diabetes, blood pressure can all cause issues. Antidepressants. If he drinks it can also cause issues. You can’t make him seek help, but it’s nothing shameful and happens to most men at some point in their lives. If you need more, I’d recommend a rechargeable toy. Use it by yourself or with him.
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I’m not tryna kill her self esteem but it’s her he’s not into her sexually everything else might be good between them except that
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I’m my recent, it was because of drugs and he would rather sleep with “ hookers” than his partner who made sure he was taken care of and raising HIS kids! he took “ dick” pills i call them, testosterone shots every 2 wks, but i still had to beg for it until i found out what he was really doing behind my back then he totally disgusted me! Keep your eyes OPEN. I heard the same lines going from 142 to 126 because of the nightmare he created for me.
I think maybe he knows something is wrong but is avoiding finding out what , men like avoiding doctors . My boyfriend was the same , he said he preferred not knowing than knowing . Eventually we found out he has diabetes and once he got the right meds and got the diabetes under control … no more problems .
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Low testosterone happens in men or too high of estrogen–issues
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How old are you both?
Sometimes it’s medical. Is he on any type of medication? Some medicine makes it harder for guys.
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It could be as simple as his body missing enough of something. I can imagine it’s embarrassing to go to a doctor to tell them that something that is usually so natural to a man, isn’t working for him. The stereotype is that a man can get hard for anything. The truth is, not all cam. I went through it with an ex and definitely felt the same way, self conscious. But it had nothing to do with me. When he finally saw someone our sex life was amazingly different. Encourage him to seek help and to even look into it himself. When he realizes it’s normal for a man to go through this, he may feel more comfortable seeing someone. Good luck
There’s something weird here you may want to consider leaving sounds like he’s using you as a place holder til something else comes along or he may be GAY
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Just as women get upset with themselves with bedroom stuff, men do too. Men think of themselves as strong, virile, etc and when they have issues it takes a huge toll on them. I wouldnt push him too hard. Maybe help educate him on things that could possibly be going on. If he is not willing to help himself you cant help him.
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My ex had this issue and I later found out he was addicted to opioids. May not be the case for you but I would make sure he gets checked out or gives an explanation as to why he doesn’t want to be checked.
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Prostrate problems maybe?
if he is young & he is like most men at any age, when this happens, Yes, he should see a Dr, This has nothing to do with you. But he really should find out what is going on, And I will say, if he finds out you wrote this, this will not turn out well, at all. Just have him see a urologist, to make sure nothing bad is going on with him. And tell him that. You are worried about him.
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Sometimes men get so used to masterbation and porn that they cannot get off w a woman. Idk if this is the case but it’s a strong possibility.
I, personally, don’t think there’s anything wrong going a month without sex.
Sex isn’t everything to someone, and someone shouldn’t be forced to put out by their spouse. I can definitely go more than a month without having sex, and just because he’s a man doesn’t make it any different. (Men don’t have unlimited sex drives like y’all have been lies to to think)
Maybe y’all just aren’t sexually compatible 
It’s not you, he’s just got something going on, it happens
Ask him what he likes sexually. Maybe there’s something that he really likes that he is afraid to tell you. Especially if it’s something that he feels you won’t be into. Start by initiating things you have thought about or possibly interested in trying with him… it might help him to open up if thats the case.
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Buy a vibrator and just enjoy ur otherwise amazing relationship
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I was in this exact situation. Turns out he was cheating.
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I was in this situation once and it turned out he was gay and wasn’t ready for the world to know. I hope that’s not the case for you. It really takes a toll on you mentally and emotionally.
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My husband has this issue. I promise it kills him as much as it does you. He does need to go see a urologist but it may take a bit before he gets the courage to go. My husband finally went and it was a combination of health problems. Took about a year to balance out medications but things are 1000x better. Don’t give up on him!! Maybe introduce toys where he plays with you.
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From a womens side I go through this and my husband has a high sex drive and I do to usually but it happens and I can tell you it’s just as hard for him not being able to give you what u want. I could go for months no probs and went to dr mine was stress if work and kids traveling sports always busy my body changing. Got meds and it works itself out. Don’t give up or think cheating talk to him go to dr w him.
Could be medical, could be drugs, could be cheating, today erectile dysfunction is higher among young men because of too much porn use. It’s nothing you did and don’t need to fix anything with yourself just know it’s his issue. It sounds like it’s an issue and will be a constant cause of concern in the relationship for you. I would definitely see if he’s willing to figure out the reason and if it can be fixed. If not decide if you can live with it the rest of your life. If not move on.
Issues with hormones or maybe he is a closet gay but is afraid to disclose it. How old is he?
Have him get his testosterone checked
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Is he on any medication? I know that this can cause problems too. Honestly a lot of things can kill a sex drive: medications, too much alcohol, stress, smoking, medical condition, mental health conditions, low testosterone, some of these combined etc. It is good that he sought out help but it sucks that there hasnt been any follow through. Tbh i would talk to him and reassure him. Sometimes when guys have this issue it is hard for them. I have had a similar situation except the lack of coming. If anything whenever his drive was raised, he would come too fast and then feel guilty. If the relationship is going well. If you love him and dont feel like there is anything else going on, I would work on trying to have an open communication, ask him what he enjoys, and push him to get some help because you said he is amazing and those are rare to find. Good luck love
Oh girl… if he can’t for whatever reason, ask him to be intimate with you in other ways. Maybe building up to it and connecting on a deeper level will help. Explore each other’s bodies blindfolded. Whisper in each other’s ears. Send playful texts throughout the day.
Do anything to help make it work because… a good man that you can trust with your kid is totally worth figuring out a compromise on this situation.
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See if he’s on antidepressants or anything. I dated a guy once n later found out that was the issue and he was just too embarrassed at the time to tell me. It definitely messed with my head and now I still feel like an asshole about it.
He needs to get his testosterone & estrogen levels checked. He might need an estrogen blocker because believe it or not, he could be producing too much estrogen. Men do produce estrogen just as women produce testosterone.
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It’s not you. He’s a sex addict and he’s addicted to pornography. A lot of men suffer from this and think it’s ok but it’s not. They live in fantasy land and can only get off when it’s a fantasy now. Seriously research it.
Low T, have him get tested!
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It’s not you, it’s him. Until he decides it’s a problem there is nothing you can do about it. It’s probably medical- blood sugar problems, testosterone, etc… all kind of things. Sorry.
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Definitely see a doctor.
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Unfortunately, with men, it literally could be anything.
Low T, medication, his own consciousness about it, prostate issues, his favorite sports team lost, he didn’t eat 5 times that day… Best thing to do is for him to tell his doctor and see what’s going on.
Hugs:hugs:
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Yeah I can’t comment just watch ur daughter
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Is he on antidepressants? That’ll cause this issue.
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Had an ex kinda like this. I suggested he go to a Dr cause I was worried he may have had erectile dysfunction. He never did. But we broke up so it wasn’t much of a problem for me anyway. Plus my contraception made my drive go from something to nothing very quickly. But you could also try to see if he wants to spice things up in the bedroom too. Any fantasies (that you both consent to) or specific likes. And I would like to ask if he lives with you. I noticed that when living with a partner or spending long times together, the sex doesn’t happen as often as it did at the start of the relationship.
Is he takes medication? Is he addicted to porn? Is he have mental issue or stress? It can be many factors but he needs to speak with his doc about it, in the mean time, it’s up to you what you want to do.
Get him to the doctor to check his testosterone levels.
It could be pills. Opiates make u unable to stay hard or come. Lots of others do that too like antidepressants
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